Chapter 13: First impressions aren't the last
That first morning in the South Pole was actually similar to mornings at the Royal Palace of the Fire Nation: quiet routine in preparation of a busy day ahead.
At home Azula rarely had time for a boisterous family breakfast. Ursa didn't protest because she was content to share her mornings with Zuko's kids. Zuko joked that they'd been replaced as Ursa's babies quickly. In any case, Azula usually trained privately and took a quick tea and rice meal in the gray before dawn. She liked the peace of watching the sun rise over the volcano's great rim to set the metallic shingles of the royal district alight.
With their busy schedule it was no wonder Zuko sometimes developed a paunch. Two years after the arrows, Azula was horrified that her robes had been taken out for more room in her hips. She'd allowed weakness to progress to laziness. She'd coaxed Zuko to begin training with her several days a week and got up several hours before dawn to train privately when she could.
Though Zuko had never asked her why she didn't firebend, she was sure he knew. Their family maintained Azula's lie for reasons she couldn't guess. Katara was probably still ignorant, and that brought a sting of guilt Azula ignored. Explaining her lie now would be too complicated and cause needless worry. It was a fact about herself that she'd accepted: she wasn't a firebender anymore.
Zuko himself rarely used his firebending. When Azula had asked him why, he'd looked at his children and said one word: Ozai. She understood even if she didn't entirely agree. After Ozai, firebending was the last thing Zuko wanted for his children. They would learn, but they would do it at their own pace without even the pressure of their father's talent.
Some warrior royal family they'd turned out to be.
Before Tozin and Rina, Azula had understood Ozai's lessons as cruel necessity. His violence had saved her life on quite a few occasions during the war. Ozai taught her ingenuity in the face of overpowering strength. How fitting that Azula's first true loss had been that situation: her brute strength beaten by Katara's clever ingenuity. Azula would never regret Ozai's harsh bending lessons with her, but she could not fathom how he had been able to treat any child, much less his own, like that.
Then again, Ursa had never been gentle with her either when she was a girl. Maybe Azula had invited it.
Ana, Katara's little girl, was not like Azula in any way. She smiled freely, giggled, and wanted hugs and kisses from her mother…even when she proved herself stubbornly independent. When Katara helped Ana scoop boiled oats out of the pot in the coal pit for breakfast, Ana refused to eat out of that bowl.
Azula held out her hand. "I happen to like being served."
Katara handed Azula the child-sized bowl, and Ana, with her tongue out in concentration, scooped her own oats into a larger bowl. A large plop of oats was saved from hitting the floor when Katara deftly sent it back into the pot with a flick of her wrist.
They'd woken up late, or so it had seemed to Azula when she walked out of the hut to brave the outhouse. The sun had been shining bright, but its warmth hardly touched the shocking cold. It was both wonderful and disconcerting to know the sun would be high in the sky so early in the day. She'd meditated in her warm parka and enjoyed feeling the sun warm her face. She'd also stretched out her back, which was stiff from sleeping on a pelt over a hard wood floor.
When she'd returned to the hut, she'd found Ana was snuggled up to Katara, trying to wake her up with gentle taps to her face. Azula wasn't as gentle; she sat on Katara. Katara groaned, glared at them both, and staggered out of her bed to begin her day.
Breakfast was a quiet affair after Ana's unhappy demands to serve herself. The little girl wasn't too concerned with Azula, though she liked to give a shy grin and peek up under her eyelashes in the way of little children. Katara was quietly gathering herself for the day ahead while she gulped down her boiled oats. Ana was more interested in picking the fruit out of her oats to eat. Azula was glad the foodstuffs they'd brought aboard the steamer were appreciated.
When she had Ana's full attention, Azula wiggled her fingers, looked down at her hands, and did a little trick that looked like she'd removed her thumb and placed it back on. Once upon a time, Lu Ten had liked to play that trick with her. Azula had asked him over and over again until she'd learned how he did it, which had taken all the fun out of it…at least until she was able to perform the trick for herself.
When Ana saw the trick, her blue eyes went wide. Katara smiled at Azula over Ana's shoulder and picked up the girl. She dressed her with an efficiency that betrayed she'd been doing this for a long time.
"What will you be doing today?" Azula asked Katara.
"After I drop this little one off at school, I have to make my health rounds, then I'll help clean out the icehouse so we can start storing whale flesh. I need to check the thickness of the ice along the bay—I've put it off way too long—and I might help Nema check our fresh water stores. Mimi asked me if I'd help with afternoon lessons, but we might start putting up a hut for Nukkuk's family. I have whale-watch in the late afternoon. And tonight we're supposed to start some baskets from the baleen, but I'll probably have to help Gran Gran with some of her chores."
