A/N: This chapter will be the last time we see the new kids for a while. The whole Jake/Marley/Kitty thing I have set up will come to a point in this story where Marley will have to choose.
So keep in mind things change in their dynamic in this chapter and if you absolutely loathe them I'd skip it if I were you.
From what I'm hearing from you all is mixed feelings. Some people want Marley to be with Kitty and some don't and writing these two is kind of a fun little thing for me but it's not my main focus or concern so I'm leaving it up to you.
If you want her with Jake let me know and if you want her with Kitty let me know and whomever has more votes is who Marley will choose. So let me know either in reviews or on my tumblr (wicked-dreamer) and anon is fine. I will tally up the votes and that is who she will choose. You won't find out her choice for a while but I do promise you will find out her choice (and please keep in mind the versions I have written of these characters instead of the Glee ones) Thank you it's been fun adding the new characters in and trying to fix them as well.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, anything mentioned, any songs, quotes, or books used.
Chapter 20: Hold My Heart
"A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going
the opposite direction in this too-big world."
-Jack Kerouac; On the Road
/
Quinn woke up to a very familiar sound… it was a sound she had been missing more than she ever thought she would. Her eyes opened and she saw Rachel working out on her elliptical and she smirked. She rested on her elbows and just watched her girl work. She could tell that Rachel was lost in her own world but she didn't care. In fact she loved her like this. She loved that she was still the same driven and focused girl she had always been and her insane workout regimen was no exception. She just watched.
Enamored.
Rachel on the other hand wasn't so blissfully carefree. She was worried again. It had been another amazing summer… but it was ending again. She didn't know how much more distance her relationship with Quinn could take before it started to break them. Sure they had made it through two years relatively unscathed but how much longer could they push it before love just wasn't enough.
She was so lost in thought that she didn't even see that Quinn was awake and watching her with a grin on her face. She also didn't notice that Quinn got out of bed and left the room.
She finished her workout and hopped in the shower.
As she let the water wash over her she tried to push the negative thoughts away. She still had one more glorious day of summer with her baby and then the evening at Noah's annual end of the summer party and she couldn't wait.
But at the same time she never wanted it to end.
This coming year was a big one for both her and Quinn. She had a manager now and that would- hopefully- mean more auditions which of course is an amazing thing but that meant even more time and distance away from Quinn.
And Quinn had her own things going on. She was going to be writing the school's play this year and Rachel was so proud of her girl but at the same time that meant even more nights apart. She was already dreading the fact that there would be fewer visits and less phone calls… she was panicking and she knew it… but she couldn't help but think about that fact that this year might be the year where their separate lives finally start to cause them to drift apart.
And she was even more afraid that she could do nothing to stop it.
But as she got out of the shower and saw Quinn sitting on her bed holding two cups of coffee from the Lima Bean all of her worries left her.
At least for the moment.
And she smiled at her girl.
"Quinn," she said with adoration.
"I know you're worried Rachel, but you shouldn't be."
"How'd you know?" Rachel stepped closer and Quinn handed her the coffee. She leaned down and pressed a quick and sweet kiss to her lips and Rachel exhaled loudly. Just as in love with this girl now as she was the very first time those lips touched hers.
"Because you are still the single most important thing in the world to me," Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel's waist.
"I know and you are for me too but," she shrugged.
"But what?"
"But I'm just worried… this year is a big year for us Quinn. We're juniors now, we'll have heavier workloads and the tests will count for more… especially for you and then add to that the auditions and roles I'll be getting and you writing the school play I mean," she took a deep breath having said that all in one breath and shrugged again. "I know we won't mean for it to happen but I can feel it already."
"You can feel what?"
"The distance… we're still together and I already feel the distance strangling me."
"Why? I mean we've made it through the last two years with only minimal injury… mostly to that bitch Paige's face," Rachel giggled.
"And to Rob's dick," Rachel added and Quinn laughed too.
"That too," Quinn agreed and then Rachel got serious again and Quinn could see the tears swimming in her eyes. "Hey… baby stop." She put her coffee down and pulled Rachel into her lap.
"I can't help it," she said and that was it the tears were flowing. "I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that this is the year that it'll fall apart for us… I feel this dread in my gut that is telling me to not let you out of my sight or I will lose you forever." Quinn cupped her cheek.
"Baby… you're still the only one in this world for me; I mean… tell me you believe me?"
"Of course I believe you Quinn," she wiped her face frantically and took a few steadying breaths. "I-I just… I mean I don't doubt that… I shit," she took another deep breath as she tried to get her thoughts together. She felt Quinn pull her tighter.
"Just calm down. I'm here Rachel and I'm never going to leave you so take a deep breath and then tell me what you're afraid of so I can promise to do exactly the opposite," Rachel let out a watery giggle at that.
She just loved this girl so much.
"I don't think we'll ever stop loving each other Quinn… but I am scared that we will let the demands of our lives come between us as they become more hectic," Quinn nodded. "Maybe it's stupid… but I can't help it, I just have this really bad feeling."
