A/N: When I started I intended to tell this story largely from Beca's perspective. Things have changed though and as the story as developed it has become a lot more about Chloe's perspective. I think this will make for a better, more interesting story or at least I hope it will. To everyone who has been following and reading, thank you. As always your feedback in the form of comments, reviews and Tumblr messages (shesamarshmallow) is greatly appreciated. I'd love to know your thoughts on this story as it develops. It really does help me to grow as a writer and find out what is or is not working for any given story. So I definitely appreciate any readers who let me know what's on their mind. Without further ado, here is your next chapter. Hopefully you'll enjoy it.
"It has been 4 days and she hasn't called Bree," Chloe lamented as she sat in their favourite café sipping a latte.
"She kissed you and you bolted. Maybe she has the impression that oh, I don't know, you aren't interested. Do you blame her?" As Aubrey suggested this, her best friend was thankful that she could always count on her for a fair an accurate assessment of any given situation.
"Should I call her?"
"Yes, I mean, if you want to see her again. Just call her and explain. She doesn't get all of your complicated crap with Tom; she probably needs some reassurance that you actually do want a relationship with her. That is what you want right?"
"Of course, that's what I have wanted for the last ten years Aubrey. To be with someone that makes me feel the way Beca does, someone who I know I could be madly in love with; to be with Beca."
"Then call her and hope she's still up for that second date."
Aubrey was right when she said that Beca didn't understand any of her complicated crap with Tom. All Chloe had really told her was that she wasn't in love with him. She knew Beca understood what she meant when she said that. She knew that Beca had that person too and more so than anyone she understood what it was like being in that kind of relationship. With Tom and Chloe though, there were just so many more complications than with Beca and Jesse. Tom was Chloe's best friend, and someone she loved more than anything in the world, even if it wasn't romantically. Beca didn't have that with Jesse, she cared for Jesse and they were friends before dating, but Jesse wasn't that one person that Beca always relied on. He wasn't her shoulder to cry or her confidant. That had always been Chloe for Beca, until it wasn't and then it was no one.
Tom was that person for Chloe though, and he remained as such even through everything that was going on with them now. Chloe's connection and relationship with Tom had always run far too deep for things to be anything less than a tangled web of complications. He's her best friend, the father of her children, and the person who knows everything that makes her tick, that makes her happy, that makes her cry, and what makes Chloe who she is. Tom is in Chloe's life for better or for worse, and that makes trying to be with Beca no matter how much she wants to be that much more complex. All of that also makes Chloe's relationship with Tom that much harder for Beca, or anyone really to understand. So even if Beca gets why she can no longer be with Tom romantically, she'll probably never understand everything underneath the surface of that.
"So you grew up in Georgia, but you hate peaches, you dreamed of playing major league baseball when you were a kid, you love mint ice cream, and you didn't learn to ride a bike until you were 10. These are your deepest, darkest secrets Tom Riley?"
"Yes, yes they are," he smiled, pressing a kiss to Chloe's temple as she lay next to him on the blanket.
Picnics had kind of become their thing. Chloe would spread out a blanket on a patch of grass and they would just lie down and talk. Occasionally she would think to actually bring sandwiches and snacks and make it a legitimate picnic, but mostly they just enjoyed each other's company. When they had exhausted their list of topics for the day they would usually just end up falling asleep under the warm glow of the Georgia sun, or if the mood struck they would use their mouths for other things. Chloe had never been one to shy away from public displays of affection, so making out with Tom in the middle of the quad for all to see didn't exactly faze her. Tom didn't care much either, he didn't really even notice the rest of the world when he was with Chloe.
"Well aren't you just the cutest then." Chloe kissed Tom square on the lips.
"Now Red, tell me your secrets."
Chloe thought for a moment before obliging him. "Well, I grew up in Florida but my parents never actually took me to any of the amusement parks. They said they were for tourists. They took me on other vacations around the state, and to other states. I didn't really get it when I was a kid, but I appreciate it more now, we saw some really beautiful places. I don't like mint ice cream, so I guess you'll get to have all the mint ice cream in our house all to yourself. Oh and I broke my foot when I was 7 climbing down from a tree, or rather I fell out of a tree that I climbed up into."
"Our house huh?" That was what had stuck out to Tom from everything that Chloe had said.
Chloe chuckled lightly, "yeah, I guess at some point in the future we might want to live in the same place."
"That would be nice, and I would gladly eat all of the horrible mint ice cream for you. I'll even buy you, hmmm; I'm guessing strawberry to replace it."
"How did you know my favourite flavour?"
"You're easy to read…and besides, you're wearing strawberry scented body spray. It wasn't exactly a shot in the dark."
"It's settled then, we will buy a house and stock it with strawberry and mint ice cream. Our kids will just have to pick sides."
