August 21, 2008
Dear Mom,
Yesterday was so much fun. I don't really want to admit that, because it was my first birthday without you. But it really was a good birthday. You wouldn't be mad at me for having fun without you, would you?
So anyway, I got a lot of presents. I didn't even ask Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason for presents, they just got me them. They spent a lot of money on me. I don't have a favorite gift, because the iPod, iPhone and the MacBook are all pretty awesome. But if I had to choose my favorite gift, I'd probably choose Jorge. Jorge is my puppy, and he is so cute. He looks nothing like Bailey and Bella back at home, but I guess that's fine. He's still super cute. He's a wiener dog, and I think you'd really like him. I didn't know they made teacup wiener dogs. He's a teacup, so he won't get much bigger than what he is now. I guess I should stop calling him a wiener dog, because the proper name is Dachshund. I don't know why I named him Jorge, he just looked like a Jorge to me. He slept on my pillow last night, and I even shared my blankets with him.
I'm really starting to feel like Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason are my parents. That doesn't make you mad, does it?
I don't mean that they're taking you or daddy's place, because they could never do that. I'm just saying that they feel like parental figures. They cook for me, buy me things and make me feel better whenever I get sad. Isn't that what parents are supposed to do? I just wish I wasn't so confused, because I want to feel like I'm their daughter, but I also don't want to make you feel bad.
I talked to Dallas, Maddie and daddy yesterday. It was really nice to hear from them. Dallas said that she really missed me, and she was going to send my birthday gift in the mail. She really didn't have to get me anything; hearing from her was a gift in itself.
Maddie started to cry when she heard my voice. I cried too. She told me she loved me and missed me and she told me that my barbies were very well taken care of. I really miss Maddie. I wonder how she's getting along without you. I wonder if she's taking it as bad as I am.
Daddy told me that he loved me and he said that he didn't have the money to send me a gift just yet, but he got a new job so he and Maddie are okay. I'm just glad that Maddie is never hungry anymore. I feel bad that it took dad so long to get his act together.
Does it make you sad that Dallas couldn't have taken care of us? I know that's what you really wanted. It makes me sad that I can't be home. If I would have been able to stay with daddy and Madison, I swear I would've gotten a job. I would've helped. But the law is a bunch of bull crap and they don't like for people to be happy. That's what Dallas says.
I start school in approximately six days. Today, Aunt Kathy is taking me school shopping. She says that there's no limit to what I can buy, but I'm going to limit myself anyway. I'm not sure how to make friends yet, but I'm really going to try. Uncle Jason has to do some stuff with military training tomorrow and the day after, so we have to get all the shopping done today. Remind me to grab pencils. The good mechanical kind; not the ones that are crappy with the crappy eraser. I'm going to go now, mommy. I'll let you know how nice the mall is.
Until next time,
Love always,
Demi.
I have to be downstairs, dressed and ready to go in ten minutes. I probably shouldn't spend as much time writing to my mom as I do.
I open up my drawer and grab a pair of shorts to throw on. My wardrobe really is crappy. Maybe some new clothes really won't hurt. I pull on the pair of raggedy shorts and put on a purple tank top. I look down at myself. My boobs are really flat. They look like little nubs that poke out slightly. My stomach is naturally flat, and the rest of my body falls off like a straight board. The only thing I have going for myself is my butt, which sticks out pretty far. I'm very satisfied with my body. I don't think I'm too fat, but I also don't think I'm too skinny either. I think I'm at a happy medium. I'm just not satisfied with the way I look. My boring brown hair and boring brown eyes are unappealing.
I check the time on the clock next to my bed. The clock reads "12:52", which means I need to be downstairs soon. I hurriedly slide on the only pair of white flip flops that I own and don't even think twice about combing my hair.
Off my dresser, I grab my new iPhone and slide it securely in the front pocket of my shorts. I use my one hand and hoist Jorge off my bed and I shut my door behind me as I leave my room. Jorge claws my arm, afraid that I'll drop him. I don't like to cage him up, but my aunt will kick his ass if he pees in the house, so I have to.
I take him into the mud room where we keep all our shoes and lock him in his cage. He whimpers and paws at the cage.
"I'll be right back, I promise. I promise I'll be back." I reach my hand through the slats on the cage and pet his head. He licks desperately at my hand.
