China's POV
Greece was made arrangements to stay over the night. Belarus went home, saying it was too suspicious for her to be out and that she needed to arrange Liet's and Poland's double date.
I splashed cold water against my face, refraining myself to think. I patted my face dry with a towel, slid the rubber band from my hair and brushed through it. I sat down on my bed, staring at the painting which loomed across from me. The same painting Russia admired what seemed to be ages ago. I was far from sleepy. I gritted my teeth, allowing thoughts through my mind.
Russia. A thousand emotions rose in me. My mind churned.
How did I fall in love with Russia in the first place? Was it how he always had this pleasant cute voice? His fondness for warmth and sunflowers? Or perhaps how my bed didn't seem so big when he was sleeping next to me (if only for one innocent night or so).Up until he started dating America there was something about him. He seemed so guarded. Anyone who talked to him or tried to get to know him he shunned away by using fear. But there was no doubt he probably felt lonely. How could anyone not see that? Even Belarus thought he didn't want to admit it because he was stubborn. He was, but more importantly he was scared. Scared that I would hurt him like America.
I gritted my teeth. America. If only I was a few minutes earlier than him. It's not fair aru. Maybe my bed wouldn't seem so big, and the painting wouldn't seem to loom over it. Maybe Russia and I would have shared more than just two painful kisses; one was apathetic and forced the other passionate but meaningless. Both very confusing.
But he still didn't understand. I felt frustrated. How can I love someone so much who felt nothing for me? This plan was pointless, completely futile…but yet…
Why would he scare Japan if he didn't care about me or who I was with? If he didn't care he wouldn't attack my family, unless he was jealous. So Belarus was right, Russia did have feelings for me. Despite myself I felt my insides warm, knowing this. Hurting me, to deny his feelings, but still getting jealous at Japan, proof that he indeed does have feelings.
But to scare Japan the way he did? That was dirty. It's not fair aru. He was fighting dirty, doing everything he could so he would not fall in love with me. I felt anger, sparking in me. Belarus realized this, and decided it was time to toughen up and make me fight dirty too. But what she didn't understand the reason he was pushing me away.
What is he thinking? That I'd hurt him like America? He was pushing me away before I could even try and fight for us… I was definitely going to fight dirty for our love, because maybe, just maybe there was a slight possible chance Belarus's plan might work. Whether he likes it or not, this time I was going to play the mind games. I was going to fight dirty, more dirty than he would ever know he had coming. And he would love me in the end, for sure.
I gave a sigh, suddenly feeling felt exhausted. Wo ai ni aru…I lay my head on my pillow and within moments I fell asleep.
"Aniki!~," A voice called out and I felt something pounce on me, knocking the breath out of my chest. My eyes flashed opened and I tried to detangle myself from my blanket and Korea.
"What the hell aru!" I cried out.
"Get off him Korea!" Taiwan scolded.
"What I'm just waking him up!" He said sheepishly before getting off of me. I put a hand over my chest, gasping.
"I almost suffocated aru!" I yelled at him.
Taiwan opening the curtains, letting in morning light, "You're usually the first one up Gege, everyone's downstairs. Thailand made tea and breakfast," She added before shoving Korea out the door, leaving. I heaved myself off the bed, rubbing my temples.
Greece and Japan were sitting next to each other. Japan met my eye and gave a nod and gentle smile; though his eyes still looked sort of off. I took my cup of tea Hong Kong pushed forward to me. I took a sip before clearing my throat.
"Japan aru," I began, "I know you probably don't want to continue the plan, which I understand perfectly aru. I don't want you to feel upset or anything, and it's not your fault aru….Belarus and I will think of something else, I'm sure,"
They both exchanged glances. "Greece and I talked about it," He began, "A-and I don't want to give up on it yet. Besides, that'll just ruin everything we worked on," Japan said with hesitation, "Plus if Russia does love you…well I think he does or else he wouldn't have-"Japan shuddered.
