Pairing: W/T
Angst Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, they're owned by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum. No money is involved this is simply for my own pleasure.
Feedback: I'll sing for you… just don't sue when I do, or ask if I'm supposed to be the fat lady.
Author's Notes: As you'll notice in this chapter, it gets heavy then things start to lighten up. So I hope everyone will enjoy the upswing. Italics are for emphasis, and as usual there is no beta so if you catch something pm me and I'll fix it.
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
"Hi, Willow," Tara said softly, her breath plumed out in front of her.
"What… what are you doing here? I mean, how did you even know where here was?" I asked as I leaned against the door.
A gust of cold night air ruffled Tara's hair, washing the scent of her perfume all over me, a light clean scent, but one that seemed to suit her. The cold air wasn't the only thing that took my breath away, and made me realize I was standing in pajamas in my doorway making us both freeze. I stepped backwards and waved Tara inside; I had to push the door hard against the gust of cold air that followed Tara in.
"Um, come in, have a seat. I was going to make some hot coco, would you like some?" I asked as I turned the volume down on the television.
"Sure, that would be great." Tara stood looking around the living room.
"Here, let me take your coat." I said leading her over to the sofa. "Sit down and snuggle under this, it's already warm." I wrapped the blanket I had been under over her lap and up to her shoulders.
Tara let me fuss over her, and when I looked up I could see her amusement. I let the blanket drop around her, blushing, and hurried off into the kitchen. I went through the familiar motions of making hot coco; easily moving around the kitchen as my mind wandered. To say I was surprised to see Tara would have been putting it mildly after our conversation the night before; my mind raced while I tried to figure out why Tara had shown up, and why she had gone to the trouble to find out where I live.
"You can change the channel if you want, Tara. I'll just be a few minutes longer," I called out as the milk started to simmer. Adding the coco powder, I stirred it in slowly along with a few dashes of cinnamon. The rich aroma of the warming chocolate and spice was soothing, as was the familiar motions.
Carefully I filled the mugs to almost full, and then pulled out a bag of marshmallows. I dropped two in each mug and waited for them to start to melt a little before I sprinkled them with a little more cinnamon – hot coco à la Willow. With a deep breath, and an extra marshmallow to munch on for courage, I moved carefully towards the living room with the steaming cups.
I stopped for a moment in the doorway to watch Tara. She was sitting quietly smiling at whatever was on the television, and had taken her shoes off and had the blankets wrapped around her feet. My head swam for a moment looking at her there; she looked so at ease and so…gorgeous. Like she belonged right where she was – wrapped up in my blanket and waiting just for me; my heart leapt at the crazy notion that she could be mine.
She turned to see me standing there and smiled; calmly I walked all the way in and offered her a mug. I sat opposite of her in a large recliner, curling my legs beneath me. At this point it was her show; she obviously took the time to find me, so I sipped my coco and waited patiently.
Tara hadn't changed the channel, and I knew she hadn't come over just to sit and watch old children's Christmas shows with me, so I was a bit surprised when that was exactly what we did. The one had I had been watching ended and was followed by another, and we sat for the next hour sipping our coco and watching "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer".
As the credits ran I turned to her – the waiting had been killing me – and I finally spoke. "Tara, it's not that I don't enjoy your company, it's quite enjoyable really, but why did you come here tonight? I don't think tales of my wonderful coco have reached you and now you just had to have some for yourself... Tara, you made yourself pretty clear last night that you weren't too pleased with me."
"That's just it, Willow. I want to apologize for the way I behaved last night. I should have shown a little more faith in Buffy and Joyce's discretion. You've even become Buffy's friend, and I treated you badly. That's not who I am," Tara spoke softly, still holding tightly to her empty mug.
"Okay, apology accepted," I replied readily as I stood up. "Would you like some more coco?"
Tara looked up at me with surprise written on her face for a moment before smiling, I don't think she thought it would that simple. Maybe she didn't think that I would be so willing to accept her apology, and under other circumstances with someone else maybe I wouldn't have been, but this was Tara. She was special, I knew that even then. Besides I wanted her in my life, plain and simple.
With a nod of her head she said, "I really like the cinnamon." She smiled shyly as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.
I was standing with my back against the counter waiting for more milk to warm, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Squeaking I jumped a little since I had started to kind of zone out; I blinked at Tara a few times before smiling.
"Hey," I said and looked over at the warming milk. "Coco will be ready in few minutes, are you okay?"
Smiling, Tara chuckled. "Yes, I am. Willow, I did come here for a reason tonight."
"I waskind of wondering about that. How did you even find me?" I asked.
