"Can anyone tell me what important date is coming up this month?" Mrs. Smith asks us. Mrs. Smith is the history and geography teacher. She's a short old woman with fluffy white hair. She isn't mean, but she doesn't play any games in class. She always dresses nicely, which is good for an elder woman.

Nobody in the class raises their hand. I guess nobody knows. Even I don't know.

"I'll give you a hint. It's coming up next week." Mrs. Smith tries again. She still doesn't get any responses.

After a little bit of irritation, she claps her hands together and talks louder, for those in the back who are falling asleep. "Come on, people!"

I still don't know what date is coming up. Is Labor Day in September? What's so important about Labor Day?

"It's the seven year anniversary of 9/11, people!" She talks so loud it's irritating.

But okay. I know that now. It's September 11 already?

"Miss… Lovato. Tell me what you remember about 9/11? The day it happened?" Mrs. Smith walks to her podium and stares at me.

I feel the twenty-something pairs of eyes staring at me. I want to slap the teacher. She did this on purpose. Sitting in the seat beside me is Cody, and he looks over at me too.

"…Um… I was nine when it happened. And we got sent home from school early back in Texas." I say. Cody smiles at me which makes me blush. Why is he so cute?

"Good. Good. And do you remember any newscasts you watched that day?"

"No, not really." If I think hard enough, I probably could remember something that I saw on the news. But I'm just not into really thinking, so I just lie.

"Just like Demetria, we can all probably remember a little something about the day the terrorists attacked us. In this first unit, class… we will be discussing the entire terrorist attack from detail to detail. Now, to help us ease into the unit, all we will be doing in class today is watching old news clips of the day the attack happened. Take a couple brief notes, please. Turn your notes in at the end of the class." Mrs. Smith turns around and turns on the big promethean board.

I cringe at the fact that Mrs. Smith called me "Demetria." I told her on the second day of school to call me "Demi." I guess she doesn't listen, and I guess we're going to have some problems.

Anyway, I grab my notebook out of my bag and I grab a pencil too. I'm not a good note-taker, so I'll probably only take about a half page of notes.

Beside me, Cody slides a piece of paper across the desks. I look at the paper. It's a note.

"What are you doing after school today?" He scribbled down on the paper. I guess I'm supposed to write back.

"I don't know. Probably nothing." I write back and slide the paper to him.

Mrs. Smith starts the news clips and turns the lights off. It takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the new darkness.

"Can I ask you a question?" He wrote.

"Sure." I write.

The phone rings on the wall and Mrs. Smith gets up to answer it.

"Can we make it official?" Cody slips the note back to me.

"Make what official?"

"Us…"

My hand clenches tightly around my pencil. I don't know what to say to that.

Scratch that, I do know what to say. I just don't know HOW to say it. Like… how do I say not yet without sounding mean?

"Cody… you're wanted up in the guidance office." Mrs. Smith says as she hangs up the phone.

I take a breath. I'm so glad that he got called out of class. I can buy myself some time before I have to answer the question.

Cody leans down to my ear. "We'll talk about it later." He whispers. He brushes his lips softly against my cheek and disappears out the door.

I've noticed that Cody's always gone from at least one class a week. Last week, he was called out of art to the guidance office. This week, he's out of geography. I do wonder why, but it's not my place to ask just yet. After all, it could be nothing and I could be overreacting. It could just be a coincidence.

When Cody leaves, I feel like I can relax. I pick up my pencil and start scribbling down notes, but halfway through, I stop writing down the notes. I just can't concentrate while I'm thinking about what Cody just asked me.

I look up from my notebook and glance over at Nick and Selena. Selena is lying on Nick's shoulder, and Nick is caressing her arm. I want that so badly. I don't know why, but I don't feel like I'll have that with Cody. I don't think that he'd let me lie down on his shoulder while he rubs my arm.

I sigh and nonchalantly start doodling on the inside cover of my notebook.

It's not until I'm on the "E" that I realize I just doodled Joe's name.

I really, really need to get my head on straight about this.

"Sorry I don't have dinner done already, punk. I just got back from the doctor's office with your Aunt. You want chicken wings tonight?" My Uncle Jason says as soon as we walk through the door.

"It's okay. I'm not that hungry. I had a big lunch." I dump my bags on the floor in the living room and flop down on the couch. I don't know why, but I haven't felt… right since Cody's question.

"Are you sure you're not hungry? Because I'll make the chicken right now if you are. The doctor's just took a little longer than expected." He goes straight to the kitchen and takes the bag of chicken out of the refrigerator.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not hungry." I grab the remote and turn on the TV. "…So how did the doctor's go?" I've been avoiding the fact that my aunt has been sick for nearly a week and a half now. I just don't want to think of everything that could be wrong. My mom started out just feeling sick…

"It went…okay. We have something to tell you, actually. It's pretty big news." He comes into the living room and sits right next to me. He hands me a can of Dr. Pepper and cracks open his can of beer.

"Really? Is it bad? Is it going to change a life?" I feel tears sting my eyes.

"It's pretty big. That's all. And yes, it's going to change a couple lives, punk. But if we stick together through it, everything should be okay."

"…She's sick, isn't she?" I sniff, and I realize that some tears have already free fallen from my eyes.

"What, Demi?" Uncle Jason seems confused.

"Cancer runs in the family…. She has it, doesn't she?" I sniff again.

Uncle Jason leans over and sweeps my tears away. "Demi, no. She isn't sick. She isn't…It's not cancer, kiddo. Your Aunt Kathy is healthy."

I sniff again and wipe my own eyes. "Then what is it?"

He pulls me in and gives me a slight hug.

It's not bad news.

It's actually happy news.

September 2, 2008

Dear Mom,

Today has just been a big disaster. I don't want to sound dramatic, but it really has been. I'm actually sobbing while writing this.

I'm just not happy right now, mommy. I feel so confused.

Cody asked me out today. like… really out. He asked to make it official. I don't want to make it official, but then again, I kind of do. I do, because I really like him. But I don't, because Joe's always on my mind. I just don't feel right, mom. I feel so horrible. And I just can't stop feeling horrible.

I don't think it's normal. I don't think I'M normal. It's weird how I can be so happy but so upset and depressed at the same time. I'm not miserable here in Florida, but I'm always sad. I think it's because of the underlying pain I still have from losing you. I don't want to seem like a burden, so I don't tell Aunt Kathy or Uncle Jason how I feel. I feel bad though, mommy. Like there's something seriously wrong with me. I feel hopeless.

I don't want to hurt Cody, but what do I do whenever I can't commit myself to him? I didn't want to admit this either, but Cody isn't really… my type. I mean, I like him and all, but he's not what I want. I want a real relationship, and he really doesn't seem capable of providing that.

On the plus side of today, Aunt Kathy told me some life changing news.

At first, I thought she was going to die. She's been really sick for a while, so that worried me. Because your cancer just started out as a sickness too. But She's not gonna die. And she doesn't have cancer.

Instead, she's going to have a baby.

I'm really excited for her and Uncle Jason, mommy.

I feel good, because I'm the only person that knows this besides them. They didn't even tell grandma yet. The doctor said that she's almost two months along, which is weird. Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason say that they've known for two weeks, they just didn't want to tell me yet, in case something went wrong.

It's nice how they're finally having a baby after all these years.

I'm tired, mom.

I'm going to sleep.

I really hope tomorrow is better, because if it's worse, I think I'm going to slip again.

And I know I promised you that day in the hospital that I wouldn't slip, but I don't think I can handle it anymore.

And I really want to keep my promise to you, mom.

Until next time,

Love Always,

Demi.