Notes: For those of you observing that Luke is an idiot, yes, yes he is. And Lorelai is still pretending to be a mouse with no backbone. But that's all going to change soon. In fact, when you read this chapter you might need some earplugs, because there's going to be some yelling while these two attempt to find themselves again.
Luke was amazed when Lorelai's Jeep pulled up behind his truck at just a few minutes past 10:30.
"Wow," he said, rather impressed, as she exited the vehicle. "Right on time. For you, anyway."
She dipped her shoulder modestly. "Well, I wasn't sure what to bring, so I just threw some stuff in a bag. I figure I can always buy something there if I really need it. Any excuse to go shopping, you know?"
"Oh, I know," he said, rolling his eyes, but still he smiled as he teased her. He couldn't believe how good it felt to do that again.
"I thought we'd take the Jeep," he told her. "It's probably a little more comfortable. If that's OK with you."
"Sure," she shrugged. She watched Luke grab a duffle and a garment bag from his truck and bring them to the Jeep. Her eyes grew apprehensive at the sight of the garment bag. "I didn't really bring dress-up stuff."
"No big deal," he said lightly. "I just brought something in case you wanted to eat out somewhere nicer. You make everything you put on look dressy, anyway."
Lorelai flushed at the unexpected compliment. "Thanks, Luke."
He nodded, then stepped over and pulled shut the garage door, hiding his old pickup from view. "You ready?" he asked, brushing his hands against his jeans. "How're you doing?"he asked, trying to not study her too directly.
"I haven't had any more morning sickness," she told him, to his relief. "I'm just wiped out. Would you mind driving?"
Luke jumped at the chance. "Sure, that's fine," he agreed, and stepped around her to open the passenger side door. He took the opportunity to look at her closely as she settled herself into the seat, noting her still-pale complexion with the dark smudges under her dull eyes. He couldn't keep the worried frown off his face as he headed for the driver's side.
From inside the Jeep, Lorelai studied him too as he passed in front of the car, sighing at his worried expression. She smiled in appreciation, though, at the nice, dark jeans he had on, and the sky-blue, short-sleeved Henley top. She felt a little unnerved that he was hatless, but that was a thousand times better than the strange black one he'd been wearing.
He took a moment to adjust the seat and the mirrors. "Well, here we go," he murmured, and pulled out into the street.
Hours later, Luke pulled into a parking spot next to a municipal building in a well-maintained little town. He stretched, looking over at Lorelai, who was still sound asleep, her head slanted over against the headrest. At the beginning of the trip she'd made one feeble attempt at a joke about her music selection and was out like a light by the time he'd looked at her again.
"Hey, Lorelai," he said softly, patting her shoulder. She shifted, mumbling, but didn't really wake up. "I'm going in here for a minute to get some information. Just stay here, OK? I'll be right back."
"'K," she slurred, drifting back off.
It took longer inside than what Luke had hoped, but he was glad to see that she was still asleep when he returned. He consulted the map he'd been given, then drove to the recommended hotel.
Lorelai awoke to his gorgeous smile. "Hey, Sleepyhead," he said quietly. "We're here."
She smiled and stretched, for a moment forgetting the real reason for the trip. For a moment of luxurious amnesia, she she reached out a hand to his shoulder, giving it an affectionate squeeze before everything fell back into place. Embarrassed, she contracted back into her seat. "Thanks for the nap," she muttered awkwardly.
Next they gathered their things and headed inside, Luke leading the way to the room he'd booked while Lorelai was still asleep.
"Nice," she said approvingly, glancing around the neat hallway, appreciating the fresh flowers displayed on a side table.
Luke opened the door and Lorelai stepped inside the room and froze, momentarily taken aback by the duck-printed wallpaper, the paintings of ducks, and a carved wooden duck sitting on a ledge.
"Huh," she said, her eyebrows rising as she took it all in.
"That's a lot of ducks," Luke commented dryly as he hung his garment bag in the closet space.
"Uh, we're sharing?" Lorelai's voice went up shrilly in surprise.
"Yeah," he said, looking up quickly. "Is that wrong?" He blew out a breath and answered his own question. "Of course that's wrong. Sorry, I didn't even think. I just thought if we needed to talk; to work this out…I'll go get us another room." He nodded and headed for the door.
"No, you know what? Don't bother." Lorelai plopped down on one of the beds and leaned back, yawning. "This is fine. If you're OK with it, I am. We'll just have to take turns going down to the lobby if we feel like killing each other."
Luke chuckled, but privately thought that would probably be the case. He watched as Lorelai leaned back further on the bed, grabbing a pillow and squishing it under her head as she cuddled into it, her eyes once again closing.
"You're still sleepy?" he asked in disbelief.
