Life, Lies and Video Surveillance
By Cortexikid
Chapter 13: Keak
A/N: I'm gonna be honest, this chapter was incredibly hard to write, definitely the most difficult in this entire series. I originally got ¾ of the way through only to scrap it and start from scratch using a different word and POV etc. (So the previous chapter teaser no longer applies to this, I'm afraid.)
Maybe what I originally wrote can be used in another chapter so it won't go to waste but nearly all of it has been deleted from this chapter. Anyway, hopefully now I've finally got it right...
This is the third and final chapter in what I'm calling the 'doppelgänger' series – a wonderful suggestion put forward by SunnyCitrus10 when she submitted the word 'doppelgänger'. This chapter is again dedicated to her. Thanks again! =]
Disclaimer: NCIS: LA is only mine in my dreams. In reality? Not so much.
WOTD: KEAK; ke·ak verb. To cackle
"And then a purple monkey played the bongos," Hale finished, trying and failing to catch her gaze before giving up and waving his hand in front of Kensi's face.
"Sorry what?" Kensi shook her head, forcing herself out of her haze, her eyes finally meeting his.
"Are you okay? You seem to be in your own world tonight," he murmured, concern lacing his tone as they sat opposite one another, nursing containers of Chinese take-out.
"I'm sorry..." she began, scrambling to come up with a plausible excuse for her absentmindedness, "I'm just annoyed I burnt dinner, I swear, I was only in the shower ten minutes and—"
"It's fine, really, I was craving some take-out anyway," he waved off, his easy-going nature making her almost smile...until the familiar feeling of—something akin to guilt rose in her stomach.
"Marty seemed like a nice guy," Hale commented vacuously, "you know him long?"
Kensi's already uneasy stomach lurched at his words. They only reverberated what she had been trying to ignore all night...the look on her partner's face as she closed her door on him, retreating into her living room with a man who was, by definition, a 'safe option.' She couldn't get the pained look of his bright cerulean eyes out of her mind...her heart panged painfully.
"Yeah he's...he's great. We've known each other a...a long time now."
Hale picked up on her dejected tone and scrambled to lighten the mood.
"Hey, wanna hear a joke?"
Kensi's head lifted at that. Perhaps there was salvaging this night after all. With a soft smile that didn't reach her eyes, she nodded and clasped her hands together expectedly.
"Okay, this is a good one. Uh, so there's this guy, and he's driving to work and he uh...he has to swerve to avoid a box that falls out of a truck in front of him okay?"
Here he paused and Kensi nods frantically to try and move things along.
"Okay well, a cop then pulls him over for reckless driving. He finds the box on the road opens it to find a large amount of upholstery tacks..." he trailed off, a wide grin on his face as he began to chuckle. Kensi frowned, wondering if she'd missed the punch-line but before she could open her mouth, Hale continued:
"'I'm sorry sir,' the cop says to the guy, 'but I'm gonna have to write you a ticket.' Amazed, the driver asks why. 'Well,' the cop replies, 'for tacks evasion!' Ha! Get it? Tacks as in the upholstery tacks? Word-play! Isn't that hilarious? It's like a cop joke and legal joke all rolled into one!" Hale snorts into his mu shu pork as Kensi forces out her familiar creepy cackle, her 'ha!' resonating around the room.
"Good, right?" he asked, a little nervously as she can only barely nod, a fake-grin plastered on her face.
"Um-hum," she replied, throwing in another 'ha!' for good measure.
"That's so cute," he cooed, flashing her a small smile.
"What?" she pondered, confusion flooding her face.
"Your laugh."
With those mere two words, Kensi's world came to a crashing halt. What the hell was she doing? It just hit her now as he said those words, like a ton of bricks crashing into a glass-house full to the brim with fragile china. It was all so obvious now...how could she have been so goddamn stupid? This was all so...wrong!
It wasn't real, none of it. This...thing with Hale it was...a ruse, a way of tricking her brain into thinking that this is what she really wanted and not...the alternative, the only option that has been in her head (and heart) for longer than she was willing to admit, even to herself. A certain blond detective with a penchant for teasing her laugh flashed across her mind.
Realization seeped into her veins; all she was doing here was playing an elaborate game of pretend with Hale – the man that in some loose way reminded her of Marty Deeks. Although the likeness was maybe not uncanny, on a basic level the accountant did resemble the detective at first glance. But even with that, there were certain aspects of Hale that just felt so...wrong to her, some glaring differences that she overlooked in her haste before.
She leant forward in the chair and let her eyes really take in his appearance. Now that she deeply inspected him she noticed that his hair was too 'done' too 'salon-styled', his eyes too dark, too narrow, his jaw, not quite bearded enough, his shoulders, not quite broad enough, his muscles, not quite defined yet lean enough too.
