Toaru Imi no Sori

A Certain Warping of Meanings

"We need to talk first," Misaka said as she sat on her bed looking at Kuroko.

"Oh," Kuroko replied simply, sitting down at her desk, "what about?" She asked, though she feared she knew already. The teleporter had long since learned to discern what her roommate was feeling through the subtle physical indicators that everybody had. The electro-master was especially easy to read, her body betrayed her emotions easily in lieu of an ability to express them verbally.

The subtle knitting of her brow indicated some sort of worry or displeasure. The tense muscles and slightly clenched fingers indicated an all too familiar anger or annoyance. The degree of the anger, which was far lower than her Onee-sama's usual sparking ire, likely meant that it was something that had been building for a while.

Though the signs were bad Kuroko maintained a smile, her impenetrable mask. After all, the fearful little girl wouldn't want her Onee-sama to waste her valuable energy worrying about her, and she knew she would. The older girl was kind, too kind, kind enough that she would worry even about someone who didn't deserve it.

But Kuroko's state of body and mind was only part of the reason Misaka was worrying. She had been planning all day yesterday exactly what she would say to Kuroko. She had scripted the entire dialogue in her head and it had had a nice happy ending. But now that she had begun she found herself fumbling for words. She now saw all the flaws in what she had planned to say.

"It's about yesterday, and about last week in general," the electro-master began slowly and carefully. She wasn't very good at expressing herself like this so she needed to try extra hard not to mess things up.

"What happened yesterday? I really don't remember a thing," Kuroko said, worrying again. Her voice was so steady, this had clearly been planned out for a while. If it had been just yesterday she would have had an excuse but if it was all of last week…

"Oh you know… the usual. Hugging me without respect for personal space or boundaries, groping me like a perverted old man, kissing me incessantly, oh you also might have revealed our relationship to our friends," she recounted. She had tried to make that statement comforting but her ire over yesterday's events seeped into her words and turned the last half of the sentence into a slightly bitter barb. But the young girl's concern still outweighed her irritation, so it ended up sounding weak. In comparison to what she was here to talk with her about that incident was a minor one.

These last words hit Kuroko hard. It was not the content, she didn't care if her friends knew about their relationship, she knew that Uiharu and Saten would both be fine with it and perhaps they would help show her girlfriend that their love was not a shameful thing that needed to be kept hidden. No, it wasn't what her Onee-sama said that resounded in her ears like a guillotine blade; it was how she said it. Kuroko would have expected Misaka's voice to be panicked or angry, even if the circumstances had rendered the teleporter unable to control herself the electro-master would still pin blame on her for the actions she took. But the young girl heard nothing like panic or anger in her Onee-sama's voice; she heard resignation.

To Kuroko this was the worst possible thing. Anger or panic were easy, she was used to them. Anger or panic would eventually fade away, resignation was a death sentence, once you gave up things were over, and there was no going back.

Her Onee-sama hated giving up more than anything, so for her to have already reached that point… Kuroko must have really screwed things up. And it wasn't just what had happened yesterday, her Onee-sama had said that it had been for the past week.

"But of course," Misaka continued, scolding herself for that slight slip-up and hoping to get back on track to her real goal of reassuring Kuroko that she could be trusted to be told what was going on and then finding out just that, "I am always looking after you. Ever since we met I've worked hard for you, despite all that you've put me through."

This was meant to reassure but now every word was twisted by Kuroko's mind into a regretful, resentful sound. She didn't know exactly what she had done this past week to make her Onee-sama hate her so but she knew that she deserved it. The last few words, meant by Misaka to be humorous, the teleporter saw as evidence of the incredible burden she had been placing on the one she loved, the one she thought she was making happy, the one who she thought she had been helping.

"I've always been there for you, always helping you and doing what I can for you, because you and I are friends. It's been hard work, but I bear it for you," Misaka went on, trying to show Kuroko that she would be there for her and that she could trust her. She was unaware of the awful things that were going on in her girlfriend's head that she was accidently causing. The mask of a smile was still as impeccable as ever and Misaka wasn't skilled enough to see the quivering of Kuroko's hands as she gripped the chair tight enough to turn her knuckles white or the myriad other things that betrayed her feelings.

Kuroko now saw the "truth". Her Onee-sama wasn't happy. Ever since the beginning Kuroko had been nothing but a burden. Her love was a poison that was hurting her wonderful, perfect Onee-sama. Yet the electro-master had been braving through it all… for her. "I understand," the teleporter acknowledged, her voice, though normal sounding to Misaka, was unnaturally steady.

"You do?" Misaka asked, slightly surprised. The slightly awkward girl hadn't expected this to go as smoothly as it had in her imaginings, so she was shocked that it was turning out to be even easier. But she wouldn't look this gift horse in the mouth, "so you know what I want you to do, right?"

"Of course Onee-sama," Kuroko said standing up. She grabbed her schoolbag and the exercise bag which laid beside it, "I'm sorry for being such a burden; I promise I won't cause you any more problems." With that she disappeared.

