Chapter 12: Be careful what you wish for
The journey felt impossibly long despite being a four day trip. Azula's eagerness to see Katara warred with her vague worries about what her reception would be. The only reprieve Azula took was Iroh's company, and she was able to monopolize his time because Ursa remained in a drugged stupor to ward off her seasickness. It was contradictory to Azula that someone from a land that touted the strongest navy in the world could be seasick.
She and Iroh wandered above decks and below, played cards, and Azula suffered his digs through a Pai Sho game. He coaxed her to sing every day, and they were both pleased that her voice remained strong despite the break she'd taken during her trip for the rice operation.
Azula maintained that music was highly overrated by the teachers at the Royal Academy, but she'd gained a new personal appreciation for it. Singing was the only thing that had expanded her vocal range and erased most of the hoarseness that was a result of her injury. She would never have the same smooth voice, but she didn't croak out her words anymore. Iroh had sat with her every day with his pipa and turned what was a painful, slowly-progressing chore into something enjoyable, especially when they'd progressed to songs. Iroh knew every ribald song ever sung by a Fire Nation soldier, far more than Azula had ever been exposed to. Soldiers weren't particularly creative with their rhyming words: cock, rock, balls, tall, et cetera, but they managed to string the same tired words into very interesting songs.
Iroh and Azula now played an old favorite: 'The Earthbender Cock'. During the first verse, they were interrupted by an unhappy groan.
"Oh, please stop! Every time you play that you completely ruin that old children's song."
Iroh settled his pipa into his lap. They both watched Ursa stagger out of the neighboring room. She was pale in a mossy way, and Iroh looked up at her in worry. "Ursa, you need to take your medicine."
"I've been asleep for four days from taking my medicine. It makes me loopy." Ursa groaned as she sat down and leaned against his shoulder. "Why did I agree to this?"
"We could have ordered an airship," Azula said with some glee. That earned a gentle glare from Iroh. Ursa just turned a little greener. Azula continued on the earlier topic, "Isn't music a key part of a young woman's education?"
"Apparently it was never a key part of yours." Ursa smiled tiredly. "I'm happy you can sing again, but I wish you would choose songs more appropriate for company. Not that I'm surprised. When you want to fail at something, you fail miserably."
"But of course. What's the point of failing without it being a catastrophic failure?"
Ursa turned to Iroh and poked him in the chest. "Your daughter is infuriating."
"She didn't get it from me," Iroh said innocently. Ursa finally noticed the cold lunch spread across the table in the corner and lurched to her feet. She staggered to the cabin's adjoining room, but even with that separation the sound of retching was unpleasant. Iroh heaved a sigh and motioned Azula out.
In her neighboring cabin, Azula pulled on warm clothes and made her way through the narrow halls onto the deck, once again startled by how strange their surroundings were. She'd seen sketches and paintings and read firsthand accounts. Nothing prepared her for the vast brilliancy of white and blue. And the cold. And the water. It was even more than the open seas: water was in the sky, the sea, and it covered the land.
How could Katara ever bring herself to leave this place?
The change in scenery hadn't been gradual. After they'd steamed past the southwestern edges of what had been the Air Nomad's territory a century ago, they'd pushed into dark, open seas. The ice came almost all at once the day before: small patches on the ocean and great icebergs that the steamer was careful to avoid.
There had been a whale too. Like everything Azula had seen so far, it was massive, beautiful, and alien. It was nearly the length of their steamer, long and gray. There were dolphins that lived in the Fire Nation seas, but nothing as large as that whale. It had swum alongside the ship almost curiously before it turned 'round and continued on to wherever it was going. It was too big and too far west to be the kind that Katara's people hunted.
Now Azula studied a great slab of ice that floated several hundred meters off their starboard side. She'd never realized ice could be so many colors; it was a far cry from the ice that graced her cool drinks in the Fire Nation. The iceberg was white, deep blue, and foamy green. It, like most everything she'd seen in the last day, was enormous; the bit she saw above water was nothing close to its entire mass.
It was all so clean on her eyes.
Iroh stepped up to the rail beside her. Like Azula, he'd traded cool silks for fur-lined leather, but as a talented firebender he could heatbend to keep himself warm. He asked her, "You didn't expect it to be this beautiful, did you?"
"Who could have expected this?" Her words condensed in a cloud of white. The air was both dry and impossibly cold. It was sharp down her throat and in her lungs, but she didn't feel badly affected. It took some getting used to. What bothered her more was the indignity of a runny nose.
They stood side by side on deck in the freezing air and watched the ship gradually pass a high jutting lip of land and ice that thrust up in the vague approximation of a spade. The glacial ice had a peculiar pattern of blue and white striations. The bank around the particular wall of ice had been sketched more than once as the appropriate entry point for a ship to pass into the large bay where the Southern Water Tribe was nestled. After almost four days at sea, they were within reach of Katara's home.
Azula's throat was tight, but she knew it had more to do with emotion than the cold air.
Snow began to fall from the gray sky. She looked upward in surprise and held out her hand. Small specks of icy snow settled into her hand and stuck to the material of her glove. It fell in cold flecks against her cheeks and immediately melted. Azula had read about snow, and she'd assumed it would be closer to the hail some thunderstorms dropped on Capital City.
Iroh began to laugh, most likely at her.
She stood at the railing and watched even after Iroh left her to check on Ursa again. Azula saw the smoke before she could make out the tiny village that comprised the Southern Water Tribe. The settlement sat perhaps five hundred meters off of the dark bay waters on ice and snow. It was smaller and poorer than Azula had imagined. As they drew closer, she saw many of buildings were made of ice, and there were almost as many tents as igloos. At most, there were thirty hovels. Figures clad in blue fur-lined parkas stood on the ice close to the bay, watching the Fire Nation ship steam into view.
It took almost half an hour for the sailors and a few members of the Southern Water Tribe on the shore to carefully guide the steamer alongside the tall ice and anchor the ship firmly there. In that time, Ursa and Iroh emerged into the cold air. Ursa was pale, but she's lost the mossy hint of her skin. By her dopey smile, she'd taken another dose of antiemetic medication. Ursa smiled happily and took Azula's hand to give it a squeeze. She gasped, "Oh, it's pretty! And cold."
Only Azula's mother would be medicated out of her mind right before she would meet Katara's people.
When the plank finally dropped, Azula was the first person to step off of the ship onto the icy snow that served as land here. It crunched and squeaked beneath her boots in a way that made her want to grind her teeth. She'd never imagined that. She'd have to get used to it quickly. Azula entertained the humorous thought of bringing a royal palanquin just to save herself the sensation.
Azula looked for Katara among the group of parka-clad people chatting with the sailors that had disembarked after her. The Water Tribe members talked with the sailors as if they knew them. Likely they did. Azula paid this ship and its crew to make the trip every few months to the South Pole with supplies they could trade for Southern Water Tribe goods. Captain Lee would have hemorrhaged money from these trips, but Azula made up the difference.
A few of the Southern Water Tribe people were watching her openly, but there was no hostility, only curiosity. Katara wasn't among them. It wasn't a great surprise, but it was still a disappointment. Katara probably didn't have time to watch the ship that customarily steamed into the South Pole every month or two. She wouldn't know that Azula was on this ship; all of Azula's letters came on the same ship she did.
Azula wondered vaguely if any of these people looked at her and still saw their enemy. Maybe they didn't realize who she was; she had made it a point to tell the sailor attending her during the trip to forgo her topknot.
