MAGNETIC ATTRACTION

Part Forty-Three

Rogue couldn't sleep.

Try as she might, the nerves, the anxiety, the emotions, everything ran high. She would toss and turn and find it hard to relax. All she could think of was that in less than twenty-four hours, she may be cured of the curse that had prevented her from having a life for so long.

She'd tried to eat something after her discussion with Magneto, but she found it hard to chew, and only felt sick as she tried to force herself to take any further bites. She'd gone to bed on an empty stomach, queasy and anxious.

At least Ah didn't have to watch over Wanda, she thought as she went to the fire escape balcony to get a breath of air just past two am. She was quite surprised to find Piotr out there at the ridiculous hour that it was, one of his fresh canvases was becoming an eerie still life of the wintery woodlands at night, everything from the clouds to the way the snow seemed powdery on the trees was beautifully precise. The man had an eye for detail that she could only envy. He saw the tiniest things that she would have never noticed, the number of branches on the dead tree lingering on the outside of the woodlands, the craters on the moon, the way the clouds seemed to be highlighted in silver.

Rogue hugged herself against the bitter chill as she moved to stand beside him and examine the painting so far. He worked corner to corner, and half of the painting was already complete.

"Rogue," he blinked in surprise at the sound of her step, "I...did not know anyone was up."

"Sorry...am...Ah intrudin'?" she asked as she put her gloved hands upon the icy rail of the balcony.

"Not at all," Piotr said.

"You've been spendin' a lot of time out here, lately."

"There is very little else to paint in this area..." stated the Russian after a moment, "but the beauty of the snow in the woodlands is high opportunity for pretty picture."

"It really is," Rogue admitted.

"It is after two am," said Piotr, glancing at his watch, which Rogue thought to be rather old fashioned for a boy who couldn't be more than nineteen or twenty. "You cannot sleep?"

"Ah've tried, but...there's far too much on my mind," Rogue admitted quietly.

Yeah, like the fact Ah've promised Remy LeBeau my virginity even though Ah don't think Ah can even go through with it, that Ah still hurt inside from the last time he tried to get frisky and now Ah don't even think Ah ever want to have sex, she thought. She wondered how the shy boy would take it if she blurted these things out.

"Is everything all right?" asked Piotr, he dabbed at his canvas with such gentle precision.

"Just...you know...everything that's gone on the past few days, it's been so crazy in this place. My head is all over the place."

"Life here has been very...unconventional," admitted Piotr thoughtfully, "taking care of Wanda has been...time consuming. And Lance has been in foul mood since he break up with pretty X-Men girlfriend," he pointed out.

Rogue had to admit, the Russian wasn't wrong. Lance's temper had been flaring all over the place since his indiscretion with Wanda had been revealed. He'd done as Logan had commanded, he'd admitted his mistakes to Kitty and suggested they break up. Now, however, he had given up on getting his GED, was no longer studying, and had thrown his application for Bayville Community College in the trash.

He'd given up.

Rogue couldn't help but feel partly responsible, that perhaps he'd been trying to make something of himself in an attempt to please Kitty. It might have been the making of the boy.

Lets not forget, this is a boy who broke your car, stole the engine and battery, and then charged you to fix the damn thing, Rogue reminded herself. Not to mention he fucked another girl when he had Kitty believin' he cared about her and her alone.

"Ah feel bad for him almost, but..." she trailed off.

"But he sleep with Wanda when he had very nice girlfriend already. Stupid thing to do, really."

Rogue leaned forward on the railing, a deep sigh escaping her lips, "relationships are complicated, Ah guess," she admitted. She found herself wondering if perhaps her future might be the same. If she gained control of her power but couldn't physically consummate her relationship with Remy, could she be looking at a similar future herself? Would Remy LeBeau go elsewhere just as she'd always feared he may?

"There is nothing complicated about love," said Piotr, "if you love someone, you do not cheat. Simple as that."

"What if one person in the relationship has needs that aren't bein' met though. What then?" Rogue tried.

"I am unsure."