But it wasn't just his appearance that bothered her. It was his lack of...eccentricity. He really was just your average, everyday accountant who owned nice suits but felt 'rebellious' on the weekend by wearing designer jeans and a made-to-look-vintage t-shirt. He lacked a zest for life, a charisma with pretty much everyone (excluding the LAPD) and most of all...the ability to make her laugh even in the worst of situations. Hell, he couldn't even make her laugh in her own apartment!
All five dates (the last four Kensi went through a ritual of trying to convince herself that she had a good time) had all been the same but in different locations. He'd arrive, they'd exchange pleasantries, he'd compliment her almost to a fault, he'd try and fail to make some apparently-funny quip and she'd pretend to laugh. But this was the first time he'd actually commented on said laugh. And to call it 'cute' of all things? The agent suppressed a shiver...
These niggling thoughts were what was constantly in the back of her mind every time they hung out, she realized now. It was why she was now feeling so shit so...uncomfortable in her own apartment that was once filled with teasing and laughter and fun and...happiness. It was Hale...he just didn't belong here. Didn't belong with her.
This charade, as difficult as it was to admit to herself, was just her perverse way of seeing what being...romantic with her partner would be like without actually having to be romantic with her partner. Hale was a cheap substitute for Deeks, his (now that she really looked) bleak resemblance to her favourite LAPD detective was like walking on the wild side. Like taking a glimpse into an alternate universe where she and he could be partners in every sense of the word without any complications.
It was like trying to witness what it would be like to be...intimate with Deeks (even if she and Hale never got that far). Ever since she kissed her partner that first time – that first cover kiss in Brett and Polina's house (and way before that too), these feelings had been coursing through her veins, feelings that she was finding harder and harder to push down into indifference. Or even friendship. No, they were morphing, changing into something...deeper, she knew that. Even admitted it to an extent. But listen to it? Hell no. There was no way she'd ever put their partnership, their friendship on the line for something so...what was it really? An attraction? Yes. A curiosity? Sure. A desire? Hell yeah. But, none of those constituted possibly putting the best partnership she'd ever had in jeopardy. So she settled...and was disgusted with herself for it.
Which was probably why she hadn't kissed Hale yet. She knew that he was getting impatient with her, that they'd been on five dates now and all he'd gotten was a peck on the cheek each time but...she just couldn't make herself do it. She knew what would happen if she did. She'd be disappointed. She'd open her two-toned eyes and meet his hazel gaze and her heart would sink, bile rising in her stomach at the sheer wrongness of their colour. She'd shrug off his too-soft, never-worked-a-hard-laborious-day-in-his-life hands and she'd try to rake her fingers through his hair only to find it to be covered in hair product and jerk away, shock and revulsion and grim disenchantment seeping into her veins. No, just...no.
And yet, despite all this, none of these reasons were a damn good excuse to string along this perfectly nice, perfectly boring, perfectly humourless man. She had to end this, and end it now before it went too far.
"Wait...you think my laugh is...cute?"she asked suddenly, biting her lip, awaiting his response.
"Uh, yeah, it's adorable."
"No, no. Weird? Yeah. Creepy? Definitely. But cute or adorable? No, just...no!" Before she knew what she was doing she'd leapt up out of the chair and was shrugging her shoulders as if to rid herself of the erroneousness of the entire situation.
"Kensi are...are you okay?"
Her orbs snapped to his unfamiliar eyes, and sighed. She never liked doing this.
"I—I'm sorry Hale but...this isn't going to work out."
Hale stilled on his journey towards her. Kensi watched intently as something past over his face, his expression morphing from one of ease to one of...anger.
"You're kidding, right? Tell me you're kidding?"
His tone was as sharp as knives as he glared at her, an ugly twist to his face.
Kensi started, she didn't expect this.
"I'm sorry Hale, really but—"
"It's that cop isn't it?" he growled, throwing up his hands in vexation.
"What—"
"I knew it, as soon as I saw him. What is this some sick experiment to date a higher class, better-dressed, better-paid version of your crush?"
"Get out."
Kensi's blood boiled in her veins as his insulting words towards her partner rang in her ears.
"What—"
"I said, get out."
The accountant froze, his hazel eyes growing wide at her tone. She knew that it was one of steel, ice-cold and hardened like the stony depths of hell. Good. That's what she was going for. She watched him closely as a fleeting look of panic and...fear flickered across his face.
"But Ken—"
"I won't ask again."
The finality of her tone was evident. The accountant, who now looked more like a frightened blond rabbit caught in headlights than anything (a million miles away from the valiant detective) straightened up and wiped what she guessed were his sweaty palms on his far-too-expensive black khakis.
"I—" he started but his voice died in his throat at the agent's thunderous glare.