Tom smiled at the mention of their future kids, pressing another sweet kiss to the side of his girlfriend's head.
"That sounds perfect."
Beca's phone rang and rang in her pocket. She was busy with a client at the moment, but she was sort of dying to know who just wouldn't stop calling her. Of course she hoped it was Chloe. After the disheartening end to their first date she had been hoping against hope that she would hear from the other woman soon. She wanted to text her or to call her herself, but after the way Chloe ran off Beca just couldn't muster up the courage to do it. What if Chloe had realized she made a big mistake and didn't actually want to date her? What if the kiss had been so awful that Chloe realized what an idiot she was for even thinking her and Beca could have something between them? All these unanswered questions spiralled through the brunette's brain and rendered her unable to dial Chloe's number. At least if Chloe was calling her she knew it was probably because she wanted to see her again, at least that's what she hoped it meant.
When she finished with her client 20 minutes later she pulled her phone out of her pocket to see 5 missed calls. Thankfully it had been on vibrate the whole time and her client wasn't aware that someone was desperately trying to reach her. It was moments like this when Beca wished she wasn't too cheap to spring for Caller-ID on her cellphone. She had 5 missed calls she hoped were for Chloe, but she had no real way of knowing for sure. She couldn't call her back and end up potentially looking like a fool if it hadn't been Chloe who called her. Still though, she wanted to talk to her. Just as Beca mustered up the courage to give the woman what would hopefully be a call back her phone began to ring again. Beca fumbled with the screen trying to slide her finger in the direction that would answer the damn thing, but her nerves got the better of her. She had hung it up on whoever it was. Beca rolled her eyes at herself, get it together Mitchell.
Beca took a deep breath before tapping the call button next to Chloe's name. She didn't want to face the possible rejection, but she knew if she didn't do this she would regret it.
"Hey Beca," she could hear the bubbly red head's voice come through her speaker, Chloe apparently did have Caller-ID.
"Hi…umm, were you trying to call me? I mean I'm kind of a spaz and I think I may have just hung up on you." Beca apologized, hoping she was apologizing to the right person.
"I was and you did, but it's all good. I uh…wanted to talk to you about our second date. Assuming that is that you still want to go out with me after I ran away at the end of the first one. I guess I wouldn't blame you if you've changed your mind about me."
"I haven't, and I would love to go on that second date. Was there anything you had in mind?"
"Well, my house will be empty this weekend. Tom is taking the kids to his parent's house for some kind of family party. I figured it was best if I didn't go. His parents know we're getting a divorce anyway; it will be less awkward this way. Anyway, I was thinking maybe we could order take out or I could cook for you and we could talk, watch movies and just get to know each other again."
"That would be nice. I'll can be there Saturday around 4, how does that sound?"
"Great, see you then. And Beca, I really am sorry about the other night. I just…" Chloe's voice trailed off, she didn't really know what she wanted to say after that.
"It's okay. I get it. I'll see you Saturday."
Beca had a wide grin plastered across her face when she hung up the phone. She was relieved to know that Chloe still wanted to see her, and that whatever had happened the other night was just a momentary lapse on Chloe's part. It was Wednesday and while Beca was never one to wish away time, and she loved her work she couldn't help but wish that Saturday would come sooner. She wanted to see Chloe again, to talk to her again, and to just spend time with her. They had missed so many years already that every day they weren't together felt like more wasted time, at least for Beca. She knew Chloe's situation was different, it was busy and messy and complicated and it must also be so conflicting for the red head.
They haven't talked much more about them but Beca can tell that she loves her kids, and Tom, at least in the way that you'll always love the person you have kids with. She wonders briefly if this is what had Chloe all riled up the other night. It must be hard, even knowing that you're splitting from your husband to move on when you've got a family like that, and a life that you do generally enjoy. It crosses her mind that maybe Chloe thinks involving Beca in her life will make things even more complicated, and if she really thinks about it, it will. She tries hard though to shove those thoughts to the back of her mind, there's no sense dwelling on them and letting them make her crazy, especially when she doesn't know for sure. She just needs to wait for Saturday, when she sees Chloe she knows that it will give her the peace of mind to know they are doing the right thing. Everything that Chloe makes her feel has to be the right thing, there's nothing about it that makes Beca feel anything less than extremely happy. Anything that makes a person as happy as Chloe makes Beca is definitely the right thing.
"Have fun with daddy," Chloe says, placing a kiss a top Alyson's tiny head.
"We will," Adrienne reassures her.
"And we will call you every night to say goodnight, right dad?" Adley confirms with his father.
"Right bud; we will check in with mama, like always."