"You have no idea how much energy it takes to grow one of these things," she muttered, but she sat up, cradling her head in her hands, her elbows on her knees. "Sorry," she smiled lazily at him. "I'll try to stay awake."
He gulped and looked away quickly from her unintentional sexy face. The way his body automatically responded to her made him angry at his lack of control. He began to pace the short length of the room. "I just thought we'd talk about stuff," he groused.
"OK." Lorelai forced a smile. "Never thought I'd hear that from your mouth, but sure. Go ahead. Hit me with your best shot." She braced herself, certain that she knew what the first question would be.
Luke turned towards her, but stared at the floor, not at her. He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his feet, expelling the air he'd trapped in his lungs.
"You're mad at me?" His own anger smoldered under his words. "You can't trust me?" He looked at her then, glaring, his fists clenched. "I hurt you?"
Lorelai's mouth dropped open as she discovered she was wrong about what the first question would be. "Well, yeah," she said, bewildered at his demeanor.
He laughed then, bitterly, and went back to his pacing. "That takes the cake," he muttered. "Please explain why you can't trust me," he demanded, sarcastically.
"April," she replied, simply.
He spun to stare at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means…Two months, Luke! That's what it means!" In spite of her good intentions, Lorelai felt the anger and hurt she'd managed to bury over the whole situation start to rise again. "Let's face it, if I hadn't have stumbled over her in the diner that day, you never would have told me!"
"That's not true! You don't know that! You don't know how many times I tried! Besides, you said you were over that!"
"Well, I lied!" Lorelai snapped.
"How was I supposed to know that anything was wrong when you pretended it was fine? Why is it my fault when you kept quiet? How was I supposed to know that Lorelai Gilmore wouldn't tell me, wouldn't talk to me about what was bugging her?"
"Well, what happened to the guy I knew, huh? What happened to the guy who could take one look at my face and know what I was feeling! Who knew what I needed! Where'd he go, huh? How was I supposed to know he'd lost that ability and wasn't just ignoring me?"
"So it's all my fault because I'm not a mind-reader?"
"Yes! No―I don't know!" Lorelai took a deep breath and tried to focus. "Do you know," she said thickly, more calmly, "before I found out about April, I was worried that maybe you'd found someone else?"
"Oh, come on, Lorelai!" He sounded disgusted.
"No, seriously," she insisted. "I knew something was wrong. Remember Christmas? How weird it was? Rory was home and it should have been so happy, but you were so distant. I gave you that book on the Red Sox, and wrote something in the front about promising not to distract you while you read it, because I'd managed to lure you away from the TV one night. Remember? You couldn't even look at me. It was like you were ashamed to look at me."
Luke was fuming but silent. Her recollection of the holiday was correct. He had been ashamed and petrified into inaction. He'd ached to tell her but by then the hole he'd dug himself into had already seemed insurmountable.
"I didn't think you'd cheat on me, but I just couldn't figure out what was wrong," Lorelai added.
"Well, I didn't think you'd cheat on me either, but boy, was I wrong about that!" Luke shot at her.
"You lied to me for two months, Luke!"
"You're honestly comparing you cheating to me not telling you about April? Unbelievable!"
"All I know is, you had this wonderful, joyful thing happen to you, probably the biggest thing ever, in your whole life, and you didn't tell me! You didn't want to tell me! And then, even after I found out, you didn't want to share it with me! You shut me out, Luke!" she cried, the words still echoing the pain she felt.
He hated hearing her like this. She was keeping herself from crying, but her voice shook with the emotional strain. His fury, however, kept his sympathy buried.
"And you'd know all about that, how? Because you're so good at sharing Rory?"
Lorelai gave a snort of derision. "You think I kept Rory from you? You think I told her she was forbidden to go to the diner when we fought?"
"No, but―"
"That's right, I didn't! You had more access to her than anyone, even before we started dating! More than Christopher ever did!"
Hearing his name made both of them grimace, but Luke tried to vault over it.
"Except when it counted," he fumed.
"What do you mean?"
"That whole fiasco after she dropped out of school. We had to do it your way then, that's for sure!"
Lorelai shook her head vigorously. "That's because she needed to grow up. She needed to push herself and do it for herself, not because her Mommy and Luke were making her. I never stopped you from going to see her and talk to her, Luke!"
"Yeah, right," he said, rolling his eyes.
She growled in frustration. "Don't you realize how much influence you had on us? Don't you know how many times I came to you for advice while Rory was growing up? You'd pour me coffee, and I'd gripe, and you'd grunt out a few words, and by the time I'd leave I'd have a handle on the situation." She paused to let her next words sink in. "It took me years to realize it, but you helped me raise her, Luke."
She watched his face soften a bit. His stance was still rigid, but he didn't look as angry, and that caused her to misjudge what she said next.
"That's why I wish you would have let me help you with April, and with Anna. There were probably a lot of insights I could have given you about how to deal with a possessive single mom."
