August 26, 2009
Dear Mom,
Things have been pretty good. I get scared when things start to go good though, because that usually means that things will be bad again.
I don't think I told you about the mall. It was amazing! Sorry I didn't write to you sooner, but I was so busy. I think Aunt Kathy spent about $3,000 on me. Isn't that crazy? That she would spend all that on me? I don't want to be a brat, but I think I could really get used to this.
School starts tomorrow. I'm not excited as much as I am nervous. I'm so scared to meet new people. I know it's the first day for everyone, but surely everyone will already know everyone. When I got registered for it, I saw a little bit of what it looked like. It's so big, mommy. It's much, MUCH bigger than the school back at home. I'm a little upset that they didn't give me a tour of the school. I don't know where anything is. Aunt Kathy said that I'm going to do something called "A Shadow Day" with another girl that's in my same classes. I don't know the girl's name yet, but I just hope she doesn't decide that she hates me. I don't know exactly what a "Shadow Day" is, but I'm hopeful that maybe it's something that'll get me to be familiar with the school.
These last couple days have been filled with last minute preparations. Monday, I went school shopping. I got all my clothes, and we even bought my supplies. I have five binders, five notebooks, five folders, three packages of mechanical pencils, a big tote bag that Aunt Kathy bought me from Victoria's Secret and a brand new calculator. I think I have everything I'll need.
Tuesday, I went to get new shoes from the shoe store. I was a little confused when we went to TSW (The Shoe Warehouse) instead of Payless. I got some pretty nice shoes. I have every color flip flops that you can imagine, a pair of good Nike sneakers for P.E. class, a pair of Jordans and a couple pairs of flats. Aunt Kathy got me a pair of silver sparkly converse that I don't think I'll be wearing much.
Wednesday, Aunt Kathy insisted that I go get a manicure and pedicure with her, so I did. My feet feel really soft now, and they have little black tips on them. I think it's cute. My nails match my toenails, but the nail part wasn't as enjoyable as the feet part.
Thursday is when I had to go back to the doctor's. I had to get some kind of shots, otherwise they wouldn't let me in school. I don't understand that. It's not like I have some incurable disease, but I guess it makes them feel safer because I'm vaccinated. I got six shots, and both my arms felt like they were going to fall off.
Friday was the worst, because I had to go to the dentist. The dentist here is very clean and it's not in an office like it was back at home. It's a very private dentist, in a small house. I can tell this man gets a lot of patients though, because even though his office is in a house, the parking lot and waiting area was filled. I got my teeth cleaned real good, and the dentist told me that I have to floss better or else my teeth would rot out of my head. He also told me that I have some of the best teeth without braces he's seen in a very long time.
Saturday was a relaxation day. I was glad that we didn't have to go anywhere, because I'm really sick of leaving Jorge alone all the time. Jorge peed in the house and Aunt Kathy kept him in the cage for an hour. He cried the whole time, and I let him out a few minutes before his hour was up, but don't tell Aunt Kathy.
Now today is Sunday, and I went to get my hair done. My hair isn't that different, I swear. It's a whole lot darker, though. And I don't have those horrible bangs anymore. Instead, the hairdresser gave me side bangs. I think it looks cute, but it makes my face look incredibly fat. Maybe if I'm nice to people tomorrow, they won't notice and they won't call me "assface" like the kids back at home used to. Wishful thinking though, right?
I'm gonna go now, mommy. I have to go to bed early tonight, so I should take a shower and go eat some dinner. I love you. I hope you're okay, wherever you are.
Until next time,
Love always,
Demi.
I'm hungrier than I usually am, so I go right downstairs after I finish writing my letter. Aunt Kathy doesn't like for us to eat out more than once a week, so she cooked tonight. I don't complain either way. Take out or restaurant food is really good, but my aunt's cooking is just as delicious.
"Look who decided to grace us with her presence." Uncle Jason says teasingly as he lies across the couch.
"Your life just got a whole lot better." I joke and sit down next to him on the couch. I settle in to watch the rerun of American Dad.
"I hear you start school tomorrow, you little punk. Excited?" He nudges me with his foot.