Chloe was glad her children weren't asking a million questions about why she wasn't going with them. They had always gone to any family gatherings for Tom's family or her own all together. This was the first time she wouldn't be joining them at the Riley's house. Tom told her that he just told them it was going to be a fun trip, just for dad to spend some time with them and that they would go with just mom on a trip somewhere some other time. Special bonding time he called it. They seemed to accept this explanation about Tom wanting some father/children bonding time just fine, and Chloe was happy about that. They were well on their way to being officially divorced but neither of them had found the right words to explain things to their children yet.
They were still living together, still almost every bit as much a family as they were before, but Tom slept on the couch these days. That was the only noticeable change, at least for the kids. They tried their best to have discussions and fights in hushed tones, keeping their problems between the two of them. They also did everything in their power to be civil towards one another, even when they were hurting. It was their goal to make this split as amicable and friendly as possible; after all, they were still best friends. Tom even told Chloe that after all was said and done he didn't want that aspect of their relationship to change more than was absolutely necessary.
In all their years together it was their close friendship more so than anything that he loved. Having Chloe as a friend brightened his world, and even if he could no longer be married to her, he certainly still wanted to be her friend. It helped that they wanted to stay close for the kids. It was never Chloe's intention to rip her family apart, just to sever any romantic ties with Tom. So this arrangement for the time being worked for them. They knew they would eventually have to explain and Tom was going to move out, but for now, they were avoiding those particular details. Chloe figured if they could be technically split up and still be okay with being around one another things were going to be fine. She just didn't want to test that theory, not just yet.
"You tell me that you don't love me and that you can't be married to me anymore and then you cry on my shoulder when you're upset. Make up your damn mind Chloe, what do you want from me?" Tears streamed down Tom's face as he yelled.
He was upset and understandably so. It was mere weeks after Chloe told him that she wanted a divorce, and the tension in the household was high. Luckily the kids were with their grandparents and the house was empty. Tom's anguished yells echoed off the walls of their house. Chloe sat on the couch, tears of her own falling from her bright blue eyes. She never wanted to hurt him this bad. She knew that a lot of what she'd done in the last ten years had caused this, but she never wanted it to end like this. Why was she so selfish? Why did she marry him anyway when she knew she would never love him the way she should? Why did she start a family with him, if it wasn't really him that she wanted to have a life with? Why did she take the easy road? Chloe asked herself these questions on a daily basis, and she was sure her husband was thinking along the same lines.
"Tom," Chloe sniffed, exhaling sharply before continuing. "I do love you, more than anything. You are my best friend and I am so sorry for this. Everything you're feeling right now is my fault and I can't even begin to explain to you how sorry I am. It's just, I still need you and I know that's not fair for me to say, but it's the truth. I cry on your shoulder because you're the person who has always been able to make me feel better. You care so much, and I feel safe with you."
Tom wiped the tears from his face with his sleeve. His expression softened considerably at Chloe's words. The anger that had filled his eyes just seconds prior was replaced with what Chloe knew to be love; the love that Tom showed her each and every day, without fail.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you."
"Don't be, I deserve it."
"You don't."
"I'm hurting you."
"Chloe, we've been hurting ourselves for years continuing this. I act like I don't know how things have been when I knew exactly what you meant when you said you had to stop living a lie."
"What are we going to do?"
"Right now, we're just going to sit here and watch a movie. Titanic, for the hundredth time maybe; I think we could both use a good cry. Honestly though, I still don't understand why they didn't just share the damn door."
Chloe laughed, "Yeah, let's do that."
She laid her head down on Tom's shoulder, assuming their usual movie watching positions on the couch. For now they were just going to do what they had been doing for years, ignoring reality and just taking solace in each other's company. That was something they knew how to do, which made it easy. The rest of it, well, they could deal with that later. Now they were just going to watch somebody else's pain because that was just easier than dealing with their own.
"Bye babies," Chloe said, giving her children one last group hug as they walked out their door, carrying their backpacks as luggage for the weekend.
"See you on Sunday night mom," Adrienne called back, shutting the door behind them.
Chloe slumped down on the couch in her living room. It was Friday night and she wouldn't be seeing Beca until the next afternoon. She had never been good at being alone. Chloe liked to have people she cared about around her at all times. That was what made Tom's presence in her life so comforting, even now. Even just doing the things she loved like watching a movie or reading a book weren't the same without someone else's company. Knowing Aubrey was at home enjoying time with her own youngsters and that she shouldn't disturb her Chloe eventually accepted the idea that this would be a lonely Friday night. If she was going to be alone though, at the very least she was going to think about her plans for her date the next evening. As she laid her head down on the arm rest and closed her eyes, thoughts of the brunette easily invaded her mind. One more day Chloe thought to herself as images of Beca's smile teased her retinas. One…yawn...more…day….