Wow. Ok. Once more, I want to make clear that there is direct quoting from the last book, or paraphrasing, and I own nothing.
On that note, I want to say that I kind of can't believe this is finished. Jake is definitely a complicated person. Also, I tried very hard not to make him sound whiny, or to rush this chapter. But it was like 13 pages, and I didn't want to rehash every single detail of the final book because that's nothing new. If I did end up rushing it, I'm sorry.
I hope you enjoy it. :)
"What?" Jake snapped, turning around and glaring at Quinn.
He'd been following Jake around for the past ten minutes, giving him hesitant glances.
Quinn made a calming motion with his hands, and grabbing Jake's arm, pulled him into the barn.
"Quinn, I'm not in a good mood. And we have work to do, let's –"
Quinn cut him off. "Kit's not going back."
Jake stopped, a shock going through his body. He stared at Quinn, who didn't look concerned about what he had said. He just looked a little disappointed, for reasons Jake couldn't perceive.
"I heard him telling Mom and Dad that a bronc rolled on his roping wrist and crushed eight bones to dust. He can't compete anymore."
Jake's eyes became unfocused, and he turned away from Quinn without even saying a word.
"Hey, Jake –" Quinn whispered loudly, reaching out to stop him. But Jake shrugged him off and walked back out of the barn.
It was cold outside, but Jake needed a place to be alone. He figured that Quinn would probably tell everyone that he was acting weird. After all, why would this news upset him so much? No one would understand.
Jake, for lack of better places, went to sit in the truck. With a trembling sigh, he restrained himself from losing control. Quinn's words terrified him. They brought out a feeling that he had never wanted to feel – the feeling of one of his worst fears becoming reality. Even though Jake knew that Kit staying was a possibility, hearing the exact words was like opening a fresh wound and pouring salt in it.
A bronc rolled on his roping wrist and crushed eight bones to dust. He can't compete anymore.
Just the other day, when Mom made all the brothers decorate the Christmas tree with old ornaments, Jake had almost thought everything would be okay. They all laughed and there was no tension in the air. Being in that room, hanging up ornaments they had once made, and looking around at pictures from over the years, memories resurfaced that Jake hadn't thought about for years.
Now that he was back, it had Jake wondering if Kit had ever really been as great as he'd always thought. Sometimes it seemed like Kit was purposely trying to goad him; he would show off, tell his stories, or issue his 'challenges' almost daily.
For the past couple of days, Jake still hadn't been happy with his brother, but he'd started to feel better about the situation. Kit began to talk about the rodeo more frequently than when he'd first arrived. Jake could still hear how much Kit loved it but the way he spoke about it.
But Quinn's words had crushed his hope. He wanted to just ask Kit what his plans were. But Jake wasn't entirely sure if Kit knew what he wanted to do yet. Jake was also embarrassed to ask. It almost seemed childish to him; the little brother getting defensive over something that might not even be his anymore.
Jake was brought out of his mild panic attack when he saw Mom rushing out of the house toward her car. She had been hurrying home from school every day since Kit got back, to decorate, bake, and spend time with him.
She gave Jake a weird look as she grabbed a bag out of her car.
"Are you going somewhere?" She yelled.
Jake shook his head and got out.
Mom waited a second to see if he would offer explanation, and when he didn't, she started talking again.
"Samantha will be over shortly. She's going to interview Kit for the newspaper!"
Jake had to look away from his Mom's happy face. It was hard to be the only person in the family that wasn't happy. In fact, Jake was miserable.
"She – she's asking him questions about rodeo?"
Mom looked surprised at his sudden anger.
"Yes. What else would she ask him about? Hardly anyone from that high school has ever done something with their life like Kit. Everyone's interested in hearing his story."
Jake nodded, even though he was becoming angrier by the second.
"I'm going to finish helping Nate and Quinn with the chores."
He walked away before he could either upset Mom or make her mad too.
When he got back to the barn, Quinn was telling Nate what he'd just told Jake.
"Why didn't he just tell all of us? What's he gonna do now?" Nate asked.
Jake ignored them and started feeding the horses.
