Alive And Victorious Chapter 18: 18 Not a role model, a naruto fanfic

This chapter was planned long ago before Shippuuden ep.261 was released. That's why my story is not following the anime plot from now on.

Story image by tariah23 . deviantart . com

I have her permission to use it.

No betareading.

Thank you very much for comments, favs and follows.

Enjoy.

o0o0o0o

Alive And Victorious

Chapter 18. Not a role model

I only want to say that I love you, Gaara.

Speechless, the Kazekage could only stare at his girlfriend, as if caught in some kind of trance. Matsuri sent him an uncertain glance, and fidgeted, apparently nervous with his lack of acknowledgment. She began to stutter, and all he could think of was to put his fingers across her lips, to block the noise from interrupting the continuous echo in his head.

I love you, Gaara.

Even if she wanted to catch him off guard in purpose, she couldn't have chosen any better moment. Telling the story of his past had left his entire being literally hurting, as if he had been scrubbed raw from the inside out. His head spinned, his breathing was laboured, and weren't those wet marks on his cheeks a trace of tears? The tears he hadn't shed for he didn't even know how long?

And then she said that she loved him.

Stunned, he raised his hand and touched Matsuri's cheek. She closed her eyes as if taking delight in the caress, and he leant in, watching her intently. She seemed to be lost in the sensation, but it perturbed him that he couldn't see her eyes. For that, he pulled his hand back, putting it on her shoulder, and she sighed, as her eyelids slipped up slowly, revealing two onyx orbs. Their gazes met, and the redhead briefly thought he should declare his feelings for her, either. Only he couldn't.

The horrors left in his wake were not entirely his fault, yet he still deemed himself responsible. Hoping that his willingness to rule the village and even sacrifice himself to protect it when needed would erase what he had done in the past, he didn't hesitate even once. The people of the village began to accept him, and they grew to maybe even love him, especially after Shukaku's removal, but it seemed that his sense of guilt couldn't be done away with by what others thought of him.

Before Matsuri favoured him with it, he was hardly aware that he direly needed it - the final act of liberation, coming along with her silently given forgiveness. Now the shackles binding him to his past fell, suddenly and unexpectedly, as if melted by the tears of his greatest regret. Emotionally exhausted and confused, he felt utterly vulnerable and helpless, so he only embraced his girlfriend, inwardly apologizing for not being able to say that he loved her as well.

Actually, he'd been trying to say it a few times before, but the time always seemed to be wrong. Also, Matsuri didn't seem to care, so he decided to leave it for later. If he knew what would happen he would have found the strength to say it. Maybe.

His girlfriend cuddled closer to him, and he held her tighter, mentally dismissing the thought. They were fine, finally, and even if he was still furious at the remembrance of his rival's messing and his brother's doings, he couldn't deny that their actions had led to rather happy ending. The war was upon ninja world, and it might be he would part with Matsuri forever. He didn't realize earlier how much it meant to him, to hear the declaration from her lips, and he didn't want to lose the chance to say the most important words to her, either.

But still, he couldn't tell her.

Brushing the top of her head with his lips, Gaara hugged her closer, unwilling to let her go even for a second. The girl leant against him so easily, and exhaled deeply. He glanced down, spotting the glimpse of her closed eyes, her expression serene as her cheek rested against his chest. Relaxing into the embrace, he breathed deeply, as the awareness of her curves pressing against his body grew more and more acute. He had got familiar with this sensation already, yet its intensity upset him a bit, even now. He always refused to indulge himself in powerful emotions, but this time powerful didn't even begin to describe it. The longer he inhaled Matsuri's scent and kept his hands upon her smaller frame, the harder it was to control the tingling in his fingertips, as the need to discover, to taste, to possess, grew in a rapid pace.

There were times when he had done it already. During their many trainings, he tasted what was not exactly his to taste, and only Matsuri's apprehensive, pleading gaze made him stop. It was the first time he had discovered how strong physical yearnings could be. He knew, then, that she would have been shocked and scared, if she had known the truth, so he withdrew. But now, it was certainly a different story, and he was aware that at this very moment he came to the point when he had to send Matsuri away immediately, or follow the burning need.

