China's POV
"Hey China, you're still up ana!" Thailand said, walking into the living room. I looked up from the television. He looked exhausted.
"Couldn't sleep aru," I sighed, turning off the TV I wasn't really paying attention to. I unfolded my legs from my chest.
"Well, I'm exhausted ana," He grinned and half- yawned as he heading up the steps, "I'm going straight to sleep. Goodnight,"
"Goodnight aru," I muttered.
I wanted sleep, to fall into the depths of unconsciousness but I felt restless. My mind felt clouded with thoughts.
Maybe some fresh air would help aru. I opened the front door silently, greeting the cold misty air and dim moonlit night. I shivered, standing alone for a few minutes.
A shadow appeared as it walked around the outskirts of the forest. At first I thought it was Belarus, but the light pink scarf caught my eye. Russia. For some reason I expected his arrival. These sporadic and untimely arrivals didn't seem out of the ordinary anymore. Actually, none of the things Russia and Belarus did seemed unnatural anymore aru, I thought humorously.
He stopped walking, seeing me on the porch. We stood in silence, me on the front porch, him on the outskirts of the forest; both of us probably wondering the same thing. I sighed, before raising a hand and motioned him to come closer.
"China," He greeted, "You're still awake da," He noted.
"Yea, I couldn't sleep aru," I bit my lip, unsure of what to say, "Why are you here aru?"
He looked puzzled, as if this question too, confused him. Idiot…I thought, smiling.
"I'm assuming you're just wandering the night aru?" I asked.
"A midnight walk da," He shrugged. How…I looked for the right word to explain his behavior. Russia of him aru…We stood there in silence for a while, again.
"Why don't you come in for a cup of tea?" I asked finally, motioning towards inside. He seemed hesitant, but came out from the shadows and walked up the front steps as I led him inside.
I moved around the kitchen silently, not wanting to wake my family. I hadn't told them about how I met Russia in the stream. They didn't need to know. I presented him with a cup of tea and sat across from him on my stool.
"France dropped by, we have an Allies meeting tomorrow da," Russia said, taking out a letter, "I thought that I would just drop it off at your door but you were awake so…" He trailed off.
"Okay," I blew the steam from my tea and took a sip, "Hungry aru?" I asked him. He shook his head, placing the letter on the countertop.
"Where is your family da?" He asked.
"Asleep aru," I answered back.
"All of them?" He asked. I frowned, perplexed, but nodded. He looked away as is thinking and then asked softly, "Is everything okay China?"
No.
I swallowed, "Yes aru, why do you ask?" I gave an unconvincing reassuring smile.
"Japan is keeping you happy da?" Oh.
"Of course aru," I replied reflexively.
"Do you think," He asked hesitantly, "Th-that maybe I could've…we… you….h-hap…" He trailed off, struggling to find words
"What aru?" I asked. I bit back a knowing smile.
"Nothing,"I felt my throat tighten as I saw his cheeks flush pink. He took a sip of tea, looking at me through his lashes and his blush deepened. Kawaii aru~
"My turn to ask something aru," I said, "Is everything okay Russia?" He blinked, but then nodded slowly.
"Liar," I whispered, wondering if he heard. He blinked again, though looking more vulnerable. I cleared my throat and spoke a little more loudly, "Sometimes when I look at you aru, you know what I see?" I asked casually, before taking a sip of tea.
"What da?" He asked softly.
"I see that child I saw many winters ago. Lost. Hurt. Fearful. Lonely…" He stiffened, looking at me with a guarded expression. I knew I stuck a cord. Then his expression smoothed into nonchalance.
"Really da," He shrugged off smoothly, feigning his cheerful voice, "You sometimes speak in such riddles!" He smiled but with a light frown.
I shrugged, "The child is still there, I can see him aru, whenever I look into your eyes,"
Just as the words left me I met eyes with Russia's. And it hit me again. My throat closed tight with emotion.
Why I fell in love with him in the first place. We locked our eyes together, violet with amber. Give that child what it needs aru… I wanted to add but the intensity of his gaze kept me silent.
