A/N: I feel like I should apologize in advance if this breaks your heart, it definitely hurt mine to write it. This is a bit of fluff mixed with a fair amount of angst. I'm really starting to get a handle on where this story is going and how I want things to progress for all of the characters. Of course I hope you'll enjoy this update and what I have in store for the future. As always I really appreciate it when you take the time to leave feedback, it does help me to improve as a writer. So if you leave a review or comment or send me a Tumblr message (shesamarshmallow) you are awesome. Everyone who has been following this story is just really awesome in general, so enjoy!
Chloe watched as Tom packed the last of his belongings into cardboard boxes and sealed them up. She felt a pang of sadness in her heart watching as he dropped baseball gloves, photo frames and CDs into the boxes along with his clothes. He didn't fill very many boxes really as most of the stuff in their house was Chloe's or the kids' or theirs rather than just his. She had known this day was coming; she just hadn't really prepared herself for it before now. It had been a year since she told him she no longer wanted to be married and a few months since she officially filed for divorce. Most couples splitting up wouldn't still be living together after all this time but Chloe and Tom weren't like most couples. As he sealed the last box Tom turned around giving her a sad smile as he carried it to the porch. The small moving truck he rented wouldn't show up until tomorrow but Tom wanted to have everything ready to go. He just wanted to enjoy his last day living at home with Chloe and their kids, as much as one could enjoy that kind of day anyway.
When he turned back to look at the red head there were tears in her eyes. It felt selfish to cry when all of this was her doing but she couldn't help it. Tom wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a hug. It was something they'd done thousands of times before but this felt so very different it only made her cry harder. They stood like this for a few minutes with Tom just holding her and Chloe just crying.
"Why are you so good to me?" he heard her whisper in his ear and he just hugged her tighter, tears now falling from his own eyes.
"Because no matter what I still love you," and with that he pulled away.
Chloe brushed the hair out of her face and wiped the tears from her eyes. They stood there for a few minutes longer; just staring at one another. It was still early in the morning and none of their kids were awake yet, thankfully. They had explained everything as best as they could, but it was still going to be hard for them to cope with dad finally leaving. There was a profound difference between being told he wasn't going to be living with them anymore, and actually experiencing it. Thankfully he was only going to be living ten minutes away. He told Chloe he couldn't bear anything further than that, and she understood. He picked out a 3 bedroom apartment just outside their current neighbourhood. It was still close to the kids' school and had a swimming pool and playground that they would surely enjoy. The plan was for him to move in this weekend and get the place ready for the kids to stay with him the next. He was planning to paint one of the rooms purple with flowers on the wall for Adrienne and Alyson and the other room fire engine red, Adley's favourite colour. He wanted the place to still be like home for his kids.
"I think I like sunshine yellow the best, but the honey yellow is nice too," Chloe rambled on about the paint chips she had taped to the wall.
"They're all yellow babe. If we just found out if we are having a boy or girl maybe we could paint it a more interesting colour."
"Nice try, don't you want to be surprised?"
"I guess, but I still don't want to paint the nursery yellow."
"Why not? It's cute and neutral. In a few years our little munchkin can tell us their favourite colour and we can repaint it however they like."
"I like that idea," Tom agreed, kissing his wife on the cheek.
"Good. Now, ducks, bunnies or teddy bears for the walls?"
"Definitely teddy bears, babies love teddy bears right?"
"Well if our baby is anything like their daddy they will still love teddy bears when they're 24. Where is Mister Snuggles anyway?" Chloe teased her husband.
Tom couldn't help but smile as his wife laughed softly. He didn't sleep with his childhood bear anymore, not since he had a beautiful red head to cuddle with but Mister Snuggles sat safely on the dresser in their master bedroom. Perhaps now he would move the old bear into the nursery and sit it on the dresser in there. It seemed appropriate really to give his bear to his first child. It had gotten him through many a stormy night, and always warded off the monsters in his closet. Their little baby would be lucky to have such a protective friend watching over them.
"I hope it's a girl," Tom said quietly, wrapping an arm around his wife.
"Why is that?" she asked, laying her head down on his shoulder.
"So she's just like you. You are amazing, and I love you."
"Aww. I love you too, and if we have a son just like you that will be awesome. Although I would appreciate it if he talked about baseball a little less."
Tom's face contorted into a look of mock offense sending Chloe into a fit of giggles. He pressed a kiss to the side of her head and picked up yet another paint chip off the floor and taped it to the wall.
"What about bright summer yellow?"
When Tom's arms were no longer around her Chloe turned to walk toward the kitchen. It was nearing 8 o'clock and their kids would definitely be up soon. None of them were known to sleep in, not yet anyway. She figured when they approached their teenage years they might start indulging in some extra sleep but for now her little ones were early risers. Tom hesitated momentarily before following her into the kitchen.
"Pancakes?" she said her back turned to him and Tom knew it was a question.
"That would be nice."
