I'm a little bit upset when I have to leave Mr. Carrison's class. After the snowball fight in homeroom, we really didn't do anything else. All we really did was get out math books and label our notebooks. After he got done explaining the plans for the year, we didn't have much time to do anything else before the bell rang again.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow. You do not need to bring your books tomorrow. Have a nice first day." Carrison says to us as nearly everyone files out of the room. I slowly grab my heavy math book and secure it in my arm. My locker number is 765, but I don't know where that's at. I guess it won't hurt me to carry the book around all day.

I push my chair in and settle down, because I'm the last one out of the room. I sling my heavy bag over my shoulder and walk out the door.

"Hey!" Someone with a real cheerful voice calls beside me. I look around, because I don't see anyone.

I finally turn my head to the right and notice who's speaking to me. It's the pretty girl from math class.

"I think you're supposed to be shadowing me today… Do you have English next?" She stands in front of me and smiles brightly. She has small teeth. They kind of look funny, but she's so facially pretty that it's excusable.

"Um… yeah. I do… do you know where that's at?" We both start to walk down the hallway.

"I'm pretty sure I know where it's at. I came for orientation at the beginning of the month and they showed us where everything was." I notice how when she walks, she walks with a switch. It looks kind of weird.

"I'm glad you know where it is…" I struggle to keep up with her long, graceful stride.

"I think it's right here. Miss Patrick's class." We turn a corner in the hallway and end up right in front of a wooden door with pretty purple flower stickers all over it.

I follow her into the room.

"I'm Selena, by the way." She stops mid-walk into the classroom to turn around and face me.

"I'm Demi." I give her a friendly smile. Truth be told, I'm nervous as hell.

"Demi. I've never met anyone named Demi. That's a… new name." She sits down near the front of the room. I guess it's appropriate to sit beside her.

"Um… my full name is Demetria. But I don't like that… I just like Demi." I sit down in the chair next to her.

"Demetria's pretty. It's just a mouthful. So where'd you say you're from?" She starts squeezing her hair in an attempt to keep it curly.

"I didn't. But I'm from Texas." I turn my body towards her so that I don't seem rude.

"Texas? Really? My aunt lives in Texas. She lives in Grand Prairie. Where'd you live?"

"Colleyville. It's a town right outside of Dallas."

"Never heard of it. So… how'd you find Daytona Beach? That's so random that you'd move from Texas to Daytona."

"My aunt and uncle live here, so." It's really easy to talk to her, which is a good thing. I don't feel pressure or embarrassment.

The annoying, loud bell rings again and everyone in the class settles down. I'm sitting on Selena's right side and on her left, there's a boy. I don't really know his name, but I think he's kind of cute. He's kind of skinny, but I can see that he has muscles. He has on a light brown pair of cargo shorts and a dark red shirt that has the Abercrombie moose on it. His hair is really curly. In fact, it's overwhelmingly curly. It's a wonder he can hold his head up. He's definitely my type.

"Good morning class. Welcome back to school. As some of you know, I'm Miss Patrick, your English teacher." She is a short, dark-skinned woman. She isn't African-American, but she might be mixed race. Her skin is the color of the sand on the beach and her hair is so dark that it hurts to look at it for too long. She's kind of pretty, but awkwardly shaped.

"Some of you I know…. others I don't. If I don't know you, I will know you soon enough." She walks around the room and passes out sheets of paper. I get my sheet of paper and read it. It has the classroom expectations, the rules and the names of some of the books we'll be reading.

"This year in English, we will be concentrating heavily on poetry and classic literary works. At the beginning of each class, we will have a discussion group. You will learn more about the discussions in the future. I will give you your first independent novel to read next week, and your first essay will be next week also. I only require you to keep a notebook for this class. Any additional materials, I will provide. Any questions?"

Nobody raises their hand. The classroom is dead silent and the only noise is coming from the buzzing of the air conditioner.

"Good. Because this is our first day of class, I think we should get to know each other, since we will be spending 180 days out of the year together. I believe you should know just as much about me as I know about you." She talks really fast, but I can tell that she's super modern. She kind of reminds me of Aunt Kathy.

"I'll start it off." Miss Patrick sits down in a chair at the head of the class.

"My name is Bianca Patrick. I have been teaching for four years. I graduated in 2003 with my master's degree in teaching. I graduated from Florida State University. I have one child, a son. You'll hear me talk about him a lot. His name is Matthew and he just turned one year old last week. In my spare time, I coach the softball team here and I like to go rock climbing with my husband, Scott. I do not assign seats in my classes and I try not to tell you guys what to do. Sound like enough about me?" She gets up from her chair and paces back and forth. Everyone in the room is still quiet.

"Now let's go around the room. Tell me a little about yourselves please. Starting with… Mr. Altelli. Tell us about yourself." She draws a line through this name on her roster. I guess she's going in alphabetical order.

A kid with big broad muscles starts to talk. He has light brown hair with a spike in front and big brown eyes. He's kind of cute, but I wouldn't date him. "I'm Zack. I like to play basketball. I'm sure ya'll know me. If not… add me on MySpace." His voice is really deep. I still think he's cute, but he's a bit of a douchebag.