The hiatus from anger was very, very brief.
"You just don't get it, do you?" he exploded again. "This situation has nothing to do with you! Right now it's just me and my daughter trying to build this relationship!"
"So I'm supposed to share Rory but you get to keep April for yourself?" she cried, incredulous at what she was hearing.
"Right now, yes! Right now it's me and it's April!"
"And Anna," Lorelai said in a thin, brittle voice he didn't even recognize.
"What?"
"You, and April, and Anna!"
"Are you trying to imply something?" he demanded.
"I just think it's strange that as soon as this woman from your past―this gorgeous, sexy woman, I may add―shows up again, suddenly I'm coming in last in your life!"
"You can't be serious!"
Lorelai shrugged, trying to appear cool and unruffled, even as her heart thumped in her chest. "All I know is, instead of getting a lawyer and fighting for your share of April, or trying to work out a custody agreement with Anna, or even letting her know that you've got a stable family life in the wings with a fiancée and a house ready to move into, instead of doing any of that, you're desperate to keep the status quo. And the only reason I can think of for that is because you want it that way!"
Luke came close to her and got in her face. His voice took on his low and deadly tone, the one even worse than his rants. "I want you to hear me, Lorelai. Anna means nothing to me. At one point, I probably had some fond memories of her as a friend, as someone I used to care about. But those are gone since I found out about April. If I could somehow manage not to ever see her again, I would."
"But―"
"I'm not finished! I did not cheat on you with Anna. The thought never occurred to me. I have no desire to be with her. I did not leave you that night, after telling you I loved you, and go directly to my old lover and screw her! Does that sound familiar, Lorelai? Do you remember standing out in the street, telling me over and over that you loved me? And then, what, an hour or two later you were in his bed? Is this ringing any bells for you? So don't pretend that there's any comparison between how I hurt you and how you destroyed me!"
Lorelai had raised her hands protectively during his angry tirade and had placed them over her ears, desperate not to hear the words she nevertheless felt she deserved. She bit her lips to keep from crying, but the tears squeezed out anyway.
Luke despised himself at that moment. He hated being so cruel to her, but he couldn't help it. The words were primed to come out of him.
Someone rapped sharply on their door and Luke stomped over to jerk it open.
"What?" he snapped, flinging open the door.
Standing in the hall were two men. The one who had knocked was in his 30's, dressed in a gray suit with 'Larry Carlisle, Manager' helpfully printed on his nametag. The other man was probably 10 years older than Larry, and although some inches shorter than Luke, he was heavier, more solidly built and much more intimidating, even without his police uniform and his hand casually resting on his gun holster.
Luke's eyes went wide and he tried to rid his face of any residual anger.
"Hi, folks," Larry said amiably. He introduced himself, then pointed to the other man. "This is my brother Russ, who's chief of police here. He stopped by to have a cup of coffee with me, and we thought we'd check in with you. Everything OK?"
Luke exhaled forcefully. "We're fine," he tried to say as non-threateningly as possible. He stole a glance at Lorelai, who had tucked her hair back behind her ears and was scrubbing at her face with her hands, trying to erase her tears.
"We're fine," she echoed, trying her best to smile her usually dazzling smile and failing.
Larry glanced at his brother before addressing Lorelai. "Mrs. Danes, could I have a word with you out in the hall?"
Lorelai flinched at the 'Mrs. Danes,' but didn't correct him, figuring that was the least of their worries. "Oh, sure!" she replied, shooting a questioning glance at Luke as she headed out the door.
Luke groaned inwardly, seeing that the chief of police had observed what looked like Lorelai seeking his permission to leave the room.
Once in the hall, Lorelai lost no time in trying to explain. "Larry, I'm really sorry if we were…" She paused, trying to find the right word. "Disruptive." She nodded. That sounded good. Descriptive, but not overly negative. "I own an inn, actually, in Stars Hollow, and I've had to call the county deputy a time or two myself. I never thought I'd be on the receiving end, though. One time we had a wedding, where everyone got really happy, if you catch my drift, and the father of the bride ended up in someone else's room, and then the mother of the bride walked in, and all hell broke loose. And another time, Cletus―he's a horse―got loose and sort of sat on a car…" Lorelai abruptly choked off the end of the story. "And you don't care, huh? Sorry, I sort of babble when I'm nervous. Not that there's anything for me to be nervous about. Being here, I mean. With Luke. We're fine," she finished, drawing a breath.
Larry studied her closely. "Russ really is my brother, and he really did just stop by to visit. One of the maids was walking past your room, and she was alarmed at the, uh, volume…of your conversation, and she came to inform me. We just want to make sure your visit is a pleasant one, and if we can help, we'd like to do that." His eyes drilled into Lorelai's.