Leaning backwards a bit, the redhead looked at his girlfriend. Her appearance ruffled a bit, she glanced at him with half-lidded eyes, smiling dreamily. His gaze promptly dropped to her lips, as he brought his fingers upon the soft flesh, his touch gentle as the faintest breeze. Momentarily, he sought Matsuri's eyes, only to find the trembling anticipation in them. Fascinated as always, he leant in to catch his own reflection in ebony depths, as his palm slipped under her chin, raising her face so he could place a delicate kiss upon her forehead. Her eyes slipped shut as he went down, brushing against her eyelids with his mouth, briefly reveling in the sensation of her eyelashes tickling his lips. Swallowing, she slowly locked her arms around his neck, as he laid another kiss on the tip of her nose. The feeling of her warm breath seemed to filter through his skin, increasing his blazing inner heat and threatening to flood his body with it. When his lips finally descended upon hers, the time and space whirled around him in a dazzling flicker, leaving him lost and desperately searching for air, as if the kiss completely took his breath away.

Gaara didn't know how it happened or when, but he suddenly realized they weren't standing in the middle of his room anymore. Matsuri was sitting on his desk, quietly moaning into his mouth as the feeble, almost imperceptible shivers went down her body. Her thighs were spread wide as he pressed himself against her, holding her bottom so she wouldn't shift under the force of his hips thrusting forward. Both of them still had their clothes on, but he couldn't promise it would be that way for too long, since one of his hands had already slipped under Matsuri's shirt. Moreover, he could feel her palms upon his body, her probing fingertips slowly stroking his sides under the net shirt he was wearing.

As he swiftly recalled their actions from the last several minutes, he could remember quite clearly how it came to this. He remembered how the kiss grew more and more passionate, how his hands began to travel up and down Matsuri's body, and how her responsiveness had finally stripped him of all of his still remaining inhibitions, leading him to push her towards the desk.

And he remembered something more. He remembered how the words he had wanted to say easily tumbled off his lips, mixed into their pants and whimpers, and how sweetly Matsuri gasped at the declaration.

So it wasn't as difficult as he had thought before, after all.

Oddly enough, the notion made the logical part of his mind suddenly click. The redhead backed lightly, withdrawing his hand from under his girlfriend's shirt, and swallowed.

"M-Matsuri," he whispered hoarsely. "We'd better... better stop—"

The kunoichi blinked and looked around drowsily, as if woken up from a deep slumber. Her gaze focused on him, at last, and she licked her lips, the action making him avert his eyes hastily. Actually, he didn't want to stop. He wasn't even sure why he said they should stop. He supposed his sense of security must have been disturbed too greatly due to the recent events, and he needed to recover completely, before he would give himself to her, and claim her his.

He took another step backwards, to give her more space. She glanced at him and started smoothing out her attire in silence. Gaara watched her, desperately attempting to cool down his eager libido, since the elation overwhelming his senses was still dangerously powerful. Matsuri ran the trembling hand through her hair, and let out a sigh, shooting another glance at him. He didn't know if she wanted him to say something, but even if she did, the only words he could manage at the moment would be an invitation to continue, so he remained silent, just in case.

The girl smiled shyly and hesitated, before she wordlessly headed for the exit. Coming to a halt right before she would step through the threshold, she glimpsed at him over her shoulder, and timidly swept her hair behind her ear.

"See you—"

"—tomorrow," he finished quickly with a nod, as he suddenly regretted his decision to let her go. In two days, he would go to the war, and there was no telling if he would ever return. Naturally, the Alliance simply had to win. There was no other option. But still, Akatsuki was powerful. Most of its members could equally fight a Kage. True that only a few had left, now, but they obviously had a plan and believed themselves to be victors in an oncoming war. And if the Alliance would be defeated and most of the shinobi killed, maybe, just maybe, sending Matsuri away hadn't been such a great choice.

