Chapter Eight
Pairing: W/T – I'll get us there eventually.
Rating: PG with a side of angst
Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, people that didn't love them as much do. I'm not making any kind of profit; this is simply for my own amusement – and hopefully the people reading it. This is completely AU, and there may be some dialogue stealing on my part here and there. It's my sandbox and I'll play with them how I wanna, then maybe I'll give 'em back.
Feedback: Please and thank you
Author's Note: I apologize for the long wait folks. RL stepped in, in a major way. I'll try to keep posts to twice a month, and when that has to change – and it will temporarily – I'll let you know. As always thanks for reading and if you see anything glaringly wrong pm and I'll fix it as I'm not using a beta for this.
All I want for Christmas is…
We pulled up in front of a two story Sacramento Bungalow style house; the walkway shoveled clean leading to a few steps and onto a porch facing a cheery red door with a wreath hung on it. The last of the day light had faded away during our short ride, and as we sat gorgeous Christmas lights around the house lit up. I watched Tara smile at the lights shining merrily before she gave my hand a quick squeeze, and then she started to remove her seat belt.
I turned my truck off, and sat for a moment after Tara had gotten out, making her way gracefully up the walk. I wasn't sure exactly what had happened during the drive, but it felt like something had. No more words had been spoken, but "something" was pinging through me in a way I hadn't felt in a very long time. Tara turned around when she reached the door realizing I hadn't followed her and waved to get my attention. The movement pulled me from my musings, so I quickly hopped out and scurried up the sidewalk. As I hit the first step I slipped on a patch of ice. My arms windmilled wildly as I tried desperately to regain my balance and over compensated.
Needless to say "grace" is not one of my strong suits.
I landed on my ass with a thud and groan. I sat there on the cold cement while the pain ricocheted up my spine, my eyes squeezed shut tight. Tara was right by my side; hand on my arm, to help me. With a few deep breaths, and Tara's help I slowly got to my knees; both my ass and my pride equally wounded. I looked bashfully into her face, and found her biting her lower lip. I could tell she was in equally concerned and trying not to laugh.
"I'm so glad my pain amuses you, missy," I said as I stood bending forward at the waist slightly holding my sore derrière with both hands. I knew it was kind of funny, and I'm sure it was until I actually landed, even if the pain was at my own expense. "Go ahead and laugh, I know you want to. I would." I said with as much of a shrug as I could manage while rubbing my rear end gingerly with my hands.
"Are you okay, Will?" she asked, the mirth in her eyes making them dance.
"I am embarrassed on so many levels at this moment, but I'll be fine, thank you," I said trying to muster some shred of any dignity I had left as I stood up straight while making faces – that's what finally made her laugh.
Her laugh… I instantly loved the sound. It was joyful and honest. I continued to make faces and various funny groans trying to keep her laughing – I couldn't seem to help myself.
She quickly let us into the house, and then put our coats in a closet left of a staircase, before she helped me limp over to one of two warm chocolate brown sofas. With a sweet smile and the offer of a hot drink, Tara disappeared, leaving me momentarily to my own devices. The sofa I had sunk cautiously back into faced a television while its mate faced the wall and a fireplace.
As warmth took the chill off, of course my nose started to run. Fortunately, there was a box of tissues on one of the end tables, so I snagged a few and blew my nose. After my performance on the front steps, I didn't want to add "snot-nosed" along with "klutz" as one more great feature on my list of ever growing appealing qualities. Vaguely, in the back of my mind I wasn't sure why I cared so much what Tara thought of me, and why I wanted to make a good impression on her, but there it was none the less.
The smell of cooking food began to waft in to me, as I looked around the living room. I noticed pictures hung on the wall, and above a fireplace that dominated one complete wall. They were all family pictures. I could see pictures of younger incarnations of Tara, Joyce and Buffy. One in particular of a younger Joyce with her arm around another woman whose hair was a shade of dirty blonde that could be light brown or blonde depending on the light, both of them mugging for the camera.
The woman looked suspiciously like an older version of Tara. A sweet capture of the woman, a young Tara, a slightly older boy with dark strawberry blonde hair all lying under the shade of a tree sleeping. One child laid in each of her arms that were wrapped protectively around them as they slept. Another picture of an older incarnation of Tara and same young man now dressed in a cap and gown; Tara's arms around one of his affectionately. All three shared the same captivating blue eyes that Robby had.