"Look," she sighed. "The yelling? That's just what we do. At least, it's what we used to do. We've gone through some bad times recently, and we've forgotten how we used to be with each other. There are things we need to say to each other―some of them at a high volume, like all the way up to 11―to try and get to where we need to be. See, we live in a really small town, and if tried to do this there, everyone would be watching us. We came here so we could address our issues and try to make peace. I promise we'll hold it down to a dull roar, OK? I'm sorry we made a scene."
He fidgeted for a minute, trying to make up his mind. "Here's my card," he finally said, reaching in his pocket. "Even after you leave here, you can call me if you need help. In fact, while you're here, if you just yell 'Larry!' loud enough, someone will come get me," he added, smiling.
Lorelai grinned. "You know, it seems to me that yelling your name while I'm with Luke might be just the sort of thing that'd get me hit."
Larry looked alarmed.
"See, back home, those are the sort of crazy statements I'm known for," Lorelai explained, groaning. "People laugh and roll their eyes. I know you don't know me or Luke at all, but he's really a kind, gentle guy. He can rant with the best of 'em, but that's all it amounts to. He came to a caterpillar's funeral for my daughter―and brought brownies! He took his nephew in and gave him a home when no one else would. He hasn't let Marilyn Crane pay full price in his diner for over three years, because he knows she's just scraping by since her husband died. And…" Lorelai sighed, "if he ever, ever was going to hit me, he would've done it a couple of months ago when I told him I'd cheated on him. But he didn't. And he never would," she insisted.
Larry absorbed the confidence in her face, contrasted it with the heartbroken woman he'd first spied inside the room, and made the decision to believe her. "OK," he said. "I just don't want to read about you in the paper someday, and wish I'd done something more."
"Never. Well, we might be in the paper someday," and here Lorelai flashed him her real smile, "but never for anything like that!"
Larry nodded as he reached for the door to open it, and they headed back inside.
Luke was sitting on the edge of the bed, his arms folded across his chest. Russ leaned against the desk, calmly watching Luke.
Russ and Larry exchanged a look, and Russ casually pulled himself upright. "You folks have a pleasant visit," he said, exiting the door.
"Call if you need anything," Larry added, as he too, went out the door, with one last hard look at Lorelai.
"Thank you!" she called, closing the door firmly behind them. "Whew!" she said, leaning against it with her back.
"What did you say?" Luke asked anxiously.
"I said that you were a sweetheart, wouldn't hurt a fly, and that there was absolutely no need whatsoever to check with the Litchfield police department, because you were provoked and had every reason to kick the crap out of the Sockman's car."
"Lorelai," he growled, not seeing the humor.
"And yes," she continued, "you did push Jess in the lake, and did physically threaten a 16-year-old boy, but again, you were provoked."
"Lorelai!"
"And I didn't even mention all of the people you've thrown out of the diner over the years. They had it comin'!"
He stopped himself from yelling her name a third time, knowing she was just letting off steam. He bit his lip and looked at the floor.
"Relax, Luke." She sounded tired suddenly. "I said I felt safer with you than anyone. That you'd never hurt me. At least, not like that. Not the way they meant."
He nodded, not knowing what else to say. Her words were true and he was ashamed. He was beginning to see how much he had hurt her with the whole April thing. And just a few minutes earlier, he'd taken a sort of sick pleasure in the way his words were pummeling her. He hung his head and rubbed at the back of his neck, sighing heavily.
"So what did you and Russ talk about?" she asked lightly.
"Nothing," he muttered.
"Nothing?"
"He said not one word. Not the whole time. He just sat and watched me." Luke made a face and Lorelai laughed.
"Well, I'm glad I got the talky brother, then!"
"Yeah." He sighed and stretched, rubbing his face tiredly. "You've got to be hungry. What do you say we go get some dinner? And maybe call a truce for the time being?"
"Sounds great," she agreed, and grabbed up her purse.
They walked quietly across the parking lot to the restaurant situated there. Reynold's Grill had a huge menu with a little bit of everything on it. It seemed like they'd barely gotten to the last page of the offerings when the waitress appeared to take their order.
"I bet I could order for you," Lorelai said, her eyes twinkling like they used to at Luke, the mischievous note in her voice.
"Go ahead," he said, trying not to let on what a relief it was to see her like that.
Lorelai smiled at the young girl. "The gentleman will have the grilled chicken salad, with the vinaigrette dressing on the side, and unsweetened iced tea, with lemon."
Luke smiled his approval, and gave a nod to the waitress to confirm that was indeed his order.
"Your turn," Lorelai stated, motioning to her menu.
"OK." Luke accepted her challenge, feeling confident. "The lady will have the bacon cheeseburger with extra cheese, no tomatoes. She'll want onion rings, fries, a vat of coffee, and a hot fudge sundae for dessert."
