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Chapter 17:

Deb paused for a moment and scribbled something onto her notepad before looking up at Aria again. "Where did you go?"

Aria shrugged.

"Why did you leave?"

Aria didn't respond.

"What was going through your head at the time?" Deb asked, calmly.

Aria continued her silence as she fiddled with the zipper on her jacket.

"Aria?"

"Can I leave?" Aria asked.

Deb shook her head. "Your appointment doesn't end for another 35 minutes."

Aria sighed and slumped in her seat.

"Aria, we were doing so well before. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong." Deb reasoned.

"No" she whispered, seeing Spencer's long brown hair matted down with the blood that pooled around her head. "Spencer"

Aria woke up, her face wet with tears and, without really knowing what she was doing, she got up, grabbed her keys, and left the apartment. As she stepped into the elevator, she closed her eyes and tried to take deep breaths to calm herself but it wasn't helping. She got out of the elevator and sat down in her car, pushed the key into the ignition and began driving with no destination in mind.

"Aria, are you alright?" Deb asked, concerned.

Aria stared blankly at Deb, not seeing the young woman as her memory took over again.

Aria could feel a panic attack coming. She continued to take deep breaths breath but she was starting to hyperventilate and she pulled over and slumped against her seat, pushing her knees against her chest and wrapping her arms tightly around them as she struggled for breath before everything went black.

"Aria?" Deb said, snapping her fingers in front of the brunette's face.

Aria snapped back to reality, blinking at Deb. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You just sort of spaced out." Deb explained.

"Sorry." Aria said, looking down at her hands.

"So can you tell me what you were just thinking about?" Deb asked.

Aria sighed. "I don't want to talk about it." she said quietly.

Deb was quiet for a moment before she looked up at Aria, staring into her hazel eyes. "Do you trust me?"

When Aria woke up, she was cradled against a strong chest as a hand stroked her hair, a familliar scent emanating from the body that held her. She could hear a voice whispering soothing words into her hair.

"How did you know where to find me?" she asked, looking up into the blue eyes that showed nothing but love when looking at her.

"I just knew." Ezra replied. "I'll always find you when you need me."

Aria smiled up at him and then snuggled deeper into his chest, his arms tightening around her small frame.

"Want to talk about it?" Ezra asked, referring to the reason she was here.

Aria shook her head. "Not yet."

Ezra nodded and silently held her, knowing that was what she needed most at that moment. Aria buried her face in Ezra's shirt and they stayed like that for what may have been hours, but was probably only ten minutes before Aria lifted her head."Ezra?"

"Hm?"

"I did something bad." Aria confessed.

Ezra looked down at her, worried. "What do you mean?"

"You have to promise not to tell anyone, not Deb, not my friends or my parents, nobody."

Ezra nodded. "Okay. What's wrong sweetheart?"

Aria took a deep breath before she sat up, still in Ezra's lap and pushed her sleeve back to show the fresh red marks that she had made just an hour before. Ezra's eyes widened as he ran his hand gently over the cuts and then looked up at Aria. "Why did you do that?" he asked, not angrily, but concerned and worried.

Aria felt tears spill down her cheeks. "I had a dream...about Spencer. And I knew I shouldn't be doing this but I was numb and I needed to feel something, anything. Pain is the only thing that I could feel."

Ezra didn't say a word, just pulled her body against his and hugged her. Aria hugged him back, burying her head in his shoulder, crying.

"Please don't hurt yourself. Just call me next time, okay? I promise I'll drop everything and be there right away. But please, don't harm yourself. I don't know what I would do if I lost you." Ezra said, and Aria could feel his body shaking as he began to cry too. She hugged him tighter, her hand stroking his hair as she closed her eyes. The car was silent except for their crying and, as they both sobbed, holding each other, they felt a burden being released from their shoulders and they let their emotions out, showing the vulnerability that lay behind the illusion of strength.

"I don't know." Aria said, addressing Deb's question. "I mean, I trust that you're not going to hurt me or anything and I think you're really nice, but I can't say that I trust you with everything."

Deb nodded. "Okay, that's fair. How about this, do you feel like you can talk to me?"

Aria hesitated before nodding. "Yes, I think so."

Deb nodded again. "Then please answer this one question for me. Why did you harm yourself?"

"It's personal." Aria said.

"Okay, but here's the thing. After the doctor saw your cuts, he recommended that I send you to a mental facility. Have you heard of Radley?"

Aria nodded, a feeling of dread running through her body.

"They want me to send you there because they don't think you're making progress."

"But this was the first time in weeks, and I've already found a way to prevent it from happening again." Aria protested.

"What method is that?" Deb asked curiously.

"I'm going to call my boyfriend if I ever feel the way I did when I did this." Aria said, gesturing to her arm.

"And what if he doesn't pick up the phone?"

"He will." Aria said firmly.

"But what if he doesn't?" Deb asked.

"Then I'll call Hanna or Emily." Aria said. "Look, I have people that care about me and I know that I can get through this with their support. Just give me some time and I'll prove to you, and everyone else that I can get better." Aria said, determined.

Deb hesitated for a few minutes, pondering Aria's request. "Okay, fine. If you go two months without doing anything to yourself, then you can stay out of Radley. But, if I see any marks, and we're going to be checking your whole body, then you're going straight to Radley, no complaints. Okay?"

Aria nodded. "Deal."

"Okay, well your time is up for today, I'll see you on Wednesday." Deb said and Aria got up, heading for the door.

"Deb?" she said, lingering in the doorway.

The woman looked up from her notes. "Yes Aria?"

"Thank you." Aria said, smiling as she let herself out.

Okay, hope you enjoyed this chapter. I tried to do something new by adding the flashbacks in between the chapter, so I hope you liked the change. Don't forget to review, and I'll try to update soon but I have exams next week so it may take some time.

-xo Sobia