"Joe really took you to Disney World? Really?" Selena stirs her ice cream and crosses her legs on my couch. I love it when the both of us hang out, just us.

"Yeah. I was so surprised. It had to have been super expensive." I spoon some ice cream into my mouth.

"See, I wish Nick would do something like that for me. I know he loves me and all, but he always had a real messed up way of showing it."

"So you mean he never took you anywhere?" I cross my legs too. "Never been on dates?"

"Oh, no. He's taken me on dates. But always to like...fancy restaurants. Never to a place like Disney." She puts her carton down.

"Oh..." I finish off my ice cream too and put my carton on the table.

"You know, I'm pregnant with his baby, and he doesn't even ask me to come over or anything anymore. He always rubs my stomach and stuff and tells me he loves me, but I don't really see it anymore." She sighs.

I put my hand on her back. "It's okay, Selena."

"You know... I'm really happy for you, Demi. That you have Joe. You deserve him."

"Thanks. You know... It feels weird. Because I don't feel like I did anything to deserve the way he treats me..."

"That's how love is supposed to feel." She chuckles. "Just don't let it wear off. Like me and Nick's did."

I sigh. "Yeah, I'll really try." I glance over at my cable box to check the time. "Oooh." I hop up from the couch.

"What?" Selena stands up too.

"It's almost 3:00. I have to leave in a minute." I clean up our cartons.

"Oh, that is right. Are you excited to go?" She helps me clean up.

"More like nervous..." I admit.

"I'd be nervous too." She puts both our spoons in the sink. "I'm gonna go now. It's a long walk home..."

"Do you want a ride?" I ask her.

"No. I like to walk. It clears my mind." She runs her fingers through her hair.

"Alright."

"Let me know how it goes." She grabs the doorknob and opens the door.

"I will."

"See you, Demi."

"Bye Lena."

She leaves the house and I shut the door behind her.

"Aunt Kathy, I'm ready!" I scream up the steps.

She insists that I do this, so I have no choice.

Hopefully it helps.

November 4, 2008

Dear Mom,

Things are still pretty good. Me and Joe's relationship is turning out well, and I really feel like it's different between us.

By different, I mean it doesn't seem like we're still in the first stage of a relationship. It's all different now, because we feel differently about each other.

I know that I'm only sixteen, but I really feel like he has potential to be the one. I have never had anybody that cares about me so deeply. Joe reminds me every single day how much he cares.

Our relationship is more than just kissing and sex. Though we do have sex quite often, it always means something. Every time we do it, he kisses me for a half hour straight after we're done and he tells me he loves me.

I know this sounds silly, but he makes me feel so important when we have sex. He never, EVER does his business before I do mine. He likes to make sure I enjoy myself before he does. I really love him.

So, earlier today, I went to the Behavioral Health Center. I didn't get to talk to a therapist just yet. I had to answer a bunch of questions so they could assess my problems. They told Aunt Kathy that I should start my therapy sessions in about a week.

The lady that did my questions was really nice. She asked me about my past, if I've ever cut, why I cut, and things like that.

I really wish that I didn't have to go talk to a stranger about my problems. But it's what Aunt Kathy wants.

Also, Dallas called me today and she gave me some pretty sad news. She was supposed to fly in to Florida for Thanksgiving to spend it with us, but since she dropped the classes on Tuesdays, she can't now. She has to make up some of her Tuesday classes over the break.

I'm sad that it's only going to be me, Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason for Thanksgiving, but at least I'll have some place to eat.

Dallas promised me that she'd be here for Christmas though. Aunt Kathy already agreed to let her stay here over her Christmas break.

I don't know why Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason spoil me rotten. They get me everything I could ever want. I even got a HALLOWEEN present, mom.

When I came back from the Behavior Center, Uncle Jason told me to go outside in the backyard. At first, all I noticed was the construction work around the pool. They're opening their pool back up. I thought that was my present. But I was wrong.

Off in the corner of the yard, there was a little yellow Volkswagen Beetle. It's tiny, but it's perfect for me. The top even goes down. Isn't that just crazy? They got me a CAR for HALLOWEEN.

I can't drive it yet, because I only have my permit and not my license. Uncle Jason is getting a new motor put in it too. So I have to wait to drive it.

I haven't told any of my friends about the car, because they already think I'm spoiled. I am spoiled, but I don't ask for it. I'm spoiled rotten, and that's terrible.

You know what else is horrible?

Selena is giving me really bad baby fever. She told me that her and Nick's relationship is a lot different now that she's pregnant, but she also said that they're connected in a deeper way now.

I want a baby with Joe. A little girl, to be exact. It will probably never happen anytime soon, but it's what I want.

I want to feel that connection with Joe, and the only way we'd feel it is if I had his baby.

There are two reasons why it wouldn't happen though.

One reason is that no matter how hard I try... I can stop taking my birth control, have sex without a condom, whatever. I can do all of that to try and get pregnant, but Joe would NEVER get me pregnant.

Reason two is that I'm not that stupid. It would be nice to have a baby with him, and I do want a baby with him, but there's no way in hell that I would seriously go through with it.

It's nice to know what I want out of life though. I want to have a daughter with Joe someday, and he wants a son. It's safe to say that if it ever happens, we'll be having two babies. A boy and a girl.

Speaking of babies...

You know about Dallas's baby now, right? I was never supposed to tell you about the baby, but you know now because you're both in heaven. Was her baby a boy or a girl? I wish you could tell me.

You don't have to worry about me though, mom.

I won't get pregnant. I promise you that.

Until Next Time,

Love Always,

Demi.

When I finish writing my letter, my phone rings. Joe usually always calls me around this time on school nights, so I'm assuming it's him.

I push my chair in and grab my phone. I was wrong. It's not Joe. It's Selena. I answer it.

I clear my throat. "Hello?"

"Hey Dems... Just callin to let you know that I won't be in school tomorrow..." She sounds like she's sad.

"...You won't? Why not?"

"Because I have to go to the doctor's..."

"Why do you sound so sad?"

"I don't want you to worry. It's nothing, Dems."

"...You can tell me."

"It's really nothing."

"It has to be something. You wouldn't sound so sad for no reason..."

"I'm just having stomach pains... My mom seems to think its the start of a miscarriage, but we don't know yet..."

"...So where are you?" She's right. I am very worried.

"I'm at the hospital right now. They stopped the stomach pains and stuff. The baby's okay, but under some stress."

"Why wouldn't you tell me this earlier?!"

"Because I still want you to go to school. And I don't want you to worry about me."

"Well now I really am worried!"

"Don't worry. Everything's going to be fine with the baby. Nick's here with me, so I'm fine too."

"...Okay. Call me as soon as anything else happens, alright? You have my god daughter with you. I want her to be okay."

"She'll be okay. I'm on this medicine to help her calm down. They said I should be out by tomorrow afternoon. They said it could still be the signs that I'm gonna miscarry, but they'll be monitoring it real good so that I don't."

"Okay... Tell Luna I said I love her."

"She said she loves you too, Auntie Demi."

I smile. "I love you too, Lena. Stay safe for me."

"I will. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. Love you too, Dems."

"Okay... See you."

"Bye."

She hangs up.

I really, really hope Selena and Luna are okay. I guess she did good with not telling me earlier, because I would definitely be at that hospital right now.

But she said she's okay, so I'll really try to calm down.

I'll leave it in the hospital's hands.