September 7, 2008
Dear Mom,
I have so much to tell you about last night. It was truly an amazing night.
For starters, Joe and I almost had sex. By almost, I mean we didn't really do anything.
After the football game, we went back to their house and at first, we got in the pool. The pool was fun, but I started to choke, which made Joe take me out of the pool. After the pool, we went to the jacuzzi. We were naked together in the jacuzzi.
I touched him and stuff and he tried to touch me. When he tried to finger me, his fingers wouldn't go in. And then he figured I was a virgin and he wouldn't have sex with me.
So we went to his basement to watch TV and we talked at first then he went down on me.
It wasn't that big of a deal, but it felt really, really good. I did a lot of squirming and moaning, but then he was done. I'd like to do it again. I'm surprised that I'm not freaking out a little more. I guess I'll live, but for now, I'm still a virgin.
In other news, I went to the doctor's with Aunt Kathy. They didn't do anything but listen to the heartbeat and tell her how the baby's developing. At the next visit, they'll be able to tell if it's a boy or a girl. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, and I really don't think I've let it set in yet that a baby will be here in a few months.
Tomorrow, Uncle Jason is taking me with him to look at furniture for the baby's room. I'm kind of excited, but not really.
I also think that something might be seriously wrong with me. Last night before bed, I broke down and started to cry. I don't know why I was crying. I didn't miss you or anything. And I was happy.
But all of a sudden, I just started crying. And I wanted to cut really bad. And I grabbed the razor blade, but then I thought about you. And for that reason, I put the blade down. I guess I'm glad that I didn't cut, but I don't know how long I'll be able to hold off.
Well, I had a long night, and I woke up kind of early to go to the doctors with Aunt Kathy, so I'm going to go ahead and take a nap. I love you.
Until next time,
Love always,
Demi.
I probably should tell my aunt and uncle about my breakdown last night, but I really don't want to inconvenience them. So I'll just keep quiet about it. I don't think it's that big a deal.
I'm still really tired from last night, so I need to take a nap. But before I take a nap, I should call Dallas and tell her.
"Hey Demi." She answers right away. She sounds rather cheerful.
"I have news for you." I tell her, sounding rather enthused. She'll probably be a little mad at me about it.
"Oooh! Okay, I'm listening."
"So last night... I was over Joe's... And we did something."
"...What did you do?" She already sounds disappointed.
"Well... Two words. First word rhymes with... beat. Second word rhymes with...pout?" I don't know why "beat" and "pout" we're the first two words that came to my mind.
"...NO! NUH UH!"
"Yes..."
"SHUT UP! DEMI!"
I chuckle softly. I guess I could understand why she's surprised.
"WHY?! WHEN?! HOW?! ... WHAT?!"
"...I dunno why. It just happened. And it was good. Like...I did not think it was going to feel like that."
"Is that all you two did? You didn't do anything else?"
"No. That's all."
"...Demi."
"Dallas."
"...You better be careful. That's all. Be careful."
"I'm careful."
"...I've gotta go. My class starts in 15 minutes. You know I love you. And BE CAREFUL. Go get on some birth control if you need to. Buy some condoms. Just PROTECT yourself."
"I will, Dal. You don't have to worry about that."
"Alright. I'll call you later and we can talk some more about it."
"Alright."
We both hang up the phones and I settle in to take my nap. I am beyond tired.
Within the matter of three minutes, I have drifted off to sleep.
"Hey Demi. Wake up... Demi..."
The bed is being shaken underneath of me and I don't appreciate it. Why can't people just let me sleep?
"Two more hours." I grumble and wave my hand at whichever one of my aunt or uncle is touching me.
"You've been sleep for an hour and a half. Get up. There's someone downstairs for you." It's clearly my uncle. I could smack him.
"What do you mean someone is here for me?" I mumble into my pillow.
"One of your little friends is here. Get up." He pulls my covers off me and leaves the room.
