A/N: Hello and welcome back! I didn't take long, did I?

Okay, a huge thank you and a hug to: Jay D. Moore, Sapphire-Serenity-Phoinex, CharlieCats, MissMisc3, nuckythompson, 88dragon06, Sagacious Rogue, guest, TinkerbellxO, dionne dance, Foxx1993, XantheXV, Lovely Rain Dancer, Makrciana, barnabas1970, Jandra1969, ForeverACharmedOne, simbasockz, Why Fireflies Flash, signifiedapollo, IgnitingFireworks, Lucky-star69, LabyFan23, hannahhbonob, BlooperLover and Leyshla Gisel.

You all rock!

With this chapter I am trying to explore Barnabas' first experiences with being a vampire…That means we'll go a bit darker in our attempt to really get how it was for him since the film didn't really show us how he handled it. Okay, enough of my rant. Ahem. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.

Chapter 20

We accept the love we think we deserve.

~Stephen Chbosky

Various books were opened around her but Maria was currently focused on one. Samantha sat by her, nervously biting her lip. Her eyes were wide and she was tapping her foot anxiously against the carpeted floor of the library.

Maria paused and looked at her, "Stop doing that. It unsettles me." She whispered and Samantha paused.

"Alright."

"Good. Why are we whispering?" Maria frowned and Samantha faltered.

"You started it." She said more loudly and Maria shook her head.

"Alright. The book describes the vrykolaka, well vampire." She started and Samantha nodded expectantly.

"What does it say?" she asked as she leaned forward.

Maria pointed at an illustration, "This is what some believe it looks like. Originally the vrykolakas was thought to be a werewolf. The name comes from Slavic languages and it means wolf and long hair. Thus, the name."

"He doesn't look like a wolf." Samantha said quietly.

"Yes, but he has teeth similar of one." Maria pointed at the creature's vicious teeth.

Samantha gulped, "He's not a werewolf. I am certain of it." She murmured.

"Greek legend has it that a vampire can only be killed by exorcism and decapitation. Some even cut up…the corpses into pieces when they thought they were being possessed by a vampire. They also burned the bodies so that the victim could be freed of the living death inside of him as they said." Maria visibly shuddered.

"Wait, is that all it says? There's nothing that can save the one who has become a vampire?" Samantha shook her head and stared at Maria hopefully.

"No. They compare the vampire with the incubus in some regions…The body is dead anyway…"

"That does not make any sense!" Samantha stood and started pacing, "He is the same man. He's not possessed…"

"I am only telling you what I read. There are many myths that aren't true…It says that vampires are deadly creatures. That they kill whatever they find because their thirst is uncontrollable. And yet here you tell me that he let you go unharmed. He did not kill me." She added the last sentence as an after thought.

"He thought he had though." Samantha murmured.

"That's probably because he's not aware of his power and strength. It says here that some vampires killed their victims simply by impaling them or crushing them because they had no awareness of their strength. A vrykolakas cannot drink from the dead. It's like poison to him." Maria looked back down at the book.

Samantha shivered and hugged her arms, "So they what…Drain living people?" she asked and her stomach started turning at the insinuation.

"If they want to kill them yes. Most of them cannot control themselves enough to stop. And they can stop but it says here that newborn vampires don't have that much strength because unlike older vampires who have gotten used to their nature, they only think of one thing; hunger. They don't connect with their human nature at all. Emotions are foreign to them at the beginning." Maria turned the page and started reading another passage.

"That's also not valid. He was completely aware of himself-…"

"Yet, he said he wanted to kill you." Maria cut her off sharply but then her eyes softened, "It's his natural instinct, Sam. He's no longer human. He's a predator, a creature of the night. He's not our master."

"Don't say that!" Samantha shook her head, "Don't ever say that. He's buried himself in that tomb so he would not hurt us-…"

"Samantha, vampires cannot co-exist with humans. We are a temptation to them. It says here that they don't care about humans of the same sex…But they do attach themselves with the opposite gender because they might feel attraction." Maria whispered.

Samantha blinked, "What does that mean?"

"It means that many of them are so lonely-…"

"You speak as if there are others out there." Samantha cut her off.

Maria bit her lip, "It says here that it is possible for humans not to be aware of the presence of a vrykolaka. It says that one can bite you and you might not even realize it."

"How is that possible? Won't we feel the pain?" Samantha asked with confusion.

