"What can I get you?" The black haired lunch lady asks me as she grabs a plastic lunch tray.

"...Pasta." I nearly mumble. This school day without Nick and Selena is going poorly. I just wish I had someone to talk to.

The lunch lady scoops some spaghetti on my tray and gives me a handful of tater tots. I grab my tray and keep walking through the line. I grab a banana and an iced tea. I have to remember to tell Aunt Kathy that my lunch bill is due.

I walk over and sit in the same table that me, Nick and Selena used to sit in. I sit alone.

I grab a tater tot and put it in my mouth. Lunch is good today. I look around at all the other kids eating lunch with their friends. Essentially, I'm the only one that is eating alone. I should've brought my sketch pad.

While I'm staring down at my food, something hits me on my arm. I look up to see what it was. Beside me, there's a tater tot lying, half bitten.

How doesn't anyone see this? I don't understand it.

I look around to see who threw it. I don't see anyone that looks suspicious. I put my head back down and pick through my pasta.

Something else is thrown at me. It hits me right on my cheek. I don't even look up to see who threw it. It doesn't matter anymore. I sigh and rummage through my big bag and grab a book. I guess I'll just read or whatever.

I would give anything to not have to sit here with people that hate me.

I stand up, mainly because I'm sick of having shit thrown at me. I dump my tray in the garbage and gather my things. I'll go see what Carrison is doing.

I walk out the cafeteria and down the hall to his room. I peek in to see if he's there.

He's sitting at his desk eating lunch and grading papers. There's soft music playing from his computer.

I tap lightly on the door to get his attention. He looks up.

"Come on." He motions for me to come in and continues to grade papers.

I walk in and sit in the desk next to his desk. "Grading our tests?"

"Yeah, actually. You got a C."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Your grade's slipping a little. What's going on?" He offers me a breadstick from a Pizza Hut box.

I take one and bite it. "I don't know... Just a lot of... Shit going on..."

"I have a lot of shit going on too, Demi. I don't let my job be affected by it."

I shrug. "It's not just your class..."

"Your grades are slipping in every class?"

"Mhm..."

"I'll talk to a couple of your teachers about giving you extra help. Your grades are precious right now, girl. You're a very bright kid."

"I hear that every day. I dunno... I'll just... Try." I sigh. "It's kind of hard to concentrate in classes if the majority of the people hate you."

"Nobody hates you, Demi."

"Yeah they do. They really hate me. They give me looks and throw things at me..."

"You gotta learn to shrug it off. They're just jealous of you."

"Jealous of me? Why?"

"Well, let me guess. One of the ones who hate you is Amanda, right?"

"Right."

"Why WOULDN'T Amanda hate you? You're pretty. You're skinny. You get good grades. You have nice things... Why wouldn't she be jealous?"

"...I never thought of it that way..."

"You gotta start looking at reasons behind things. Everything has a reason, Demi. Everything." He hands me an Almond Joy.

I open it and take a bite. "...Okay." I swing my foot and actually listen to the music he has playing. "...You listen to Michael Buble?"

"My wife loves him. You a fan?"

"I love him. Me and my sister went to one of his concerts... He came with Nickelback and um... You know Shinedown?"

"Yeah, I know Shinedown."

"My mom hated them. She thought they were noisy, but I love them. Their songs are noisy, but the lyrics are just... Amazing. I wish I could write songs like that..."

"You write songs?"

"...Yeah, but they kind of... suck. And I can't sing."

"Can I hear one of the ones you wrote?" He starts cleaning up his lunch.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't sing. And they all suck. They're all depressing. About my mom and stuff..."

"I still would like to hear it... Something tells me the songs aren't that bad."

I sigh. "I'll sing you ONE. And just the chorus. As long as you promise not to laugh..."

"I won't laugh, Demi. You know I won't."

"Okay..." I take a deep breath. I'll sing him the first song I wrote, because it's the least embarrassing.

"...The bluest eyes in Texas are holding me tonight... Like the stars that fill the midnight sky, your memory fills my mind... When did I go wrong? Didn't wait too long... But can I make it all right?"

Carrison doesn't say anything. He just listens to me. The look on his face doesn't give anything away.

"...That's all." I wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans.

"...I actually think that was beautiful. The song and your voice. Are you a singer?"

"No. My mom was..."

"Did your mom have blue eyes?"

"Yeah... They were dark blue. But they were so pretty..." The corners of my eyes sting. "If you looked at them in the right light, they sparkled so bright... I thought they were the most beautiful things..." Two tears stream from my eyes. Two soft tears.