"That sounds like more things than ten people can do in ten days."
Katara tugged Ana's arms through her parka sleeves and gave a halfhearted smile of agreement. Azula barely had time to kiss her before she was out of the hut.
Azula resigned herself to being the source of her own amusement for the day. Perhaps she could manage to do a task or two around the village. For now, she was alone and she had nothing to do. It was a strange situation.
She took a few minutes to further explore Katara's little abode. The floor was sanded wood, raised from the smoldering fire pit in the center of the hut. The coals in the fire pit were gray, and they flared with a gentle stir. It was a good way to keep some level of warmth in this dwelling without risking fire. Most likely the hut was raised from the ice. Azula wondered at the specifics of its architecture, especially with the igloo exterior.
She touched a curved wooden support on one wall and realized it wasn't wood at all. It was bone. Azula felt a shiver of awe; this was a whale rib. She followed its curve up to the ceiling and noticed for the first time a hole that vented what little smoke the coals gave off with their warmth.
The curved corners of the hut held a variety of items and storage containers. There was a trunk along the wall that she was especially interested in. The top of it was ink-stained and clearly doubled as Katara's writing desk. There were several colorful books in the trunk. Azula lifted them out.
All of them were Laza's illustrated picture books. The books were faded and scratched but obviously cared for: The Princess and the Throne Room, The Prince and the Fire Broach, and The Princess and the Mongoose Dragon. The latter was a story that Ursa hadn't known until she saw it in print. She'd read it, gone white, and looked at Azula like she was thankful her daughter was still alive.
She'd erred in not asking for a shipment of books for the children here. She'd never considered children of other nations would want to read books written for Fire Nation children. Perhaps Laza could collaborate with Katara to draft a few books for the Southern Water Tribe.
Azula poked further in the chest. There was a pile of papers, a blank scroll, a bottle of ink, a writing brush, and a quill pen. She discovered a long, thick needle when she stabbed her finger on it. The needle was made of bone, and it had a blunt end that settled into her first two fingers. Below those items were scraps of leather, a spool of thin fishing line, several two-pronged barbed fishing hooks, a decorative ivory knife, and a bag that Azula didn't want to attempt to drag out for fear of stabbing herself again. She replaced what she'd removed and closed the trunk.
Beside it was another chest. It had two compartments inside, and both were filled with letters. She shuffled through the smaller compartment and found letters from Zuko, Sokka, the North Pole, a few other individuals, and at least one from the Avatar. The larger compartment was filled with letters marked with her own seal.
Azula plucked one of her letters off of the pile, studied her dragon seal, and opened it.
There was much excitement in the palace today. A snake threatened Tozin in the garden, and his nursemaid screamed bloody murder. The nursemaid was rightfully frightened; the snake was a viper. I've sketched its dorsal pattern in the margins. If you see that, kindly don't pet it. Can you guess who saved my nephew from the snake?
Tonkara apparently drew the snake's attention and snatched it up to feast. (I confess I screamed myself when I stepped on the half of the snake Tonk left me on the balcony.) The nursemaid declared our vicious little cat is the bravest animal she's ever known. Maybe Zuko will stop complaining about the cat hair on his robes.
With love,
Azula
She smiled at the memory and replaced the letter in the haphazard stack. Out of curiosity, she chose another.
Zuko bought a bicycle. I don't know how it's possible, but they're all the rage for commoners to transport themselves around on. Some nobles even prefer to ride in bicycle-drawn carriages. Zuko looked like a fool wobbling on it, but his children were delighted to watch him. No doubt he'll order smaller versions for Tozin and Rina. Smaller and hopefully infinitely safer with Tozin's dubious record.
I'm almost tempted to learn how to use one of those strange contraptions too. Maybe we can get away to Ember Island and try in relative privacy.
The trip had never happened, but Azula had ordered the bicycle. Azula dropped the letter back onto the pile with vague regret.
She went back to the other side of the chest and shuffled around to see how many letters from the Avatar that Katara had kept. She pulled out an unmarked scroll and opened it out of curiosity; it was a waterbending scroll. Azula's attention was drawn away from that when she saw a few of her letters buried in the bottom of this compartment. She wondered why these were abandoned. As she lifted the bundle out, she realized it was bound with red silk. These weren't abandoned; they were treasured.
She unwrapped the set, chose the top letter, and discovered it had been flattened and refolded enough times that the ink had worn out of the crease and the paper's edges were tattered.