"No, because they are seductive creatures. Like the incubi. Only that they don't drain the life power of their victims; they drain their blood."

"But why would one just bite someone and not drain them?"

"Because they think of the bite as a claim on the human; whether it is a man or a woman." Maria whispered.

"You mean they are looking for companionship?" Samantha clarified the hidden meaning and Maria nodded.

"My God." Samantha covered her mouth with her hand, "Does it say how one becomes a vampire?"

The other woman nodded faintly, "There are a lot of legends-…"

"Stop calling them that! Vampires exist so the legends have to be facts. What does it say?" she almost snapped and Maria sighed.

"Alright, wait a moment…" she flipped through the pages of the large volume while Samantha gazed outside the window. It was getting dark. She hadn't even realized that they had been in the library for so long.

"It says that one of the explanations is that the person had lived a sinful life…That the transformation into a vampire is his punishment for living in sin." Maria looked up and eyed Samantha who had gone rigid.

"Sin?"

"Yes." Maria flushed.

"Well, that is not the case!" Samantha shook her head, "I saw Angelique turning him into what he is."

"Yes, but he had a lot of affairs-…"

"That does not make him a sinner. He was not a murder, he had wronged no one. He was good-…"

"Sam, don't get angry with me. I am simply suggesting things here. Alright, another explanation is that the vampires had not lived religiously; that they did not participate in church…Not valid. Another one is that they were buried in unholy ground…Ground that had not been blessed by the church-…"

"Wait. Wait, he fell off Widows' Hill." Samantha cut her off and Maria frowned.

"Yes?"

"Well, that hill has brought death to a lot of women…It is unholy ground because it has been the place where people committed suicide. The church doesn't bless the dead who have taken their lives because it is believed that only God has the power to take back the gift he gave. It's considered blasphemy." Samantha's eyes gradually widened and Maria gaped at her.

"That…that's true." She whispered.

"That's why Angelique led Josette there. It was the only place in Collinsport where she could turn him into a vampire. Oh, my God. That makes so much sense." Samantha murmured, "Does it say anything about sating a vampire's thirst?" she asked eagerly and Maria frowned.

"I am not sure…I need to read the rest." She said as he flipped through the next pages, "Here it says that in Mytilene, a Greek island, they killed vampires by thrusting…wooden spikes through the neck, the ankles-…" Maria started.

"I don't need that information." Samantha said in a firm voice and Maria looked up.

"Yes, you do if you stay here longer. This is madness-…"

"Are you saying that I should kill him? Or that someone else should?" Samantha asked her with wide eyes.

"Sam, you cannot protect yourself-…"

"He won't hurt me-…"

"But what if he does? What if he's outside right now? What if his thirst gets the better of him? According to your saying he has not fed. That makes him lethal." Maria stood and placed a hand on Samantha's arm.

"I can't think of that. Please. You must understand."

"I do understand. I've always understood that you were in love with him. But now I see that it's not that simple." Maria smiled sadly.

"What do you mean?" Samantha wiped a tear from her cheek.

"I see that you love him. That's different. I am barely forcing myself to stay." Maria replied as she reached up and fingered her bandaged neck.

"You can go." Samantha said gently and Maria shook her head.

"Nope. Because I still haven't gone through the Romanian legends. We might find something there." She smiled and then resumed her seat. Samantha could have kissed her feet in gratefulness.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Samantha wiped her hands against her dress, drying them from the cold sweat that had formed on her skin. She gulped and eyed the wall next to the fireplace with wide eyes.

Taking a deep breath, she started approaching. She placed her hand beneath the curve of the mantelpiece and pressed on the lever. A faint crack resonated but she realized with a start that the hidden door did not open. She frowned and pressed on the lever again. Once more, nothing. She stepped back and walked over to the wall. She placed her hands against the secret gate and tried to push it open but to no avail. The door was barely ajar and the distinct smell of humid soil reached her nostrils. She pushed again and tried to slip her fingers through the small opening but then a low growl made her go as stiff as a board. Her hand froze between the small crevice and every hair on her body stood on end.

"Master?" she whispered and a sound similar to a baby's whimper caused her heart to clench, "Master, why did you barricade the door?" she asked in a firmer voice but he didn't reply. But she knew, she just knew that he was there.

"Talk to me." She whispered because she was aware of his perfect hearing.

