AN: I am very sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have no excuse except the lames ones; more yaoi, homework, projects, etc. XD

China's POV

I stared at the door blankly, waiting for Russia to come and take me to a place where the people weren't so annoying. My bruises started to hurt slightly, and my cut stung. The door did open eventually, first a crack, then all the way.

Bela walked in, stiffly, her eyes slightly red. She was probably ready to kill me now. She quickened her pace as she saw me, stopping a few feet away. She extended her arm out.

"I-I'm sorry aru!" I flinched, sliding back on the table, "I-I won't do it again! I-I..." I trembled. She suddenly grabbed my left wrist as I froze, petrified. She turned it slowly, revealing the gash, shallow, but long.I stared at her. Was she going to do something to it? She reached for her pocket taking out a long bandage roll. She started to dress my wound, wrapping the roll around it multiple times.

"...I cut your left arm because you held Nii-san's hand with that...I wanted to cut it off...but thought better not to..." She smirked, looking up at me. I quivered.

"Wh-what aru?" I asked, questioning if she was okay.

"I-I'm sorry China...Russia doesn't hate you, and...You don't deserve to pay for sins you didn't even commit...I-I'm sorry for hurting you..you didn't deserve that either," She looked like she meant that.

"He does hate me aru," I inquired.

Her eyes narrowed, "Cut the crap, no he doesn't,"

"Yes he does aru. I protested," A cold shiver ran through my spine. She stared at me, incredulous.

"W-where is he aru?" I asked quietly.

"I-I don't know..I told him I'm going to go make amends...I thought he was going to follow me...but," She stopped, evaluating my expression, struggling whether or not to continue.

"He didn't aru..." I smiled.

"N-no but..." She suddenly glared, not at be...but for a past event, "H-he left you...when you probably needed him more than I did,"

"Actually...not really...since he doesn't lov-" I started to explain. Bela suddenly walked out, coming back, with a worn down rose bouquet.

"Why would he get roses?" She prompted. Suddenly I was tired of flowers. I wanted Russia, his laughter, his joy, his smiles to be mine. Not thess confusing flowers.

I smacked it away, glaring at her.

"I don't give a shit about roses or flowers anymore," I told her coldly.

"Y-you should have told me earlier da...I wouldn't have wasted time getting them them..." Came a voice behind Belarus. She turned around, as a peeked out from behind her. It was Russia, quivering in anger by the door.

Getting worked up over flowers? That hypocrite. He walked closer to us, sauntering almost. I rolled my eyes, looking at my lap.

Bela walked to him smiling, "Nii-san...lets talk..." She extended her arms. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the Baltics press themselves to the wall, trembling. The slipped away using the door.

Ukraine also went up, "R-russia-san...l-lets go home!~"

"Get out of my way," He said coldly, his eyes never leaving mine.

Bela grabbed his wrist, "I''m not letting you go till you calm down, its just flowers..." She warned.

"Fine, I'll drag you with me," He walked quickly, Bela stumbling behind him.

I sat on the table, cowering like the idiot I was. I looked up like a little child, as his darkened eyes pierced through me. Aiyaa.

Belarus let go of Russia, but hovered a few feet away. He placed a hand on either side of me.

"Repeat what you just said da, I dare you," He threatened. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore.

"I don't give a fuck about your damn roses aru!" I yelled back at him. He pushed me to the table, pinning me there. He shackled my wrists with his hands pinning them above my head, leaning in. It hurt.

"Why?" He demanded, whispering.

"I don't care if they are for your sister or America, I don't care okay aru! J-just leave me alone!" I cried, "L-let go! I-it hurts aru! I give up okay! I give up!" I said desperately.

He laughed. He honestly laughed. I sat up.

"I-is me getting hurt funny to you aru?" I asked in disbelief. He nodded, still laughing. I slid off the table rolling my sleeves up, "I-if hurting me is funny, I'll give you something to laugh about aru."

"Wh-what are you going to do? Punch me?" He chuckled shaking his head, "Yao you're so-"

I tackled him. Hitting his chest as hard as I could, hoping it would make him feel what I was feeling. I felt weak, humiliated, and pathetic. And it hurt.

"Are you trying to make me laugh or-?" He said, suppressing a smile. I looked up. My eyes narrowed as I felt anger flow through me. I clenched my fists tighter, pulling back, then flinging it into Russia's face.

I punched him.

He stumbled back, though my victory was short. He clutched his face, hair falling onto his face. Almost immediately a dark aura emitted from him.

"Wo ai ni, Russia-san," I smiled cruelly.I felt...strange, like, I wanted to hurt him more. I also felt disgusted with myself.

