Disclaimer: I have not now, nor will i ever own glee or its characters (unfortunatley) but that deosn't mean that i can't use them for stories, right? :)
Chapter Five
Two Days Before
23rd March 2012
The only good thing that came out of Santana knowing the truth was the fact that it made her gain inspiration. Apparently the best inspiration she could have ever gotten too, for as soon as she was introduced to the well known singer-songwriter Adele she knew she had to let every emotion she was feeling out, in the only way she knew how.
Through song.
This was something being in Glee Club had taught her, all those years ago, with the good old' Mr Schuester.
Oh how Santana missed that man, though she couldn't bear to look at his ever optimistic face half the time she really did miss his words of wisdom. A part of her wanted to call him and let him know everything that was going on with her right now, just because she knew he would know what to do. And that's all she needed right now, for someone to shed some light and tell her exactly what she had to do, because if she were to be honest, she hadn't the slightest clue. But she did know one thing though; she wasn't going to cry about it anymore.
She had done enough of that yesterday, when she first found out. And practically all of last night too, she still couldn't get over the fact that she had broken down on the phone to Quinn - of all people. She hadn't seen that shorter blonde in so long. Too long. She hadn't seen any of them for so long.
Santana was lucky enough to manage to get out of the meeting, and that was only because Puck literally forced her to go home and made it his responsibility to make sure nobody went to see her for the rest of the day. At the time she hated it, she thought that he was putting her on lock-down and she hated the fact that he seemed to think he knew what to do. But now that she thought about it she was more than thankful for what he did, because she knew that she needed that.
She needed to let it all out, which she did – her smashed plates and tear-stained pillows in her apartment were proof of that. She definitely needed that day of tears (as Puck has now officially dubbed it) if only to get it all out of her system so she could do just this, what she was doing now. Writing the perfect song, with the best songwriter in show business, and letting out every emotion within her in this one song.
And the song was apparently going to be a hit, which was even more of a bonus in her eyes. Santana's record company loved it, Adele loved it, her managers loved it, everyone was in awe of the heartbreakingly perfect song the two singers had managed to achieve together. Both of whom witnessed heartache and pain, maybe not the exact same way, but they both felt it all the same, and that feeling was proved in that one song. Now all Santana had to do was wait for SJF to make it official, and let the rest of the world feel their pain too. All she had to do was let her hear how she really felt, about everything, and then Santana would just wait and see what would happen from there.
Her eyes widen, her eyebrows lift up, her mocha lips hanging open in shock. She's in her bedroom again, lying on her bed, like she was when she fell asleep. Her dark brown eyes hanging on the verge of tears, again. But it's not until she starts to smell that strangely familiar smell of Jasmine and Honey that she starts to realise something is wrong.
Now that she's wide awake she starts to look around. She notices familiar black wallpaper, she notices the picture that hangs on the wall where her bed is, and she notices her beloved dressing table in the corner of her room. She is in her room, but not the one that she thought at first. She's not in her swanky, modern day apartment bedroom, like she was when she fell asleep. She's in the room that she hasn't slept in, in what feels like a lifetime ago. Santana can't even remember the last time she fell asleep in it. She's in her old bedroom. The one in Lima, Ohio. The one place she's always dreamt of being in, but hasn't been there for a little over three months now.
So why she is she here now?
That's the first question running through her mind. She takes a long sniff of the air; taking in the one smell she's missed the most. It's the smell of her home and Brittany.
Oh Brittany.
How she longs to be with her again. It's been three months too long and honestly Santana doesn't know how she's survived. That's if she is still alive, because she still doesn't know how she got here.
And then she hears it. It's quiet at first, but once she's noticed it the music starts to become louder. It's a sweet tune of a song that she hasn't heard of in a long while. So why is she hearing it now?
And that's when she sees it. When she sees them. She would recognise that mohawked head and those sly green eyes any day. It's her friends Puck and Quinn. But why are they here. In her bedroom. In Ohio.
Now Santana starts to freak out, this is all just too weird, she's pretty sure she would remember coming back to Ohio and having her friends stay round in her room. But she doesn't remember that at all. Not any of it. She hears laughter. Familiar laughter, they sound like the laughs of Mercedes and Tina from her Glee Club.