"Okay… and I can't tell you to ignore your feeling," Quinn told her and forced Rachel's eyes to meet her own. "But I can promise that I won't let my stuff ever become more important than you."
"I'm not saying you would. I'm not saying that either of us would but what if it happens anyway?"
"Do you remember the day in the auditorium when everything changed?"
"Of course Quinn."
"And what happened after we had that super awkward conversation?"
"You ran away," Rachel answered and Quinn nodded.
"And what happened after I flirted with you in the locker room after the car wash?" Rachel smiled knowing what she was getting at.
"You ran away," Quinn nodded again.
"And then after that… I looked at my life and what I wanted, and what I could have if I just faced the fears; and then what happened?" Rachel smiled shyly.
"You stopped running."
"And I have never run away from you since then… not for real or by choice of course," Rachel smiled knowing she meant their break up. "Rachel everything good I have in my life now started when I stopped running from the things I want. And it all began with you."
"I know but-"
"No please let me finish," Rachel bit her lip and nodded. "I never thought you'd be the one to hold my heart," Rachel smiled as Quinn quoted song lyrics to her. "I wanted it of course but I never thought it would happen. If you start to feel that dread creeping up call me and I'll remind you why you are the most important thing in the world to me." Rachel took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh.
"I love you so much Quinn."
"Me too… so much Rachel… so much more than anything else." She leaned down and kissed her and when Rachel felt her tongue pushing into her mouth and Quinn's arms tighten around her waist she willingly let her deepen it. And just like every time… one kiss from this girl had her worries at ease.
At least for now.
"Will you cuddle with me?" Rachel said against her lips and Quinn nodded.
"There is nothing I would like more," Quinn kissed her again before they got comfortable.
As they cuddled in the bed; Rachel pulled those incredible arms tighter around herself and she smiled into Quinn's shoulder.
"Thanks for the coffee," she whispered with a smile as she remembered all the times Quinn had brought her coffee before school.
"Thanks for waking me up with elliptical this morning," she said and Rachel's eyes met hers. At first she thought Quinn was mad at being woken up but when she saw the smile in those eyes she knew Quinn was feeling just as nostalgic as she was and it made her feel even more at ease.
"I miss it you know."
"Miss what?" Quinn wondered.
"High school, Lima… the carefree life of two teenage girls with nothing to worry about but pleasing each other… the feeling of waking up in your arms every day and going to sleep in them every night…. And I'm not trying to make you feel bad."
"I know… and I miss it too. But in two years we will get to have it every day for the rest of our lives."
"Yeah," Rachel said sadly and just like that her fears were back. She tried to let it go so that Quinn wouldn't know that she was freaking out again.
But Quinn knew; she could feel how tense she was all of a sudden and just like that she was having her own doubts about their future.
Maybe this feeling of dread Rachel was having was something they should worry about.
And when Rachel felt Quinn tense up in her arms knowing she had put that doubt there she felt even worse and even more dread wash over her.
Eventually they both fell asleep and their dreams were filled with doubt and worry over a suddenly uncertain future.
A future they had once been so sure of.
And just like that; in a few words… that certainty was just, gone.
After waking up and getting breakfast both girls managed to push the doubts away in favor of spending the last day of summer happy.
Both girls also knew that hiding their feelings instead of talking about them was a very bad thing but even still neither girl mentioned it again.
They spend the remainder of the afternoon cuddled on a blanket in Rachel's back yard and both girls were reading a book. It was perfect, it was magical, it was very much like their first summer together and it was- of course- interrupted.
"Hey fuckers," Santana's voice sounded across Rachel's back yard and it brought both girls out of their books and into the present.
"Hey San," Quinn closed her book and sat up. Rachel, whose head was resting on her stomach, also sat up closing her book. "I thought you guys weren't going to make it back for the party.
"We didn't either… but um, Brittany is the most amazing woman on the planet and her bosses are giving her more and more choreography to do," Rachel and Quinn both saw Santana beaming at her girl and they were both extremely jealous that Santana and Brittany were living their lives together; and they weren't.
Which again made Quinn felt guilty for being the one to keep them apart.
What's so important about Yale anyway?- she thought- Columbia is just good, and it's where Rachel is.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Brittany's voice.
"So my boss gave me a few days off and his frequent flyer miles so that I could spend a little more time with my friends and family before getting back… once I get back it's going to be non stop rehearsals to teach everyone all the new dance steps for the show," her excited voice said and both Rachel and Quinn stopped worrying about themselves and instead focused on their friends.
"That's so awesome."
"Incredible," Quinn and Rachel said at the same time. Quinn got to her feet and pulled Brittany into a hug.
"I'm so proud of you Britt," Rachel said hugging her as well. Santana could tell that something was wrong with Rachel and Quinn. They were not their usual annoying as fuck horny selves and she needed to find out why.
Not because she cared or anything… just because she was nosy.
But now was not the time.
Now was the time to celebrate her amazing girlfriend with her amazing friends.
"So listen up bitches… Snix needs to get her party on but first I needs some Breadstix," Quinn giggled. "So what do you say the four of us… for old time sake," she saw both of her friends nod.
