Joe said he'd be back over later to cheer me up. He didn't give me a specific time, so I have to stay up and wait for him.
It's already 12:10 at night. Luckily, I'm not tired or anything, so waiting for him isn't a big deal. We couldn't do anything earlier, because my uncle came home while we were eating dinner. It would've been easier to do something when only my aunt was in the house.
So, to pass the time until Joe comes back, I draw a picture in my sketchbook. It's a picture of my favorite tree. I think it's called a weeping willow.
I glance over and look at the present that Joe gave me earlier. It's sitting on my dresser in a small, shiny, silver and purple package. I smirk just thinking about it. It's been so long since I've had sex.
I add a couple more leaves onto my willow tree and draw some water near the bottom of it. I don't mean to brag, but the more I draw, the more I amaze myself at how good I am at it.
My phone buzzes next to me. I reach over and grab it. It's a text message. I open it up and read it.
Joe: I'm outside come let me in.
I get up from my bed and quietly put all my things away. I would stay in my room, but that would run the risk of my aunt and uncle hearing us. I grab the condom off my dresser and open my bedroom door. Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason are already asleep. If I wake them while sneaking Joe in the house, it'll be all bad.
I tiptoe downstairs and open the front door for him. He's dressed in plaid pajama pants and a white t-shirt. "Hey baby..." He hugs me immediately.
I hug him back. "We have to be quiet..."
"Are we gonna go up to your room?" He shuts the door behind himself and keeps holding me.
"No... We have to stay down here..."
"But Demi, you know how easy that is for them to catch us down here?"
"But they'll hear us in my room..."
"I'll keep you quiet... I promise."
"...Okay."
We both disappear up into my room.
He sits next to me on my bed and flips through my sketchbook. "You're such an amazing little drawer, babe."
"Thank you..." I lean back against my headboard.
He leans in and kisses me. "I love you."
"Love you too." I sigh. "You're my best friend..."
"That's awesome babe, because you're my best friend too." He holds my hand and lays back with me. He rubs my back.
"...I wish you could come to school with me..."
"I would do high school all over again if I could make sure you didn't feel lonely. I really would, babe." He kisses my cheek. "I'm sorry you have to do through it..."
"...I just wanna know why they decided to transfer. Why are they leaving me?"
"Because it's better for them, babe. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it. It's seven hours a day that you have to be lonely. Then you can just be with me. Yeah?"
"...I guess. But it's gonna be so bad. People already don't like me..."
"Baby, you're beautiful, you're skinny, you're sexy and you have the most amazing personality. If I were a girl, I'd be jealous of you too."
"I just want people to like me though..."
"...How about this. I will pick you up from school everyday. And we will go out for ice cream and stuff right after school. Everyday. Would that make you feel better?"
"...Yes."
"I promise I won't let it be that bad."
"...Okay. I love you..."
"Everyday. I promise I won't break my promise." He kisses my hand.
"...Okay." I smile at him and kiss him.
"When do you want to do this?"
"...Later. My door is locked, so we can do it later... We have all night." I lay on his chest and look up at him.
"Okay baby girl." He strokes my back. "What do you want to talk about?"
"Um..." I clear my throat. "I know we're not getting married anytime soon... But... If we were... What would your vows sound like?"
"My vows?... What would yours?" He looks down at me too, stroking my hair.
"...I think they'd be something like..." I clear my throat again. "I love you more than words can express. And... Even though... We just met... I know that I love you. And you love me. And as crazy as it seems... I know you're what I want for the rest of my life. I have only seen myself with one other person, and even then love didn't seem so clear. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I'm only sixteen, but I can make decisions for myself. And I've made the decision to be with you."
"...That was perfect, baby." He kisses my lips. "Absolutely perfect."
I smile. "Thank you..." I kiss him one last time. "What would yours sound like?"
"It's hard to say right now. I'll try..." He holds my hand. "Demi... I love you. And I know I've been telling you that for the longest time, but I need you to know that I mean it. I mean it with every syllable I say. And you deserve to be happy. I will make you happy. For the rest of your life, I will make you happy. You'll never cry sad tears with me. I will be there for you no matter what. Forever isn't even long enough for me. I want to be with you until the end of time. I want to be there with you through everything. From your high school graduation to your art school graduation. From our baby's birth, to our baby's high school and college graduation. From the time you find out your dying, until your last breath. I... Will... Never... Leave you. Ever. When I say I love you... I mean it for life. For LIFE, babe. For life." He kisses my lips. "They'd be something like that."
I smile at him through some tears. "...That was perfect."
"I've been thinking about it for a little while now." He strokes my hands.
"You have?"
"Mhm. I already decided that I will marry you when you turn eighteen... If you're ready."
"Oh, I'll be ready." I lie on his chest and rub his abs.
"I'm glad to hear that."
November 8, 2008
Dear Mom,
I've been spending so much time with Joe. I've been spending too much time with Joe.
For the past two days, he's sat with all of us and eaten dinner with us. Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason really don't mind it. They like Joe.
Yesterday, he had dinner with us and we watched TV for a few hours before he went back home. He came back last night and we talked an had sex. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I really, really, REALLY love Joe.
Today, he ate dinner with us again and watched TV again. He helped Uncle Jason put the new motor in my car.
Aunt Kathy told me that she really likes Joe, and that he's a good kid. She said she hopes we don't break up or anything, and I hope we won't either.
Aunt Kathy also bought me two boxes of Trojan condoms. I didn't ask for her to buy me them, she just did. I asked her why she bought them, and she said she wants me to remain protected. Uncle Jason and her argued about giving them to me, but ultimately, Aunt Kathy won. She figures that she can't stop us from having sex, so she might as well make sure I'm protected.
I think Joe's been hanging around me so much because he's afraid for me. He admitted to me that he's scared that I'm going to do something to myself because Nick and Selena left me in school alone.
I can't lie and say that I haven't considered cutting again, and I'd be lying if I said that I haven't cut. I only cut once yesterday after Selena told me she was transferring. Joe found the lone cut on my stomach and kissed it before we started having sex last night.
I have to go to bed now, because tomorrow's a school day. The only thing I'm currently looking forward to is thanksgiving break.
Until next time,
Love always,
Demi.