Katara,
I dreamed of you last night. You tasted me until I screamed your name. You slipped inside me and rocked me close and kissed me so that I could taste myself on your lips. My orgasm woke me. It wasn't enough. A dream will never be enough. I closed my eyes and put my hand between my legs and I thought of you.
You leave me wet and breathless. I smell myself on my fingers when I write to you. Can you smell me where you are?
Don't leave me waiting too long, darling.
Azula raised her eyebrows, a little shocked at these words she'd put to paper. She opened the second letter. It was written along the same lines. Had she known Katara treasured these erotic letters, she would have written more than the half dozen in the stack. She carefully refolded the letters, retied them, and replaced them under the stack of scrolls. Azula turned back to her examination of the hut.
There were a few wide baskets stacked in the corner. One was lined with a tanned leather sack and full of coals. The second had a bag of rice and a bag of oats within it. The third had a variety of animal bones and a sharp carving knife in a crude sheath. Azula reached past the knife and lifted out a bone that was a half-carved comb; the handle had begun to shape into a whale head. Had Katara done this? She had many talents that Azula had ever realized.
There were a few spears bound together leaning against the wall, and their sharp edges were covered in thick leather. One had a deadly barb on it; perhaps it was the whale spear. There was a length of rope carefully coiled on several folded animal pelts. Azula poked around that side of the hut and found a smaller chest. When she opened it, she realized she'd discovered Ana's small collection of possessions. There was a small comb and a few sets of clothes, but there were also childish treasures: a smooth black rock, a small piece of bone, a shining red button, an animal tooth, and so forth. Azula left them as they were and carefully replaced the chest.
She sat back down in the bedroll and regarded the coals in the fire pit. She meditated on them for a little while before her boredom drew her back.
What was she to do? Surely Kanna could find her a task. Azula dressed herself in her parka jacket, turned down the wick on the lamp, and ducked out into the cold to find the woman.
She gave up on that venture as soon as she stepped out of Katara's hut. There was a man standing there apparently waiting for her. His lined dark face set off his bright blue eyes—Katara's eyes. He seemed to unfold himself from his stance. He wasn't particularly tall, but he had a big presence especially in that dark blue parka, and he knew it. He raised his chin and studied her expressionlessly. Then he pointed the handle of his coiled whip towards the sled that was hitched to six thick-furred dogs at the inland gap in the ice wall.
"We're going seal hunting."
"You must be Hakoda," she said dryly. Her breath seemed thicker in the air today. Maybe it was colder, despite the sun that was so bright.
"Are you coming or not?"
Azula resigned herself to it and followed him to the sled. Hakoda took hold of the sled handles and stood on the curved lever that rounded over the sled skis. "Hei!" he shouted. He didn't crack his whip. He didn't need to.
The dogs strained against their harnesses, and Hakoda gradually released his weight from the bar he was standing on. Was it a brake mechanism? The sled began to move as he set his feet on the skis. Because she hadn't been offered a ride, Azula guessed she was expected to jog behind the leather-covered sled. With her new sealskin boots, she might not break her neck on the ice.
No one was around to watch them make their way out of the icy barrier that surrounded the settlement. Well, if she had to murder him, she could claim innocence. Or he could if he murdered her. Whoever lost that could be fed to the dogs. What a comforting thought.
The exercise of power she expected was for Hakoda to drive his dogs faster than she could run, but the sled remained within her sight at all times. It was almost impossible to judge time or distance with the ever present pale sun and the virtually unchanging white ice and snow of their environment. The small hills they passed surprised her until she considered there was probably earth beneath them. Running in the snow wasn't as difficult as she expected, but she quickly began to sweat in her parka, which was cumbersome for this activity. She welcomed the physicality of it and was pleased that her body was strong even in this new environment.
"Nuu!" Hakoda shouted ahead of her. She could guess that command more easily than the few he'd used to gently coax turns during the trip. His feet were back on the brake lever as the dogs slowed. He tossed a heavy pick attached to the sled onto the ground and stomped it into the ground. When she caught up to him, he motioned for Azula to take his place. "Keep them pointed straight."
They were facing the sun. They must be going east. And she was apparently expected to drive the dog sled. She kicked the pick out of the ground, placed it on the sled handle, and mimicked his early display. "Hei!"
To her surprise the dogs responded; they jostled the brake lever from below her feet with their power. She had to jog a few steps before she could put her feet on the skis. It wasn't an easy ride. There were bumps and shifts, and she had the responsibility of balancing the sled in the face of the shifting landscape. Hopefully Hakoda could keep up.