The door was shut with a quiet noise, and Gaara was left alone in his room.

o0o0o0o

The air in the Kazekage's office, usually quiet and businesslike place, was thickening in a rapid pace, as the leader of Sunagakure scowled at his girlfriend. Matsuri held her ground, as she put her hands on her hips, her eyes throwing daggers at the redhead.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing," she seethed furiously. "Gaara, I'm not staying in the village!"

"Yes, you are," he replied calmly, his composure apparently outraging her even more.

"I'm going with you!" she argued, raising her voice a bit, still careful not to freak out too loudly since they were in the Kazekage's office, no more no less. "I'm not staying here while all of my friends would go to the war!"

Gaara didn't answer, and she could hardly stop herself from jumping at this annoying desk of his and grabbing his annoying white robe, to shake the annoying stubbornness out of him, and fast. Whatever he would say, she wouldn't stay in the village, period.

Naturally, she wouldn't dare to argue with him that way if he wasn't her boyfriend. She would quietly obey, no matter if she liked what she had been ordered to do, or not. But now, the situation was insufferable. He knew that she loved him, and he said he loved her as well, yet he denied her joining the war troops.

At the moment, she wasn't exactly sure if she still loved him, or maybe she had just begun to hate him.

"You're staying in the village," Gaara drawled, obviously irritated by her mutinous attitude. "I will say no more."

Matsuri ground her teeth with a snarl. She knew that tone of his. Oh yes, she knew it perfectly well. When he said he would say no more, he meant it. Definitely.

"I'm sure you won't, Kazekage-sama!" she screamed, fully aware her conduct was immature, but she couldn't care less at the moment. She stormed out of the office without looking back, her fists clenched. Muttering the profanities under her breath, she miraculously managed to say goodbye to Kashiko-san, ignoring the assistant's curious glances.

The disappointment and indignation boiled in her incessantly. When she had come to the office, she was nervous a bit, but still happy, and Gaara's order was like slamming the door in her face. She still couldn't believe he told her to stay. Her friends were going to fight, he was going to fight, and yet he commanded her not to leave the village. Her very first thought, even if she didn't utter it, was that he deemed her not skilled enough to clash with mighty enemies. It was mortifying, to say the least. Yes, she wasn't amongst top ten ninjas in the village, but she was still pretty good, damn it!

Or maybe she wasn't.

Biting her lip, she told herself she wouldn't cry. Gaara cared about her, of course, that was why he denied her going to the war. She ought to be grateful. And happy. He would come back alive and victorious, and they would live happily ever after.

Bullshit.

Running down the stairs, Matsuri let the images she feared the most invade her mind. She didn't even have to strain her imagination too much, because she had seen it already. She had seen him falling, she had seen him being carried away by the enemy, and finally, she had seen him dead.

No living happily ever after. No victory. Only bitterness and grief, till the end of time.

The girl went out of the building, her feet moving on their own, as they carried her towards the cliffs, towards the tombs area. Since she had grown apart from her friends, she found herself visiting this place more often. It depended on her mood where she would go. When she was glad, she was going to her grandfather's grave. When she was sad or angry, she was often finding herself in front of Elder Chiyo's grave, and talking to the deceased woman she didn't even know was always helping her to calm down.

When she arrived at the spot, the plan was formed in her mind already. She would disobey the direct order given by her superior, and follow the troops secretly. Whatever punishment would be meted later, she would face it bravely. It couldn't be worse than the prospect of losing Gaara for ever.

The remembrance of her precious redhead made her resolution waver for an instant. He would be so mad at her. She could just see his face, the fury written all over his features. How would he punish her? A year exile on the border post? Two years? Matsuri has never heard of any ninja who would disobey Kazekage's order. Therefore, she had no slightest idea what punishment would have awaited her if she had done it.

With a sigh, the girl slowed down her pace as the white gravestones appeared in front of her. From what she had heard from others about Elder Chiyo, the old kunoichi would scoff at her and chastise her for being selfish. But still, the people who had known Elder Chiyo were shocked by her actions after the Kazekage's abduction. Apparently, the old puppeteer had changed, and maybe she wouldn't deny Matsuri following her heart, after all.