One photo spoke to me though. It was of Tara feeding an infant in a rocking chair, rays of sunlight pouring in over her shoulders making her glow angelically as she held the bottle, and a gentle smile on her face. More pictures of the infant in Tara's arms that I assumed to be Robby and of a toddler taking wobbly steps to Joyce crouched down with arms open wearing a glorious smile.
I also noticed that at some point the young man and the woman I had dubbed – at least to myself – "Tara's Mom", had stopped showing up. The pictures of Joyce, Buffy, Tara and Robby grew more plentiful and they moved off the mantle to stream down onto a bookshelf that faced me as I sat in the living room.
I sat quietly trying to piece together this little family, when I in a flurry of sliding socks and blonde hair, Robby careened onto the couch breathlessly. He had an armful of video games and was smiling as he dropped them into my lap. I grinned right back and reach out to pull him closer to me.
"So what have we got here, buddy?" I asked.
Getting up on his knees next to me he began to show me Sonic the Hedgehog, Zak Zero, Journey, Sly 2 and of course Centipede along with seven or eight others. He reeled off bits about each of the games and which ones he liked best. We were just about to decide on one, when Tara came in and handed me a mug of hot coffee.
"I took a guess as to how you like your coffee, but if I was wrong tell me," she said.
I took a taste, and it was perfect, without thinking I said, "Nope, you got it spot on. Sweet and creamy, just like I like my wo…" I stopped myself as I turned beet red and looked quickly over at Robby, who was now setting up his game console and had missed the whole thing. "Coffee, it's just how I like my coffee." I said as I glanced briefly up at Tara who was smirking.
"Mmmhmm," she murmured looking at me, eyebrow quirked. "Supper will be ready soon, I hope you're… hungry."
"Uh, yeah…starving," I held her eyes this time, and for some reason it seemed like everything coming out of my mouth was just…bad – our banter had somehow gotten suggestive, laced with innuendo and flirty but I knew – knew she was flirting back. The words weren't inherently bad in and of themselves, and I didn't know if I was reading more into things or not. I had only just met her, so maybe I was the one with a dirty mind, and maybe doing just a little bit of wishful thinking.
"I bet," Tara said looking quite smug, gazing back at me even though she spoke to Robby. "Don't get too caught up little man, we'll be eating soon, okay?"
Robby looked up with a smile. "Okay, Tante, can we play one game?"
"I think you have time," she said indulgently.
I finally gathered some of my wits and asked, "Uh, is there anything I can help with? Robby and I could play later if you would like some help."
With her eyes twinkling mischievously, Tara looked over at me. "No, you can stay here and play with Robby. Work on that appetite, and you know, loosen up your hands."
I tried not to spit out the coffee I had in my mouth. Now I was pretty sure it wasn't just me and my gutterbrain. I had thought maybe there was still a chance I was taking things the wrong way. Then I heard her laugh as she went down the hall; I grinned – it wasn't just me after all.
"Aw, no way man!" Robby yelled and started swatting at my controller.
"No fair!" I cackled rolling onto my side off the throw pillow I was sitting on and out of his reach, as I moved Sonic through the level to collect another series of rings. "You're cheating!" I laughed.
Buffy walked in and cleared her throat. I looked up at her as Robby succeeded in wrestling my controller away. Buffy smiled down at us both, and rested her hands on her hips.
"Guess I should've warned you he cheats," she said.
"So I see," I said and rolled back tickling him to take back my controller. "Two can play that game!"
Robby laughed as I tickled him and tried to squirm away slipping on the hardwood floor. "Nooo!" I grabbed his foot, and wrapped my arm around his ankle holding his foot in place and tickling it mercilessly. "Aunt Buffy help!" he squealed.
"Supper's ready, guys. That's all the help you get, little man. Go wash your hands," Buffy told us, watching us with a smile.
I let Robby's foot go, and as he scrabbled on the floor I slid him on his stomach around me so he faced towards the hall. He giggled the whole time and so did I; Robby was a good kid and I genuinely liked him, so playing with him was always a pleasure. Going to home with them was a new facet to the relationship I had built with both him and Buffy, but I was enjoying myself. The flirting that had happened with Tara wasn't hurting things either.
Robby hopped up and went sliding down the hall, his laughter bouncing off the walls. I still sat on the floor, smiling myself as I looked up at Buffy. She offered me a hand to get up that I gratefully took. Pushing my hair away from my face, she looked down at my feet. Following her line of sight I did too, while sitting on the floor with Robby I had taken off my work boots to be more comfortable.