She was driving a dog sled. Astounding. This was probably a recipe for disaster, but what an experience. The dogs exhaled heavy bursts of warm breath as they jogged along steadily in front of the sled. From what she'd read there were always lead dogs, swing dogs, and wheel dogs. She didn't remember much detail about the significance of each besides the obvious: the lead dogs led and the wheel dogs were powerful animals that could drag the sled out of snow or mud.
"Stop them!" Hakoda eventually shouted to her.
"Nuu!" she shouted. This time she pressed the brake lever hard, and the sled ground to a halt as the dogs slowed. The call had hurt her throat, but it was satisfying to see the dogs respond to her command as quickly as they did their master's. But then again, they probably only responded because they'd been trained well by their master. She tossed the ice pick down and stomped it into the ground.
When Hakoda walked up to the sled, he wasn't panting noticeably. His braided brown hair was streaked with gray and wrinkles deepened the corner of his eyes, but he was still physically fit. He was probably trying to show her that. What a joy to deal with a chest-pounding, disapproving father.
"Seal hole," Hakoda said, pointing off towards the north across a flat expanse of snow and ice.
She'd read about the tiger seals of the South Pole. They lived under the ice though they required air like all non-fish sea creatures. They broke the ice to create necessary breathing holes, which was where the hunter would wait. She hadn't realized there was no earth beneath them.
"We're on shorefast ice then?"
He gave her a purely hateful look. "My daughter says you like to read. Reading doesn't make you an expert."
At least he'd started the argument now instead of waiting. "Is that what this is about? Did you bring me out here to prove to me that I don't know this place and by extension, I don't know Katara? This is a pathetically jejune effort. I expected better of the infamous Chief Hakoda."
His jaw tightened. "You seduced my daughter—"
"Actually, she seduced me."
She expected him to hit her. He surprised her when he didn't. His fist did clench, and he turned to walk away from her and the now barking dogs. She followed him a few paces behind. "Shall we skip the useless posturing? I'm not going away. Caring about you or your feelings towards me is beneath me. The only thing I care about is making this as painless as possible for Katara's sake."
"Don't even pretend you care about her!" He gesticulated aggressively as he turned on her. His teeth flashed white with his snarl. Apparently Katara had inherited this man's temper. "Ten years and you haven't even married her. You keep her as your consort!" He snarled the last word like it was a curse.
His ignorance provoked her anger. "It is a marriage, you fool."
"You've said no vows! You've made no promises, and still she wastes her life with you!"
"Not in ceremony," Azula retorted, her heart rate rising with her anger. She softened her tone again. "I've said them to her, the only person who matters. The last time I checked, she's the only person in the relationship with me."
Hakoda shifted into a different attack. "I won't forget. Your people murdered my wife, her mother. For decades you sent attacks against us. We lived our lives in fear of your ships!"
This was closer to the argument she'd anticipated. Did he expect her to fall on her belly and cry for forgiveness about a war her great-grandfather had started? Did he want her to apologize for the man that had killed his wife? Hakoda's mind was already set, and she would not grovel to him for her ancestor's mistakes. She adopted a supercilious tone. "I'm sorry, are we talking about something that happened when I was a child?"
He sneered and pointed at her sharply. "I know what you did during the war. I know you tried to kill my daughter. You tried to kill all of us. Zuko should have given us your head for what you've done."
Azula laughed; she couldn't help herself. "You want my head for what? Defending myself and my nation? Conquering Ba Sing Se? Fighting Katara? She tried to kill me too. She came close a few times." Azula still remembered the frozen moment when Katara's waters sliced by her face under Ba Sing Se; it made her shiver in pleasure now. "It was war."
"You love war, don't you, you bloodthirsty firebender!"
Azula folded her arms and didn't deign to respond to that stupid statement. There as a limit to her patience, and he'd reached it. She rolled her eyes. "So you've digressed to name calling. Are we going to hunt seals or do you plan to continue fabricating pedestrian lies to justify your belief that I'm not good enough for your daughter?" His jaw clenched, and she continued, "Because you're right. I'm not good enough. But I'm the closest she'll ever get."
That visibly surprised him, but Hakoda quickly reset his jaw in anger. He looked her in the eye. She looked back at him in a flat stare.
"Tell me you love her."
"So you can accuse me of lying again?"
He spat on the ice next to her boot. The utter rudeness of the gesture wasn't lost on her. She shook her head and laughed airily. "I'm beginning to wonder if you even know your daughter."
He seized her parka in the attempt to physically intimidate her. "Be careful about what you say next."
Azula rolled her eyes. This man apparently didn't realize she'd grown up with Ozai as her father. Hakoda didn't have it in him to hurt her. She met his stare and lifted her face close enough to make him uncomfortable. She kept her voice even. "Let me explain this to you then. Your daughter, Katara, is easily the most headstrong woman I know. She's often contrary by her nature and refuses to do anything she'd rather not do. I have no doubt she was born bossing Sokka around."