Why would they be in her room?
She may speak to Mercedes every now and then but she can't remember the last time she had a real conversation with Tina. Maybe she needs to give her famous scowl and the girl will leave. Some people don't take a hint until you give it to them. And that's exactly what she's about to do, until she notices the rest of them.
Everyone else from her glee club. Rachel, Finn, Kurt, Lauren, Artie – Now she knows something is definitely wrong because dreaming of Rachel is something she can kind-of handle, but Artie, something is really wrong here.
She sees Finn playing on the huge set of drums that just happen to be in her room, Puck and Quinn standing beside each other, with microphones in hand – like their getting ready to sing. But why would they be singing, especially now, at this time in the morning. If it is the morning? Everyone else begins to sway in the background, it's almost like they had this prepared. How come she didn't know about this, is it some kind of surprise? Because they all know that she hates surprises, most of them had to find that out the hard way.
And then Quinn starts to sing.
# lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you
She still doesn't know what's going on, why their singing this song. But then as she continues to look on at their random performance, she begins to notice something. Something that she starts to wonder how she couldn't have noticed from the very beginning. She isn't there. Brittany isn't here, in my room, in Ohio.
Caught up in circles confusion is nothing new
So then where is she?
Santana doesn't know, she hasn't the slightest clue. She wants to ask Puck or Quinn, or any of the others, but their all just standing there watching her with smiles on their faces.
Why are they smiling?
They shouldn't be smiling when Brittany isn't there.
Where the hell is Brittany?
That's when Puck starts to join in too.
Flashbacks, warm nights, almost left behind
She wants to see those eyes, and that soft golden hair, those cute little freckles that shine in the summer and hide in winter. She wants to see her and hug her, and tell her that she misses her. Tell her how no nights are warm when she's not lying there next to her. She just wants to see her.
A suitcase of memories
Time after
And she does see her, she's everywhere. She's the only thing she can see now, as she is no longer in her room in Ohio being watched by her fellow Glee Clubbers. Instead she has fallen straight through a suitcase, and she's falling, and falling. And everywhere she looks she can see her. Her Brittany.
She sees them when they were six and first see each other, she walks to her and she offers her hand to Brittany – whom had just been pushed over by Puckerman. She remembered how angry she was at the boy when she saw him do that. She couldn't help but punch him on the arm and help the girl up. But now that she sees it again, she's so glad that she had, because that was the moment she got her best friend for life. That was the moment she got her Brittany.
Sometimes you picture me; I'm walking too far ahead
Santana begins to wonder if these memories will ever end. It's like she is watching her whole life flash before her eyes. And she never knew until now just how much Brittany has been there. She's there in every memory, every second of her life. She didn't think she could ever miss her as much as she begins to miss her now. She wants to see her, in person.
And so she does.
She isn't falling anymore. When she thinks about it she hasn't been falling for a while now, she just never realised. She's in a park, and the sun is out, which is strange because the last thing she knew it was the morning and it was supposed to be winter. But then again she has no idea what's going on anymore. She starts to walk ahead, through the wide open field and to the park, with the slide and the swings, in the middle of it all.
You're calling to me; I can't hear what you've said
And then she hears something, something very familiar. Something she hasn't heard in a very, very long time. But once she hears it, she wants to hear it again, and again and again. She just can't get enough of it. She knows who it is; she could recognise that sweet angelic voice anyway. But she's too far away for her to know what she's saying.
What is she saying?
Then you say go slow, I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
She sees her. She is there, standing right in front of her. Santana doesn't even know how she got there that fast but at that moment she doesn't care because she sees her. She is right there, touching distance. And she's smiling, that perfect smile she only has when she sees Santana. The one that lets Santana know just how much she needs her too. And Santana needs her.
So much.
Too much.
She wants to tell her this whilst giving her the biggest hug ever. But then Brittany is showing her her watch. She's pointing at the time and Santana begins to hear what she was saying to her before.
"We're running late, come on San" and the next thing she knows she's ahead of her, sprinting off in the distance.
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
She'd lost her, where did she go? Where was she?
How could she have lost her already, she had only just seen her again. She didn't even get to say 'hello'.
"Brittany, Brittany where are you?" she starts to call out, maybe she just went over here.