Kneeling down, Matsuri briefly bowed to the tomb, letting the anger go. She admitted to herself she had reacted too emotionally to Gaara's words. Her outburst had most likely confirmed him in the belief that it would be better if she stayed in Suna. She should have kept her cool and try to discuss the matter, but she was too hurt by what was actually nothing more than her assumption, that Gaara deemed her to be weak. And, as he had pointed out earlier, she should have more faith in herself. She knew she was good. She was good. So why did she let this conversation perturb her to such extent?

Lost in thoughts, the girl jabbed at the sand with her index finger, as she started drawing things, her mind wandering back to the last several days. Those were hard, exhausting days, to put it mildly. She felt like she had lost a part of herself, first, then had got another part, and she still needed time to adjust to the change. Maybe that was the answer she was searching for. She simply wasn't herself these days.

Maybe Gaara wasn't himself, too. Maybe he would regain his senses and rethink what he had said to her. Maybe he would even change his mind.

The thought made Matsuri's heart throb, from happiness and fear. She would be happy to follow Gaara to the battlefield, but she was terrified by the possibility of defeat. There would be no Elder Chiyo this time. There would be only—

I don't want to live a life of a ninja, Matsuri thought suddenly. Grandfather Aoba was right. It's nothing glorious or enviable about it. Just look at Gaara, at what they had done to him. If being a ninja means placing such a burden on other people, and accepting similar burden on myself, then I don't want to be a ninja.

Shocked, the girl stared at the quirks and spirals she had unconsciously drawn in the sand. The conclusion only added to her confusion, instead of soothing her. The entire world was on the brink of the war, and the last thing she needed was wallowing in doubt, but she couldn't help it. Not after learning the truth about Gaara's past. However, Gaara himself didn't seem to refuse his destiny. He had found the strength in himself, somehow, and willingly took the responsibility for Sunagakure. If he could have done it, she could surely do the same.

Suddenly, she fully realized how many things she still didn't know and wanted to ask him, but there was so little time left. Indulging in pointless arguments was one of the stupidest things they could do in the current circumstances. With that thought, she swiftly rose to a standing position, and headed towards her house. Actually, she wanted to go and see Gaara, but he wouldn't have a time for her at the moment, most likely. That's why she decided to wait till the sunset, even if it still didn't guarantee she would have a chance to apologize and talk him into changing his mind.

After coming home, Matsuri settled herself next to the window and begin to watch the Kazekage Tower. The activity in the building was still enormous, and no wonder. Most of the ninjas were going to depart in two days, and only a few troops were standing behind, including her, unfortunately. Of course, she understood some people must have stayed to defend the village in case the Akatsuki would try something wicked, but her personal feelings prevailed over logical reasons. She simply wouldn't bear sitting around and doing nothing, while Gaara and her friends would fight for the entire world's sake. And if, by any chance, his time - or hers - was coming to an end, she wanted to be constantly by his side, till the very end.

Matsuri bit her lip, refusing to immerse in depressing ruminations. She knew what Gaara would say in answer to her doubts, that the fight was lost even before it started if she let her spirit wither. Naturally, it was easy for him to say such things, once he had become the Kazekage. He had this particular gift, his unique ninjutsu, which didn't go away even after removing the Bijuu from him. It meant he wasn't only powerful as a Jinchuuriki. He was powerful as himself. And that was something she lacked...

Sighing, Matsuri thought to herself that she was an optimist by birth, but she obviously couldn't succeed at maintaining her cheerful, slightly idealistic attitude at the moment.

As the evening came, she grew more and more restless, until she couldn't wait any longer. She left her apartment and walked towards the Tower, deliberating over the best strategy of approaching the building close enough to find out what Gaara was actually doing, and if there was a chance to see him at all.

