August 14, 2008
Dear Mom,
It seems like it's been a while since I've written to you, even though it's only been a little more than a day. I'm really trying to like it here, and I think I do. Aunt Kathy is a really good cook, and she makes every meal of the day. She even makes lunch.
I don't mean to be rude, but I found that if I don't think about you so much, I don't feel so sad.
Aunt Kathy took me to the movies yesterday night, and that was really fun too. We saw the new Batman movie. The one that you wanted to go see, but it came out too late. I think you'd really enjoy the movie. I didn't really get why it was called The Dark Knight until the end, but I think that might have been the point. Before the movie, we went out to this fancy restaurant. This restaurant was nothing like the restaurants we have back at home. You could eat outside at this restaurant, and if you looked hard enough, you could even see the beach. I think it was beautiful. I don't remember what I ate at the restaurant, but I don't think that's important.
Sometime this weekend, Aunt Kathy said that she wants to take me school shopping. She says it's a little too early to start buying actual clothes, but she'll take me to get a new purse and some supplies. I wonder if people will like me at my new school. Maybe I'll get lucky and meet another Melby. I don't know how I'll survive if I don't meet someone.
Aside from dinner and the movie, yesterday was pretty uneventful. Aunt Kathy gave me something to help me sleep, and it really did help. I slept really good and I didn't dream of you.
You know what I thought about yesterday? How much it sucks that I don't know how to braid my own hair. You promised me that you'd teach me, but you never did. I'm not mad at you or anything. I just wish I could have actually learned it, because now I don't know how to put a proper French braid in my hair.
I swear I'm not resentful, but mommy, what were you thinking? Did you think I didn't need you here to braid my hair and do my makeup? Some kids still have their mommies with them to cheer them on or dress them for their high school prom. But I don't have you anymore. Did you even think of me before you went away? How dare you… just leave me without even saying goodbye.
So… my sixteenth birthday is coming up. And I still remember the driving lessons you gave me a little while ago. I can still hear you telling me "Demi, keep your hands at 10 and 2." How will you know when I finally get my license? Can I write you a letter? I hate not talking to you.
Well, I'm going to go now mommy, because I'm starting to get sad.
By this point, I know my asking is pointless, but I'll ask anyway. Please write soon?
Until next time,
Love always,
Demi.
I get up from my desk chair and go downstairs to see what my aunt and uncle are up to. It's 2:30 in the afternoon and I haven't been out of my room yet, so I'm sure they're wondering about me.
I round the corner to the spacious living room and sit down on a soft couch. My aunt and uncle's living room is really spectacular. It's big enough to fit three couches comfortably, plus one love seat. The furniture is all black velvet and the carpets are very clean white. The plasma TV on the wall is so large that it takes up the entire wall space.
"Hey kid. Good afternoon." My uncle Jason smiles as he greets me.
"Are you hungry at all?" My aunt asks.
"No…" I say softly.
"So… I know your birthday's coming up in a little while…" My aunt keeps her focus on the TV as she eases into the topic.
"…Yeah." I sigh.
"Is there anything you want? Anything special you would like? A new… game or something?"
"No… I'm okay with what I've got."
"We can always take her to the nude beach." My uncle Jason ruffles my hair and laughs. I laugh at that too.
"What flavor cake do you like?" My aunt takes a strand of my hair and twists it around her finger.
"…Chocolate." I find myself smiling a little bit.
"We'll have some cake and ice cream and we'll watch movies here. That sound okay?"
It actually does sound like something I'd enjoy. It sounds like something my mom would do for me, because we didn't have much money to do anything special for my birthday. "Yes…. I'd like that."
"And if you're feeling up to it, we can even go to the beach." My uncle winks at me, which makes me chuckle.
The telephone starts to ring loudly and my aunt gets up to grab it, leaving my uncle and I alone.
"….So kid… how you holdin' up?" He offers me a stick of gum.
I take the piece and pop it in my mouth. "I'm okay… today."
"I feel you kid. It's hard on all of us…"
I nod and watch the TV. Family Guy is on and it's one of my favorite episodes. The episode where Stewie goes into Peter's body to kill the future child that he and Lois are going to have.