The person that approached her from the crowd of curious villagers was not the one Azula so wished to see. Azula could guess who this dignified old woman must be: Kanna, who had raised Katara and Sokka. She hadn't given much thought to how she would greet Katara's family, but Azula knew she needed to make a good impression especially with this woman—not as the Princess of the Fire Nation, but as her granddaughter's lover.
She put her fist against her open palm and gave a full formal bow to Katara's grandmother. As royalty, it was the highest honor that she could pay to another person. She signified Kanna was her equal and deserved Azula's respect. If she'd been any less of station than she was, she would have placed her fist below her palm, but doing that as royalty would turn this gesture into a sarcastic insult.
Behind her, Ursa gave an audible gasp. It was the first time she'd seen Azula bow to anyone. In fact, it was the first time Azula had bowed since Iroh had visited her in prison.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Kanna. I'm Azula." Her name sounded so empty without her title.
The wrinkles of Kanna's lined face deepened with her smile. "Save the formalities for my son." The old woman stepped right up to Azula, wrapped her arms around Azula's neck, and drew her down into a close hug. Azula's face was mashed into the thick, soft fur of Kanna's hood. "You're exactly as Katara described. It's about time you've come."
Was this was a good or a bad start? Kanna continued, "And call me Gran Gran."
Azula wasn't sure she would be able to force the words from her lips. Kanna laughed gently in reply to the look on Azula's face and stepped back to pat her cheek with a cold touch of mitten. That was an overly familiar gesture that she was powerless to protest. Kanna turned to Iroh and Ursa, who were both looking at Azula with unnerving surprise.
She remembered herself to say, "May I present my mother and father, Ursa and Iroh. This is Kanna, Katara's paternal grandmother."
Kanna pressed their hands. She motioned. "My husband has spoken of you, Iroh. And my granddaughter has spoken of you, Ursa. Welcome to the South Pole. Come."
Kanna had a no-nonsense way about her that Azula appreciated, but it made her hard to judge. Azula couldn't tell from the strange meeting if she'd made a good or bad impression, and that made her uneasy.
As they followed Kanna into the quiet village, most of the tribe stayed on the ice where they helped unload supplies from the steamer. Shouts and laughter broke out among the sailors and villagers, and Azula was glad that the steamer was well received.
They walked through a wide gap in the tall ice-wall that ringed the village. The wall had the marks of a waterbender construction: it was straight, sat at a uniform width and height, and was perfectly round except for a few out-pouches that might have been crafted to allow another dwelling to sit in its perimeter. The huts of the village were impossibly small. There weren't any official streets, but the snow on the ground was well packed from constant foot traffic.
It was all very clean, despite the certain poverty of the small settlement.
They passed a group of parka-clad children sitting in a ring around a young woman who seemed to be conducting a lesson. Most of the children turned to stare curiously. There were a dozen of them, and most looked younger than ten years old. A few of them smiled and waved in the unassuming way of children.
Kanna led them into a small building—a round igloo?—at the inland perimeter of the ice wall. When Azula stooped to enter, she knew at once it was Katara's dwelling. It was filled with her scent and gave Azula a sharp burst of longing and comfort.
Though the outside had been made of ice, its interior was constructed mainly of wood and was lined with various animal pelts. It was noticeably warmer than the exterior, but their breaths still condensed in the air. Hanging securely from the low ceiling was a lit Fire Nation oil lamp that brightened the hut when Kanna raised the wick.
The hut was tiny…tinier than Azula's smallest room in the Royal Palace of the Fire Nation. The four of them barely fit inside. Though it was small, it was undoubtedly a home. Azula would never have guessed all the aspects of a functional home could fit in one room, but Katara seemed to manage.
Small bits and pieces displayed the tastes and joys of its owner. A comb made of what Azula guessed was bone sat on a closed chest by the rounded wall. A half-finished beaded braid of leather lay beside the comb. A few old tea tins littered the storage containers tucked into the edges of the hut, and a card from Zuko's wedding had been clipped onto a pelt on the wall. There was even a little water painting of their bearded cat, Tonk, hanging on one of the curved support beams. Azula had painted it herself years ago while she was being useless on Ember Island. She would have taken more care with it had she known Katara would display it here.
Kanna bent to stir the warm coals in the pit in the center of the hut. Azula's breath caught at the sight of the Fire Nation teapot that Kanna set in the fire pit. It was one that had gone missing from the Ember Island estate years ago. She would enjoy ribbing Katara about that particular thievery.
Her eyes caught another glimpse of Fire Nation. A curl of crimson silk was tangled in the pile of furs and blankets haphazardly shoved into the shallow edge of the hut. She knew what it was immediately: her own sleeping robe, lost a few months ago in the chaos that always surrounded Katara leaving her household. Katara had taken it on purpose. She kept it in her bed.
Azula's eyes stung, and she felt a wave of longing so great she nearly had to leave the confines of the hut. Another assurance that there was no other lover here. There was no reason for her worries that Katara meant to leave her.
Kanna saw where she was looking; her voice held mild reproach. "She's missed you."
Azula couldn't speak past the lump in her throat. She cleared it and nodded in acknowledgement. Ursa reached out to pat her hand.
"Forgive me for not hosting you in my hut," the old woman said quietly as they waited for the tea to steep. "It's a bit larger than Katara's. My husband is ill, and I'm afraid strangers would upset him."
"My condolences." Azula cleared her throat to erase the thickness that remained in her voice and didn't quite manage. "Katara told me of Master Pakku's illness. A royal physician came with me. I know firsthand that Katara is the best there is, but perhaps he can offer a new perspective."
Kanna's eyes went watery. Her smile was tight. "Thank you, Azula. That's very kind of you. Katara has spoken highly on your doctors." In the silence that followed, she busied herself with pouring them tea. It was weak and bitter, but it was warm. Ursa and Iroh both winced but didn't remark. Azula's teacup had a chip along one edge. She'd never drunk from a broken cup before. It served its purpose.
"If I may, Kanna, I would like to speak with Pakku," Iroh said.
Kanna nodded slowly. "Tonight, perhaps. He does better in the evenings. I'll let you know." She regarded her tea for a moment and then gathered a smile. "We didn't expect the trade ship so soon. Katara and my son are out on the whaling kayak. They caught sight of a whale this morning. Perhaps your coming has turned our luck. Perhaps it's the Uma's new baby. Babies are always good fortune."
Azula hoped Kanna's words were given at face-value. She didn't need any more pressure about that particular impossibility. Ursa sensed she had an ally. "I keep telling Azula that she and Katara need to think about settling down and having children. They're both at that age." She sniffed in high dignity. "My daughter thinks children are inconvenient."
It was one thing for her mother to think she was completely opposed; it was another for Kanna to get the wrong idea. There was no doubt in her mind that family was integral to this woman. For the first time, Azula defended, "It's the getting of the child that's the inconvenience."
"Is that so?" Kanna cocked her head and studied Azula intently. That long look spooked Azula. She jumped when someone knocked heavily on the wooden support of the door. "A whale!" that person said and was gone.
Kanna smiled deeply; her shoulders shifted in relief. "That was quick for a whale hunt; they must have been blessed on the kayak. Come, it's bad luck to miss the whale haul."
They ducked out of Katara's hut after Kanna cleaned up their tea and lowered the wick on the oil lamp. The village wasn't deserted anymore. People of all ages were ducking into and out of their homes to retrieve various deadly looking tools. They rushed, jogging in and out of the village. A young man accidentally clipped Azula's elbow with his hand, and he shouted a quick apology over his shoulder. Her eyes followed him in surprise. It hadn't been a rude gesture, and…she certainly wasn't his Royal Princess. After only a few moments of chaos, everyone seemed to be back out on the bay ice.