With a shake of his head, the accountant cut his losses and made his way to the door, opening it wide and stepping across the threshold, before turning back around and jumping a mile when he realized Kensi was right behind him.
"And by the way? 'That cop' is worth six billion of you..." Kensi growled, pushing him out the door, "and can tell a damn good joke without having to explain why it's funny!" she finished before slamming the door in his face.
Kensi stood motionless, heart-racing as she heard Hale leave, his car starting up and speeding away. After the sounds had been engulfed by the still of the night, the agent finally moved and plodded back over to her couch before sitting down heavily, her heart sinking.
She was so...ashamed. Pissed. Dejected. And to top it all off? There was Deeks' disheartened face again, swimming across her eyes as she closed them, tilting her head back towards the ceiling. She had to make things right with her partner. She had to apologize. She had to tell—fear rose in her chest, a shiver engulfing her body, no, no not that. Make things right? Yes. Apologize? Yes. Tell him...anything? No. She wasn't quite that brave. Not yet.
Shaking her head the agent opened her eyes and heaved a deep sigh – staring at the clock. If she was going to do something to fix the mess she'd made, she was gonna have to do it soon, it was getting late...
With slumped shoulders, she trudged into her entirely-too-clean kitchen and looked around, her eyes catching on something. Slowly, a small smile formed on her face.
She knew what to do.
Marty Deeks' thumb roughly pressed the button, the images rapidly changing from a cookery show to wrestling to cartoons to finally stopping on some crappy rom-com. Oh yeah, this was just what he needed. Some boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, girl stomps on boy's heart but realizes she was oh-so-wrong and comes running into his willing arms...blah, blah, blah movie. Except, as it wore on, Deeks realized that it wasn't that kind of story at all. For one, the boy and girl didn't meet – but already knew each other, were best friends in fact. And the boy didn't fall for the girl or she for him, they actually floated into love, their friendship morphing organically over the years. And the girl didn't stomp on the boy's heart or he on hers, they just tackled obstacles together and tried their best to survive it. And there was no dramatic running to an airport after realizing that they'd done each other wrong, there was just a quiet moment of raw truth followed by a warm acceptance.
If only life were like that.
A flash of chestnut hair and polychrome eyes filled the edges of his mind before he shoved the image back down roughly with a gruff shake of his head.
Monty whimpered from his spot beside Deeks, his head on the detective's knee, his chocolate eyes staring blearily up at his master.
"What's wrong buddy?" Deeks asked as he glanced down at his canine companion who looked the epitome of heart-broken.
Monty's response was another whimper.
Deeks sighed, running a tired hand down his face before taking another sip of his beer.
"I know buddy...I know," he murmured more to himself as the ending credits of the movie began to roll, the happy faces of two friends in love forever encased in a freeze-frame.
With a shake of his head, the weary cop leaned forward, remote control outstretched to switch off the TV when a sudden knock at his door stopped him in his tracks. With a somnolent glance to Monty, he heaved himself up off the couch, running a hand through his incredibly dishevelled hair as he plodded to the door – a sense of déjà vu overwhelming him.
Slowly, he unlocked the door and held it ajar slightly, just enough for him to see out into the hallway. What he saw there was both surprising and yet unsurprising.
Kensi Blye stood on his doorstep, now clad in sweatpants and a red hoodie, a wicker-basket held tightly in her hands.
"To what do I owe the pleasure, Little Red Riding-Hood?" Deeks asked, his tone not quite as light-hearted as he would have liked.
A soft, beautiful smile broke out on his partner's face as she rolled her eyes at him.
"Can I come in?"
For some unfathomable reason, those four short words sounded a hell of a lot more than a request for entrance to his home. They held the weight of regret, sorrow and...hope.
"Uh yeah, sure" he murmured, stepping back and opening the door wider, pushing down the protesting urges that flowed through his veins.
"Hey Monty!" she exclaimed as the dog leapt up off the couch and bounded over to her, his tail now wagging cheerfully.
Deeks smirked and shook his head at his dog; he really was Kensi's biggest fan, present company excluded of course.
"So...what's in the basket, Red?" he asked, scuffling over to his fridge and grabbing her a beer before returning, peering at the basket with interest.
Kensi merely shrugged and held it out for him to take. She hoped this could say the words she could not. The gesture being enough to convey her apology because she just didn't trust her voice at the moment...couldn't find the words to possibly try and explain what she thought, how she felt.
He looked down at it again, eyes narrowed in faux-suspicion before handing her the beer and taking the basket from her.
"Is this your signature dish?" he smirked, eyebrows raised as a pleasant scent wafted from it.
"Nope, there was no salvaging that disaster," she replied, hearing her own double-meaning in her words. By the set of his shoulders, she had the sneaking suspicion that her partner did too.