Santana starts to head to the park again, she might be by the slide.
"Come on San" she can hear her again. She's giggling, oh how she has missed that giggle. It was so cute and bouncy, just like her. She turns around and there she is again, right in front of her.
"Follow me" she half whispers in her ear. Her breathe hitting her skin making Santana's breathe hitch. She wants to feel it again, she needs to, but then Brittany is running again. She starts to run after her, giggling too.
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
"Brittany, Brittany where are we going?" she asks through her laughter. She loves playing chase with her; they always played this when they were children. But then Brittany's gone again and suddenly it's not so fun anymore.
"Brittany" she calls out. No answer.
"Brittany, you've gone again, where are you?" She asks, trying to keep her tears at bay.
Why does she keep leaving her? And where does she go?
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
"BOO!"
Santana screams. She turns around so fast her head starts to spin. She hates when people do that. But then she sees Brittany's shining blue eyes, twinkling in the sun, and her huge smiling face, making her eyes crinkle and Santana knows that she could never hate her.
If you fall, I will catch you
(I'll be waiting)
I will be waiting
Time after time
"I'm here San, I'm always here" Brittany tells her reassuringly.
Santana nods, its all she can do now that she can feel a lump forming in her throat. Oh how this girl makes her swoon.
And then she feels it. Her warm embrace, as she gets wrapped up in her hug, its almost like Brittany is her blanket, and Santana is snuggling up into her, nice and warm.
"I'll always catch you when you fall" Brittany whispers quietly. But Santana can hear her. She can hear every word.
After my picture fades and darkness has turned to grey
Brittany lets go. She doesn't want her too, but when she sees her smiling still she knows its ok. Everything is ok as long as Brittany is there next to her. She starts to giggle again and then grabs her hand and they start to jog towards where Brittany was going before. Santana looks up and notices that the sky isn't as clear as it used to be.
Why is it turning grey?
Oh no, it's going to rain. But Brittany doesn't know yet. Maybe I should tell her. But I can't. I can't say anything when she keeps looking back and smiling at me like that. So she doesn't say anything at all.
You're watching through windows, you're wondering if I'm ok
"Are you ok San?" she hears Brittany ask. Her face scrunching up, now that she has noticed Santana's confused face.
"Yeah, I'm all good" she says, smiling back as she does so. The last thing she wants to do is worry the girl. She wants to know where Brittany is taking her. And once Brittany starts to smile back again she knows that she's in the all clear.
Secrets stolen, from deep inside
The drum beats out of time
"Where are we going Britt?" Santana chances asking again. She really does hate surprises.
But Brittany just shushes her and tells her to follow her and wait and see. So that's exactly what she does.
But when Brittany lets go of her hand she knows that she can't wait any longer. She wants to know already.
And how big is this park?
The field seems to be going on for miles. Brittany keeps running away.
How did she get so fast?
Santana loses track of her again.
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
"Brittany, Brittany please, tell me where you are?" Santana pleads. "I keep losing you"
Then she hears her giggle again, into her ear and she says quietly "You'll never loose me San." Goosebumps run up her arms at the intensity of the words and the way she said it. As if she truly means it.
"Then stop leaving me" she tells her, her voice coming out croaky. But Brittany doesn't seem to notice it, she just laughs instead.
"I'll never leave you San, you just have to follow me" she says happily, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
She starts to run, and Santana keeps up beside her. She doesn't want to let her out of her sight again. They start to head to the park with the swings and slides. Santana smiles, she remembers pushing Brittany on those swings, almost everyday, when they had their holidays and there was nothing better to do. They always said that it was Their swing and nobody else's. Santana wants to go there again, with her. But Brittany has other plans as she starts to run past the park with the swings and the slide, and towards the forest at the end of the park. The one that they never went in, the one that they always deemed the 'scary forest', with its tall trees squished together, leaving no light to come in making it seem dark and dingy.
Santana didn't want to go there. Not with her or anyone for that matter.
You say go slow, I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
Santana starts to shake her head. There's no way she's going in there.
"We are not going in there B" Santana says sternly.
This is something she wants to put her foot down and just say 'No.' But then its Brittany, and she can never say 'no' to Brittany. She starts to pout, and Santana already knows that she's lost.