"Samantha, get out of my house." His voice was hoarse and barely his own and she felt the door vibrate as he slapped his hands hard against the surface.

She jumped back and gasped, her heart thrumming wildly in her chest.

"That's right, run." He hissed but his voice got caught in a groan, "Please."

"You knew I was here." She murmured.

"I can smell you. Don't come near me again. There's no solution for me. Get out. If you have any pity for me you will leave this place." His tone turned weaker as he spoke and she swallowed hard.

"I do not pity you." She called as she tried to make her hands stop shaking.

"How heartless you are. Tempting me with your presence when all I want is to curl upon your bosom and sleep until I am dead." He choked out and she took a step closer.

"Then come out-…"

"But I won't sleep because the dead do not sleep. Because monsters do not have lovers. They only have victims. Leave this village, Samantha, before I am tempted to follow you like a lost puppy."

"No-…"

"Get out of my house!" he barked and the walls of Collinwood shook with the sound. She gasped and gazed around her. The chandelier was moving as if an earthquake was taking place.

"Barnabas-…"

"I said get out! Leave!"

There was a loud thud and then the secret door was thrust open. She froze when she saw his shadow under the threshold. He looked like terror himself. His features were twisted in a fierce snarl and his skin looked so deathly pale that tears welled up in her eyes.

"Please-…"

"You saw me. Now go. And don't ever come back. I mean it." There was a sudden motion around her as if he moved in a circle and then the window to her left was impacted by his figure. He was gone in a heartbeat; even before the shards of glass collided with the ground.

She stood where he had left her, shaking like a leaf before she tightened her fists and set her jaw.

"Well, Master. I am not afraid of you." She said out loud, "And I know you can hear me." She added quietly, "I am sorry but I will help you." With that she turned and headed for the library again.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Are you alright? I've been looking everywhere for you." Maria burst into the library with some bread and porridge on a tray.

"I'm here." Samantha murmured as she looked up, "I'm not hungry." She shook her head.

"You have to eat. Besides, I read something that I forgot to tell you." Maria placed the tray upon the grand desk.

"What?"

"In the strigoi legend, the human can become a vampire by a witch's curse. That's our case. But I didn't find anything of how the thirst can be controlled." Maria said as she sat down next to her and pushed the bowl of porridge towards her.

Samantha rubbed her eyes, "I see." she looked up at the other woman, "I have something for you." She murmured. She reached into a velvet pouch to her left and pulled out a silver ring, "Put this on. Silver is lethal for vampires. I read it here. All you have to do is touch them with the metal." She pointed at the book in front of her and Maria took the ring.

"Is that…"

"Lady Collins'? Yes. I figured no one would mind if we borrowed them." She pointed at a silver necklace she had yet to put on and Maria quickly put on the ring.

"This could be just a legend, you know." She whispered.

"That's what we thought about vampires too." Samantha murmured.

"By the way, where did you go so early? The front gate was ajar." Maria said suddenly and Samantha paused.

"I didn't leave the manor. I've been here all night." She frowned.

"But the door was open and I shut it when I left."

Samantha's breath hitched, "No. Are you sure?" she suddenly stood up, knocking her chair to the ground.

At Maria's nod she placed a hand over her chest and fled the library.

"Sam! Where are you going? Come back!" Maria called anxiously as she too stood and trailed after her.

"Maria, stay! I'll be back!" Samantha quickened her pace and ran down the stairs that led to the parlor. As soon as she was there complete silence fell upon her and only the sound of her own breathing disturbed the heavy veil of quietness.

Her eyes went to the secret door with depredation and when she saw that it was slightly ajar her lungs closed up. She heaved for breath but forced herself to approach.

"Samantha." Maria whispered but she paid no heed to the murmured warning. With a sharp intake of breath she stormed towards the passageway. She climbed down the narrow steps and she was surprised when she realized that her path was illuminated by candles. So he did not like staying in complete darkness. She heard hesitant footsteps behind her but she didn't try to warn Maria off again; because she herself was scared of walking in alone. Selfish, but she could not help it.

The two paths were both lighted by candles and she stepped into the right one.

As soon as she did she heard rapid breathing and the faint sound of sobbing. She paused and Maria collided with her back. Before the other woman had the chance to yelp Samantha covered her mouth with her palm, shushing her. Maria nodded her head in compliance and Samantha pulled her hand away.

