AN: Sorry for another slow update. x[ But this summer has been crazy for me and now I'm (hopefully!) back for regular updates again!
Russia was already there, his scarf catching slightly in the breeze. He was sitting on the stone bench, his head ducked own. The sky was cloudy and it felt like it was going to rain again. I shivered, covering the distance quickly. He heard my footsteps and stilled. I didn't know what I was supposed to expect so I kept my face blank. He looked up slowly, his violet eyes clouded. I sat down silently and we didn't speak for a few minutes, allowing the wind to blow by listlessly, stirring up the leaves.
"Hello Yao," He said quietly, not looking up at me. The wind blew once more, and a whiff of vodka, stronger the usual and ice hit my nostrils. I wrinkled my nose. Didn't anyone in his family or the Baltics notice enough to say anything?
"Hey aru," I replied, frowning. More silence.
"So when is everyone else coming da?" He asked his voice thick. He looked around uneasily, at everything but at me. Maybe I've been too hard him on lately aru…
"Um…"
"Yo! China! Russia!" England called from the other side of the courtyard. America was with him. I stood up, motioning them to come to us. America had his hands in his pockets, eyes glued to the floor as they covered the distance.
"Hey, where is France and Canada aru?" I pretended to ask. England glanced down at his phone as if to read a message.
"The bloody git won't be coming today," He said with annoyance then looked up at me as planned, "So I guess we can cancel the meeting today, if that's alright with you two,"
"Fine with me aru," I turned to Russia, "And you?" He looked up and nodded at England then looked away, still seated. England and I looked at America expectantly. I coughed and walked over to America and sharply elbowed him.
"Ow!" He flinched, rubbing his stomach. England gave a subtle clear of throat, and nodded at Russia. America drew in a deep breath.
"R-Russia," America blurted out. Russia looked up in confusion.
"What?" He asked, frowning with contempt.
"Can we talk?" America asked, flustered, "P-privately?" He added, looking at me and England.
"Sure aru," I replied. England nodded.
"Don't screw this up aru," I muttered as I brushed past America.
We went up to the Allies Meeting room which overlooked the courtyard. England drew idly on the chalkboard as I looked out the window.
"Do you think Russia will buy it?" England asked.
"I don't know aru. America can't fix everything that happened between him and Russia aru. But he should repair whatever's left of what he can," I sighed, "So if America is going to apologize, he should do it the right way. Who the hell apologizes to an ex like that in the middle of a crowded elevator?"
"I have to admit, that was bit uncalled for and immature on America's part," England admitted and shook his head.
We were silent for a few minutes, and I glanced back out the window. Russia had that sickly sweet smile on his face and America looked flustered, still earnestly talking.
I wrapped my arms around my waist and stared at the floor sighing heavily. If only I was a few minutes earlier the day America admitted he so called 'loved' Russia aru…or if only Russia would let his guard down just the slightest and believed I wouldn't hurt him like America did…or if-
"Hey is everything okay?" England asked, breaking my train of thought. His hand hovered above the chalkboard and he looked at me concerned.
"Yea, I'm fine," I cleared my throat. No point in thinking about 'if only' any more aru… I shook my head, clearing my thoughts, and looked out the window again.
"But I don't think America is aru," I frowned.
Russia's POV
After we watched England and China entered the building, America gave a tentative smile at me.
"Hey Russia. What's up man?"
"What do you want kol kol?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes. I was in no mood to deal with him now. Or ever da.
"I-I thought we could, um, you know, talk," America's smile seemed more forced as he rocked back and forth on his heels.
"I think we can't," I stood up, glaring down at him. He cowered slightly. I gave a humorless grin, shaking my head. China never does that da. I roughly pushed past him.
"R-Russia wait," He grabbed my arm. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"You know, if you don't let go in the next five seconds, I'll really enjoy breaking every one of your fingers, da," I threatened cheerfully.
"What?" He asked. His hand froze on my arm.
"Ligament by ligament da," I smiled and giggled once. His eyes widened in horror and I promptly turned to continue leaving.
"W-wait!" America caught up to me, "Come on, just 5 minutes!" He pled shakily. I stopped walking, my fist clenching.
"Maybe, da," I continued, looking up at the sky, "You should leave right now while your body is still intact," I commented pleasantly.
"Maybe, I don't want to," America drew in a deep breath, collecting his composer. He pushed up his glasses and straightened his posture, which I hadn't expected. He met my eyes, though they wavered slightly. Unlike China.
"What?" I allowed.
"I want to apologize," He replied sincerely, "I'm sorry," I blinked.
"And you think I fucking believe that da?" I asked, incredulous.
"You should," He looked clearly upset, taking a step towards me, "I really hurt you and I-" He placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Don't touch me," I said darkly. He let his hand fall.
"Anyways," He played with his fingers, not looking at me, "I'm really sorry I hurt you. You don't know how bad I felt, I mean, I never thought you would take it seriously-"
"I did take it seriously da. How bad do you think I felt?" I retorted, continuing walking briskly. He followed me, jogging slightly to catch up to my long strides.
