Hey ho to all of you lovely readers.

Now this one shot comes with a very strong warning.

This is in fact a sixteen year old Kurt's Suicide Note. Now if you're reading the story then you're expecting this if not, I'm telling you now. I feel I should warn you because it may bring back memories, or triggers or anything like that and I don't want to hurt or upset any of you.

Disclaimer: Glee is not mine.

Warning: Mentions of Suicide.

Big Brother: And that's Okay.

Dear Dad,

I don't really know what to say, I don't really know how I'm supposed to do this really. Do I write down all the reason's why? Or do I just apologise and tell you how much I love you? I have no idea, so instead I am going to do both.

If you're reading this letter then I am so sorry for the pain and hurt that I am currently putting you through. I apologise for the arrangements you will have to make for my funeral and I apologise for the phone calls you will have to make. To Grandma, Carson and school. I'm sorry that even though I'm gone I'm still a burden, but once thats done and I'm gone, life will be okay.

I'm sorry for doing this the way I have, but I didn't see another way out. I wasn't cowardly or scared of life. I embraced life full on when I had to, but my reasons for leaving you are simple. I was alone, no one cared and I was always in pain.

I know saying I was alone probably won't help how you're feeling right now, but I need you to know that this isn't your fault. Honestly it isn't. I know you love me and I know how much you care about me, but I also know how much you have been struggling to come to the terms with the fact that I am, that I was gay, and that's okay. Honestly it is, I don't blame you or hate you, if possible I love you even more for accepting me the way I am.

This is one of the reason's I couldn't hurt you any more. Me being around just made your life, made everybody's lives more complicated then necessary. I know you struggle with the hoax calls about my sexuality and I know you tried to protect me after I was put in the Hospital a couple of weeks ago, but lets be honest Dad, you over looked a lot of things when it came to my safety and my sexuality.

Now I know you weren't as forward about it as Mr Schue had been, practically telling me out right that I needed to get used to being bullied and judged because I would have that for the rest of my life, all because of my sexuality. I know on some level you believe that too, that it's something I would need to get used to and maybe on some level you're both right. But on my level, you both couldn't be more wrong.

I'm alone Dad, I have been since Carson left and my sexuality made us grow distant in more ways then one. I have no friends, everyone looks at me like I'm some sort of freak. People are afraid to touch me because they're afraid to catch 'the gay.' Now it's not okay, it's nowhere near okay, but I've dealt with it, I've lived with it. But not anymore.

The bullying is constant and nobody, not even the teachers do anything about it because they believe that it's something I need to get used too. The student body doesn't care about me and if the teachers don't either, I can't blame them. You never notice if I come home limping, you never notice if I'm wearing a different outfit when I come home after school. You don't notice any of these things, but that's okay because I never expected you to. I never, ever expected you to.

I like who I am, I like what I like and I think that I would've made a name for myself, a good name for myself if things had been different, but as they're not. I guess I'll have to make my name a different way Now. Now, you don't have to do this Dad but I want my suicide to mean something, okay?

I've taken my own life by choice, but only because I felt forced into it by a situation that was out of my control. If you are willing to do so Dad I want you to use my death as a statement; Bullying Against Homosexuality has to stop. I'm not the first one who know's everyone's lives will be better off without them and I know I will not be the last, but if I can stop one person from doing what I was forced into, I'd consider it a death well done.

Now that I'm gone I know Carson will come back, he'll come back to support you and help you with my funeral and he'll come back and stay, maybe not forever, but just for a little while. I'm hoping my death will bring what's left of our family together.

I won't you to know that, even though I felt I had no choice, it was my choice to take my own life if that makes sense? I've had people throwing insults at me since school began and that's okay, but there's only so much anyone can take. Only so much I can take. Now it was hard for me to come to this decision; taking my own life, but it's truly what I want.

I'm sick of hurting people, I'm sick of disappointing people and I'm sick of being alone. The only thing stopping me from doing this sooner was you. Now after some thought and that phone call last night I realised me sticking around was hurting you, not helping you. So I've come to the decision that now is as good a time as any.

Please remember that this has noting to do with you Dad, nothing at all. I was given two choices; live life in a constant state of fear, abuse and loneliness or save myself. As you can guess I chose the latter, and the thought of not getting bullied, not hurting anymore, being with Mum? That makes me happy Dad, it really does.

I'm not in any pain where I am and I promise you that everything will be okay. Mum and I will watch over you for the rest of your life, and remember what you used to tell me? I will always be with you, in your heart and in your head. I love you Dad, so much. You're the closest thing I ever had to a friend, and that's okay.

Don't beat yourself up over a decision I made. I love you all the same, even if you didn't notice, I still love you and nothing will ever change that. Please remember that my decision was not your fault and I don't allow you to feel guilty. This was just how it was supposed to be. I was never supposed to make it to my 18th birthday, was never supposed to have a boyfriend or make it to New York. This is what was in store for me and I accept that, I only hope you can too.

Now, I know I stopped trying with Carson and I'm not going to ring him up now just to leave his life, but will you please tell him that no matter what happened between us he will always be my best friend, the greatest brother in the world and someone I love with everything I have. Please make sure he doesn't blame himself either, just because I've been feeling alone since he left doesn't mean it has anything to do with this decision I made.

I made this decision for me Dad and I am sorry for being selfish and not thinking of others, but this is the first time in my sixteen years of life that I've put what I've wanted before anyone else. In sixteen years that isn't bad, is it?

Daddy I love you.

Daddy I'm so sorry,

Kurt.

So, it's short yet heartbreaking and I made myself cry at one point during this bittersweet letter.

I hope you think I did a sixteen year old Kurt justice.. if not my apologises.

Read & Review.

Until the next update,

Love Kaylee xx