She slowly paced down the streets in circles, still far from achieving her goal. The jounins and ANBU were rushing in and out, but there was no hope she would get any sign from them. Eventually, the elders began to go out from the Tower, which could hopefully mean the daily debates were over. Matsuri was very alert, straining her ninja instincts to give her any prompt. Gaara was always perfectly masking his chakra, and only skilled sensory ninjas could perceive him, but forntunately, the feeling of the chakra wasn't the only thing, which could help her pinpoint him. And now, her instincts were telling her he certainly wouldn't go to sleep that night, and tomorrow's night as well. She asked him once if he had been sleeping at all after having Shukaku taken out of him. Hardly, he had said, avoiding her gaze, and she asked no more, but from what she had experienced later, she knew that he wasn't sleeping, while being under pressure or feeling insecure, especially when the moon was full. And now the redhead was definitely being under a fair amount of pressure, which meant he would most likely work till the next day, or leave the Tower to find the refuge in one of the highest points in the village, the top of the Tower included.

Several ANBU guards left the Tower, heading towards the gates, and finally, the Kazekage appeared in the doorway, with a few guards following him. Oddly enough, he had the gourd strapped to his back, and Matsuri gasped at the thought that he was secretly leaving the village. Shaking her head in a wordless response to her own doubts, she recovered quickly, and stepped closer into the dim half-light, waiting till he would set his eyes upon her. At the dismissing wave of his hand, the ANBU merged into the shadows, as the redhead approached his girlfriend.

"Sneaking out?" she joked lightly, with a faint, tentative smile curving her lips. "Can I go with you?"

The Kazekage eyed her with a serious expression, as if considering her request thoroughly.

"Gaara, I'm sorry for earlier," she said, eventually. "I realized we have so little time left. I want to spend all that time with you. That is, if you'd let me" she said, her voice distinctly quieter.

The redhead nodded slowly, officially.

"I'm going to the desert, to work on my techniques," he said, and Matsuri lowered her gaze for a second, as she took his words for an indirect refusal.

"I see," she said with a small, painful sigh. "Sorry for disturbing you."

The realization slowly dawned on Gaara, as he shook his head briefly.

"I'm glad you came," he said in a low voice. "If you find watching it interesting, I'd be more than happy to take you with me."

Matsuri stared at him, surprised by his choice of words. It didn't quite sound like Gaara she used to know, but she supposed it was due to the circumstances. They were not entirely alone, since the ANBU were surely watching them, so he was careful not to get too sentimental. But still, he seemed to be actually happy she had come to see him, and it was worth anything.

"Of course I find it interesting," she whispered, leaning in. "I bet you're going to do something enormous, aren't you?"

She didn't even know how wrong she was.

Several hours later, in the dead of the night, she still didn't entirely recover from the initial amazement. Actually, enormous didn't even begin to describe what Gaara was doing with his sand, and Matsuri briefly wondered if he seriously thought someone could not find watching that compelling. He himself was most likely bored with repeating the same move hundreds of times, as she often was during her own practice, either. Developing new techniques and mastering the old ones recquired so much work, and only the final effect was spectacular. That is, if one was lucky enough.

Anyway, she was absorbed completely, as she didn't feel like sleeping or eating at all. She had already settled herself comfortably on the sand platform, which was floating in the midair, and enjoyed the view, as the waves of sand below her were continuously rising and falling at Gaara's command. His reserves of chakra were quite considerable, allowing him to train that long, but Matsuri could see the first signs of exhaustion. It didn't took long when he finally stopped, and brought her to the ground. The girl jumped down neatly before the sand carrying her descended onto the dune, and approached her boyfriend, who had already sat down and began to drink the water from his canteen, gazing at the half moon. Matsuri settled herself next to the redhead, and smiled, as he glanced at her from the corner of his eye, still sipping the water. Eventually, he put the canteen into his pouch, and grasped Matsuri's hand. The kunoichi squeezed his palm, entwining her fingers with his, and wondered how to begin the talk about including her among the war troops.

"You don't seem to be very tired," she commented, as she decided that it would be better to start with the lighter topic. "I wouldn't be able to drag myself from the bed for a few days, if I would train that long and intensely."

Gaara stared at the moon again.

"It's nothing in comparison to how I was when Ichibi was still sealed within me," he finally replied, and the girl blinked. "I'm just stating the fact," he added at her slightly astonished expression. "I didn't mean I miss him."

"I see," she said, suddenly pensive. "I thought before that I envied you, but..."

"Exactly," he nodded, acknowledging what she didn't say. "The price for wielding such power is too high to pay."