Misaka sat there for a while, blinking in confusion. She checked around the dorm to see if Kuroko was still here but she seemed to have definitely left. It felt like something was missing, like a period of time had been cut out of her memory

She could see little other reason that could explain how they had gone from having a nice comforting talk to having the teleporter storm out of the dorm with eyes like a guilty puppy.

She tried to think back and figure out what had gone wrong but she couldn't see anything she had said that would have elicited such a reaction. This raised another question, "What the hell is that girl's problem?" Misaka seethed, a familiar anger descending over her. She didn't even know why she was getting angry.

"Stupid Kuroko. What in the world makes you think that I wanted you to leave? In what world did my kind words and reassurances sound like an eviction notice. Baka baka baka!" she roared as she got angrier and angrier. She had thought it had been going so well so why had Kuroko gone…

But more importantly… why did she sound so hurt when she had left? Though the electro-master refused to admit it was her fault, the thought still existed in her mind that it was something she had said, something that she had done. She had been so worried about how this talk might go, so worried that she would mess up like she always did when trying to express herself.

She thought she had learned how to comfort Kuroko, but maybe she was still as callous now as she had been before.

No... She needed to stop. She was better, she knew she was. She was trying so hard, she couldn't believe that she was still that bad.

"It must all be a misunderstanding," she told herself, "I'll just go and cool down for a little while and things will be back to normal, I'm sure of it."

Thinking of something to fill her time until this misunderstanding was over, she remembered that she had something that she needed to do today. It was Sunday, the day that the Honogun's factories were closed. She needed to go and get the shipping list of those giant robosuits and end that conflict as quickly as possible, she also needed to get the reservation list for the warehouses to ensure that no one else got hurt while she did this.

Now with a purpose, Misaka got dressed and headed out with determination. She arrived a while later at her destination without any sign of trouble. The factory was empty and the door was easy to unlock. Security was minimal and she managed to sneak into the manager's office without any fuss.

She was actually slightly disappointed by this as she began hacking the computer that sat on the desk. She still felt angry and she had been hoping, in the back of her mind, that there would be someone standing in her way that she could let some anger out on. But it turns out her only opponent was this computer and its horrible security (who actually had aikotoba[1] as a password). With a sigh she copied down the shipping logs and wiped all traces of her presence, then she logged off and left.

With such easy obstacles she found it hard to keep herself occupied with just this, and her mind began to wander back to Kuroko and the mess she found herself in with all of this.

'Why doesn't she just trust me? Why is she trying to keep her problems secret? Didn't she scold me for doing the same during The Queen incident?' Misaka thought, irked at Kuroko's hypocrisy while conveniently blind to her own. Instead her mind saw a different flaw with that argument, 'but she got hurt during that fight. Maybe she doesn't trust me because she thinks the same will happen to me if I get involved, that I'll get hurt.'

That thought got her angrier. The Railgun did not like to be underestimated and it annoyed the electro-master how the teleporter managed to look down on her even though Misaka was a level five and Kuroko was just a level four. She had proven again and again that she was tough, that she could handle anyone or anything, yet her roommate still seemed to regard her as a child who needed to be looked after.

Anger truly was easiest for Misaka. It made things simple, it made things easy, it hurt less than worry. Kuroko was just a kid having a temper tantrum right now, and Misaka resolved that she didn't care anymore. She wouldn't appease Kuroko's cry for attention like this.

Misaka arrived at Storm's clubhouse and saw that it too was empty, so she went inside and took a picture of the reservation schedule then left, carefully covering her tracks. After that she headed back to her dorm. The girl's concern was now fully eclipsed by her anger at her annoying little roommate.

Still, when she arrived back at her room, she was disappointed to see that Kuroko was not back. For a moment her worry flared up again. "Maybe I'll call her… where did I put my phone…" she decided and began to look for it.

After failing to find it on the floor Misaka felt around for it under her bed. She grabbed something and pulled it out. It was a book, one she didn't recognize. She checked its cover to see a vaguely familiar red symbol. It took her a minute to remember where she had seen it before, on Kuroko's creepy photo album. But… looking at the page that it was open to, she saw no pictures. Instead there was writing. At the top, in big letters, were the words "Wedding Photos". In the top right hand corner were the words "Date Imagined" and "Date Occurred". The second one was blank but the first one was dated four days ago, last Wednesday.

The rest of the page was filled with boxes of various sizes, with captions to the right of them. The biggest box read "Onee-sama in her dress". Other boxes had things like "Cake" and "Ring". Misaka looked at each one, gradually getting more and more annoyed, her worry turning back to anger. "She's absolutely insane… planning our wedding again. She acts so possessive and shamelessly and yet she wonders why I am embarrassed by her. She's nothing but an entitled brat who thinks she's better than everyone else," she huffed as she continued looking at the boxes and their captions.