They both turned towards the sound and as they started walking down the path the sobbing got louder.

Maria paused with wide eyes but Samantha carried on walking with balled hands. She peered into the enclosed crypt and the first thing she saw was Barnabas, curled upon the ground with his hands around his drawn up knees. His eyes were wide and staring right ahead and there was blood running down his chin from the corner of his mouth. Tears were rolling down his white cheeks and he looked…better. Samantha's heart almost jumped right out of her chest when his helpless eyes fell upon her. He seemed to gasp for breath and his entire form started shaking at the mere sight of her.

"Don't." he choked out and as he spoke more blood leaked from his mouth.

Samantha swallowed thickly and took a step further inside. He tensed up and started shaking his head.

"No."

"Master."

"No."

"It's alright-…" the words died on her tongue because her gaze finally fell on the sight that had him sobbing like a child. A few feet away and right against the cave wall was the motionless form of a woman. Her eyes were wide open and her neck was bloodied and purple. Bile rose in Samantha's mouth but she swallowed hard, forcing herself to keep he wits about.

"She was in here when I came back. I don't know how she got in here." His voice was hysterical and he was harshly tugging at his hair and running his nails down his face in a self punishing rhythm that brought tears in her eyes.

Maria gasped as soon as she saw the corpse but Samantha took a deep breath and started approaching the vampire. He stiffened and tried to flinch back but he had nowhere else to go. He was already pressed back against the wall.

"Stay away."

"Sam." Maria's voice was too quiet but the other woman did not listen. She kneeled down next to him and in an act of sheer stupidity- or foolish courage- she grabbed her master's hands and pulled them away from his face. His eyes turned wild at the feeling of her touch and his eyes flickered for a moment. His breathing slowed down and his fingers coiled into tight fists as she held him by the wrists.

"Shh." Samantha murmured and he swallowed rapidly, his eyes not straying from her face as she finally allowed herself to relax.

"I didn't mean to. I was so thirsty. No one will ever know how…" he trailed off and as if suddenly remembering himself he pulled one hand away and tried to wipe at the blood on his mouth and chin. He turned slightly away from her but she was having none of it.

"Maria, get some matches-…"

"We can use the candles." Maria cut her off in a strong voice, "For the body." The last sentence left her with a small sob.

Samantha reached into her skirt pocket and pulled out a linen handkerchief. She grasped Barnabas' chin and started wiping the evidence of the blood away. His eyes shone as he stared at her with bewilderment but she carried on.

"What are you doing?" he murmured as if finally realizing that she was really there and touching him. He pulled his other hand from her wrist and pulled his face away, his nostrils flaring at the first real whiff of her scent.

"Get out." He grasped her wrist in his hand, halting her movements before he thrust her hand away from him. She winced and rubbed her hand and he snarled.

"You're treating me like a baby. Like I shouldn't suffer for my deeds. Don't you understand? Has your desire blinded you so much?" his voice was a low growl of incredulity, "Why do you stay? Why don't you leave? Don't you understand that your kindness makes me suffer more? Take Maria and go. I won't warn you again." He shuffled away from her and she could see that he was lucid, sated. He was not a danger at the moment.

"I can stay and help. We have been studying your books-…"

"There's nothing you can do to help! Your mere presence makes my throat burn. Ask her." He motioned towards Maria who was cowering against the wall, "Ask her how I attacked her. Ask her how she was trying to be kind. Ask her how I paid her back. Don't just stand there, Samantha!" he barked and his features started twisting up in a deadly snarl, his fangs bared and she knew that he was doing it on purpose. Maria gasped and whimpered but Samantha held her ground at his fit of anger.

He growled at her insistence and eyed the corpse before he snarled and started moving towards her.

Samantha, realizing his intention, moved fast and she grabbed the closest candle she could find. She threw the inflamed wax on the woman's lifeless form and flames erupted.

Barnabas jumped back with wide eyes and his hands curled into tight fists of fury as the fire spread from the woman's skirt to the rest of her.

"Drinking from the dead, Master? I thought you weren't a coward." Samantha whispered with wide eyes, shocked at her own action. But she wasn't going to allow him to take the easy way out. There had to be other solutions.

"What do you know? Nothing! How can you feel how I feel? Josette died because of me. My parents died because of me. You almost died because of me!" he cried as he started approaching her but stopped himself short.

