Chapter 10: You win some…
Zuko didn't waste any time cornering her in the quiet of the Fire Sage Temple after the ceremony. The din of the feast outside could be heard. Zuko smelled of sweat and his face was tight in anger. Azula motioned for him to follow her into an old, musty chapel room that one of the sages had guaranteed to be private. Fung Tao, her Dai Li captain, also followed at her gesture. Zuko declined to sit, so she stood as well.
She was glad to be able to turn her mind from Katara's icy rage.
"How long have you had the Dai Li working for you?"
Azula sensed she would need to not only be truthful but act truthful as well. The big reveal hadn't gone over well so far. She'd miscalculated in that, though probably her acceptance of Lam's Agni Kai challenge had been the breaking point. She'd been so excited about this day and now all she wanted was for it to end.
"As soon as I received your blessings to continue with the ploy, I wrote to Fung Tao for support. He accepted and brought with him volunteers from his former numbers."
Zuko's jaw tightened. "How can you be sure they're still loyal to you?"
"If I may, Fire Lord," Tao interjected. His voice was as smooth and strong as it had been seven years ago. His green eyes met and held Zuko's for a moment before he lowered them accordingly to study the rim of the wide hat in his hands. "Princess Azula has had our loyalty since the coup of Ba Sing Se. Some of our number slipped away, but the core of us remained ready to resume our duties. It was a matter of waiting for her to recall us back."
"She was in prison for six months after the war. Apparently your loyalty didn't apply to that situation." Zuko nearly snarled his accusation. He was much angrier than Azula had first guessed.
Tao gave Azula a quick glance. She nodded. He lowered his head in a bow. "Fire Lord Zuko. At that time we made contact in secret to attempt to free Princess Azula. She declined our help."
Zuko's eyes fixed on her face; he lost a little pallor. His voice was quieter now. "Is that true?"
"Yes, Zuko."
She barely remembered Fung Tao standing before her cell in the dark of night while her guard snored in the hallway. The Dai Li agent had whispered of rescue and revolt. Revolt. Against the Fire Nation. She would rather die than take up flame against her own people…and it was the only way she would get out and stay out of that prison cell. Maybe she would have been able to accept that situation, but with her ultimate, shameful loss to a waterbender and the certainty that she was insane and her father was dead, Azula had nothing to offer them. She'd sunk deep into depression at that point. Azula didn't like to think of how close she'd come to taking her own life in that cell.
Zuko looked at her very closely for an uncomfortable moment. Azula was for once afraid her thoughts were written on her face. In all his anger, she still saw old guilt. After so many years, did he still regret her treatment after the war? Finally, Zuko turned to Tao. "If you work for my sister, you work for the Fire Nation."
"That is evident, Fire Lord. We will do what tasks Princess Azula assigns us."
"My Dai Li—" It tasted so sweet to say that. "—have gathered information on all the families involved with the coup. You're welcome to it, and to all information gathered by chance."
"I won't tolerate shadow warfare," Zuko said sharply. "No influences, no overt spying. Absolutely no hypnosis or brainwashing."
Tao answered for her. "Fire Lord, those were elements of Long Feng's leadership, not inherent to the Dai Li. We will not be performing those…methods here."
Meaning they wouldn't do so unless it was at her order. An order she doubted she would ever give. She'd never cared for the type of policing Long Feng had employed; too much was left to chance. After all, she'd deposed him despite the Dai Li's power. And her people, whether nobility or not, were guaranteed human rights against the tyranny of the Dai Li of Ba Sing Se.
"I want to talk to you alone." Zuko spoke to Azula with the same sharp command he'd given Tao. It was a surprise to be on the receiving end of the Fire Lord's gaze and also strange to feel cowed, yet that was exactly how she felt. It was ridiculous to feel this in the wake of the fierce victory she'd just achieved for her brother and herself.
Azula nodded to Tao. As he turned to leave, Zuko exercised his implied power and commanded, "Report to General Tso and Commander Tomo and send all the information you've gathered to my secretary."
Tao glanced over his shoulder at Azula for confirmation; that he did so gratified her. She nodded, and he lowered his head to acknowledge Zuko's order.
Silence followed Tao's exit. Then Zuko gave a heavy sigh in apparent frustration. "This was a lot different than I'd hoped. The Earth Kingdom ambassador is going to shit boulders over this." His voice went sharp, and he slammed his fist against the altar. "Why the fuck did you accept Lam's Agni Kai challenge?"
She was carefully neutral in the face of his anger. "Neither you nor I can afford to look weak in the wake of this attempt."
Zuko's lip curled. He looked shockingly like Ozai. "Don't tell me this was for me! This is about your pride. Damn it, Azula." Now he sounded more exasperated than angry. "He could kill you. Even if he doesn't and he just burns you, what am I supposed to do? Hang him anyway or let him walk away?"
Was he worried about her? How odd. Her emotions warred between childish gratification that he loved her and irritation that he didn't know her well enough to understand she could kill a fool like Lam in her sleep.
"It's moot. He won't burn me. He won't kill me. I'll burn him and kill him."
"I wash my hands of it," he said, shaking his hands as if miming his pronouncement. He stalked out of the room in a grand brooding sweep of black robes.
Azula leaned against the altar and considered that she'd made quite a few people angry that day. Most of those people were her allies, her loved ones. She hadn't anticipated that at all. She'd assumed they would celebrate her victory with her. She was disappointed, for herself and for them.
An ache had set in her scalp, but she would need the pompous headpiece for tonight.