She had Hakoda's full attention. His mouth twitched, but he contained whatever emotion she'd evoked with that statement.
"If I had the ability to coerce Katara into a relationship by the sheer power of my suggestion, I would rule the world. Not only do you give me too much credit, you do your own daughter a disservice. And if you think I would risk her for some petty attack on your people, you're a fool. I know who she would choose in that situation."
Hakoda's grip on her parka loosened, and his expression softened. "What about Ana?" The question lacked the vigor of his earlier protests.
"She's my daughter now too," Azula said evenly.
His eyes were bright, and they met hers again in a long stare. His shoulders slowly relaxed in a softening of temper that Azula had seen in Katara time and time again. He released her parka, broke his stare, and pointed towards the horizon. "The hole should be about fifty paces north. Wait for me."
Did she dare think she'd won his approval? Not likely. But she had a reprieve, at least until he started his next angry protest over said seal hole. She walked in the direction that he pointed and placed her feet carefully to avoid falling into the hole they were looking for. His crunching footsteps seemed to go back in the direction of the sled and the violently barking dogs there.
"What?" she heard him say in alarm.
She peeled her gaze from the ice and snow under her feet to turn her head to look back at him. The sound of the dogs now sent a shiver of unease down her spine. As she looked across the snow, something else caught her attention. It took a long moment to understand: there were human tracks in the snow. Azula followed the line of tracks—small tracks and close together, a child's tracks—and her breath caught in terror.
Hakoda let out a bellow behind her as he saw the same thing.
There was a child standing on the ice twenty meters away from her. And there was an unmistakable polar bear dog standing just beyond the child. Drool dripped from its great mouth, and its breath condensed in the air as it turned towards the tiny figure that had a small hand out towards it. Its great yellow teeth—how strange that she saw so clearly that its upper left canine was broken—were bare.
She didn't have time to wonder about how this situation had happened or even what she'd do without a weapon. She burst into a full sprint as the bear began to rear on its back legs.
When she slammed into its deep ribcage, she did so at full speed. The solidness of the beast shocked her—bruised her shoulder—and yet it overbalanced and flopped on its side. Azula skipped off of its side, her momentum going in two directions at once. The bear's massive forearm swept out as Azula thudded onto her back on the hard ice. She heard her parka rip and had the inane thought that Katara was going to kill her for that.
The great maw of the bear opened, and she went on instinct when she kicked it in the face. The polar bear dog snarled at her and snapped at her feet, but her next kick landed on its open jaw. Bone and cartilage popped audibly, and the animal roared and scrambled backwards in quick retreat.
The bear watched her for a second of naked aggression. Its tongue lolled out of the side of its broken jaw; its muzzle curled in a snarl. It was a moment she would never forget: taking in its massive forelimbs, the thick furred tail, the ribs that were clearly visible beneath its heavy pelt. It was a starving animal, probably weak for its kind, but it was still stronger than she could ever hope to be.
The bear lunged at her and swung its great paw. She rolled over and relaxed into the blow. The impact of it shuddered through her back and chest and knocked the wind out of her. She hadn't expected the sheer power of the blow. Despite softening her body into it, Azula was tumbling over the ice and snow, skidding on a slippery surface—then her head scraped a rough edge as her legs swept downward. Azula had a millisecond of frozen realization as she looked below her into the ring of inky blackness of seawater.
She'd found the seal hole.
She couldn't temper her first instinct to breathe after her body submerged. She'd never felt anything so singularly cold. Her lungs and sinuses burned from the water that filled them, and she kicked towards the surface only to strike her head on solid ice. Water rushed into her parka from the gaps in her neck and sleeves, bringing with it numbing pain. She struggled to stay afloat, and her head struck the ice once more. Her momentum must have taken her away from the hole in the ice, but there was no way to know which way. Her arms flailed as her strength began to slip away.
Abruptly, a bruising force encircled her wrist and wrenched her sideways. The force seized her shoulders and tore her out of the water. She had the irrational thought it was the polar bear dog coming back to finish the job, but she had more important things to worry about.
There was air, but she couldn't get any. Her diaphragm jerked in spasms, and she hacked up a mouthful of warm salt water that steamed when it struck the ice. There were long painful minutes of two instincts ingrained in her body: coughing out the fluid in her lungs and greedily gulping at the air. Eventually she reached a point when the ragged resistance of fluid in her lungs eased.