"Demi, Come on. I don't wanna catch traffic." My aunt calls from the hallway.
"Bye Jorge." I pet his head once more and listen to him cry and whine as I walk away.
"Do you want to hit the mall?" Aunt Kathy slides on her sunglasses as she grabs the car keys.
"Yeah… the mall is okay."
"And after the mall, we can go to Staples. So you can get your supplies. I made your hair appointment for Sunday morning. Your dentist appointment is Friday."
"Okay." I follow her out the house and into the big black Escalade.
"You're gonna love the mall, Demi. It's nice and big. Every store you can think of is in there. You have any idea of where you wanna go?"
"…No not really." I'd really like to get some of the expensive clothes that my friends back at home used to wear. Those clothes were always really nice. But I know they cost an arm and a leg, and I don't want to bleed my aunt dry with the money.
"Well we'll just hit every store that looks interesting. I love to shop. That's one thing you should know about your auntie." She leans in and tampers with the volume on the radio.
"I don't know if I like to shop." I say a little quietly.
"We'll figure that out today." She turns a corner onto a long highway.
I look out the window of the truck. It's so nice here in Florida. The air is very muggy and heavy with humidity. Palm trees line the entire length of the highway, and seagulls are flying high in the sky. It's beautiful. I think it's a little funny how every so many miles on the highway, there's a swamp off to the side with an alligator or two resting in the green waters.
"I hope you know, I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you." Aunt Kathy sings along to the song on the radio.
I know this song. Me and Dallas used to sing it sometimes whenever we went to go get dinner from McDonald's or something. I'm a terrible singer though, and I refuse to sing with my aunt.
"It's personal, myself and I we have some straightening out to do." Come to think of it, my aunt isn't a good singer either.
"And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket…" I join in softly, because I simply can't help it.
My aunt smiles really big at me and turns the radio up a little louder. "But I've gotta get a move on with my life."
"It's time to be… a big girl now. And big girls don't cry…" I sing.
"You got your mama's singing voice. It's beautiful." Aunt Kathy reaches over and pats me on my knee.
"…I'm a terrible singer."
"No, I'M a terrible singer. If you were terrible, I'd tell you so. You're good, Demi."
I smile a little bit. "Thanks…"
"Don't thank me. Just sing on." She turns the radio up WAY louder as the chorus comes around again.
It makes me happy that Aunt Kathy likes my singing, so I sing some more for her. This time, I sing the whole chorus.
"I hope you know, I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I… we have some straightening out to do… and I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket but I've gotta get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now… and big girls don't cry…"
I'm having way too much fun singing with my aunt. We even sing the next part, and it feels weird because I can tell that this is her favorite part of the song, because aside from the chorus, it's the only part she knows.
It's the same for me. It's my favorite part too. So like two idiots, we laugh and sing the next part together.
"Like a little schoolmate in the schoolyard. We'll play jacks and uno cards. I'll be your best friend and you'll be my valentine. YES YOU CAN HOLD MY HAND IF YOU WANT TO… cause I wanna hold yours too." We both bust out into loud, hysteric laughter at how we both blurted out the "hold my hand" part.
In so many ways, my aunt reminds me of my mom. Me and my mom used to sing with each other like this. We used to sing "Teardrops On My Guitar" like we were on American Idol. That was before she got sick. After she got sick, she couldn't do much more singing with me. I hope my mom wouldn't be mad at me for enjoying our special thing so much with my aunt.
Eventually, Aunt Kathy pulls into the parking lot of the mall. She parks by the entrance of the food court.
"I hope you got your game face on. Cause we're gonna shop 'til we drop." She locks the car when we step out.
I smile a little, because I can't help it. "I'm ready…"
I follow her into the mall.
The mall is SO NICE. The floors are all made out of this light brown wood, and there are even palm trees inside the mall. Right in the middle of everything, there's a HUGE fountain that's spitting water at least 1,000 feet up in the air. It's all so much nicer than back at home. In the food court, there's every single restaurant you can think of. TGI Fridays, Ruby Tuesday, Chili's, Subway, McDonalds, Dairy Queen, Taco Bell, The Asian Rice Bowl, Charley's, Italian Village, Orange Julius, Mrs. Fields, Auntie Anne's, Long John Silver's…. and so many more. I can't believe this.