"Of course Satan, we'll just go change." Rachel said and walked toward the house. Quinn was about to follow but stopped when she felt Santana's hand close around her wrist. She looked back at her.
"What's going on Q?"
"It's nothing," she said and Santana could see in her eyes that she was lying but she let her go anyway.
"If you say so," once Quinn was gone Santana looked at Brittany and could see concern written all over her face as well.
She fucking loved this girl.
"Something is wrong with them Santana."
"I know babe… and tonight at Puckerman's we're going to find out what," concern was lacing Santana's tone and Brittany smiled at how much Santana loved her friends.
Even though she rarely admitted it.
She wrapped her arms around Santana's arm and hugged her.
"I love how fiercely you love Santana," she said softly, saw Santana's scowl turn into a shy smile, and felt warmth spread throughout her.
She loved how tough Santana was.
But even more she loved how loving and caring she was.
Puck's party was in full swing and Rachel and Quinn were both feeling pretty badly. Their moods before their nap earlier had carried over to the present and they both knew they should be talking about it but neither was.
They were instead ignoring it and hoping it would just go away.
Rachel was sitting alone on the couch nursing a drink and Quinn went to the kitchen to get another drink for herself; Santana had been watching them most of the night and took this opportunity to get her plan into action. She moved over to Brittany who was talking to Marley and Tina and poked her in the side.
"Now Britt," she whispered and then kissed her below her ear before walking over to the kitchen to corner Quinn. Brittany looked back at Tina and Marley and smiled.
"I have to go talk to Rachel right now… I'll be back," she saw them both nod and she walked away.
"Hey Rach," Brittany greeted as she sat down next to her friend and saw the girl shoot her a saddened grin. "What's going on with you and Quinn? Are you fighting?"
"No… no we're fine."
"You are definitely not fine," Brittany said with a raised eyebrow that Rachel would've smiled at- because it was so much like Quinn's- if she wasn't so worried. "Just tell me what is wrong Rachel." She watched as Rachel's masked slipped and tears started to swim in her eyes.
"Nothing is wrong per se… I mean Quinn and I aren't fighting or anything," she saw Brittany shaking her head and she continued. "No we're not… it's just me, I have this really bad feeling that things are going to change between us this year and I am really dreading saying goodbye to her tomorrow… and I think this feeling I'm having may have gotten to Quinn too. And now I think she is just as worried as I am."
"B-But why are you so worried now? I mean you guys have made it through two years of this already… why is it so tough for you now?"
"I don't know how to explain it… I just have this feeling in my gut that the distance is finally going to be too much for us, and also because we're going to be so busy this year with our school work and stuff… I don't know," she shrugged. "When I say it out loud it sounds stupid but when I close my eyes at night all I can think about is this real fear that I'm going to lose Quinn this year."
"You're never going to lose Quinn, Rachel."
"I used to think that too… but now, I'm not so sure."
"Well I am sure," Brittany told her. "There is nothing in this world more important to Quinn than you, you believe that right?"
"I do."
"Then it's you… you think you'll find something more important than her?" Brittany was truly confused. Rachel shook her head.
"N-No not at all… Quinn is the most important thing in the world to me."
"Even more than Broadway?" Brittany was testing her and she knew if Rachel passed this test then she and Quinn would be just fine.
"You know I used to think nothing in this world was more important to me than Broadway."
"And?"
"And then Quinn walked into my life… she was equally as important to me as Broadway was but then her accident happened and I realized that nothing in this world will ever mean more to me than she does… and nothing will ever make me as happy as she does… and not even Broadway means as much to me as she does."
"Then there is your answer."
"Huh?"
"When you're feeling the dread in your stomach and the worry creeping up remember that Quinn is more important than all of it… even your dreams of Broadway," she saw Rachel smiling. "And I don't think it'll ever come to it but you just admitted that if you had to, you would choose Quinn every time right?"
"Right?"
"Well then… remember that when you feel yourself drifting from her and fight for it."
"Thanks Brittany… you really are a genius."
"I know," she draped her arm around Rachel's neck and they sat back against the couch. Rachel's mind was all over the place… she was still very worried, and very scared but she would just remember what Brittany said.
If the choice had to be made she would choose Quinn… every single time.
Quinn would always hold her heart.
When Santana walked into the kitchen she saw Quinn leaning against the counter chugging a beer.
"What is going on with you and Berry?" Quinn swallowed what was in her mouth and then looked at Santana; who could see the fear in her eyes.
She had only ever seen Quinn like this twice in her life.
When she found out she was pregnant.
And when she gave Beth up for adoption.
And Santana instantly knew this was bad.
"Rachel is giving up on me," Quinn said and she was fighting tears. Santana let out a laugh at the absurdity of that idea but it only angered Quinn. "It's not a fucking joke Santana!"
"Yes it is," Santana walked closer and ripped the bottle out of her hand and slammed it onto the counter. Quinn pushed her angrily and Santana pushed her right back. "Don't fuck with me Q… I'm sober and you're barely standing." Quinn huffed and slumped back against the counter; tears were falling down her face. "Now I don't know what is going on with Rachel… Britt is talking to her right now… but I know that girl will never give up on you."