Pancakes were a family favourite and Chloe always made the best ones. Tom's attempts were valiant but never quite as fluffy and more often than not a little too burned for any of their liking. Chloe's were always perfectly round and delicious and you'd never hear of Tom or any of the kids turning her pancakes down.
"Pancakes it is then. Do you want to go check on them?"
"Yeah, I'll be back soon."
When Tom returned he had 3 fully dressed kids in tow who were delighted by the smell of the kitchen.
"Pancakes!" Adley cheered excitedly climbing up onto one of the seats at their breakfast table.
While they had a larger dining room just outside the kitchen breakfast was almost always eaten at the smaller table in the room itself. It was slightly cramped with 5 people, but they made it work and it was nice to eat all together. Tom helped Alyson up into her chair as Chloe flipped the last few pancakes up onto the stack.
"Breakfast is served," Chloe said, placing the stack of pancakes in the middle of the table.
She watched as Tom put a large pancake on each of their children's plates, adding just enough syrup to make them tasty but not enough to make a soupy mess.
"Thanks mom," Adrienne said smiling, chomping off the first bite of pancake on her fork.
"Can we go to the park after breakfast?" Adley asked when they were half way through the meal.
Chloe and Tom looked at each other across the table; it hurt both of them to think that this might be the last time they would have a moment like this all together as a family. It was times like this that had Chloe really questioning her decision. She could take it all back in an instant; all she would have to do is tell Tom not to go. She could tell him she was wrong, that she made a mistake and that she doesn't really want a divorce. She could tell him that they are good together and that they are meant to be. She could say all of that and he would stay, but then she would just be lying to both of them all over again. She couldn't say any of those things because none of them are true. As much as it hurts, it's not a mistake. You don't do or say the things she had without knowing that it is right first. So instead of asking him to stay she would just enjoy his last few hours here.
"That sounds fun," Tom spoke up, answering his son.
"Yeah, just wash your hands when you finish eating and put on a jacket okay?"
The kids nodded in unison climbing down from their chairs and racing off to their rooms for jackets.
"Be careful," Chloe called to her two children and husband.
Tom had run off in the direction of the swings with their four year old daughter Adrienne holding one hand and two year old Adley in his other arm. Chloe pushed the stroller containing their newborn daughter Alyson towards the bench at the park. It was a warm spring day and their first day out as a family since Alyson was born. The park near their house was one of their favourite spots to visit. There was playground equipment for the kids to play on and it also had a beautiful pond. Adley in particular loved to watch the ducks as they swam around. It was just a nice place to spend time and one they visited often. Chloe watched as Tom pushed the kids on the swings and they laughed with glee. It was sweet to watch, it had always been one of Chloe's favourite sights. She smiled as he looked back at her just to check on her and the baby.
"I love you," he mouthed silently across the park but Chloe didn't need to hear him to know what he was saying.
Less than a week later Chloe dropped her kids off at Tom's new apartment. He had sent her a text to tell her that the paint was all dry and everything was ready to go. She was relieved when they were excited to go. There had been enough tears throughout the week, she wasn't sure she could handle anymore. She and Tom had agreed that their normal routine would consist of him picking up the kids after school so that he would get to see them every day. This week however since he was so busy with the move he hadn't had much time to see them at all. Chloe knocked on Tom's door and her face fell when he opened it looking a lot worse for the wear than he had last weekend before he left. She wanted to chalk it up to the fact that he had been working and trying to get his new apartment all setup, but she knew there was probably more to it than that. By the look on his face she suspected he had been crying but she wasn't going to say anything in front of the kids.
"Daddy!" they cheered happily and ran into the man's waiting arms.
"I'll see you guys on Sunday night okay?"
"Bye mama," they said smiling, still wrapped up in Tom's embrace.
"Bye babies."
As she walked out of the building she typed out a text message on her phone. Are you okay? She didn't really expect an answer from him but she felt it was important to ask. He had bent over backwards to make all of this easy on her when she knew it was killing him. The least she could do was check on him. Now that he was with his kids again though, he was probably doing just fine.
As Chloe turned the corner to leave the parking lot she glanced down at the clock. Just after 7 pm, she was late, damn it. Beca would understand though, she always did. She had been incredibly understanding about the whole situation over the last few months. She got that Chloe couldn't always go out with her, no matter how much they both wanted to see each other. She understood why it was just easier to hang out at Beca's place more often than not. She even understood every time Chloe was late or had to cut a date short because of the kids. Even though she didn't have a family Beca seemed to completely understand Chloe's commitments and her unorthodox situation. At the very least she pretended to understand and put up with it without complaint. Chloe wasn't entirely sure which scenario it was, or if it was a mixture of both but either way she was grateful. Beca was gorgeous, sweet, smart and funny; Chloe was sure she could easily find someone entirely less complicated to date but instead she wanted her.
"I'm so sorry I'm late again," Chloe apologized profusely kissing Beca on the cheek before sitting down at their table.
"It's okay, I'm sure you have a good reason," Beca said with a genuine smile.