"Oh come on, Pete, you're a guy. You tellin' me if some girl was holdin' out, you wouldn't go looking elsewhere?" she asked.

Piotr frowned, "I would not."

Rogue supposed Piotr was the exception, but it seemed that he had no girlfriends to speak of so she supposed it would be hard for him to truly answer. His answer for all she knew could only be in theory.

"My...evolution...is tomorrow," Rogue admitted, not sure really how to continue the conversation and somehow needing to at least admit what was going to happen.

"Your powers will be mended?" asked Piotr curiously, he stopped painting to turn and look at her.

"Ah hope so," she hugged herself, the cold biting at her flesh even through her hooded top and pyjamas.

"I hope it will work too," said Piotr. He turned his attention back to the painting, "what will you do afterwards?"

"Ah'm...gonna go back to the X-Men. Things...you know, aren't workin' out here. The team is fallin' apart without Remy, no work is gettin' done. Lance and Pietro went back to bein' lazy...and...Ah miss my friends."

"I do not blame you," said Piotr. "I would leave too, but I need money Magneto pays to help family back home."

Rogue wished she could have suggested that he go to the X-Men, but the X-Men would be willing to pay for his services in quite the same way Magneto was. "Ah hope it works out for you here," she said softly. "Ah'm gonna go try and get some sleep. Big day tomorrow and all," she said, and with that, she went back to her room, knowing full well the sleep would never come now.

Remy LeBeau was having trouble sleeping. By four am, when he had not slept, he was outside and began shovelling snow from the driveway so that any cars would be able to get in or out if needs be. He had long since worked out how to disable the alarms in the front of the institute.

His wrist ached, and he was sure it was not helping to heal the injury, but it was something that made him feel at least useful to the place. He'd been recommended to not do the job by Professor, by Logan and by Hank McCoy, but Remy never had been the kind of guy to take advice well.

Besides, at least when the pain was bad, it became harder to concentrate on much else. So with the pain in his already injured wrist, the cut on his hand and the strain on the muscles in his shoulders, there was very little time to consider much else.

He'd spent most of the night thinking about Rogue. Her plans of sacrificing her virginity as a bargaining chip both disturbed and intrigued him. Although she'd almost offered her innocence to Magneto in a very weak and mixed up moment as far as he could tell, Remy knew she wasn't likely to give herself so freely, especially not after what had happened in the car. Something Remy was still kicking himself for.

If she's willin' to do this even if she's scared, then she does care. There's no question. After Tuesday mornin' I knew she'd never look at sex the same way again, and for her to take this leap with you is a massive sacrifice on her part. She wouldn't just do that for any other guy, would she?

He found his own response to the thought even more disturbing. Normally even the offer of sex alone would have been enough to leave him twitching, leave him with racing thoughts and an all over flush. But nothing was stirring, not even the slightest twitch below his belt which just proved to himself that he wasn't all that enthusiastic about the idea of it either.

We've had some fun, but it went too fast and it's gone horribly wrong. It's time to take things slow now. If this has anythin' to it, then we gotta go back a bit and try to get to where we were before we started gettin' physical...to when she was more comfortable with me and I didn't feel I had to prove anythin' because of her urgency to be normal and have experiences, he thought as he went to put the shovel away after finishing the job. It'd taken an hour but the drive was clear.

Bet she's sleepin' like a baby, dreamin' about how different her life is gonna be once she has the weight of her powers thrown off her shoulders. Here I am, thing ain't even happenin' to me and I ain't slept a wink all night. God I feel like I aged twenty years in one month since this crap began.

He entered the garage through a side door, and he heard a gasp as he the door made it's usual squeak at the hinges. Kitty Pryde stood there in a fluffy polka dot robe, to Remy's surprise with a lit cigarette clutched between her delicate fingers. Her blue eyes were wide with shock as she realised she'd been caught. She had not expected to see anyone in this garage at 5am on a Saturday morning.

"Kitty..." he said, blinking.

"Fuck!" she swore, her expression suddenly so lost as she realised how crude it had sounded, she put a hand to her face and tried to desperately hide the cigarette behind her back.