A few minutes later, one of her Dai Li men escorted Laza inside. She, like all nobles in Capital City, wore lavish robes fitting for the Fire Lord's wedding ceremony. Her glossy dark hair was swept up in an elaborate fashion. Below her black hair, Laza's face was especially pale. Despite her palpable fear, she didn't balk at the sight of Azula. She must have inherited her late mother's dignity because Tazu had none to speak of.
Azula dismissed her man with a glance. She fingered her dragon dagger as she regarded the other woman in silence. She motioned for Laza to take a seat on the wooden pew and leaned back on the altar so that the carved wooden dragon that swept along the wall snarled over her shoulder. "You made a dangerous gamble, Laza, daughter of Tazu."
Laza didn't reply. Instead of the coy sultriness she seemed to wear like a mask, she kept a calm face. Her eyes were sharp with intellect when she met Azula's gaze. She was abruptly very beautiful. It was a startling change.
"Was it worth it?"
"Was what worth it, Princess?" Laza's voice was as quietly calm as her face. There was no giggle, not eyelash batting, no sultry look. This woman was astoundingly clever. She'd been intelligent enough to throw away what pride she had to act like a fool, all to hide her intellect. She had tricked Azula into overlooking her. For that alone, Laza had Azula's respect.
Azula clarified, "Marrying the woman you love. Was it worth the risk?"
Laza's eyes widened and her jaw clenched, but she didn't seem overly surprised that Azula knew about her situation. Her answer was firm. "Yes."
"You could have eloped. Your lover makes a respectable coin." The family made a very respectable coin according to her servants' information, and the head of the family was close to retirement age. He would certainly pass his business on to his eldest daughter, making that coin hers.
"Tazu would have ruined her," Laza said. "And I would have lost my standing."
The first was doubtful. Mongoose dragons had become a status symbol instead of a war beast in recent peacetime. Now they were ridden or kept as expensive pets by nobles. Perhaps Tazu could have used his noble influences to blacklist and bankrupt Laza's lover. Most probably he could not. Laza, however, would have certainly lost her standing as a noblewoman by eloping with a tradeswoman.
Azula imagined there was also some temptation at the idea that Tazu would hang as a traitor, if what she'd learned about all the matches he'd made for his daughter were true. Old men, cruel men, men who liked to control their women… And Laza had put them all off in the hopes of marrying the daughter of a tradesman with no noble blood. For love. Azula wouldn't have understood it ten years ago, but she understood now. She also understood Laza wanting to have both a wife and her nobility.
"So you gambled on me."
Laza met her eyes and said, "Yes."
"You knew about a coup attempt and you didn't raise warning to the crown. That offense is punishable by death."
Laza took a long breath and released it. Her expression was fragile with fear, especially when she focused on Azula fingering her dagger.
"I rarely do this." Azula folded her hands in front of her and heaved an exaggerated sigh. "But I owe you an apology for my…heavy-handedness, shall we call it?" Laza's eyes went wide. Azula continued, "I misjudged you, badly. I thought your disrespect was real." She laughed. "It's not often that I'm fooled."
Azula leaned back on the altar and studied the woman sitting in front of her, putting her together bit by bit in her mind. She remembered that vapid, silly, flighty girl who had tried so hard to fit in with the other noble girls at the academy and had been the outlier because of it. They'd treated her like the tag-along because she had tried so hard to be one of them.
"You never quite fit in with our classmates at the academy. You never quite managed to adopt their airs. I thought it was because you're stupid, that your want was that of desperation. I was wrong. Do you know why, Laza?"
"I was never very good at being coy," she replied with a tight smile.
"Yes, but why?" In the wake of Laza's silence, Azula provided the answer. "Because you're too clever for it. They can make themselves believe they're fulfilling the role of a gratefully prissy wife and a birthing machine, but you knew all along you never would. You're a leader, not a follower. Your only discredit is you never realized that."
Laza didn't hide her shock. Azula smiled. "In the wake of this attempted coup and your father's execution, you'll be besieged with invitations for tea, inundated with rumors, invited to all the greatest houses that wouldn't deign to interact with you before. You will accept what proposals you deem fit. You will advance yourself in their eyes and advance the Fire Lord and his sister. You will learn all their secrets. And you will report those secrets back to me."
Laza's jaw tightened and she folded her arms defensively. "If I wanted that life, Princess, I would have married one of Tazu's matches."
"How many men did you put off?"
"Six."
Azula was still impressed by that fact. To have pretended to try and yet managed to put all those men off—who certainly cared more about Laza's beauty, her womb, and her father's money than her manner. "No more. You'll marry your lover, carry on what life you want with her, and expand the influence you were so unwilling to lose by eloping. I only ask that you remain my ally as you do it."
"And if I say no?"
"You won't," Azula responded. She held out her hand.
Laza's expression softened in surprise. She met and held Azula's gaze, as if trying to judge Azula's truthfulness. Azula smiled. Laza's soft fingers slipped into Azula's palm, and she slowly reflected Azula's smile. "You're right," Laza admitted.
An ally.
"And now," Azula said quietly, "It's time to face the nobles." And her angry family.
Azula held Laza's hand tucked into her arm as they walked unhurriedly out of the temple and back out to the feast. Row after row of polished wooden tables sat along the plaza. Food and alcohol were already flowing, which loosened tongues enough that the sound of the nobles' hubbub changed blatantly when they saw Azula arm in arm with the daughter of one of the traitors she'd just arrested.
Azula ignored the stares as she walked Laza to her place at her family's table. "Smile," Azula said quietly, turning her eyes to Laza with a smile of her own. "We're friends now, discussing a subject we both enjoy."
