I'm nervous to go to school today. I'm very nervous, actually.
I'm nervous, because I know that today is the day I have to tell Cody that my answer is no. I know it sounds all cliche and stuff, but I really do hope that we can be friends.
It really bothers me that I don't talk to Joe more, though. I mean, I hardly ever see him. To see him, I have to go out with Nick and Selena and just hope he tags along.
I know Joe said that we can't date because I'm too young, but I still can't put Cody in that position. I can't like Joe as much as I do and date Cody. I'm just not that kind of girl.
When I walk into math class today, I'm already looking for Cody. I think the sooner I tell him, the easier it'll be. I just hope he understands.
I take my seat near Carrison's desk and scan the room for him. He isn't in the room yet. The late bell hasn't rung yet, so he still had a few minutes to make an appearance. To pass the time, I grab my notebook from my bag and open it to a clean sheet. I grab a pencil from my bag too.
"Demi, what did you do to my brother?" Nick plops down in the seat beside me, breathless.
"Hello to you too, Nick." I continue rummaging through my purse for a pack of gum that isn't empty.
"Oh. Yeah. Hey. But anyway, what did you do to him?" He struggles to catch his breath, but still talks fast.
"What did I do to what?" I find a stick of wrapped gum at the bottom of my purse and pop it into my mouth. It's minty.
"To my brother. He's all...weird now."
We both ignore the loud bell that signals the start of class. Selena isn't in here and neither is Cody.
"...Joe? What do you mean? I did something to him?" I feel my heart shrink. What could I have possibly done to him? We don't even talk much.
"Yeah. He's all weird and happy now. And he talks about you to me and anyone else that'll listen. What did you do?"
"...I didn't know... He talks about me?!" I feel myself get all excited and I remind myself to calm down.
"He TALKS about you. SINGS about you. THINKS about you. He even drew you last night, for crying out loud." He explains as he takes one of his bouncy curls and sweeps it out of his face.
"You're lying! He drew me?!"
"Not you, exactly. But your name. All over the cork-board in his room. I'm telling you. The guy is nuts. He begged me to get your number." He shakes his head.
"So why didn't you give it to him?!" I punch him in his arm, pissed off but not really.
"I told him you were thinking about going out with Cody and I didn't think you'd want me to let him have it without you knowing." He shrugs.
"Nick! You could've gave it to him!" I slam my hands down on my desk. I could kill him right now. He's so naive.
"I'm sorry! Here... Give me your phone. I'll put his number in your phone and then you can just text him. But I thought you liked Cody..." He holds his hand out.
I reach down and rummage through my purse again. "I did like Cody. I DO like Cody. But I like your brother a whole lot more." I put my phone in Nick's hand.
He slides his finger across the screen and starts moving his thumbs fast. "Oh. That's what Selena told me, but I didn't believe her."
I scoff and roll my eyes at him. I could've been texting Joe last night if he would've given him my number.
"Will you warn me before you start dating my brother?" He hands my phone back to me.
"We aren't going to date. He said yesterday that I'm too young for him." I sigh.
"...Do you think you're too young?"
"...No. I think if two people are really meant to be, it doesn't matter how old they are. But the law doesn't see it like that, I guess." I sigh again and shove my phone into the pocket of my shorts.
"I think you're right." He slides down in his chair and turns around just as Carrison claps his hands and orders the class.
I pick up my pencil and draw on the blank sheet of paper idly. I somewhat listen to what Carrison says, but my mind is wondering. Joe talks about me? What does he say? Does he tell them about how much he likes me? Does he like me alot?
I make the "O" of his name into a heart on my paper. I'm so pathetic, but I guess I don't really care.
On another note, I wonder where Selena is. She didn't say anything yesterday about skipping school today. Maybe she got sick. I'll text her later.
"...Nick? Is Selena sick?" I say in a loud whisper.
"Nah." He shakes his head and writes down the notes on the whiteboard.
"Then where is she?"
"...Girl doctor's appointment."
"MR. JONAS AND MISS LOVATO, SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS?" Carrison doesn't yell, but he talks so loud that he might as well be yelling.
"...Sorry." I apologize and act like I'm writing notes while finishing the "E" of his name.
So Selena isn't sick? I'm glad for that, honestly. I hope she'll be in school later though. I have a lot to tell her.