"You don't know shit Santana!"
"I know Rachel… Quinn!" She yelled right back. "I know that girl loves you with every fucking thing in her soul; so whatever has you thinking this about her must be bad but it sure as fuck isn't her giving up on you."
"Yes it is!" Quinn screamed as she stepped right into Santana's face, and Santana shoved her back again. She hit the counter with a thud and this time Santana stepped into her personal space.
"You didn't see her Q… you didn't see that fucking girl fall to pieces when you had your accident. You didn't see the normally annoyingly positive Rachel Berry literally disappear before your eyes okay! You didn't see how she tore herself apart in that hospital that day… you didn't fucking see the color drain from her face and watch her collapse to the ground when she heard that you had been in an accident." Quinn watched Santana relive that day and just the expression on her face told Quinn how bad Rachel was during the time she was unconscious.
"I saw the real Rachel Berry when she was stripped of everything that mattered the most to her… and Quinn she sure as fuck wasn't thinking about Broadway when you were hanging by a thread. YOU are everything to that girl… and don't ever fucking forget it!" She stepped away from her now crying friend.
"I don't know what is going on with her that has her thinking that you won't make it… but is sure as HELL isn't her giving up on you… because she will never do that Q!" With those words Quinn collapsed into Santana's arms in tears and Santana held her tight. After Quinn's tears were gone she pulled her wet face out of Santana's shoulder and smiled.
"I'm sorry San."
"Don't worry about it Q… that's what friends are for."
"No… I mean yeah… but I meant I'm sorry for what you and Rachel went through that day." Santana nodded.
"Not just us… Britt too, and Puck and your mom… and Rachel's dads… and everybody," Quinn nodded. "But yeah Rachel and I clung to each other like our fucking lives depended on it."
"I'm sorry that I made you upset again… it's just Rachel; a-a-and I don't know what to do and-"
"What's going on with her?"
"She's worried that we won't make it through this year."
"Why now?"
"I don't really know… I mean we're both going to have a lot more going on this year than the last two, but I don't know. What if she's right… what if we grow apart?"
"Come on Q," Santana said with a smirk. "You and Berry are too fucking horny to grow apart," Quinn giggled at that. "Fight for her Q… whatever is scaring her is obviously scaring you too. But don't let her fears win. Make sure she knows you're not going anywhere. I mean you're not right?"
"No… never."
"Well then stop letting the midget's fears scare you too and tell her that she's fucking stuck with you." Quinn smiled.
"I will… I just-"
"You just nothing Quinn… let me put it to you this way. If it came down to a choice between Yale and Rachel, which would you choose?"
"Rachel," Quinn said with no hesitation and Santana smiled.
"Well than what the fuck are you afraid of?" And Quinn smiled. Santana was right; she was letting Rachel's worries get to her when she never had before. She should be reassuring Rachel like she did the last two years and instead she was letting those stupid fears win.
"You're right Santana," she said.
"It often happens," they both laughed. "Okay now let's get our drink on and enjoy this last day of summer before we have to go back to fucking school. I'll get wasted and make sweet love to my girl all night… you'll get drunk and probably fuck your girl against a doorframe somewhere because you two are worse than horny dogs," Quinn laughed again. "But you'll talk it out tomorrow and then separate with promises of another year full of rainbows and fucking annoying Jewish unicorns." Quinn laughed and Santana poured them each a shot. After taking one alone she poured another one into her glass and handed Quinn the other.
"Here's to fixing your shit with Rachel." Santana toasted and Quinn nodded.
"I love her so much San," Quinn slurred.
"I know dude… but shut up you're grossing me out." Quinn laughed and they downed their shots.
Rachel was sitting on the couch alone; Brittany had gotten up a while ago and Quinn still hadn't returned from the kitchen. So on top of being worried about their future she was also currently worried about their present.
She was brought out of her worries by the sound of someone yelling. She looked up and saw Marley standing near Kitty and screaming at her.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She yelled and saw Kitty step closer to her.
"Nothing is wrong with me… I was just dancing with my friend what the hell is wrong with you?" Kitty screamed back and Marley lunged for her. Jake caught her around the middle.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He repeated Kitty's question and she looked at him with fire in her eyes. "She was minding her business and dancing with Gabrielle… I don't get it Marley I thought you guys were friends now and-"
"No you don't get it!" She yanked her arm out of his grasp. "Just leave me the hell alone," she yelled and he held his hands in the air.
"Is that what you want?"
"Yes!" She screamed and he let out a humorless chuckle.
"Fine… I'm out," and the hurt was clear in his voice. He turned away from her and she wanted to go after him but instead she turned and faced a still shocked Kitty.
"Look Marley I-" her words were cut off when she felt Marley's hand circle around her wrist and she was being dragged out of the room. "What the hell?" Rachel heard Kitty scream as they disappeared in the direction of the bathroom.
Rachel got to her feet and was going to go after them but instead she felt a hand on her wrist and herself being spun around. When Quinn's lips collide with hers she melted into it.