"…You know… it gets tough on your aunt too."
"…Really?"
"Oh yes, really. She worries about you, Demi. She's very hard on herself about you."
"Why?"
"We never wanted children, the two of us. Kathy's new to this mother thing, you know. And she's afraid that she's not parenting right."
"…Well she's doing a good job…" I say softly.
"You know, I keep trying to tell her that.."
Just then, my aunt walks back in the room with the cordless phone in her hand. "Demi, the phone's for you, honey."
Somebody's calling me? What if it's mom?!
I know that there's no possible way that it could be my mom, but the hope inside me is still burning. I don't know why I get my hopes up, though.
I take the phone from my aunt and put it to my ear. "Hello?"
"Hey, Dems. What's up?"
"Dallas?"
"It's me…"
"DALLAS! HI!" I feel like crying so hard. I didn't realize how much I missed my sister until I heard her voice.
"Hi kid… how are you?"
"….I'm good. I'm good, Dallas. I'm good…" I have to really try not to cry. "I miss you…"
"I miss you too. Are you doing okay?"
I get up from the couch and take my phone call outside on the patio. It's such a nice day outside. It's really humid, but the slight breeze doesn't make it too stifling.
"I'm doing fine, Dal. I just… miss it back home…. You know?"
"I know… but hey. Whenever I graduate from my program, you and Maddie can both come live with me."
"That's in like… four years."
"…I'm sorry, Demi. I just… didn't think that I should take care of you and Maddie."
"It's okay… how's college?"
"It's an adjustment. But we're all making changes… are you excited to start school?"
"No."
"Well you have to get to know some people. You're gonna be there for a while."
"I know… but what if they don't like me?"
"They'll love you."
"…Do you miss mom?"
"…Of course I miss her. I miss her like crazy. But there's nothing we can do about it…we knew it was gonna happen… right?"
"…I guess." I sigh.
"…So your birthday's comin up! The big sweet sixteen!"
I laugh a little bit. "Yeah… it's not that big of a deal."
"Sure it is! You're gonna be sixteen… I'm getting old."
"No you're not, Dal."
"You know I love you, right Dems?"
"I know, Dal. I know… and I love you too."
"….Well I gotta go. Call me anytime. And answer your cell phone when I call."
"I will… I promise."
"Alright. I'll talk to you later, kiddo. I love you."
"Love you too."
We both hang up the phone. It felt so good to talk to Dallas. God, I love her so much. I wish she would've taken care of me and Maddie. She didn't think she could do it, but I know she could've.
You see, my mom specifically left everything to Dallas. The house, her money, EVERYTHING. And she even left the custody of me and Maddie to her. Dallas tried to take care of us for a month before everything got bad. She thinks she did horrible, but I don't think she did.
She had to work extra long hours to pay the mortgage on the house, which left her no time to study for her college classes. And her job didn't really make enough to support the three of us. I always went to bed hungry, because it wasn't often that we got food stamps. Maddie was hungry a lot of the times too. So one day, Dallas had a bad breakdown, and she went to the courthouse and signed daddy custody of Maddie. Daddy couldn't take custody of me, because I'm not his real daughter. So Dallas signed custody of me to my aunt and uncle. Now Maddie lives back home with daddy and Dallas lives on campus at Texas University.
I don't blame Dallas for signing over custody of me and Maddie, because that's a lot to ask of any twenty year old.
I just wish she could've respected mommy's wishes and kept us. Even though she didn't think she could do it, I think she could have. Dallas is a very smart girl.
I get up from the chair on the patio and head back inside. My aunt and uncle are back to watching TV.
"Did you like talking to her?" My uncle asks immediately.
I nod slightly.
"She really misses you… you know that, right?"
I nod again.
I know Dallas misses me. I miss her too. And I miss Maddie.
I just really think that if she would've tried harder, the three of us could have been okay with each other.
Besides daddy, Dallas and Maddie are all I have left.
And I don't resent Dallas or anything…
I just hate the fact that she split us up.