"Japan said you made it clear you were unhappy so he thinks Russia won't do it again," Greece finished, smoothing Japan's hair. I was surprised by how nicely Greece was taking it.
"I don't mean to be rude or anything aru, but shouldn't you be furious with us aru?" I asked.
"I am upset," Greece frowned, "We talked about it and decided to….to compromise. Just as long as he and Russia don't end up alone again I'm okay with it,"
"You think so?" Korea asked doubtfully, "Maybe we should try a different way,"
"If we give up now then everyone'll get suspicious," Vietnam protested. I nodded.
"True, plus Belarus'll get upset, and we don't need that…" Taiwan added.
"I can take care of myself," Japan encouraged.
"So I guess we're sticking to the plan huh?" Thailand smiled. Everyone nodded slowly.
"You guys annoy the hell out of me, constantly fight, rarely follow rules, always break things, but yet aru…" My throat constricted.
"We know Gege," Taiwan patted the back of my hand.
"It's what family is for," Japan smiled, reassuringly.
"By the way," Thailand looked at me, "A package came for you and Japan ana,"
"You guys already opened it, I assume aru?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Well, um, yes. We didn't touch anything though ana. It's from England," Thailand smiled sheepishly. He pushed a brown messily rewrapped package towards me. I opened the card. Sure enough, it was addressed to Japan and me. I opened the box.
"Scones aru?!"
Russia's POV
I rested my head against the window. It was snowing lightly. I sighed.
"R-russia-san?" Latvia called from the other side of my door.
"What is it?" I growled.
"W-w-will you j-join us for lunch?" He asked tentatively.
"No," I replied coldly. I heard his footsteps scurry away. I ran my fingers through my hair and took a sip of vodka. I turned around to face my room. Empty bottles littered the floor some broken, some half full, others empty. I would have to tell Latvia to clean my room. Or would he sell my bed to an antique shop like how he gave my everyday clothes to the museum? I closed my eyes. I hadn't left my room since my encounter with China and his brother yesterday. I gritted my teeth and angrily punched the window. Glass shattered and landed on the snow in pieces. Cold brisk air and bits of snow filled the muggy room. I drew in a sharp clean breath. It cleared my head a bit.
Maybe I should go down for a bite to eat. I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. I sauntered down the long halls, looking at the paintings, admiring the same Mataryoshka dolls China kept looking at, taking my time thinking so my mind didn't wander to….
A doll broke into brittle pieces in my hands. I sighed, shaking my head.
"So Liet, where were you this morning?" I heard Estonia saying.
"Poland and I went out with England and America this morning. I know you guys aren't into gossip much but it's about China," Lithuania began. I stopped walking.
"What about him?" Belarus asked with interest.
"I think he is going out with Japan," He imitated Poland with relish. Something in me snarled. My hands started shaking. I needed to hurt something.
"What?" Ukraine asked shocked. Boing Boing. She must've jumped from her seat in surprise.
"Yea. China dropped him off to the G8 meeting and whispered something in his ear and said he would be counting the minutes or something," My jaw clenched, " England said they seemed pretty happy about being together. He asked Japan about it, they started dating for a few days," He clarified.
"So looks like China's over Russia," Estonia surmised.
"Well I think it's nice," Latvia started, "I mean after Russia made China go through all that, I'm glad he is over Russia and moving on," Latvia said in a quiet voice. I entered the kitchen. Latvia was seated so his back was to me. The other Baltic's stiffened and Ukraine widened her eyes. Belarus just looked at me. Latvia didn't notice but continued talking, "I'm glad China's happy," I plastered a tight smile and placed a hand over Latvia's head.
"Is that so Latvia?" I asked pleasantly before pressing down. I saw the tremor race up his spine.
"R-russia-san," He stuttered weakly as I continued to press down, resisting the urge to crush his skull and watch little bits of his brain leak out of his-
"Why are you so upset Nii-san?" Belarus accused. I stopped pressing down on Lativa's head in surprise and he gave a quick sigh of relief.