"Mm," she moaned and in this moment all of her previous worries were gone and she felt so connected to the girl of her dreams. And then she remembered that she was trying to make sure Marley didn't kill Kitty; so she reluctantly pulled out of the amazing kiss and out of her girlfriend's incredible arms.
"Baby," she hummed and Quinn was wearing her dopey smile when the parted.
"I love you Rachel and nothing will ever change that."
"I love you too Quinn… and this conversation is very important to me," she saw Quinn's dopey grin widen. "But I was about to follow Marley and make sure she didn't kill Kitty," she saw Quinn's eyebrows lift at that. "Please come with me to check on them and then we can talk about us all night long."
"I will do anything for you Rachel," she said dreamily and Rachel chuckled.
"How drunk are you?" She asked and Quinn laughed.
"Very… very, very drunk," she giggled again. "But not too drunk to know that you are my whole world and I need to set your mind at ease," Rachel smiled.
"I love the sound of that but we need to make sure that the baby lesbians are okay first," Quinn nodded and when Rachel interlocked their fingers she couldn't help the elation that spread throughout her.
/
Marley shoved Kitty into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her; neither girl noticed that it hit the door frame so hard it popped back a bit and wasn't latched.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kitty screamed again and wheeled around.
"I thought you liked me… I thought you wanted to be with me that is what you said isn't it?" Marley was yelling.
"Yeah I said it… and I do like you b-but… but-"
"But what?" Marley cut her off.
"But you're with Jake and I hate every fucking second of it… but I said I wanted to be your friend and I've been trying to be… and no, fuck that… I have been a great friend, even though you throw him in my face every day and it hurts Marley… so excuse me if I try to get over you by having fun with another girl who can't even hold a candle to you anyway," Kitty was crying now and she tried to walk by Marley but Marley grasped her hand again. Kitty yanked her arm away angrily.
"What do you want from me?" She screamed and then felt herself being slammed against a wall and Marley's body pressing into hers.
"I want this," she whispered and leant her head down and captured Kitty's lips with her own. The moment their lips touched Kitty felt a fire burn deep within her and settle between her legs. She had wanted this for so long and now it was happening. She decided to take as much as she could get. She swiped her tongue across Marley's lips and felt her open them. She slid her tongue inside Marley's mouth deepening the kiss. Marley moaned loudly and Kitty wrapped her arms around her neck while she explored Marley's mouth. Then another moan was heard and Kitty was sure it was her that time but it didn't matter because the girl of her dreams was kissing her.
Finally.
/
Rachel pulled Quinn toward the bathroom door and just as Rachel was about to knock she noticed that the door wasn't even closed. She looked at Quinn in her adorable drunken state and saw that Quinn was urging her on. She reached for the door and was going to push it open when she heard a loud moan and then another one shortly after.
Her wide eyes landed on a smirking Quinn.
"Yeah get some," Quinn whispered shouted before Rachel covered her mouth with her hand. She led Quinn away from the bathroom and into the hall before she released the hold she had on her mouth.
"Well I guess they aren't killing each other," Rachel said with a smirk and then Quinn kissed her. It was so erotic that Rachel's toes curled and Quinn pulled back.
"I know we have to talk and I have to promise you that you're stuck with me but after listening to them kissing I just… I just really want you right now baby and-" her words died in Rachel's mouth as she kissed the hell out of her. When Rachel pulled away she saw Quinn's silly grin again.
"Come on drunky let's go find a corner and make out."
"Yes please."
/
Marley was lost in the kiss; she had been dreaming about this moment ever since Kitty confessed her feelings and nothing in her life had ever felt as good as this kiss and it was wrong… she knew it was wrong.
But she couldn't bring herself to stop.
In fact, stopping was the last thing she was doing. Her hands were resting on Kitty's hips while her tongue thoroughly explored that mouth and the little whimpers that Kitty was releasing were causing uncomfortable wetness between her legs but she need more.
So she slid her hands around and cupped Kitty's ass and when she felt Kitty arch into her further she knew she wanted it too. She squeezed her ass and was about to lift her off the ground when she was suddenly pushed away.
There was a lot of heavy breathing as both girls recovered from what had just transpired and as they stared at each other for several long moments both girls knew that what had just happened had changed everything.
And Kitty knew that Marley's hold on her heart had only gotten stronger.
And that pissed her the hell off.
Who did she think she was kissing her like that when she has a fucking boyfriend?
Kitty was angry, and bitter, and more turned on than she had ever been in her life, and she hated the fact that whatever had just happened probably meant nothing to Marley when it had meant everything to her.
"What the fuck was that?" She screamed and watched as Marley's mouth opened and closed several times before she spoke.
"I-I uh… I wanted to and-"
"How long?" Kitty asked, anger seeping through her tone and she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Huh?"
"How long have you wanted to kiss me?" Her anger was still very relevant and Marley knew she had to be honest. She looked Kitty in the eye and felt her cheeks flushing.
"Ever since you confessed your feelings to me… I have been so jealous of you and that girl." Kitty's mouth fell open in shock.
"And why now? Why did you wait so long and parade Jake in front of me the way that you did?"