All the while strong hands were striping her out of her sodden clothing until she was naked on the ice. Then she was being rubbed vigorously with snow. She couldn't draw enough breath to snarl in protest, and her arms were too weak to beat the assault off. She was completely numb. What a strange sensation.
Finally, Hakoda—for it was he who'd been doing all of this—yanked her forcefully into his dry parka jacket. He shoved her numb hands into one of his mittens and managed to squeeze both of her feet into the other. He slapped her in a stunning blow and tightened his hood around her face. He grunted as he lifted Azula into his arms. Her hair spilled out of the big parka and clicked as it fell over her shoulders. It was frozen in the cold air. How odd...her eyelashes had a fringe of ice too.
"Ana, come!"
Fuck, it had been Ana. The little girl couldn't have been hurt, not if Hakoda let her walk. She wasn't hurt. She couldn't be hurt. Where was the bear?
What were the chances of this clusterfuck?
"I thought you said seal hunting," she rasped through her chattering teeth. The words prompted another round of coughing, and she spat watery mucous from her mouth.
Hakoda laughed shakily. "Yeah, well, I didn't expect you to be crazy enough to tackle a polar bear dog. You'd better not die. I'm in enough trouble as it is."
"Even I'm not that vindictive," she managed to say.
Azula breathed into the ruff of Hakoda's hood and focused on the warmth of it. She focused on multiplying that warmth with her diaphragm. Her limbs were numb and her body was wracked with painful shudders. Her throat ached in muted agony from her coughing. She stared over Hakoda's shoulder and her eyes focused on the speckled trail of blood on the snow behind him. It was the only color on the ground. She watched the little girl who followed that trail of blood as fast as her little legs could go.
Her own blood?
Azula cast her eyes along the ice and saw the bear in the distance: a lump of yellow on the white horizon. There was a spear sticking out of its carcass straight up towards the sky. It was a strange dark vertical line in this world of horizontals and gentle bends. There was a dragging pattern in the snow from the polar bear dog to the black hole that opened into the ocean. The seal hole was smaller than she had first thought, and from this angle it didn't seem as impossibly deep as it did when she'd looked down into it. What a horrid stroke of luck to just happen to drop into it. Azula turned her eyes back to the little girl who followed them. She was crying into her mittens.
Dogs barked before she realized they were back at the sled. Hakoda put her in the snow, which was no colder than anywhere else she'd been recently.
He scattered the sled's contents on the ice. Then he deposited Azula into the naked leather that lined the sled. "Don't die," he commanded sharply as he yanked a strip of leather from his pack and wrapped it tightly around her leg. With the pressure came pain, and she realized she'd been cut by the bear's claws.
She stopped shivering. Hakoda slapped her cheek again. "Stay awake! Ana, you sit here with her. Keep her warm and keep her awake."
Warm was about the last thing Azula felt right then. This all had taken a dream-like quality, especially when she saw the toes of her escaped foot were waxy gray. Hakoda pushed that foot back into his big glove quickly. Closing her eyes to rest was a temptation, but a little body unceremoniously landed on her diaphragm, forcing a gasp and a cough. Ana sat in Azula's lap, watching her with wide, teary eyes. Hakoda wrenched open the little girl's parka and stuck a water bladder inside it.
"It's cowd!" Ana complained.
"Leave it." Hakoda's command was sharp enough that the little girl balked in fear. He folded the two ends of the leather over them both. It wasn't enough to cover Azula's legs. She looked at the bit of the white skin of her leg that was exposed to the freezing air. There was a bead of water sitting on her skin. It wasn't frozen.
She ignored the pain in her throat and exhaled deeply. Her breath condensed in the freezing air, sweeping gently away with the biting wind that blew across the shorefast ice. Azula imagined the heat of her breath moving inward.
Hakoda unhitched one of his dogs—from the back pair, the wheel dogs. It was a big animal, broader than most breeds found in the Fire Nation. An old animal by the gray on its muzzle. An old dog.
Hakoda put it inside the sled with Azula and Ana, and its furry body was still and gentle. She couldn't feel it against her skin, yet she sensed its heat. Its sharp blue eyes regarded Azula.
An old dog.
Its breath condensed in the air, but not with the same strength as hers did. She exhaled a warm breath of air, fighting the customary tickle in her throat. When she inhaled, she felt the so-cold air quickly warm in her lungs. She concentrated on spreading that heat down through her diaphragm.
"I'll be back." Hakoda seized her hair and yanked, prompting Azula to snarl at him. "Stay awake. Don't die. Ana, keep your hands on her face." He yanked her hair again and strode away.