"Wow!" She let her mouth drop open in admiration. "It's like you know the real me! That's perfect, except change the cheeseburger to scrambled eggs," she corrected to the waitress. "Make the onion rings and fries into white toast, and change the coffee to ginger ale. I'd like the fresh fruit plate with that, and I'll let you know about the sundae later."
Once the waitress had walked away, Luke asked skeptically, "So, is that really what you wanted, or did you just want to prove me wrong?"
Lorelai gave a playful scowl and rubbed at her stomach. "I want the cheeseburger, but I'm not sure Junior, here, would let me. So I opted for something bland until he settles down."
Luke felt like reality had just slapped him across the face. Somehow he'd managed to totally forget she was pregnant.
"I guess I never realized how much a woman has to change while she's pregnant," he said slowly.
"It's worth it, in the end," she said brightly, shrugging.
"You're a good mom," he said gruffly.
"I wasn't so much, with Rory," she confessed, in the easy way she'd always been able to talk to him. "I was so young, and so stupid! At first, I didn't know I was pregnant. Or more like I didn't want to admit that I was. So I ate crap and drank and did stupid stuff. But once the truth set in I read the books and tried my best. Mom had a cook then, Dolores, who liked me, and she'd make me the most amazing fruit drinks, and sneak in all sorts of healthy dishes that I ended up gobbling down. Luckily I wasn't the caffeine fiend that I am today. But I still think it's a miracle that Rory turned out the way she did."
"Rory was lucky," he insisted, "to have you. This baby's lucky. You're a good mom," he repeated firmly.
She gave another little half-shrug, and looked across the room, taking a deep breath before bringing her eyes back to fix on him. "Hey, Luke, I wanted to thank you for not asking me the one question I'm sure you were dying to."
His eyebrows pulled together. "What's that?"
"You know, if I'm sure."
He shrugged. "You showed me the tests. I figure you're as sure as you can be."
She licked her lips nervously. "No. I…I don't mean sure if I am. I mean sure that it's you."
Once again he felt like reality had kicked him in the head. Once she'd mentioned June third no other scenario had crossed his mind.
Lorelai rushed on, seeing his face. "I know you're too much of a gentleman to ever really question me, so I want to make it really clear that it was just that one, stupid night with Chris. I haven't seen him since. Really. And there hasn't been anyone else," she added, barely able to breath. "Just…Just June third."
"Stop it," he ground out. "I know you. I know you wouldn't do anything like that."
She laughed bitterly. "Yeah, I used to think that, too, but apparently I am exactly that kind of skanky whore."
He leaned across the table and grabbed her wrists. "Stop! Do you hear me?" He glared at her, his voice low but intense. "You will not say things like that about yourself!"
She held his eyes for a moment before dropping her gaze to the table, shrugging again. "Anyway, once I get to the doctor, she'll have ways of measuring and calculating that'll prove it, in case you've got doubts―"
He slapped his open palm against the table between them, effectively cutting her off and emphasizing his irritation. "Enough," he spat out. "I'm serious, Lorelai. One more word and I walk out the door."
She swallowed hard. "OK, but Luke, we need to be honest with each other. If you have questions or concerns about anything, I want you to bring them to me. I don't want you to go sit in some dark place and stew over them. I want us to be able to talk about anything."
With his mouth set he met her gaze. "I agree," he muttered. "But I don't want to hear you questioning your character again."
The awkward silence that followed had them both reaching for their water glasses.
After several sips, Luke broached another topic of discussion.
"I wanted to say that before, when I was talking about Rory, I was really always OK with the fact that she came first. I mean, that's the way it should be, and I knew that going in."
Lorelai's forehead crinkled as she tried to figure out his meaning. "First?" she questioned.
"Yeah, you know. First." He shifted uncomfortably. "Like, in your heart."
"Oh, Luke," she gasped, shaking her head slowly, stunned. "You think I love Rory more than you?"
"You love Rory more'n coffee," he forced a grin, trying to show how he really was OK with it.
She pressed her hands against the table, still shaking her head. "I'm so, so sorry you think that. I'm so, so sorry I never made it clear. But believe me, from Fiddler on the Roof time on, you guys have shared top billing. I have to admit, for most of my life I never thought it would happen, but it did. Now, if the two of you were drowning, I'd still probably save her first, but that's only because you're a better swimmer than she is. And plus, you'd kill me once I got you out and you found out I'd left her in the water." She smiled fully at him, her eyes shining.
"Yeah, I would," he agreed gruffly, caught up in the magic of her eyes. He felt like he could have sat there, feeling connected to her again, for a long, long time, but their food arrived then and broke the mood.
Once back in their room, Luke sat heavily down in one of the chairs at the table and watched as Lorelai examined the décor.
"Man, there's a lot of ducks," she muttered. "What's Larry thinking?"