The momentary shudder went down Matsuri's body, as she took a hint immediately.

"Yes, it's just tremendous," she said quietly, and Gaara only glanced at her. "But if I was powerful, you would take me to the war with you, wouldn't you?" she added, her voice tinted with sadness. "I'm simply not good enough."

"You are good enough," the redhead protested, as he stroked her palm with his thumb.

"Then why?" she demanded, turning her head and holding his gaze firmly. "Why can't I go to the war?"

"Because..." Gaara began, his grip on her hand tightening. "Because I love you, Matsuri, and I can't let you die."

The girl swallowed in silence, her heart throbbing sweetly at those words.

"I love you, too," she echoed in a whisper. "And I want to stay by your side till the very end."

Gaara brushed her cheek with his fingers, before his gaze hardened.

"I have already weighed my options, Matsuri," he stated matter-of-factly, withdrawing his hand. "And I decided I can't risk including you among the war troops. This war recquires putting the complete and utter focus on it, and I have to get rid of all distractions."

"So I'm the distraction, now," she said in a hushed, sad voice, looking away at the starry sky above the sand dunes, as the throbbing in her chest slowly turned painful.

"Yes, Matsuri, you are," he said, his tone final and steady. "I can't go to the battle while constantly worrying about you. I must know you are safe from the Akatsuki."

Matsuri looked at him with her eyes wide.

"I can't quite believe what I'm hearing," she said, half-serious, half-kidding. "What happened to all those ninja rules? Don't you know a ninja ought to control his emotions, to restrain them with an iron fist of his reason?"

Gaara didn't seem to be disturbed by her mentioning the ninja rules.

"I know," he acknowledged indifferently. "Obviously, I'm not a role model."

The girl giggled, wrinkling her nose funnily at this self-criticism.

"Sure you're not," she said. "And I like it that way," she added, glancing at him tenderly. "But please, Gaara, try walking in my shoes. What happens if you... you know... if the Alliance would be defeated and you—" She broke off.

"I told you I have already weighed all options," the redhead uttered after a few minutes of silence. "And I believe I made the best decision."

"Aren't you going to change your mind?" Matsuri asked, even if she already knew the answer. Gaara shook his head, and the girl sighed, pulling back her hand and embracing her knees with her arms. "Sometimes I wish you weren't so stubborn," she commented, and he slanted the meaningful glance at her.

"Don't even think of following me," he remarked, and the kunoichi flinched, blushing.

"I have never—" she started with an outright lie, but he interrupted.

"Yes, you have."

"I have not!"

"Yes, you have. Don't even try to deny it."

Matsuri growled at him. "Sometimes I really hate you."

Apparently, the Kazekage didn't care. "But you had just said that you loved me," he only reminded her, and she pursed her lips to stop the laughter from coming out, but the corners of her mouth still quivered, betraying her.

"You're insufferable," she commented, rolling her eyes.

"Look who's talking."

At that, she could restrain herself no longer, as she began to giggle uncontrollably, pressing her fingers against her lips. Eventually, the laughter died out, and she inhaled heavily, throwing her head back and gazing at the stars.

"The desert is so beautiful at night," she said in a wistful voice.

"Hn," Gaara replied.

Matsuri sighed again.

"I don't want to go home at all," she complained.

"Hn," the redhead muttered, and she smirked.

"Growing talkative again, aren't you?" she joked.

Gaara scowled at her, and she raised her hand in a defensive gesture.

"Don't give me that look!" she whined. "You're scaring me!"

"Am I?" he inquired sarcastically, obviously unconvinced, and Matsuri only grinned. The redhead rose to a standing position, and she stood up as well.

"I'll walk you home," he announced, and Matsuri's heart almost leapt from her chest. They headed towards Suna's gate in silence, holding hands. With every step, more and more tremors were shaking her body. She had made the certain decision, earlier, but now she doubted she would have enough courage for that...

When they entered the village, she was so nervous that her legs started wobbling. If she had any choice, she wouldn't have done what she had in mind, yet, but unfortunately, the choice was hers no longer. There was still a huge possibility that it was their last rendezvous, and she couldn't just let the chance slip.