"But I didn't! I live because of you!" Samantha almost yelled at him.

"You have to endure me-this- because of me! Innocent people will die because of me!" he screamed at her and Maria was horrified by then, pressing herself harder against the wall.

"I breathe because of you!" Samantha screamed back at him and he froze, "Don't you understand me? What else can I do to make you see that I don't care what you are?" she cried as a dry sob got caught in her throat.

Maria blinked in shock and started backing away. It felt far too intimate by then.

"But you obviously don't care how I feel. Your constant anger towards me is making the pain bigger. Why do you insist in seeing things your way?" Samantha fisted her hands upon her skirt, pressing the bloodied material of her handkerchief hard against her dress in the process.

"Why do you insist or denying whatever comfort I can give you? You've always done this. Always." She whispered in a resigned voice and he seemed as if he was frozen as he stood in front of her with tense shoulders and rigid back.

"If you're so intent on your goal to die then you should keep yourself locked in here forever. Stay in here and lose your soul-…"

"I don't have one." He cut her off sharply.

Samantha closed her eyes and nodded, "Very well. Then kill me. It'd be easier. Kill me and then drink from my dead body. Because if you plan on doing it, I don't want to be here and see it." She took a step closer and he took a step back.

"Why are you backing away? You want to die, don't you? I am offering you a way out. Kill me and then kill yourself. That way I won't have to stand your rejection." She almost snarled as she reached out and grabbed his hand. His fingers flexed as he tried to resist her grip but she was having none of it. She tugged harshly on his hand and his eyes widened when she wrapped his fingers around her own neck.

"Do it." She whispered as she coiled her fingers around his wrist, "I said do it!" she screamed and he snarled before he slipped his fingers into her hair and tugged harshly until she had to tilt her head back. Her heart thundered as his face came closer and his eyes were immediately drawn to the pulsing artery on her neck. Samantha gazed at him from beneath her eyelashes and she could see the indecision upon his face as his eyes kept flickering from her neck to her face and back again.

"I'll forgive you if you do it. If you think this is the only way, I forgive you." She whispered and she meant every word.

His features convulsed and his eyes zeroed upon her carotid artery before he parted his mouth and bared his fangs. Samantha's hand tightened upon his forearm as his fingers twisted themselves deeper into her strands and her eyes squeezed tightly shut as he pulled her neck closer in an abrupt move. She cried out as the sudden movement made her throat ache and as he held himself just a breath away from the pulsing artery she forgot how to breathe.

His breathing was fast and heavy and oh-so cold against her skin and as she remained there motionless her heartbeat started slowing down. What was he doing? His close proximity and the rising smoke from the burning body started blurring her vision and she gasped for breath.

Her eyes flickered open and they turned to settle upon his tousled dark hair. Her fingers ached to touch it but then she felt a change in him. A moment later his teeth, his flat front teeth, not his fangs, bit sharply down onto her shoulder and she cried out. It just stung but her eyes drifted close in sheer terror. Was he going to do it? Was he going to kill her?

Her hands grabbed at his clothes and the artery on her neck started pounding by the force of her emotions. Her breath hitched as his lips sucked hard against the tiny incisions and she clutched at him for dear life as the sucking turned into a pattern of slow suckling and then to tiny kisses upon her skin.

"Good Christ! Sam!" Maria's scream echoed around them and his body tensed up, his muscles going rigid before he abruptly released her.

Without him supporting her, she stumbled back, back until Maria, who had returned for her, caught her and started pulling her away from the smoky crypt.

He backed up against the closest wall and watched their retreat with wide eyes before he spoke.

"Don't ask this of me ever again. Do you hear me? Never!" he screamed before he slid down the wall and cradled his head in his hands.

The last thing Samantha saw before the hidden door closed on her face was the rising smoke mingling with the dim candlelight.

"Alone. Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym."
― Stephen King

End of chapter 20

Author's note: Still here? Great! Thank you for reading!

Now, all the things mentioned about the vampires are true. I did my research. :p

Please review before you go. Reviews make me write faster and they feed the muse! ;o)

Please?

Oh and a huge shout out to XantheXV for taking on the project of drawing scenes from this story for me and for all of you of course! Thank you, love! I will let you know when they are ready! Oh and visit her FB page. She has some pretty awesome stories too!

Until next time, darlings!

Xxx Lina ;o)