Joe walks into my room quietly. He doesn't say anything as he sits down in a chair next to my bed.

I really hope he doesn't yell at me or anything, because my head hurts already. I wonder if he'll accept my apologies. I really am sorry, but my sorrow is nothing compared to the amount of shame and guilt I already feel.

Joe scoots his chair closer to my bed. The rims of his eyes are puffy and red. He puts a red bag down on the floor next to him. "Hey beautiful..." His voice is hoarse and tired.

"Hi..."

He looks at me weird. I can tell that he wasn't expecting my voice to sound like that. My voice is very scratchy. It sounds like I'm talking with sandpaper in my throat. It feels like I'm swallowing acid every time I talk.

"You okay?" He stands up and touches my hand.

I shrug.

"Are you hurting? You in any pain?" He sweeps my bangs away from my face.

"I feel okay..." I sigh. My head is throbbing. I adjust the tube in my nose.

He bends down and grabs something out of his red bag. He hands me a snowy white teddy bear with a single pink rose attached to it. "Here you go, baby girl."

I sniff and start to cry. I feel so bad. I just let myself get raped, and he's buying me gifts? Don't I deserve to be screamed at?

"Thank you..." I choke out and hold the soft bear in my hands. The bear has a bandage around his left ear and a cast on his left leg. It's cute.

"Open it's tag up. It has a name and everything." Joe points to the tag.

The tag is a red heart with "TY" written on it in gold letters. I open up the tag and read it aloud. "His name is Boo Boo. And he was born on February 17th. It says he was hit by a car when he was a few months old, but he'll get through it and he's a tough little bear."

Joe leans down and kisses my cheek. "You're tough too, babe."

I smile and hold my bear tightly. I love my bear. "Thank you..."

"Don't mention it, beautiful." He sits next to me again and sniffs. "I'm so sorry, baby."

"...Why?"

"Because... I should've... I should've been there. You were probably scared. Probably wondering where I was... And I wasn't there." He sniffs and gives me a tight hug.

"I don't remember anything..." I wipe my years away. "I'm so embarrassed though. I'll never go back to school..."

"Don't be embarrassed, beautiful." He wipes my tears from my face. "It's not your fault." He kisses my lips. "It's not your fault..."

"Do you still love me?" I start to cry a little bit more.

"Of course I love you." He wipes my tears again. "Don't cry..."

"I can't stop crying..."

"It's okay, gorgeous. It's okay. I'll never let him hurt you again. I'll never let him hurt you..."

"I'm so stupid..."

"Don't you say that, Demi. Don't you dare say that. It's not your fault. It's not your fault." He holds me and strokes my hair.

"I don't know how I let it happen, Joe... It like... One minute, I was having fun with Selena. The next minute I'm in a hospital. I can't believe I let him rape me.."

"You didn't let him do anything, Demi." He leans down and kisses me again. "He's just a fucking bastard. He's lucky I didn't rearrange his fucking face." Suddenly, Joe's face is all red. He's shaking.

"...You saw him?"

"...Demi, I thought I was going to kill him. I really thought I was going to do it. Nick had to keep reminding me that I could go to jail. Demi...I thought I wasn't going to be able to stop."

"You fought him? When?"

"...Yesterday. Right after Nick told me what happened."

Just then, the door to my room opens again and in walks Dr. Osborne again.

"Demi, I'm going to put you to sleep for another few hours. The alcohol leaves your system faster if you're asleep, and if you want to grab a bite to eat soon, the alcohol needs to be out fast." She grabs ahold of my IV and starts hooking a different fluid into it.

"I'll get you get some rest, baby girl. I'll be back soon. I promise. Get some rest." Joe kisses me again. "I love you."

I kiss him back. He's careful not to put his tongue in my mouth so he doesn't bump the tube that's in there.

"Rest up." He strokes my face again.

"Okay..." I hold my bear and lie comfortably.

Joe leaves my room and shuts the door behind him.

"That your boyfriend?" Dr. Osborne screws another type of medicine into my IV. "He's cute."

I smile. "Yeah..."

"Does he know about what's on your wrist?" She cleans up after strapping my medicine into the IV.

"...No." I look down.

"You're auntie sure is worried about that. She asked me for a doctor recommendation."

"...oh."

"I advised her not to say anything to you about it until you're ready."

"Okay..." I don't know what else to say. I just cut sometimes. It's not that big of a deal.

"You just get some rest while the rest of this alcohol leaves your system. I'll wake you up in about... An hour or two."

I nod and lean my head to the side. I cuddle with my Boo Boo bear and rest. I want to have dreams about Joe.

I'm asleep so peacefully that I don't think it's possible for me to wake up. I'm having a very nice sleep. But not a very nice dream.

My dream is so vivid that it can't possibly be a dream. Perhaps it's one big memory.

Maybe... Just maybe... It's all coming back to me.

It's just too real to be a dream...

I sat on Alex's couch, drinking jungle juice from my red SOLO cup. Selena sat next to me, leaning on Nick.

Cody sat next to me with a hard look on his face. It looked like he despised me.

"Demi, do you need another drink? I'm getting refills." Selena stood up with Nick.

"No. I still have a decent amount left in my cup." I said.

"Alright. I'll be right back."

Selena left me sitting on the couch next to Cody while she and Nick went to get refills on their drinks. I didn't think they'd be gone long.

I sat next to Cody in dead silence, afraid to say anything to him. He wasn't afraid to speak to me, though.