"I can't imagine. But I didn't know you would feel that-"
"See, that's what everyone thinks. That I don't feel, that I can't da," I snapped. I don't know why I would bother explaining this to America, but it came out.
"Well, I know you do now, so I want to apolo-"
"No you don't. You don't know me at all," I laughed bitterly. He stopped, thinking for a few seconds.
"You're right, I didn't. When we first started dating I was solely focused on getting England. But you were…sweet to me. I didn't think you would be; it surprised me. I knew I should've ended it right there. But then England started to notice me…"He drew in a deep breath.
"I knew I should've told you the truth. I thought you could care less if I broke up with you. So I'm sorry for being a jerk, for being an awful person to you," America's eyes got watery and he hastily rubbed them out.
I wasn't going to buy his sob-story apology that easily.
"Why were you so surprised da? That I got hurt?" I smiled widely, "Didn't think I have feelings kol kol?"
"Because you're always like this," He waved vaguely at me. I narrowed my eyes, "You act polite and all, but scare the shit out of everyone. Sooner or later you become untouchable," He frowned, pushing his glasses up."So when I did touch you," He unconsciously brought a hand up to his heart. That annoyed me, "I was so lost, what was I supposed to do then? Someone who I assumed to be cold and heartless?"
"How important do you think you are da?" I laughed, pretending that his words didn't sting "To think you actually 'touched' me?" I mimicked him, bringing a hand over his heart. America looked away uncomfortably.
"Well you just said I hurt you, and you would've forgiven me by now, if I hadn't," America replied evenly.
"Really kol kol?"
"You're acting like that again. Cold and untouchable," He crossed his arms, "Yet you still try to prove to me I was wrong for not realizing your feelings,"
I didn't reply, bitterly looking away. How did everyone manage to corner me now?
"Russia, what I did was wrong, it was horrible. It was my fault. I'm so sorry for it. Please forgive me," America begged. I allowed an uneasy silence to fill in a few moments before replying.
"Ne ne, it must've taken a lot for you to swallow your pride and ego to say that da," I observed.
"Doesn't matter," America brushed off, though looking embarrassed.
"You know what I think Alfred?" I said his name, and he flinched at it, "I think that I'm just some chore nagging you to get done so you can sleep better at night. I think you could care less about me," I looked over at him darkly.
"So actually, it does da," I smiled, knowing how big America's ego and pride were to him, "Are you getting paid to do this?" I asked politely, clasping my hands behind my back.
He looked away again, but didn't reply.
"Well?" My smile grew wider, taking a step closer to him.
"I know you won't forgive me that easily, and I suck at apologies. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to make things right between us but I didn't know how to man up and do it right. So China- " He rushed out in one breath before cursing , "OH SHIT," America snapped his mouth shut.
"China?" I said sharply. America looked startled and smacked himself on the forehead.
"Dammit," He cursed.
"What about him kol kol?" I demanded. America shuddered.
"N-nothing, I-I just c-came to a-apol-"
"Yao sent you to do this, didn't he, da?" I realized.
"I wasn't supposed to let that slip! Pretend you don't know anything!" America interjected frantically, "Oh man, China's gonna be furious-"
"Yao wouldn't do that if he didn't care about me da," I continued slowly.
"Wait, why does that matter?" America frowned.
"Because Yao keeps saying he doesn't care about me da. But this is proof he does," I said smugly.
"Why does that matter?" America asked again in puzzlement. "You rejected him, remember?" America clarified.
"…"
"Oh man, you mean you like him now?" America exclaimed in surprise.
"That's none of your business kol kol," I replied evenly.
"I know I'm in no position to say this… but China's with Japan. There dating, remember?" He reminded me gently.
"You are in no position to say anything to me, so shut up da," I suggested.
"But still, they're happy together!" America protested. A flitting memory came to my mind.
-"Japan is keeping you happy da?"
"Of course aru,"-
America was still earnestly babbling, "-so don't you get it?" He finished, "He doesn't love you anymore, if anything, China probably hates you!" I felt like I was stabbed in the gut. Yao hated me. I had forgotten. It hurt even more hearing it from someone else.
America looked at me expectantly, awaiting an answer from me.
But my patience for him snapped. I covered the distance between us in a short stride, gripping America's arms, glaring down at him. He cowered.
"So kol kol?" I snarled viciously at him, my temper flaring.
"Ah! W-well-" America tried to explain, squirming.
"You sure have a rational way of thinking, don't you, da? What do you know about Yao's feelings when you couldn't even realize mine da?" I gripped him tighter, raising him a few inches off the ground.
"R-Russia I'm sorry-"
"Do you take me for an idiot kol kol? I know Yao hates me," I continued, not really talking to him anymore, but myself. I started to tremble, looking past America unseeingly. I dropped him. America began rubbing his arms sorely, but watched me wide eyed.