"Nice socks, Will," Buffy snorted.
"What's wrong with my socks?" I asked defensively. "They're great, and they make me happy." I said wiggling my toes; both socks were black one had multi-colors stars on them and the other multi-colored dots.
"But don't socks usually match?"
"Well normally, but these don't. When you buy them, they come in sets of three each different. I got stars, stripes and dots." I grinned and wiggled my toes again.
"You're kidding me," Buffy said suspiciously.
"Nope, I got them at Disney World. I did buy another set, so I guess I could match them up but where's the fun in that?" I asked.
Buffy shook her head and giggled. She led me down a short hallway, and I could hear Tara and Joyce along with Robby's giggles as we got closer to the dining room. I could hear glasses and silverware clinking. I pointed off to a bathroom as we passed it.
"Let me wash my hands too, and I'll be right in," I said.
Buffy nodded. "The dining room is just down to your right, can't miss it."
"Gotcha," I replied slipping through the door.
When I turned on the light and looked in the mirror I was absolutely horrified by what I saw. My hair was sticking up in several places from where Robby and I had been wrestling around on the floor, and my face was flushed. Turning on the faucet, I quickly splashed cold water against my cheeks in an effort to try to cool them down. Then I went after my hair, I couldn't believe Buffy hadn't said anything hair and commented on my socks. If I hadn't wanted to wash my hands I would have gone to supper looking like a nut case.
After taking care of my hair among other things, I emerged from the bathroom and headed down the hall. I could easily have followed the scent of food even if Buffy hadn't told me where to go. When I came in Robby was already seated, and Buffy and Tara were coming in with steaming dishes of food. A bowl of green beans were already on the table along with what looked like a cheese sauce; I could tell there was something else in it just not what. Buffy had mashed potatoes and Tara was carrying a platter with friend chicken on it.
The wonderful smells hit my nose as I stood in the entrance, and of course my stomach let out the mother of all rumbles just as Joyce followed the girls in with glasses. Well there went my hopes of not being red in the face when I came to the dinner table; Robby began giggling behind a hand while I blushed profusely. I shoved my hands nervously in my pockets wishing I could just sink into the floor.
"Sounds like someone brought an appetite," Joyce said teasingly.
I'm pretty sure even the tips of my ears didn't escape the blush at that point, and I was wondering how quickly I could grab my shoes and get out the door and just how rude would that be. Buffy came to my rescue – sort of.
"Well, I've had lunch with our littler welder over there, and I've seen her eat. You'd think she hasn't eaten in a week, and that's on a daily basis." Buffy said with a wink.
"Gee, thanks Buff," I muttered.
"I'm here for ya, Will." Buffy smirked.
"You can sit next to Robby, Willow," Joyce said. "What would you like to drink? We have soda, milk, juice…"
"Umm, soda would be good," I said still feeling embarrassed.
"I'll be right back, dear," Joyce replied as she moved back into the kitchen.
Tara sat opposite me, Buffy across from Robby and Joyce at the head of the table once we all sat down. This suited me fine, because then I could steal glances at Tara while we ate. Robby handed Joyce his plate and she quickly put a spoonful from all of the bowls and a drumstick on it for him. The dishes had already started to move around the table, making their way back to her.
I was staring into the bowl of what looked like cheese sauce and wasn't sure what to do with it. It seemed a little out of place with everything else on the table. No one was using it to cover the mashed potatoes or the green beans, but everyone had some, so I was a bit at a loss. I looked up, and Tara was watching me as I started to pass the bowl off to Joyce.
"Nope, you get some too," Tara said chuckling.
I cleared my throat, and asked as politely as I could. "Uh, what is it?"
"Broccoli in a double cheese sauce, it's the only way the little man will eat it," Tara answered.
"Oh," I said and took a small spoonful before passing the bowl over to Joyce. Then I leaned over to Robby conspiratorially and whispered loudly, "I'm with you, buddy. If you've got to eat the little green trees at least hide them in something good."
Robby smiled, nodding. "The cheese makes them taste better, then I don't have to see them either."
"Good plan," I nodded sagely, giving him a wink.
Everyone had started to eat, and Robby and I looked at each other then scooped some of the broccoli and cheese up and took a mouthful. We chewed quickly and made faces at each other as we hurriedly ate that first, then started on our green beans, working our way around our plates.
"You're as bad as he is, Willow," Tara commented.
