A/N: You guys gave me so many great ideas that I actually had to re-write everything I had already written. Sometimes the entire chapter.

Ok, well there was that. But the real truth is that I got caught up exploring the XKCD comic 1110. (a href=" /1110/"Click and Drag./a) If you have time, (And I mean a lot of time) you should check it out. There are two velociraptors hiding in the grass to the far, far left and at least 2 X-wing fighters that I found. (One is pretty far down a tunnel, one is in the sky.)

Chapter 3.

"Thank you for getting them to admit to the presence of hostile alien forces in the galaxy. That does simplify our choices." Xander said to Riley. "However, you know I can't allow you to be part of my crew now, don't you?"

"He did just help us a lot." Jon offered.

"No, he's right." Riley cut him off. "Conflict of interest. We've taken an oath to the United States of America. Not Xander Harris, whoever you are. I knew I couldn't stay here so I did what I could to ensure that any negotiations between yourselves and the US Air Force wouldn't have any misunderstandings."

Xander called a droid. "Bring up two Ensign uniforms to the officer's bathrooms. Ensure that they don't keep anything of their present uniforms." he said, looking at Forrest.

"Why you looking me when you say that? Cause I'm black?" Forrest accused.

"No, it's because you've been belligerent and I can sense that you wish to steal something. Don't. It might hurt negotiations if I had to kill you... Probably not though." Xander warned.

Suitably warned, the two soldiers were led to the bathrooms by another droid.

"Are you sure you're not Vader? Oww!" Andrew asked before being elbowed in the side by his brother.

"You'll have to forgive him, he's... well we're not sure what's wrong with him. Borderline Asperger's, maybe. But he knows a lot about Star Wars. Stuff that isn't in any of the movies, facts and figures that might be useful." Tucker offered.

Xander sighed in his suit. "Fine. But keep him quiet unless he has something constructive to share or I'm sending him back down to Earth, Ensign Wells. And take that blaster away from him before he shoots someone. Waving it around like that. Were you going to stay as well, Warren?" when Warren quickly nodded, he was initiated as Ensign Mears. "Congratulations, you three are the first three officers in the Galactic Empire."

"What about me?" Andrew whined.

"Civilian consultant." Xander said quickly. There was no way he was giving that kid control over so much as a protocol droid.

The two soldiers returned in the gray uniform of an imperial officer and stood at attention.

"Good. The shuttle is ready for your trip. It will set you down a few miles outside town." Xander informed them and they walked away, following a droid. Then he turned to Jonathan, "Contact the Stargate Command. Let them know we'll be launching the shuttle."

"We wanted to let you know we're going to be launching a shuttle shortly to return two army soldiers to Earth." Jon repeated.

"Are they alright?" Hammond asked.

"Well, if they're anything like me, they have a headache from the memories this spell crammed into our heads, but they seemed fine when they left." Jon didn't wait to clear that one with Xander.

"Tell them any further negotiations will have to be in person." Xander said. He didn't like talking to new people over the radio like this. It was impossible to read their feelings through the Force without knowing them better. He had to meet someone face to face to get a read on them. "They can send..." he debated for a moment. "four people. The shuttle will touch down outside NORAD in... what? 25 minutes?"

"Looks more like 30." Jon said before relaying the message.

George took one look at his premier first-contact team and said. "You heard the man. Get your gear and get a move on!"

Colonel O'Neill had often felt like he was living in a Sci-fi movie ever since his first step through the gate onto Abydos. And now he was on a ship from Star Wars being led to the bridge by a C3 unit. The entire team froze as they came to the bridge and heard a sound that every one of them recognized. The slow 'whoosh' sound of Darth Vader's ventilator. He and Carter immediately snapped up their submachine guns while Teal'c leveled his staff weapon, shadowed by three stormtroopers leveling their blasters at his team. Daniel didn't draw his weapon and was instead trying to diffuse the situation, which was fairly normal. What was new was a boy in a stormtrooper uniform but no blaster and no helmet trying to do the same thing.

"He's not evil! He's not really Vader!" he yelled. "Well kinda. But it's more that Xander got the body and memories than anything. I mean, he did kind of Force shove me, but it wasn't anything that my brother, Tucker, hasn't done."