"We'll go slowly, if you want, we don't have to go in there straight away" Brittany says, looking her straight in the eyes.
Santana knows that's her way of saying 'just go in there with me, we'll only be in and then out.' Santana starts to think about this but knows that Brittany has won when she says "Don't you trust me."
So she steps up and takes her lead. Brittany jumps up and down with glee, her smile brightening the sky, which Santana notices is still grey and cloudy. This isn't a good idea, but she does it anyway, if only to see Brittany that happy again.
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
As soon as she's inside she knows that they should leave. It's dark. Almost too dark, it's like it's the night time in here. Santana doesn't like it. She looks around but she can't see much. Just branches and leaves, a few birds flying around here and there, but nothing much to look at. And then it gets quiet. Almost too quiet.
Where's Brittany? Why isn't she next to her? She's lost track of her again, why does she keep doing that?
Santana starts to look around, but she can't see anything. She can't see her bright blonde hair, or those dazzling blue eyes. She can't find her in here at all. She starts to run around but the forest is just as big as the field. It seems to be going on forever.
Why isn't it ending?
"Brittany!" she shouts out. No answer.
"Brittany, this isn't funny, where are you?" She shouts out again, but still nothing.
She doesn't want to cry but she feels like she can't do anything else. She's lost and she doesn't know where her best friend is. She has no idea where she is. She just wants her Brittany.
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
"I'm here San, you know I'm always here" she can hear Brittany's voice, but she still can't see her.
"But I can't see you!" she shouts out into the dark air.
"Of course you can't San. That's the whole point. Stop being a silly-duck" she hears Brittany giggle out. Why is this funny to her, this isn't funny at all. She knew she should have never have come in here.
If you fall, I will catch you
(I'll be waiting)
I will be waiting
Time after time
"Why can't I see you?" she asks her, looking around at every direction, still not sure of where she is.
Time after time
"Because you left me San, you left me for your dream. I wasn't enough for you" Brittany says. She isn't laughing anymore. Her voice is serious, and hurt.
Time after time
Santana knows that she's hurt. She didn't want to hurt Brittany, that wasn't what she was aiming for at all. She just wanted to be a singer.
Why did wanting fame have to lead to all this?
Time after time
"Because you always think of yourself San, you never think of me" Brittany answered her question. She didn't even know she had said that out loud.
"I always think of you, Britt. I do everything for you. I never think of anything else, but you!" Santana screamed back. She didn't know where she was so she just said it to the tree standing in front of her. She didn't care how she looked screaming at a tree; she wanted Brittany to know that she was always on her mind.
How could she not be?
Time after time
"Ok Sannie, I trust you" she heard her say, ever so quietly. Santana didn't know if that was true or not. It should be because she trusted Brittany, with her life. "As long as you remember San that I'll always catch you when you fall" Brittany said earnestly.
Time after time
Santana started to cry. The words hitting her like a slap in the face.
Brittany wasn't here, so how could she catch her?
Time after time
Santana started to fall to the ground, she couldn't take this anymore. She wanted to go back home. To her room in Ohio, where all the Glee Clubbers are singing a song. She wants to smell Jasmine and Honey again; she wants to see all their smiling faces, even Artie and Rachel's. She wants to see them all. As long as it gets her out of here.
Time after
She starts to fall. Just like before. But there's no suitcase of memories anymore. There's nothing. It's just her, falling and falling fast. There's no one there, no one is catching her. She doesn't trust her. Not anymore.
Brittany isn't catching her when she falls.
Time after
30th October 2005
Santana shoots up in bed, panting, her breathing coming back to her. She starts to look around, whilst placing a hand to her heart. She feels her heartbeat, its beating so fast. Just like her breathing which is short and quick. She uses her other hand to wipe the perspiration on her forehead.
She starts to recognise the things in her room, the noises she can hear from outside. And when she sniffs the air she can smell the familiar smell of Febreeze and her Chanel perfume. There's no homey smell wafting through the air, like her house back in Ohio. There's no black wallpaper on her walls – just pure white – no posters – just a whole wall covered in glass windows. That's where her bed is facing opposite, so that every time she wakes up she can see the lights of buildings that never seem to turn off. She can see the lights that move every which way and she knows that they are from the cars and the cabs. She can hear the noises of slight traffic, and she knows that it must be quite early if everyone is heading to work now.
