MAGNETIC ATTRACTION
Part Forty
** Authors Note: Mature themes of sexual acts ahead. Read at your own risk (or delight? perversion? ;) ) **
It was three am when Remy LeBeau was awoken by the sound of his iPhone vibrating against the pine table next to the bed. The screen was lit up, and the thing was sliding slightly against the wood, even though the ring was on silent.
Remy rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up a little as he stared at the thing. Who would be trying to call him at this ungodly hour? He reached over and examined the unknown number. He didn't recognise it.
Probably someone tracked me down by now, always someone lookin' for the things I can do with my powers or my thievin' skills, he thought as he put the phone down, deciding to ignore it. The phone stopped ringing after a moment and he sighed in relief. Maybe just a wrong number, he told himself as he lay his head back down and closed his eyes again.
It was a few moments later that the blasted thing began to ring again, making a loud buzzing against the wood, begging to be addressed. He grabbed it hastily, swept his finger across the screen, and held it to his ear, sighing, "'Yeah?"
"Remy?"
Remy sat up slowly, blinking. He reached for the lamp on the bedside cabinet and rubbed his eyes when the light came up too bright. "Rogue?" he asked at the sound of her voice, quite perplexed. "What is it...is...is somethin' wrong?" he yawned.
"No...well...yes..." she sighed, "Ah can't sleep...it's drivin' me crazy."
"Ain't much I can do about that, chere," he yawned again and he lay back against the pillows, rubbing his face tiredly.
"Ah'm...sorry...Ah thought maybe...you'd be up...since you...hardly sleep."
"I've...been sleeping a little better," he confessed. He glanced around the room, he neglected to mention it was only since he'd come to a slightly more comfortable place to stay.
"That's good...you've...been so tired lately," she responded.
"Yeah," he agreed. So we're just going to sit and make small talk then? He wondered, feeling quite exhausted. As much as he loved that she felt the need to call him, he was quite tired and finding it hard to stay awake.
"Is...is it true you're at the institute?"
Remy sighed, he supposed he should have expected someone would have told Rogue he was there. So this was her reason for calling, and not just the general how are you that he'd almost imagined it to be. "Who told you?"
"Tabitha. She said she saw you."
"Oh."
"So...you're...there? Like...right now?"
"Yeah...in some attic room..." he stared up at the pale ceiling, spotting a tiny spider crawling near the overhead light fitting.
"Are you gonna stay?"
"No. Why would I stay here? X-Men ain't my style."
"Oh."
Remy glanced at the time on the little alarm clock by the bed. Three am. Jesus. I just barely fell asleep an hour ago.
"Remy?" she asked, almost as if she thought he might have hung up or fallen asleep.
"Yeah?" he asked tiredly.
"Can...Ah see you?"
"Right now?" he sat up again and rolled his neck.
"If you're too tired..." she began, sounding almost quite guilty about it.
Don't deny her this, it might be the difference between talking her out of doing this and her just goin' ahead. Maybe she has doubts. Maybe she wants to talk about it, he decided. "No...I'm not, I'm awake," he lied. "So...you want me to come get you or..."
"Ah'll come...Lance fixed the car...cost me most of what Ah had, but he fixed it. Besides, it's snowin' out, ain't a good time to be ridin' a motorcycle."
"I guess not..." he pushed himself out of bed and went to look for some clean clothes. Someone had raked through his belongings when he'd been out visiting Rogue at the college, and had cleaned most of his clothes and even pressed them and folded them. He felt only slightly violated by that, but it was overwhelmed by the sense of gratefulness that he had clean clothes to wear for the moment being.
"Ah'll be there in about twenty minutes..." Rogue stated, and with that, she had hung up.
Remy dressed as quickly as he could and washed his face, combed his hair as best he was able to (some of it was still sticking up a little due to the angle he'd slept at) and he headed downstairs. He stopped at the door, realising the alarm was still active. How was he supposed to get by? He didn't have the necessary tools on hand to bypass it, and even if he could get past the front door alarm, how was he to get past the motion sensors outside, and the alarm at the gate?
Just as he was considering calling Rogue to ask what he should do, a voice startled him.
"Going somewhere?"
Remy spun around, a little unsettled having not heard anyone approach. Kitty Pryde was standing there with a glass of milk in her hand, her hair hanging down over her shoulders making her seem even younger than when she had it up in the usual ponytail.
"Out...for breakfast," Remy threw a thumb over his shoulder towards the front door.
"We have breakfast here, too, you know," she gestured to the kitchen.
"Yeah, but...I hate to cook at this time of the morning...and...I'm a guest so...wouldn't be right of me to go rifling through your cupboards at this hour..." he stated.
"Sounds like an excuse to me," said Kitty curtly.
"I just need out."
"Oh," said Kitty. "Are you like...running off? 'Cause...I've heard you're kind of a flight risk."
"No...I'm not," he stated coolly, being honest, "just need to get out for a bit. Need some air, and all that, you know how it is. This place...ain't really my scene. Besides, I'm out of cigarettes," he added, reminding himself of the fact.
"It'd be a good time to quit," Kitty noted.
"I'll keep it in mind," he moved over to the door, "you know how to disarm this?" he gestured to the alarm.