"Why don't you hate me da?" Russia asked, realizing how mean he was acting.

"I thought you came here to tell China what you told me, and say sorry, not laugh at him and ask him why he doesn't hate you," Belarus sighed.

"..."

"I guess you aren't going to fix the mess..." She talked to herself, realizing Russia wouldn't respond. "But," Belarus sighed, "He isn't repairable...Nii-san..how could you ruin something like this?" She sank to her knees, wrapping her arms around me, sighing. I froze. What was up with her?

Ukraine walked up to me too, whispering, "A-are you okay China-san?" She asked wide eyed. I nodded.

"Sorry...China...sorry...I thought..." Belarus struggled to get her words out right.

"We all thought," I finished, closing my eyes. Belarus accepted me?

"I-I don't want to be masochistic anymore aru..." I whispered at Belarus, opening my eyes.

"Sorry China," Bela whispered. Ukraine stayed where she was, looking at us anxiuosly.

"A-aren't you going to do something Russia-san?" Ukraine chided him gently.

Russia suddenly looked deadly...dark. I shivered. What was wrong with him? His eyes were the usual purple, but they looked angry, dark. He grabbed my wrist, as he started to walk to the door.

"Hey! First you hurt him and now you are taking him!" Korea yelled. Russia stopped, striding to Korea.

"What was that?" He asked Korea softly, with a twisted smile. Korea looked at him wide eyed.

"U-um...I think Japan is c-calling me, Bye Russia!" He waved, about to turn, but Russia caught his wrist. Korea whimpered. I stuttered closer.

"H-hey...stop that..." Russia's grip tightened more.

I extended my arm out, grasping Russia's shoulder, so I wouldn't fall. I don't know why I couldn't walk. My legs were fine.

"Stop it," I whispered. "He didn't do anything wrong," I chided. Miraculously he let go of Korea, who yelped, skittering back a few steps.

His wrist was red, but it seemed fine. Russia sighed, then took my hand, not to hurt me, but to storm out of the room, dragging me along. No one stopped him. We mostly walked through the dense city, till we were away from the UN, near my house. (er...don't ask how it happened)

He stopped unexpectedly, running his fingers through his hair, turning to me. We were in the part of forest I recognized.

"Finally, I place where I can speak without getting interrupted by...certain people," He finished, narrowing his eyes.

"Okay, Yao, please don't interrupt, okay da?" I nodded. He took a deep breath, trembling slightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ruining everything. I'm sorry for loving America. I'm sorry for not getting over him. I'm sorry I can't love you back-" I opened my mouth to speak but he placed a finger on it, silencing me.

"I'm sorry for a lot for China. I'm sorry for hurting your family, for sending those flowers, f-for making you think that way..." He took another deep breath.

"Th-this might be a terrible excuse but...I d-don't know what to do anymore da...Bela is acting all weird, which makes me very scared. This morning she wanted me to marry her and now she wants me to be happy," He looked at me miserably, "And, America used me, and that hurt me a lot, because i took it seriously, and he decided not to. I-I feel so confused da...l-loving you back would make things worse and-"

I clamped my hand over his mouth, staring at him for a immeasurable amount of time. His eyes were slightly watery, and he looked to vulnerable.

I had to stand up on my tip toes, to my embarrassment, so our noses touch.

"H-how does loving me make it all worse aru?" I asked. He was right, those were lame excuses. Even saying 'I can't love you and I won't' would have been better.

"B-because...you ruined...me." He said softly. The anger I felt returned. Was I not good enough? He ruined me!

"And?" I asked.

"W-well...I don't know! You're confusing me!" He pushed me slightly, so I stumbled back on my heels. "I-I told Bela that I love you...so she would leave me alone..and then...then..I believed it myself and got roses...and then..." He stopped himself. I smiled at him. Its okay if he didn't love me, I reminded myself. I slowly walked closer to him, going on my tip toes again, wrapped my arms around his neck.

"B-bend down a l-little aru.." I blushed. He looked at me, pausing but did as he was told.

"C-can I tell you why I think you should think that loving me won't ruin you aru?" I whispered.

He gave me a quizzical look "Ch-china...it won't change my mind, which is why I'm s-sorry-"

I pressed my mouth against his urgently, holding his scarf with one hand to pull him closer. He had to see it coming.

My eyes drifted close. I never tried kissing him back...but it was nice. I crushed myself closer to him, hoping he would respond. Or just go along with it. His hands hovered in the air for a second, but wrapped around my waist, bringing me even closer. I shivered, as I felt a sudden jolt. For now it seemed like he wanted me. But...how long could I kiss last.