The sky is still a bit dark out, but she can see the sun starting to rise. She looks at the digital alarm clock on her fancy nightstand and sees that it's five in the morning. That's when she begins to realise where she is. She isn't in Lima anymore. She isn't in her bedroom in Ohio, and there's no one else in her room. No smiling faces to be seen. No golden hair shining in the distance. It was all a dream.
'It was just a dream' she tells herself.
Like Brittany doesn't trust her anymore, she will always trust her. That's what she needs to believe anyway. She seems to be having a lot of dreams like that recently.
Of Brittany.
Of her not loving her or caring about her anymore. But deep down inside Santana knows that she'll always care about her, she has to, they spent every second of everyday together, how could she not? But still, a part of her questioned it anyway.
Her breathing seemed to be going back to normal. She wasn't gasping for air anymore, and her perspiration had dried now, she hated having nightmares. She just hated dreaming at all, it always ended up like this. She knew what she had to do. She did this every time this happened, which was a lot.
Santana lifted her warm blanket off of her, and she started to get up. She gave a little stretch before tiptoeing out of her room. It was still early; she didn't want to wake anyone up. Well not her Papi anyway. She opened and closed her door as quietly as she could, and just as she was about to open her parents' door it swung open itself. And soon she was standing face to face to the one person she had been reassured by every night.
Her Mamí was standing there, no smile on her face, no sparkle in her eyes. She looked tired, like she needed to sleep, like that was all she wanted and needed to do, but she couldn't. And Santana knew why, she hated having to put her mother through all this, but she needed someone. And her Mamí was always there to help her. She never asked, her Mamí never told her that she was going to help, she just did it anyway. And that always made Santana love her just that little bit more. But right now, seeing her mother like this, she couldn't help but hate herself.
"I'm sorry Mamí." That was all that was needed to be said before her mother wrapped her up in her open arms.
Santana hugged her back just as tightly. Neither of them let go.
"I dreamt about her again, I always seem to dream about her" she told her Mamí when she was back in her room. Her mother helping her get back in bed again. They did this every night. When she would wake up Santana would find her mother and they would go back to bed and just talk, talk until she went back to sleep again, and then her mother could go back to sleep as well. Even though she hated putting her mother through this she was glad that she was there to help her. She needed this, otherwise she would never get any sleep at night, and her mother always told her that that was the most important thing.
"What was it this time? She didn't love you again, that's a popular one" her mother said, almost sarcastically but Santana wasn't sure anymore.
Her Mamí just seemed to be speaking through one tone; it was her tired, bored and slightly worried tone. Like as if she just couldn't be bothered to handle this anymore. Santana didn't know how to feel about that, she needed her mothers help the most, she couldn't lose that.
"No actually, it was her not trusting me" she told her quietly.
"Oh, that ones new" her mother seemed to barely chuckle out.
Santana was just about to say something back to her Mamí, like ask her why she was being like this, but she didn't need to as her mother answered her anyway.
"Look Mija, I know that you are hurting, I know that you miss your best friend dearly." Her mother told her honestly, her accent coming out strong and her eyes locked on to hers, she didn't look away.
"But this is enough!" her Mamí half shouted, she knew she couldn't be too loud, but to Santana she practically screamed it out.
The words burned her to the core. Now her mother had had enough of her too.
"It's been over three months now, Mija. You need to let it go. You need to let her go because you can not keep acting like this anymore." Her mother said, truthfully, so truthfully that it hurt the both of them. "I miss her too you know Mija, she was like another daughter to me" her mother brought her hand to her heart when she said that, as if to prove she meant every word.
"But even I have managed to let it go, I had to leave Ohio too. I had friends back there just like you, but I left them all for you" her mother pointed at her, her face saying it all "if I can do that and your father can do that, then why can't you? You need to at least start trying now, Mija, you have a whole other life now. One that is too important for you to just give up and throw away.
"People are already starting to know who you are. You've only just released your first album and you're already becoming a star, that's not a very easy thing to do straight away in this business Mija and you know it. You've managed to achieve that and SJF have helped you with that so much. You need to start helping them too by not acting like this, all mopey and sad.