"I didn't know you drink." He mumbled to me. His voice was as hard as the look on his face.

"I don't..." I didn't want to make him angry with me by not answering, so I mumbled right back.

"First time?"

"Yeah."

"You ever have a Jell-O shot?"

"No..."

"Here. Have one." He handed me a red plastic shot glass that he grabbed off a tray beside him.

I didn't think that one shot would kill me, so I took the shot from him and drank it. It tasted so good that I wanted more.

"You want another?" He asked me. The look on his face went from hard to sly within the matter of three seconds, and I already had the feeling that this won't be good.

"No thanks. I'm fine." I declined another shot, though I really wanted one.

"Come on, Demi. One more won't kill you."

I was too scared to tell him no again, so I drank another shot. A blue one, to be exact.

By this time, my chest was really starting to hurt. It felt like my heart was burning.

Selena and Nick came back after I took my second shot.

"Demi..." Selena called me.

I turned to her. My vision was already blurry and my head had started to hurt a little bit.

"Me and Nick are gonna go to the bedroom upstairs. Come with me."

I didn't want to go sit up in the bedroom with them. Especially if Joe wasn't there. The bedroom is where all the couples were having sex.

"No, that's fine. I'll sit here. I want to drink a little bit more. I'll come up to the bedroom when I'm done." I said.

"I don't really want you down here alone..." Selena sounded worried about me. I should've taken her hint.

"I'll come up in a little bit. Let me finish my drink."

"...Okay." Selena reluctantly got up from the couch and went upstairs with Nick. I didn't know why she worried about me so much at the time, but I really wish I would've taken her advice.

"Me and you can go up to the bedroom..." Cody laughed.

"No thank you. I have a boyfriend." I already felt sick.

"I know, I know. Here, have another drink." He handed me another Jell-O shot.

I drank it, still too afraid to tell him no. I didn't think I should have drunken anymore.

I stood up from the couch and walked toward the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" He asked me. The smile on his face scared me. It was almost like he knew that I was feeling horrible by this point.

"I just want some water." I shook my head, standing up. I shook my head to try and rid myself of the headache I was getting.

"Here. I have water right here." He handed me another red SOLO cup.

I looked into the cup. It was clear on the inside. Just like water. I tilted the cup up to my mouth and guzzled it thirstily. It didn't taste like water. The taste was strong and bitter.

"What was that?" I collapsed on the couch next to Cody, feeling like I was going to pass out.

Cody laughed at me. "It was just a little vodka, Demi."

I coughed a little bit and felt myself beginning to throw up. I needed to go to the bathroom but if I got up, I'd probably pass out.

"Here. Just drink some more jungle juice. It'll make you feel better." He put the rim of another cup to my lips.

I wouldn't open my mouth. I didn't want to drink anymore.

"I just want to go to the bathroom." I opened my mouth to say that, but as soon as I opened my mouth, he poured the cup up, getting some of the liquor into my mouth but the majority of it on my shirt.

I felt so sick. I was about to pass out.

I got up from the couch, held onto the walls and made my way to the bathroom. I didn't want to be rude and throw up on the carpet. I was drunk. I had never been drunk in my life.

I stumbled into the bathroom and Cody followed behind me.

"Get out..." I whined to him. "Get out..." I collapsed on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet.

He put down two Jell-O shots and a SOLO cup on the sink and shut the door.

"Get out..." I mumbled again, ready for the throw up to spew out of my mouth.

I lied down on the floor, breathing heavy and sweating buckets.

He locked the door and shut the lights off.

"Drink this..." He handed me two shot glasses.

"No..." I refused.

"Drink this, Demi."

"I said no..." I was going to die. I was sure of it.

"Drink these last two shots or I swear to fucking god."

He scared me, so I drank both shots. My stomach was hurting terribly. I felt myself fading in and out of consciousness.

"We can go up to the bedroom now..."

"No..."

He laid on top of me. I was too weak to push him off, though I desperately wanted to get him off.

He kissed my neck and bit me softly. "You want it..."

"No..." I whispered, losing my consciousness. I blacked out, but I could still feel everything that happened to me.

He tore my shirt off effortlessly and put his mouth on my chest. Roughly, he clamped his teeth down on my bare breasts so hard that I felt my skin break open. I was too far out of it to react with anything more than a soft cry.

I was too weak to get him off me still, so he took off my pants. And he forced my legs open. And he put himself inside of me. I froze up.

"GET OFF ME!" I mustered up all my strength and punched my fists into his back. He got a kick out of that.

He began raping me. Hard, fast and painfully. In and out, in and out. I wasn't wet, so it hurt worse than I ever dreamt possible. It was dry and it felt like he was pushing spikes in and out if my body.

"PLEASE GET OFF... PLEASE...

PLEASE..." I screamed.

He got angry and grabbed the SOLO cup from off the counter of the sink. He forced the cup into my mouth and I had no other option besides drink.

With that last drink, I couldn't say anything else.

He works his way to the back of me. And he puts himself inside of me from the back. It was painful. Probably more painful than the front. But I couldn't say anything.

The thing that disgusted me the most and made me feel the most ashamed of myself is how he grunted and groaned in murmured pleasure with every rough entrance he made into me.

After this part, my mind goes blank again.

Too vivid to be a dream. So I'll believe it was a memory.

I'm not sure if I want to know what happened to me.

But one thing's for sure...

It's all coming back now.