The soft alarm on my phone blares loudly. A little too loud for what I've recently been used to.

Instead of fighting it like I so desperately want to, I reach over and tap the lock button to quiet it. It's 5:30 in the morning, and I am so tired. I barely got any sleep last night, but that's okay. I still feel very refreshed.

My feet touch my plush yellow rug, and I stretch. Aunt Kathy is sure to be up at this hour. She has to go to the hospital for an appointment this morning.

Rubbing my eyes to clear them of sleep, I go into my bathroom and start my shower water. When I'm sure the water is warm enough, I take off my pajamas and step in. The warm water feels good and it does a good job to keep me awake.

I wash my thick hair and move on to wash my body. Careful around my nipples, I wash my boobs. They're almost completely healed from Cody's bite marks.

Carefully, I wash between my legs. My privates don't hurt much anymore, but they're sore as they're healing. Especially my ass.

When my body is clean, I get out and wrap a towel around myself. I wrap a towel around my hair too.

I brush my teeth at my sink. I'm a little nervous, but mostly excited.

I go back into my room when I'm finished brushing my teeth and look for clothes to wear.

It's supposed to be a little chillier today, so I grab a pair of white capris and a blue Hollister shirt. I put on a comfortable pair of underwear that won't make my privates hurt more than they already do, and a soft padded bra. I pull on my shirt and my pants and slip on blue flip flops.

I'm glad I have the kind of hair that waves when it air dries, so I take the towel off my head and let it air dry. It's already mostly dry from the towel.

I spray myself with some perfume, nix the makeup for the day, grab my cell phone and head downstairs to the kitchen.

Sure enough, Aunt Kathy is at the stove making herself scrambled eggs. Her doctor said that she has to eat lots of eggs to make sure T.J. is healthy.

Quietly, I sit down at the island. The only noise I make is when I pull out the barstool to sit.

After scrambling the eggs with a spatula, she turns around. "...You're up early, aren't you?" She seems surprised to see me.

I tap my fingers on the island. "I thought I should get back in school..."

"...Are you sure?"

I nod.

"Absolutely positive?"

I nod again.

"...Well let's get you some breakfast then." She smiles and scrapes the mound of eggs onto two separate plates. She butters up four pieces of toast and hands me two.

I'm actually very hungry. "Thanks..."
I put some of the soft eggs into my mouth. I don't understand how my aunt is such a good cook.

She sits down across from me and eats with me. "What made you decide to go back?"

"I'm tired of falling behind..." I shrug and finish off my eggs.

"You sure you're ready for this?" She polishes off her toast.

"Ready as I can be." I start working on my toast.

"That's my girl." She smiles and pats my wrist.

I smile back. "I just don't want people to be all sad for me... I wanna get over it..."

"That's a start." She nods once. "Maybe people will be considerate."

"Hopefully..." I sigh and finish eating.

"...What about your other problem? Can I see that?" She collects my plate and takes it to the sink when I finish.

"What other problem?" I ask, clueless.

"On your arm, honey..." She dances around it with her words.

"Oh..." I sigh. If I refuse to show her, I'll look suspicious. But if I show her, then she'll see that I have one fresh cut.

Torn, I just turn my hand palm-up and let her see. I covered them slightly with makeup, but the freshest cut is still visible.

"...Looks okay..." She brushes her thumb over the scars and scabs. "When did you do this one?" She stops at my freshest one.

I won't lie to her. "...three days ago..."

"That's too soon for me..." She shakes her head. "I want to get you someone to talk to..."

"I don't want anyone..."

"Yeah, well I don't want a dead niece." She shuts off the lights in the kitchen and grabs her car keys.

I spring up from the chair and grab my bag, my purse and my phone. "I'm not gonna die..."

"If you hit a vein, you will." She shuts the front door behind us.

"Nuh uh..." I climb in the front seat of the car.

"Yes huh, Demi." She starts the car and backs out of the driveway.

"Nuh uh! Cause you have to cut downwards to bleed and die!" I say triumphantly.

Aunt Kathy doesn't say a word. She just looks at me, even as she's driving. I won.

Teasingly, I stick my tongue out at her.

"...The fact that you know that scares me. You are one scary child." She shakes her head and nears the school.

"T.J.'s gonna be a scary child too." I laugh.

"I won't let him be." She shakes her head and pulls in to the drop off section of school.

I laugh and grab the door handle. "See you, Aunt Kathy..."

"Wait, Demi." She talks in a serious tone all of a sudden.

I stop trying to get out. "Yeah?"

"...If it's too rough... Gimme a call. I'll come scoop you up so fast..."

"I will, Aunt Kathy." I nod.

She leans over and kisses my cheek. "Have a nice day at school, kid."

"I will..." I get out of the car and head inside the building.

I kind of missed being in school. I missed the socialization and the learning part. I didn't miss actually being here.

Just as I'm arriving to school, the bell to first period is ringing. Naturally, I fill in with the crowd walking to first period. I notice that a few of the seniors are staring at me. I feel like throwing up my breakfast.

I speed walk down the hall and disappear into Carrison's class before anyone else can see me.

Nobody's in the classroom yet, so I take my seat near the window beside Carrison's desk. I grab my math notebook from my bag and screw my book in my locker.