Kitty moved over to the door, her oversized tiger feet slippers dragged on the floor as she walked, she yawned as she quickly tapped in the code for the alarm. "I'll watch from here as you head down to the gate," she opened the front door for him, "I'll disarm it when you get there. After you're out there, you're gonna have to use the communication box to get back in..." she explained, "which...given this time of night...or...morning rather...you probably won't get in anytime soon."
"I'll probably be gone a few hours, no sweat, don't worry. If I can't get in, I can't get in," he shrugged.
"You gonna be warm enough?" Kitty raised an eyebrow at his thin long sleeved t-shirt as he went about pulling on his leather coat.
"I'm from the south, I don't dress in thick sweaters and scarves," he rolled his eyes at her, he gave her a vague wave as he headed down the drive.
It was colder than he'd expected; his boots crunched loudly in the snow as he made his way down the drive. Just as he approached the gates, they opened as if by magic for him, and as he moved through them, they began to close again, and he heard the buzzing of the electric locking mechanism, he noted the security camera above.
If I had the right tools, none of this would have stopped me from getting in or out, he told himself as he folded his arms over himself, shivering in the cold. It was another ten minutes before Rogue arrived, the car pulling up slowly.
He opened the door and climbed in; the car wasn't much warmer inside, but then the heating probably still needed work. He stared across at Rogue as she pulled the car away from the side of the road. Other than her looking a little dark under the eyes, she seemed as he'd left her the previous afternoon. Were those the same clothes she'd been wearing when he'd seen her at college?
"You...ain't even been to bed," he said knowingly.
Rogue rolled her eyes at him, "course Ah have..."
"That's the same pair of pants..." he looked down at her lap, "same shirt..." he noted, seeing the bottom hem poking out beneath her zipped up hooded sweatshirt.
"Whatever," she mumbled.
"So...where you wanna go?" he asked, he leaned back in his seat, he reached for the seatbelt but remembered the one on this side didn't work. Another thing he'd promised to fix and never had. Too many promises made and not enough of them ever kept, he realised.
"Ah dunno...breakfast Ah guess...at the diner," she shrugged.
"You look...a little upset."
"It was a rough day is all," Rogue responded.
"That why you call me? 'Cause you had a rough day? Need to talk 'bout it?"
"No..." Rogue turned to glance at him quickly as she drove the car down towards the long stretch of road the diner was located. "Ah called because Ah wanted to hear your voice...Ah wanted to see you..."
"You could have spent time with me when I come to see you at your college but...you turned me away," he reminded.
"Ah use Lunch time to catch up on the studyin' Ah never have time to do elsewhere...Ah need that time," Rogue explained, sounding truthful.
Remy studied her profile, "all caught up now?"
"No. And feelin' like Ah never will be," she admitted, sounding quite stressed regarding this. "Everythin' is pilin' up. And these rehearsals get so exhaustin'...Ah wish Ah could just quit, but...the Professor is payin' for this for me...Ah can't be ungrateful and walk out and let him waste all that tuition..." she sighed.
Feeling sympathetic to her plight, Remy put his hand upon hers as it settled upon the stick, she turned and glanced at him momentarily before turning her attention back to the road. "Everythin' that's goin' on outside of school is what's keepin' you from concentratin'," Remy spoke up, "once things get back to normal...you'll find it easier to focus on the stuff you have to do at college."
"Ah hope so," Rogue sighed, she turned the car, her eyes blinking tiredly.
Remy removed his hand from hers, "whoah, you took the wrong turn."
"No Ah didn't..." she frowned.
"Yes you did," Remy glanced over the back of his seat, to see if there was a sign to prove him right. "It's always been straight ahead...there's no shortcuts..."
Rogue pulled the car to the side of the road, and eased on the brakes, slowing it to a gentle stop.
"Chere?" he asked quietly, he listened to the sound of the windscreen wipers shifting roughly across the glass, wiping the new falling snow away. Rogue turned the engine off and she sat staring forward into space for a moment.
Remy let his elbow rest upon the door at his side, and placed his cheek upon his hand, waiting for a moment, wondering if she'd be the first to speak. Something had to be said, clearly. She'd taken this path and parked here deliberately, he realised this. This was her attempt at getting him alone without distraction. But whatever it was she wanted to say...she wasn't saying it.
"Is this where you tell me again how wrong I am about what you gotta do...?" he asked, feeling somewhat too tired to listen. He was mentally and physically exhausted, and his wrist was hurting hellishly.
Rogue was silent for a few moments, "How far do you see this goin', Remy?" she asked finally. Her voice thick with exhaustion, tinged with emotion.
"Hmm?" he shifted his eyes to her.
"How far do you see us goin'?"
He wasn't sure how to answer. He hadn't thought far into the future of things. It had seemed far too early to think of these things, especially when falling for the girl had come as a surprise to him. "I don't know..." he shrugged, "isn't it...too early to think about that?"
Rogue gave a deep and frustrated sigh, she frowned at the steering wheel. It didn't seem to be the answer she was looking for.
"Come on, Rogue. You know this is new for me too. I haven't had time to think about how far I think this is gonna go. I've barely had time to figure out how I feel about you..."
"How do you feel?" she asked, turning to him, searching his eyes.