I looked over and almost all of his mashed potatoes were gone too. Now he was alternating between bites of his drumstick and the potatoes. I had heard from Buffy how hard it was to get him to eat sometimes no matter what was cooked, or what they tried to use to entice him to eat. To say he was a "picky" eater was being nice. For a bright little boy he had a few issues, I didn't know what caused them, but I wanted to help.
I looked her in the eye and replied smugly. "May be, but he's eaten almost everything on his plate."
I saw her eyes flicker over to his plate as he asked Joyce for more potatoes and the other drumstick. Buffy smirked behind her fork and Joyce was smiling too.
"You want more, Willow?" Robby asked as he bit into his second drumstick.
"Sure, buddy. What piece should I have?" I asked smiling at the little boy, then taking the breast he pointed out for me. "That's my favorite piece too, thanks."
From the corner of my eye I noticed that Tara rested her chin on her hand watching Robby and I intently while we ate and talked. With a shake of her head, she went back to eating her own dinner. There were stolen glances with Tara, along with the polite adult conversation around the table as well during the meal, but it felt like she was trying to read my... intent maybe? I explained in a little more detail what I did at the gallery. I even went so far as to mention two pieces of art that had been well received recently at a showing that I had helped with proudly.
As the meal wound down, Robby started to slump back in his chair and rub his tummy. I watched him for a moment then leaned over and whispered in his ear. He smiled, nodded his head then excused himself from the table to disappear up stairs.
The other women around the table were looking at me curiously, obviously wondering what I had said to Robby. I blushed again before wiping my mouth and clearing my throat. I looked around the table, and spoke softly in case Robby had come back down.
"Umm, I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds, but Buffy and I talk about Robby all the time. He's a great little boy, and I love spending time with him. So I know a little bit about him, you know, getting him to eat, and some of his other problems. I just promised him if he brushed his teeth and got his pajamas on I'd play one more game with him before I went home. I'm just trying to help, really," I said holding my breath.
All three looked at each other, Joyce and Buffy just shrugged, noncommittally, but Tara narrowed her eyes suspiciously at me.
"What's in it for you?" she asked all traces the humor we had shared earlier was gone from her voice.
"Huh?" I asked dumbly.
"What do you get out of it, Willow?" she asked again.
"Um… nothing," I replied softly, as I held her gaze.
"Tara, I've seen Will with Robby, she's great with him. He likes her, and he trusts her," Buffy commented on my behalf.
"Everybody wants something, Willow," Tara said shooting a pointed look at Buffy as she rose, taking her plate and one of the bowls from the table.
I looked at Buffy and Joyce, and knew immediately I had overstepped myself. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, it wasn't my place. I'm so sorry. I just knew it was going to be his bedtime soon, and he and I had been having such a good time this evening, so I thought if I could help… I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have… I wo-won't do it again, I swear."
Joyce finally spoke. "You'll have to forgive Tara; she's very… protective when it comes to Robby. We all are, but Willow, I agree with Buffy. I know you only meant well, and I've watched you with Robby. Just give Tara time to catch up and see what we see, okay?"
I nodded and swallowed hard. All of a sudden I felt like I was going to cry, I knew I had mucked things up royally. I had to figure out how to fix it, how to fix things with Tara. I wanted fun, flirty Tara back. The evening had started off so well only to go screamingly down in flames. Tara came back in, collecting Robby's empty plate and glass without so as much a glance at me.
I sighed heavily, and put my head in my hands.
Robby came sliding back in on his socks dressed in blue pajama's with rockets on them. I lifted my head to smile brightly at him. I didn't want the little boy to know anything was wrong, or to think he had somehow done something wrong by going along with my suggestions. This was all my doing; it was my fault, not his.
We went sliding on our socks back up the hallway and back to the video game console for more rounds of Sonic. Buffy and Joyce joined us, we chatted while Robby and I played. After forty-five minutes of conversation and watching us play, Joyce said her good nights and went upstairs. Buffy joined in the game and the three of us played for maybe a half hour or so more.
Buffy and I chatted while we played, and I was taking my turn when Robby rolled over and laid his head in my lap. I bit my lip and looked at Buffy. I didn't know what to do, and at this point I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. If Tara saw, I wasn't sure what her reaction would be. Buffy just smiled, covering him with a throw blanket and soon he was a sleep.
We had stopped playing, and having the well polished wood floors came in handy. I could slide Robby and I back against one of the sofa's so I could lean against it without waking him. Buffy and I sat talking and I asked Buffy what was her plan to help me find a place of my own.