Why was she standing here like an idiot? The whale had brought Katara. Azula hastened to follow. Her step was hurried and her stride was long. In her rush she'd left the others behind. Azula stopped to look over her shoulder at her parents and Kanna, who were slowly walking behind her. Kanna smiled and shooed her with both hands.
There was no dignity worth taking her time; Azula strode past the ice wall and onto the packed snow and ice of the South Pole shore. Despite her singular purpose, she had to pause to take in the scene before her.
On its side at the edge of the ice was a kayak made of pale leather and wood—umak in the old tongue—probably made the same way for centuries. It was perhaps ten meters in length. It had no sail because it was propelled by paddles or waterbending. This kayak had been abandoned in the face of the whale haul.
All the villagers who had been rushing so much before now stood and waited, and Azula looked to what had taken their attention.
Floating in the bay was a huge dark body. Four waterbenders—two of which were clearly children—stood at the edge of the ice and moved in graceful synchrony, lifting and sweeping their arms as they pivoted their hips. They commanded a rolling wave, and the whale was borne onto the ice. It was enormous and ungainly and very beautiful.
Azula had seen a few paintings and sketches, each with its own representation of a whale. This one had a wide horizontal pelvic fin—flukes, taxonomists called it—and its dorsal fin didn't seem to exist at all from her angle. The flippers that jutted from its belly were blunted and short compared to its length. Unlike the whale that she'd seen on the journey here, this one was nearly black.
Its great blunt head seemed almost entirely lower jaw, and the rostral tip of that jaw was paler than the darkness of the rest of its hide. In the open curve of its mouth she saw long, stiff bristles instead of teeth. It was baleen, the same material that men in other nations called whalebone. Noblewomen of the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom paid a fortune to carry parasols fashioned from it. One elitist bicycle company used whalebone for the spokes of its wheels. Worldwide, archers coveted rarely made expensive whalebone reinforced bows. What would Katara's people use it for?
The villagers shouted and laughed as they watched the whale settle on the ice, and the smallest children sang a coordinated song about a whale as they ran between the adults. Just knowing they had this resource seemed to breathe new life into the quiet crowd that had watched the Fire Nation ship steam into their bay.
Azula finally understood for herself what this meant. A whale. A giant creature, full of meat and fat and sinew and bone. They could build a house out of its skeleton and eat on its flesh for months.
The waterbender who had led the dance to bring this whale ashore turned her head towards the Fire Nation steamship. She moved quickly towards the ship, and Azula knew from her walk that it was Katara. Azula tried to intercept her path but was too emotional to call out. She broke into a jog, slipped on a naked patch of ice, and had to slow her stride so she wouldn't break her neck before she held Katara in her arms again.
Katara had jogged up the ramp onto the ship and hailed a crew member by the time Azula caught up to her. She heard Katara say, "You're early! Are there letters for me, Lin? Nukkuk said something about a big package."
"A big stack of letters," the man replied with a grin. "And something else you might like better."
He caught sight of Azula and bowed just as she placed her hand on Katara's shoulder. Katara turned in question. Her expression shifted into shock. That shock almost immediately melted into a tearful smile.
"You came!"
Katara threw her arms around Azula, and Azula seized her by the waist, holding her tight. The soft furs that lined Katara's hood tickled Azula's cheek. She nuzzled closer and breathed deeply to take in Katara's earthy scent. And here, in this alien place, she was home again. Every worry and negative thought washed away in her relief and pleasure. Azula pulled Katara closer and took another deep breath.
Katara drew back just enough to pull Azula into a series of small kisses—across her lips, her brow, her cheeks. She put her covered hands on Azula's cheeks. In between her small kisses, she said, "Today is a very good day."
"That's an understatement," Azula mumbled back, fighting tears. As joyful as this reunion was, she knew she couldn't take another long separation. They would figure something out...later, when Azula could think again.
Now they were grounded enough in each other's presence to fall into a deep kiss that was completely inappropriate for the public. Azula didn't give a damn. She relearned the taste and texture and shape of Katara's mouth, and Katara gasped. When she pulled away, Katara made a noise like it hurt her. "I've got to help with the whale." After another long kiss, her eyes remained on Azula's lips. "And then…"
"I can help." Azula offered a smile. "I've butchered a stoat hare before."
That silly statement triggered laughter. Katara looked exhausted now that Azula could study her face. No wonder, if things were as stressful as they'd seemed in her letter. Azula wanted to ease her burden in any way she could, even if it was only with a smile.
"I'm sure you can—because a stoat hare is so similar to a whale. But your valuable help isn't going to get me into bed any faster." Katara took Azula's gloved hand as they walked down the grated metal plank back onto the ice. "You need better clothes."
"It is chilly down here." Azula's ears and nose had already gone numb in the cold. She hoped this place wasn't commonly windy or those important appendages might break off before they returned to the Fire Nation. Being a princess without ears would be undignified.
"How did you figure that one out?"
Azula seized Katara by the waist and pulled her back to steal a kiss. Katara beat at her with her big, soft mittens and laughed. Azula got one last kiss for her efforts, and then she let Katara go. It was easier knowing they would sleep in the same bed tonight. It was easier just knowing they were on the same continent again. A weight lifted from Azula's shoulders, and she could finally appreciate what an opportunity this trip could be.
After Azula watched Katara walk back towards the baleen whale, she looked for a better vantage point to no avail. The ice was uniformly flat. She wanted to observe the beginning of the whale butchering and catalogue all the different jobs shared by the villagers. Azula itched to participate in what seemed a unique experience.
Several men and women had climbed onto the curve of the whale's body with pike-like knives. Some adults were sharpening smaller knives; others were waiting with hooks attached to rope. Even the children seemed to have a task, dispersing tools or waiting by an adult.
Iroh, Ursa, and Kanna stood conversing across the whale. Ursa saw her watching them and smiled—clearly still feeling the effects of her antiemetic—before her attention turned back to Katara's grandmother. Azula wondered what they were talking about. A man in a dark parka approached them, spoke with Kanna briefly, and turned towards Azula. His sharp eyes met hers across the ice; he began to walk towards her with a thunderous scowl. She could take a gander at who he was.
Katara was in conference with a few women standing near the whale's head. She drew Azula's attention with her smile; Azula was powerless to do anything but return that smile. In that moment, every one of the women looked over at Azula and also smiled. It was eerie, despite the kind expressions. Katara turned from them and walked towards her almost sheepishly.
Surely they couldn't protest Azula's presence, not after those smiles. "What is it?"
"I've been banished for a few hours," Katara said. Her cheeks were pink but by her tone it wasn't from the cold. "To rest."
Azula glanced over at the group of giggling women. She looked back at Katara; her grin slowly spread. She liked these people. "Am I right to assume 'resting' is a euphemism for something much more strenuous and enjoyable?"
Katara's face flushed further; she smiled almost shyly. She seized Azula's hand to drag her into the village. Across the ice, the man—surely it was the infamous disapproving Hakoda—saw this and stopped his approach. A reprieve. Azula would much rather 'rest' with Katara than brave his doubtless inane protests.
Katara nearly yanked her arm off in her hurry to get them back to the village. Azula squeezed Katara's hand to slow her as they rapidly approached the ice wall. She was eager too, but she wasn't as steady on the ice and snow as Katara.
"Your grandmother served us tea in your hut."
Katara glanced over her shoulder. "So you've seen my hut?"
"I noticed the tea set she served it on," Azula continued haughtily.