It sounds weird, but I wish I went to the gynecologist like Selena. I know you only have to start going there if you have sex or if you're on birth control. I just wish I could go to one.
Not that it seems fun or anything, but it seems like it's mature. I bet all the girls in this room have been to one. I bet I'm the only one that hasn't. I bet I'm the only virgin in here, too.
Breaking my thoughts is my phone that vibrates against my butt in the pocket of my jeans.
I watch Carrison as I slip it out of my pocket. I know I shouldn't have my phone out in class, but there might be an emergency. Especially with having a pregnant aunt at home.
The text is from a weird number. It's a number I don't have in my phone because the contact doesn't pop up. Then again, I'm such a loser here that I don't have anyone's number except for Selena's, Nick's and Cody's.
I slide my finger across and open up the text. It says:
"Hey :) Shouldn't you be in school?"
I wrinkle my eyebrow at the text. Who the hell is texting me and how the hell did they get my number?
I use my index finger and scroll upwards. It says that I texted this person first...
The text from me says:
"Hey Joe. It's Demi. Nick told me to text you."
I feel my face flush bright red and the butterflies in my stomach make me queasy. Oh my god, he's texting me!
I never texted him though...
Nick must've done it when he took my phone.
I hurry up and save his number in my contacts, then I text him back.
Me: I am in class lol. But it's boring :b
I look up to make sure I'm not being watched by Carrison. I know that my cheeks are probably so rosy right now, but I don't care.
Him: So you just thought you could text me? What class you in?
Me: math. And yeah! It's boring i need something to do lol
Him: Don't worry I'll keep you company :)
Me: Oh will you? For how long?
"Demi! Can you tell me what the answer to the third problem on last night's homework was?" Carrison asks. It really seems like he's picking on me today. Or maybe he's just annoying me.
I slide my phone between my legs and look at my notebook. "Um... The answer is... X= -4 and Y= -109." Just as I spit the answer out, my phone vibrates between my legs. Remind me to never put my phone there again whenever it's on vibrate. It felt kinda good, but that's so awkward.
"Good job." He writes the answer down on the whiteboard and leaves me alone.
I grab my phone again and check my text messages.
Him: I'll keep you busy for as long as you need me to. It's all up to you
Me: I have 7 hours of boring classes. Think you can keep me busy for 7 hours?
Him: Don't doubt me, shorty.
Me: I'm not doubting you
"Tomorrow, we will move on to area of trapezoids and then the review from last year will be over. Please bring your books tomorrow." Carrison says. Class must be nearing an end.
Nick turns back around and faces me. "So who are you texting?" The look on his face tells me that he already knows.
"...Your brother."
"What are y'all talking about?"
"None of your business."
Him: So what class are you headed to after math?
Me: english :(
Him: why the sad face, shorty?
Me: can't you find anything else to call me other than shorty? And I'm in school why wouldn't I be sad?
Him: You're such a sarcastic little thing.
Me: sorry.
Him: don't be. I like it :)
"Can I see your texts? Come on!" Nick is bugging the fuck out of me.
"No, Nick. I don't ask to read you and Selena's texts!"
"...You don't want to read them. Trust me."
Me: I really wish I wasn't in school.
Him: I wish you weren't in school either.
Me: ?
Him: It makes you sad. I don't want to see you send me :( faces, beautiful.
I crack a smile that is so wide my face immediately hurts.
Me: beautiful?
Him: You said not to call you shorty...
The bell rings to go to the next class and I shove my phone in my back pocket again. Nick grabs my heavy bag and carries it.
"Thank you." I say to him.
"No problem. Can I see your texts now?" He carries my bag all the way to english class.
"NO! Seriously, you can't. If you want to read mine, you gotta show me you and Selena's."
"Deal. But you can't read the really bad ones." He puts my bag next to my desk when we get to english.
"Okay." I hand him my phone and he hands me his. We both sit down next to each other and he reads my text messages while I read his.
He and Selena's really aren't even that bad. There are few that are pretty nasty, but for the most part, they're sweet. He texts her good morning and good night. He calls her "angel" and "baby girl." The worst one I read was when they were talking about how bad they wanna fuck, but even that one was more sweet than it was nasty.
"...He's flirting with you." Nick hands me my phone back.
"...He is?" I really, honestly haven't realized. Well, not until he called me beautiful.