"Oh, the plan is Tara. She works with the HUD homes program for the city," Buffy said.
"Aren't those low income houses, though? I'm not exactly low income," I replied, gently stroking Robby's head that was still resting in my lap.
"Not all the houses are low income, or in neighborhoods that are being revitalized," Tara answered as she came in the living room and sat on the sofa across from me. Her face was unreadable as she looked at Robby sleeping on me, and then continued, "Some are bank foreclosures or repossessions. Some are condos and towne houses, but they aren't listed with normal realtors because we deal with the government."
"Oh. I had no idea it covered that much," I said.
"There are requirements for the HUD homes, but the foreclosures and repossessions work a little differently. I can get some listings for you if you like." Tara's voice had softened and had less of the hard edge it had gotten at the end of dinner.
"Sure, that would be great. I think I've looked at everything else in town." I tried to smile.
"I can bring them home and give them to Buffy to give to you," Tara said as she nodded, but she still wouldn't look at me directly.
Standing she said, "I should take him upstairs."
My heart sank a little at hearing this – it was she obviously didn't want to see me. If she was going to just pass the list off to Buffy that would remove any further need for her to see me. Her words made me incredibly sad. I knew I had just met her, I knew I shouldn't be that upset by the prospect of not seeing her again, but I was. I thought something had begun between us, and now… well maybe things would be better this way.
Buffy jumped up, trying to help in her own way. "Nope, I got it. Take a load off, Tara; I'll be back in a bit."
"Subtle, Buff," I said softly.
Buffy winked at me as she gently lifted Robby from my lap. I couldn't help smiling at the little sleeping figure that had been such a whirlwind of energy just a few hours before. I eased up onto the sofa as my rear was still a bit tender, and all the sitting on the floor hadn't helped. Putting my hurt feelings aside I immediately grabbed for my boots and started to put them on. I thought it would just be best, not make things any more uncomfortable than they had to be.
"Willow…" Tara started softly.
I looked up at her – she finally looked at me – and held my hands up. "No, I get it, Tara, it's okay. I know you don't know me, and I made a mistake." I finished putting my boots on and started lacing them up. I could see Tara stand and start pacing a little from the corner of my eye.
Once they were laced up I got up and went to the closet to retrieve my coat, then I shrugged it on. I felt like a fool; I wanted out of the house and out from under Tara's gaze as quickly as I could without appearing to be completely rude. I got it, she kinda went all "momma bear" on me, and that was okay. I really did understand her point of view even if I didn't know the whole story. I didn't have to – Robby was hers and important to her – I would be protective of him too.
I had already moved towards the door when I Tara finally spoke again.
"Willow, stop."
I stood facing the door with my head down. I didn't want to make things worse, so I just stayed still. I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning me around. I still didn't look up; it just seemed like if I looked into her wonderful blue eyes again that would make it all the worse that I had messed things up.
"Willow, Robby's life hasn't been easy, and yes, I'm protective of my little guy. I have to be, I'm all the family he's got. I know there's a lot you don't know too, but my nephew means the world to me, and I just don't want to see him hurt. You're an adult and he's not, there are things he doesn't understand. Friends are hard for him, you know?" Tara said, her voice quiet but full of emotion.
"Tara, I get it – I do, and I know how this must have looked to you. But I met a little boy who needed a friend when I didn't even know I needed one too. We play together, we're goofy, and we have fun. We eat frozen custard together and play video games. I know he has some problems, and that I don't know the full extent, but that's okay too. I don't need to; I can see how special he is, and how well loved he is. I don't want anything pervy, or gross, and I don't expect anything from anyone for being his friend. I would never do anything to hurt Robby, and in the process of meeting him I've met Buffy and Joyce, who are really great too. That's all, Tara… that's all it is." I said in a rush.
I had been speaking to my shoes, and I finally looked up at her. Taking a deep breath, I nodded. "Good night, Tara. I'll get that listing from Buffy, thanks for that."
I turned on my heel, opened the door and walked out into the cold winter night. The knot in my stomach had morphed into a lump in my throat. I made my way carefully down the slippery steps this time, and by the time I reached my truck tears were rolling down my cheeks. I felt a sense of loss I didn't quite get, and I wasn't sure if it was over Robby or Tara.
I drove home that night with teary eyes and a heavy heart. When I got home I went directly to my room and crawled into bed. For the first time in a long time I felt almost as bad as I had when I got back from Las Vegas.
TBC…