"Umm, can I plead the fifth and answer that later?" Tara asked as she blushed.
I raised an eyebrow, my curiosity was really going into overdrive at her words, but I thought I'd leave it and hopefully use it as a bargaining chip for some other secret later, fair is fair after all. "I'll let it slide for now, but don't think I'll forget about it." I moved to the stove to finish making coco.
"Fair enough," She agreed. "Can I help?"
"Umm, hand me the cinnamon?" I asked turning slightly towards her, holding my hand out. She passed me the tin canister of cinnamon powder and our fingers touched. We froze gazing at one another, and that spark, that something passed between us again and both of us blushed. "Thanks." I said softly.
With fresh steaming mugs in our hands, I led us back into the living room. This time she sat at one end of the sofa and I at the other, so we could face one another. Blowing on my coco, I waited for Tara to speak. I watched her wrap long, graceful fingers around the porcelain mug and I began to imagine what fingers would feel like against mine, as she stared into her mug and I waited yet again that night.
"I guess I should start at the beginning," Tara sighed; she placed her coco on the coffee table and settled under her end of the blanket before picking up to continue.
"Yes, that's generally a good place," I said gently with a smile, and pulled my end of the blanket over my legs; settling in to listen.
"Robby is my nephew, he's my brother's son," Tara said softly, stopping to take a sip of coco. "I've raised Robby with Joyce and Buffy's help since he was a year old."
"Can I ask questions as we go?" I asked.
"Sure," Tara agreed. "I know I would have questions, and it's Robby's and my life."
"Okay, so where are your brother and Robby's mom?" I asked cautiously.
"I don't know where his mom, Sherri is. The last time I saw her was the day she dropped Robby off to spend the day with me so she could run errands. Obviously, she never came back for him," Tara said swirling her coco in her mug.
"Donny – that's my brother – he joined the Army after he graduated high school. Donny and Sherri had dated on and off during high school, they were a year ahead of me. They were "off" again when Donny left for boot camp, but when he came back on leave before he got his first post they got married. He got lucky; he was able to get stationed back here at Fort Carson. They had a little apartment on the south side of town near the base. It was cute – tiny – but they were newlyweds, you know?" Tara shrugged. "They had been married for a little over a year when Sherri got pregnant."
"That was a good thing, right? A happy thing?" I asked hopefully.
"It was… at first. Sherri seemed so happy; and it seemed like an easy pregnancy. She didn't have a lot of morning sickness, she and the baby both seemed healthy throughout. She even seemed to breeze through delivering him. Robby was a healthy baby, almost eight pounds." Tara reminisced.
"But?" I could hear the 'but' in her voice.
Tara nodded. "But Robby was what they call a "floppy baby". He was late to walk and talk; he rarely cried, and for a while we all thought he might even be deaf. This was hard on Sherri, harder than we all thought, I guess. The military doctors had no answers and couldn't tell her what was wrong with Robby. Sherri slowly stated to change," Tara's eyes grew sad, and her tone flat as she spoke. "Then she started disappearing. Donny would come home, she'd be gone and Robby would be there by himself."
"Oh no," I whispered.
Tara took a deep breath and continued. "I was in my senior year by then, and Donny asked if I would go to their place after school to check on Sherri and Robby – more to make sure Robby was okay if Sherri had vanished. This went on for months, I really don't know all of the details, but I do know Donny thought she was cheating on him. He never had any proof, though. It was like she vanished into thin air, and she never would explain where she had been either." Tara looked at me and I could see the pain in her eyes.
Taking a sip of her coco, she went on. "This continued until Donny got orders to go overseas on a remote tour of duty. I don't know how much you know about the military, but that meant he couldn't take Sherri and Robby, and he couldn't refuse. His orders were for eighteen months at Wiesbaden Army Base in Germany. Donny hadn't even been gone three weeks when Sherri left Robby with me…he's been with me ever since."
"But where's Donny, why didn't he come back after his tour of duty?" I asked as I set my empty mug aside.
With a sad smile Tara said softly, "He did come back, he's in Evergreen Cemetery."
"Oh… oh," I expected something bad – I mean he's nowhere to be seen and Robby has never mentioned his dad – but not that. "How?"
"Something simple, really," Tara drank the last of the cold coco in her cup. "Appendicitis of all things; it ruptured before it was removed, and it just snowballed from there. He never even left the hospital, Will, he never even left..." Tara slowly turned the mug in her hands.