"It's a really sturdy set." Katara didn't even sound contrite. She waved at a young woman who was jogging out of the village. The girl looked at Azula in undisguised curiosity. Azula offered what she hoped was a polite smile, and the girl began to giggle. Azula had assumed these people would hate her, but apparently she was closer to a comic relief than an evil Fire Nation Princess. Maybe her ears had already broken off and she'd just failed to notice.
When they arrived in front of Katara's hut, Azula said, "And I noticed my missing robe."
"It smelled like you for a little while." Katara looked up at Azula framed in the low doorway to her hut. There was no teasing in Katara's reply, only quiet want. That desire was plain on her face, and Azula was powerless under that gaze. She swallowed and followed quickly. She didn't want to waste a single minute.
Their clothes scattered haphazardly across the hut. Azula had to rescue one of her gloves from the fire pit when it started to smoke. A stack of poles in the corner clattered to the floor, caught up in Katara's heavy parka jacket. It was a wonder they didn't knock down the lamp and set the whole hut on fire. They laughed at their rush and continued undressing at a less dangerous pace.
There was something heady about sliding into Katara's bedroll. It was little more than a pile of furs, but the pelts were soft and smelled of Katara: her musk, her skin, and her sweat. After they strained together in their first frantic joining, Katara rolled on top of Azula with a triumphant smile. "I won't need a robe to smell you anymore. I've dreamed of fucking you here, in my hut, in my furs for years."
Azula opened her legs in surrender. She loved it when Katara talked about 'fucking' her. "Who am I to stand in the way of your dreams?"
The statement earned a gentle slap to the forehead and a giggle. And then Katara bent her head and set to her task with hunger. She was gentle, but she refused to stop until Azula couldn't stand the stimulation any longer. Then triumphant from the pleasure she'd just given, Katara rocked against Azula's thigh to find her own release.
Azula watched with one pale hand on the beautiful brown curve of Katara's breast and the other on her hip. She reveled in the flex of muscles beneath Katara's skin and Katara's wet silky heat against her leg. Katara's hair tumbled wildly over her shoulders. Her only modesty was her necklace. Her mouth curved in a triumphant smile, and her eyes were so bright blue, staring unabashedly into Azula's eyes. Like this, when Katara took her own pleasure so fiercely, she was a queen. She owned Azula, and she knew it. She could own the entire world if they could see her like this.
Despite her exhaustion, Azula reached between her own legs. Katara moaned as she watched, and then her eyes turned back to Azula's. Her next words were a command: "Make yourself come, baby." It didn't take much to obey, and Katara gasped and trembled in orgasm with her.
They sagged against each other, exhausted and happy. The hut was much cooler than Azula was used to, especially on her sweaty skin, but she was warmed on one side by the certain presence of the smoldering coals in the fire pit. Katara snuggled comfortably against her other side.
She'd needed this so much: holding Katara in her arms again. Azula would enjoy this until Katara returned to help with the whale. And she would be able to hold Katara like this tonight and the next night and the next.
"Let me see your neck."
It wasn't an unexpected demand, as much as Azula didn't care for Katara falling into this role while they were in bed.
"You saw it earlier. Your mouth left a bruising reminder on it already." Despite her teasing, Azula leaned her head back in compliance. Katara traced her fingers over the scar just below Azula's larynx. She wasn't gentle; it was the healer in her. Katara probed with stiff fingers, prompting Azula to cough in reflex. "Again," Katara demanded. Azula produced another dry cough.
Katara massaged the muscle that sat alongside Azula's spine to palpate the exit scar. Her fingers pushed deep as they probed, and Azula rotated her neck before Katara could request it. Her consort made a soft noise of approval. Finally, Katara cupped her hands over Azula's neck and concentrated as her eyes focused elsewhere. What she felt seemed to put her at ease.
She went through a similar process when she felt for the scar along Azula's right rib cage. She was gentler there, but her fingers still caused Azula to jerk in ticklishness. Katara settled back against Azula's shoulder and asked, "Any pain?"
"Sometimes with exertion. Usually only when I'm expecting it," Azula admitted. "So it's likely mental."
"Don't ignore your body's limits." That was a mild rebuke coming from Katara. Her thumb now gently rubbed the scar below Azula's right breast. "Are you taking your pain medicine?"
"Only at night if I need it."
Katara sighed, pointedly silent about her often voiced opinion that Azula chose to medicate herself too rarely. Azula could recite by heart her argument: the opiate extract was specific for the antitussive effects and had little remainder of the addictive qualities of the drug Earth Kingdom nobles like to smoke. Azula's reply would be that she'd rather not need it at all.
Azula didn't want to talk about her health. Katara was her consort, not her healer. "Tell me about the hunt."
"Which hunt?"
"Any whale hunt. How do you kill an animal that large?" Katara didn't often speak of the customs specific to her home. Azula planned to fill in all the gaps in her knowledge during this trip. She was a jealous lover. She coveted every bit of knowledge about Katara she didn't know, and she hadn't realized just how ignorant she was.
Katara was silent for a beat. "The only time I threw the spear was when Pakku was still well enough to guide the kayak. We paddled for hours, tracking each time the whale came up to breathe. It was so exciting, the anticipation of it. I was the hunter, and I was going to make a kill, a good kill, for our tribe.
"I stood at the bow of the kayak and had the spear up. The whale came up right beside the kayak. I looked into its eye. All that thrill washed right out of me. When it looked at me, I knew it was giving itself to me; I wasn't taking it. That's why throwing the spear is such a privilege. It isn't about landing the whale; it's about making the death an easy one." She shook her head. "I'll never forget that moment."
"Will you throw the spear again?"
Katara shook her head again. "It made me too sad. I like guiding the boat better. I'm still a part of it, but it's easier. They need me more at the back of the boat anyway, at least until we get another Master Waterbender."
Such a gentle woman, even as fierce as she could be with her loyalties and her temper. Azula stroked her back, kissed her hair, and asked, "Why isn't there another trained waterbender living here?"
Katara shifted her face in a moue against Azula's skin. "It's a weird situation. I was the only waterbender from the South Pole during the war. There was one really promising boy, but his parents sent him to the North Pole to train with the masters there full time. He's probably not coming back." Katara's tone suggested it was an old wound.
"Does the Northern Water Tribe not send you pupils?"
"Part of that's my fault. I get a letter every few years from someone who wants to move here so I can train them…"
"And you decline?" Azula was surprised to hear that.
Katara's voice had taken an oddly defensive tone. "It's not fair to them. I have so much work here. I don't have enough time to be a full time teacher, and I know I'll leave at least twice a year for the Fire Nation. And the South Pole is such a small place compared to the North Pole. Really small. Pakku didn't mind because Gran Gran's here, but Noakka's been homesick…" Katara's voice trailed off. Her voice went thick. "He was homesick since he came with Pakku."
"I'm sorry you lost him like that."
Katara sighed. "So am I. He could make me so mad, but he was a good man."
"Why haven't you requested aid from the North Pole before this?"
The defensive tone was back. "It's so different here. They can't just be a teacher or a healer. They have to be a teacher, healer, hunter, gatherer, crafter, and midwife. And a new person means a new mouth to feed and a new hut to put up and a new pocket in the ice wall. It didn't seem worth the effort so long as Noakka was here."
Azula read between the lines and drew her own conclusion: Katara liked to take the burdens of the world on her shoulders. She wanted the best for her people, and no one would ever measure up to that. "And you have trust issues," Azula said gently.
