When I got up the next morning, I looked in the mirror and stared. At the bruises on my arms, my knees, and one in the middle of my forehead. It must have been from when I fell and passed out, which my family didn't know about, and didn't NEED to know about. I was extremely thankful the nurse had believed me, and hadn't decided to call my parents anyways. It would be easy to cover my knees, I just pulled a pair of skinny jeans from my amour. I then pulled on a pretty, vintage top with lace around it, and decided to cover up my arms with a thick sweater, that way it might keep me warm too, though now that it was getting colder I found it almost impossible to stay warm. I found a light pink sweater that was cute with the top and put it on. It wouldn't keep me from shivering, but I wasn't sure anything in my closet could do that. As for the bruise on my forehead, that would be harder. I started by painfully putting some makeup on it, and then I added a white beret. The little hat only covered about half the bruise, but it still made it a lot less noticeable, and that was worth it.

I grabbed my backpack and purse and went downstairs. I could hear my mother on the phone in her room and Melissa was still upstairs, while my father had had to leave early this morning. I took a piece of bread out of the pantry and got a paper plate. I sprinkled crumbs from the bread all over the plate, but through the actual toast away, hiding it in the bottom of the trash. I then took a five-calorie piece of Double-mint out of my purse, and started chewing it. I yelled to my mother that I was leaving, to which she yelled back: "Go ahead!" I left the plate there so that she would think I had eaten something, and grabbed my car keys.

When I walked onto the campus, Hanna texted me saying that we were all in the courtyard at our usual table, so I made a quick locker stop, so I would be overly prepared for first period, and I went to meet them. When I walked up to the table, I sat down in the spot they had saved for me and casually greeted them... but I was answered with silence.

"Guys?"

"Spence, what happened?"

Well it took them a lot shorter than I would have hoped to notice. I played dumb.

"What do you mean what happened?"

"What happened to your forehead?" Emily had a worried expression.

"Oh, that," As if it was nothing "I just hit my head.

"On what? A baseball bat?" It was Hanna this time, her expression matched Emily's, but was, if anything, amplified.

"No...on a... a door, just when I was on my way home yesterday. Walking through the halls, nobody pays attention to anybody, you guys know how that is."

They didn't look ready to capitulate, but they didn't press the issue further. They actually looked frustrated if anything. I wanted to tell them again, that it was only an accident, but lying to them was the worst part of this whole diet. I hated lying to them. And to Toby. To my family? That was no problem, but I felt like I cared about them more. They probably couldn't exactly say the same. Emily looked at Hanna.

"Will you go to the bathroom with me?" She nodded.

"Yeah, I'll see you guys fourth period."

As they were leaving, they had some sort of silent eye contact communication going on, none of which I could clearly read. But it was bugging me.

"What's going on?" No one wanted to answer me.

"Is there something you guys aren't telling me?"

Now it was just Aria and I. She looked at the grass beneath us before finally looking at me. I locked her gaze, and I could feel a little guilt beneath her.

"Aria, just tell me!"

"No Spencer. First you tell us."

Was this some sort of voodoo mind game?

"What? Aria there is nothing to tell." I shook my head in confusion.

"We saw Toby this morning. He's really worried. And upset, and he told us why you weren't at school. We should have heard that from you first. And you should be truthful with us Spencer, we tell each other everything." Her voice was slowly raising.

"Aria, I-"

"No. You need to explain yourself to us, and to Toby. We are all really worried about you! You lost like 20 pounds really fast, which is scary because you were already a beanpole, you passed out and then lied to us about it, and that whole episode with the sandwich?"

"ARIA, I am fine, my eating is fine, and I want you to trust me, okay? Everything is going to be fine now. Toby made me talk to my parents."

This got her attention, she paused, considering this.

"And?" I could hear the hope in her voice.

"And I'm fine."

She sighed. She probably wanted more than that out of me, but that's all she was going to get.

During lunch I saw Toby, my friends actually let him sit with us. We all chattered, and then he asked me that question I had been dreading. "So, did you tell your parents, what did they say?" He looked really hopeful, like Aria. Giddy even. I hadn't talked to my parents. I hadn't even said a word to them in a couple of days. And I didn't plan on it. But they didn't have to know that.

"Well, just that they would make sure I eat more, and make sure I gained some weight."

My friends smiled. Toby looked relieved.

"Good."

"And you know-" Hanna added, "No matter how much weight you gain, you always be my beautiful beanpole Spence."