Luke decided that this was the moment to plunge right in. "I think it's time we discussed what we're going to do about this baby." Nerves made his voice sound cold as steel.
Lorelai whipped her head around to stare at him, fire-red anger already flowing out. "If you think there's any chance in hell that I'm not having this baby, you don't know me at all!" She advanced on him, her arms flailing.
He jumped up to meet her, grabbing her arms to hold them down. "Jesus, Lorelai! Do you honestly think I'd ever suggest such a thing to you? Do you not know me? This is our baby! Ours!" He pressed one hand over her stomach, staking his claim.
He watched as she battled her emotions. Sanity slowly made a comeback, and she rested one hand over his. "Yeah," she said, sounding a little shaky. Her eyes met his and she blinked a few times. "Sorry. I didn't mean to jump down your throat. Of course I know. There was just something about the way you said it…Sorry."
She shook her head to clear it and disentangled herself from him, walking over to peer out the window as she further tried to calm her emotions.
"You know," she said, turning back to him, "I just realized I don't even know where we are. If you get totally fed up with me, how far is the taxi ride to get home?"
Well, he couldn't hide it any longer.
He swallowed hard. "Maryland," he sighed, and waited for it to hit her.
The air rushed out of her lungs, and she tried to suck some of it back.
"So…Maryland, huh? Wow. That's something," she gulped. "Forty-nine other states and you picked Maryland," she murmured, almost to herself.
"Well, you said we'd have to come here someday," he pointed out, hoping for the best.
She was stunned into silence, not able to believe he was throwing her words back at her from that night of the ultimatum.
"We're just over the border," he rushed on, when she didn't respond. "The town's called Havre de Grace. It's the duck decoy center of the world," he added, filling up the dead space in the conversation.
"Hence the ducks," she said, pointing.
"Hence the ducks," he nodded, waiting.
"Well, OK," she said slowly. "As long as there's a reason." She looked over and met his eyes.
He didn't look away. "I think we should get married," he stated, carefully not making it into a question. It wasn't a proposal in any way.
"Oy," she gasped, once again breathless. She made her way over to the bed she'd claimed, sinking down to sit on it. "Are you crazy?" she asked, faintly. "You are, aren't you? I've finally pushed you over the edge!"
"I'm not crazy," he insisted, rolling his eyes. He'd expected this. "It makes perfect sense. I want to be involved, and you won't be trying to take care of the baby on your own. We can make this work," he stated firmly.
Lorelai stared at him, a conflict raging inside. One part of her wanted to scream 'Yes!' about a million times and do a happy dance, thrilled that she was finally getting what she wanted all along. The other part of her, however, didn't want to get it this way. That part wanted Luke down on one knee, telling her he couldn't live without her, asking her to marry him because he wanted her; not because of the baby that was coming.
"That wouldn't be fair," she finally managed to spit out.
"Why not?"
"Because you'd be stuck in a marriage. To me," she added painfully. "What happens when you find whoever you should be with?"
He snorted a laugh. "You think I'm gonna get married and then start hittin' the clubs, looking for someone else? You think I'm gonna sign up for online dating? Come on!"
So not the response she was looking for. She averted her gaze, and Luke seemed to sense what she needed.
"Look." He sat down on his bed, facing her. "I've already told you that in spite of everything I still love you, and from the things you've said, I'm pretty sure you still love me. The two things I'm most certain about are that I want to take care of you, and I want to take care of the baby. So we get married, and legally I'm there to do just that."
"Luke, this is just so…so…" She couldn't even find the words to tell him how insane this was. "Before, you didn't want me anywhere around April. And now, you just want to spring a stepmother on her? Or will I be a stepmother in name only? Will you still entertain her privately at the diner?" She couldn't keep the snotty tone from coloring her words.
"I'll figure something out," he assured her. "I'll talk to Anna, and―"
"No! No! That's just―No!" Lorelai jumped up. "You marry me, there is no 'I.' There's 'we!' It becomes our problem. We deal with it!"
He worried his bottom lip. "I just don't know if Anna―"
She cut him off again. "I don't care about Anna! I don't care if she has a problem with it! This is a woman who decided on her own to cut you out, Luke! She decided not to let you be a father! She didn't care about what you wanted, or what was right! Legally you have as much right to April as you do this baby! God! Why won't you see that!"
"I do, Lorelai," he said quietly, not giving his frustrations voice the way she was. "I don't want to put April in the middle of a situation like that. I don't want her to ever have to choose, because you and I both know she'd choose her mom, just the way Rory'd choose you. And if the courts get involved, and tell her that she has to be with me for so much time during the year-this weekend, that holiday―I don't want her to grow up resenting me. I don't want to force her to see me. I'd rather suffer myself, and work it out with Anna, and save April from any of the nasty part."
