"Can anybody tell me which climate is dominant in South Africa?" My geography teacher is so loud. I guess I should be used to the loudness by now. It's my last class period of the day, and I've been in school for six hours already.
It's funny how I can't wait to go home most of the time, but when I'm actually home, I'm so lonesome that I wish I was at school.
"Most of South Africa has a Mediterranean climate, okay?" She claps her hands together, excited for what reason, I don't know.
"Since we have an Inservice Day and I won't get a chance to see you tomorrow, I have a very easy, very simple group activity planned for today." She goes over to the cupboard and pulls out four slices of big poster paper. "In groups of two, you will draw and color a map of Africa, labeling the Mediterranean climate zones."
I tap my fingers on the desk and wait for my group assignment.
"I want... Nick and Jason to work together... Alex and Gabby to work together... Jacob and Riley to work together... Selena and..."
I put my head down. I don't want to work with Selena. I don't want her to make fun of me again or anything. I'm still mortified over what happened at the mall yesterday.
"Demi. You and Selena work together." She hands us our own sheet of paper.
Great. I sigh and take my books off the desk next to me. Slowly, Selena walks over and sits by me at the desk.
I grab a pencil from my bag and open my book up to a map of Africa. Selena grabs a pack of colored pencils from her bag.
I start sketching a map of Africa. Just outline it, but I fill it with the names of the countries and the deserts. I don't bother drawing the rivers. I find that in this class, you can get bonus if you do a nice job.
Selena starts to outline the map in black.
I keep labeling the 30 countries that are in Africa. I label the Kalahari desert and the Sahara.
"...What's been up?" She keeps outlining our map, but her words come out quietly.
Is she talking to me? Really?
I finish labeling the countries and start coloring them in.
"...N...nothing." In speaking like I'm scared though I'm not what I'm scared for.
"I... Um... I miss you. I've been missing you..."
"What?"
"I said I miss you, Demi."
"...Why have you been acting this way then?" I realize that I'm a little bit angry.
"...It's a long story..." She whispers.
"I don't want to talk to you if you're just gonna be mean to me again." Two tears fall from my eyes. They're soft tears, tickling my cheeks as they roll down.
"I'm sorry, Demi. I'm really sorry. I know I've been...been rude to you. And I feel so bad... I really do. But Demi... I..."
"You have... NO idea what you... Nick... And Joe have done to me." I say with tears rolling down my cheeks. I say that with my heavily cut stomach in mind.
"I'm sorry... I don't know if they're sorry... But I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...I made a mistake..."
"Selena, I cry myself to sleep every single night." The tears just won't stop. "You guys won't talk to me. Won't sit with me. You laughed at me..."
"I'm sorry. I know I can't make it up. I know I can't... Make you feel better. But Demi, I'm sorry."
"I don't even know what I did. Joe won't talk to me. Nobody talks to me. I don't know anybody else here and I'm lonely. I've spent the last two weekends with my aunt... And my dog."
I watch as her bottom lip trembles. She's about to cry too.
"On Saturday, It'll be a week since you've said anything to me." I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie. "And I still don't know what I've done."
"You didn't do anything, Demi. You don't do anything... It's all my fault. That Joe broke up with you... That nobody will talk I you... It's all my fault..." She wipes her tears. "I'm sorry..."
"What did you do?" I'm getting angrier by the second. I'm getting so angry. I'm more hurt than angry, though.
"...I... I told." She looks away from me.
"You told?!"
"I told... But Demi, I had to..." Her jaw trembles. "I had to..."
"No you didn't! You said you wouldn't tell!"
"No, Demi... I..." She sniffs.
Suddenly, the bell rings. It rings real abruptly very loud.
I pack up all my stuff. I can't believe she told...
I put all my things on my shoulder and storm out of the classroom. I can't BELIEVE she told.
"Demi! Wait!" She runs to catch up with me. The only reason I slow down some I because I know that she's pregnant.
She's out of breath when she finally catches up to me. "Demi..."
"What!?"
"I know you're angry. I know you're very angry, and you have a right to be. I'm angry with myself..."
"I'm very angry, but I'm hurt. I'm very hurt."
"I know... Um... Hey..." She stands in front of me while I'm trying to walk to my Aunt Kathy's car.
"What?"
"Um... Do you want to come over? Tonight? You can stay the night... We just have a lot to talk about..., and I want my best friend back... That's all I want..."
"...No." I shake my head. I don't want to stay over her house. I want to be mad at her.
"No?" She's crying, holding her books over her clearly growing stomach.
"I don't want to stay over your house..."
"...Please? I just want to talk. And reconnect... I'm sorry, Demi."
"..."
"Please. I ruined everything between us. At least give me a chance to make it right again..."
"...Fine. What time?"
"Come over at 5..."
"...Alright."
"See you then. Thank you..."
"Whatever." I walk off to the car and climb in. I'm silent the whole ride home.
October 21, 2008
Dear Mom,
Selena finally talked to me again today. She did a whole lot of apologizing, but I'm still not forgiving.
I'm not angry with her. I'm not angry at all. I'm just hurt. I'm very hurt.
She finally admitted to me that she told our biggest secret. I'm most hurt about that. I can't believe she told...
Deep down inside, I'm really glad that she apologized to me. I'm glad that she realized she was the one that needed to apologize. She even let me know that it was all her fault.
Anyway, she invited me to stay the night over her house tonight. I'm leaving in ten minutes. The only reason I'm going is because I want to know why she told. Other than that, I have no reason to go.