One of my little friends? It's either Joe, Selena or Nick. Ugh.
I yawn really big and peel myself out of my bed. I'm so tired it's not funny. I might just tell whoever it is to leave me alone.
I hear footsteps coming up the steps. They're too light to be my Uncle's steps.
Into my room walks Selena. She's dressed in her bathing suit top and a pair of baggy shorts with a baseball on them. I bet their Nick's pants. "I came to see if you want to come swimming today, but if you're too tired..." She sits down on my bed.
"...I'll come. I just had a long night." I yawn and stand up from my bed. "Swimming where? Over Nick's?" I rummage through my drawers for my suit.
"No. This place that my mom works. It's a country club. Nick's not coming and Joe's at work. So it's just us."
"Oh. That doesn't seem too bad. I have some stuff to talk to you about anyway." I pull my bathing suit bottoms on.
"Stuff? Is it good stuff or bad stuff?"
"...Good bad stuff. Like...bad stuff. But it's good." I pull on a pair of shorts and grab my phone.
"...Demi? Who do you live with? I know you don't like to talk about it. But I was really wondering who they were. Didn't you say their your cousins or something?"
"Oh... No. I'll introduce you. Come on." I lead her down the steps to the living room.
"Uncle Jay? ... I'm leaving out to go swimming for a little while."
Uncle Jason is relaxing on the couch, eating a Popsicle and watching a baseball game with Jorge. "Alright, kid. Call you Aunt a little later, because I'll be leaving out too."
"Okay. And this is my friend, Selena. Selena, this is my Uncle Jason."
"Nice to meet you." Selena smiles and waves to my uncle.
Uncle Jason waves back at her. "It's nice to meet one of punk's friends."
"Okay, we have to go." I'm rushing out the door, because I don't want him to start talking to her. Then he'll never stop if he starts.
Me and Selena leave the house and go out to her mom's car which is waiting for us in the driveway.
"Hi, Miss Mandy." I say when I get in the car.
"Hi honey. Nice to see you again."
"Why is your aunt and uncle's house so nice?!" Selena asks from the front seat.
"Uh... Uncle Jason's in the military, so I guess he gets a lot of money." I shrug and look out the window as her mom drives.
"You live with your Aunt and Uncle, Demi?" Miss Mandy asks curiously.
"Yeah. Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason..." I don't really mind answering questions today.
"Is your mom back in Texas still?"
I take a deep breath. Selena looks back at me and mouths "Sorry." But I give her the "it's okay" look.
"No... Um... My mom... She got cancer really bad a few months back. And she didn't make it..." I say it as nicely as possible. Cancer isn't exactly a nice thing.
"Oh, really? Oh god. That's terrible. I'm really sorry honey. I'm very sorry."
I shrug. "It's okay."
"I lost my mom young too. I know how much it sucks."
"It does suck." I agree with her.
She parks the car in a parking lot. The place is really sophisticated. It's really fancy looking too.
I get out the car with Selena.
Me and Selena walk a little far behind her mom.
"Was your mom a single mom too?" She asks me.
"Huh? No." I shake my head.
"Oh.. I just thought she was. Then why didn't you stay with your dad?"
"It's a long story."
"I'm sorry to keep asking questions. I just don't know much about you, Demi."
"It's okay. I'll explain everything in a second."
We walk through the doors of the country club. It's nice and air conditioned on the inside too.
"I'll be done with my shift in three hours. Selena, you know where everything is. Don't get into trouble." Mandy tells us. She goes behind the counter of the bar and starts working right away.
"Come on. Let's go outside and work on our tans." Selena grabs my hand and leads me outside to the pool area. There are a bunch of people at the pool, young and old.
We both sit down at a picnic table. The pool is so big, it's not funny. There's even a big water slide.
"I'll explain everything." I sit down across from Selena and cross my legs.
"Okay, I'll listen."