Sam had picked a bad day to decide to interview Kit. The day he finds out Kit really can't go back, Sam joins in on his fan group. To Jake's teenage mind, the interview itself also annoyed him. Kit will probably pretend like he's going back to the rodeo. He'll lie and hang on to what admiration people will give him for his accomplishments while he still can.
Jake wanted more than anything for someone to just push him, fight with him, and challenge him - anything. He wanted to have justification for the way he was feeling. Jake wanted Kit to just admit that he was coming back. He was tired of worrying, and Jake knew that the minute he knew his life plan of running Three Ponies was gone, he could move on with his life and figure something else out.
But his family was torturing him. Kit was purposely being silent over the entire situation, and his family wasn't much better. They knew Jake's plans. They knew how much he'd worked for it – he was even going to college to better himself for the position. And yet none of them were concerned or had even thought of the problems it might cause for him if Kit stayed – instead, they were giving all their attention to Kit.
By the time he saw Sam riding into the ranch yard with Ace, Jake was slightly more composed. His feelings were like the calm before a storm. Any little push would send them into a whirlwind and he wasn't sure what he'd end up doing.
"Don't be surprised if it looks like the North Pole in there."
The decorations were borderline ridiculous. Mom had spent hours hanging bows, garland, lights, and candy canes. It almost looked like a Christmas store.
"You go on into Santa's workshop and do your interview."
Sam looked at him weird. Jake knew he'd regret insulting her later, but for now, her look of hurt almost made him feel better.
Jake led Ace into the barn, and then walked back out when he heard Nate yell in frustration.
His brother was on the ground, grumbling as Digger jogged away.
"Don't know what his problem is," he said as he got up.
Jake and Nate got Digger back in his place, and shuffled towards the house. Even though he should have been used to it, he still squinted when he entered the house; all of the decorations were just so flashy.
Kit gave Nate advice that none of them really needed, and so Jake focused on the cookies Mom had lying on the counter.
"Smells good, Mom."
Jake found himself staring at Kit's arm, studying it with new light now that he knew what exactly lay underneath that cast. Eight bones crushed to dust.
He reached for a cookie. Mom pulled the plate away from his hands, not even seeing him, and handed it to Kit.
Jake knew there were plenty of cookies still lying around, and Mom hadn't purposely snapped it out of his reach, but it still felt like a slap in the face.
"You comin', Baby Bear?" Kit asked. How nice of him to invite Jake to listen to his interview.
Jake shook his head. He didn't think he could listen without going crazy.
When Kit and Sam were gone, Nate grumbled over which cookies to eat, and Mom alternated between wrapping them up and putting more in the oven.
Jake sat in silence, wondering how his day could get worse.
Mom put the last batch of cookies in the oven, and looked at her two sons nervously.
"Do you think Sam would mind if we listened in?"
It didn't really matter what Jake had to say about it. They all were sitting in the living room, listening to Kit's rodeo tales (again), within minutes.
Everyone was enraptured once more. Sam sat with her notebook in her lap, not really taking notes. Even Mom refrained from asking any questions and interrupting Kit.
Jake listened.
"Well, Samantha, I've been pretty fortunate."
"After this heals, I see myself back at the chutes, helping Pani tie on his riggin', havin' him give me a high five, even after I beat him out in the arena."
"You kinda make your own neighborhood, then you haul it around with you from state to state, rodeo to rodeo, like a snail with its shell."
"You just gotta take it as it comes."
Jake shifted. How could anyone buy this crap? Jake knew for certain that Kit was lying about being out in the chutes with his friend.
Jake wondered if Kit had always been like this, and he had just never realized it. Had Kit always told ridiculous stories and talked with a slow drawl to gain attention? Had he always lied?
"I'm proud of you," Mom said.
There it was. The words Kit had probably been waiting for this entire time. Jake felt childish to feel bitter about them; after all, Kit's accomplishments were noteworthy.
Sam shook Kit's hand and said her goodbyes.
Jake's blood was boiling, and he needed to get out of the room. When he saw Sam giving him side looks, he took his opportunity. He could hear the short, choppy steps of his own boots as raced after her.
"I forgot how much I hate it when he plays people."
Hateful words that he'd been dying to let out suddenly exploded from him.
"What?"
Her confusion made it better. With his words of anger, he would get anger right back from her. If he talked to her in a civilized manner, he'd only get sympathy. Jake didn't want sympathy. He just wanted someone to understand.