Katara sat up; her face had hardened in defensiveness. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Hoping to ward off anger, Azula touched Katara's cheek and met her eyes in a long look. Clearly Katara already knew for herself, but she didn't want to admit it. Katara looked at Azula now, and her anger shifted into sheepish admission. Her lips pursed and her shoulders drooped. When she settled back on Azula's shoulder, she traced a finger across Azula's collarbone.
After a moment, Katara admitted, "You're right. I probably created this situation. I just didn't want to have to take the time to assimilate another waterbender here just for them to leave in a few months because they couldn't handle the work. Nema, she's my best waterbender student, can do small tasks, but she hasn't picked up healing. She is ready to steer the kayak for a whale hunt. I want to make sure we get two, but I've got to step back and let her steer the last one herself. I just worry… It's so hard to let go."
Azula looked up at the arched wooden frame of the low ceiling. She took a long breath and drew her lover closer. Unexpectedly, Katara sat up and placed her hands on Azula's chest. "Again," she said quietly, her eyes wide but her face frozen in concentration.
Azula took a big, clear breath. Katara looked at her with tears in her eyes; she was smiling now. "I was so scared for you. But you've completely recovered."
Azula was willing to accept this diversion. "Because of you."
Scar tissue should have permanently limited her recovery. Ling, the royal physician, was still boggled by the fact that Katara had managed to ward off so much natural fibrosis and scarring in her lungs and her larynx. While Katara's waterbending healing couldn't address the deep infection that had plagued Azula's lungs for months, she had healed the physical damage remarkably. It had just been up to Azula to recondition her body, and she was happy that the steps she'd taken made Katara happy.
"It was so hard. Healing you hurt you, but I had to do it."
"I never blamed you."
"I know," Katara said quietly.
Azula knew that tone of voice well, and she didn't like it. She sat up and framed Katara's face in her hands and spoke the first sentences she'd managed to string together after she'd regained her voice. "You didn't shoot those arrows. Those arrows weren't meant for you. And you couldn't have stopped them. No guilt."
Katara looked her in the eye and nodded firmly. "No guilt," she echoed soberly. It had taken years, but she finally meant it. They settled back down into the furs. After a few minutes of quiet, Azula said, "You're tired."
"Very," Katara admitted quietly. "I'm so glad you're here. So glad."
"I am too; I've missed you." Missed her so much despite how busy she'd been. Azula thought of the letter that had started her journey. "I brought Ling's assistant. And supplies. Food, medicine, building materials."
Katara stiffened, always so proud. "You didn't have to do that."
"Katara," she chided.
Katara met Azula's eyes. Her defensiveness slipped away. She relaxed and leaned up to kiss Azula. "I meant… Thank you. I love you, whether you're here or not and whether or not you bring help. We would have made it…but it'll be easier now."
It was a truce, one that had probably stung Katara's considerable pride. Azula offered a smile and a diversion. "I brought my parents too. They brought themselves, actually. My mother has been alternating a drugged stupor and violent vomiting for four days. I haven't a clue why she braved the high seas to come."
"They're here?! Why didn't you say something? I should have greeted them."
Katara's face had flushed, and Azula guessed the source of her embarrassment. "I'm fairly certain they know we have sex."
"Oh no… Don't say that!" Katara groaned at the thought.
Azula smirked at Katara's modesty. She chose not to voice the thought that probably every adult on the continent knew that was what they'd been doing in this hut. Instead she said, "I'm sure your grandmother has been keeping them occupied."
"What did you think of Gran Gran?" Katara's chest expanded in Azula's arms; she didn't release her breath. Her eyes fixed to Azula's, and her face shifted into a hopeful look. Clearly Katara wanted Azula to like her family as much as Azula hoped they would accept her.
"You take after her," Azula replied. It was the highest compliment she could pay, and it garnered a soft smile from Katara. There was one matter Azula wasn't sure of. "She won't be upset if I call her 'Kanna', will she?"
"She told you to call her 'Gran Gran', didn't she?"
Azula licked her lips and tried it out. "Gran Gran," she enunciated carefully.
Katara burst into laughter.
"It's not nice to laugh at your consort."
"Doofus. I can't believe someone who says 'fuddy-duddy' can't say 'Gran Gran'." She leaned down to kiss Azula. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Katara sighed and gave her another long kiss. "I should get up." She sighed against Azula's lips again. "I'm getting up. Right now." She did sit up and stretch, but she didn't go any further. The muscles along her back tightened deliciously. Azula couldn't resist brushing aside Katara's hair to run her palm down the muscles that framed Katara's spine. She was a shapely woman, but she was well-muscled. Azula loved the contrast.
There was a new small scar on Katara's hip. Azula let her hand slide across Katara's side to trace it with her finger. "How did this happen?"
Katara caught her fingers and adopted a dismissive tone. "Oh, it's nothing."
"You're lying," Azula challenged. She sensed embarrassment and smirked. Katara pulled a face and admitted, "I may have hooked myself with a fishing hook."
Azula laughed. Katara smacked her lightly on the head, and Azula kissed the offending hand. "All this abuse!"
"Would you rather I tickle you?"
Azula raised her hands in surrender. Katara smirked smugly as she got up to collect their clothing from the edges of the room. She bit her lip and glanced at Azula judgingly. "I made you a parka. In case you came."
Azula took the heavy bundle that Katara gave her. She separated the pieces carefully, surprised that Katara had had the time or energy to actually make her clothing. She was further surprised by the quality of the clothing in her hands.
The mid-calf sealskin boots were soft against her fingers. Azula set them aside and smoothed out the trousers. Soft white fur lined the inside of them; the outside was blue-dyed leather. The parka jacket was also dyed blue and lined with white fur, but its hood was lined with a different pelt: the fur was two-toned and velvety beneath her fingers. The mittens had three fingers: one for her thumb, one for her first two fingers, and one for her last two. They too were lined with soft fur.
There were also fitted trousers and a tunic made from blue-dyed wool that Azula supposed she would wear beneath the parka. She fingered the clasps and seams and touched the wool. She'd always heard wool was itchy and uncomfortable, but this material was soft.
"You made this?" she asked. The seams on the parka were straight and neat, and the leather was supple beneath her fingers. There was even a colorful braided panel that rounded the bottom length of the parka jacket.
"Will you wear it?"
She would have walked around the noble district naked if Katara asked her to; she thought Katara knew that. She was uncertain about the vulnerability she judged in Katara's voice. She responded with humor. "I'm shocked you would ask me that. I've proven I'll wear anything."
Katara didn't smile.
"You'll have to help me dress," Azula said more seriously.
That coaxed a smile. Katara's relief had a gratefulness about it that made Azula peculiarly emotional. Katara squeezed her shoulder and said, "I want to do your hair tonight." Katara wound a lock around her finger. "It's so fine and straight. I used to wish I had hair like yours."
Azula leaned forward, and Katara met her with a long kiss. "We should swap. Then I might actually be able to tie my hair back."
Katara scoffed. "You would go crazy with my hair."
She gave a lofty sigh of regret. "Then I guess we'll each just have to settle for a woman with the hair we covet."
"It's almost worth putting up with said woman."
Katara giggled when Azula lunged at her in mock anger, and they laughed together for a moment in pure happiness.
They managed to get dressed without backtracking. Azula mirrored Katara as she pulled on a fitted tunic and leggings. Then she stepped into the parka pants and belted them closed. They were comfortably loose and strapped beneath her foot to keep the cuff inside the fur-lined boots. The boots cinched across the top of her foot but were loose through the ankle.