"OK, so I admire that, Luke, I really do. But what happens when the baby gets here, and Anna decides that since I'm temporary, the baby is temporary, too, and she won't let April be around the baby? Then what?"
"That's not gonna happen," he stated darkly. In his mind, he'd already seen April holding the baby, asking millions of questions about infant care.
"But what if it does?" Lorelai persisted.
"Then I―" He stopped himself, paused, and turned to Lorelai with a more determined look. "Then we go see Anna. And a lawyer, if necessary. We won't let that happen. I promise."
"OK," she said, a small glimmer of hope struggling to be seen on the far horizon. "But you know," she said slowly, not sure how much longer she could continue to fight against something she wanted so badly, "it's not the 1950's. It's not like we're going to be ostracized if we're not married. Hell, I've already done the whole 'unwed mother' thing. It's not that bad. You'll get used to it."
Luke shook his head emphatically. "I don't want it to be like that. I don't want that for the baby, or for you. I want to take a stab at doing this right."
Lorelai chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully, trying to land on a persuasive argument. "You know, when I got pregnant with Rory, Chris wanted to marry me. He wanted to do that 'right thing' too, but I wouldn't let him. I wanted him to go on and have his future."
"I'm not some 16-year-old kid, and neither are you. I know what I want, and it's trying to make a home for this baby. That's my future!"
Lorelai leaned forward, forcing Luke to look her in the eye. "I do love you, Luke, I do. And it's because I love you that I don't want to see you forced into some sort of puritanical marriage sacrifice."
"It's not a sacrifice, Lorelai," he snapped. "It's duty. It's obligation. It's family!"
"Oh, my God," she muttered, taken aback. "You've turned into my father."
"I want to be in this, do you understand? I don't want to be on the outside, with my involvement limited to some timetable. I want to be there!"
Lorelai's hackles started to rise. "You think I'd deny you access to the baby? You know that's not how I am! Of course I want you there! I want you involved!"
"Look, here's the deal," Luke said forcefully, tired of trying to explain it. "Either we get married, and I'm there 24/7, or I don't want to be there at all."
"What?" she asked, almost laughing. She figured his words had gotten twisted as they came out of his mouth, because he surely didn't mean what he'd just said.
"You heard me. Either we get married, and I'm this baby's father in every sense of the word, or I'm stepping away."
Her mouth opened in shock. "Luke," she chided him, still not believing he meant it.
The muscle in his jaw was working furiously. "Financially, I'd make sure you were covered. But otherwise, I'd be out."
"Luke." She tried again. "You don't mean that."
"Yes, I do, Lorelai." She saw the glint in his eye, the set jaw. "Either we get married, or I'm out."
Lorelai wet her lips nervously, feeling a little like the room was off-kilter. She tilted her head to one side, hoping that would help straighten things out, studying him.
"I thought you didn't like ultimatums," she finally said quietly.
"I don't like Mondays, either, but unfortunately they keep coming around." He quoted her own words back at her.
What do you know. He was listening that night.
"Do you want to explain to me where this is coming from?" she asked softly.
He ran his fingers through his hair, looking around the room as he tried to find a way to explain.
"I've missed so much with April. So damned much. It's great that I get to see her now, but I still know how much I miss. When she stays with me I see the difference. I know if she wakes up cranky. I know what she eats for breakfast. I know if her shoelace breaks. I know who she calls for history class notes. I know if she needs a snack before bed. When she's not with me, I only hear the big things, like what grade she got on the test, or where they went on a field trip. I get cut out of all of those little, insignificant things that actually make up what life is. I don't want to miss the broken shoelaces with this kid, Lorelai." His voice cracked. "I couldn't stand it. So I can't do this halfway. It's all or nothing."
His voice was full of despair and heartbreak and almost more than she could stand. She wanted to say something to reassure him but the words refused to come out of her tightened throat.
He looked at her and knew. "It's not you," he insisted hoarsely. "I know you'd do your best. I know you'd be generous. It's just not enough." He paused, and then said with great effort, "I bet even Christopher would agree with me. If you'd ask him about the difference between being Rory's dad, and G.G.'s, he'd tell you." He shook his head slightly in disbelief. "And the last thing I'd ever want is for him to agree with me on anything, but he would."
The room was suddenly silent as both of them caught their breath for a moment.
"This is what I want," he then said with quiet conviction. "I want my shot at a family."
Lorelai let all of the air whoosh out of her lungs before drawing in another breath. This was crazy! This was so crazy! And yet, Luke was so sincere, so desperate in his plea to be with this baby; to be a family together. She just wanted it to be because of her, not the baby.
"Do I have to give you an answer right now?" she ventured.
"No, you can think about it some." He waved his hand in the air, trying to be casual. "Take all the time you need, as long as you decide before Friday at 4:30."
