September 25, 2008
Dear Mom,
I'm going a little crazy being in this house. I need to get out of here. I'm tired of looking at the same four walls. I'm tired of being with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason all day. I just need to get out.
I know that I'm not ready to go back to school, though. It's not just because I hate school either. I'm just not ready to go back and listen to everyone throw a pity party for me.
I wish I could go out with Selena or something. She asked me if I wanted to go to the beach yesterday and Uncle Jason said I wasn't allowed to go.
Yesterday, Joe came over and spent some time with me so that I wasn't alone. Apparently, I had a bad dream and he had to wake me up from it. After he woke me up, we got in the bath together. And he showed me his scars.
Needless to say, I was shocked that Joe used to cut too. He told me all about his cuts. His story was nothing like mine though. When he was in high school, he was popular. He was the quarterback of the football team and everything. But his home life sucked.
His mom cheated on his dad and they were on the verge of getting a divorce. He told me that his parents would fight every night and sometimes, his dad would throw glass plates at his mom. He and his older brother, Kevin had to take care of the two younger ones whenever their parents were fighting and it took a really bad toll on them. He said Kevin started drinking to deal with the fighting and the instability. His younger brother, Nick was selling drugs, and the littlest, Frankie had been expelled from school for throwing scissors at a teacher. All the boys were acting out because their home life was bad.
Joe was the only functioning one most of them times, and he got really stressed out and started to cut.
Sometime last year, his mom and dad found out about everything, and they got them all therapy. He stopped cutting, and now everything is good. Kevin doesn't drink much anymore, Joe doesn't cut, Nick doesn't sell drugs and Frankie is back in school.
He said it's not perfect, but it's getting better.
I feel like if Joe got better, I can too. So for that, I'm really trying not to cut.
Dallas called me today. She was crying a lot and she just needed to vent to me. She told me that she had to drop one of her classes because daddy needs a babysitter for Madison on Tuesdays. Even though Texas State is a good two hours away from Colleyville, Dallas agreed to watch her on Tuesdays.
I feel really bad for Dallas. You ever think that too much pressure is put on her? She was really upset, because with her dropping the class, she won't graduate for another year and a half. And apparently, Madison has turned into a little brat.
Dallas was crying because Maddie kept screaming about how much she didn't want chicken nuggets for lunch, and she kicked her in her knee. I told her to beat Madison's ass.
I told Dallas to hang in there. She said she'd try. And that's all I could ask from her.
Aside from Dallas, I also talked to daddy. He was at work when he called. Apparently his new job is doing very well. He's a car salesman. He told me everything is okay in Texas, though he's not sure if there will be enough money to come spend Christmas here in Florida.
Daddy sure knows how to make me feel better. I like hearing from him. It lets me know that he still cares.
Oh, and Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason picked out a name for the baby. Tyler Jacob. I'm gonna call him T.J. for short.
I don't know if I'm excited for the baby yet. I just hope he's cute. I won't be able to deal if he's ugly, haha.
Anyway, apparently Aunt Kathy is due March 1. That's a long time away to be waiting for a baby.
I remember when you had Maddie. Me and Dallas had to wait in this room, then daddy brought her out to us. She was so cute, but she was so chubby.
Anyway, I love you mommy.
Until Next Time,
Love Always,
Demi.
September 26, 2008
Dear Mom,
I'm getting out of the house today. It's not for a good cause, but I'm still getting out. The hearing is today. I have to go sit in and watch.
Joe wanted to come, but he has to work. I'm not sure how I'm going to do with seeing Cody. I'm just hoping for the best.
I just want this to all be over and done with. I don't even care about a punishment. I just want to forget.
I wonder if I'll get a fine or something. For drinking underage.
Anyway, I have to go. Sorry this letter was so short, but it's all I have time to write for the day.
I'll let you know how the hearing goes.
I love you!
Until Next Time,
Love always,
Demi.
"Demi?" Aunt Kathy knocks twice on my door before she opens it. "Are you ready to go, honey?" Aunt Kathy is wearing black dress pants and a pretty white shirt. I'm totally underdressed.
I have on blue jeans and a sparkly red shirt. "Yeah, I'm ready."
"Okay, let's go honey."
