Chapter Two
Pairing: W/T – eventually.
Rating: PG – watch chapters for changes.
Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS. This is completely AU, and there may be some dialogue stealing on my part here and there. There's no hellmouth, no oogly-booglys, and to quote Jean Paul Sartre "Hell is other people". So there is your angst warning, along with near misses but inevitably there will be a happy ending.
Feedback: Of course please, it's a fanfic author's lifeblood!
The Long Journey Home
797 miles – 1,282.647 kilometers. I've driven over a lot of the forty-eight contiguous states, but no drive ever seemed as long as that one.
Normally this wouldn't have been so bad. I like to drive, it clears my head, but drives like these had to be in a special level in hell reserved for the heartbroken. I felt like a man walking down for execution because as far as I was concerned I had nothing left to give. I couldn't eat, I would pull over at rest stops to take little cat naps. Not the safest I know but I did what I had to. I stopped for gas and to call Erik to let him know I was okay. And thankfully even in the middle of nowhere I could find bottles of Starbucks Frappuccinos™ to drink.
Long miles full of self-recriminations, tears, agony and all the fights playing over and over in my head like Satan's worst home movie ever. It should have taken about thirteen hours, but between the endless stream of tears, it took far longer. I swore I'd never let anyone make me feel the way she had, I'd never give up so much of myself ever again. I had so willingly lost myself in her – in "us". During the long drive back to Colorado Springs, I made so many promises to myself. I
I drove for a straight twenty four hours – and I made a whole lot of promises to myself. When I finally pulled into Erik's driveway, I sat there for a moment. I felt like hell, I ached physically and mentally, so I'm pretty sure I looked like it too. I remember jumping when my door popped open, and I looked to see Erik standing there. Tall, broad shouldered – every girl's dream – just not mine.
He looked at me sadly and opened his arms and I fell into his warm hug. I thought I had cried all my tears by then – I was wrong. I remember him sweeping me up into his arms and carrying me inside while I cried on his shoulder. My knight in shining armor, my best friend, my confidant – he was always the one who listened without judging, and the one who encouraged me to be strong regardless of how much it may hurt.
Erik and I had been friends since my parents moved us to Colorado Springs when I was in middle school. My dad taught at the Air Force Academy and Erik was a "townie". Meaning his family wasn't attached to any of the three military installations in any way. We moved a lot, and while making friends wasn't easy, they never lasted longer than a year or two tops. Erik's was the exception to that rule, much to my benefit.
We had gym together in seventh grade, and after I managed to shoot our stereotypically butch female gym teacher in the ass with an arrow – well an instant friendship was formed. Fortunately for Ms. Carter it was just a flesh wound and only needed stitches, and she passed me but kept me away from all the pointy things…the throw-able things… pretty much everything, so I really couldn't complain at the time.
He was the first person I came out to when I was seventeen – and then proceeded to try and sneak me into a topless bar to celebrate. That was a night I'll never forget, but I'm getting sidetracked and that's a story for another time.
We sat on his couch and he listened to everything I had been leaving out of our conversations for the last year almost. The horrible words, the painful lies finally told and the bitterness of her ultimate betrayal. My tears never seemed to cease until I finally told him about the cheating and why I really left, or why she was leaving me. She wanted the one thing I couldn't give her, and so she left me for a man.
She said she wasn't in love with him, said he knew her feelings and what she wanted from him. But he was in love with her, and if that's what he could get, well, that's what he would take. I sat stunned, with everything else, how could I believe her? I raged that there were other ways we could have had children, so for her to say she felt nothing she had to be a liar as well as a cheater.
And obviously she took me for a fool. She knew I wouldn't share. So I went home, with my tail tucked between my legs and a heavy shattered heart.
I told Erik it all, and then I slept for the next four days.