"No thanks, but I'll take the cigarette," he reacted calmly, he moved over after putting the shovel away.

Kitty sighed, "you...weren't meant to see that."

"I'm guessin' no one was. Where you find it?"

"I stole it from you, actually," her cheeks grew hot and pink.

"I didn't even notice. Guess I'm a pretty poor thief these days."

"You were distracted," Kitty responded.

"I guess," he held his hand out for the cigarette and she passed it over sheepishly. He put it to his lips and took a long drag. He sighed the smoke back out.

"Are you gonna rat me out?"

Remy snorted, "no..." he held the cigarette out to her. He supposed he could be petty and remind her of how she'd told him off for the habit. Don't pick on her, she got cheated on and dumped in the same week, he reminded. He'd heard the girl sobbing to herself quietly quite a lot, he'd heard the rumours flying left and right.

Wanda was probably screwin' Lance while she was still screwin' me. Irony there, she accused me of bein' unfaithful to her, but I was faithful the whole damn time and there she was fucking Alvers.

Remy supposed he should say something comforting. He'd never been good at comforting girls. He only knew that getting them to sleep with him was easy when they were in this condition. Pity for Kitty, he thought. If I didn't care so much about Rogue, I'd have been able to help her forget entirely about that dickhead, he reckoned.

Kitty took a short drag of the cigarette, and she coughed. This wasn't something she did all the time, Remy realised.

"I'm...sorry that it didn't work out with you and Alvers," Remy admitted. He supposed in some sense he was. The girl didn't deserve it, as he understood it she was a good, honest, and sweet person. The problem really was that she'd chosen Lance to be with, and it was hard for a leopard to change his spots.

If that's true though, then you're fucked too, LeBeau, he told himself.

Kitty stared down at the floor as she passed the cigarette back to him, "yeah, well, so am I..." she sounded quite sad. "I thought this time was gonna be different, but..."

"There are other guys out there you know..."

"Human guys, but we all know how well they take what we are," Kitty reminded.

"There's mutant guys out there too," Remy responded, he sucked on the death stick and passed it back. "Some who'd think you were damn right adorable," he explained.

Kitty raised her wide blue eyes to him.

"You know..." he began,exhaling the smoke, "if I weren't already spoken for..." he mused, "I'd have maybe taken a chance on you myself."

"You're just saying that," she rolled her eyes at him.

"You're a catch. Smart, pretty, independent..." he said thoughtfully, "bendy and limber."

Kitty's face darkened a little, he gave a slight laugh at her.

"Some guys out there lookin' for a good girl like you," Remy admitted. He thought of Piotr. That guy definitely was looking for a nice girl. He even thought he'd seen him looking at Kitty in that almost wistful way once when Lance had snuck her in once for a visit. He didn't want to speak his thoughts about the subject though, it was too soon to suggest other potential suitors for the girl when she'd just had her heart shoved into a blender with the puree button hit on full blast.

Kitty sighed, and she tried smoking again, she coughed, spluttered and handed the cigarette back to him. "How do you smoke this crap?"

"Properly," he answered, he took the deepest drag he could from what was left of the cigarette, then stubbed it out on the damp patch of cement where his jeans had been dripping wet from the snow. After it was well and truly out, he tossed it into the trash.

"How come you're up so early?" Kitty asked, rubbing her left eye sleepily.

"Like you, couldn't sleep. Too much on my mind, I guess," he shrugged. "I'm sure you got a lot on yours, right now."

"Yeah..." she sighed unhappily.

Remy stood, awkwardly hovering, not sure what to say. Is it fucked up I feel so bad for her? I should have just told her I suspected Lance might have been screwin' around on her. "Do..." he began awkwardly, "do you need to talk about it...or...?" he tried, not really wanting to be the shoulder to cry on, but feeling there was very little else to distract him at this moment.

"I just..." Kitty sighed again and threw her hands up, "I mean...should I have just...I don't know..." she said frustratedly, "is it all my fault?"

"Huh?"

"Should I have just...you know, did what Lance wanted?"