"Well... For starters... My mom and my real dad got a divorce when I was like.. Two or something. My dad was an asshole. He'd like... Hit my mom and my sister. But anyway." I'm Italian, so it's a habit to talk with my hands. My hands are moving as I explain. "My mom got married to Eddie. He's my stepdad. And they had my little sister, Maddie. And we were all a happy family and shit. And when I was like... 12, my mom got cancer for the first time. They caught it early and she was cool for a few years. Then she got it again and it was breast cancer that spread to her brain. It was terminal cancer. So we went broke paying for doctors and stuff. And she died four months ago. And when she died, she left custody and stuff to my older sister, Dallas. Dallas is only 20, so she couldn't really take care of us. So then the court said that Eddie could take care of Maddie but not me, because I'm not his actual daughter. So I got dumped off on my aunt and uncle. Now I'm here."
"...I'm sorry. That must really suck."
"Not as much as it used to. You, Nick and Joe make it suck a whole lot less than what it should."
She laughs. "I'm glad I could help."
I'm glad only me and Selena are here. I'm glad it's only us
"So anyway... Let's get into the juicy stuff." I change the subject because I don't want to be sad. "First off... What did you and Nick do last night?" I don't want to just drop it on her. I wanna ease into it.
"We talked and stuff. Then we went to his room and we had sex... Why?"
"I'm just wondering..."
"...What did you and Joe do? Did you two do it?"
"No." I shake my head but I'm smiling so wide.
"Then what did you guys do for two hours?"
"We talked. And then we kissed. And then... He took off my underwear..."
"AND?" She nearly climbs across the table in celebration.
"And he... Did some stuff."
"LIKE WHAT?!"
"...What you told me felt really good."
"..." She's thinking. "HE ATE IT?! NUH UH!"
"Shhhhh! You're real loud! But yeah... He did."
"OH MY GOD... And? Did you like it?"
"I loved it. Like... I wasn't expecting it. And then he just did it. And it felt... Amazing. Like... It was better than... It was better than Christmas, but not as good as my birthday."
She laughs at my analogy. "I can't believe you... I can't believe it! Why didn't you text me? While it was happening!?"
"I couldn't breathe, let alone text!"
"...What was it like? Like... Was it good? Since he's older?"
"It was fine. He like... put his tongue in. and I moaned SO loud I had to hold onto the couch. It was crazy..."
"Oh my god... You're growin up! My baby..."
"Shut up. You sound like my sister now."
"I'm so proud of you though! You two are definitely gonna fuck."
"I know."
"...Let's go get drinks to celebrate. Come on. I'll get you a Pepsi. My treat."
"I'm not thirsty..." I shake my head, still smiling.
"...Can I ask you a stupid question?" She looks down as if she's embarrassed.
"Sure..."
"Since you're from Texas... Is all you listen to country music?"
I laugh so hard and SO loud. "HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."
"I'm serious though! Told you it was a stupid question..."
"NO! I do like country music, but I like rap and pop and stuff. I like Lil Wayne and Flo Rida and Lady Gaga. I can Crank That Soulja Boy. I know how to Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It."
"Oh... Really? Cause I bet Nick that you didn't know who 50 cent was."
"I've heard Candy Shop before! And I like 21 Questions by him. Stop underestimating a white girl!"
She laughs. "I'm sorry! I just thought..." She laughs some more. "I was actually about to start singing the song that's playing right now but I didn't wanna make you uncomfortable."
I listen to what song is playing. It's E.I. By Nelly. Me and Dallas used to make up dances to her NOW CDs. This song was on one of the CDs.
"I know this song too, Selena. I'm not an alien."
"Well!" She laughs some more.
I start singing it, just to prove my point. "Andale, Andale, mama E.I., E.I. Uh ohhhhh what's poppin tonight..."
"I'm sorry I doubted you." She apologizes.
"It's fine. I understand your confusion. But I'm not a hick."
She laughs again.
I think it's safe to say that Selena is my best friend.