"Ew!" I push his foot away from me and laugh. "But yeah… a little. Mostly nervous."
"Understandable for your first day. Give it a week. You'll be friends with people in no time, punk."
"I hope you're right…"
Uncle Jason leans up off the couch and grabs the remote. "The Rays game is comin on." He turns the channel to baseball. "You like baseball, punk?"
"I used to watch it with dad sometimes… it was interesting."
"You ever play sports back in Texas?"
"…No."
"Why not?"
"We couldn't really afford it."
"Were you interested in any?"
"…I liked the look of soccer when Dallas played it. But she had to quit. I dunno…. The softball team looked cool too. I always wished I could be a gymnast though, but I'm too fat." I laugh a little bit.
"If you want to do anything… you let me and your aunt know. Sports should be fun for all kids. You know? And I don't have a kid to cheer on. So it'd be nice to go see you play somethin'."
"I'll keep an open mind." I lean over and lie down on my uncle. He's really big and burly with muscles all over the place, but at the same time, he's cuddly.
Uncle Jason lets me lay on his side. He lifts his arm up so that I'm more comfortable and rests his hand on my forearm.
"Uncle Jay?"
"Yeah, kid?"
"….If you and Aunt Kathy did have a baby… what did you want it to be?"
"Don't tell your aunt. But I wanted a daughter; to protect her from boys and coach her softball and basketball team. All that stuff. But things happen." He rubs my forearm.
"You didn't want a son?"
"I did. But I thought a girl would be better than a boy. I grew up with three brothers, punk. I'm a little tired of boys."
"Oh…" I turn my attention back to the baseball game. "…Why did you and Aunt Kathy decide to stop trying? For good?"
"I don't know why, kid. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Me and Kathy tried for six years to have a baby, it never worked."
"Six years? But aren't you guys only like…"
He interrupts me, "I know, I know. I'm only 30. She's 29. We got married young, punk."
"If you guys wanted to… you could have a baby. I don't think you guys should stop trying…"
"When I think about retiring, we'll talk about it again."
"Retiring? You're 30!"
"I've been in the service since I was 19, kid."
"I guess it has been long enough."
We're both quiet for a while. I'm trying to focus on the baseball game, but it's a little bit hard to. I'm really glad that I can just talk to my aunt and uncle the way I do. It's so easy, because I feel like they relate. They understand me.
"Come and eat dinner, you two." Aunt Kathy says from the dining room. I hear her clinking glasses and forks together.
I get up from my uncle's side slowly. He grabs my arm and helps me stand up. "You alright?"
"I'm fine." I nod and stand on my feet without his support.
"You were a little slow getting up, that's all." He stands up too and we both walk into the dining room.
"You want salad Demi?" Aunt Kathy asks me. She has a small bowl in her hands, ready to dig into the salad with the salad tongs for me.
"Mhm." I sit down in the very comfortable chair.
"I want you to eat real good, take a bath and be in bed by 9:30. I put a bottle of Melatonin in your room. Take two before you go to bed." She puts a bowl of salad in front of me and a big plate of spaghetti and meatballs.
"What's Melatonin?"
"Something to help you sleep. It's all natural, so you won't get addicted."
"Okay…" I twist my fork into my spaghetti and take a bite. It tastes exactly like it just came out of an Italian restaurant.
"I'll take you to school tomorrow morning. And I'll pick you up too."
"Alright." I take another bite of spaghetti. I'm suddenly ravenous.
"Do you want me to pack your lunch or give you lunch money?"
"Lunch money. I'll eat at school." I don't know why my aunt is worrying so much. It's only school. Surely I'll be fine tomorrow. She doesn't have to worry so much. "What time do I have to be there tomorrow?" I bite into some garlic bread.
"The late bell rings at 7:40. But they told me that you have to be there early to grab your schedule."
"So I should get up at… 6?"
"I'll wake you up tomorrow. Eat some more bread, honey."
"Kath, why are you worried so much?" Uncle Jason chuckles as he pours dressing on his salad.
"I'm not worried."
"Then why are you treating her like she's two? She's been to school before."
"I'm not treating her like she's two!"
"She's treating you like you're two, isn't she punk?"