Then suddenly she got to a box that had a big X scrawled over it. The caption was also sloppily crossed out. She looked at the middle of the crossed out box and saw some words. As opposed to the scrawled X and the casual writing of the other captions, these words were written very slowly, very neatly, very formally. On the top half were the words "No Room" and in the bottom half were "Doesn't Belong". Misaka knitted her eyebrows, confused. She tried to make out the crossed out caption. It was barely legible but she managed to figure it out. It said "Me".

There was only one more box, directly next to that one, the exact same size as it. The caption was written in the same neat, formal writing as before. It read "The Person Onee-sama Really Deserves."

Several months had passed since Kuroko and Misaka's less-than-positive first meeting. In those several months their relationship had undergone several transformations to reach the state that it was now.

Misaka was glad it had happened as well. Kuroko had been the electro-master's first real friend since 5th grade when her powers had begun exponentially increasing. After that nobody could keep up with her. She was regarded as a prodigy by all. It had made things like socializing so difficult.

Kuroko wasn't like that though. She was one of the only people who would actually look down on Misaka from time to time, but only for things that she deserved to be looked down upon for. The teleporter was one of the only people who could look past the electro-master's exterior and see the warmhearted nature that laid within. Her girlfriend was one of the only people that Misaka could trust.

But Kuroko's true advantage as a friend was that Misaka was not afraid of surpassing her and leaving her behind like had happened countless times before. If anything Misaka saw the teleporter as an equal, or perhaps even someone better than herself.

Whereas Kuroko needed to put up a mask of confidence and efficiency, Misaka did not. The electro-master still seemed perfect but she did not need to maintain that image. Though the level five naturally emitted an aura of perfection she did not try to maintain the image like the younger girl did. And even though Kuroko knew her well and saw past this air of perfection, she still saw her girlfriend as perfect, and she tried her hardest to match the unattainable level of beauty, talent, and grace that she imagined the older girl as having.

But this very perfection that she tried to match pushed her Onee-sama away. Sometimes Kuroko appeared inhuman. She powered through anything in her way with a ruthless efficiency that even the super-powerful Railgun had to admire. Not only that, but her determination was nearly unparalleled. Even the thing that most annoyed Misaka about her could be construed as nothing more than a powerful love and an overeager devotion to her Onee-sama; and few things could be seen as true flaws when they were composed of the word "over" in front of a positive attribute.

Kuroko put up a facade of perfection that was difficult to see through. She buried her flaws deep down within herself. She did not want to appear weak or unstable. She did not want those who mattered to her to see all the problems that she struggled with and think less of her for them.

This lead to Misaka, and most other people, thinking Kuroko was an arrogant blowhard, though an efficient one. Even the scars that adorned the teleporter's chest, one of the few flaws that proved the girl's humanity, had done little to sway this opinion of her. But as Misaka's fingers brushed over those words –don't belong—she knew that this arrogance was just a façade, something to try and cover her emotional scars much like she had tried to cover her physical ones.

She remembered now the words that Kuroko had said as she had teleported away: "I'm sorry for being such a burden; I promise I won't cause you any more problems."

Now Misaka realized what had happened. Kuroko didn't hide her problems because she believed that the electro-master couldn't handle it, she hid them because she didn't want her to handle them. She realized now that her words of "encouragement" sounded like she had been confirming this idea.

It really was all Misaka's fault… Her girlfriend had been feeling like this for days and she hadn't noticed at all… on the day this was written she had been so embarrassed that she had tried to avoid Kuroko. The next two mornings she had thought nothing of her roommate's absence even though it should have been a clear sign that something was wrong. And on Friday….

"I didn't think anyone cared" the teleporter had said…

"I'm such an idiot," Misaka said, tearing up. She had tried so hard not to hurt her girlfriend but she failed again and again and now it had come to this.

She wiped her eyes. She couldn't just sit here and let this happen. If she was the cause then she needed to fix this. She would find Kuroko and sort this out, even if it took all day.

[1]: If you didn't guess from the context, aikotoba is password in Japanese.

Author's note: This was a hard chapter to write. Dialogue is difficult for me, especially when it is dialogue like this. I don't have any experience with relationships so I'm coming from a difficult place to write from.

It was made easier when I realized that Misaka knew as much about what she was going to say as I did. Her words weren't planned out and neither were mine. And no matter what she said Kuroko was going to take it poorly. Kuroko had already decided the end of the conversation before it began, much like I did, though for different reasons of course.

Also I am adding a couple of new features to the end of my chapters. One is a dedication section where I will dedicate a chapter to someone, reader or writer, that inspires me to keep on going. I added one to last chapter as well. The other is a sneak peek into what's coming up in my story.

Dedications: This chapter is dedicated to both a good author and a faithful reader: RivyCheria. Your pm really touched me and made me feel good as a writer and I admit that your work partially influenced this chapter so this dedication goes out to you.

Coming Soon: The Battle of Ryutenshi; the Keyholder's ultimate power revealed.