"Reeling folks in, like he did just now. Like he did tellin' you about Sitting Bull."
Sam looked incredulous.
"You can do the same thing. When you told me about the three Indian ponies your ranch is named for and the star shower –"
"I don't use that smile to make people go gooey-eyed."
Jake's anger intensified when he saw the look on her face. She clearly wanted to roll her eyes at him and leave.
"You guys will work it out." Maybe she didn't understand Jake's worry after all.
She paused.
"Jake, that's real smile." Why? Why was she doing this? She was supposed to get mad at him and then figure out why he was mad in the first place, and then talk it out with him. Instead, she stood up for Kit. She didn't even know him.
"And you'd know that, better 'n me, after spending how much time with him?"
Sam knew Jake and she should have realized what was happening. She should be taking his side right now, when he felt like he needed it the most. Out of everyone he cared about, she was the last one who hadn't completely doted over Kit – and now she was.
"Don't point your finger at me."
"Hold your voice down."
Jake knew his 'adult' side that Sam hated was coming out. But he couldn't help it. She just wasn't listening like she should have been. Jake couldn't bring himself to tell her what was really wrong – if she would just stop defending Kit, maybe she would see sense.
"What did he have to gain?" She practically shouted.
"This – you standing up for him."
"A twentysomething-year-old man doesn't care if a high school sophomore takes his side against his brother!"
Her words made him feel stupid. This whole thing was stupid. Jake took a deep breath. He saw Sam look at him hesitantly; he thought she might have figured out what was really happening for just a second.
But Mom opened the door and called them inside.
Sam gave him a pitying look, and Jake knew that he wasn't going to find help or comfort from her.
Even Linc Slocum's arrest wasn't enough to distract Jake from his problems. It distracted his family though, and so Jake was able to go to his room without anyone talking to him.
Thinking logically, Jake knew he was overreacting. He knew that no one else saw this as a big deal – but that's just what the problem was. This was his whole life. He'd spent years planning for this, and just when he finally almost got it, Kit comes home and everything is at risk. Everyone else was just laughing with Kit, and going along with coddling him, and smiling those ridiculous smiles when Kit told his stories.
It was a horrible feeling to have no one in your life understand why you're falling apart. Mom had always known when Jake was upset. Even Dad had always known. At one point Kit had always known – and Jake suspected Kit did know why Jake was upset right now, but all he was doing was trying to make it worse for some reason.
Sam had to know Kit was bothering him, especially because he'd pretty much just told her that he hated his brother at the moment. They'd been friends for most of their lives; Jake would do anything to make sure her heart wasn't broken. If this were happening to her, he'd stand right by her side – he definitely wouldn't stand in front of her and tell her she was wrong and a practical stranger was in the right. He'd spent years putting up with her schemes, most of which he didn't agree with. Couldn't she have just stood by him too?
Jake felt tempted to set up the Shoshone meditation technique Dad had told him about when he'd been worried about Star and the race. But Jake honestly didn't think he could analyze the situation any more than he already had. There would be no peace for him unless Kit left.
He fell into a restless sleep.
The next day, he was glad to go to school. It would give him a distraction. Everyone would probably be talking about Slocum or their plans for Christmas.
He was right. Jake hardly thought of his troubles. He focused on taking a couple of last minute quizzes before Christmas break and laughing with his friends.
At the end of the day, when he walked back to his truck, Jake was almost his normal self.
He felt a snowball hit him directly in the back. Smiling and forming his own snowball, he turned around ready to have a playful fight with one of his buddies.
Instead, Sam was standing there.
"Hey, all I want's a friendly little snowball fight!" She yelled.
But something about her face, and that smile that she wore, made him uneasy again. He thought about her pitying looks last night, about her shoving her finger in his face, telling him that Kit was a great guy.
She opened her arms out wide, giving him a chance to hit her right in the chest. Unfortunately, that's exactly what Jake intended to do.
"Your friend ain't here no more."
He moved robotically into his truck and drove away. He didn't look at her face. He didn't want to. Her silence told him enough.