We sat quietly, it seemed like it would be rude to interrupt immediately. All these questions sprung into my mind – 'Where's your parents, and why didn't they help? How did Buffy and Joyce get involved? What have you given up to do this? Are you happy? You were just a kid; did you ever consider maybe not doing it?' I knew they would simply have to wait. They weren't exactly the kinds of things you ask about immediately, things you kind of have to build up to because they are very personal. So I started with something easier and kind of an obvious question.
"I know you said Sherri just left Robby with you, but how have you managed to keep him? I mean the legalities of it all… especially with school, doctors and everything else," I asked.
"Donny, and the Army," Tara said.
"Uh, huh?" I was confused. "Elaborate please?"
Tara smiled genuinely. "The Army encourages anyone being shipped overseas to make a Living Will before they go as a precaution. Things were already so bad with Sherri; I was Donny's logical choice. I was given power of attorney and guardianship per Donny's wishes in his will," Tara said. "Sherri could have fought me, but didn't. Now, I've adopted Robby, so legally he's mine."
"Wow, this is just… intense. Was it drugs? With his mom, I mean? What about her family? Did they try to step in?"
"If it was, she never left any traces behind. She never had that 'junkie look', she never acted like one." Tara answered. "It didn't seem like she got caught up that way, you know? It more like she just… checked out… stopped caring. Maybe all of the care Robby needed as an infant and a toddler were too much for her, I just don't know, Will," Tara paused shaking her head. "That's what I don't get – how she could just walk away from him like that…" she trailed off sadly. "Sherri's family wasn't involved. All I know is they left after she graduated high school and she stayed here. When I filed adoption papers the lawyers tried to find Sherri, so they tracked down her family and they didn't even know about Robby or Donny. They hadn't heard from her, but it didn't seem like they had tried hard to find her either."
"Was it maybe postpartum?" I asked, trying to wrap my mind around why Sherri would just take off.
"I really don't know, Will. I wish I did sometimes; then again it doesn't really matter. Not anymore, in all the ways that matter Robby's is mine. I fight for him, I love him, and I take care of him. I read bedtime stories, chase boogie men, kiss ouchies. He knows I'm his aunt and that while I may not have given birth to him, I don't think he cares; in the big ways the ways that count, I am his mom." Tara shrugged.
"So… you were what, all of nineteen when all of this happened?" I asked as things started to click in my head.
Tara smiled. "Twenty, I did wait though, for a couple of years too," sadness crept into her voice and around her eyes as she spoke. "I thought maybe Sherri would come back – that she would wantto be a mom to Robby. I thought maybe she would finally contact her family and find out about Donny, and that it would make a difference or something. I finally pushed things along when he was three. At that point I felt I was being realistic, and she wasn't ever coming back. I wasn't going to hold my breath; I was just going to give Robby the best life I could."
I nodded in silent agreement; if I had been in her shoes I like to think that I would have done the same things, the right things for Robby, at that point. "I have more questions, and if I ask something you don't want to tell me, just say so, okay? I'm beginning to see where this is a… special situation, and some of it, maybe a lot of it, is none of my business."
"Explain Robby for me. I've seen him use these small brushes, and Buffy explained that he sometimes gets overloaded and they help him. I also know he has issues with tastes and textures; and that his sleep is disrupted often. I never asked Buffy for detail, I figured if she wanted me to know, she'd tell me. But now it seems that you'll be the one to tell me," I said smiling, trying to lighten an emotionally charged conversation.
Tara smiled in return. "Yes, it would. That is kind of by agreement; we decided that in trying to give Robby a normal childhood we don't constantly talk about it. We treat him like any other kid in as much as we can, we don't want him to feel like this limits him. Maybe that's wrong, because it does, but I still want him to dream that he can do whatever he puts his mind to – that this is just a side note and not an insurmountable aspect of his life." When Tara looked at me I could see all the hope she held for Robby. Her eyes shown and face was full of love – just like any parents would be when they dream of their child's future.
"Tara, I don't think it's wrong. I mean, I after spending time with him I noticed little things, but when I'm with him I don't make a big deal about them. He's just another ten year old little boy to me. Kids all have their quirks, his might be a little more permanent or severe in some cases, but you guys have given him that. He has a normal childhood, at least from what I can tell, and I know I haven't known him for long, but he's my 'Little Buddy'." I shrugged.
Tara's smile was blinding, and I knew I had said the right things. I wasn't saying them to make her feel good either, I meant them. Putting his quirks aside, Robby was a good kid. Polite, respectful – still mischievous like kids are – but better behaved than a lot of the "normal" kids I've met.