"I didn't do that to hurt you, I swear," Kitty nodded.
"Well then why did you?"
"I-I like him too… a lot," she looked to the floor and then back up. "I guess I'm just really confused about my feelings and I hoped that maybe by kissing you it would go away and I wouldn't want to anymore," she could tell that Kitty was hurt by that but she was trying to be honest.
"And did it work?" She could see Marley's confusion so she continued. "Did the kiss make it go away?" Marley shook her head.
"No… it only made me want more." Kitty released a relieved sigh and hoped that Marley didn't notice.
But Marley did notice.
"So you like me?"
"Yes," Marley admitted and Kitty stepped closer. She pressed her lips to Marley's again and felt Marley relax into her touch. "Oh god… I want this," she moaned and as she was about to deepen it, Kitty pulled back.
"I want it too… I want you so much but," she trailed off.
"But what?"
"But what about Jake?" Marley frowned and looked down at the floor.
"I-I don't know… I mean, I like him we've been dating for a while now and I-"
"Look I don't need the details," Kitty cut her off and stepped closer again. There was very little space between them. "I want you," Marley sucked in a breath. "And you want me," Marley nodded. "But you also want Jake and I refuse to be your dirty little secret."
"Okay," Marley took a deep breath. "I don't want you to be, but Kitty I'm even more confused now than I was before because I know that these feelings for you are real and not just a reaction to your feelings," Kitty nodded. "But so are my feelings for Jake and I don't want to hurt either of you."
"Yeah but you'll have to."
"What do you mean?"
"Well if you choose Jake I'll be hurt… I mean I'll still be your friend because I don't want to not have you in my life… I need you in my life," she admitted and Marley swooned. "But if you choose me, I will of course be elate but Jake will be sad," Marley nodded. "But you have to choose. Either you stay his girlfriend or you become mine but you can't have both."
"I know… I guess I just need time to sort it out."
"And I'll give you that… hell I'd give you anything but," she wrapped her arms around Marley's neck once more and Marley's hands instinctively circled her waist. "If you don't pick me and I'm never going to get to do this again… I just want," her words were lost in Marley's mouth as she pressed their lips together again.
Marley felt it all the way to her toes when Kitty's lips pressed against hers, and then Kitty's tongue was in her mouth and she felt…
Aroused.
Intrigued.
Sexy.
And she wanted more but before she could stop her Kitty was pulling away again and this time she was looking deep into her eyes.
"I'll give you all the time in the world and if you choose him I'll be okay with it because I'll at least know that you did and do feel something for me… just not as much as I feel for you." she pressed another peck to those incredible lips before she ran out of the bathroom and into the living room where she collapsed on the couch crying. What she didn't know was that Rachel and Quinn were cuddled on that very same couch.
"Kitty?" Quinn called and her wet eyes landed on Quinn. "Kitty… are you okay?"
"Have you ever been so incredibly happy but also terrified at the same time?"
"Oh you have no idea," Rachel said and felt Quinn's arms tighten around her and she suddenly knew that even if they had a tough time this year; she and Quinn had what it takes to last forever.
Marley left the bathroom in search of Rachel and soon found her sitting on Quinn's lap in the corner. Her mind was so wrapped up in what had just happened that she didn't even see Kitty sitting next to them at first.
"Hey Rachel, I-I need to talk to you. I need your help… something amazing just happened and I-" her breath caught in her throat and her eyes bulged out at the sight of Kitty sitting there with her lips still swollen; and lust still burning in those eyes. She felt her heart beat faster and her knees got weak. Rachel smiled at her and then looked back at Quinn; it didn't matter to either Marley or Kitty since their eyes were on each other.
Rachel leaned over and pressed a kiss to Quinn's lips and then leaned closer to her ear.
"I got Marley you get Kitty," she whispered and felt Quinn nod and then she pulled back and looked deep into those eyes that had never failed her before. She knew that she and Quinn needed to have a very important conversation but she also knew that they would do whatever it took to always be together.
"I love you," she pecked her lips again and then got off of her lap and wrapped her fingers around a still staring Marley's wrist. "Come with me," she pulled her away but not before she noticed the shy smile that Marley was giving Kitty… and Kitty was loving it.
Once Rachel and Marley were gone Quinn turned to Kitty.
"Okay so what happened…we heard moaning?" Kitty's mouth dropped.
"Wait you heard? Were we that loud?" She was appalled and Quinn giggled.
"Not from here," she saw Kitty's features relax at that. "Rachel saw your little fight and she saw Marley drag you out of here. We followed you guys and when we got to the bathroom we heard moaning," she watched as Kitty's mouth turned up into a huge smile that reminded her so much of her own during sophomore year when she got to kiss Rachel the first time… and the second time… and every single fucking time since.
She was pretty sure that every time Rachel kissed her she wore a stupid grin like the one Kitty was now sporting.
"So are you going to tell me why there was moaning?"
"She kissed me," she said and the smile was breathtaking. "And she likes me," and then Quinn watched her smile slowly faded. "But…"
"But what?"
"She likes Jake too… what if she chooses him?"