Remy chewed his lip momentarily, "you know how I feel about you. I've told you straight up. It were like...sixteen hours ago I told you...you don't need remindin'."
"Say it..." she commanded, almost desperately.
"I love you," he responded firmly, "I'm in love with you."
Rogue stared back to the steering wheel again, looking quite unhappy.
"I don't know what the future holds for us...I've never...felt these things...I've never wanted a relationship..." he reminded. "I know I want it...I know I want things with you that I never wanted with any other girl...things that I never thought I'd want..." he admitted. "But if you're askin' what you think I see for us...I don't know...I don't know if it's gonna be marriage...or kids...or ownin' a house and a dog and a cat and a joint bank account..."
Her voice was slight, "is that because...those are things we couldn't have?"
Remy spoke up, "no...it's because this is new...and we're young. Jesus, Rogue, you're eighteen, I'm twenty-one...we ain't thirty-somethings, we don't need to have it all figured out right now..."
"So..." Rogue licked her lips, "what happens when...we have some random ten years of bein' this limited version of boyfriend and girlfriend...and then we figure out we want more...?"
Remy looked at her, he wasn't sure he had an answer. He hadn't thought of one year in the future let alone ten.
"You can't marry a girl you can't touch...can't be with...what if you decided you wanted kids?"
Snorting, Remy looked away from her frowning, "so I can be as big a disappointment to them as Jean-Luc was to me? No thanks."
"You might."
"Doubtful."
"Remy, you didn't even want a relationship last month. Don't you get it?"
"Get what?" he asked frustratedly.
"You don't know what you're going to want in the future. It's all well and good you're sayin' that you're gonna be happy with bein' limited to this...and over the clothes crap..." she explained, her voice so incredibly tiny, "but...eventually...you might get bored. You could just take off...you might find some other girl you realise is better than me..."
"No one is better than you," he retorted.
"You sound like an immature child," she uttered.
"So do you," Remy turned to look at her, "you're tryin' to justify what you're doin' by makin' out it's about me..." he squinted, "but it's all about you. You ain't considerin' my feelin's. It's yours you're thinkin' about."
"Is it so bad that Ah don't want to lose you?" Rogue demanded. "Does it make me selfish that Ah don't want to have you go?!"
"That's the risk you fuckin' take when you fall in love, goddamn it!" Remy hissed at her, regretting sounding so angry. Somehow, he couldn't hold back from snapping. He supposed the stress had gotten to him more than he'd realised.
Rogue gaped at him, speechless.
Remy couldn't bite his tongue, and spilled forth a rant that he hadn't even expected. "What's the fuckin' point of it otherwise?! Where's the excitement, where's the thrill?! You don't pick a person based on how safe and reliable and predictable they are, or that they're the safe option! You pick them because you feel for them, because every stolen moment means somethin'! Because everythin' in this goddamn stupid life is so fuckin' temporary!" he slammed his hand against the dash, immediately regretting so as it was the hand in the cast. The pain jolted up his wrist and he felt his eyes sting with tears of pain.
She said nothing, she just sat there, looking at him with glassy eyes.
"Or am I your safe option, chere?" he demanded, cradling his injured wrist. "Am I the default because I'm the only one that showed interest in you? If I'd never opened up to you that night in the motel, would you have even given me a second look?" he dared to ask. "Was I the safe option because I was simply there?"
"You know you aren't..." she finally managed, her voice trembling.
He attempted to breathe out his pain, and after a moment, he spoke, "I've told you how I feel, Rogue. But you've been...vague...at best. You tell me you don't wanna lose me but...you never put it into words properly...never said it right..." he stared at her. "You know how long I've been waitin' to hear at least one person in this whole world tell me that they love me?" he asked.
She said nothing. He expected an argument, for her to claim she had said it. Had she? Had she said it simply and truthfully in the way he had? Or had she been waffling around the subject up until now?
He felt his eyes tearing up and he wasn't sure if it was the agony in his broken wrist or if it was the emotional pain from having to endure the entire conversation. Angry with himself, and feeling quite bruised physically and emotionally, he opened the car door and got out, stepping away into the woodland area at the side of the road, listening to the previously pristine snow crunch beneath his boots. He inhaled deeply, feeling the cold drive deep inside of his lungs and tighten them. His eyes stung with the threat of tears he didn't want to spill, and his cheeks burned with the icy wind.
He shuddered, hugging himself in his leather coat, trying to pull himself together.
You're tired, you're stressed, that's all. You are not about to start crying now. You're a grown man for fucks sake, don't you dare start breaking down now.
It took a moment for Rogue to follow him. He hadn't heard the car door open, but he heard her heavy boots crunching on the snow at his back. He kept his back turned, staring into the depth of the woods, noting a few rabbit tracks. He felt her hand upon his back and he shifted away, he sniffed, trying to blink back the threat of his tears, "don't," he warned, "just don't."
"Remy," she sighed.
She still ain't said it so...clearly, what I said...that wasn't too far off the truth, he thought miserably. All this heart ache, all this misery...all these sacrifices I made to try and keep Wanda from hurtin' her...to gettin' kicked out of the Acolytes...and she can't even tell me how she really feels.
