"I really, really like that color on you." Aunt Kathy tells me for the millionth time since we got out of the saloon. I don't even say thank you this time. I'm tired of telling her thanks.

"Do you need help with dinner?" I ask instead of saying thanks.

"No, I don't need help. But it's gonna be a late one. You should go take a bath and get in your pajamas." She runs her fingers through my hair.

I sit down to drink a can of Pepsi before I head upstairs. She keeps playing with my hair. "Why do you keep playing with my hair?"

"I love your hair, Demi. It's gorgeous. I can't help it." She parts it into three sections. "Can I put a braid in it?"

"Yeah... I don't care." I sip my Pepsi.

She starts weaving a French braid into my hair like my mom used to. "Is this how your mom used to do it?"

I nod. I really miss my mom all of a sudden.

"You know, Demi..." She puts a hair tie on the end of my braid. "It wouldn't hurt to have some of your mother's touch around here. I've been thinking about her a lot lately..."

"Yeah? Me too." I look down and tap my fingers. I feel the tears coming.

"You know how she used to make vegetable pizza for dinner? And her famous banana bread?"

I smile slightly as a tear trickles down my cheek. I nod. "And she never put walnuts in my half of the loaf... Because she knew I hate nuts."

"That's right." Aunt Kathy smiles and nods too. "It's alright to smile and remember her sometimes, Demi."

"...No it's not." I shake my head. I sweep away my tears. "It's not okay."

"Demi, yes it is... It's okay. She'd want you to remember her..." She wipes my tears with her thumbs and holds me.

I sniff. "Fine... I guess..."

"It's alright, Demi." She rubs my arm. "Why don't you go on and take a shower?"

I get off the stool and head upstairs. I haven't thought about my mom in a long time. Funny how something can make me so sad within a matter of a couple seconds.

"Oh, Demi?" Aunt Kathy calls me again.

I stop in my tracks and look back at her. "Hmm?"

"If you want some... I planned on making your mom's banana bread tomorrow. Would you like that?"

"...Yeah." Quietly, I turn and walk back towards the steps.

I open up the door to my room and find Jorge laying at the foot of my bed. He's asleep. I just let him go.

I sit down at my desk and open up the bottom drawer. I grab a single piece of white lined paper, and I grab my mechanical pencil.

I start to write:

November 7, 2008

Dear Mom,

I guess today was okay. Selena wasn't in school again, so I ate lunch with Carrison. He told me that his wife really wants to meet me, which I find nice. I wish Carrison wasn't my math teacher. I wish math was my best subject. I guess I just have to suck it up anyway.

After school today, Aunt Kathy made me go get a haircut. I figured it was time for a change, so I got it dyed too. It's black now. I'm not too sure if I like it yet.

I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me if you like it or not. I think I like it. It's a little darker than I'm used to.

Dallas called me today. She wanted to see how I was doing. I told her I was doing okay, and that Aunt Kathy got me a therapist. She started crying when I told her that. I don't know why, but she seemed really sad.

She also said that she was gonna send me something else in the mail later on this week. She won't tell me what it is.

Again, I'm getting the feeling that something bad is gonna happen. It's starting to scare me, because I'm usually right when I get these feelings. The last time I got this feeling, I got raped. The feeling isn't exactly as bad as it was the time I got raped, but it's still there. There enough that I notice.

In other news, Aunt Kathy is going to make your banana bread tomorrow. She said we could use your touch around here, and maybe she's right.

I just hope she gets the recipe right.

Until next time,

Love always,

Demi.

I get up from my desk and go immediately to my bathroom. I need to take a shower.

I start my water and undress while it runs. I take off my shirt and stare at myself in the body mirror. The cuts on my stomach are mere scabs now. They're pretty hard to notice. I take off my bra and my shorts too. And finally, I take off my underwear. I double-check my underwear to be sure. They're clean. My period is definitely gone.

I roll my clothes up and stick them in my hamper. I step into the shower. My hair is in a bun at the top of my head, because I don't want the color to run out of my hair.

I hurry and wash up, because I don't want my dinner to get cold downstairs.

I wash myself throughly and get out. I look at myself in my mirror. I actually do look nice with black hair. It's a nice change for me, but it's not too dramatic.

"DEMI! COME DOWNSTAIRS!" My aunt hollers up the steps.

"I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN!" I yell back and go into my room to dry off and get dressed.