"Yeah, well enough about that. How are you?"
"I am fantastic, even better now that you're here."
"Always a charmer, aren't we?"
"I try," Beca smirked.
As the two ate their meals the conversation flowed smoothly. Beca caught Chloe up on all that was going for her at work and Chloe did the same. They hadn't been out on a date in over a week so there was a lot to catch up on. Chloe loved hearing what was going on in Beca's life and Beca seemed to enjoy her stories as well. It was nice really to have someone to talk to other than Tom or Aubrey, and it was nice to talk about something other than her divorce or the kids. With Beca, Chloe felt like she could actually be a grown up again, and be herself. As much as she loved her kids it was nice to have a break from cartoons, colouring and math homework. With everything going on between her and Tom they had spent so much of their energy over the last few months making sure the kids' lives were kept together that they hadn't had much time just to themselves. It was fine really and it was necessary but this was just the kind of break she needed, and Beca was the person she really wanted to be with right now.
"Can I ask you a question?" Beca spoke up as they dug into a delicious piece of chocolate cake for dessert.
"You just did, do you have a follow up?" Chloe teased.
"I do, but I guess I feel kind of silly asking it."
"Why is that?" Chloe inquired, now genuinely curious.
"Because I'm a 30 year old woman and not a pimply faced teenager."
"Just ask me."
"I'm just wondering if you will be my girlfriend."
Chloe chuckled at the brunette, giving her hand a squeeze.
"We have been going out for over four months now Beca; I kind of already thought I was your girlfriend."
"I kind of already thought you were too, I guess I just wanted to make sure."
"Well I love dating you so yes, I would love to officially be your girlfriend. Now can I ask you a question?"
"What's that?"
"Would my girlfriend like to come home with me and stay the night?"
"She would love to. I think maybe your girlfriend will even watch a movie with you and cuddle on the couch."
"Well, my girlfriend is really sweet like that."
"So is mine," Beca winked.
Chloe couldn't help but lean over and kiss her girlfriend. The two broke apart only when their waitress brought over their bill moments later. Beca grabbed it quickly and laughed when Chloe pouted. Chloe always wanted to pay and so did Beca and while the red head usually won out, Beca had just been quicker this time.
"You should let me treat you once and a while babe."
"It's treat enough being out with you, I don't mind paying."
"You're so cheesy babe, and I don't mind paying either."
When they got back to Chloe's house the red head couldn't resist wrapping her arms around her girlfriend and enveloping her in a passionate kiss. She could have waited until they reached the couch but up against the door seemed like as good a place as any to engage in a make out session.
"Wow," Beca whispered almost breathlessly as she pulled away from their tight embrace.
Chloe just licked her lips and smiled, grabbing Beca's hand and pulling her towards the couch.
"I believe I was promised a movie and cuddling," she said plopping down on the soft fabric of her living room couch.
"A promise is a promise. What do you want to watch? I'll put it on."
"Anything I don't have to pay attention to, I have a feeling I might get distracted."
"Don't we have a dirty mind tonight," the brunette teased, thumbing over the movies on Chloe' shelf trying to pick out something they hadn't already seen.
"Hey now, I just meant that you are so incredibly beautiful I might just have to stare at you all night and miss the movie."
Although Chloe couldn't see it Beca was blushing. She waited until her face was back to its normal shade of pale to turn around.
"I don't think either of us will be watching the movie then if that's the case."
"Come here beautiful."
Beca did as she was told and took a seat on Chloe's lap, kissing the red head on the lips as they settled into a comfortable position. The brunette nuzzled into Chloe's neck, placing a few sweet kisses on the pale skin.
"I love you," Beca whispered the words into her neck but Chloe heard them as clear as day.
She swallowed hard and couldn't help the tears that began to stream down her cheeks. Beca hadn't meant to say it, it just kind of slipped out but it was really how she felt. Chloe wasn't ready to hear it though, it was unexpected and as much as she didn't want to admit it, unwelcome. She cared for Beca, she really did but love wasn't a word Chloe was ready to hear. She had thrown it around so casually in the past, almost carelessly really and too many times without feeling. It was why she was here tonight with Beca as her girlfriend of only 4 months, why she was just weeks away from being divorced and why she had to so callously tell her husband she wasn't really in love with him. Those 3 words were heavy and not to be taken lightly; she didn't know if she could accept them coming from Beca tonight, and she certainly couldn't reciprocate.
"I'm sorry," was all she managed to choke out before getting up off the couch and running into the bathroom, leaving Beca shocked and alone.
Beca ran to follow her only to find the bathroom door already locked. She slid down to the floor, her small frame sitting up with her back flat against the door.
"Chloe, are you okay?"
Her question was met only with heaving sobs from the other woman. Beca took a deep breath and just continued to sit there. She would just wait until Chloe was ready to talk; she'd wait all night and longer if she had to. Maybe it was too early for Chloe to hear it but Beca meant it when she told her that she loved her.