She moved to try and get in front of him, but he turned away for her, he didn't want her to see the upset in his face. He didn't want her to see how genuinely hurt he was right now.
"Remy," she tried again.
He took off walking into the woods, he heard her hastily follow.
"You're just gonna walk away?" she called to him.
He didn't speak, he couldn't. He was sure his voice might crack if he tried to. He cradled his throbbing arm and kept walking.
"Remy!" she caught his elbow and hauled hard to stop him.
Remy stopped abruptly, he bit his lip and stared down at the snow. Rogue held onto his arms and turned him with difficulty; he permitted it, but wouldn't raise his eyes to hers. He couldn't yet, he was far too fragile at this moment. He'd never felt quite so close to breaking.
Everythin' that's gone wrong in this past month, maybe even before that, it now just all built up and this is it, I'm gonna crack.
Rogue's hands took his cheeks, her leather gloves were somehow warm upon his face despite the cold around them. He kept is eyes glued to the snow between their feet, trying to admire how it almost glittered like tiny diamonds. Her thumbs brushed away a snowflake that landed upon his cheek, it left a wet mark beneath his eye that he hoped would hide any tears should they escape. He had to wonder why it was all right with him that he should let her cry in front of him but not be brave enough to do the same?
Her right thumb traced his slightly dry lips, her left gently brushed against the sensitive scabs of the burns on his ear but the touch was so tentative he barely felt it. He closed his eyes and breathed out slowly, trying to calm himself, trying to pull himself together.
If your eyes are closed, you can't cry, if your eyes are closed, you can't see her avoid answerin' what was asked of her. If your eyes are closed you can't see that she don't love you the way you want her to.
He shifted back a little, finding the nearby tree to lean back against and rest himself there, feeling weak and exhausted and so emotionally drained as her fingers traced his jaw. Her touch calmed him in ways he wouldn't have imagined anyone's touch could. He was mad at her, beyond mad and disappointed, but he couldn't make her stop this because if he tried he was afraid he'd cave in and fall to his knees. He was too afraid to break down. Men didn't break down, they were strong, they were reliable, they didn't cry. Jean-Luc had always taught him that.
Her hands moved down his throat, his chest, his stomach, and landed upon the belt of his jeans. He heard the clinking of the buckle before he felt the tug of it being pulled loose, and each button on his jeans was popped, the fabric making a dull quiet thud. Her fingers slipped within the waistband of his underwear, and the warm leather of her gloves touched him intimately beneath the fabric, causing him to softly sigh. He wanted to resist it, wanted to tell her that her attempt to manipulate him wasn't going to make him forget how she'd hurt his feelings by not bothering to reciprocate the words he wanted to hear.
Except resisting right now wasn't in him. He didn't want to speak because he was sure he'd break down or yell, and he didn't want to push her away because he was afraid it would push her closer to evolution.
I got nothin' left in me to fight with right now, he thought unhappily, her touch was so light and tentative on him, she was still so unsure.
Just give her what she wants, she's going to leave you, she's going to do what she wants regardless of your feelings. Give her one last fling and take off. Don't even bother to go get your shit from the institute. Just fucking go already, he told himself desperately.
"Remy?" she asked softly, "are you okay?"
I don't want this right now. Not this, not right here. It's too cold, I'm too tired, nothin' is right.
She tugged him free of the confines of his pants. She paused, momentarily, and he could tell she was examining him in the flaccid state. If he hadn't been so upset he might have taken the time to look at her reaction, see if it was what she had expected. Adequately endowed while in a state of arousal was one thing, but before hand wasn't quite as impressive.
After a moment, she began to stroke, her breath seemed hot against his chin as she stood close to him. It took several minutes but despite his mental resistance, eventually his hardening was inevitable. He couldn't force himself to not harden at her touch, despite the cold, despite the mood being wrong. Her persistence was stronger than his will. He sighed and tipped his head back, aware of how his breath steamed into the air even though he couldn't see it with his eyes closed. Her stroke was so delicate, and she'd taken the direction from that first time well enough to know the basics of what to do.
A hand job doesn't make it all better though, he thought unhappily. A hand job isn't going to make me feel like she loves me. Doesn't matter how good it feels...doesn't matter how much my body thinks I want it.
Suddenly, mid-stroke, she stopped. He took a deep breath, tried to brace himself, forced back the rejection he felt and he finally opened his eyes to look down at what she was doing, as he'd heard a soft tearing sound. His eyes dropped further to see her rolling a condom onto him, and he blinked.
Where the hell she get that? He wondered, feeling that Rogue wasn't the type of girl confident enough to go to a store and buy them. He was curious to what the point of this really was, until she dropped down to her knees.
Seriously...she's not going to...oh fuck...
He tipped his head back and moaned at her gesture, through the thin sheath he could feel the heat of her mouth in comparison to the cold wintery air and it almost drove him over the edge. He pushed one hand against her shoulder, his injured arm dangling by his side, he was no longer as aware of the throbbing of it, as he throbbed harder elsewhere.
Is that mint I smell? He thought, breathing in through his nose and detecting a hint of some scent in the air. Jesus, she's planned this...she came prepared...knew exactly what she was gonna do...
He dropped his eyes again to watch her, there was a lot of hesitation, confusion. She had the basic idea, but seemed to be struggling with the concept.