Katara showed Azula how to string her mittens across her shoulders and push them through the parka sleeves. She helped her settle into the parka jacket. Katara folded it closed and cinched it around Azula's waist with an etched belt that matched the colorful panel on the parka.
These clothes were big and soft and unquestionably warmer than the fitted leather Azula had been wearing before. The craftsmanship of the parka was even more beautiful now that she was wearing it. Katara's skills with a leather needle put some royal tailors to shame.
Katara looked her up and down with wide eyes.
"What?" Azula asked.
Katara shook her head and abruptly teared up. Azula reached out to her, and Katara yanked her close and sniffled against her cheek. Parka to parka within the hut, the heat built to an unbearable level. Katara drew back with a wet laugh. "Let's get out of here before we cook ourselves."
When Katara pulled Azula outside, she drew the heavy hood up on her new parka. "Breath into the ruff of the hood."
"I do like ruffs—yours in particular," Azula said. Katara blushed and made a rude noise in reply.
Azula turned her face and exhaled. The fur around her face seemed to reflect her warm breath, and she was startled by how incredibly comfortable she was. Even the boots were warm, and they provided more traction on the snow than she expected.
"This is wonderful," she said without exaggeration.
"I'm glad you like it." Katara's smile was as shy as if she were a teenager again.
Azula took a moment to study Katara. She was used to seeing her consort in fitted silk and linen. Katara's parka was as big as Azula's, and she could have had any range of body shape beneath it. Azula appreciated the thought of opening a few pieces of clothing to find the body she knew and loved beneath the material.
When Azula met Katara's eyes, she was struck. She knew Katara's face better than her own, but this was a surprise. Here in the ice and snow, Katara's eyes were brighter, her skin was darker, and her teeth flashed whiter with the gentle smile she'd turned on Azula. She was so complemented by her surroundings. Katara would always be from the South Pole. Azula had been a fool not to have come sooner.
"You're beautiful," Azula said.
Katara stepped close for another hug. She took a long breath in Azula's arms and drew back. Azula was surprised to see she was uneasy. Katara motioned, and they began to walk through the village back towards the bay and the waiting whale.
"It's generally a terrible idea to spoil a princess," Azula teased, trying to coax the emotion away.
Katara only bit her lip. "There's something I have to tell you." She held out her hand, and Azula took it. The tone of Katara's voice made her as uneasy as Katara looked.
"What is it?"
"I should have told you earlier...a long time ago. Do you remember when I wrote to you about Hana?"
Azula sorted through her memory and recalled a few sentences from one of Katara's long letters a few years ago. "She and her husband died, didn't they?"
"Yes. She—"
A tiny round bundle of blue furs raced through the gap in the ice wall towards them, arms open. The small face that peeked out of the circle of furs at the top of the bundle was as happy as a child's face could be. The child shouted, "Mommy!" And the child wrapped its arms around Katara.
"Port, Princess?" Captain Lee was watching her carefully as she hung her parka jacket on the wall in his cabin. She managed a polite decline despite the hot ball of tension that sat in her throat. "There's no reason for you to break out your good liquor, Captain."
Captain Lee rubbed his blunt beard and grinned hopefully, showing a golden tooth. He poured her a small amount in a glass cup. "It's very good. My brother's best vintage."
She was surprised her polite decline was treated as modesty. Maybe she looked like she needed a drink. Azula clarified more sharply than she'd meant to. "I don't drink."
He schooled his face before his surprise was too blatant. "Forgive me, Princess." He went to the row of bottles in the back of his cabin. "This is honestly much better than my brother's port. He made it for my little nephew who was so disappointed he couldn't taste wine with his parents. But I like it just as much as my little nephew does."
He popped the cork, turned over two drinking glasses, and poured them both the foamy drink. Azula scented it and smelled nothing but the hint of fruit. She took a sip.
The fizz of the drink was peculiar in her mouth and down her throat. It offset the sweetness of the fruit juice. She took another sip and confirmed that this was as good as her first taste. She took a moment to study the bubbles that ascended in her glass. She knew how effervescent wine was made, but that required fermentation. This wasn't a fermented drink. "How is this made?"
"He calls it 'fruit fizzy', but he won't tell me how they do it. Apparently a family secret doesn't include the seafaring brother." Lee grinned at her. "My little brother fancies himself an inventor."
"Who is your brother?"
"Riko. He owns Fireplume Vineyards."
"Of Gorget Isles?" It was part of the small arid archipelago off the southwestern edge of Capital Island, so named because on the map the islands formed a broad-based circle. It was one of the few places in the Fire Nation that produced good wine grapes.
"Yes, Princess."
"Next time you write him, tell him I want to order a case of this for my brother's children."
Lee didn't hide his delight. He bobbed three quick, deep bows.
"Don't make yourself dizzy."
Azula's words had been cutting, but he responded with: "You have honored my family, Princess."
"I ordered a case of fruit juice," she pointed out sharply. "There are far more important matters that we need to attend to now."
The man sobered immediately. He cleared the port bottle and untouched glass off of his desk. Below a strong pane of glass that covered his desk was a map of the four nations. Azula tapped it with her fingernail. "Show me where the ice flow comes from."
"Begging your pardon, Princess, but the Water Tribe people are better to ask about this."
"I didn't ask them, did I? In fact, I didn't ask you." She turned a baleful look to him, aware she was allowing her bad mood to influence their conversation.
His smile faded and he nodded with more reserve. "I only know it flows in from the east and blocks the east side of this great bay." He tapped a finger along the northern lip of ice that was the South Pole's border. His finger traced along the northeast edge of the continent. "Much of the way is filled with icebergs during the winter, and it's impossible to navigate without a proficient waterbender on board because of the full darkness. I've gone that way once as a deckhand, and I never will again. Ships and whales alike stay away, especially when it flat out freezes solid."
"But not this western edge?"
"A warm water current flows southeast from the western ocean, which keeps the ice from freezing solid for the most part. You get a few icebergs like we saw from the glacier, but not nearly as many." His blunt finger traced through western Fire Nation territory and swept southeast. He tapped the western side of the South Pole. "The whales don't swim from that direction. They loop between the South Pole and south of the Earth Kingdom."
"All this land, and this is the only settlement on this continent?"
"It's uninhabitable, most of it. The air doesn't get as cold here because of that warm water current or it'd be as cold as the desert tundra."
Azula had read a bit about the uninhabitable tundra of the South Pole, but there was little information available in the palace archives. It didn't draw explorers; there were no ancient treasures or ruins or people to war against to make the risk worthwhile. She wished she had more information about this land her lover came from.
"Speak to the villagers for an estimate of the supplies that will help them...as much as they will accept. As much as can be given without insult. Make it known everything on this ship is theirs to keep and use as they wish."
"Supplies they do need, of course, Princess. But they need hands more than anything. They scraped together what they could to trade for good wood last season, and we brought it, but it was ruined in the ice. They couldn't put it up in time. Katara was too busy to—" He paused. "Begging your pardon, Princess."
"I'm sure Katara doesn't care if you use her name. If she doesn't care, I don't care."
He bowed all the same, probably because she'd been so sharp with her words. "It's a double-edged sword. They can't get the buildings up fast enough, and there aren't enough waterbenders to make sure the wood doesn't warp so they have more time. At least, that's the way I understand it. Could be the wood was bad too; I should have looked into the matter a little more before I filled the order. They've been chugging along doing what they can to keep afloat this last season."
"How did they survive when they didn't have a waterbender?"
He scratched his head. "They lived in sealskin tents and made small igloos by cutting and stacking ice by hand."