"Thanks.." I didn't even try to seem flattered. How could they lie to my face? It was so frustrating. They probably only said those things because they pity me.

I hadn't been aware of how little I had actually eaten. Of course though, they had.

"You haven't eaten very much yet though. Eat your sandwich!" Aria prompted me.

I sighed and took out my sandwich. I played with the bag for a minute, thinking my usual games would work, but they continued to stare at me. I sighed, braced myself and took a bite of the sandwich. The little Allison inside my head was going crazy. What are you thinking? You're the last one that should be even thinking about eating that you pig! I bet you'll go home, get on the scale and you'll gain two, maybe three whole pounds! I hid the grief for my friends, as they all looked at me, beaming, so proud.

By the end of the day I was miserable. Hanna had pulled me away when I tried to go to the bathroom, probably because she knew I'd try to get rid of it. I felt... it was this weird feeling, like I was a lot heavier than I should have been, which is only true. I guess I just wasn't used to feeling full. They drug me back to the table where we all sat outside. They talked and giggled, but I just sat there. Too overwhelmed to speak.

When I got home I skipped upstairs, put down my backpack and got out my Physics folder, laying it on my bed as a reminder to do the assignments tonight. I went to my dresser and pulled out some Nike shorts and a T shirt so I could go jogging. I messily french braided my hair, pulled on some tennis shoes and grabbed a watch, so that I could time how long I had been out. I jumped outside of the door, and ran, barely missing the mailbox. I thought I heard voices, maybe Melissa's car pulling up, but I didn't care because I was tearing, flying, leaping, treating cracks in the sidewalk and overgrown rosebushes as hurdles. It was as if all of my frustration and all of my energy were going through my legs, out through my feet and onto the sidewalk and pavement. I kept going. Five minutes. Ten minutes. The voice in my head willing me not to slow. Slowing down was not an option. Twenty Minutes. I ran because I thought I was crazy. I knew I was somehow crazy. I could only imagine what my expression was like, how I probably looked deranged. Hell, I could have been screaming. But it didn't matter, none of it mattered, because at this rate, they'll never catch me.

I had been out for almost an hour and I was now jogging as opposed to the serious ripping leg work I had been pulling earlier. I dodged another mailbox and realized my vision was blurry, and that my legs felt like they were going to fall off. I stopped for a second, grabbing the nearest mailbox and looking down, eyes closed, trying to refocus. I panted heavily, realizing how fast my heart was beating. How it was suddenly difficult and seemingly impossible to get enough oxygen into my body fast enough. I heard a door slam.

"Spencer? Are you okay!?"

Just my luck, managing to stop in front of Aria's house. How can I talk myself out of this one?

"Yeah, I was just running for a while and I got really tired, I'm f-fine."

"Spencer, come on, get inside."

"N-no, Aria," I finally opened my eyes and made an attempt to walk.

"Yes. No buts. Grab my hands."

I groaned and allowed her to lead me inside her house. Once inside she laid me down on her couch and went to get some ice. She kept saying all of these things to me, but I couldn't respond. I stayed there for a while, silent on the cushions. I just kept trying to get enough air into my lungs. She sat next to me on her couch, just staring at me, trying to get me to drink water but I refused. I closed my eyes. I realized how scared I was. I didn't know what was going on, I didn't know what I was doing. This huge knot formed in my throat. I was scared and frustrated and exhausted and angry. Tears slowly dripped down my face, and when I opened my eyes, Aria was crying too.

"Spence, we're so worried. You need to tell us what's going on. Please, just tell me." Her body shook and she clutched my hands. I shook my head. You can't tell her, she'll ruin you. Part of me wanted to, but that small fraction was quickly erased from the drawing board of options. Aria cried on.

"Spencer, we've told each other everything, why is this different? Please-"

"No. I want to. I can't." My breathing was erratic.

"Is it -A? Is she blackmailing you or something? Why can't you?" Aria begged me.

I just shook my head again. Aria pulled me into a hug and we sat there, sobbing into each others arms for a long time. When I though about it, I realized that it almost was like being blackmailed. That little voice even sounded like -A. But the scary thing was that it wasn't -A. It was just a part of myself.

Author's Note: Sorry It's been a while, I will update again very soon, I didn't change much in the next chapter and was pretty happy with it. I'll try to stay with the weekly update thing. THANK YOU! Please read and review! :)