"I've let you be like this for too long now; if we had to leave for any other reason I would let you heal from this separation on your own, let you fix this by taking your time. You could have a whole year if need be. But we left for you, so that you could get your dream. And now you have it. Do you get that Mija, you have it. You can not let it go.
"Your going to be eighteen soon, and so you will be an adult, free to make up your own decisions and choices, but tell me do you really want to let this all go away? Do you really want to stop this life you are living, the one I know that you love having because I can see it in your eyes? Do you want to leave all this and go back to that small town where nothing much happens, just a bunch of gossip and people dreaming to get out? Do you want that?" she asked Santana.
All she could do was shake her head, because she didn't want that, not any of it. She did like this life she was now living; she was enjoying being a star. It was all she had ever wanted since she was young and now she has it, she really couldn't let it all go. Not for her, not for anyone. Maybe her mother was right, maybe it was time for her to move on, and stop being so upset. It wasn't like anyone had died. It wasn't like she had died.
When she thought of it like that she felt kind of silly really, she was acting as if someone had. It was like she was grieving. But then again maybe she was. Except it wasn't death, it was her past that she was grieving for, the past that she so wanted to still be her future. But Santana knew she couldn't grieve anymore. It had been three months too long. She had to let go of it all and start looking to her new future. The one that she now leads.
"You're a star now Santana, you're my star" her mother said as she leaned in to give her a hug. Santana just nodded her head in reply. She knew that, she knew it now and she was going to start believing in it.
"What are you, Mija?" her mother asked her, chuckling slightly, a true chuckle this time. That was what gave her the courage to answer back.
"I'm a star"
Present Day
25th March 2012
Santana remembered that memory as clear as day. That had been the day that she had realised a lot of things, but the most important of all, it was the day she realised just who she was.
She wasn't Santana Lopez the second in command, head Cheerleader at McKinley High anymore; she was Santana Lopez the superstar. Everyone really had begun to know who she was, and it had only taken her three months to get there. She did plan on giving it all up as soon as she turned the big eighteen, because like her Mamí said she was an adult and could make her own choices. But by the time she was eighteen she had been in the business for seven months and it was just too late to turn back by then. Everyone, in many countries, had begun to know Santana Lopez, Pop Star sensation. Every song of hers was a hit, her first album going straight to gold. And in a year she had already gone platinum.
She really was a superstar. And it was time for her to know it, and start acting like a happy one, instead of being her miserable self. So that's what she did. That was also the night she realised that she could write songs, she had always dabbled in it before (especially after Mr. Schue made them write their own songs for Nationals) she just never managed to write a good one, a real song.
But after her Mamí had assumed she had fallen asleep and gone back to bed, Santana got up and wrote herself her first major song. And that one was a huge success. That was when Santana began to realise that she wasn't living a fairy-tale life anymore, she was living in the real world now. And in the real world there was no time for thinking about the past, she could only live in the present and think about the future. And that's exactly how she had been living her life, for seven years now. And before this month, she wouldn't have had it any other way.
But now that she knew, everything changed. Santana's whole world went upside down; the day Puck told her that. And she had gone back to wallowing in self-pity by crying it all out and blubbering on the phone like a mess, but she couldn't be like that anymore. Her mother's words ringing in her ears when she woke up.
'You're a star, Mija' so she started to act like one by turning her feelings into song, and her song with Adele was now out to the world.
She had finished recording it in record time yesterday and because of that SJF let her release it today. It wouldn't usually be so quick but because she begged and pleaded, her parents and her managers finally said yes. She needed it to be done; it had to be played out on radios today. She needed her to hear it and fast.
If that dream she had all those years ago was correct, and Brittany really did lose trust in her, then Santana knew what she must do. She couldn't live her life knowing that and saying that she did nothing about it. She had to gain her trust back, she had to see if she still cared, and she had to make sure that she really did still love her, because God only knows that Santana still does.
She was just beginning to move on and then Puck had to go and tell her that, now there was no way in hell Santana was going to move on. And there was no way in hell that Santana was going to let Brittany get married either. Not until she was absolutely certain. That Santana could be positively sure. That Brittany didn't love her anymore.