The ingenuity of it was more than Azula had assumed. They didn't need machinery or steam-engines or importation or agriculture...or waterbending, apparently. The Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom peoples thought because they had those things they were superior, but their utter dependency on those aspects of their society was inferiority in the face of people who lived successfully and happily without.
"And the whales?"
"They can land whales without waterbending. But it takes more time, and they lose a lot more than they land that way. Now that they've so many more people living here, they can't afford to lose that time." He cleared his throat. "This is all secondhand, Princess, so it may be best to speak to one of the villagers."
There was a distinctive meow, and the ship's fluffy bearded cat leapt onto the desk, plopping down with a happy blink. The captain frowned and picked it up. He was nervous about her reaction. "I apologize, Princess. He's a good mouser…keeps us clean of elephant rats, but he has a mind of his own."
She wanted to be alone. "You're dismissed."
"Of course, Princess." Lee bowed, cat in hand, and was on his way out of the door that opened into the ship's bowels.
She studied the map on his desk, trying to gather her thoughts despite the turmoil of emotions in her gut. Azula didn't know how long she stood there as she collected herself. She wasn't sure how long it would take her to get over this. She reached out absentmindedly to trace the massive inked circles of Ba Sing Se. Her triumph. Her greatest victory. Because of turtle ducks, as Mai had said.
She slowly drew her finger across the map and caressed the curving isles of the Fire Nation. Her home, her nation, the place of her most devastating defeat—a defeat she was so grateful for. She could still remember straining against the chains that Katara had bound her with, screaming her self-rage out with bursts of blue fire. Azula knew she would never have imagined herself here a dozen years later.
Her finger stroked south on the map and hovered over the South Pole. And here, a secret part of her lover's life, probably more important than Azula's part of it.
She was very angry about that.
The door between the deck and the captain's cabin opened in a blast of icy wind. Azula glanced up from the desk. As if Azula's thoughts had summoned her, Katara stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Her expression communicated bitter disappointment as she leaned against the inside of the door and faced Azula. "I should have known."
"And what, exactly, should you have known?" Her question was severe. Azula's temper sharpened at the audacity of Katara to look at her like that, as if Azula had wronged her.
"Are you just going to sit in here and pout?"
"Tell me something, Katara. How did you think I was going to react?"
"I thought you'd be an adult about it—"
"No," Azula snapped at the blatant lie. "No, you didn't. Because clearly you've hidden this from me for several years." She wanted to slam her fist into the desk and restrained herself. "Did you honestly think I was going to make you choose between me and a little girl who calls you her mother?"
Katara hesitated.
What a bitter disillusionment after such a wonderful afternoon. Azula sat down in the chair and covered her face with her hand. "Of course you did." She laughed bitterly though tears stung her eyes. "I suppose I should be relieved. I'd thought you might be having an affair."
"An affair?!" Katara's look was of utmost anger. "I would never cheat on you!"
"Yet you don't trust me. I thought we'd reached a point in our relationship that I didn't have to worry about that—"
There wasn't anger on Katara's face anymore. Whatever emotion she was struggling with mirrored Azula's hurt. "I do trust you!"
Azula continued, "What do you think I mean every time I tell you I love you? I love you, unconditionally."
"It's not that easy! You've never said you wanted a child. I don't want you to be obligated—"
"It's not an obligation!" Azula shouted, and she welcomed the pain it brought to her throat. She continued on with a hoarse voice. "I love you. I want you to be happy. And any child that you consider yours is mine as well. That's not obligation. That is my part to play in this relationship, as your consort or lover or whatever the hell you actually think I am."
Katara stalked to the desk and braced herself on it to face Azula. She searched Azula's eyes intensely. "How is that fair to her? What am I supposed to do, bring her to the Fire Nation where you can be her mother for a few months, and then come back here where she can't be with you? What do you think that would do to her?"
Azula propped her head in her hand wearily. "All you had to do was ask me to come."
"I shouldn't have to ask!"
Azula sighed in exasperated anger. "How else am I to know what you want or need? You, who never ask anything of me. I had no idea if you actually wanted me to come until you asked. You haven't exactly been forthcoming with invitations!"
Katara shook her head, and her face tightened in regret. "It's not that easy. I knew you'd come if I asked, but you have obligations to your country—"
"Those obligations are not more important to me than you and yours," Azula said quietly. She cleared her throat and reached out to take a swallow of the drink still on the desk. It hurt her throat.
Katara's expression softened. "You hurt yourself."
"I don't need a healer right now, Katara. I need my consort." She regarded Katara for a moment and realized there had to be some give to her take. Her accusations had been true, but she'd borne her own part in this divide. "You're right in part. I've avoided asking if you wanted me to come. I was afraid that your family, your people wouldn't accept me. I didn't want to make you choose."
Katara's anger shifted to shock. "Wouldn't accept you? Why wouldn't they accept you?"
What a useless question. Azula raised an eyebrow and waved her hand wearily. "As you so eloquently put it, I'm the princess of a nation that suppressed your people for a century."
"I knew I shouldn't have said that," Katara muttered. "Azula, my dad thinks that because he's a blockheaded jerk who thinks no one's good enough for me. No one else does."
"How can you be so sure?" Azula couldn't fathom how that could possibly be true.
Katara raised her eyebrows with a smile. To Azula's relief, that smile was tender. "Because you're the reason why we have a trade ship come in every month full of things we need and willing to accept what we can trade. I know they're not coming here because they're making money. You send them.
"You also send me back with tea and sweets and fruit, things most of my tribe had never even tasted before. You, royalty of the Fire Nation, took me as your consort legally; everyone here thinks I'm hailed as a Fire Nation princess now. And you still let me come back." Katara shook her head with a gentle smile. "You, the Princess of the Fire Nation, bowed to Gran Gran, the most respected elder in our tribe."
How did she know? "I did those things for you."
Katara nodded, her eyebrows raised. "Yeah, and they know that. They also know you banned Fire Nation whale poaching in our waters, and you protected us from an unfair clause in the international trade pact. That wasn't just for me."
Azula was startled by the two legal statements. They were minor, very minor, fine print clauses she'd thought to correct when they'd come up in Fire Nation council meetings through the years. She didn't know how Katara had found out. "How did you learn about that?"
"Zuko writes me too."
Another surprise, one she would have to think about a while before she drew an opinion on it. And as to the other... Azula felt a vague sense of relief. She wasn't ashamed of who she was or where she came from, but she was glad it had no negative impact upon Katara. Azula said, "I didn't think the Southern Water Tribe was interested in politics."
Katara rounded the desk and leaned her hip against it. "We may be small and isolated, and we may not have an ambassador, but we keep up with what will impact us." She carefully settled into Azula's lap, hesitant until Azula gave her a slight nod of permission. Katara's voice softened in regret. "I'm so sorry, Azula. I really should have said something a long time ago. Her parents died a few months after she was born, and I took care of her as a baby. Before I knew it…"
"She was calling you 'Mommy', and you loved her like a daughter." Azula could picture it. She was stung that she'd been so purposefully kept out of such an important part of Katara's life.
Katara nodded and brushed a hand through Azula's hair. "The first time I left, I left her with Gran Gran, and when I got back… I knew I couldn't give her up to anyone else. But I felt so guilty asking you to be her mother, and you were still recovering so I didn't want to dump that on you. I knew I hadn't given you any choice."
"You didn't have a choice," Azula pointed out.
"And you always said you didn't like children even though you're so good with your niece and nephew—"
Azula headed off that train of thought. "What's her name?"
"Ana."