"Yeah. He really likes you, Demi. I can tell he does from the way he talks to you. ...Don't give him false hope, Demi. Please don't..." I can tell by the way that Nick is looking at me that this is serious.
"...I won't. I swear I won't." I promise him.
"No, Demi. If you're not going to date him, don't lead him on. He's been burned like that in the past. And he's finally happy again with talking to you."
"He doesn't want to date me..."
"And if you're not going to really keep this going, stop texting him."
"I like him, Nick. I wouldn't say I do if I don't."
"Oh? Like you did with Cody?"
"...That's different."
"I don't care what you do, Demi. Just don't do what you did to Cody to my brother."
"I swear I won't."
"Alright."
Him: What are you doing now?
Me: Nothing...
Nick's reading over my shoulder, but I don't care.
Him: still need me to keep you company?
Me: Of course. Unless you're tired of talking to me...
Him: never.
Him: Is it weird that I miss you?
Me: NO! Not at all! :D i miss you too.
Him: And we just saw each other yesterday.
Me: Can you stop flirting with me so much?
Him: If that's what you want. But why? Don't like it?
Me: No. I love it. I just don't want to get my hopes up. Because I'm too young, remember?
He doesn't text me back after that, so I think I might've fucked things up.
"Good morning, class. Everyone have their homework?" My english teacher says with her bright, cheerful voice early this morning.
I grab my english homework from my english binder and set it out on my desk as she comes around to collect it.
"Today, we're going to be starting our first novel. The novel we'll be starting today is called The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. Who here has heard of it?"
I've heard of Jekyll and Hyde. I've never read the story, but I'm sure it's about some guy that has a split personality. I helped Dallas with a book report on it, her senior year of high school.
My phone buzzes again in my butt pocket, and I grab it very secretly. I check the text.
Him: I won't tell if you won't tell, beautiful ;)
I blush again. Damn, this feels good.
Entirely too good for me to be too young.
September 3, 2008
Dear Mom,
Why does age have to exist? Why does there have to be laws? If daddy was 3 years older than you, you would've still married him, right?
I think age sucks. I've been talking to Joe all day today, and I've been falling harder and harder for him. He's so sweet, mom. He's so nice to me. That has to count for something, right?
I keep comparing him to Cody. Cody's more my age, so maybe I should date him. But he's so much different than Joe. Joe calls me "beautiful." Cody calls me "hot."
Technically, I've known them both for the same amount of time, yet Cody feels the need to kiss me all the time. Joe hasn't even held my hand. I think he respects me.
It's not illegal for me and Joe to just date, is it? It's only illegal if we have sex, right?
He told me that "he won't tell if I don't tell." Does that mean that he'd date me anyway?
Mom, I think this is what it's supposed to feel like. I think I'm supposed to have butterflies whenever I think of him. I'm supposed to blush whenever he says something sweet. I'm supposed to feel special when he calls me "beautiful." This is what falling in "Puppy Love" is supposed to feel like. So why does the law say it's wrong? I can really see myself with him, mom. If nothing happens, I can.
Anyway, what's it like at the gynecologist?
Selena sees one. I want to, too. I want to feel responsible and grown. I'm 16 and have never been to a gynecologist. Mostly, everyone has.
When the time comes, do I just tell Aunt Kathy that I need one?
Lots of girls say that it hurts to lose their virginity, but I really think I'm ready.
I think I'm going to lose mine to Joe. Not anytime soon, though. I think I might wait until it's legal. I don't want to wait that long, but I don't want to get into trouble either. I wouldn't mind waiting two years to have sex with Joe.
Selena lost her virginity to Nick when they were both 14. I think that's too young.
I've been a really good kid in waiting this long to lose mine, do you think the law would let it slide if I just did it one time with Joe?
I'm getting ahead of myself. I know that Joe doesn't think of me in a sexual way. But I can't help it. I really want to lose mine to him, because he seems like he's the only one that would care enough to take mine, and take it with...care.
I just don't know what I'm going to do, mom. Should I wait for Joe?
The only other guy I'd have sex with right now is Nick. I wouldn't have sex with him, because he's Selena's, but he's really sweet.
I don't want to have sex with a jerk.
I'm still confused about sex, mom. Maybe I should just wait until marriage. It sounds easier than what it is. With my hormones, I don't think I could do it.
But it's definitely a possibility.
Until Next Time,
Love Always,
Demi.