So she made Puck find out more information, he said that he knew all she needed to know but Santana wanted him to be sure. So when Santana finally had a free time to herself the first place she went to was her apartment as she knew that Puckerman would be there waiting for her. Sure enough as soon as she opened her front door he was there, talking on his phone to who she knew was Quinn. After he got off the phone to Quinn Santana went running to his side.
"What'd she say? What's going on? She's not married yet is she?" the questions coming straight out of her. It wasn't her fault though, she was curious and she really needed to know.
"God, Santana, eager beaver much" Puck said sarcastically. Santana just gave him her best scowl in reply. He laughed at that. "Ok, ok, no she's not married, not yet anyway" Santana breathed a huge sigh of relief at that, that was the only question that she really wanted to know, and now that she did she could be happy, for a while. "And Quinn told me that she'll be throwing some parties soon, she plans on getting married in…in" Puck started to stop after a while, remembering who he was talking to, he wasn't so sure if she should really know this. But he could tell by the way her eyebrows were raised and her forehead scrunched up that she wanted him to continue, although her eyes were almost daring him to. So he took the chance and sighed before continuing. "She's getting married in two months..."
"WHAT!" Santana shouted out.
Two months, two freaking months. She had expected it to be a year or something, but not two months. That was just so sudden, so soon.
Puck lifted his hand to his ear at that, but he continued anyway before Santana would break down again. It was bad enough the first time, Puck wasn't so sure if he could handle seeing her like that again.
"Yeah something about her wanting a Spring wedding. Before it-"
"Turns to Summer" Santana finished for him.
"Yeah, what'd you already know that or something?" Puck asked her, curiously.
She wanted to say 'hell yeah I know that, I was her best friend for eleven years' of course she knew that. Brittany wouldn't be Brittany if she didn't have a Springtime wedding. She had wanted it in early May since before she could even remember. She told Santana that almost everyday, almost like she was hinting it to her. The two always used to do things like that, she would hint to Brittany exactly how she imagined her engagement ring to look like, meaning what she imagined the ring she would give her would be like. But when they were fourteen Santana didn't need to imagine anymore because she had found that ring.
She knew exactly what it would look like because she knew exactly what the ring looked like, and where to get it and how much it cost. She knew everything about it, just like Brittany knew everything about their wedding. Her wedding.
She had it all planned out, there was even a time when they put their ideas in a book and Brittany would mix them together, saying that would be exactly how their wedding would look if they were to get married. She even remembers the way Brittany stared at her as she said that, in her small twelve year-old voice. And she remembered how she had looked at Brittany the exact same way, both sharing their love through their eyes.
But now it was all different, now their plans had been ruined. Santana was glad that Brittany was still having her Spring wedding, because she knew that she should have it, she deserves that wedding more than anyone.
Santana wanted more than anything to know what her wedding plans were like now, if she was still planning on having her tablecloths red linen, with black napkins and vases and purple cutlery and plates (their ideas being mixed just the way Brittany wanted it, and just the way Santana wanted it too, even if the colours didn't match at all) or if she was going to have blue roses and white tulips – their favourite flowers put together. Or if she was going to have the ceiling black and starry, so it would be just like they were dancing under a night sky.
But most of all Santana wondered what her engagement ring looked like, the one that she really ended up with, not just one that had been conjured up by imagination.
She wondered if it sparkled when it would hit the sun, she wondered if it twinkled in the night just the way her eyes would. She wondered if it was big, but not heavy so she wouldn't feel like she was carrying a diamond on her finger at all, but big so that if she had to make sure she could easily see that it was there, and that it was real. She wondered all of this and much more.
So no, Santana didn't know, she didn't know anything and that's exactly what she told Puck too. Her eyes downcast the whole time, as if she was ashamed of that fact.
"Well yeah, she's going to have it at the end of May, just before June, she recons" Puck said. Santana snapped out of her ashamed-phase as soon as he said that, her face scrunching in disbelief, her mouth hanging open.
"End of May, End of- ok what? Now hold-up since when has she ever wanted it at the end of May, that's practically Summer in Ohio, that's if she's still in Ohio?" she asked Puck.