Footsteps sounded down the stairs, "Hey China, I changed my mind, I actually am starving ana," Thailand walked into the dimly lit kitchen, surprised to see Russia, " What was for din-Oh…um, hi Russia," He said feebly. Russia broke our gaze and stood up.
"I'll see you tomorrow, da," He said thickly, his expression unreadable. I nodded and led him out the door before turning back to the kitchen. Russia didn't give a backwards glance as I shut the door behind him.
"What was that all about ana?" He asked curiously. Thailand opened the fridge and took out the leftovers.
"He dropped by to tell me about the Allies meeting I have tomorrow aru," I explained. Thailand smiled in confusion glancing up at the clock, but didn't say anything.
China's POV
I glanced down at my watch. I was late, a good half an hour late, which was usual. It wasn't like we got any work done anyways. Before I could open the door I heard the ruckus going on. I opened the door and saw England attempting to throttle France while America cheered on England. Canada was trying to stop it all and Russia sat, watching the argument commence.
"Ah, I guess it doesn't matter that I'm late then aru. The Western nations are going crazy again and it seems I haven't missed anything out of the ordinary," I announced, grinning.
"Crazy? You think we're crazy?" England growled as France took the opportunity to smack England in the head.
"Well the way you behave, how can anyone not think that?" France smirked as England went to his throat again.
"You're the one to talk you wine-loving bastard!" They resumed their cat fight.
"H-hey, you guys, stop! A-America, help me out," Canada tried earnestly. I narrowly avoided getting elbowed by France and slid into my chair.
"OHOHOHO! Nice hit England! Gogogo!" America slurped his soda cup. I settled down, grinning.
"Oh, impressed by your girlfriend, are you?" France retorted back, chuckling.
"Girlfriend?! I'll show you who's a girl!" England hissed. Canada quickly got into the middle of them, pushing them away from each other.
"Now that everyone is present, why don't we continue the meeting normally like civilized nations?" Canada asked weakly.
France relaxed by his touch, "Whatever. We were trying to find ways to sneak on the Axis during their training,"
"Don't think this argument is over," England scoffed and straightened his tie. He went to the chalkboard and picked up a piece of chalk.
"It never is, thanks to you," France tucked a lock of his golden hair back and sat down on his seat. England chose to ignore the comment.
"Well, the Axis are training in this part of the forest," England drew a circle around a region of trees, "And we can circle around this way," He drew an arrow.
"AND THEN CATCH THEM BY SURPRISE!" America finished, standing up, flecks of soda hitting everyone. I rolled my eyes, "I'll go in first with England. China and Russia as my backup. Then Canada and France will left with an important task; my backup! We can use team work and finish them off!" He said, fisting the air.
"Team work da?" Russia echoed.
"Idiot," Canada sighed.
"Um…that's a nice plan," England said before pinching America's ear. America whined, rubbing his ear sorely, "But I think it would be better to surround and ambush them,"
France sighed dramatically, "As much as I want to agree, with England I hate him, but I also hate America too, what a predicament!" Canada laughed.
"I'm in favor of England's plan da," Russia smiled. I nodded slowly. The meetings were amusing now that I noticed it. I use to spend too much time pining and watching Russia aru…I looked down to hide my sudden blush.
"Okay then," England straightened and jotted down a few more notes. I glanced over at America, who would usually start jabbering away again, but instead he kept silent with a thoughtful expression, as if he was considering England's plan.
"Wow, I think we're actually making progress aru, what did you do to America aru?" I teased England. England grinned at me slyly. America seemed unaffected by my comment.
He shuffled some papers before clearing his throat. "We should split up, Canada; you can take Italy from the front, since he won't be that hard. Germany's very strong but will probably try and defend Italy, China and Russia can take him. Japan on the other hand, is pretty clever, so I'll take him by the front and France'll take him by behind-"
"Excuse me aru!" I said sharply. England stopped, surprised, "What do you mean by letting my boyfriend getting taken by the behind by France aru!" I said with indignity, grinning.