The apprehension was almost unbearable, as they went into the building and climbed upstairs. Matsuri swallowed, not even certain Gaara would think about it, either. From what they had been doing in his room earlier, she could unmistakably tell he wanted her badly. However, if he deemed it another distraction, he would probably simply kiss her goodbye and go away.

And, if they were lucky enough, he would return in several months.

If they were lucky enough...

The couple reached the last floor, and they stopped. The light was dim there, but Matsuri could still see the redhead's face. Suddenly, she felt the strange lump swelling up in her throat, as she stared at this wonder called Gaara. She knew his face as she knew her own, but she still felt compelled to memorize his features for this one last time.

"I won't follow you," she began, and sniffled. "But you have to promise me, Gaara, that you will come back. That you will come back alive and victorious, do you understand me?"

The redhead embraced her mutely, and she hid her face in his chest. Not that he would promise her what she had asked. He couldn't make such a promise, and she was aware of that.

"Gaara..." she whispered, her voice muffled by the fabric of his coat, all the sadness and despair poured into that one word. He hugged her even tighter in return, and she sank her fingers into his arms, biting her lip. So this was it. The farewell. Of course, he wouldn't march away in the next twenty four hours, but she knew he would have no time to see her before the departure.

She raised her head, and traced her fingers along his jawline. The feeling of his skin under her fingertips... It was still new, it was still confusing, but also, the temptation of it was simply irresistible. She could feel Gaara's intense stare upon her face, but she carefully avoided his eyes, as she brushed against the corner of his mouth with the pads of her fingers, the remembrance of their previous kisses surfacing her consciousness effortlessly. The kisses, which were instantly snaring her under his spell...

She wondered briefly if he knew at all what he had done to her. It started quite a long time ago... with a dream. The most embarrassing dream she had ever had. She misinterpreted the meaning of the dream, then, but now, she knew. Actually, she still wasn't completely ready for turning that dream into reality, but her time was up.

Licking her suddenly dry lips, she locked her trembling hands around Gaara's neck, and timidly gazed into his eyes. In the response to her action, his grasp on her waist tightened, and his stare grew unbearably intense, as if he was trying to look into her soul, to its very bottom. Matsuri wondered what it exactly was what he wanted to see, but she couldn't tell, of course. Her breathing grew laboured, as she fought the conflicting feelings. She decided she wouldn't be able to tell him bluntly what she wanted, but still, she could let her actions speak for themselves. Slowly, she wove her fingers into his hair, pressing against the back of his head with her palm. The redhead complied, gradually leaning in, as his eyes glittered in the half-light. The girl tilted her head, as her eyes started slipping shut on their own, right before Gaara's breath fanned over her face.

The kiss was very tentative, delicate, just like it was their first. Matsuri was slightly surprised, but then she realized Gaara was oddly tensed up, as if he was forcing himself not to indulge too much. Was he afraid they would lose control, like they did the last time?

Actually, Matsuri hoped for it. And she needed it to happen rather fast, before Gaara would decide that he had to go.

She stood on her toes, pushing against him with her entire body, gently at first. The redhead didn't loosen his grip on her; only brought one of his hands even lower, until his fingers settled against the curve of her backside. However, he still kept the kiss chaste, hardly parting his lips, even if his breathing grew hitched already. The kunoichi licked his upper lip with the tip of her tongue, and withdrew quickly, as her fingertips clawed at his coat. Apparently surprised by her boldness, Gaara held his breath for a second, so she dared to repeat the movement, only making it slower this time. Even if he planned to resist, the mounting excitement got the better of him, as he responded with entering her mouth with his tongue. At first, it was a probing, unsure gesture, as if the redhead was going to pull back at any time. Gradually, the caress grew more insistent and aggressive, and soon Matsuri could barely remember what this was all about. The only thing, constantly seizing her mind and enthralling her senses, the only thing that truly mattered at the moment, was Gaara's warm, alive presence next to her, sending pleasant tingles down her spine, as his lips sensually worked over hers.

Thus, the trigger was pulled.

The end of chapter 18.

The next chapter: Like none other