It was a surreal moment, watching himself enter her mouth, the realisation it was too soon for things to be going this far, but that at least she'd made the effort to experiment without the control of her powers. It was something...it was promising.
He held himself in check from instinctively bucking against her, something he'd been used to doing the past month with Wanda who was far more practised with this act and definitely more skilled at relaxing her throat. Every now and then, Rogue would try to test her limitations, gagging each time and pulling back, looking slightly alarmed and sick.
Why the hell does she always have to attempt to push things further than they need to be? Should I be instructin' her? Like I did the first time? Does she want that? Damn, all I want is her to say she loves me and she had to go give me a fucking blow job like it's the answer to what I want...
After the fifth time of trying to take his length further, she choked and pulled back, she turned and was nearly sick. Her distress was evident, this wasn't working out how she thought it was going to. So much for planning.
He breathed, "you don't gotta take the whole thing in..." he tried to explain, feeling pained by this. He wasn't in the mood to be instructing the girl, all he was in the mood for was sleep. Or for her to tell him she loved him. It seemed the first was the most plausible.
"Ah'm sorry," she seemed close to crying. Perhaps it was just the choking, or was it just the humiliation that she was doing a poor job? He wasn't sure. Perhaps both. Something was making her eyes water.
"You don't gotta do this, you know..." he tried.
"Ah want to..." she moved to begin again. Before she could move further down, he put his hand on himself to block her halfway and she looked at this worriedly. As she pulled back, he stroked, and he saw the look of realisation. Her hand replaced his and he put his hand gently upon her head as she began to work again, rhythm clumsy, technique sloppy, but the act enough to build the excitement.
"That's it," he breathed faster, he gripped her shoulder, she was learning fast. "God...yeah...that's...Oh god..." he sucked in his breath and tried to refrain from moaning too loud, he was aware of how loudly that would echo in the woods and he hoped no one was out walking their dog at this ungodly hour.
She removed her mouth from him, stroking faster, glancing up at him, "are you close?"
He gave a firm nod, biting into his lip hard, hips thrusting a little against her hand. Watching her down there, so close to the organ, hot mouth so close to it again.
"Tell me when," she said uncertainly before putting her mouth back upon him, the rhythm picking up a little.
He began moaning, and he couldn't stop from doing so, and although he hadn't said it, she seemed to understand that this was it. He was quite taken aback when she snapped the condom off and began stroking heavily. The pulses began and the moment became more surreal as he watched her wait with open mouth. He hadn't expected that.
The first shot hit her cheek, the second landed upon her tongue, the rest spilled weakly, landing upon the mess of snow between Rogue's knees.
Breathing hard, he gaped down at her as she closed her mouth, he could tell from the expression upon her face that she wasn't exactly enjoying the taste and was holding it in her mouth, seeming to be not sure what to do with it.
He waited to see what she was going to do, was she going to be bold like Wanda and swallow it regardless? Or was she going to spit it out and voice her dislike for it?
"You don't gotta swallow it," he admitted openly, waiting for the reaction still.
She quickly pulled herself up ducked behind a cluster of trees and he heard her spitting and gagging at first, vomiting a little after. It wasn't the most romantic thing to have happened to him in his life, but it certainly wasn't the first time he'd had a girl react this way either. He supposed the act wasn't for everyone. He put himself away as he tried to block out the sounds of her disgust and he waited for her to be done.
Rogue returned a moment later, her expression slightly sick. She still had his seed upon her cheek and he gestured to it discretely. Embarrassedly, she wiped her face, her cheeks turning slightly pink.
"You didn't have to do that, you know..."
"Ah had to know," she made a face.
To compete with Wanda, I'm sure, he thought, remembering of her freak out about things Wanda had done with him that she'd thought she'd never be able to do.
"And now you do," he sighed.
"Was it...Ah mean...it was okay, wasn't it?"
"It was good," he nodded.
"Just good?"
"It was fine," he responded. He bent down to clean any of his seed off his leather gloves with the fresh snow.
"But?"
"But it wasn't what I wanted..."
"Oh..." she stood, looking somewhat hurt. He could see the thoughts crossing her mind, as she tried to figure out what that was.
"All I wanted was words, chere. Not actions. If you'd just spat out a mouthful of them, you'd have saved yourself spittin' out a mouthful of somethin' else."
Rogue winced, looking thoroughly embarrassed now.
"It...doesn't make anythin' better, you know," he sighed, staring down at their mixed foot prints and the delves her knees had left in the snow. "It's not a distraction...it's not gonna make me feel better..."
"It wasn't..." Rogue began looking frustrated, "it wasn't supposed to be a distraction...it was...it was supposed to be a...gesture..." she raised her hands helplessly, "Ah wanted to do somethin' nice for you."
"It...was nice but..." Remy began walking back towards the car. "You know what I want," he responded. He heard her hesitantly follow.
"Ah'm not ready, yet."
He stopped at the passengers side and stood there for a moment, he turned to look at her seriously, and let his injured arm rest upon the top of the car.
"Ah...can't just yet..." she tried to explain, looking helpless, "Ah've...Ah've never had to..."
"Are you afraid I ain't gonna say it back? 'Cause I already said it and...it's pretty much a given that I'm gonna again," he sighed, staring down at the snow.