"Why?" she asked, her heartbeat picking up speed again. "What's Friday at 4:30?"
"That's the latest that the clerk of the court can marry us, so I scheduled us in."
"You…" Once again, Lorelai was speechless. "You've flipped out," she finally sputtered out. "Totally, freakin' flipped."
He tried to explain. "Even though it's easier to get married here, you still have to wait two days, and I didn't know how long we could take the ducks, so I thought I'd make the appointment first and try to convince you later."
Luke's explanation was sincere and honest, and even a little sweet, but there was something about the mention of the ducks that pushed Lorelai over the edge. She could feel the laughter working its way up through her body and she had no choice but to let it out. Luke looked at her, with that special annoyed-but-inwardly-pleased look he saved just for her. She leaned against the desk, gasping with hysterical laughter, wiping her eyes.
"The ducks," she choked out, through her giggles, pointing at the carved wooden one. "Oy with the ducks already!"
Luke felt a smile breaking across his own face. He'd always found Lorelai's laughter contagious, and, he had to admit, what he was trying to talk her into was pretty ridiculous. He chuckled ruefully.
She looked at him, trying to come down from her laughing jag, shrugging her shoulders helplessly. On impulse, he stepped close to her and wrapped his arms around her in a fierce hug, letting his chin rub against her hair in the way that used to comfort them both.
"It's going to be OK, Lorelai," he said softly, next to her ear. "We'll make this work. I promise."
He held her close and she gradually quieted, giving herself up to the comfort of resting against him, feeling her bones melt as he gently rubbed her back, swaying slightly.
I should step back, she thought. Let him know I'm OK, that he doesn't have to hold me anymore. But she didn't move except to tuck her head deeper into the crook of his neck.
I should let her go, Luke thought. I don't know if she really wants me touching her. But this is so nice, to hold her again. So his arms tightened instead of releasing her.
Eventually he felt her yawn against him. "Tired?" he asked.
"Exhausted," she confirmed.
"Go get ready for bed," he told her. "We'll talk more about everything tomorrow." He gave her a gentle nudge.
She made a noise of protest as he withdrew his arms, but she gathered up her things and headed for the bathroom.
Luke pretended to be watching Sports Center when she came out. He was happy to observe that her powder blue pajama set was cute but not overtly sexy. He didn't know how he was supposed to handle sleeping in a room with Lorelai Gilmore and not actually sleeping with her.
"You want to watch anything?" he asked, pointing at the TV.
"No," she groaned, crawling into her bed, her eyes already half-closed.
He turned it off and went in to get ready, and found that by the time he returned she was already sound asleep.
He stood for a moment just watching her, marveling at her beauty, his mind boggling at the fact that inside her gorgeous body a baby was already taking shape. He tore his gaze from her and turned off the lights, shaking his head a little at the wonder of second chances.
Lorelai was struggling towards consciousness, her eyelids fluttering. Suddenly there was something pressed against her lips. Something dry and rectangular.
"Don't open your eyes," he voice ordered quietly. "Just open your mouth and eat this."
A grin jumped across her face. "Dirty!" she observed, but obediently kept her eyes closed and let him feed her. She could feel his warmth hovering beside her. As she chewed, she put up her hand.
"What are you doing?" He jerked to one side, trying to avoid getting poked in the eye.
"Trying to find your mouth," she said, hoping she wasn't spitting cracker crumbs at him.
"Why?" he asked bewildered.
"I want to find out if you're smiling." Her fingers finally connected with her goal and she ran the tips of them over his mouth, smiling herself as she detected his smirk. She could feel his heart rate increase, too. Good, because her body was certainly wide awake.
As soon as she polished off that cracker, he brought another one to her mouth.
"So," she observed, munching, "you brought me saltines."
She could feel the Luke Danes' patented aw-shucks-it-wasn't-anything shrug. "Well, you said they helped, and I had extra in the storeroom."
Another cracker was pressing against her lips, but she put her fingers around it.
"I think I can take it from here, thanks," she said.
She opened her eyes to the treat of Luke's crystal clear blue ones twinkling right over her. Her heart started to beat even faster.
"You brought me crackers," she said again, her voice so tender, swallowing hard.
"No big deal," he said.
"Yeah, Luke, it is, and the fact that you don't think so is what makes you you." She carefully swallowed, and then ran her fingers over her mouth, making sure all traces of cracker crumbs were gone. "So, that suggestion you made last night. Is it still on the table?"
"Yes," he said, holding his breath.
She nodded, looking down at the sleeve of crackers pressed against her side. Then she looked up, meeting his eyes again.
"Then I'll marry you, Luke."
"Good," he said, sounding relieved and panicked at the same time. "That's good."
She smiled up at him tremulously, waiting for him to kiss her.
But the kiss never came.