"You're not hungry, are you?"
"No… I'm not. Not yet." I say, still looking at the plethora of places to eat. This place is heaven.
"You want to get a smoothie for the trip? You might get thirsty." She grabs her wallet out of her purse and pulls out a $50 bill.
"….Sure." I follow her over to the smoothie place called Orange Julius.
"What do you want kid? I always get the orange pineapple one."
"I want the strawberry banana…"
"One large orange pineapple smoothie with extra whipped cream and one large strawberry banana smoothie please."
This young, blonde haired boy makes our smoothies for us. "That'll be 18.29." He says as he hands my aunt both cups.
My aunt pays for the drinks and we're off on our mall adventure.
"Which store you wanna go into first? What looks interesting?" We're riding the escalators up to the higher level of stores.
"Um… don't know…." I look around with the straw of my smoothie in my mouth.
"Let's just start from each corner and work our way around. They have the stores in alphabetical order."
We both step off the escalator and walk over to a store that's very darkly lit. It has weird little bamboo sticks on the outside and there's beachy music playing whenever we approach it. I look at the title of the store, written in white letters. Abercrombie & Fitch.
Inside the store, it's dark too.
"Don't worry about spending money, Demi. Okay? Get whatever you think is nice." My aunt sticks with me as we walk through the dark store.
I walk over to the blue jeans. I grab a couple different pairs: one with premade rips around the thighs and the knees, one that hug around my calves, a light blue pair and a dark blue pair. I think I have enough pairs of jeans.
Back at home, my friends used to have the real cute shirts and pairs of sweatpants that had the A&F logo on it. I always wanted some that were like that. So I grab some. I grab a red shirt with white writing on it, a navy blue shirt with white writing on it, a yellow shirt with red writing on it, and a lime green shirt with pink writing on it; they all have "A&F" written on them in some way or another. I grab a couple pairs of sweatpants and shorts to match the shirts I got. All in all, I spend $194.12 in the store. My aunt seems to be glad that I'm spending this money.
Seventeen stores and $2,785 later, I'm all finished with my school shopping. And my aunt couldn't seem happier.
"So do you want to sit down and eat before we head over to Staples or do you wanna go to Staples and then eat?" Aunt Kathy has at least ten of my bags in her arms, and I'm holding a good thirteen.
"We can eat first…. I'm hungry."
"Alright. Where do you want to eat at?"
"Um… I wanna go to Italian Village and get some pizza." I say.
"Okay, honey. I'm gonna go grab something from Long John Silver's. Find us a good seat if you get your food before I do."
"Okay." I secure my bags in my arms and walk over to the pizza place.
"Can I take your order?" The man who's working the station asks me. I feel bad that he's working alone.
"…I just want… two large slices of pepperoni pizza and an order of the breadsticks." I say.
He types in my order on this order pad. "And to drink?"
"A large Pepsi." I watch him as he makes my plate of pizza and breadsticks. He has dark, short, curly hair and facial hair that makes him look a little bit dirty. I can tell that he has a lot of muscles, because he's not even flexing and they show a whole lot. The hair on his head covers his forehead, so it looks like he doesn't have eyebrows. I think he's kind of ugly, but maybe it's just a long day at work.
"That'll be $20.37, miss." He says.
I fish a twenty and a one out of the wad of money my aunt gave me. "Keep the change."
"Thanks." His voice is gravelly.
I take my tray of food and walk off towards where my Aunt Kathy is sitting.
"So… did you enjoy your hardcore shopping trip?"
"I'm still thinking about it." I answer as I sit down next to her.
"You excited for school now? Excited to make friends?" She bites into a french fry.
I grab a breadstick and dip it into the marinara sauce. "Yeah, a little bit."
"You see any cute boys here today?"
"Nope."
"Bummer."
I swallow my small bite of breadstick. "Well… the guy who gave me my pizza was kind of… I don't wanna say he's cute. Because he's not… he looks kind of dirty. But he's nice. I think if he brushed his hair or something he'd look a little bit better."
"You get his name?"
"No."
I guess I am excited to start school. I'm excited to meet friends.
And maybe… just maybe…
I'll meet a cute boy.