"The Force can have a strong influence on the weak minded. Darth Vader may already have corrupted him. We cannot believe anything he says." Teal'c reminded their team.

"Maybe." Daniel allowed. But Darth Vader might have also destroyed our planet without negotiating. We could at least hear them out. They invited us here to negotiate, so they probably don't just want to kill us. Maybe we could put our guns down first?"

Jack and Sam shared a look. Teal'c spoke though. "The Darth Lord Vader is not an honorable warrior. He cannot be trusted."

"You think you can judge Vader based on 6 hours of movies?" Xander asked. "I'm not even sure how much screen time Vader had. But it probably wasn't a full hour. And the movies aren't completely correct either. You know that line after Luke loses his hand?"

"Luke, I am your father?" Jack offered, lowering his gun slightly.

"Actually, the line is 'No. I am your father.' O'Neill." Teal'c corrected, not lowering his weapon.

"Samuel L. Jackson is right." Xander nodded. "For the movie. But... What Vader actually said was 'Luke, I am your father.' Which is weird in the way it gets misremembered correctly. Maybe there really was a gin joint in North Africa where someone said 'play it again, Sam'." Xander shook his head to clear the tangent. "But the point I was trying to make was that you didn't see the person that was Darth Vader. What you thought you saw was the villain of the movie, but what I remember was a father desperate to find his son. Nothing else mattered once he found out his boy was alive. And, yes, he did some evil things to clear obstacles out of his way, but Vader never set out to do evil."

"Obi-wan Kenobi and the Jedi were honorable warriors." Teal'c objected.

"From a certain point of view." Xander quoted as his reply. "From Vader's view, they were fanatics who kidnapped his wife and either killed her or at least allowed her to die. Then they stole his children and brainwashed them against him.

"I realize now what Obi-wan was trying to accomplish by giving up in that last fight – and it wasn't to become a ghost-Jedi. The first time Luke ever saw Vader, Vader killed Luke's mentor. And Obi-wan made it look like cold-blooded murder, too. He was a crafty old man." Xander insisted. "Because after finding out about Luke, Vader didn't give a shit about the Empire or the Rebellion. He was only looking for his son after that. His son happened to be hanging out with rebels, and if he had to go through them to reach his son, then so be it.

"Although, torturing his friends probably wasn't the best way to win his son over. Even if it did bring him to Cloud City." Xander admitted. "He was taught that way by the Emperor and was too used to dealing with politicians and underlings. People he usually motivated by fear and intimidation. Much like he was treated growing up as a slave."

There were looks of shock on the people he was speaking to. Even Teal'c looked a little unsure.

"Didn't know that, did you?" Xander said. "Well, I hear Lucas is making the prequels. We'll see if that little tidbit makes it in."

"What about the fact that y- Vader turned his son over to the emperor?" Jack asked.

"Vader truly believed the dark side to be stronger. His son's offer to come back to the Jedi again was laughable to him. He tried several times to make Luke his own apprentice, but he could only push so far before the emperor would see it as open rebellion and punish him. What he wanted was just what he said, 'To rule the galaxy as father and son'. What he was willing to settle for was Luke supplanting him as Darth Sidious' apprentice. He only turned on his master once it became clear that the emperor would kill his son.

"Now, are we going to negotiate or have a shootout?" Xander asked, looking at Teal'c.

"Teal'c." O'Neill said.

The big man's jaw muscles twitched fiercely but he did put up his weapon.

"That's not Earth made is it? Is it alien technology?" Xander asked.

"It's Goa'uld." Samantha Carter confirmed.

"May I see it?" Xander asked.

O'Neill didn't like giving up weaponry like that but Daniel had a point, they had no reason to kill them and they weren't exactly outnumbered by much here. He nodded to Teal'c. The staff weapon suddenly flew sideways to Vader causing him and Sam to snap their weapons up. But the stormtroopers didn't react this time. Nor did Vader as he inspected the weapon. Quickly finding the catch that opened the 'mouth' of the weapon. He aimed it at the ceiling and fired.

"Interesting. Energized plasma. Quite the hand cannon." said Xander before gently floating the staff back to Teal'c. "And you, since you carry that and have an interesting tattoo, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're an alien? But you're familiar with Star Wars?"