He hands me a tissue. "It's alright, Demi."

"Thank you." I dry my eyes.

"It'll be alright." He gives me a hug. It feels good to be hugged and comforted.

"Thank you, Mr. Carrison... Thank you." I sniff and let him go. The bell rings for me to go to class.

I'm just glad I have Carrison to save me. Even if it only is for 45 measly minutes.

November 9, 2008

Dear Mom,

Today was the first time in a long time that I cried about you. Carrison made me cry.

He asked me to sing a song I wrote about you and I did. He told me I could sing good, but I don't think I did that well. I still don't think I can sing.

School without Nick and Selena was pretty bad. People threw things at me during lunch time. I tried to not let it bother me, but in the end it did bother me.

I really miss you, mom.

Joe picked me up after school today. He said I looked bad. He told me to take a nap. So I went home and I took a nap. Joe worries about me. He worries about me a lot.

Maybe he should.

I'm not going to school tomorrow, because it's the first time I have to talk to the therapist. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. But mostly ready to get it over with.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Until next time,

Love always,

Demi.

November 10, 2008

Dear Mom,

The visit with the therapist went well. I'll be seeing her every Tuesday. Her name is Wendy. She's short, very round but she has longish hair and glasses. She's facially pretty.

I had to tell her about everything today. I told her about you. About Dallas. About Maddie. About daddy. I told her about the rape. I told her about Joe. About Nick and about Selena.

She didn't really give me advice today, because we spent the entire hour session getting to know each other. I think I really like her.

I just got back from the therapy office, and I decided to write to you while everything is fresh in my head.

I can't really write about it too much, because Joe's coming over in a minute. I told him I have the house to myself until 3.

Uncle Jason had to go to this conference to confirm his retirement, and Aunt Kathy went with him. She was going to take me in to school after the therapist appointment considering the fact that I was done by 10:00. But I begged her to let me stay home and she was fine with it.

I'm just glad that me and the therapist hit it off.

Until next time,

Love always,

Demi.

I leave my letter lying there and stand up to undress. I want to take a quick shower before Joe comes, because I'm not sure if we're going to have sex or not. We probably won't, but I'm not sure.

I take off my bra and my underwear and go to my bathroom. As soon as I'm butt naked, Jorge starts barking. Dammit, Joe got here fast.

I grab a towel and wrap it around my body. I rush downstairs to open the door for him. I open up the door and he's just standing there.

"...Sorry. You caught me at a bad time."

"Bad time? I think it's a good time." He smiles at me and comes in the house, closing the door behind him. "Give me a kiss." He wraps his arms around my waist.

I stand on my tip toes and give him a kiss on the lips. "Love you."

"Love you too, baby girl." He rubs my back. "You need to take a shower?"

"Yeah, I do. You can just sit here. I won't be long. I'll go in the downstairs bathroom."

"Do you... Mind if I join you?" He smirks and stares at my towel.

"...In the shower?"

"Yeah..."

"...No. I don't mind..." I smile too. I've never taken a shower with someone before.

I hold my towel up and go to the downstairs bathroom. He follows me. I start the shower water. I make sure it's really hot, but not too hot.

I grab two towels and two washrags from the cupboard. I grab a new bar of soap and drop my towel.

Joe's still undressing.

I step into the shower and let the water hit me. It's so hot that it's too steamy in the shower to see anything. The sliding glass shower door is all fogged up.

Joe opens the door and steps in with me. He hugs me from behind and kisses my cheek. "Why'd you make it so hot in here?"

"I don't know..." I shrug and hold his hands.

"How did the therapist visit go?" He starts rubbing his hands all over my body.

"It went well..." I scoot back so that our bodies are tight against each other. He keeps rubbing all over my sides and my stomach.

"I'm glad to hear that..." He kisses my cheek again and brings his left hand up to my boobs. His right hand is resting on my lower stomach.

I grab his hand off my boobs and bring it up to my lips so I can kiss it. "I love you..."

"I love you too..." He grabs me and picks me up. He turns me so that my back is against the shower wall. He starts kissing my neck.

I close my eyes and wrap my legs around his waist. I rub his head while he kisses me.

"I love you..." He whispers to me again, taking a break from kissing my neck.

"Mmm... I love you too..." He's distracting me with the kisses on my neck, but not distracting me enough to take the focus off what his hand is doing below.

"You love me too?" He whispers, still kissing my neck and fingering me.

"Mmm... Yes... So much..." I rub his head some more.

I do love Joe.

And I love the steamy shower sex, too.