"Tell me what happened and don't leave anything out," Quinn demanded and Kitty giggled before recounting the best moment of her life.
In the kitchen, Marley was leaning against the counter and she had just recounted the same story to Rachel who was grinning like a fool.
"So you like her then?"
"So much," Marley admitted with a heavy breath.
"Okay so why are you freaking out?"
"Because of Jake… I-I like him too."
"Oh."
"Yeah," Marley pouted and Rachel reached for her hand.
"Look I'm not telling you what to do because I remember how smitten you were with that boy and I also know just how much he likes you as well," she could see tears welling up in Marley's eyes and she felt bad. "No… no don't cry… I just meant I know you like him but the way you and her were just looking at each other…" she trailed off and Marley waited.
"Yeah?"
"Do you remember saying that you wanted the kind of love Quinn and I have?" Marley nodded. "Well just now the way you and Kitty were staring at each other… well it reminded me of Quinn and I," Marley smiled shyly.
"Y-Yeah I really like her… and I really liked kissing her," Rachel nodded. "And I don't know if that means I'm bi or if it just means that I just really like Kitty but… yeah I really, really like her and I felt things I have never felt before," she could feel her cheeks blushing and Rachel saw it but didn't say anything about it.
"Look don't worry so much about what liking her means. You don't need to label it for it to be real okay?"
"Okay."
"Love is love."
"But I don't know if I love her… or Jake… I just don't know anymore."
"Do you want my advice?" Marley stared at her for a minute with a dumbfounded look before she spoke.
"Yeah Rachel…that's why I wanted to talk to you. You have to help me."
"Okay," Rachel put both of her hands on the girl's biceps and smiled up at her. "Talk to them both, tell them you need time and if they both give you that then I want you to go home and think… like really think about each one of them and how they make you feel and then I want you to imagine your life without one of them in it… and whatever one you can't imagine not having in your life in the future that is the one you're meant to be with."
"Well… what if I can't imagine my life without either of them?"
"Polygamy," Rachel said with a smirk and Marley giggled. The joke had its desired effect and Rachel saw some of the tension leave her. "But seriously that may mean you just need more time. Take all the time you need and if neither of them can give you that then… they're obviously not the one for you."
"Kitty said she would wait forever for me."
"That's good."
"She's in love with me isn't she?" Rachel nodded.
"I'd say so," she saw Marley's smile widen and she thought that Marley might be more ready to choose than she thinks she is. "How does that make you feel?"
"It makes me feel awesome," she said with a breath. "But I don't want to hurt her if she's not the one… you know."
"Well someone will get hurt. Go find Jake and talk to him… and then spend some time alone and figure out what Marley wants," she said and then she felt herself being pulled into a tight hug and she smiled into it.
"Thanks Rachel."
"You're welcome," with that Marley practically ran away from her and she smiled stupidly… because earlier with the staring they really did remind her of Quinn and herself sophomore year.
And then thinking about Quinn made her miss her.
She sure hoped that Quinn was done with Kitty because she wanted some loving.
Her question was answered when she turned around and felt Quinn's body press against hers and Quinn's lips cover hers. She moaned into the kiss and all too quickly Quinn was pulling away.
"Let's go home."
"Why?"
"Because I'm sober and horny and I want to make love to my incredibly sexy and stunningly intelligent girlfriend," she winked and Rachel licked her lips.
"But Quinn we have to talk."
"And we will… but right now I just really need to feel you," Rachel felt her face flush and her panties become damp. "Will you let me feel you?"
"Always," she said and Quinn was dragging her away.
Marley left the house and was dialing Jake's number as she walked to her car. She put her phone to her ear and looked up to see Jake standing in front of her.
"Y-You're here," she said and he smiled that stupid smile that still made her knees weak.
"Yeah I um… I didn't like how we left things and Marley I'm sorry if I made you mad I just," she held her hand up to shush him.
"You didn't do anything wrong… I did," he stuffed his hands into his pockets and the look that crossed his face made her feel like the biggest jerk for what she was about to tell him.
"W-What did you do?"
"I feel like I need to explain a few things before I tell you what happened tonight," she watched him swallow hard and again the guilt was weighing on her.
"I'm listening."
"Okay," she took a deep breath and leaned against her car. He stepped closer and leaned next to her. "Last Christmas right before break… Kitty pulled me aside and she told me that the reason why she was so mean to me was because she likes me," she heard him scoff and she met his eyes. He was shocked to say the least.
"Like… likes you?" He asked and she nodded. "Wow."
"Yeah wow," it was quiet for several moments.
"What did you say?"
"I said that I was flattered but that I didn't think of her that way," he nodded.
"And what did she say to that?"
"She said she understood and that she just wanted me to know and hopefully we could become friends and as you know we did," he nodded again. "That should've been the end of it."
"But it wasn't?"
"No," she shook her head. "It wasn't… because when she admitted to liking me it stirred feelings inside of me and I have been denying those feelings ever since. And then she showed up to your brother's Hanukkah party with a girl and I was jealous," she saw him flex his jaw and could tell that he was hurt but that he was trying to keep his cool.