I can't find it in my heart to hate Selena, though. I don't hate any of my friends. I just don't think I'll ever be able to trust them again.
I'll let you know how it goes over Selena's tonight. I'm not excited to go.
Anyway,
Until next time,
Love always,
Demi.
I already took a shower today. I had to, because I can't risk taking one over Selena's and having her see my cuts. I guess I should probably go downstairs now. Uncle Jason is probably ready to take me.
I pull on a pair of soft, thick Spongebob pajama pants. I have on a soft green t-shirt and my favorite pair of slippers.
"Demi, come on!"
"I'm coming!" I rush downstairs. I'm still not excited to go over Selena's.
I meet my uncle out at the car.
"You look comfortable." He comments, pulling out of the driveway as soon as I shut the door.
"I'm staying over my friend's..." I roll down my window.
"I know. And you look comfy." My uncle drives so fast that I'm literally almost at Selena's already. In surprised he hasn't gotten a speeding ticket.
"Don't be surprised if I call you to come get me early."
"I'll come her you, kid. Just call me when you're ready." Already, he slows to a stop.
"I will. Trust me, I will." I get out of the car. With an attitude, I walk up to Selena's front door and ring the doorbell.
I really don't want to be here. I want my time to be angry. But at the same time, I'm so glad that I have at least one friend back.
Miss Mandy answers the door. "Hey, Demi." She smiles so big when she sees me. It makes me feel special.
"Hi Miss Mandy."
She opens the door and lets me in. "Selena's right in her room."
"Thanks..." I kick off my slippers and go up the stairs and down the hall to Selena's room. I actually knock.
"Come in..." Selena's pipsqueak voice calls. It sounds like she's busy.
I turn the knob and step in. I sit right on her bed. This brings back memories of the night we kissed for the first time.
"Hi Demi..." She's sitting on her floor, rubbing her stomach. It's definitely bigger.
"Hi." I act uninterested.
"Are you hungry? My mom ordered Chinese food..."
"Not right now."
"Ummm... I guess I won't keep you waiting." She stands up and sits across from me on her bed.
I don't say anything to her.
"Well... First of all... Let me start by...telling you that I went to the doctors for the baby. And... I'm almost three months. And the baby is doing okay..."
"Well that's nice." I say, bitterly. I really am glad that the baby's okay though.
"Um... And I guess you're wondering why I told..."
"Yeah..."
"Um... I went to the doctors... And... It was just me and Nick. I didn't want my mom to come in the room." She starts explaining.
I just listen. "And the doctor asked me when the last time I had sex was. And like an idiot, I was like 'I had sex Friday night!' And it just... Slipped. At first, Nick acted cool with it. He didn't make a big deal. But then the doctor left..." She's about to cry.
I really don't want her to cry. I don't want to see her cry.
She wipes her tears away cooly. "And Nick was like 'we didn't have sex on Friday, Selena.' And I really tried to lie about it. I tried to act like I made a mistake, but he wasn't buying it. And he threatened to leave me and the baby, because by that time, he was making it seem like the baby wasn't his."
I just nod.
"He kept saying that the baby wasn't his and that we was leaving me. So I just... Said it. I told him that the baby had to be his, because the other person I had sex with was a girl. And he just assumed it was you..."
I guess I can't be too mad at her. It really was a misunderstanding.
"And Nick started crying and stuff and he got real mad. Real mad at you. And he told me he didn't want us to be friends anymore if we were gonna be sexual. And I told him that me and you were going to be friends no matter what he wanted. And he said it either him or you." She sniffs. "At the time, I was so scared of raising a baby alone, Demi. So I chose him. Which is why I stopped talking to you."
I nod. I'm surprised I'm not crying. "...What about Joe?"
"He doesn't know about us." She shakes her head.
"Then why did he dump me?!"
"Because Nick told him you cheated. He just told him that you cheated, but he didn't say it was with me. He just said you cheated."
"Well why wouldn't he ask ME?"
"I don't know. But Demi, I'm sorry, first of all. And second of all, I'm really trying to get Joe to talk to you. But it's hard to get him to realize you're innocent without telling him that you cheated with me."
"Does he not want to talk to me?"
"No, he does. He really does. He cried to me last night about you..."
"What about the blonde girl..."
"That's Kelsey... His ex. Nick invited her to get his mind off you. But Demi, the whole time he was real mean to her. Like he hated her or something."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. I invited him and Nick over tonight. Mainly for you and Joe to talk things out and hopefully get back together..."
"Is he coming?" That might have just made my day.
"Yeah, they're coming. At ten."
"Okay..." I crack a soft smile.
"Really. Demi, I'm so sorry for telling. I really am. And I'm so sorry for taking so long to... Fix it between us. But I really want you to just... Forgive me."
"...I forgive you. But I can't forget..."
"I wouldn't expect you to forget..."
I nod once.
"And Demi, I'm sorry again. For everything... For kissing... For... Doing it..."
"I'm sorry too..."
"I... I do have feelings for you. But I'm gonna stop. It was just a phase..."
"I think it was a phase too... And I have feelings for you, but they're nothing like the ones I have for Joe..."
"I'm glad we're on the same page..."
"Yeah..."
"I really missed you, Demi. I missed my best friend..."
"I missed you too."
She gives me a hug.
And you know what's good about this hug?
It's friendly. It's nice. And it's innocent.
I don't feel the need to kiss her, and I don't feel the want to touch her.
It's a friendly... Friendly hug.
I just hope my friendly feelings stay.