"Okay, back to your questions. Well, we spent years trying to get Robby help. Will, there were so many doctors and so many 'almost' diagnoses before we actually found out what it was and could begin to help him. Robby was finally diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. Have you ever heard of that?" Tara asked.
"No, not at all," I said honestly.
We shuffled a little to get more comfortable on the sofa. We both now had our feet up and Tara's were sticking out of the blanket next to me. I covered them to keep them warm, and absently began to rub them. I don't know why I started doing what could be considered to be an intimate gesture, but I knew that our conversation had been a deep one, and I wanted to reassure her in some way that everything was okay.
"Well, let me shorthand this for you. You know how your nervous system categorizes the messages it receives from your senses so it can respond to them correctly, right?" Tara looked at me and I nodded. "Okay, well Robby's doesn't. It's not just taste and smell it's also motor skills and a whole host of other things."
"So this isn't something that will every go away, is it?" I surmised.
"No, it can get better, we can treat the symptoms and he'll be able to have a fairly normal life. He probably won't ever drive a car, but that's due to hand eye coordination issues that are affected by this. He'll probably never go to a rock concert either, it would be too much and he'd overload. This get's mistaken for High Functioning Autism or Aspergers Syndrome a lot, sometimes even ADHD, because these kids seem to have behavioral problems. God Will, I've done so much reading, and therapy sessions with Robby that I could probably spout facts at you for the next month!" Tara tried to laugh, but it fell flat
"Okay, I've heard of those, and this sensory disorder isn't any of them?" I looked at Tara for confirmation. "So does Robby have problems with school? I mean, I can't imagine that it's easy for him if he gets overloaded and needs to use his brushes. I can only imagine what other kids are like, sometimes without meaning to be they can be really cruel."
Tara smiled wistfully. "They can, and it's hard to explain to a kid in a way that they understand completely too. It was almost easier when he was younger, because the other kids looked at sort of like a game, but as he gets older it becomes more of an oddity."
"I bet," I said softly, my heart breaking for my young friend at the thought of him being ridiculed for something he has no control over.
"We've been lucky though, I found a small charter school. It has small classes; no more than a fifteen kids to a grade, before and after care and some of it is even self-paced. So where Robby excels he can really go for it and where he doesn't he can get all the help he needs without feeling left behind. Some of the grades are combined and taught by the same teachers, so it works really well. We all work together for Robby, and so far with only a few minor hiccups we've been lucky."
"If Robby ever needs any help outside of school, I'd be glad to help him. I'm good with math and sciences, and I've tutored before," I offered without hesitating.
"Thanks," Tara smiled again, but this time it was that sweet lopsided smile that set my stomach fluttering. "I'll let him know. Willow, you've become important to the three most important people in my life. Most importantly, you're important to Robby. Now it's my turn to get to know you, and I'd really like that," she said with a hopeful look on her face.
I had been rubbing Tara's feet the whole time, and now she reached for mine. We sat rubbing each other's feet. I felt giddy like I had too much sugar and caffeine all at once. I also noticed she had started to call me "Will" while we talked, and that had added a whole other layer to of giddy goodness. I could feel the big grin that was now plastered across my face. I knew more about Robby, and Tara had been the one to come to me and let me in. I took the proverbial olive branch I was being offered gladly.
"Me too," I said switching feet again.
"Excellent! So what are your plans for tomorrow?" she asked.
"I have none. I was going to watch all the Christmas carton that are on, and glut myself on the Godiva truffles Eric got me Christmas." I replied.
Tara stopped the motion of her hands briefly, and I saw something flicker over her features. "Eric?"
"Mmmhmm, this is his house. We've been best friends for like ever, and when I came back from Vegas I moved in with him. This is part of way I'm now in the market for a place of my own, it's time to leave the nest, and be a big girl." I said with a giggle.
"Ahh. Well, at the risk of being pushy, you now have plans and a little boy that would be very disappointed if you don't come for dinner," she said, then moaned softly. "Right there feels so good."
I'm fairly sure I started to sweat; I swallowed and tried to keep things light. "We can't have that, now can we?" I replied grinning broadly, and continued to work the knot I could feel in the arch of her foot that caused her to moan. God help me I wanted desperately to know what other spots would make her moan like that. "If I press to hard let me know, 'kay?"
"Oh, I'll let you know," Tara said with a wink.
We sat and talked about ourselves, getting to know one another. Time seemed to fly by as we shared stories, and laughed with one another. Conversation was so easy, and flowed so naturally between us. Eventually we fell asleep curled up on the sofa, bellies full of chocolate and cinnamon, and weights lifted off our shoulders.
It was the best night's sleep I had gotten in my life to that point.
TBC…