Laza laughed and drew closer with her voice also pitched too low to be overheard. "Princess, I get the feeling we don't enjoy many of the same things."
"We both enjoy watching them make fools of themselves, don't we?"
"That's certainly true." Laza's smile went a little tight as she looked at something over Azula's shoulder. "Our alliance won't last long if your royal consort decides to murder me."
Azula gave a true laugh at that statement though she had no doubt all of Katara's anger that day was directed at her. They stopped in front of the Tazu family table. Laza's two sisters and their husbands stood and bowed low to Azula. Laza released Azula's arm and bowed as well. Azula afforded them all a half-nod in return. Petty posturing. It was fun.
Now for the not as fun part: Azula turned her feet towards the long raised table at the head of the feast and walked to her place there. The occupants of the table—the royal party—were seated on one side of the table to face the nobles. Several unhappy looks were directed to Azula, but she kept her attention elsewhere.
She met the eyes of prominent noblemen on her long walk to the royal table, enjoying their curiosity and discomfort in turn. Ozai would have immediately arrested every family member of the traitors and carted them off for questioning. Zuko was much smarter; he let them worry through the feast whether or not he would take legal action against them. Azula imagined they would quickly throw every loyalty they had to the Fire Lord.
The head of the Bouli family, shadow benefactor to the failed coup, met her eyes long enough for Azula to read the fear in them. She smiled at the man intimately, allowing him to see that she knew him for what he was. He could judge for himself if she planned to publicly out his involvement in the coup and ruin him. He would wonder all night if she'd already informed Zuko.
There was a vacant seat to Zuko's right waiting for her, and she settled there. He didn't look at her. To her right, Katara was blatantly silent. She did look at Azula, but in fragile fear, not in anger. What the fear was about, Azula couldn't guess. The Agni Kai Azula would fight the next day?
Beneath the table, Azula reached for her hand to offer some sort of comfort, but Katara pulled away from her touch.
Azula hadn't wasted any thought by imagining her family's reaction to her victory, but whatever expectation she'd had about this night wasn't this. Their table was as silent as the grave, and everyone was balanced on feigned calmness as fragile and transparent as dragonglass.
It was the longest two hours of her life.
She had hoped her future announcement would come across as another joyous victory and now realized it would fall flat.
When the sky was black and the tables lit with merry candlelight, Zuko and Mai were toasted. It was a long, drawn-out affair. The marriage of the Fire Lord wasn't just a marriage; it was a chance to lord over the nobles and show them how powerful the Fire Lord was. Traditionally, powerful allies and elite families heaped praises upon the newly married Fire Lord, complementing him or her for hours. The longest toasting in history had lasted three days; that Fire Lord had been deposed a record three days later—by his own wife, actually. Historically, toasting the Fire Lord was ridiculously overt posturing in front of the Fire Lord's noble subjects.
This time was much different.
The stiffness and unhappiness that Azula had created was broken when Iroh stood to give the first toast. He was teary-eyed as he spoke of his bursting pride at seeing Zuko grow into the man he was now. After him, Ursa was teary-eyed speaking of her love for her son and her happiness that they were all together as she'd always once hoped.
Mai's parents were also teary-eyed...probably at the thought that their daughter—as distant as she was towards them—had achieved the highest possible rank in the nation for her. Zuko's Avatar friends were informal enough to break whatever pompous nature of the act remained with jokes and embarrassing stories. Toph drew Azula out of her funk long enough to make her laugh at a few of her ridiculous puns and bawdy jokes. Even Katara, whose voice was weak at the start, warmed up and delivered a few words that made Zuko blush and grin.
They were all the perfect foil for Azula.
She gathered her dignity as she stood for her toast, the final one of the evening. The nobles began to murmur in anticipation and then quieted into dead silence as she raised her glass. Her voice carried across the courtyard of the temple easily, especially when they'd all gone so quiet to hear her. There was not a set of noble eyes that wasn't focused on Azula in that moment.
"I want you to know, Zuko, that I was perplexed with what gift I could give you to commemorate your marriage. What does one get a man who has everything: the highest title of the greatest nation of this world, the blessed company of the great Avatar, the most beautiful woman of the Fire Nation now as his wife?"
She smiled for the nobles, as Zuko and Mai both did as well—and the Avatar pointedly didn't. "But I've gotten ahead of myself. Let me restart…
"We've tried to kill each other far more than is healthy for brother and sister. We spent much of our lives as enemies, and much less of our lives as friends, and we've managed to be fairly successful at both. Though we disagreed on where the Fire Nation should proceed, you've treated me kindly and allowed me more freedom than I would have ever allowed you."
His expression tightened in a flash of old guilt again at the reminder of her imprisonment. She hadn't meant to coax that emotion from him. Azula shifted her lips into a smile, and he relaxed.
"It's only fitting that my gift to you, Zuko, is that great wish you've begged from me for years and years."
His brow twitched in question. Azula lifted her glass. "I give you…my presence in a trade meeting!"
It was difficult to deliver a joke and keep her dignity, but she'd been drilled endlessly by her teachers at the Royal Academy on diction and carriage, skills she'd learned as much from those women as from Ozai. Now Azula managed to coax a rolling laugh from the watching nobles. Zuko granted her the flash of his teeth in a grin. She continued more seriously.
"I also gift you thirteen traitors. I gift you my full political backing. I gift you myself in whatever capacity you wish me to serve you—whether by writing letters—I know how you nobles enjoy my missives!"
More laughter.
"Or by sitting on your council…though I would be more inclined to sit on your council."
