"What the fuck was that Connor? What were you thinking?" Murphy screamed, shoving his brother roughly backwards against the brick of the alley. "You oughtta know better than to do such stupid shit by now. He coulda fuckin' killed you and you wouldn't 'a even seen it coming."
"Well he didn't, I'm fuckin' fine aren't I. Stop makin' such a scene Murph, you're gonna attract enough attention get us caught." Connor growled, looking around to see if anyone had seen it heard them. "We need to go."
"Yea you're fuckin' fine this time, what if you aren't next time. Eventually you won't be." Murphy showed no signs of quieting down, if anything he only got more riled up. "Do you ever think about anyone but yourself Connor? Ever stopped to think about me." Connor had stepped forward again only to get shoved back again, just hard enough to piss him off.
"What about you Murphy? The whole fuckin' world doesn't revolve around you."
Murphys' fist had connected with Connors' jaw before he even saw him move, not all of his strength behind it but enough to hurt. "About how fucked up I would be without you. That's what about me Connor, the fact I fucking need you."
It seemed as if neither of them even breathed in the silence that followed, the need between them was something implicitly understood, however neither of them had verbalized it before; either out of not finding it necessary or being afraid on some level.
Face flushed heart pounding veins rushing Murphy lunged forward, forcing Connor back onto the wall crushing their lips together, his hands clutching the shoulders of Connors' jacket pinning him in place. Out of instinct Connor wrapped his arms around Murphys' waist; hands splayed across his hips and lower back just barely grazing the inch or so of soft skin exposed as his shirt rode up. Murphy was gasping for breath as he kissed frantically, somewhere between hyperventilating and forgetting he needed air at all. Connor kissed him back with the same passion, fingers digging into his back holding him close enough it felt as though they could just merge together into one being. Until he remembered where they were.
"Murph we gotta go home, we can't do this in public." Connor twisted his head to pull away reluctantly.
"I don't care." Murphy panted, shifting to catch Connors' lips again.
"We're standing outside a crime scene where we killed five people. In a known mob hangout. We can't stay here." Damn it was hard to be rational with Murphy kissing his neck the way he was, clearly not listening anyway. Connor fidgeted a little not only because of how exposed they were but because of how unnatural it felt to be the one being held down. He couldn't just ignore Murphys' lips as they found his again though, and he certainly couldn't ignore the wildness so evident in his eyes that had always been right under the surface but had never seemed so real before, a side of his twin he was surprised to realize he wasn't as familiar with as he thought. Murphys' emotions had always bubbled right under his skin but rarely had they found their way out with such intensity. Connor couldn't help but kiss him back, trying to match his ferocity. Then the tears started to flow.
Murphy showed no signs of pausing or even being aware of the fact he was crying, his face slick as his tears spotted Connors cheeks as well, his gasping taking on a sob like quality.
"Murphy what's wrong?" Connor cupped Murphys' face in his hands tenderly. Murphy just shook his head and lurched forward again. "We really do need to go, just tell me what's wrong."
"It's nothing."
"I know you Murph, you don't cry over nothing." Connor brushed tears away with his thumb.
"Jus' let me work this out." Murphy made another move forward only to be stopped again.
"Work what out?"
"I don't think like you do ok." Murphy released his grip on one of Connors' shoulders to use his hand to hold his head still.
"We should have left awhile ago you're going to need to work things out at home." Connor tried being reasonable again in vain.
"I can't wait that long."
"I'm not takin' my clothes off in a dirty alley for you Murph. Some things don't happen in public." Try as he might Connor failed to come up with anything else Murphy could be referring to.
"Not askin' you to." Murphy looked around and in far fetched hope jiggled the doorknob a few feet down from them. Against the odds the door creaked open, Murphy peered into the hazy darkness, behind him Connor placed a hand on his hip having followed quickly in fear of what could lie behind that door. It appeared to be an apartment. Completely empty not even a speck of trash in the huge barren room. Murphy yanked Connor in and closed the door.
They feel to the floor, both grabbing hungrily at each other, frenzied and desperate urged on by some unknown compulsion too strong to defy. Their coats heaped on the floor, hands exploring, kissing fiercely, Murphy still crying and Connor gingerly wiping and kissing away tears, giving in completely to the animal need of whatever it was driving Murphy into whatever it was he so frantically needed to discover.
Connor didn't know what Murphy was looking for, but he knew in those moments laying on a strange cement floor fully dressed and clueless as to why exactly he was there he found God in his brother in a way he never had in all the intimacy they shared. One could argue God had no place in a homosexual relationship between brothers, but there on that floor Connor had never felt the otherworldly bond between them the way he did then, they couldn't be tied together in such a blessedly whole way without some divine approval.
"I'd be nothing without you Connor, you can't hurt yourself without destroying me, you might as well have the barrel to my head yourself when you put yourself in danger. I love you." Murphy murmured, burying himself in Connors' arms and chest."I need you there for me to live."
Connor rested his chin on the top of Murphys' head and tilted his face forward enough to look down into Murphys' eyes. "You're what I live for." It was strange to voice such thoughts when they relied so much on their instincts and bodies, their general sheer understanding of one another, to communicate.
Standing slowly after what felt like days laying there together Connor offered Murphy a hand and pulled him up. Resting one hand on his hip while still holding the other he pulled him into a clumsy dance, off rhythm and disjointed as they found their footing.
"What the hell are you doing?" Murphy laughed as he placed his hand at the back of Connors' neck and followed suit anyway.
"Having fun, doing anything we've never done before trying something new I've always been too embarrassed to admit I wanted to do." Connor twirled Murphy under his arm, Murphy chuckled.
"Do you have any idea how ridiculous we're being right now?"
"And? Might as well enjoy it while we can, do the things we can't in public." Connor snapped Murphy back into the standard waltz like position and continued their graceless but gradually improving dance. "I love you too."
Note: wow this was supposed to be posted much sooner but I had requests and some really difficult emotional goodbyes the last few days. Hope you liked it and it wasn't awful out our of character, hope these chapters aren't all too similar, promise my updating will speed up again soon, please review and let me know what you think :) quick question if no one minds, is this written in an unusual way? I did a sexy one shot kinda like this for a friend and she said she'd never read anything quite like it, it had an interesting style and she was intrigued by how much she enjoyed the subtlety of it. And please don't be offended by the one religious comment made I don't want to argue.