I get up from my chair and follow her downstairs, shutting my bedroom door behind myself.
Uncle Jason is already in the car.
"How's T.J.?" I ask as we walk out of the house. I'm a little nervous to go to this hearing. I talk when I'm nervous.
"He's fine today. Giving me heartburn."
"That sucks..."
"Hey, punk. Get in the driver's seat." Uncle Jason says to me, looking out the rolled down window.
"Me?"
"Yes, you."
I shrug and get into the driver's seat of the truck. I adjust the seat and the mirrors.
"I was thinkin about taking you to get your permit this week." He fastens his own seat belt.
I start the car and slowly back out of the driveway. "That's fine... I need it." I slowly drive down the road. I think I remember where the magistrate office is.
"Ease up off the gas just a little, sweetheart." Aunt Kathy says from the backseat.
I lay off the gas and drive slower. "Do I make this next left?"
"Yes, turn on this street."
I make a flawless turn and drive straight again.
"The office is straight ahead."
I continue straight until I see the grey building. There are two police cars parked outside. I pull into a parking space.
"You're an a excellent driver, Demi." Aunt Kathy compliments me as we all get out of the truck.
"Thanks..." I feel so sick right now. My stomach is in knots.
Uncle Jason puts his arm around me and walks with me into the building. It's cool and air-conditioned in here. It smells like library books and paint in here.
"What case are you here for?" An old woman asks from behind a desk.
"The... Ross case. Cody Ross." Aunt Kathy tells her.
I shudder at the sound of his name.
"Here you go. Straight through the first set of double doors." She hands Aunt Kathy three yellow clip on tags that say "VISITOR" on them in black letters.
I clip mine onto the bottom of my shirt. My legs are shaking so bad.
Uncle Jason puts his arm around me again and we walk through the double doors. There are rows upon rows upon rows of seats, and one big desk in the front. It doesn't look like the courtrooms you see on TV.
A tough looking blonde woman that's sitting at the big desk looks up as we enter.
"Lovato and family?" She asks.
"Yes." Uncle Jason answers.
"Have a seat in the first two rows."
I sit down, Aunt Kathy sits next to me and Uncle Jason sits on the other side of me. I'm still shaking.
In the row across from our row, there is a young, skinny black woman with long hair and nice clothes sitting beside a broad shouldered, buff white man. I think they're Cody's parents.
"Ronnie, bring in the boy, we'd like to get started." The judge orders a man dressed in a police outfit. The policeman nods once and disappears through a side door.
My eyes are watering... Or maybe it's just tears.
After a few moments, the side door opens up again.
Cody comes in, with his ankles chained, wearing an orange jumpsuit. His facial hair isn't groomed.
He sits on his parents' side in the row in front of them.
"Let's get this under weigh." The judge scribbles some things down on a sheet of paper.
Cody looks at me from across the aisle. He's glaring at me.
Is it hot in here? I'm sweating so bad.
"We're here today to discuss the sentencing for the rape... Committed by..."
I don't hear anything she says after "by." The only thing I hear is my heart beating in my ears. I'm sweating buckets.
"It's hot..." I whisper to my aunt. I'm starting to breathe heavy.
"Demi..." Aunt Kathy feels my forehead.
"The records and statements I have here from the police are saying that on the night of September 15, at approximately 10:45 p.m., Mr. Ross took Miss Lovato into a secluded bathroom in which he forcibly engaged in both vaginal and anal intercourse..."
I hear my heartbeat again. "I'm hot Aunt Kathy..."
"Demi...just... Jason... Hand me your water."
"No, Aunt Kathy I'm really really hot." I'm fanning myself. I'm breathing really fast and I can't stop.
I look over at Cody, and all I can see is his face when he was hovering over top of me. Pushing himself in and out even when I begged for him to stop. His smile is burned in the back of my mind.
I can feel my stomach churning.
I hear myself saying, "Please stop..."
I can feel his blood under my fingernails from me digging into his back, trying to get him off.
I'm breathing so heavy and I'm sweating so much. "Aunt Kathy I have... I have..." I stand up. When I stand up, something warm and wet is between my legs. I look down and see that I've pissed my pants.
Next thing I know, I'm on the floor. Bam, just like that.
Since when did I start fainting?