Her careful emphasis coaxed another laugh, but Azula imagined the council members hadn't found it particularly funny. She wiped her face of her fake smile, set down her glass, and spoke now seriously. Zuko had given her his full attention.
"As I said… We were enemies; we are friends. Here's to hoping we are even more successful as allies." She clapped her hands. "And, ending your ceremony off with such a bang, I could hardly resist doing the same for your celebration feast!"
As she lifted her hands, a thunderous boom and whistle echoed across the temple grounds. Above them, a brilliant splash of white and red shattered the sky, the first of many. It drew cries and laughter from the watching nobles. Beside Azula, Katara jumped.
Capital City saw its greatest ever fireworks display that night.
It was as much a celebration of Azula's victory as it was of Zuko's wedding, but the former reason had fallen flat.
As Azula sat down, she turned to judge Katara's expression. Katara was looking up at the brilliant lights display with a tight smile. The smile meant unhappiness, and the tear tracks down her face meant pain.
That turned every positive emotion within Azula to ash.
Azula looked down the length of her robed arm and across the expanse of her empty bed. Katara was so very angry with her, more than she would have ever guessed. Her entire family was angry with her. She wondered how long this would last. It wasn't something she'd anticipated at all.
This was what they'd all wanted from her: to return to the capital, to support her brother, to resume her duties as the Princess of the Fire Nation. So why had they not shared in her victory as she'd so erroneously assumed? Apparently she had disappointed them, and in that they had disappointed her. What had she done so wrong?
The new moon provided no light, but there were candles burning on the balcony. Their gentle flames lit everything within her room faintly. Kota had drawn the curtains back to let the breeze blow through uninhibited. Azula studied the faint whorls she could see in the grain of the polished wood of her floor.
At dusk of the following day, she would be in Agni Kai with a proficient firebender. Herself unable to bend. She'd almost forgotten it, standing on the dais before her nation in victory over the conspirators. Not that Azula was worried about the outcome of the battle on the morrow. She would win. She just wished her family thought so too. She wished her family thought many things.
Azula turned her head and looked up at the bed's canopy. In the darkness, she couldn't make out the swirling reds and blues. It was just a textured gray cloth. She stared at it and dreamed of gray.
A warm yellow beam of sunlight woke her. Azula lifted her head from the pillow. The bed was empty next to her.
During her bath, she didn't ask Kota where Katara was. She didn't want to know. Kota, for her part, was quiet and meek and very gentle while Azula bathed. Her servant was careful as she washed and brushed Azula's hair.
"Cut it."
Kota's hands stilled in her hair.
"Cut it to an appropriate length for a full topknot."
Kota left and returned a moment later with a pair of scissors. She snipped and trimmed, and each cut lifted some weight from Azula's head. The last time she'd felt that particular sensation was back at the end of the war. At that time, she'd had each fiery rip of her lost fingernails to contemplate too, and the men hadn't been gentle as they sheered her hair off. Kota brushed it out quickly once more, and returned with the scissors for a few more snips. Her voice was soft as she asked, "Would you like to look?"
Azula walked naked to the full length mirror of the bathing chamber. She studied herself in the mirror, taking in the muscles and scars that defined the feminine curves of her body. With her hair down at this length, she saw more of the princess who had cried to a hallucination the eve of Sozin's Comet than she liked. And yet…and yet her face was so calm despite the rolling emotions in her gut that made her skin feel so fragile.
"Good," she said purely for Kota's benefit.
Kota pulled Azula's bangs from her face in a loose tie and helped Azula into a comfortable robe and trousers. There was no reason to dress today. She would eat simple food and meditate to prepare herself for the battle that evening. After that, she would worry about how to right a wrong she still didn't understand.
Iroh was waiting for her on her balcony, also clad in loose trousers and sleeping robe. He'd regained some of the paunch that he'd lost during the war, but Ursa kept his beard and hair well groomed. He usually looked younger than he had during the war, something she'd always attributed to Ursa. He didn't look younger today with the worry he carried around his eyes.
Whatever Iroh saw in her face made him sigh. "I'm not here to scold you," he said quietly.
She would rather a scolding than the disapproval and disappointment she'd read in her family's eyes and in his eyes now.
He looked at her in slowly dawning realization. "Oh, Azula." Iroh's hands covered hers, and he squeezed. "All you had to do was tell us, and we would have been happy for you."
To her shame, she blinked out a few quiet tears before she managed to swallow them. Iroh held her hand through it. His voice was gentle. "We aren't angry; we're worried."
That was a thread she could grasp. "Lam is nothing."
"Your mother and I in particular are worried. It would not be beyond the realm of possibility for the Fire Lord to overrule this Agni Kai…or stand in your stead." Before she could interject to express the anger his suggestion provoked, he quietly asked, "Can you kill him without your fire?"
Her anger turned to certainty. "Yes."
He nodded and gently gave her hand back. "Lam is a skilled firebender, but his flame is weak. He relies on amount instead of quality, muscle instead of breath. His katas are flashy, and he's weak to his left side. He pretends to be ambidextrous, but he's right handed."
Azula didn't tell Iroh that she already knew all of these things.
"Your family backs you, Azula. We're here, and we love you. Don't worry about us going into this fight."
She nodded slowly, relief easing some heaviness from her shoulders.
"I am proud of you, though probably not for the reasons you wish." He patted her hand with a gentle smile. "Your mother would be here, but I'm afraid she would make you upset. That would not do today. She told me to tell you she loves you. Shall we have tea?"