The first person to come in the room after me is a boy named Frank. He just looks at me briefly before taking his seat. After Frank, bitch Amanda comes in. She looks at me for a long time.

Lacey and Alex walk in together. Alex takes his seat one row away from me, and Lacey walks directly over to me.

"...Welcome back. If you're lost in any class... Just ask." She smiles at me and rubs my back.

I smile politely. "Thanks..."

"Have a nice vacation?" Alex jokes.

I nod and smile. "Very nice."

Finally, Nick walks in, Selena following close behind him.

"...DEEEMI!" Selena runs over to me and embraces me, nearly knocking me out of my chair. "HIIII!"

I laugh. "Hi... I just saw you yesterday..."

"I KNOW BUT YOU'RE IN SCHOOL!"

I nod. "Yeah... I am."

The bell rings again, and Selena rushes to her seat reluctantly.

In walks Carrison. He looks directly at me and smiles. He doesn't say anything, though. I'm grateful for that.

"Good morning, class." Carrison claps his hands together. "Isn't this a lovely Monday morning?" He motions to the window. It's cloudy outside and it looks like it might rain.

"So for today, I have some problems on the whiteboard that I'd like for you to try for 15 minutes. We'll go over them, and the rest of the class is free." He gives us the assignment and retreats back to his desk.

I open up my notebook to a clean sheet of paper and begin to write. Thanks to Selena, I'm not all that lost. I know how to do Pythagorean Theorem.

I write down the problem: If a triangle has legs that are 30 and 50, what is the length of the hypotenuse?

I start solving the problem. 30 squared is 90. 50 squared is 1000. 1000 + 90 is 1090...

"Demi..." Carrison calls me.

I look up from my paper. I look at him.

"Can I see you at my desk for a moment?"

Slowly, I stand up and walk to his desk.

"...Welcome back, Kiddo." He smiles at me. "You need help on anything... Just ask. If you have a tough time with anyone, just tells." He hands me a Hershey kiss.

"Thanks..." I smile and take the chocolate.

"Don't mention it." He gives my arm a pat and let's me go.

I sit back down at my desk and start working again.

Bitch Amanda keeps glaring at me.

I guess I'll just let it go.

"Dodgeball today." The gym teacher blows his whistle before he takes roll.

I stand next to Selena with my black shorts and white t-shirt. I've been having a really good day in school. Two more periods to go before I get to go home and tell Joe all about my day.

"TEAMS!" The teacher yells. He starts rambling off names. "LOVATO, GOMEZ, WELLER, PARKS, JAMESON..."

I walk to the other side of the gym with Selena. Bitch Amanda is on our team.

"I'm so happy you're back in school, Dem." Selena smiles and stretches her arms.

"I'm happy too..." I agree and pull my hair up into a ponytail.

"Nobody cares." Bitch Amanda rolls her eyes at me.

I'm not in the mood. I roll my eyes back at her.

The teacher blows the whistle and the dodgeball game starts.

I stay near the back until the end. I'm not very good at dodgeball.

"She thinks just cause she got fucked at a party means that we all have to bow down to her." I hear Bitch Amanda gossiping to another dark haired girl.

I'm REALLY not in the mood. "You have a problem?" I ask her. My voice is smart, attitude filled.

"Look who has balls now." She chuckles in a mocking fashion. "And not Cody's balls that were in her mouth."

I'm seething already, oh my god. "You fat bitch... Shut the-"

"Demi, just let it go... Let it go..." Selena grabs me by my arm. "You don't need this..."

"No! She doesn't know what she's talking about!" I'm pulling away from Selena. I'm crying and I'm not sure why.

"Demi, chill! You're not getting suspended again!" She holds my arms. "Just calm down... She's a bitch..."

I'm breathing really heavy. I don't think I've been so angry in my life.

Thank god for Selena, though.

October 3, 2008

Dear Mom,

I went back to school today! It went pretty well.

School wasn't that bad today, I was really glad to be back. At first, I was nervous, but it ended up okay.

All my teachers were understanding. My English teacher talked to me about it and she told me that I can talk to her about anything.

Gym class was the only class that irritated me all day. This bitch named Amanda started running her mouth about the rape. I really wanted to fight her, but Selena wouldn't let me. I guess I'm grateful for Selena.

After school, I went to Joe's house for an hour. I told him all about school today and he helped Me calm all the way down about Amanda.

It feels nice that I'm actually getting my life back. The life I had before the rape, I mean.

I think Selena's my best friend. Don't tell anyone, but after Joe's house today, I went with her to steal a pregnancy test. She couldn't buy one, because the cashier in the drugstore knew her mom very well and she'd tell her. She's going to take the pregnancy test tomorrow morning when she wakes up. I held her while she cried about the possibility of being pregnant. Nick swore to her that he'd stick with her. I don't think I'd wipe Selena's tears if I didn't love her. I bonded with her on a much more personal level today.

I guess I don't have anything else to tell you about, except for the fact that Aunt Kathy is getting me a therapist. She doesn't like me cutting, even if I stopped doing it so much.

I'm actually really tired, so I'm going to go to sleep. I love you, mom. Sleep tight tonight. I'll sleep well.

Until next time,

Love always,

Demi.