November 20, 2008
Dear Mom,
I know it's been a while since I've written. To be honest, it kind of slipped my mind.
I don't know if I told you, but I'm not pregnant. Me and Joe have been extra careful lately, because that was honestly a close call.
I'm on thanksgiving break from school, and I can honestly say that I've never been happier. Thanksgiving isn't until the 24th, but we have two weeks off school. I don't go back until December 4th.
Since it's the first night of break, I'm supposed to go stay the night over Selena's tonight. I haven't called her yet, so I don't know if our plans still stand, but it's early.
I don't want to tell Aunt Kathy or Uncle Jason, because I don't know if it's a big deal yet, but I'm really getting bad again. I think I'm getting bad, because school is terrible.
Since Selena left, more and more people have started to hate me in school. Carrison was absent one day last week, so I had to eat lunch in the cafeteria. When I ate lunch, a girl dumped her milk on my tray. And in gym class, another girl kicked a soccer ball at my face and made my nose bleed.
I'm not sure if it's a big deal yet, so I won't tell anybody, but mom, why can't people just leave me alone? I'm not mean to anyone. Why do people feel the need to be mean to me?
You know what else I'm having a hard time with?
I think I'm attracted to girls. Lately, I've been thinking more and more about the night me and Selena actually had sex. I kind of miss it.
I'm so confused though, mom. My head is so mixed up. I... I don't know how to feel. I don't like girls, I don't think. And I don't think I would have sex with Selena again. But it's just weird to me to keep thinking about it.
Am I bisexual?
I just need someone to talk to about all this, because this therapist thing isn't really working.
As always...
Until next time,
Love always,
Demi.
I wonder what I'm gonna do today, besides stay over Selena's. I'm already bored, and I just woke up like an hour ago.
"Aunt Kathy..." I call her as I walk down the steps to go see her. She's in the living room lying on the couch.
"What, Demi?"
"Will you take me to the mall today? I have to get some more jeans..." I sit down on the couch next to her.
"I'll take you tomorrow morning, honey. I'm tired today... T.J. is kicking my butt today..."
"...Can I go? By myself?"
"You don't have a license. Tomorrow, Demi. I'll take you tomorrow."
"Ugh. Okay..." I get up from the couch and go to the love seat so I can lay out. I turn on Law & Order, and Aunt Kathy doesn't seem to mind.
Just as I settle in to potentially fall asleep, the telephone starts to ring. I'd feel bad if Aunt Kathy had to get up and grab it, so I get up and grab it.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is Demi there?" The person on the other end of the phone asks. It sounds like Joe, but then again, it doesn't sound like Joe. Who is this? I never get phone calls.
"Speaking..." I say.
"Hi, Demi. How is your break so far?"
"...It's... Good..." Who the hell... "Who is this?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's Mr. Carrison, Demi."
"Oh! ...Hi... Sorry, I didn't know who it was... My break's going good. Yours?"
"I'm glad to hear that. Mine is going okay... Are you busy?"
"No... I'm not..."
"Well, me and Em are out and about, and we're a little hungry... And we're just wondering if you want to go grab lunch with us."
"Oh... Oh... Um... Yeah." I find myself smiling. "Yeah, sure." I nod. "I have to ask my aunt... Hold on." I set the phone down on the table and walk to Aunt Kathy.
"Aunt Kathy?"
"Yes?"
"Can I go out to lunch?"
"With who?"
"My math teacher... And his wife..."
"The teacher that you eat with in school?"
"Yeah, him..."
"I don't mind... Keep your cell phone on though. Answer if I call you."
"Alright. Thanks..." I go back and grab the phone. "Mr. Carrison?"
"I'm here." He says.
"I'm allowed to go..."
"Alright. Can you be ready in about 15 minutes? We'll be over to grab you. You live on Seabreeze right?"
"812 Seabreeze..."
"Alright. We'll be by in 15 minutes."
"Okay..."
He hangs up the phone, and I hang up too. I go upstairs to get dressed. I've never met Carrison's wife, so I have to make an impression.
I grab a pair of light blue skinny jeans with rips on them. I pull them on up to my waist. I grab a bright pink shirt that has A&F written on it in lime green letters. And I grab the jacket I bought to match the shirt. The jacket is pink with green and white plaid stripes. I stuff my feet into my black converse and head to the bathroom.
I brush my teeth and soon after, I pop a piece of gum. I wash my face off real good, then put eyeliner on my bottom lids. My tan is fading from summer, and I'm starting to look like a ghost with my black hair. I need to find a tanning bed.
I don't bother to do anything special with my hair. I just let it dangle at my sides in it's obnoxiously long length.
I stuff my cell phone into my pocket and a $20 bill in my pocket too. I go downstairs to wait.