They didn't speak again through the breakfast they shared. Despite herself, Azula took comfort in his quiet presence. She was finally starting to realize that Iroh was a good man. She wouldn't have traded her years as Ozai's daughter to have been Iroh's child, but a small part of her envied the close bond that Iroh had always shared with Zuko. She was grateful for his support now.
As he stood to leave her, she asked the question that had been plaguing her since the night before. "What if she won't forgive me?"
Iroh smiled at her gently. "I don't think that will happen. But if it does: beg forgiveness and make every promise you must until she does. There is no dignity in the face of losing someone you love."
Katara returned to their apartment that afternoon. Azula was meditating in the sun on the balcony, trying to push away her rolling emotions to find a calm center in preparation for the evening. She sensed Katara standing behind her, watching her. It was an eternity waiting for her to move one way or another. When Katara approached and wrapped her warm arms around Azula's shoulders, a tight ball of tension in Azula's chest released.
With it came tears.
"You can make me so angry sometimes," Katara said quietly.
"Why? Why are you so angry over this?" Azula's frustration tempered her relief. She wiped her tears away quickly. "All these years you've been on my back about helping my brother, and now that I have you're angry with me for doing just that. Can I do nothing right when it comes to you?"
Katara rounded her to sit in front of Azula. Her eyes were red-rimmed from tears, and they looked all the bluer for it. She took Azula's hands in a tight grip. She reflected Azula's exasperation. "We aren't nobles, Azula. I'm not a noble. Was I supposed to be impressed that you managed to recruit your Dai Li or by your pretty fireworks or that you're going to fight Agni Kai against that man?"
Had this all stemmed from her acceptance of the Agni Kai challenge? Azula snatched at the one thing she could address in Katara's observation. "It was his right to challenge me."
"It's your right to refuse too, isn't it? Why did you agree?"
"It's my responsibility," Azula replied, uncertain of the answer Katara wanted or the one she could give.
"He could kill you."
"It's his right to demand Agni Kai and my responsibility to meet him," Azula said again. She wouldn't apologize for this, but she needed to know how much damage it would do. "Are you angry because of the risk or because I'm going to kill him?"
Katara's eyes filled with tears; she looked away. "I don't understand why you would do this when you don't need to. He was going to be executed anyway, but you've decided you want to kill him instead. It's barbaric. I don't know why Zuko hasn't outlawed Agni Kai yet."
"He never will. It's a custom that's as ingrained in our culture as fire. As Fire Lord, Zuko is a warrior of the Fire Nation. As the Fire Nation's Princess, so am I. This is who I am. I never pretended otherwise." Azula reached out to touch Katara's stricken face and was relieved when Katara didn't pull away. "I won't let him hurt me."
"You decided all of this," Katara said, nuzzling her hand. She was crying now. "All of this, Azula… To move to the capital, to serve Zuko, to be the Princess again…"
"Yes," Azula replied. She felt like she was navigating her way around in the pitch darkness. "Things won't change between us, Katara. You know me—"
Katara's eyes were sharp when she met Azula's. "Not always. I don't always know you. I knew you two nights ago when you were being silly and you put up with my brother and you teased Zuko and your mother. But I didn't know you yesterday. Not when you drew your knife and looked like you were thinking about putting it in Zuko's heart. Not when you accepted that man's challenge. Not when you toasted Zuko. You were someone alien then, Azula."
"Katara, I have to put on a face for them—"
Katara cut her off again. Azula felt like she was losing control of this argument.
"But that wasn't just for them, was it? Or you would have told us about all of this. You would have told me." Katara shook her head in evident disgust. "I'm your consort. I thought that meant I shared part of your life, but you didn't tell me about any of this. You didn't ask me if I would be alright with all the changes this is going to make in our lives. You didn't think of me at all, did you?"
That accusation provoked Azula's anger. "Of course I did! They'll respect me, and because of that they'll respect you—"
"That doesn't even matter to me!"
"It did several weeks ago!" Azula snapped.
"And I would have sucked it up and dealt with it!" Katara shouted back. "I love you, and I want to keep you, and I'm afraid I'm going to lose you to the Fire Nation again!"
Azula was stunned that Katara could ever think such a thing. "Don't you know that you're everything?"
"No, I'm not. Because even with me standing beside you, holding your hand, you didn't spare me a thought when you said you were fine with risking your life for nothing! You can't tell me you thought about how I would feel or what I would do if you got hurt fighting a man who's going to die anyway. It was about posturing and about the nobles and about your damn pride. Azula, you wanted him to challenge you!"
Azula looked at Katara and realized it was true. Katara was right. She hadn't thought for one moment of asking Katara about her plans. She hadn't thought about Katara when she'd accepted the challenge. She hadn't thought of her family either.
Katara looked back at her, but the steam she'd built up with her last speech dwindled with what she saw in Azula's expression. She squeezed Azula's hands and looked away. Katara's anger abruptly shifted to discomfort. "Who was that woman?"
Azula was flummoxed. She echoed, "Woman?"
"The woman you walked to the table?" Katara asked; she still wouldn't meet Azula's eyes as she said it. "Aang told me—"
"Fuck your Avatar!" Azula snarled, her anger sharp once more. "He has no place in our relationship or confounding whatever illogical fear—"
"How is it illogical?" Katara gasped. "You seemed to change so much in all of a second, and right after the wedding you slipped away with her in private and came out laughing with her, and Aang said he saw you two riding together. And this last month you've been so secret about everything and I never knew where you were…"
"Katara." Azula wasn't angry anymore. She had no idea she'd be so overtly secretive. She hadn't realized Katara had been worried about it and now felt a stab of guilt. "She's one of the traitor's daughters. She double-crossed them. She's going to spy for me."
