A\N – Ooof, finally! I'm so sorry for the late, guys! A lot of things to do in real life and I found myself struggling with this particular chapter! Not sure why…maybe because I know what's in my plan for the upcoming parts and trust me they will not be so fluffy and positive :(
Anyway, here's the next chapter. Review! (I'll keep chanting it as a mantra until your reviews start coming).
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Gabriela Dawson didn't expect a call from her friend again that day. They've had lunch together that contained a detailed analysis of her cautious attitude to one Kelly Severide. So when Shay picked Gaby and Harper went on to meet April's mom, the former didn't expect to hear from her friend for some time. But not even four hours later – a call.
"Missed me already?" Gabriela smirked smugly in her cell still cleaning the ambulance car's floor with one hand.
But her answer was nothing more than short breaths that usually come when someone's having serious difficulty breathing.
"Harper?" The paramedic stood up straight.
"Gab…" Harper was breathing heavily on the other end of the line, not finishing the words.
"What's wrong?" Gaby asked, concern building in her stomach.
"There's something…not right…with me…" Her words sounded as if she was shivering or shaking uncontrollably. "I'm on the corner…down of the sta…station…"
"Wait there, I'll be in two."
Gaby flipped the phone close and grabbed her bag with medical supplies, jumping from the car and heading for the street, pace fast.
"Hey, Dawson! Where are you going?" Leslie's surprised voice called from behind.
"I'll be right back!" Gaby called back without even turning her head and a moment later disappeared behind the corner, leaving her blonde friend looking at the place she was just a second prior.
It didn't take long to find Harper. She was standing on the corner of two streets, her back pressed firmly to the building, eyes franticly running scanning the happenings.
Taking a second to access the situation Gaby flew up to her friend, her bag fast on the ground, hand on her wrist to check the pulse. Too fast…too fast.
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First I felt someone's hand on my wrist. After that I registrated Gaby's hand on my wrist. The movements around me were too wild for my eyes. I closed them.
"Your pulse is breaking a speed limit…"
"What…what's wrong with me?" I finally breathed out with great difficulty.
"You're hyperventilating, your pulse is sky rocketing, you're shivering, you can't focus…I'd say you're either on drugs or…you're having a panic attack."
When my friend said the words suddenly every little symptom that I had, started making sense.
"Ok, let's get you to the station and I'll give you a shot of Chlordiazepoxide…"
But before Gabriela could finish I grabbed on her hand and still panting protested:
"No! No…Kelly shouldn't… see me like…this…"
Gaby shook her head slightly but gave in soon enough.
"Fine! But I'll get you a cab and you're going straight home. But I still don't think you're right. He's your fiancé now, he should know stuff like this."
I didn't say anything and just closed my eyes while she fished out the medication and a small syringe. I chose not to look at the procedure and just tried to will my hands not to shake as furiously. I didn't exactly feel anything as the needle pierced my skin, only a slight tingling and then suddenly my body started to relax. Gradually but quickly.
A minute or two later I finally felt myself coming back to normal pace. When my eyes adjusted to the sun and the street and my ears started accepting the noises at a normal volume I turned to Gaby breathing out with some kind of finality.
"Better?" She asked looking me over.
"Definitely."
"How do you feel?"
"Dizzy."
"It's normal." She confirmed while putting the used equipment back into her bag to throw away later. "You…you wanna tell me what happened to get you all so…so..?"
"It's just…everything, I guess…" I took another tranquil breath. "The proposal, the contest is in a week's time and…today I saw Mrs. Holms…we were talking about April. And…I just at one moment I felt so incredibly selfish…"
I slid down to the ground my back pressed firmly against the building. I felt awfully tired all of a sudden. Some people around us kept sending us glances I didn't bother to interpret, others just minded their way without any acknowledgment.
"I am having the happiest moments of my life and she is six feet under…and how did it all start? He saved me from the fire she died in…"
Gaby kneeled next to me not giving any thought to her now-stained uniform. She put her warm hand on my shoulder and just kept it their not really saying anything. I knew all she could of said that's why I was thankful she stayed quiet.
"And then I felt this start happening…"
"Listen, this is not a normal reaction. Your health is not in a good shape." The paramedic said firmly. "You have to do something about it. And I'm not kidding."
I nodded. I just nodded as always.
"Ok…" She stood up and proceeded to help me up as gently as possible. "I still think you should come back to the station with me."
"No." My answer wasn't meant to give any way to discussion. "I can't show up like this when Kelly's on a shift. What if there's a call and he will be worried about me when they go into a burning house? No way."
Gabriela nodded realizing my concerns and looked around for a cab. Her face was grave and it was a perfect indication that she was far from thrilled about what was going on.
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It was vividly quiet at home. And dark. No lights on at all, my courtesy. I was resting on the bed, my head to the window, wearing a small shorts and a tank top with a knitted long sweater covering me like a blanket.
Kelly was taking his time in the shower. I was thankful for that because after the injection Gabriela had given me earlier I felt exhausted and unable to move. I only had the strength to change and claim the bed after the return to the apartment.
I heard the water being turned off and Kelly moving around in the bathroom.
My body couldn't move but my mind kept working. Gaby prompted me to talk to Kelly. I firmly decided I would not. I could already hear my friend's displeased voice paired with an unhappy grunt and a setdown glare to boot. But to me the situation didn't exactly contain the solution at the moment. I knew enough about my…affliction. I knew what to do with it and I knew that if I treat it more or less right there was a big chance that in couple years I would come out of it. One other thing why I wasn't running my wildest to deliver the news to my boyfriend is because he was not a boyfriend anymore but a fiancé. He would probably think that I lied to him all the time we were together. And I knew one thing for certain: I couldn't lose him. I couldn't lose the family I was so craving to have. Not in a million years. And as far as I was concerned all the disorders of the world could go to the darkest and far-est corners of the Earth.
Kelly exited the bathroom in his favorite attire: dark slacks, barefoot, shirtless.
Shit…the man just never makes it easy!
But there was a subtle change. I couldn't pinpoint it right on the dot but his eyes told a story. A story I couldn't quiet read then. Years later I would regret I didn't.
He pressed the opposite hand to the right shoulder, grimaced slightly and proceeded to drop his things on the chair. The droplets of water from his still-wet hair slid down his neck and to the broad shoulders. They probably tickled the shoulder and triggered another small wave of discomfort. And another wince.
"Are you ok?" I asked not moving from my place still observing him.
"Sure." He lied. And I knew. "Just a long day."
He climbed onto the bed and moved until he was a couple inches away from me. I still did not move. Kelly sighed and put his arm around my waist moving me closer to him, but apparently the pain in his hand made itself apparent again, and he immediately retrieved his hand, turning over to the other side.
I wondered if it was still a residual from his injury but didn't ask. I knew he wouldn't answer. How? I guess I studied Kelly Severide pretty good. He had some very big issues. Me? I had probably even bigger ones. We were so screwed up to tell the truth. But somehow being screwed up together made it all a little better.
I moved slightly and felt dizzy again. I made myself focus and ignored the feeling. One of my hands snaked under his healthy arm as I put my head to his back, listening to him breathing and breathing in his smell. Wood. It would always be wood. I felt Kelly envelope my small hand in his bigger one and press it to his chest.
"How was your day?" Kelly murmured before he dropped asleep without waiting for my answer.
"Long." I whispered to no one in particular.
I was too tired but my thoughts refused to leave me, keeping me awake and annoyed.
Sleep came in an hour. It was dreamless and as restless as I expected.