"I'm leaving, Aunt Kathy. I'll see you in a little while..."
"Alright. Have fun. I love you."
"Love you too." I go outside and sit on the swing that's on the porch. I just wanted to be outside in case Mr. Carrison can't see the 812 on the outside of the house.
I'm not outside for more than three minutes before a silver BMW convertible pulls up. Is that them? The horn beeps. It's them.
I walk off the porch and over to the car. It's only Carrison. I don't know why I'm so nervous. Maybe because I've never met Emily.
I open the car door and get in the back seat.
"Hi, Demi. How are you?" Carrison turns around to face me from the driver's seat.
I buckle my seatbelt. "I'm fine...you?"
"I'm just peachy." He chuckles. "Demi, this is Em. Em, this is the Demi I've been telling you about." He introduces us.
She looks back to face me too. She's breathtakingly gorgeous. I thought Joe's mom was the prettiest woman I've ever seen, but Emily for sure has Mrs. Jonas beat.
Emily has tan skin. Not tan enough to be anything other than white. It's a sunkissed golden brown. She's probably just heavily Italian. She has long dark brown hair that falls in curls and goldish-brown eyes. She's gorgeous.
"Nice to finally meet you, Demi. Danny's told me so much about you..."
Danny? Is that Carrison's real name? Haha.
"Nice to meet you too. He's told me a lot about you too..." I smile. I wish I was that pretty. She's freakin gorgeous.
Carrison starts driving. "You ever been to Cracker Barrel, Demi?"
"Yeah.. I used to go back in Texas with my dad..."
"That's Em's favorite place to eat." He keeps driving until he gets on the highway.
I look out the window. They're such a nice couple. I wonder why it's been so hard for them to have a baby...
"So, Danny told me that you're a pretty good singer..." Emily talks to me.
"He did?... Well... Carrison lied..." I blush. My cheeks turn pink.
"First of all, outside of school, you can call me Daniel, Demi. Or Danny." Carrison clears his throat. "And secondly, I did not lie. You are a good singer."
"I am not a good singer. Don't listen to him."
Emily laughs softly. "Will you sing for me? I'll tell you if you're a good singer or not..."
"...Sing what?"
"Whatever's on the radio, honey. Here, let me turn it on. I have a couple CDs if you're interested.."
"Got any Kelly Clarkson?" I lean up a little bit. I'm not so nervous anymore.
"I believe so. I have two of her CDs..." She hands me the CD book so I can look through it.
I start flipping through it.
"I'm only putting in a CD if you promise to let me hear you sing to it... Deal?" Emily says playfully.
"Sure. I promise.. I'll sing ONE song."
"Good enough."
I keep flipping through the CDs. She has Kelly Clarkson, P!nk, paramore, The Sound of Superman album..."Here, put this in. Track number seven." I hand her the Superman album. Dallas bought me this CD for my 15th birthday. She bought it because it had a lot of my favorite bands on it.
"You got it." Emily grabs the CD and sticks it in the CD player. She skips to track number seven. "Ooh, I do like this song."
"Me too... I like the original better. Not the cover, though." Carrison comments too.
I don't want to brag, but I can belt My Hero by Paramore pretty damn good.
I start to sing, quietly at first until I get comfortable. "Too alarming now to talk about... Take your pictures down and shake it out... Truth or consequence, say it aloud... Take that evidence, race it around..."
Both Daniel and Emily are quiet. I guess they're listening to me.
"There goes my heroooo... Watch him as he goooooes..." I wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans. "There goes my heroooooo... He's ordinaaaaary..." The guitar chords just play.
"...Should I continue, or am I bad?" I ask.
"Continue. Continue. I love it..." Emily nods kind of fast.
I take another deep breath and start the next verse.
"Don't the rest of them bleed it ouuuut? While the rest of them peter ouuuut..." I lick my lips. "Truth or consequence, say it alouuuud... Take that evidence, race it aroooound..."
I look down at my hands. It helps me focus and not get nervous. "There goes my herooooo... Watch him as he goes..." I lick my lips again. "There goes my heroooo... He's ordinaaaaary..."
I wipe my hands on my jeans. I'm a head case right now. "Kudos, my hero. Leaving all the beeeeeeest... You know my hero... The one that's onnnnnnnnnnnnnn..."
"There goes my herooooo... watch him as he goesssss... there goes my herooooo... he's orrrrrrrdinaaaary..." I finish up. It wasn't so bad. It was just really nerve wracking.
"You're a really, really beautiful singer, Demi. It's beautiful... You really should consider singing. I've never heard that from a little girl before. That was amazing... You have to sing for me again..." Emily gushes. It wasn't that good.
"Thank you..." I smile a little. Am I a good singer?
I always thought people were just being nice when they said that.
Do they really mean it?