Azula placed her hand on Katara's belly and held Katara's gaze. "If you grew a child here and birthed it, that child would be mine—the same as if I carried a child in my womb. The same holds for any child you adopt. The only reason I'm angry is because you didn't tell me. I'm not angry about Ana." She reached up and framed Katara's face in her hands, saying words she'd errantly assumed Katara knew. "You can ask me anything, Katara. If I can't do it, I'll tell you. Don't ever put words in my mouth again."
Katara nodded slowly; she gave Azula a long, soft look of regret and affection. "You're right. I'm sorry I didn't tell you; I'm sorry I didn't ask you to come sooner. I'm also sorry I wasn't able to tell you before…the big reveal."
"Did I frighten Ana?" She couldn't imagine how she'd looked staring at that little girl with her arms around Katara. Azula couldn't exactly remember the moments of realizing the truth and walking across the bay to the steamer. She hadn't been that angry in a long time.
Katara shook her head in denial. "You only frightened me."
Azula squeezed her hand in apology and tried to lighten the mood. "Mom will be pleased. I've finally given her my own Fire Nation Princess."
"Officially?" Katara gasped.
Once again, she was insulted by Katara's shock and managed to swallow it. "Of course, as soon as I can do the necessary paperwork. Any child that is yours is my legitimate heir. When Ana comes of age, she'll be able to make that choice for herself. She won't technically be a princess because I'm not Fire Lord, but I doubt Zuko would protest. It's a fun title for a little girl to have."
Katara began to pepper kisses across Azula's face, laughing and crying at once.
"I'm not sure why you're so ecstatic," Azula mumbled against the gentle assault, breathing her anger and hurt away and focusing instead on the logistics of it. "We'll have to rearrange everything in the royal suite and hire a nursemaid. She will not be allowed to abuse Tonk."
"Of course not."
"And we must arrange for a tutor, though I suppose she could share lessons with Tozin and Rina. Is she a waterbender?"
Katara put her hand over Azula's mouth. "Later." She met Azula's lips in a long kiss. Azula softened into it, but she knew it would take her longer to forgive the insult of the day. Katara must have sensed that. She wrapped her arms around Azula's neck and stroked her shoulders. Her voice took a gentle wheedling edge, and she nuzzled close. "I can borrow a tub from Mimi so you can take a nice, hot bath. How does that sound?"
"What is the usual use of said tub?" Azula asked skeptically.
Katara pulled a face. "Dog water trough."
"I'll pass, thank you."
"I'd clean it first!"
"I'm sure you would." Azula imagined how much dog saliva coated the trough and couldn't suppress her shudder.
Katara rolled her eyes though she smiled tenderly. "I'm gone for a few months and you turn into a neat-freak again."
"I am fastidious and hygienic, not a 'neat-freak'. But since you apparently aspire for me to adopt the unhygienic habits of Toph Bei Fong, I'll tell you that I planted rice on my trip to Pike Island. Clearly those farmers don't share my hygienic habits. There's so much mud you have to go barefoot in it." She shuddered at the thought of the mud between her toes. "And all the sweating. I'm sure I smelled like a pig."
Katara raised an eyebrow, no doubt imagining it. "How did the terrace method end up working?"
"Quite well, actually. One of my better ideas. We need the money we'll save from Earth Kingdom rice tariffs."
Katara leaned against her shoulder and sighed. What she was thinking about, Azula couldn't guess. She gently massaged Katara's neck, fighting the juvenile need to hold on to the insult of the day. "I bathed this morning so I can wait."
"Then how about we go to bed?"
The light coming in from the iced glass window was still strong. "Is it late enough?"
Katara pulled Azula to her feet. "We only get a few hours of darkness this time of year. I'd usually stay until the end of the whale butchering, but I've been banished for the night. They'll probably finish up late tonight."
"Does Ana sleep in your hut?"
Katara nodded, squeezing Azula's hands. "It's her bedtime. Ursa and Iroh volunteered to keep her in their cabin on the ship. She's already tucked in. Usually I'd ask Gran Gran, but Pakku scares Ana recently."
Azula wondered how Katara had explained the situation to her parents as she pulled on her parka. In any case, Ursa and Iroh loved children so it was no surprise they had volunteered.
Katara's face had tightened in grief as she spoke of Pakku, but Azula wasn't sure how to ask after the old man. Instead, she estimated, "That will last for a few hours. Iroh's going to bring Ana back in the middle of the night because she'll be scared and will want her mother."
"I think she can last a night," Katara said with a scoff that was all 'she's my kid'.
They walked silently back to the village through soft snowfall with their hands firmly clasped. Azula was quiet through their simple dinner in Katara's hut. She rescued her silk robe from where it had been kicked into the bottom of Katara's bed and pulled it on to sleep in. It smelled like Katara now. Katara changed into a woolen shift and loose trousers. When they settled into bed, Katara pulled her close and massaged Azula's shoulders gently. She softly asked, "Are you still mad?"
"No." It was the truth. Azula wasn't mad; she was hurt. Katara must have seen that. She pulled Azula closer.
"Oh, baby." Katara kissed her softly. "I'm sorry," she said with another small kiss. "I'm so sorry. Never again. Never again. I trust you. I was so stupid." Katara's mouth remained soft on her own, and each gentle kiss eased some of the pain Azula felt until she faded into restful sleep.
Several hours later, they awoke with Iroh standing awkwardly in the middle of Katara's hut. A little bundle of furs that held his hand threw herself against Katara, sniffling.
"We had a little nightmare," Iroh said. "Ursa thought it best she sleep in her own bed after that."
After he showed himself out, Katara unbundled the round swathe of furs to reveal a skinny little girl with wide blue eyes and unruly brown hair. She was cute. Those big blue eyes looked at Azula with unabashed curiosity. She asked, "Who're you?"
This little girl hadn't asked to be kept a secret. She hadn't asked to lose her blood parents. Children were good at sensing emotions, and Azula didn't want to be unfair. Katara had eased much of the hurt she'd caused, and now Azula looked at this little girl and chose to see only what she'd gained.
"Hello, Ana. I'm Azula," she replied soberly, shifting and re-belting her sleeping robe. She asked her next question seriously. "Do you know you're a princess?"
The blue eyes didn't widen.
"You are a Princess of the Fire Nation." Azula spoke in the matter-of-fact way she always did to children. Ursa could keep her kissy faces and baby talk. Children were people too, and they deserved to be addressed as human beings.
This little human being now looked at her with her eyebrows raised and her eyes widened. She looked like she was deciding if Azula was crazy. Then the little girl gave a shy grin. She giggled. "You're siwwy."
What hurt remained was easy to ignore in the face of this little girl's smile. This would prove to be an interesting relationship. Azula ignored Katara's smirk and sighed softly. "So I've been told."
"Say your goodnights," Katara said.
Ana darted forward and wrapped a quick hug around Azula's neck. She turned back and hugged Katara, who kissed her. Each hug had been accompanied by a mumbled 'goodnight'. Katara tucked her into the small pile of blue and white furs that had been bundled in the corner of the hut. Azula would have worried about the little girl rolling over and burning herself in the night, but Katara dragged over a slatted wooden railing that sat between the bedroll and the fire pit. Katara kissed the little head again, lowered the wick on the oil lamp, and settled back against Azula, warm and welcome.
"Stop it," Katara warned quietly. Her voice trembled with laughter.
"What?"
"Being so smug. I can hear it."
"I didn't say anything." Azula had been thinking it though: 'I called this.'
"I can hear it in your silence."
Azula was able to smile as she gathered Katara close. "Goodnight, darling."
-TBC-