Ana snuggled closer to her, snuffling out little sobs, and put her cold mittens over Azula's numb face. From around the curve of the mitten, Azula studied the unbroken white on blue of their surroundings. A soft wind kicked snow up like sand, and it ripped through the parka jacket that covered her skin. This was a beautiful, alien place, and it had been her mistake to take for granted that it was also an unforgiving place.
She breathed out and in. Out and in. Out and in. It was almost meditation. Almost. She focused on it, focused on what little warmth she could scrounge and push outwards from her core, focused on the warmth of the breath that was trapped beneath Ana's hands, and kept her breathing steady. Her diaphragm felt big and strong, and she finally reached a point in which it radiated heat through her body, all the way to the tips of her fingers and toes.
She closed her eyes, curled her toes, and tightened her hands into fists. Her feeling was coming back with burning pins and needles. She would not die.
"You aren't dead, are you?" Hakoda's question startled her.
"Despite your earlier protests, I'm sensing you wouldn't mind the trade-off," Azula replied roughly, not opening her eyes.
"You do have a sense of humor; I'll give you that," Hakoda muttered.
Hakoda grabbed his dog by the harness and replaced it on his line, leaving a void of cold air in its place. He picked up Ana, placed her in the snow, and did the same with Azula. His parka was long enough to protect her from the snow and ice that he set her on, but the air was still sharply frigid.
Hakoda spread out a massive dry pelt of white bristly fur in his sled. It was from the polar bear dog. How long had he been gone to skin it? He pulled off the mitten from Azula's feet for some reason, but he gave up on that when she kicked him in the thigh. The next kick would have been to a more sensitive area, and he knew that. He smiled tightly, shoved her feet back into the warmth of his mitten, and dropped her on the pelt in his sled. He deposited Ana in Azula's lap again. He pulled the warmed water skin from the little girl's parka, placed it against Azula's lips, and yanked her hair.
"Drink."
She obeyed. The water was a warm balm down her sore throat and into her stomach.
He tucked one end of the pelt under Azula and wrapped the second across it, creating a cool cocoon that immediately began to warm. Azula's shivers abruptly returned to her. She blinked past the mass of the pelt and saw Hakoda toss a pile of frozen parka into the front of the sled. She was grateful he'd saved it for her.
"Drink."
She took another gulp of the water and shuddered uncontrollably in the warmth of the pelt that surrounded her. He yanked her hair again.
"Stop it!" she snarled at him. "If you do that again, I'll bite those fingers off."
His face shifted into a faint smile, and he flipped a piece of the pelt over her head, cutting off her sight completely.
Hakoda stood at the back of the sled and shouted, "Hei, hei!" His whip cracked. The dogs burst forth with energy that surprised her. This was a full sprint, and Hakoda urged them on with smooches and shouts.
Within their dark cocoon, Ana snuggled into Azula's lap. The little girl whispered, "You're warm."
Azula stood on a hot beach. Her toes curled in the sand, and the surf swept up around her feet, a cool relief against her hot skin. The sun shone bright on her eyes. Something massive and dark swept in front of its light, and she was frozen at the sight of that dark silhouette. Fire swept around her, and Azula raised her arms to draw it away as her own.
She lurched awake with a cry.
Coals popped on the fire, and she turned her head in alarm at the noise. Katara and Hakoda sat across the hut from her, and they looked at her in surprise. Hakoda said, "That was some dream."
Katara scooted closer and wiped sweat from Azula's face. "You're burning up."
"I'm hot," Azula said hoarsely. But even as she said it, she realized she wasn't. She shivered in the cool of Katara's hut and allowed Katara to push her back into the bedroll.
Her memories flicked in quickly. When they'd arrived at the village, Kanna and two other old women had unbundled Azula from the sled and fed her hot broth as they checked her extremities. They'd murmured to each other in surprise that there hadn't been the frostbitten screaming agony that usually accompanied exposures. They'd checked her nose, her ears, her fingers, and her toes. All had been spared the swollen blistered redness of coming frostbite.
After half an hour of not only not shivering but also beginning to sweat from the hot rocks they put in pockets of her bundled fur clothing, Kanna deemed it safe for a hot water bath. No doubt they used that disgusting dog trough, which was only wide enough for Azula to squeeze her hips and feet into. The bath had been pleasant so long as she hadn't thought about all the dog saliva. The two strange women had whispered about her scars and the whiteness of her skin until Kanna hushed them.
Azula wanted to meet Katara's tribe, but that had been a bit much. After that uncomfortable experience, they'd bound her leg, dressed her in her robe, and bundled her into Katara's bed. Now she struggled into some semblance of consciousness from the deep sleep she'd been in.
She said, "The polar bear dog."