"Thank you, Mr. Altelli…. Liam? Liam Childs… tell us about yourself." Miss Patrick scribbles another name off the class roll.

A weird kid stands up. He has long, black hair with red tips. He's wearing skinny jeans and a black shirt. He has snakebites on his lips and his ears are gauged. I look over at Selena as he starts talking.

Selena sticks her tongue out and acts like she's choking. I stifle a little giggle and nod. I use my finger and twist it around my head, making the "crazy" signal. Selena laughs too.

I didn't hear what Liam said before he sits down. After he sits down, another girl stands up. She has dishwater blonde hair and lots and LOTS of freckles. I don't think she's pretty.

"I'm Amanda Frankel. I like to cheer, go to the movies and eat donuts. I am the head cheerleader and I dislike annoying people." She has a bad attitude to be so ugly. Usually ugly people are super nice.

"And Selena? You next?" Miss Patrick scribbles again.

Selena raises her hand as if everyone can't already see her. Selena is undoubtedly the prettiest girl in the class. "I'm Selena. I like cookies, swimming and getting tan. I also like to make new friends." She looks over at me with the last part and smiles. It's nice how sweet she is. She's super pretty, but she's also genuinely sweet.

I smile back at her. "…We're friends?" I give her a hopeful look and my two thumbs up.

"Of course we are. You seem really cool. You can sit with us at lunch and stuff…if you want."

I nod slowly. "Thanks."

"I remember my freshman year. I started high school here and I felt so weird. Everyone's real nice here, so you don't have to worry."

"Yeah, it does seem like people are nice. I'm glad for that."

We stop talking and I look around to see who's introducing themselves now. The girl named Lacey from math class is telling us about herself.

"So… who's the popular crowd here? I need to be mindful." I chuckle with my words.

"There isn't really a 'popular' crowd. But if I had to choose one, I'd probably say me and my group. I'm not cocky or anything, I'm just saying." She laughs slightly. "Like… Me, Lacey, My friend Regan, My friend Lexi, Lacey's boyfriend, Zack, Mark… My boyfriend, Nick… basically everyone that sits with us at lunch."

"You have a boyfriend? That's so cool. Does he go here?" I find myself prying, but Selena doesn't seem to mind.

"We're like… on again, off again. We don't date right now… but he's not allowed to date anyone else and I'm not allowed to date anyone else either. And yeah. He goes here. He's right beside me." She motions her head to her left.

The cute guy with the wildly curly hair? Apparently that's Nick. And he's Selena's boyfriend. Well that makes him ten times LESS attractive.

"Oh… Oh. He's cute…" I smile at her.

"I know, right? He's so adorable. And he's like… the most popular guy here." She gushes. "Do you think anyone's cute, Demi?"

"No… not really. I don't know anyone!" I giggle. I didn't lie to her though. I don't think that Nick's that cute anymore. Now that I know he's Selena's, I'll back off.

"Well you're super pretty, so you won't have much trouble! Guys here love new girls. They throw themselves ALL over the pussy!" She clamps her hand over her mouth as soon as she says that. "Oops. I didn't mean to…excuse my French."

"No, No. It's totally okay. I cuss too. I kind of… have the mouth of a sailor." I snicker. "But thanks. I don't really think I'm pretty, though. YOU'RE pretty."

"Thanks, Demi. Again, I'm not cocky or anything, but I kind of… know. I mean, boys say it to me all the time. I know that I'm not ugly. But there are some things that I wanna change."

I nod. I understand what she means, and I don't think she's conceited. It's one thing to think you're pretty and be stuck up, but Selena's not. I like how she's confident in her looks, and she's not the least bit stuck up or snobby.

"You're totally pretty though, Demi. Like… your hair is just… flawless. And you have perfect skin. You're gorgeous."

"Thank you…"

"Thank you, Mr. Jonas. Miss… Lovato? Will you introduce yourself?" Miss Patrick interrupts me and Selena's deep conversation.

I clear my throat slightly and begin to talk. "I'm Demi. I'm new here. I don't like hot weather, but I like to go swimming. And… I'm good at English." I shrug. I'm not that nervous anymore. I just want to be myself.

"Thank you, Demi. And you're new to Florida? Or just new to Mainland?"

"New to Florida. I'm from Texas."

"Ooh. That's cool. Well thank you for introducing yourself. And you like to be called Demi? Not Demetria?"

"Not Demetria."

"Got it."

I look over at Selena again. She's kind of busy paying attention to Nick.

"You better not be flirting with anyone else at the mall. Go straight there and come right back home." Selena says to Nick. Her tone isn't mean or anything. It's rather flirtatious.

"I won't." Nick flirts back. His voice does not match the way he looks at all. I don't know why, but when I see him, he seems like he'd have a little bit of a higher pitched voice. His voice is so deep and gravelly.

I sigh softly, but not because I'm sad or anything. I just hope I get a boyfriend while I'm here.

Or maybe even a girlfriend. I don't discriminate.