Teal'c didn't respond so Daniel jumped in. "Teal'c is a Jaffa. His race has been enslaved by the Goa'uld. But Teal'c here chose to join our cause several years ago and has been helping us fight the Goa'uld ever since. He's a big fan of the Star Wars movies."

Xander clenched his fist at the mention of slavery. "I used to be. If I could do it over, I think I'd have gone as Han and gotten the Millennium Falcon." he sighed. "What is it you want from us?"

"Well, for starters, the existence of aliens is still Top Secret. We'd like you to move your ship away from Earth, please. At least to the dark side of the moon." O'Neill asked politely.

"I suppose seeing Darth Vader's ship in orbit might cause people to worry." Xander nodded. "Then again, imagine me like this in a news conference telling people that aliens are real." He laughed, it was painful and a little strained. "I don't agree with keeping something like this secret forever, but I'll comply for now. Men, begin moving us behind the moon. Anything else?" The stormtroopers and several droids Xander had already reprogrammed went to chairs along the walls to begin moving the ship.

"Well, that was the big thing for today. We needed to get that done before the cloud cover broke." O'Neill couldn't believe they'd gotten exactly what they needed just by asking politely. From Darth Vader of all people. "Long term, we were hoping you'd share some technology with us that would help us defeat the Goa'uld." He could feel a slight shudder as the ship began to move.

"No." Xander said.

O'Neill tried to hide his wince. Advanced civilization were never willing to share.

"Not until the truth about aliens has been shared with the world." Xander finished.

"It would cause massive, worldwide panic." Carter insisted.

"Perhaps. But people will surprise you. Telling them there is someone 'out there' for them to fight is often a good way to unite them." Xander stated. "Let me tell you what I want and then we shall see if we can help each other. I want to fight these Goa'uld. I detest slavery in every form. However, as you can see, I'm a little short staffed at the moment." he waved at the 3 and a half storm troopers in the room.

"Let's just say we were willing and able to help you with that. How many men would you need?" O'Neill led.

"In the Empire, the number of men assigned to this ship was designated as an army group. Over 350,000 men. The Force allows me to compensate for many more men than you would believe, but really we should have at least 50,000 men just to run everything smoothly. Bet even then, we'd have to tie some gun emplacements together in order to free men up to fly the fighters." Xander informed them. "There's no way I could go to war with less than 250,000 men. Not counting a separate group of 30,000 that would be needed to mine the asteroid belt for fuel."

"280,000. Is that all?" O'Neill joked.

"Luckily the ship came supplied with foodstuffs to feed a full crew for three years." Xander was purposely overestimating the men he'd need and understating the supplies they had. "I have a proposal for you. I need 400,000 people. Not all of them have to be soldiers, just able to follow orders. After training, I will take them for a three year tour to fight the Goa'uld and keep them supplied myself. You will have three years to tell the world about aliens and to produce the supplies to resupply my ship for its next tour.

"In return, you'll get not only a powerful ally against the Goa'uld. But after three years, you'll get plans and examples of everything but my most powerful weapons. And you'll get people experienced in their use and repair. Anyone who doesn't re-enlist." Xander finished his overture.

"That's an interesting offer." Jack said cautiously.

"Well, think it over. I could always go to some other countries if you say 'no'. English speakers would be nice, but the droids could teach us Russian or Chinese in a couple weeks." it was a threat. Take the offer or your enemies will.

"We've reached the dark side of the moon, sir." Jon said from his console.

"Wonderful. If you wouldn't mind escorting our guests back to their shuttle." Xander ordered as SG-1 was led back to their ship. Once the team from Earth had cleared the bridge, he ordered prob droids to be sent to every corner of the solar system to detect any invader as well as possible mineral content of each of the planets. He also programmed one probe to follow the shuttle back to Earth before disengaging in the upper atmosphere. Once they were off, he headed to his hyperbaric meditation chamber. He knew it was the only place he could take this mask off.

A/N: Xander's thoughts on the prequels are what really happened... From a certain point of view. Slight differences from Prequel canon.

A/N: Who do you think of when you think of scary, bald, black guy? Samuel L. Jackson. Do not own.