"Oh, fine, I guess you can then- oh," England turned brilliant red. France chuckled and Canada started giggling again. I didn't look at Russia's reaction.
"I don't get it!" America protested, pouting.
"Well let me explain it to you!" France laughed before explaining it to him in vulgar detail while England kept trying to shut him up. I sank back in my chair with a satisfied smirk.
Russia looked at the chalk board with slight anger, his fists clenching and unclenching. It reminded me of how England behaved when Russia and America displayed their affection. But in a way it felt nice, knowing this time I held and pulled the strings.
The clock signaled the end of the hour and meeting.
England and America walked out the door with France closely tailing them. Canada shook his head, gave me a wave before following them.
"Oi, China, I forgot to tell you," England said walking back into the room, "Why don't you and I have tea this afternoon? My place?"
"It's been a while aru. Sure," I said. He nodded and went after the other Western Nations.
Seeing as no one was going to wipe the chalkboard other than Russia, who never did, I picked up the dry eraser and started erasing England's diagrams and notes.
"That was funny da, the joke you made" Russia said softly behind me. I whirled around. He looked out the window that overlooked the courtyard. The drastic change of Russia's face over the few days was plain to see. When he was with America his eyes were always bright, a big smile on face, looking so full and happy by false promises and acting on America's part. Now his face looked sunken in, dark circles under his eyes intense around his intoxicated violet eyes. His body seemed gaunter then it once was. I knew no one else probably noticed these changes.
I felt my stomach curl, knowing that Bela's and my plan only added to him forgetting meals, the lack of sleep, the heavy drinking.
I mustered a half-hearted grin and walked over to him. I looked out the window too.
England seemed to have caught up with them and was scolding America who seemed annoyed by it. He then swooped down and quickly kissed England and grinned. England stood there transfixed for a minute as America made a run for it, laughing like kid.
France probably made a vulgar comment as he walked passed England, since England started blushing before chasing after America who was running around the courtyard in a giant childish game of tag. I flicked my expression over to Russia. There was undeniable sadness in his eyes.
"You still miss him don't you aru?" I asked gently.
"Who?" He looked up at me, the sadness suddenly masked. I jerked a thumb out the window. He frowned, considering the question and replied slowly, "No, I don't," He sounded like he meant it, but I knew as long as no one else came to erase the scar America made on him, he would never forget him.
"He was no good for you anyways aru," I replied quietly. Russia shrugged, staring out the window.
"I guess so da," He said softly, absent-mindedly raising a hand letting his fingertips touch the window pane lightly, "It wasn't the fact that he didn't love me or that I l-loved him though,"
"Then aru?" I asked. He seemed hesitant to reply but I gave him a reassuring look.
"The fact he thought I wouldn't feel hurt. Like I didn't have feelings da," He whispered, "That he didn't know I would fall in lo- fall for it," He changed the words at the last second.
Anyone who got to know Russia or at first glance would think of him as heartless, aru. I cocked my head to the side, studying him.
No, I didn't see that aru. I thought decisively. Just that child…
I hesitantly placed my hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at me with glassy eyes, "Then he is an arrogant bastard aru, for thinking that," I said angrily. "If I could punch him in the gut again I would aru," I added and walked to the doorway.
"You punched him?" He asked curiously, straightening up. He followed me as I walked down the hall.
"Yep. Right in the gut aru," I grinned, motioning a fist ramming into air.
"Why?" He asked, a small smile playing on his lips.
"Well….I was angry at him aru," I frowned, but then decided to go with the truth, "He couldn't just get his happy ending and not even bother apologizing to you aru," My fists clenched from old anger. He didn't reply, processing the new information. We walked silently for a while and entered the courtyard.
It held bad memories.
"Why would you care if he apologized to me or not?" He asked. I stopped walking, pressing my lips together.
"Because…he took you for granted aru. Played with your emotions. I thought you realized that aru," I frowned. You're trying to corner me aru.
"So why did you-"
"What are you trying to say aru?"
"I'm saying that it wouldn't matter to you if you didn't care about me da," He said defensively. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply.