"Aang said you told him you were sleeping with her."
What a fool anger had made her to ever say that to him. Azula winced. "I was angry. I lied to him to make him angry too."
Katara took a deep breath and asked directly, "Are you sleeping with her?"
"No!" Azula framed Katara's face in her hands, drawing her gaze. "Trust me. You are the only person I could ever love. There's no one else and there never will be. How could I ever love anyone else after I've had you?" She presented the other part of the truth. "Her name is Laza, and she betrayed her father because he wouldn't allow her to marry her lover."
Katara looked into her eyes for a long moment. Her expression was still fragile. "I can't lose you, not to her or to the man tonight or to the Fire Nation."
And suddenly Azula understood. She understood why her family and Katara were so upset about this. She also understood why she'd done it.
She'd wanted her family to be proud of her and to share in her victory, but she had done this for herself. She needed it for herself. Azula was no one if she wasn't the Princess of the Fire Nation. She needed to be herself again. But, unlike what Katara feared, regaining her title in name and act wasn't going to revert Azula back to the vicious girl she'd been during the war. It wouldn't undo all the emotions and relationships she'd gained in the years since.
"I have to do this, Katara. For myself. But I won't stop loving you." Katara had so much power over her. Azula knew if she exercised that power now, she would give everything up all over again. "I can't lose you either," she said quietly, meeting Katara's gaze. She couldn't suppress the tears that came to her eyes. "Am I going to?"
"You don't have the right to look at me like that." Katara seized Azula's robes and met her mouth in a hard kiss. "I never expected it to be this difficult," she said against Azula's mouth. "Loving you is so easy but being with you can be so hard."
"How can I make it easier?"
Katara shook her head, and her mouth shifted into a faint smile against Azula's. "It wouldn't be fair." She nuzzled Azula's cheek. "I'm not leaving you. I love you. But we're going to talk about all of this when we're both a little calmer." She settled with her face tucked against Azula's neck. "Are you sure you can beat him, Azula?"
"Lam is nothing."
"I know you've let your bending go."
Azula stiffened.
"You haven't been practicing, maybe because you don't think you deserve it. You're wrong. You need to start taking care of that part of yourself again."
Azula opened her mouth to tell Katara the truth and realized she couldn't, not when Katara thought her victory would stem from her firebending alone. Katara's anger that Azula accepted the Agni Kai challenge would be tenfold what it was now if she knew Azula had accepted without being able to firebend.
"I can beat him, Katara."
Katara heaved a shaky sigh and held her for a few minutes of silence. Finally, she kissed Azula's neck. "I need you. Is it going to distract you for the Agni Kai?"
Azula pushed Katara's shoulders back and offered a quiet smile. "On the contrary. Fire Lords of old rarely fought Agni Kai without first spending their seed. If a child resulted, that child was considered blessed by the spirits of war."
Katara touched her face. "My warrior," she said. Her voice was tight with grief, not love.
"Your lover," Azula corrected gently.
Katara offered a smile and then burst into tears. Azula held her close through them.
They spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, and Katara coaxed Azula's pleasure gently. Katara fell asleep in her arms, and Azula looked up at the swirling blue and red canopy of their bed, feeling so surprisingly peaceful after the tumultuous night. It might take a thousand apologies, but she hadn't lost Katara yet.
And now, she could finally think about what would happen that night with a clear mind.
She imagined walking to the Agni Kai chamber, but from there her thoughts slipped into a gentle meditation about how it had all come to be. The past was important; it would always be important.
Agni Kai had come a long way since the dark ages. It had been fought as a basic duel then before it had gained its name. After the age of enlightenment, Agni Kai was declared in attempts to dethrone the Fire Lord. Lesser duels also carried the name, but they usually ended in a new scar for one of the combatants. An Agni Kai declared against the Fire Lord always ended in death. At that time, the Fire Lord didn't have the right to decline the challenges or he would lose his throne. Leading the country was only possible by a powerful warrior, hence the title Fire Lord.
At some point in that time, a Fire Lord was challenged by five men on the same day. He lost his last battle out of pure exhaustion. After that came a long succession of bloody conflict when Agni Kai was fought all on the same day with similar results. There were a record twenty new Fire Lords that year.
The Fire Sages had responded by declaring the setting sun was the holiest time of the day and that Agni required her sacrifices then. Historians were of two minds about the move: that the current Fire Lord had bribed the supposedly impartial Fire Sages or that the Sages knew the Fire Nation would collapse without a long-ruling Fire Lord.
And so Agni Kai was fought in the setting sun.
The cloak came about later when a commoner challenged the Fire Lord and won to take the throne. Fire Lord Li, the only Li ever to hold the throne, added it to his Agni Kai battles to symbolize that any man who stepped into the Agni Kai chamber was equal in the eyes of fire and must shed his titles to stand as a man first. Li ruled for thirty years and fought and won more Agni Kai duels than any other Fire Lord.
And so the cloak was worn and shed before Agni Kai was fought.
The gong that signaled the start of the battle in the Agni Kai chamber of the palace was an ancient instrument, left from the age of gender equality when the first female Fire Lord defeated her younger brother in Agni Kai to take the throne. The gong was one of the oldest relics they had left from those ages. Engraved into its rim were words that translated to: Flame is the great equalizer. I was first struck to mark the age of equality for all people. Let every time I ring celebrate the equality of fire.
And so the gong marked the beginning of the Agni Kai duel.