"I'll take my leave," He squeaked before sliding off the chair and scurrying away. Lithuania, Ukraine, and Estonia watched Belarus who stood up staring pointedly at me.
"Why am I upset, da?" I asked in disbelief.
"You should be glad China is leaving you alone. Besides, I thought you felt nothing for the China, Nii-san," She explained darkly. Da, don't I?
"I don't," I replied automatically. She stared at me, her eyes penetrating into me. I quickly broke her gaze and looked at Latvia's empty seat, glaring at it.
"Is that so?" She questioned, smirking, "You seemed pretty upset with Latvia,"
"Bela, don't start with him. You know how Russia-," Ukraine warned.
"Fine," She cut off and with that, she strode past me. Estonia and Lithuania quickly followed her out. I expected Ukraine to follow them out but she stayed seating.
"Have a seat Russia," Ukraine nodded, smiling at me. I sat.
She had a knowing smile on her face, which she rarely wore. She usually had this childish, forgetful smile and her eyebrows were usually pushed together in worry. Ukraine pushed a plate of food toward me and a glass of water.
"Eat," She said, "I baked the bread this morning," I ate, not sure what passed through my mouth. Her elbows rested against the table top, her hands folded under her chin. She still wore than knowing smile.
"Eat," She repeated, seeing that I stop. I brought a forkful of food to my mouth. I continued eating, occasionally glancing up at her. This wasn't like her. She was usually babbling on and on, debating with herself about mindless things.
I looked down, realizing I finished. I felt surprisingly full and warm, and felt a rush of gratitude to Ukraine. I glanced at her before drinking the water down and set it down.
"Ano…what is it?" I asked.
"It's okay," Her smile widened, "I understand…" And she too, got up and left.
No you don't, da.
I felt as though a cold blast of air hit me and chilling the emptiness in my body. I felt like a child. A child lost in a white blinding blizzard. Lost and scared with nowhere to go. And lonely. Da, very lonely. Though the child wasn't alone. He had fear, hurt, and misery as his companions. Awful companions, but helped as the child took a stand, prospering, fighting, growing…he still felt lonely.
I stiffened at my own train of thought. What was I talking about? I wasn't lonely, and I wasn't miserable, I was the one feared, and I wasn't hurt. Or are you? I tiny whisper asked me.
I remembered my visit to Italy, my attempt to try and befriend him, the question I had sent to France on his radio show.
Others just don't understand me…that's all.
And if they think they do, they hurt me. I make sure they don't. But America fell through the cracks, in the most peculiar way I wasn't guarded for. But now I was foolproof. That way I don't need anyone. Is that so? It mocked. It reminded me an awful lot like Belarus.
No, I answered. Obviously all that vodka I've been drinking was finally getting to me, as rare as it may. I stood up. I needed to take a walk, my mind was clouding again.
I opened the door, greeted by a brisk wind and flecks of snow. I made the scarf cling more snuggly around my neck, and walked down a familiar path.
What about China? The voice asked, my own this time. Even before America, China treated me without preconception. He was one of the few people who enjoyed my company; make me feel…what was the word? Happy. Then after America hurt me, he started to get close to me, figuring me out, hurting me (even if unintentionally). China almost slipped through the cracks, almost. But not quite. The snowing stopped. And I wasn't going to let him.
He was probably copying America when he said he loved me. Though with China it felt genuine, passionate, confusing. He was an expert in that field then, compared to America. I loved China too, for a bit, falling for the trap. But I didn't let him. I don't love him anymore. That's right, I don't love him. He lied too. If he did love me then he wouldn't be with Japan. I felt anger rising. Japan, how dare he.
I stopped walking, looking around confused. I was in front of a familiar house. China's home. I should pay him a visit as friendly nations and neighbors. "I don't love him, da," I said firmly out loud as if it would make it sound more true. Then I knocked on the door.
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