"Ah know you will..." she moved over slowly, "it's just...hard...to say...right now..." she sighed unhappily.
"Why?" he asked as he watched her adjust the lapels on his leather coat.
"Because..." she began, looking quite hurt.
"Because?"
"Because when Ah say it...and really mean it...Ah wanna be able to kiss you..." she looked up at him with sad eyes.
Remy sighed deeply and stared down to his feet, this hadn't occurred to him, and as much as he hated the thought that this might mean he'd never hear her say it, he understood her reasoning to it.
"If..." Rogue began "If Ah didn't feel it...what happened just now...Ah'd have never gone that far..." she made a face. "Not with any other guy..."
"Not even Summers?"
"Not even him."
"If you say so."
"The thought makes me queasy..." she grimaced.
"Then why the hell try?" he demanded suddenly, "if the thought of doin' it makes you sick why the hell would you?"
"Because Ah thought you would know how Ah felt that way about it..." she chewed her lip.
"If you can't say what you feel yet, then...fine, I guess for now I can live with that," he finally decided, "but I don't need you to blow me as a substitute for I love you."
Rogue raised her eyes, "that wasn't...what disgusted me."
He realised suddenly what she meant, "oh."
"It was that Ah...tried to swallow it..." she turned her face away and wretched a little again. Even Remy's stomach felt a little sickened suddenly. "Ah just couldn't...Ah'm sorry."
He hadn't ever felt that way before with other girls, but then he supposed, when they meant nothing to him, the act didn't affect him. Rogue was different. He'd never really thought of asking her of the same things he'd have expected of girls like Wanda or the cheap dates he'd picked up in bars. He respected her far more than the others, he didn't want her in quite the same dirty almost depraved ways.
"You never have to do that again," he said coolly as he opened the car door and climbed in, feeling horribly guilty for having watched and somehow grudgingly enjoyed the act now that he knew how badly she felt about it. He stared out of the window, watching her move to the side of the road to grab a handful of fresh snow and put it in her mouth, she was trying to wash the taste away.
Awkward sexual encounter number two over and done. First time she gets a handful, second she gets a mouthful. Still ain't been anythin' in it for her. She's gotta be gettin' frustrated...she's just gotta be.
At least he hoped she was. Or all of this was more sacrifice than he really wanted to believe.
Rogue waited a moment before getting into the car, she had to wait out a little feeling of queasiness to pass. The almost metallic and oddly salty taste of Remy LeBeau was still strong in her mouth and she wanted rid of it. Why Wanda would have thought the act highly erotic, Rogue couldn't understand. The stuff hadn't tasted how she'd thought. Somehow, Rogue had expected something entirely different, she wasn't sure what, but metallic and bitter hadn't been it.
After spending a little more time outside the car spitting out the taste (she even used a handful of clean snow to wash her mouth out) she finally got back into the car, trying to act normal despite she was sure Remy had been watching her from the passengers seat as she attempted to rid herself of his taste.
It can't have been very erotic for him to have me gagging and spewin' up behind a tree, Rogue thought dully. If Ah'd just told him Ah loved him, Ah'd have probably saved us both a lot of embarrassment. She was about to turn the ignition and ask Remy where he wanted to go for breakfast, when she realised he wasn't sitting in the passengers seat. He'd moved into the back seat; she could see his silhouette there in the rear view mirror.
"What you doin' back there?" she asked, staring at his reflection.
"Waitin' for you."
"Huh?"
"It's a little cold, thought we could sit together for a while...get warm."
"Oh."
"Unless you got somewhere you need to be," Remy said coolly.
"No..." she shrugged, and she awkwardly shifted and stepped through the seats to climb into the back into empty seat beside him. He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her and rubbing her back tenderly.
"I'm sorry about the taste," he sighed to her.
"It's...fine...it's just...not what Ah thought it would be."
"How you think it was gonna be?"
"Ah don't know, just...not that," she responded, "condom tasted like shit too."
"Where'd you get it?"
"Ah stole it from Wanda's dresser."
"Should have guessed," Remy reasoned. "You saw the other stuff in there?"
"Ah wish Ah hadn't," she replied, "some of that stuff looked questionable at best. Ah saw somethin' with straps on it, it didn't look like it was for her."
"Yeah, she's...adventurous."
"Please tell me she never used that on you."
"You think I was gonna let her go there? No thanks. I'm savin' my anal virginity for when I eventually end up in prison," he teased.
"Ah'm sure you'll make some guy very happy," Rogue mused, laughing softly. The tension between them seemed to be slowly melting like the ice on the windshield.
That was until Remy decided to take it a step too far. He gave a soft sigh, then asked, "so...when you gon' let me get you off?"
She leaned up and turned to look at him warningly.
"'Cause...now that's twice you've got to do what you wanted to me..." he explained, "but...I ain't been able to do much for you."
"Remy, it ain't the time," she sighed, and turned back to look out of the window, laying her back against his chest.
"When will be?"
"You know what, when Ah have control of my powers...maybe end of this week, then you can do whatever you want," she responded softly.
"But I want to do it now," he breathed near her ear, "get you all hot and bothered..." he hugged her closer to him.