Everything in the Agni Kai chamber was a mark of the ages and customs of the Fire Nation: the tiles, the tapestries, the curtains. Azula had never fought an Agni Kai—excluding the faux battle at the end of the great war—and she'd never imagined doing so even though she'd known as a child it would happen. She had only thought about the honor it would be to stand on the sparring platform on which so many men and women had died: for glory, for pride, or for the betterment of their nation.
Azula gathered her dignity and her confidence and knew she was the Princess of the Fire Nation. She would do her country right; she would show her people that she was fit to regain her place in the quiet seat of power of Princess. No more would she be a silent recluse willing to turn her eyes away from the needs of her people and her Fire Lord.
She didn't need fire for that.
Katara held her close beneath the sheets. Her hands tightened on Azula's shoulder when Kota slipped into the room. "Forgive me, Princess, Lady Katara, but it would be advisable to prepare."
Azula slipped out of bed, and Katara followed her. She pulled on a sleeping robe and sat at the edge of the bed, watching Azula as Kota attended to her. Azula pushed her arms through her robe and belted it loosely. She declined makeup.
"What will you wear, Princess?"
Azula responded to the unspoken question in Katara's eyes—'what does it matter?'—and explained the meaning behind Kota's question while her servant tugged her hair up into a topknot.
"Before the age of gender equality, Agni Kai was only fought by women when they were accused of adultery. They were forced to fight their husbands with their breasts bare in public confirmation of their accused adultery. It was quite tawdry, actually, and the claims were usually false, made by men who wanted to remarry or just get rid of their wives.
"In the fourth era, Fire Lord Zo abolished the custom by royal decree. His sister, Princess Olana, was accused. He didn't bother declaring divorce legal. That edict came over a century later." Azula smiled at the scandal of it. "In Olana's case, the adultery was true. The Fire Lord and his sister shared each other's beds for their entire lives while Olana's noble husband rotted in the palace dungeon."
Katara was distracted from her worry long enough to look disgusted. "They weren't your ancestors, were they?"
"Thankfully not. Their line didn't propagate, but my ancestors didn't control the throne until eight hundred years later. We are the only family to monopolize the throne for as long as we have."
Katara fixed her with an angry look. "You are not fighting Agni Kai half-naked."
Azula rolled her wrist, offering a gentle smile. She was pleased to have distracted Katara if only for a few moments. "The age of gender equality started almost a millennium ago, but there are still some foolish traditionalists who believe women should go bare-breasted in Agni Kai. I'm not one of them."
She opted instead for a breast support that was suitable to be worn alone. Her shoulders and belly were visible, displaying the lines the sun had tanned into her skin and a few old burn scars. It was as symbolic as a man baring the untested flesh of his chest and belly for his opponent's fire.
The silk pants were plain and thin, cinched below her knee by plain leather shin guards. She would go barefoot.
As Azula stood to gather herself for the rapidly approaching Agni Kai, Katara approached. She brushed Azula's face gently with her fingertips as if memorizing her features. "I'm here," she said firmly. "I'll still be here after the fight. I'm not leaving you; I haven't stopped loving you."
"Katara—"
"Go. I won't watch." Katara's voice was hard, and she refused to look at Azula as she said it. A relief and a disappointment in one. Abruptly, Katara pulled her into a hard embrace. "If you get hurt, I'll kill you." She kissed Azula hard enough that Azula tasted iron. "Come back to me after."
As Azula stepped out of her apartments, she motioned Kota closer. She knew the din from the Agni Kai chamber would be audible from her balcony. Katara wouldn't know how to interpret the noise, but Kota would. She would be able to tell Katara that Azula had won and ease that worry. Azula commanded, "Stay with her. Tell her when I win."
Kota stopped and bowed. Her normally quiet voice was fierce with an unorthodox command. "Kill him well, Princess."
Azula afforded her bodyservant a smile before she began her walk down the hallway. She strode across the palace grounds alone to the Agni Kai chamber. The floor and grounds were smooth against her bare feet. The air was warm, but a soft breeze followed her. Her mind was empty.
As Azula rounded the entryway of the Agni Kai chamber, the faint echo of laughter surprised her, and she paused behind the drapes of the entrance to listen further.
Lam's silky voice echoed within the arena. "She lost the throne to a waterbender! And now she bends over to let that same waterbender fuck her like the whore she is! She's even been coaxed to legally bind herself to the savage. She gave that savage the right to vote on matters of the Fire Nation, promised her Fire Nation money, and the waterbender's waterbending children will be citizens of the Fire Nation—possibly sit on the throne! Is that right?!
"She's backing a Fire Lord who steals our hard earned money and gives it to the poor: people too stupid and lazy to make their own money! Even worse, they give our hard earned money to savages of other countries. She and her brother will ruin this nation! When I hang as a traitor, I'll do it having bettered the Fire Nation by incinerating the savage-fucking whore that claims herself a princess of our nation!"
Well, at least he knew he was going to die. He just had his date and method of death wrong. Azula examined his words clinically and pushed them away from her with a breath. It was good that Katara hadn't come with her if only that she wouldn't have to hear those words.
Lam's shouts continued. "She's weak and ignorant and doesn't give a thought to us—"
"Shut up, Lam!" someone shouted from the stadium seats. "Save your wind for the shitpot and the duel!"
Laughter echoed through the Agni Kai chamber. Lam fell silent. Azula allowed herself a faint smile before she wiped the expression away. She stepped out into the arena.
As expected, the arena was packed. This was the first Agni Kai fought since the war had ended, and the challenge had been issued during a public and scandalous incident. As a result, nobles sat squashed shoulder to shoulder in the spectator seats. Lam's family sat along the first row on the west side. The youngest son, his face still discolored and his nose broken from her assault weeks ago, met her eyes. He lowered his head. A bow or fear? Either one was acceptable.