In that moment, Jake should have felt horrible. But he didn't. It must have been cathartic to him to let loose and hurt someone like he was hurting. As far as he was concerned, he voiced the words she'd practically said by her actions last night. She hadn't been his friend.
As the days dragged on after that though, Jake realized his words to Sam hadn't been appropriate. After spending years trying to protect her, in the end it had been him that hurt her.
Jake also found that his words hadn't made anything better. His family was still ignorant to his suffering, and Kit was still in all his glory.
A couple of days before Christmas, Jake finally decided that he needed to sit down and face the facts. He needed to stop acting like the teenager he didn't want to be, and start acting like the adult he thought he was.
Jake locked the door to the sun porch and sat out four sticks in a square, facing each direction - north, east, south, and west – and sat in the middle.
He shivered at first, because it was a little chilly. After a couple of minutes though, he felt his heart rate lowering and his face relaxing. His forehead ached, which made him realize he'd probably been scrunching it up with all his worrying.
There was something about opening yourself up to your most vulnerable thoughts, the thoughts you feared the most, and forcing yourself to face them, that felt liberating. Jake forced himself to relax. He forced himself to not panic as he thought of the worst possible scenarios.
Kit could decide to run Three Ponies. His parents could let him. Jake would have to find something else to do with his life.
That wouldn't be as horrible as he'd been acting like it was, would it? Jake was good at other things; he could run faster than most in the state, and he could track better than the majority. He could find a job somewhere else. He could go to college for something different.
He would just have to give up his dream.
And that, really, was what made Jake so mad. Kit had lived his dream – he'd gone off against everyone's wishes, and been successful enough that eventually, everyone back home started praising him for it. Kit had gotten everything he wanted. And now that he had, and it was over, he was coming back. He was coming back, and in the process destroying Jake's dream. And no one even cared.
It wasn't fair.
By forcing himself to think of the worst-case scenario, without letting himself get angry over it, it made Jake accept the inevitable. Life was going to go on regardless of Kit's decision.
You just gotta take it as it comes.
Kit's words, which at the time had annoyed Jake, suddenly made perfect sense to him.
Jake decided that no matter what happened, he needed to act the like cowboy he was. Cowboys didn't throw temper tantrums the way he had been. No wonder his family had ignored him. You didn't encourage a horse when it was acting out.
Jake grabbed the sticks as he got up. He felt like a weight had been lifted off of him. He could breathe again.
When the phone rang an hour later, he gained the opportunity to make right the last of his wrongs.
"Jake?"
Her voice was scared. But she sounded relieved to hear him. She didn't sound mad, or cold. She sounded like his best friend.
"What's wrong?"
"Brynna's in labor and it's just the two of us here."
A day later, Jake felt like he'd had the most challenging 24 hours of his life. They'd fought to get to River Bend in the cold snow, and then he'd seen a newborn baby, which he'd never witnessed before. And then, just to test his heart, Sam had almost gotten buried under tons of snow and had to climb up a cliff to save herself.
But just as important, he'd gotten to say the words he needed to say.
"I'm sorry."
Sam had acted like he was being ridiculous, but he knew the words meant a lot to her.
It had felt good to finally be able to put his worries into words as he explained to her why he'd been on a downward spiral. She'd listened, and just as he'd expected, told him his actions were awful, as she had before.
It made him realize that she had been trying to help him the entire time – that he was the one who had needed to see sense the entire time, and she'd only been trying to tell him that.
It wasn't like anyone in his family was deliberately trying to ruin his life. Life was just happening, and when it seemed like it wasn't going in Jake's favor, he'd thrown a colossal fit.
When Jake and Mom were finally able to return home, he spent most of his day sleeping. He was both physically and emotionally exhausted.
He woke up to an almost empty house. Mom was sitting in the kitchen, trying to grade book reports.
"What's going on?"
Mom looked up and sighed heavily.
"Your father and brothers went to help the Sheriff clean up the roads and answer any distress calls."
Jake looked out the window incredulously.
"And no one woke me?"
Mom gave him a stern look. "Jacob, you've been out there long enough already. They have it covered, don't worry."
Jake rolled his eyes. "Did they feed the horses for the night?"
Mom shook her head. "No, but Kit is out there right now, I think."
Jake bundled back up and followed the path someone had dug in the snow that lead straight to the barn.