Remy pondered. Would it have made a difference? Possibly. He'd heard Lance's confident admissions that he thought he was going to get lucky with Kitty many times. But when it hadn't happened, he wasn't surprised that the boy had moved on elsewhere. Back months ago, Remy might have even understood it. But falling in love had changed his opinion entirely on the subject.

Kitty sighed, she moved to sit against the hood of one of the nearby cars. "You're a guy, Remy," she threw a desperate look to him, "would it have stopped him from screwing Wanda? If I'd just...you know...done whatever it is guys want..."

"I can't say for certain," he responded, he came to sit beside her. "I mean...in my experience...I gave a girl what she wanted...what she said she needed...and...she still went and fucked someone else," Remy muttered, he stared down at the floor.

"Wanda?" asked Kitty meekly.

"Yeah..." Remy sighed. "Lookin' back now, she musta been fucking Lance behind my back..."

"When Lance told me what happened..." Kitty sighed, "he said that Wanda 'seduced' him into having sex in exchange for his complicity in fucking with Rogue's car..."

"Think he fucked with Piotr's van too...the night you guys went to that concert..."

"He was pretty late in picking me up...we nearly missed the opening act," Kitty shrugged.

"Anyway," said Remy, he turned his hand over and examined the bandaid he'd put there over his cut. It was bleeding through again. "Even if you had fucked him...it wouldn't have made a difference, he'd have probably still gone with Wanda. She has that way of making herself hard to turn down."

"Was it that way for you?"

"Yeah..." Remy admitted, "at first..." he thought to how hard it had been to resist that free offer of sex whenever he wanted it. "It was hard to resist. But...then came Rogue...and...well...sex on the clock weren't such a novelty any more when you have a good relationship with someone for once."

Kitty pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them, "I still keep thinking if I'd maybe just...been a little more...flexible..."

"You know what, you're doin' fine, petit," Remy turned to look at her, "you held out...and later, when you get the right guy, it's gonna make the difference. You start foolin' around too fast, it screws things up, and before long you don't know where you are relationship wise. You push things, suddenly everything becomes all about sex and wonderin' if you're givin' enough or not givin' enough...the other person ends up wonderin' if you're gettin' it elsewhere if it tapers off..."

Kitty turned to look at him, her serious big blue eyes were like a child's.

"I wish I'd waited," he sighed. "I have made...a lot of stupid decisions. And sex was behind nearly all of them. Take my advice, petit. Don't do it until you're ready, until you've waited a good long time, and you know for certain that it's time. Don't push things just for the experience or just 'cause you wanna sacrifice somethin' for another person."

"Really?" Kitty asked, "you're not gonna tell me to grow up and do what a woman is supposed to do?

"No, I'm not," he sighed, "think I been goin' about things wrong for far too long."

"You're young though," Kitty reminded, "you can turn things around. Might take work and some sacrifices..."

Make some sacrifices. She's right. You gotta make a sacrifice even if you don't agree with it. Rogue wants to sacrifice havin' sex...even though she's scared, and you know she is. Maybe Kitty has a point. You gotta make a sacrifice. Doesn't matter how you feel about it. You have to be there.

"You're right," Remy agreed finally in a soft breath, "I gotta sacrifice. God knows, she's made enough for me."

"Huh?"

"Nothin'," Remy shook his head and stood up. "I've just...figured out what I'm gonna do...'about everythin'."

Rogue sighed as she stared up at the ceiling, Wanda was sleeping soundly in her room and she was supervising, making sure the girl didn't wake up and try to cause trouble as she had before. The day was passing so slowly. She hadn't slept, she couldn't eat and her body was on edge.

With each hour passing, she counted down. Might be six hours away...four hours...three. How long now? God...Ah'm so sick of waitin'. Ah want this to be over.

When Piotr came to relieve her of her supervision duties, she went to go take a long shower, feeling like she had nothing but time.

This is the night. If this works out – and Ah think it will – my evolution means this is it. If he comes like Ah asked him...then Ah need to give him what Ah promised...the thing Ah've been promising since we got together.

