"These are girls," he continues, "and I know it sounds casual but it is what it is Buffy." I frown at him deeply and I'm just about to tell him it's my fault when he slams his hand over my opening mouth non to gently. "I don't want to hear you're one woman pity party Slayer, you won't get any sympathy from me. You didn't get them killed, they died doing the right thing Buffy, just like you did. Twice. May I add."

He looks are me intently, trying to gauge my reaction to his words. My shoulders slump and I feel any remaining fight in me drain out of my body. I bow my head and just stare at a random spot on the floor. "You know what the worst thing is though, I can't fault them" I whisper. I hear the confused tone in Spike's voice when he replies. "Why's that then, luv."

"I've always cut myself off from them, all of them. I'm not making excuses for doing it, I'm just getting what I deserve. People try to connect to me but I just... I slip away." I move my hair away from my eyes and turn my face to look at him. "You of all people should know."

"I seem to recall a certain amount of connecting" Spike replies, giving me a sad sort of smile. It only takes a second to go over our entire intertwined pasts together, and by the look on Spike's face, he's doing the same. "And look at us now Slayer. We're closer than I ever could have hoped for."

"And was it worth it? For us to go through all that we have together to get to where we are right now? Is this what every person needs to go through just to be part of my life?" My voice sounds scared and weak and I hate it.

"You're insufferable" he said with a serious face.
"Thank you. That helped" I stated sarcastically. Where was this supposed to lead? He may have an uncanny understanding when it comes to me, but I had no such capability with him. "I'm not tryin' to cheer you up, pet" he says, his tone honest and stern.
"Good, 'cause you're doing a terrible job" I counter coldly, looking away from him.
"I'm not one of your sodding Scoobies, coming to your rescue to make you feel better Princess, and it seems none of 'em are goin' to come running to your bloody side anytime soon. I'm here to tell you the cold hard truth, even if you don't want to hear it. "

"I told you, I quit" I say it real quietly, but I know he'll hear. Doesn't he see this is it for me? It's the end of the line for the Buffy the Vampire Slayer train. Final stop, Alonesville. "I'm not sure if anyone has ever told you Blondie, seeing as you've thrown all rules about being the 'Chosen One' out of the window and done whatever's been best by you, but Slayers don't get a say in the matter. So you can't quit."

I stand and tower over him until he stands too but I don't linger there, I step towards the window and look out onto the dark street knowing everyone isn't safe without me there to guide them. Spike's right of course, but I'm not ready to go out there yet. Everything still feels so raw inside. So betrayed. But not by him, never him.

I can feel him coming up behind me; my senses are so attuned to him by now. He stays silent by I can tell he's right behind me. "You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I'd prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker; I follow my blood, which doesn't always rush in the direction of my head. So I've made a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls."

I can feel Spike's lips less than an inch from my ear. It's all said so gently and so quietly I can just hear it. "I've seen your strength, and your kindness, I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. A hundred plus years, and you're the one thing I've ever been sure of" he continues. "You're the one, Buffy."

By this time, there are silent tears streaking down my face and Spike slowly takes my hand, giving me time to pull away if I want too. He turns me so I'm facing him but I keep my eyes to the ground. "Look at me" he says tilting my chin. "I'm not asking you for anything. When I tell you that I love you, it's not because I want you, or 'cause I can't have you – it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try..." I cut him off. Placing my lips to his and my hand on his heart.

I know I've cut up, moved around and plain old ignored a lot of things from our favourite vampire speech. I just wanted to try something a little different and see if it all still worked.
Hopefully you're not all too disgusted with me :)