"But I love him now. After all this time…I finally love him, right after he moved on. You're right to take me for an idiot," I laughed bitterly, shaking my head, "But since you understand everything so well, you tell me what I should do," My voice started getting louder, "With your rational way of thinking. What do I do when I fall in love with someone who loves someone else da?!" America cringed at my harsh tone.
"Well just ask one of us aru," A voice snapped from behind me. I froze. America looked over my shoulder with a startled but relieved expression on his face. I turned around slowly. England had his arms crossed, frowning. China's eyes were shining and he was trembling slightly. In anger, or sadness, I didn't know.
Oh no.
"Yao I-" I tried to explain numbly. He stumbled back, shaking his head. I reached a hand out towards him, but he turned around and ran out of the courtyard.
"Wait!" I tried to follow but stopped myself. There was no point anyways, da. Yao already heard me and was furious. Nothing I said would probably change that. I brought my hand down and my throat tightened.
"Aren't you going to follow him?" America asked.
"No point," I said quietly.
"Well you could've reasoned with him or something-"
"I said there is no point da," I clarified for him slowly, "It's not like he would listen to me or let me talk," I smiled humorlessly, thinking of all the countless times I was interrupted by Yao.
"But you should tell him. At least explain to China," America persisted.
"Explain what? That I was joking? Do you still think my feelings are a joke?" I asked darkly, "Because unlike you, China knew I was capable of feeling," America flinched.
"America didn't mean it that way," England said quietly, "Just to tell China that-"
"Why does it matter so much to you two da?" I asked.
"So you don't make the same mistake I did," America answered quietly, "I know I can't fix everything but at least I tried and make things right with whatever I can,"
I didn't respond for a while. Make things right…How can I? When everything is so wrong?
"You kind of suck at that da," I said after awhile, "He hates me anyways da," I shrugged, looking up at the sky.
"Is that what you think?" England asked, "And he at least deserves an explanation, no matter how lame at unbelievably selfish it is,"
"You just want me to forgive your boyfriend," I smiled.
"That too," England replied. "But at least he had the guts and swallowed his pride and apologized out right for hurting you, even if he needed an outsider's help," England raised an eyebrow.
"I know, da," I didn't mention the fact that China forced him to.
China forced him to apologize, even if he had nothing to gain from it. But I did, so did he do it for me? I realized. But he hates me da, it didn't make sense…Maybe he doesn't hate me…not yet. But after what he heard from me today, what if it is too late?
"It's too late to explain, da," I replied.
"It's not," England denied evenly.
"You can't fix everything either Russia, but at least try and make this right with him," America urged.
"What do you think I should tell China da?" I asked quietly after a while. America looked at me startled at my consent but then quickly pushed his glasses up and frowned lightly.
"From the Hero's point of view…that isn't exactly something we can tell you to say," America said uneasily.
"Yea," England snickered, "Remember last time we tried?"
America chuckled, "We told you to go to him with sunflowers and apologize and kiss him,"
"That was a disaster da," I agreed, remembering it.
"So a word of advice," England said seriously, "When you talk to China, just don't screw up," I nodded, and we fell into a small silence. It was more bearable to be in America's presence when England was there. I wondered why.
"So you really love him huh?" England asked casually. I nodded curtly. "Feels horrible doesn't it? Knowing he's with someone else and not you?" England asked lightly, crossing his arms. I would've gotten angry, like with America when he had brought it up. But for some reason I didn't. Because now that I thought about it, England must've felt the same way I was right now. Trapped. Torn. Breaking.
"Sorry England," I said quietly.
"It doesn't matter anymore mate," He replied, "I guess my pain paid off," On cue, America looped an arm around Arthur's waist, pulling him closer.
"What are you doing?" Arthur hissed.
"Relax Iggy. I just feel so warm and cuddly when you act cute and sentimental about our relationship,"
"Buzz of you git," England said lightly, elbowing him. Alfred only laughed.
The corners of my mouth turned up into a small smile seeing them, because despite myself, even if I would never tell anyone…I felt…happy…seeing them together. I couldn't believe myself. I turned around and walked away.
"Wait!" America called. I stopped again, annoyed.
"I'm guessing you still haven't forgiven me?" America said slowly, scratching his head. I nodded curtly. His face fell and he looked away. I sighed and turned to England.
"Tell your boyfriend forgiveness doesn't come so easily to me da," I told England darkly. America winced, "But when forgiveness does come to me, I will," I added. America looked up at me at gave a small hesitant smile.
"Thanks Russia," He said softly.
"Still, you should be grateful your ligaments are all still intact and I break your glass and use them to gouge your eyes out when I had the chance da," I replied brightly.
"Err…" America stuttered in confusion. I smiled at him cheerfully.
And the Chapter Ends. On that note lol. But I thought it would be nice if I had a chapter where America decently apologizes to Russia.
Thanks everyone for reviewing and I shower you all with my love and hugs and kisses and nutella!~