"I just wanted to...to prove that I can cook something. It's nothing fancy like your delicious Banoffee Pie, but it's something," she murmured, her rose-tinted cheeks half-hidden by her now loose hair that flowed over her shoulders.
Deeks beamed brightly – a familiar exuberance seeping back onto his face as he opened the basket and peeked inside. There was a slight pause as he glanced back up to look at her and Kensi knew then that her message was received - loud and clear. As always, he read her perfectly.
"Snicker Doodles? You actually made these?" he adopted a more light-hearted tone.
Kensi looked up from her perch and nodded shyly.
"No help from Wal-Mart?"
She faux-glared and pursed her lips.
"Oh ye of little faith."
"Just speakin' from experience, Sugar Bear. Where did you get Snicker Doodle incredients at 2am anyway?"
"I have my ways."
"Sounds dirty."
"Deeks!"
"What? You walked into that one, Kens."
Deeks erupted with laughter as she took off her hoodie and threw it at him, calling to Monty, "here Monty—get the big bad wolf, go on, good boy!"
Monty, for his part, merely sat on his ass and watched Kensi and Deeks with interest, eyes darting back and forth between the two, his tail forever wagging.
"That's where you've got it wrong Red, with these dashing looks? Clearly I'm the Huntsman," he smirked, taking one of the cookies in his hand and peering at it suspiciously.
"What're you waiting for, an invitation? Eat it already!"
"Okay, okay, just making sure it was suitable for human consumption," he held up his hands in surrender before slowly lifting the cookie to his lips and taking a bite. With dark eyes trained on him, he chewed attentively, a pensive look on his face.
Kensi watched him intently, seeming rather anxious as she awaited his verdict.
"Wow Kens..." Deeks started, his voice giving away nothing, "these are really..."
Kensi bit her lip, leaned forward in anticipation—
"Chewy."
She frowned.
"Is that...good?"
Deeks chuckled as he continued to chew before finally swallowing and offering her a smile.
"They're good Kens, real good, thank you," he murmured, finding her gaze and holding it.
"Are you okay?" he asked suddenly, plucking out another cookie before putting the basket down on the coffee table.
"What—yeah, I'm fine," she replied, severing their eye-contact.
"Uh-huh...you know what that is Kens?" he pointed towards his badge that sat on the table beside the basket.
She nodded, her eyebrows furrowed, wondering where he was going with this.
"It means I'm a detective...ergo I detect things. And right now? I know you're lying your ass off," he finished, edging over to her and sitting down, holding out the Snicker Doodle for her to take.
She looked down at his hand and clasped the cookie, her fingers brushing over his knuckles. Deeks' eyes followed her fingers as he asked:
"Has this anything to do with your accountant boyfriend?"
"What? No...he's not my boyfriend."
"Then what is he?"
"Nothing."
"Harsh."
"You know what I mean. We—we broke up."
"Why?"
"He...wasn't the one for me."
That was met by silence. Unbeknownst to her, Kensi's fingers had tightened around Deeks' as they spoke.
"Oh. Well, that takes the pressure off me then."
"What! Why?" Kensi's heart hammered in her chest. Surely he couldn't be suggesting—
"I was beginning to run out of weather-related jokes."
The NCIS agent snorted, a sense of relief and a little disappointment seeping into her veins (not that she'd admit it) before an idea came to her.
"Hey Deeks, tell me a joke."
"I just told you I don't have any more."
"Tell me any joke."
"Why?"
"Experiment."
"Kinky."
Another snort erupted from her, the brunette chuckled to herself, rolling her eyes, realizing that the detective didn't even need to tell her a joke – he had the ability to make her laugh all on his own.
"Oh no, don't start that."
"What?"
"Your witch's cackle...I don't need to hear that before bed, thanks."
"Aww, does the little detective have nightmares?" Kensi teased, faux-pouting, secretly never more overjoyed to hear that something she did creeped out a grown man and a cop to boot. That was how it should be.
"Hush witch—you want a joke or not?"
"Amuse me. Just—no cop-jokes, please."
"Okay...so, a guy walks into a bar and says..."
For the next two hours, all that could be heard in the apartment of Detective Marty Deeks was the mingled laughter of two friends, the bark of a jovial dog and the occasional bite of chewy Snicker Doodles.
Everything was right with the world again.
A/N: I'm still unhappy with this but maybe I'm just a bit of a perfectionist...anyway, I just wanted to convey that Kensi does acknowledge feelings for Deeks (but perhaps hasn't come to the realization of how intensely deep those feelings go) and now that she has to an extent, I can move forward in a more organic fashion...oh wow, my head hurts haha!
A review would be lovely!
~Ck
NEXT CHAPTER TEASER:
"I can't...die...like this..."
"Just hang on Deeks! I'm five minutes out!" the panicked voice of his partner sounded in his ear as he gasped for breath.