I swear to GOD I'm not a lesbian. I do NOT like girls. And I don't have any future plans to become a lesbian. I'm not even bisexual, I swear. But if I wanted to be a lesbian, I think I'd be one with Selena.

But I'm not. Because I think the things that lesbians do with one another are pretty freaking gross.

And I'd much rather date a guy.

"So how was school, kid?" Aunt Kathy is very cheerful when I get in the car after the long first day of school.

"It was… good." I nod and tell the truth.

Aunt Kathy starts driving off on the way back home. "Did you make friends? Were people nice? What's your schedule like? Give me all the deets!"

"It was good. I made one friend named Selena. She's really nice. I sat with her at lunch and I met some other people too, but I don't think we're friends. People were really nice. Except for this girl named Amanda. She was kind of a….bitch. But that's basically it. I think school will go good." I'm rambling on easily and that's good. It means that I'm happy.

"I'm glad you like it, kid. I'm really glad. What'd you have for lunch?"

"I bought myself a meatball hoagie. I got a banana and an iced tea and some cookies too. I ate good."

"That's my girl."

To my surprise, it doesn't bother me to hear her say that. I really am my Aunt Kathy's girl. And it's okay. I don't think mommy would be mad to hear me say that.

"Did you meet any cute boys?" She pulls into the driveway of her and uncle Jason's big house.

"No. I still don't know anyone yet." I gather my books and step out the car.

"Give it some time." Aunt Kathy locks the car with the remote and we both go in the house.

"Where's Uncle Jay?" I look around and notice that he isn't in the living room where he usually is.

"He had to go to base to train the new troops again. What do you want for dinner?"

"Whatever you feel like making." I go straight to Jorge's cage and let him out. "JORGE!" I pick him up and kiss his head. He whimpers and cries and licks me all over my face.

I could really get used to this routine. Going to school and coming home to my aunt and uncle. I'm really grateful that they take care of me. I'm really grateful that I have them in my life. I had a great time in school today, and if I keep this up, maybe I'll be popular in school.

I kind of can't wait until tomorrow.

August 27, 2008

Dear Mom,

Today was amazing! Mainland High School is so pretty. The people were really nice to me too, mommy. I met a new friend. Her name is Selena. She kind of makes me feel ugly, because she's extra pretty, but she's awesome to talk to. My homeroom and math teacher is really cute. His name is Mr. Carrison. I think I'm going to be popular in school, which is a good thing. I think school is going to go great. I also think that I was nervous for no reason.

Aunt Kathy made beef stew for dinner tonight. I thought that was a little bit weird, because when you used to make beef stew, you'd make it on a rainy day. It's almost always hot here in Florida, so I don't get why she made that. Regardless, the stew was really good. I think Aunt Kathy should be a chef or something, but if I had a man that made as much as Uncle Jason does, I probably wouldn't work either.

Speaking of men, I want a boyfriend. Selena has a boyfriend and he's really cute. His name is Nick, and he's got a deep voice. Now that I think of it, Nick isn't that cute. I don't know though, mommy. Some guys in the school are hot, but then again, they're douchebags. Maybe if I start to know more people, I'll date one of the upper or lowerclassmen. The guys in my grade don't seem too promising.

Remember how you told me the time would come for me to get a serious boyfriend and have sex? Well I don't know. Maybe it's my hormones, but I really want to have sex. I don't want to do it because I'm a slut or anything, I just want to know what it's like. Plus, I don't want to be the only one. When I look at the girls I sat with at lunch today, it's kind of obvious that they aren't virgins. I don't even think Selena is one. She was talking about sex today at lunch with the friends she knew before she met me. Apparently, Nick's good in bed, but that's beside my point. I don't want to have sex with some random guy. I want to have a serious boyfriend. And I really don't want to be a virgin anymore. In this day and age, it's sad to be a virgin when you're a junior in high school.

I wish you were so that I could talk to you about these things and get your advice, but Dallas has been doing pretty well with that. She called me today to see how school went, and I told her a little bit about my predicament. She told me that I should be sure that it's what I really want, and she doesn't want me to end up like her, because her first time wasn't special. She also told me to make sure I protect myself before I do it.

I don't know why starting a new school made me want to have sex. Maybe I'm just a horny teenager. But I honestly think I want to do it so badly, because I really feel like I'm the only one. You should've heard it today at lunch, mommy. All the girls knew what it was like to at least be… eaten out. I'm sorry to use such vulgar language, but that's what they called it. I haven't even had oral sex. I didn't tell anyone that I'm a virgin, though. I just smiled and nodded the whole time. It was a little bit embarrassing.

I miss you a whole lot, and please believe that if I ever do have sex in high school, I will tell you about it and what it's like. Losing my virginity isn't a goal of mine, I swear. It's not something I'm aiming to do. It's just something I'd like to happen.

Anyway, it's getting a little bit late, and I have to be up at 6:00 tomorrow. I love you so much, mommy. And I miss you more and more every day. Cancer's a bitch. I love you so much. I can't say it enough.

Until next time,

Love always,

Demi.