I pulled back, pressing against his chest. He must've taken it the wrong way. He forced my mouth open, kissing me deeper. My eyes flashed open at once. I-it felt weird at first, I forgot to breath for the first few seconds.

Then it turned into a huge mess. I don't know how I ended up on the floor, him on top of me. The atmosphere changed abruptly. I don't know why my simple kiss turned into a hungry, passionate one. Or why we were doing this for so long. Our tongues fought over for dominance. My face felt heated. I fisted Russia's hair.

Someone cleared there throat. At first I didn't register the sound, it blended into the background. Suddenly Russia was gone. His warmth, his mouth...just...was gone...I flashed my eyes open, sitting up, panting on the ground. Hong Kong had him by the arm, his expression blank and unreadable as usual.

"H-hong-K-kong aru..." I said huskily. I cleared my throat, surprised at my own voice. He looked at me waiting for an explanation.

"U-um...you can let go of him now..I guess I got carried away aru..." I laughed nervously. He dropped Russia, letting him go, striding off, down the path. From the far distance I could see Korea and my family coming. Hong Kong looked at me, then back at my family.

His version of a warning.

I pulled on Russia's arm. "L-lets move somewhere else aru..." I suggested. Hong Kong shrugged. Its was kinda nice...he warned us before anyone else saw.

Russia followed, quietly, till we were at my "hiding" place.

"S-sorry aru...I guess...I guess I got carried away..." I laughed nervously. He broke into a smile.

"N-no...I did too da..." He was an awkward silence following that.

"D-do you still feel confused aru?" I asked. The truth was, I don't think kissing helped. I think I kissed him simply because I wanted to. I liked it.

"Da," He nodded. I looked down upset. What was the whole point of that? The kiss was meaningless.

"I-I guess love is illogical then aru..." I concluded hopelessly. And I was a hopeless delusional idiot.

"I wonder what would happen if your brother hadn't stopped us da," He mused suddenly. Ignoring my realization.

I shuddered. If we went all the way... I felt anticipation rise. I was pervert.

He giggled, "A-are you thinking what I'm thinking da?" He poked my cheek. I looked up at him.

"I-I don't think this is f-funny aru..." Because I let myself get all excited on something that wouldn't happen. And it was weird and strange. I fidgeted. I shook my head, clearing some thoughts.

"Belarus said that..." I started, trying to change the subject.

"What?" He asked, still smiling.

"Th-that you...love me," I half whispered.

"Why do you throw around such big words all the time Yao?" He said, angry again.

"You've left me in a haze! You never give me straight out answers with these types of things! You keep flinging out excuses aru!" I shot back at him.

"That's becuase you sulk, making me feel guilty! I only did those things out of pity!" He snapped.

"...wow." I whispered. He pitied me. There was no real love/hate in the relationship I thought we had. He simply felt guilty. "I'm an idiot," I said. I had been messing my head up with delusions and "big words" as Russia said, that I didn't understand. Of course he would feel bad.

"No you're not," He replied. I shrugged.

"I-I owe you an apology aru...actually more, I owe you my thanks," I closed my eyes.

"China you need to lis-"

"I'm sorry Russia, and thanks for putting up with me aru," I smiled at him, hoping it looked genuine enough.

"What?" He said.

"I have to go home, explain the mess to my family, I hope they'll forgive me aru," I mused. And then I would cry my eyes out, like the pathetic lover I was.

"You never let me finish do you?" Russia pouted.

"What do you want to say?" I asked.

"I'm scared you might walk away...lets go to my home," Russia smiled, reaching for my hand. I felt comforted. I felt unbelievable. I couldn't believe how foolish i was acting.

But on the other hand, my arm was aching and I really wanted to sit down. We eventually reached the large house.

I stumbled into his house, unsure of how to behave. The place looked so clean and organized. There were oil paintings on the walls, and the carpet was thick. He waited patiently, smiling at me. He led me to a huge living room. There were a few crumpled and torn papers on the floor.

"Wait here da...I'll go get bandages at stuff," He looked at me frowning momentarily, before walking off. My eyes wandered around the room, till I fell upon this little dolls. They looked adorable, in a neat little row. I stood up, walking toward them. Russia wouldn't mind if I looked up close...

A strange place to end a chapter. I'm so sincerely sorry I didn't update mich sooner.(again) I was just so absorbed into more yaoi pairings and anime. 8D
I tried updating quickly so I didn't get to give a full inspection after writing, like I have been doing lately in the past few chapters.

Please review!