"Ah'm not in the mood," she sighed, "but this...just lying here like this, this is fine..." she admitted, enjoying the closeness.
"Is it cause of the bleedin'?" he asked softly.
Rogue hated that he felt the need to bring up her period again, she rolled her eyes, "No."
"'Cause...it wouldn't bother me...I promise...I wouldn't mind."
"It's not 'cause of that...besides, it's done anyway."
Remy straightened a little, "really?"
"Yeah," she answered with a sigh, feeling this subject tedious and unnecessary.
"So can I put my hand down your pants, then?"
"No," she smacked his arm roughly, she didn't mean to hit the injured arm, and he yelped in pain. "Sorry."
"That was mean," he winced. "Just for that, I'm gonna do it anyway."
"No you're no-oh!" Rogue wasn't sure when exactly he'd snaked his hand under the waistband of her leggings, but when the icy cold leather of his glove slid down quickly, she felt the entire swift movement his middle finger met with her.
Oh my god, how the hell did he do that so fast?! It occurred to her that he could have gotten hurt, that his wrist might have met with her stomach, that he could have been absorbed. "Are..." she sucked in a breath, "are you tryin'...to get yourself...hurt?"
"Nuh uh," he singsonged near her ear, and let the tip of his finger travel.
Instinctively, she pushed her legs together and gasped. His touch, even gentle, was so unfamiliar and delicate that it was almost like a tickle that left her tingling and aching so unexpectedly.
Not taking the reluctance for an answer, Remy pushed his hand as deeply as her pressed thighs would allow, and she felt the finger at her entrance.
"C'mon now," he murmured, "gimme a little room to move..."
"No..." she trembled.
"What you scared of?"
What am Ah scared of? She asked herself. "That you're gonna get absorbed..." she breathed sharply.
"It's okay...my sleeve is tucked right into the glove, I won't be absorbed."
"Oh..." she stated, unsure how to respond now. She wasn't sure she wanted this, not right now at least. But her body...the tingling, the aching, that said something different entirely. She'd been aware of it since she'd begun pleasuring him outside, but she'd been ignoring it. Now, however, it seemed to be screaming to be addressed much more urgently. Her whole body seemed to be on the verge of twitching, she was on edge with it. She hadn't realised how much until he'd decided to go ahead and defy her request.
"You know..." he breathed, "I can tell just by how tense you've gone...that you want this."
"Ah...don't..." she lied. It was much easier to lie than to admit it. Body screaming yes, mind screaming that she wasn't quite ready. Perhaps it wasn't that it was too soon, it was more like that it was too embarrassing.
"The way my finger got a little in there so damn easy tells me otherwise," he awkwardly pushed his hand further, finger sliding a little further, "see? Things goin' real slick down there...you're real wet."
"Remy...shut up..." she pleaded.
"You don' like me talkin' bout it?" he teased.
"Please..." she asked again. Each time he spoke of it brought waves of further embarrassment, made her feel hotter, more awkward, more uncomfortable. It also seemed to make the aching between her legs far more intense.
Despite the pain he was obviously in, he used his injured arm to pry her thighs apart and he moved his hand, she felt his index finger tickle gently against her and she let out a squeal, that was a sensation she hadn't expected.
"Just relax, chere...it's gonna feel real good soon..."
"Shut up!" she gasped. She couldn't bring herself to ask him to stop. Not yet, somehow, she was curious now.
He continued that tickling motion, in between pressing the finger half in and out in a slow, careful rhythm. Rogue squirmed, gasping with each breath. There was a strange pressure he kept hitting, a dull pain each time until he withdrew.
"How's it feel?" he breathed into her ear hotly.
"Shut up!"
"You like it?"
"Shut the fuck up..." she begged of him.
He pushed a little deeper, it was almost painful, but tolerable, she couldn't exactly fathom the pleasure in that. "How's that?" he asked softly, "is it too much?"
"Stop talkin'..." she begged of him, she shut her eyes tightly and tried to be still but her reflex was to squirm and shake.
At first, it was almost fine, she could almost even understand the enjoyment not so much in the penetration part, but of the way he'd brush his thumb against her almost teasingly. Just as she was almost beginning to feel vaguely accepting of it, he dared to go in with a second finger and she gasped. It was even more uncomfortable, nowhere near what she'd expected of it. This was painful. She couldn't bring herself to say it. Something felt horribly wrong with it, he hadn't been pushing too far in up until then, but when he pushed too deeply as far as he seemed to be able to, then a horrible sharp pain followed. She cried out and held onto his arm, trembling with it. "Remy! Stop! Stop!"
"Chere?" he asked softly.
"Somethin's wrong..." she gasped, tears of pain slipping down her face. The pain was excruciating,
"It's okay, chere, it's okay..." he whispered.
"No...no it's not...somethin's wrong," she sobbed. "Somethin' hurts..."
He slowly and carefully removed his hand from her, his voice becoming quite serious and loud, "is it that bad?"
"It hurts so much..." she cried.
"The first time...sometimes hurts..."
"What did you do?!" she squealed, squeezing her legs together, hot tears dripping down her face.
He took a moment, as if he were confused, then said, "What..? I didn't do anything..."
"You did," she sobbed in pain, "it hurts so bad...oh my god..." she whimpered.