Gal and Singer were in the barn, huddled next to each other. Jake patted them both.
He heard the sound of Kit forking straw into a stall.
"You need help?" Jake asked.
Kit looked up, and when he smiled, Jake smiled back genuinely.
"Nah. Almost finished."
Jake turned away and walked up and down the barn, peaking in the stalls to make sure everything was in order.
"You feel useless too?" Kit asked.
Jake nodded. "They could have woken me up."
Kit snorted. "I was awake. They just wouldn't let me go."
There was a pause. The silence, for once, wasn't tense or awkward.
"Heard they named him Cody. Mom was thrilled that she got to help, wasn't she?"
Jake smiled, remembering how happy Mom had been to talk about diapers and babies again. She probably missed it a little, since all of her boys were grown.
"Yeah. You think she misses it?"
Kit laughed. "You kiddin'? She had to put up with six of us."
This time, when they retreated into silence, it was awkward for Jake. He felt like he needed to apologize to Kit, but he didn't know exactly how much of his tangent Kit knew about.
"Talked to one of my friends today."
Kit abruptly spoke. He pushed his hat down further over his eyes and refused to look at Jake.
"He has a ranch down in Hawaii. I'm gonna be his foreman."
Jake blinked in surprise. He tried to think of something to say.
"Hawaii?"
Kit chuckled. "New territory. Never been there. I'm the wandering type, you know?
Jake did know, but Kit's words were so unbelievable that he was speechless.
"Suppose you heard about my arm?" Kit asked.
Jake nodded. Kit was really leaving again . . .
Kit let silence settle between them once more before letting out a big sigh.
"I was gonna stay. I know you were a little upset about it."
Jake blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. He opened his mouth to apologize.
Kit wasn't one for apologies though. He held his hand up to stop Jake.
"I was gonna stay," Kit repeated, "but I'm not needed here. Pani needs me. You've got this, Baby Bear."
Jake's heart was beating fast. After a couple moments, he was able to form coherent sentences.
"It wasn't you that I was upset with," Jake said. Kit raised his eyebrows and gave Jake a look.
Jake chuckled. "Okay, maybe it was. But the point of it all was more of what you'd be taking away from me if you stayed. I've never wanted to do anything else but this."
Kit nodded. "I know. It wouldn't have been fair to you. But don't worry about it, Jake. I'm definitely going."
Jake felt like a child again at Kit's words. The entire time his brother had been home, he'd either avoided him or glared at him. He hadn't spent any genuine time with him like the rest of the family. Now that Jake wasn't concentrating on trying to hate his brother, he would miss him.
"You probably won't be able to visit much, huh?" Jake asked.
Kit kicked a stall door lightly with the toe of his boot and shrugged. "Probably not. Hawaii's pretty far away."
Jake was talking before he could stop himself. "You can stay. If it's what you really want, it's okay. We can figure something out."
Kit smiled and put his hand on Jake's shoulder.
"I really can't stay. But your words mean the world, Baby Bear."
When they went back inside, smiling and joking, Mom looked at them weirdly and Jake knew she'd probably have questions later.
When the whole family finally got home, they all sat down for dinner. For the first time since Kit arrived, Jake was able to join in on their laughter and he actually didn't even mind at all if Kit happened to bring up the rodeo, or a story to go along with it.
Jake's entire life was falling together instead of falling apart now. Although he was still unsure himself of exactly what he'd meant by grabbing Sam's hand at the bonfire, he definitely didn't feel bad about it.
His peaceful feelings were unchanged until the day Kit, out of the blue, announced his departure.
Mom begged him to stay a little longer, but he refused.
Dad would drive him to the airport, where he would take a one-way trip to his new home in Hawaii.
Just like when he'd arrived, all the brothers patted him on the back and hugged him.
Jake stood behind them all, feeling once again overwhelmed by conflicting feelings.
Kit gave him a tired smile when he saw Jake standing there stoically once more.
"Baby Bear."
Jake looked up into his brother's aged face. It held no judgment, or hate, or regret.
And when Jake smiled back at him, he knew his face didn't either.
AN: I want to give one last thank you to everyone. Your words have been so kind. So, THANK YOU! :)
~AutumnBelle