Azula's family sat on the opposite side of the arena, also in the front row. Among her supporters was Tazu's family: Laza and her sisters and their husbands, sitting quietly behind Azula's family. In fact, the head family members of each man involved in the coup sat there in her support in a display of fearful loyalty for Zuko and Azula's benefit.
Zuko—his face pinched and grim—met her eyes. Iroh put a hand on Zuko's arm and leaned close to speak to him. Zuko's expression smoothed out, and he nodded. Iroh stood after that to approach her. Her father had a frown so deep his white beard bristled around his mouth.
"Kill him," he said quietly. Apparently Iroh's passivity had been turned to grim anger by Lam's posturing. Azula glanced over his shoulder and saw Ursa twisting her sleeves in a white-knuckled grip. She couldn't feel guilty right now. There was no place for it.
She nodded.
He seized her arm in a tight grip. "Agni be with you. Remember your fundamentals. I don't think he will."
Arrogant Lam paced onto the sparring platform across from Azula. He was well-muscled and carried himself like he knew it. There was not a single burn scar on him. His silk pants were specially made; they were fine with a beautiful embroidered pattern of golden dragons along the belt and up the outside of each leg. Had he had them created in case one day he would fight Agni Kai? What a fool. What a pompous fool. The only thing he'd accomplished was ordering the clothing he would die in.
There were still a few minutes before the eighth hour so Azula ignored him. She settled down onto the cool tile and studied it: blackened in some areas, stained by charred human flesh permanently. Agni Kai was not often called against a member of the royal family—her family—these last few centuries, but it always had disastrous effects. Zuko had been lucky in some ways. She'd been surprised as a child that Ozai had let him live.
"You can't firebend, can you?"
Lam stood close enough for her to hear his words clearly over the din of the uneasy crowd. His smile was cruel. It was no surprise to her there were noble whispers about her lack of bending, especially after the recent attack. She might have been sheltered from noble rumors on Ember Island, but she certainly wasn't here in Capital City—not that any noble was stupid enough to say anything to her face...except Lam, who knew he was dead anyway. She wondered if he'd made a public claim about her bending before she'd begun to eavesdrop.
Azula regarded him coolly. He'd challenged her probably because he had bet upon her inability to command fire. Apparently he hadn't factored in that she wouldn't need it.
He laughed in her silence. "Watching your life slip from you as you burn will be so satisfying." He gave an exaggerated gasp as he looked at Azula's family. "Your savage whore isn't here to see you burn to death, I see."
She ignored that statement. Anger had no place here.
This was the place of life or death. Nothing else belonged here.
General Tso, who would be moderating this event, walked between them; his face showed no evidence that he heard their words. He held out two silk cloaks. Azula took hers and drew it over her shoulders. She walked to the half-sun tiled into the platform that marked her place and let her cloak slip from her shoulders at Tso's command. All men are equal in the eyes of fire. The crowd hushed immediately.
She turned in the dead silence of the arena. Lam faced her twenty meters away. She settled into stillness.
The gong struck.
She would be its equalizer.
Lam immediately lurched into form. Azula darted sideways and propelled herself forward. His flame—red and fluttery—missed her and wasn't hot enough to even singe her skin from this distance. His eyes went wide at her speed; she was close enough to touch him before he'd shifted into his second attack. She rolled into a crouch and swept her foot across his ankles.
He twisted as he felt backwards and rolled into a crouch in the attempt to regain his feet. She was waiting for him. She watched his body for his gusty inhalation and reached out to take hold of his wrist. His belly flexed as he began his exhale. There! Her fingers clamped onto his wrist, and she wrenched it around. His eyes widened in pain and realization. His arm snapped, his flame ballooned inward, and he lost control of it. He took the brunt of that billowing fire in his face.
His flame sputtered out with his rising scream—of pain and fear. She'd heard that kind of scream many times heralding a man or beast's death. She put the heel of her palm into his throat and crushed the bones of his larynx beneath his burned skin. His scream tapered off into a rumbling moan. What flame remained only singed the hair off of her hand and wrist.
Lam fell to his knees with his hair still burning and his face a ruined mass of charred flesh. He flopped prostrate at her feet. His chest heaved, his legs kicked, and his hands clenched as he attempted to breathe around his collapsed trachea. It would not be an easy death. He would remain alive long enough to hear her words now. She didn't deign to watch his life slip away from him; he didn't deserve the attention.
As she stepped away from his dying body, the rush of power Azula felt in that moment coaxed her laughter. She turned within the arena and raised her voice. It was strong and proud. She finally sounded like herself again. Azula grinned fiercely at the spectators as she spoke.
"I am Azula, Princess of the Fire Nation, blood of Sozin and Roku, and I stand before you victorious. I did not firebend today because this traitor did not deserve it. Does anyone else wish to challenge me or my brother to see if he will qualify for my flame?"
There was silence in the wake of her words. She looked to Lam's family, fiercely searching for their reverence. Every one of them bowed to her in a blatant display of loyalty. As she turned her eyes across the arena, silk whispered as nobles lowered their heads at the touch of her gaze.
She lifted her arms in wordless command. A muted thunder rang across the arena, echoing the powerful burst of pride within her chest. Hundreds of noble feet struck the ground in deep applause, and within their din a deep, powerful chant pulsed: her name. Her nobles, her nation, were giving their endorsement. In that moment, she knew she was once again the Princess of the Fire Nation—her nation.
She was back. And it felt great.
-TBC-
Epilogue of Book 2 to follow