"So you like her?" She nodded. "And you have since then?" She nodded again. "Okay Marley," he stood in front of her. "I'm trying to hold it together because I'm feeling like there is more and I'm also feeling that I'm not going to like it."
"You're not," she said with a pout.
"Just tell me." She nodded and took a deep breath.
"Well this jealousy has been building within me ever since then and tonight it exploded. That is why I was yelling at her and that is why I yelled at you and it's also why…" she trailed off and he waited.
"Why what?" He asked when he couldn't wait anymore.
"Why I kissed her," she said and braced herself for the yelling. When none came she looked up at him and the hurt in his eyes made her feel even worse. And then the apologies started to spill out of her mouth. "Look Jake I understand if you hate me and never want to see or talk to me again but you have to know that I didn't mean for any of this to hurt you… I'm just really confused and I was trying to ignore it for so long… and I just couldn't anymore." A tear escaped his eye and he pushed it away before she could see it.
"So are you breaking up with me… for her?"
"I-I don't know what I want anymore," she said honestly. "I-I need time and I understand if you hate me and can't give me time… and I am so sorry for kissing her tonight and hurting you because hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted," she saw him nod.
"I-I can wait."
"What?" She asked shocked and saw his stupid adorable half smile cross his mouth.
"I mean it sucks that it happened this way, I mean I would've loved for you to have figured this out before you kissed her or at least told me about it."
"I know and I am so sorry Jake."
"I know you are," he cupped her cheek and forced her eyes to meet his. "And you're also being honest with me about it… which is good. I'm so tired of people lying to me. So I'll wait for you to figure out what you want… I care about you Marley." He leaned over and kissed her and just like the first time she felt butterflies battering her stomach and it confused her even more. When he pulled away he looked deep into her eyes and smiled. "Let me know when you figure things out… no matter who you choose just please be honest with me."
"I will," she promised and he pecked her cheek before walking away and as she watched him go she let out an exasperated sigh.
"Fucking hell," she said out loud to herself. Jake made her head spin, and Kitty made her knees weak.
Jake gave her butterflies.
And Kitty made her heart skip a beat.
Kitty tasted like strawberries.
And Jake tasted like mint.
"Fucking hell," she repeated to herself as she got into her car and drove away.
Was it possible for two people to hold her heart?
Was it possible to be in love with two people at once?
It had to be.
Because she definitely was.
Rachel was quiet the whole way to the airport. She was very happy that she and Quinn had gone home after the party and reconnected the way they always do; with a long night of making love.
In every moan, pant, and orgasm she got from and gave to Quinn she knew deep down in her heart that they were still just as in love as ever but her mind was still racing with thoughts of them losing their closeness this year.
The dread was eating away at her and it stopped whenever Quinn looked at her, or smiled at her or… made love to her for hours on end.
But then she would get lost inside her head again and she needed Quinn's words.
Quinn always knew just what to say and just how to say it to make her know that everything would be okay and it hurt that Quinn wasn't doing that.
It hurt that Quinn was just as worried as she was.
And it hurt knowing that she was the one who put that doubt in Quinn's mind in the first place.
They had needed to talk things through but they ended up not talking at all.
After saying goodbye to Judy who had brought them to the airport she walked with Quinn and as they made their way around the airport and through security they still weren't talking.
Well they were talking but not about what they needed to talk about.
And even when it came time for Rachel's flight they still didn't talk about the one thought that was weighing on their minds.
Instead Quinn pulled Rachel into a heated kiss and Rachel's body responded in kind. She tugged Quinn closer and deepened the kiss. She needed to feel her. And they kissed passionately until they called Rachel's boarding group and then they hugged for another few minutes.
"I love you Rachel."
"I love you too… forever Quinn."
"Me too," she watched Rachel walked toward Brittany and Santana and then she watched as Rachel disappeared down the tunnel.
She wanted to scream that everything would be okay but instead she said nothing. All of her resolve to fix what was wrong after her talk with Santana was gone and for the first time since she and Rachel started to date she felt like she was going to lose her.
Her phone buzzed in her hand and she smiled at the sight of Rachel's name.
From Rachel: I have to shut it off soon and I just needed to talk to you. I want to fix what I broke between us Quinn with all of my worrying please tell me we'll fix it.
From Quinn: We'll fix it baby.
From Rachel: I love you so much and I'll call you when I land and then we'll talk right?
From Quinn: I promise and I love you too.
From Rachel: We're going to be okay right Quinn?
From Quinn: We're going to be fine baby… now relax and enjoy your flight.
From Rachel: :)
And Quinn smiled at the smiley face that her girlfriend sent her and it sent a glimmer of hope into her otherwise worried mind.
She had just promised Rachel that they would be fine but again for the first time ever since she and Rachel fell in love she wasn't so sure.
She wasn't sure that they'd make it through this year.
And that was the most terrifying thought ever.
A/N 2: Ooh that got a little bit angsty there huh?
So who's it going to be: Jake or Kitty? And remember the choice is yours.
The title of the chapter comes from the song Arms by Christina Perri.