I towel-dry my body and pull on a fresh pair of underwear and a new bra.

"YOU HAVE COMPANY, HURRY UP!" She continues to yell at me.

I have company? Since when?

I throw on a t-shirt from my old school and a pair of black shorts. Nobody told me that they were coming to visit...

I grab my cell phone and run down the steps. I'm not at all surprised at who's here to visit me.

Sitting on my couch is Joe, right next to him is Selena, and Nick is beside her. Why'd they come visit me?

"...Hey guys..." I say, a little out of breath. They're taking up all the room on the couch, I have no where to sit.

"Hey Dems." Nick says with a slight wave.

"...Your hair!" Selena squeals and Joe looks up immediately from his phone.

"What did you do?" Selena stands up and starts combing her fingers through my hair. "It's so dark... Oh my god, I love it..."

"I got it cut and stuff..." I sit down on Joe's lap. "I don't know if I like it... I think it's too dark... I'm still debating."

"I love it. It's so pretty." She keeps on playing with it.

"It looks real pretty, babe." Joe holds my hand and bounces his knee. "I love it..."

"Thanks..." I look down and tuck my hair behind my ear. "So are you guys staying for dinner?"

"No, me and Nick aren't. We have to go to bed early, because I have an appointment early tomorrow morning..."

"Oh. Well you can always come over tomorrow or something." I suggest. I just miss spending a lot of time with Selena.

"Yeah, I will. We can like... Chill and stuff..." She nods. "I'm just real busy with baby stuff, you know?"

"Yeah. Just come over tomorrow, since it's the weekend. We can order movies..."

"Sounds good." She stands up. "I have something to tell you too..."

"Oh? Okay..." I stand up. "Come on, let's go outside..."

"Alright, come on Nick... We gotta get ready to go..." Selena says. She seems a little standoffish towards me.

"I'll be right back, babe." I tell Joe. I follow Selena outside onto my porch and Nick comes with us.

"So... What do you have to tell me?"

"I... I won't be back in school anymore. I... Transferred to an alternative school. It's basically like homeschool, but I have to go to this building once a week to learn how to take care of a baby..."

"...Oh." I feel like I've just been punched in my gut. I'm hurt. In the most literal sense, I'm hurt. Now what am I gonna do in school?

"And Nick's transferring with me..." She adds insult to injury.

"...That's... Nice."

"Yeah. I just wanted to tell you, because... I know you don't really sit with anyone else..." She seems really sorry, but I can tell that her mind is made up.

"Yeah..."

"...We'll talk more tomorrow. I promise I'll come over and we can just hang out."

"Okay."

She leans in and hugs me tight. "See you tomorrow... Love you."

"Love you too." I mumble and hug her back. This blows. Now what am I supposed to do?

"Alright. Come on, Nick. We gotta go." She lets me go.

I don't want to seem rude, but I really have to go before I start crying. So I grab the handle of my front door and walk back inside. The only thing that's willing me not to cry is the fact that Joe is here.

"They tell you about school?" Joe asks immediately. He reads me like a book. I really tried to hide it, but I just couldn't.

"Mhm..."

He hugs me tight and pushes me against the wall in the hallway. "It's gonna be alright, baby." He kisses me on my nose.

"I know... It's just... They're my friends... You know?"

"I know, baby." He holds my hands and kisses my cheek again.

I sigh and look down. I just don't know what I'm going to do.

"...I bought something to cheer you up..."

"You did?" I look up at him.

"Mhm..." He reaches in his pocket and grabs something. He dangles a shiny foil packet in front of my face.

I smile a little, slightly and softly. "When are we gonna use that?"

"Whenever you want to." He kisses my cheek again. "It'll make you feel better."

"...My uncle's not home... So maybe we can sneak it in after dinner, while my aunt is cleaning up the kitchen."

"If not, I can always come back later. It's Friday, you don't have school tomorrow."

"...That could work." I kiss him again. "I love you."

"I love you too baby."

"...I just feel like you're the only one that cares anymore." I lie on his chest and hug him tighter.

"I'll always care about you. Always." He rubs my lower back and kisses my forehead. "Don't worry..."

I sigh. "Love you..."

"Love you too." He strokes my cheek.

"Demi, it's dinner time! Come eat! Bring Joe..." Aunt Kathy interrupts our moment.

I guess I'll be okay.

I still don't know what in going to do just yet.