"I don't know about that whole end of May-thing but yeah she's still in Ohio. Her and her fiancé have stayed there, she's never left the place. She's had chances too, apparently, like she could have gone to Julliard University for dance, but she never went"
"What do you mean she never went? Brittany loves Julliard. She told me she didn't want to go anywhere else." Santana said in disbelief. She couldn't believe she'd pass up on an opportunity like that. How could her 'precious' fiancé let her? Depending if they were together then.
"Yeah, we were all shocked about that too, but she decided to not go to University at all, and she said she didn't want to pursue dance to become a star or whatever, so she became a teacher instead. She has her own studio now and has been a dance instructor ever since." Puck said, shrugging his shoulders as if it was all common knowledge.
A dance instructor, she couldn't remember Brittany ever saying she wanted to be a dance instructor. She had mentioned that she wouldn't mind teaching children if she had to as she loved kids but nothing about that being her one job for life. Santana didn't know whether to be disappointed or happy that Brittany didn't pursue fame as she of all people knew how that life could be. She could imagine Brittany to be a good teacher, though. The best teacher.
"It's almost like she's never left because she's been waiting." Puck told her, his eyebrow lifting as he looked at her, like he was trying to tell her something but she didn't know what. "Waiting for someone to come back and find her. In the one place that she knows they would always be able to find her, if she stayed there" he finished giving her that look at the same time. Nodding his head slowly as he waited for her to realise.
"What d'you mean-Oh" and Santana started to nod back when she finally took the hint.
Some people don't take a hint until you give it to them. Puck clapped his hands shouting 'Finally' when she did so.
"But how the hell am I supposed to 'find her' she could be anywhere in Lima. Yeah it's a small town but still, and I don't know when would be the right time to go anyway, maybe I'll be too late" she said, trying her best to find excuses. Puck knew this too. She could tell when she noticed his smile fading and he began to give her the 'really?' look.
"You just said it, Lima's a small town. We all know that place like the back of our hands. If I haven't forgotten the place I'm sure you haven't either. You'll be able to find her Santana. Of course you will.
"And don't worry about the 'if your going to be too late,' you still have two months remember, maybe longer, Brittany isn't even sure just yet anyway. And besides I know the perfect time for you to make an appearance." Puck told her, his face changing to that cocky-pout of his.
"When would be the best time?" she asked him, when he didn't tell her straight away.
"Next week. Saturday. Two words, engagement – party" Puck said to her, slowly and surely to make sure she really got the words in her head.
Santana gave a slow nod in understanding, her hand rising to her chin as she started to think it over.
Could she really go and see Brittany again. After all these years. Unannounced. Maybe she should at least tell her that she's coming. But then again the idea of surprising her and just showing up was quite tempting in her head. No doubt the girl would be surprised, maybe even mad. Hell she could be furious for all Santana cared, because at least she would be able to see her. And talk to her, and touch her. Maybe not in the ways that they used to, obviously. But even if she just got a slight hug, even if it was uncomfortable that would be enough for her. Really that's all she would have to do.
She just wanted to see her again and see how she was. It could be just like old friends catching up, nothing wrong with that.
Who said that it had to be weird?
Friends could talk. Even if she and Brittany were never 'just friends,' who ever said that they couldn't be now?
It's been seven years; she needs to see her best friend again. She'd give anything too. Even if it meant enduring watching her be all smiley and happy in another persons arms with another persons ring on her left hand finger.
She would just see her again, have a little chat, maybe a hug 'Hello' and a hug 'Goodbye' as she would leave knowing that Brittany would be perfectly happy and fine without her. She would leave and never come back. That would be that. It really wouldn't be that hard to do. So yes, she would do it.
Santana was going to see her again. After seven whole years. They were finally going to reunite, and Santana was actually starting to look forward to it.
A/N: One of the longest chapters I've written yet, 14 pages, i mean i dont mean to brag but come on i think anyone who writes that much deserves some kind of appluase... No, oh, ok then, *goes to a corner to hide* sorry didnt mean to upset you all that much last chapter hehe :)
Anyways, getting off topic, thanks for reviews and favs and alerts, all means a lot to me, and thank you to those who have taken an interest into my songwriting challenge, and to that one guest who has practically given me their song, thank you for that it will defo come in useful in later chapters, and b.t.w yes its definitely good enough, i love it :D
Thank you for reading, tell me what you think of this chapter and I'll try to update just as fast. Until next time - Y.A.M.L