As she undressed, she reminded herself that tonight she would be undressing for him. And when she lay, she would be laying for him to take. Her stomach churned and she pressed her hand against it, wincing at the thought. She felt queasy again, just as she had every single time she'd thought about it since the moment she'd promised him.

What about the pain? She asked herself as she stepped into the shower and let the water soak into her hair. So many questions attacked at her. What if they began and she couldn't take the pain, what if she couldn't tell him to stop. How could Ah tell him to stop after promisin' that? If he shows up and Ah just...back out? What would happen? Ah'd lose him...he's waited for this. Ah waited for it.

Remember what Logan said? When you make a commitment, you have to honour it, there's no turnin' back...you can't change what's done...

Closing her eyes, she let the water wash over her and tried to imagine how it would be with him. How he would touch her, how he would kiss her, and how he would take her. Maybe if she planned it out in her head, it wouldn't be so shocking, so sore, so awkward.

Was it possible to want someone and not want them at the same time?

Maybe it won't hurt as bad, maybe if we take it slower this time...

Drawing her breath, she reached down between her legs. In her eighteen years on earth she had avoided doing this, the closest she'd gone was to washing herself. But now, she tried to intimately touch herself. The effect didn't feel quite the same. She winced as she attempted to do what Remy had, feeling that it wasn't going to work, almost as if her own body wasn't meant to accept that sort of touch.

He got much further, much deeper, she despaired. Why can't Ah? Ah can't do this...it's too hard...it hurts...

Harder, she pushed against herself, the pain was still there, and as she pushed at it, it became more unbearable. There was a strange resistance within, something was there.

He'd didn't break it, it's still there, she thought in horror, wincing as she dropped to stall floor, thighs together tight. Maybe he only partially tore it...that's possible, isn't it? We stopped...maybe we stopped too soon before he could completely break it. It's gonna hurt, it's gonna hurt so much worse the next time, she felt tears burning her eyes as she let her back rest against the cold tiles, water pelting her hard. Why the fuck did Ah have to go there that night. Why the hell did Ah have to get him off?! If Ah hadn't done that...he wouldn't have tried to touch me. He wasn't pushin' me for sex...he stopped when Ah asked him to, he didn't go any further.

Why the hell did he feel he had somethin' to prove?!

It didn't matter now. She couldn't change it. It was like Logan had said. She'd made a commitment, and now it was done. There was no going back from it. The damage was done. It would be done forever.

She finished showering herself off quickly, trying to ignore the pain inside, and she dressed. She'd chosen the nicest clothes she owned, hoping to look nice for the night that she would finally be with Remy LeBeau.

If he shows, she thought as she went to her room to towel dry her hair. Her stomach was now in knots.

Oh God, can Ah do this? What if he's right, what if Ah go through this thing and nothing happens. What if Ah go through it and come out a monster...what if it blows up? What if...

What if Remy LeBeau didn't come? And she had to go through this alone, the Professor and Magneto watching her go in broken and coming out even more broken. Who was going to fix her? If Remy didn't come, then it meant he never could be there for her, that she'd gone too far. Maybe it was justified.

Ah can still change my mind, she reminded herself as she applied her makeup expertly, taking more slow and careful care than usual, trying to burn all the extra time away. It's not too late, she told herself as she sat upon the edge of her bed, cradling her head in her hands. Ah can still decide to not go through with this...

But what of Wanda? What would happen to her? Her deterioration, her madness, her father's attempts to control her by sedation? What would happen? Would he end up overdosing the girl in an attempt to subdue her, or end up with her so tolerant of the medications that she would overcome everything and go on a warpath. Rogue had seen the devastation that the powers of the Scarlet Witch could leave behind her, she'd felt it too.

She thought of the misery in Magneto's face, the misery in Pietro's face, and the sadness of Wanda's. The picture she'd seen of the family when the twins were young had stayed fresh in her mind, she could see the smiles, the happiness. The future had held such promise and had not paid out. Fate had not intervened with luck and hope. It was Rogue who had to do that now.

There was a quiet knock at her bedroom door, and she pulled herself together, sighed deeply, and murmured, "yeah?"