I smile a little and admit it. "You kinda are…"
"….I'm sorry. It's just… this is my first day too, Demi!" She blushes and laughs with me.
"I'll be okay."
"I believe you, kiddo. I do. I'm just nervous for you."
"I'm sure I'll be okay. It's just school…right?"
"Right. If you're finished eating, go take a bath."
"Okay. I'll… see you tomorrow, if I don't come back downstairs." I get up from the table and push my chair in. I leave my dirty plate on the table and head upstairs.
I can't wait to take a shower, honestly. I love my showers. I know it sounds weird, but they're the best part of my day.
Just as I turn to go into my bathroom, my phone starts ringing on my dresser. I check the caller ID, because if it's not anyone important, I won't answer.
IT'S DALLAS!
I slide my finger across the bottom of the screen to answer it and put the phone to my ear.
"Hello?" I answer excitedly.
"Hey gorgeous. What's up?" Dallas's voice is so calm and pretty. I love talking to her. I miss her so much.
"Nothin'. About to take a shower… what about you?" I have to hold back tears. I just miss my sissy.
"The same thing. Just got home from one of my classes. I hear you start school tomorrow."
"Yeah. I'm a little nervous…"
"Don't be nervous, Mimi. I also heard that you got a new phone…"
"Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason got me an iPhone for my birthday."
"Awesome. Now we can text every day. Your old phone was shitty."
"It really was…"
"Did you get my gift? I sent it a couple days ago."
"No, I didn't get it yet."
"Text me when you get it. I think you'll love it."
"….When can I see you again? I really miss you, Dal…" I sigh hard into the phone.
"Um…. Well Thanksgiving break is only two weeks for me. So I'm probably just gonna go with Maddie and dad for Thanksgiving. But Christmas break is six weeks long for me. So I'll probably be in Florida for Christmas. I miss you too, Dems."
"Do you think about me?"
"All the time, Mimi. I think about you and Maddie a lot. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep cause I miss you guys. But I know you're both okay."
"I miss you… I wish we could all be together…"
"Demi, I KNOW. I wish we could too. But…"
"You coulda taken care of us…you woulda been a good mom…"
"Demi, stop it. Please stop. I regret that I couldn't take care of you guys. But I had to get myself right before I took care of you two. I love you and Maddie. You know that. You two are my babies. I did what I thought was right."
"…I know."
"I couldn't have you two hungry all the time. You know that I wanna take care of you guys. But I can't if we don't have money…"
"I know…"
"Then why do you insist on putting me on a guilt trip about it every time we talk?"
"I dunno…"
She sighs. "Go to bed, Mimi. You gotta get up early. I'll call you tomorrow to see how school went. Okay?"
"Okay…"
"I love you. I love you a whole lot. Kisses?"
"Kisses."
"Alright. Sleep good. Have a good day at school."
"I Will."
"Love you?"
"Love you too."
We both hang up the phone. I really do love talking to Dallas. I miss her and love her to pieces, but talking to her is all I got right now. I know she loves me too. And I guess I'm glad that she tried to take care of us.
In a daze, I walk over to my dresser to plug my phone in. I notice the brown bottle with a white cap. It must be the sleeping pills my aunt bought for me. I grab the bottle and take two of the small white pills. I dry swallow them, because they aren't that big. I plug my phone into the charger and continue to do what I initially started to do in the first place.
I walk to my bathroom and strip out of my clothes. For the first time all day, I look at myself in the mirror.
My hair is amazing. I love it. I got all my bad ends cut off, so it's about an inch shorter. It's super, duper dark. About three shades darker, very dark brown, almost black. I absolutely love it.
I start my shower water and step into it. The water sure feels good. My hair is up in a very high ponytail, so it doesn't get wet. I don't want the color to wash out.
I wash my entire body from face to toes in about ten minutes. I shaved last night, so I should be okay with that.
And I climb out. I think the pills are starting to get to me, because all of a sudden, I feel really tired.
I dry myself, put on loose pajamas and lie down for good. I reach over and shut my lamp off.
Sleep isn't a bad idea.
Sleep sounds nice.
Sleep is what I'm gonna need for my first day of school tomorrow.