-" Because, I was his whole world till a few minutes ago...but now I'm not so sure da…" You're my whole world Russia-san, is that not good enough aru?
I looked down at my hands, "You still are to someone aru," I said, making my approach like England and America did. Russia suddenly stood up, angrily, getting the wrong idea.
"You can stop speaking in riddles China; you can stop with such stupid quotes. It has no meaning to me da," You're such a hypocrite Russia, are you saying my feelings are nothing aru? I didn't look at him in the eye. It's not fair aru.-
My eyes flashed open as I felt my heart ache dully; I was reopening was right. Time didn't heal them. Not that well at least. Not so fast aru. I'm fighting dirty.
"You're mixing up then and now, Ivan. Because I did care about you then aru," I replied, my heart still throbbing. He looked at me smugly. We sat down on the same stone bench.
"That's the answer you wanted right aru?" Ivan's face showed confusion.
"But I don't now aru. Not like I did then," I continued lying.
"How can you be so sure kol kol?" He asked darkly, but with frustration. I grinned humorlessly. Love and heartbreak strengthened me in ways I didn't even know.
"I can say the same to you, Russia aru," I retorted bluntly, "Let me ask you something aru. How can you be so sure you don't aru? Since when did you take such a sudden interest in me and Japan? You wouldn't want to know about me and Japan so much unless you-" I stopped abruptly, letting him finished it in his head.
He shook his head denying the thought.
I laughed bitterly, standing up and facing him, "How come every conversation we have nowadays get steered like this aru?"
"I don't know da," He whispered, his eyes darting around either side of me, not meeting my eyes. I sighed, and lifted his chin up, forcing him to look at me. He met my eyes, surprised by my actions.
"Well then, when you do know aru, tell me okay aru?" I replied gently. I stared at his eyes momentarily before letting go of his chin.
"Why don't you care anymore Yao?" Russia asked, looking at me, his brows pushed up into a soft but desperate frown. It was such a cute pleading look. The things you do to me aru…
"Because you said you didn't want me to anymore aru. You hurt me," I admitted. My hands started trembling as I crossed them over my chest.
"B-but I apologized da!" He protested. My eyes began to sting.
"And an apology obviously fixes everything, right aru? I'll forgive you just like that?" I asked sarcastically.
"…" I will forgive you aru. Just if you realize how you really feel about me.
"You need to get something straight aru," I drew in a deep breath, "I loved you, you didn't love me back aru. You hurt me. Now I love Japan and he loves me back aru. And now you want me to care about you aru? Now you want me back?" I asked incredulously.
He shook his head vigorously, denying it, "N-no! I don't care about you! And I never wanted you da! Ever!" He lied. It still stung me.
"Yes, I can totally understand. I mean; it's not like you…" I pretended to think, "…Oh I don't know aru, Start showing a sudden interest in me again and giving me presents? Not acting like you are suddenly jealous of Japan? Or ask why I don't care about you anymore aru, right? Nothing that outrageous! " I laughed dryly.
"…"He looked down, scowling at the floor.
"I mean I can totally understand that you feel nothing for me aru, right?" He didn't look up, "Right aru?" I felt my voice falter. Crap aru…
Ivan wasn't answering.
"I have to go, I'll see you later," I blurted out swiftly before leaving the courtyard.
Russia's POV
But I want you to care. Da, I really want you to care, I thought desperately. My heart beat wildly in my chest and I found it hard to breathe. What was I thinking? Why should I? I shook my head, watching China leave the courtyard. China is right, I feel nothing for him, da…
"I don't love you," I said out loud to nothing. My insides twisted uneasily and heart still pounded in apprehension. Leave it to China to make everything I made to collapse like this. At least with America I understood what was going on. Partly. I understood how I felt about what was going on, at least. With China everything seemed so jumbled, so uncertain.
I drew in a deep breathe and added, "I can't love you. Because if I love, you'll hurt me da," I found it easier to breathe and the apprehension subside.
A/N: Yao punched Russia too, once upon a World Meeting aru.
Oh and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUU for all of your lovely reviews! \(o3o)/ I love you guys sooo mucha!