"I didn't do anythin'...I just...oh..." he paused.
"What?!" she demanded of him.
"You know about the hymen thing, right?"
Rogue turned to stare at him, her eyes blurring with tears of pain.
"Maybe it got broken..." he reasoned.
"Maybe?!" she cried. Is that what this is?! Oh my god, why would anyone have sex if this is how bad it feels?!
"Jesus, stop freaking out," Remy said quietly, "Rogue...you're eighteen, you're not a kid...you must have known about it. Must have known it was there...and that it'd hurt the first time..."
"Ah didn't know it would be this bad!" she said quickly. She realised it should have occurred to her. Somehow it hadn't, although she'd spent so much of her young life assuming she never would have sex it had seemed that something like a hymen was insignificant and pointless, not worth thinking about. She'd glossed over sexual education classes much in the same way she'd glossed over her math classes...she'd completed the work, but had convinced herself that she'd never actually need to make use any of the information.
Remy sighed, "you wanna stop?"
"Yes," she whimpered, pushing her legs together tightly. Is he crazy? He would actually continue after this?!
"Fine...you wanna go home?" he asked, he ran his gloved hand through his hair awkwardly, looking quite upset and frustrated.
"Ah don't think Ah can drive yet..." she sucked in a breath.
"Okay...you want me to drive you home?"
"But..." she breathed, still trying to focus on willing the pain away, "how you gonna get home?"
"I can drive you to the warehouse then I'll walk to the institute. It ain't that huge a walk."
"Remy, that's like a forty-five minute fucking walk..." Rogue frowned. "In the snow."
"I don't care. I'd rather you get home okay..." he climbed to the front of the car and turned the ignition, the car sputtered, then came to life.
Rogue lay in the back across the back seat, pressing her arms to herself, wincing at how bad it hurt within. What was it Remy had said weeks ago? That sex was overrated? She was beginning to understand why he'd said it. So far it tasted bad, it felt bad...it made a mess. It was horrible. Sure, watching the build up on Remy's face had its appeal, but the mess, and the embarrassment, and now the pain...those weren't as thrilling.
But it's normal isn't it? This is what Ah'm goin' through evolution for. Surely it has to get better? Surely it has to start feelin' good at some point? she reasoned as she listened to Remy's frustrated sighs from the front. He was angry with himself, she could tell.
Rogue sighed too, and spoke softly, "you know...in all the movies, they make out like sex is this...wonderful magical thing that feels fantastic..." she closed her eyes painfully. "Why is it they never talk about this?"
"Because they want to sell sex, chere. They wanna create an illusion that everythin' about it is fantastic...and some of it is, but it's a messy, awkward thing that isn't always as beautiful and romantic as they pretend it is."
Rogue sat up slowly and painfully as Remy pulled the car up the drive to the warehouse and parked next to Piotr's van. He got out of the car first and helped Rogue out. She was having a hard time walking, it was excruciating.
"You be okay gettin' inside?" he asked gently.
"Yeah," she responded, as she accepted the car keys from him after he locked the vehicle.
Remy stood for a moment, staring down at her, he sighed, "are...we okay?" he asked.
"Huh?" she asked, looking up at his tired face. He looked so worn out. She wished she had it in her to invite him in, but the drama that would ensue if Magneto discovered him there wasn't worth it. Besides, she felt slightly awkward with him right now and the thought of spending extended time was almost as painful as his breaking her in.
"I mean...are we going to be okay? Or...?" he frowned, "did I fuck up royally?"
Rogue stared to the ground and gave a shrug, "we'll be fine..."
"Come here..." he opened his arms out to her.
Feeling shy, she stepped into his arms and pressed her face against his chest, his arms wrapped around her tightly and he sighed into her hair.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, "it wasn't meant to happen quite like it did...it was supposed to be special...not...horrible..."
"Ah know..." she said, muffled into his chest.
"You should go in before you catch your death out here..." he glanced up, "it's snowin' again."
"You sure you'll be fine gettin' home?"
"It's not home," Remy sighed, "don't really got a home anymore."
Rogue wished she had the strength to tell him he had one in her heart, but it would only come out sounding corny and unbelievable. "Will Ah see you...again soon?" she asked. What she wanted to ask was are you gonna be there for my evolution. She couldn't make the words pass her lips.
Remy gave the vaguest shrug as he stepped away from her, he was lost on this topic and so, he simply walked through the gates and left, disappearing down the hill, leaving nothing but a trail of footprints behind him.
End of Part Forty
Aaaaaieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, this was a hard part to write, and it was rewritten about twenty goddamn times which is why it took so long to get it up (not unlike Remy in the woods, giggity!). A shocking twist of events in the woods, but a little important to the last few parts of the story. I've finished this story and should be getting the next four parts up fairly soon. Hopefully you all enjoyed this one and that I don't get flamed too much.
Thanks to the really lengthy reviews I got from 39. Jesus, you guys are so kind and thoughtful. The fact people find my versions of the characters evocative, layered and complex is such a huge compliment to me. I try so hard to make them anything but one dimensional (even the secondary characters sometimes). I can't wait to get the next four parts up and see how you all really like the story in it's entirety. It's been a long journey and I can't to get to the destination ;)