The door opened and there stood Logan, his face sombre, unshaven, his hair slightly bushy, his sideburns slightly unkempt. He frowned only slightly as he spoke, and she could tell each word he detested saying.

"It's time, kid. You ready?"

Rogue breathed in deeply through her nose, "is...is he here? Did...did he come? Did Remy come?"

Logan paused, then gave a slightly soft shake of his head, "sorry. He's not here."

"Oh," Rogue put her hand against her knotted stomach, she swallowed back the nerves like a large pill.

"You need a minute?"

"Yeah," she nodded nervously.

"You still have the choice, Rogue," Logan assured, "ain't too late. If we have to fight buckethead to get you out of here, we can do it. If it's what you choose."

Rogue stared at the floor unhappily, still holding her stomach.

"You don't have to say it if you're scared to. It's okay to be wrong about something, it's how you learn from your mistakes. If you can't say that you want this to be over with and you want to give up now...you don't have to. If you're not in that office room in the next ten minutes, then we'll know for sure that you've changed your mind. Pack, do whatever you need to do, and we'll see you at home, at Xavier's...if that's where you still want to be...because...that's where you belong. Where you've always belonged..."

Sighing, Rogue said nothing. And she watched as Logan left the room, closing the door behind himself, giving her the moments she still needed to pull herself together. After a few moments, she decided to go to the fire escape balcony to get some air. She felt so sick she thought she may throw up, and she didn't want anyone to see or hear this act. She supposed throwing up over the side, she could always clean it up later.

Stepping out onto the balcony she looked over the woodland area, the night was coming in fast, bitter winds whipping her damp hair around her shoulders. The snow had started again, and a flurry of it danced across the sky.

Tears blurred her vision. This could be it, the night when everything came together, the night when she'd finally learn what it would be like to be normal.

And Remy LeBeau hadn't even bothered to turn up. Maybe the promise of sex hadn't been enough for him. Maybe he wanted...or needed...something more? Or maybe he'd just given up. Too many unhappy memories, empty relationships, empty feelings, vicious assaults and rejections. Bayville held unhappy memories for him, and probably not enough happy ones to compensate.

She sobbed quietly to herself for a moment, trying to get out the emotion so that when she got to the office, it wouldn't cause her to burst into nervous hysterics, an emotional break down was all she needed in front of Magneto. He'd seen that before, and she couldn't face having him see it a second time.

A gentle hand touched her shoulder, someone had come up behind her through the open door from the catwalk. She hadn't even heard the step.

"Ah need a few more minutes, Logan..." she blinked her tears, and tried to keep her voice calm and cool.

"You got all the time in the world," came Remy LeBeau's reply.

She gave a tiny gasp that caught in the back of her throat and she spun around to look at him, his standing there looking so serious, cool and composed, his hair combed, his face clean shaven, his coat buttoned up right to the collar to avoid the cold. She thrust herself against his chest and sobbed, "Ah thought you weren't comin'."

"I almost didn't," he replied softly, he moved her back and brushed the tears from her face with his leather gloved fingers.

"What changed your mind?" she asked, sniffling.

"I love you..." he reminded.

"Remy...Ah..." she began.

He placed his fingers upon her mouth and shook his head, "don't say it. I don't want to hear you say it right now, like this. All I want to hear you say is that you're absolutely sure that this is what you want..." he cupped her chin, "are you sure?"

She gave a timid nod, and whispered the word "yes," so softly it was barely audible.

Remy looked remorseful, his eyes fell to the floor for a moment, but he gave a tiny nod, "okay...I'm...I'm gonna stand by you. God knows, you stood by me, was there when I was close to goin' crazy, was there for me when my mind was close to breakin'. It's my turn to be here for you now. If you're really sure about this...then...I'll be there."

"You don't know how much it means to me," she hugged him tightly.

End of Part Forty-Three

Arggggggggggh the penultimate part! I can't wait for the reactions for the final part. I also can't wait to see what you guys think! Keep the reviews coming in. I love hearing what you guys have to say! Thanks so much for all the support on the story 3