"Yes, the very dead polar bear dog, thankfully." Katara shot her father a pointed look and continued, "Dad, you were just telling me you were wrong about Azula and that she's not a bad person, weren't you?"
"I must still be dreaming."
"I could pinch you," Hakoda offered with a smirk. Katara glared at him, and he sighed and spoke to Azula neutrally. "I don't like you, and I don't trust you. But you didn't hesitate. You saved Ana's life without a thought. You didn't even know it was her, did you?"
"Did you really think I'd let a child die?" Azula asked. Her voice was hoarse, and her throat didn't hurt as badly as she thought it would. She shifted and winced, taking in her aches and pains finally. Her back felt like she'd been buried under an earthbender boulder, and her thigh was stiff and tender.
Katara looked down at her as she continued to stroke Azula's hair. She looked weary—no wonder given what had happened that morning—if not happy. "You attract danger better than anyone I know."
"How badly am I hurt?"
"You have a giant paw print on your back, and the gash on your leg wasn't deep enough to open muscle. You're officially the luckiest person I know. Dad said you went under the ice."
"The South Pole is beautiful but it isn't swimming country." She cleared her throat and sat up again slowly with a wince. She ignored Katara's protests. "Ana?"
"She wasn't hurt, just scared out of her mind. Rightfully so. Had the talking-to of her life. So did I," Hakoda admitted with a faint smile directed to his daughter. He lost his smile and looked at Azula with a measure of respect. "She's safe because of you."
"Stowaway, I presume?" A stowaway that had probably clumsily gotten out of the covered sled, humming to herself happily, and wandered without a care out onto the ice…where a polar bear dog was lumbering around. Meanwhile the adults were too busy pounding their chests and posturing about Katara to notice the toddler, polar bear dog, or the alarmed dog team. Pathetic.
Hakoda's expression indicated he was feeling as sheepish as Azula at that moment. He nodded. "Apparently she wandered away from the school session during the whale sign. I should have checked my sled, but I was a little...preoccupied this morning. It's just like her to do it too. And just like her to think a polar bear dog is a friend. I still remember the first time I found her buried under my sled dogs." He smiled and stood, a massive presence in this small hut. "I should go and help with the whale."
"The same whale?" Azula asked after he left.
"A second," Katara said with audible relief. "I would have been here when you got back but we were on the kayak."
"What time is it?"
"Early evening." Katara handed her a small cup of what Azula realized was her opiate extract and brushed her forehead again. "Drink. Tell me if you start feeling feverish again. Dad said you breathed seawater."
"Admittedly not my smartest decision."
"Why did he take you out there?"
Azula shook her head. "I just managed to win your father's tenuous approval. I don't think telling you every detail of the morning is a good way to maintain the relationship."
"What you're saying is he's in big trouble." Katara's ominous pronouncement was softened with a smile. "Drink," she said again.
Azula did as bid, sighing in relief as her throat relaxed. Katara put her hands on Azula's robed back and commanded, "Breathe in. Breathe out."
Azula did so. She felt no resistance of fluid in her lungs and Katara made a soft noise of approval. When she moved away, Azula pushed back the furs and opened the silk robe she'd been dressed in. Her left leg had a new scar. She probed the flesh. It was tender and a little swollen, but there was no heat under her skin. Katara must have seen to her wounds; she didn't remember it.
Her voice was smoother after the medicine. "How embarrassing. Between us, your father and I couldn't even manage a seal. Yet you've landed two whales in as many days." She slowly stretched her back, bending at the waist. It didn't feel like the bear had bruised or cracked any of her ribs. Then again, Katara could have seen to that too.
"You killed the polar bear dog that's been terrorizing us for months."
That was welcome news; she hated the thought of a second one wandering around. "It only took a toddler, a princess, and a chief. The toddler took a little nap, the princess took a little dip, and the chief took all the credit."
Azula felt a shiver of dread that Katara would ask the obvious question of why she didn't kill the bear with fire. In her state, she didn't think she could lie, not even to avoid the obvious fallout. Then again, Katara didn't seem concerned in the least about Azula possibly suffering hypothermia or frostbite. "Are you alright?"
Katara heaved a shaky sigh. "If I had been there, I would be a nervous wreck. Ana loves animals so much, but she has trouble understanding some animals should never be approached. Not to mention that sleds are not for napping." She pushed Azula gently back into her bed and kissed her. "Thank you."
Azula fingered the heavy braid of Katara's hair and accepted her weight. She took a deep breath in a sigh that Katara mirrored against her. "I'm glad she wasn't hurt."
Katara shivered at the thought, and Azula ran her hands up and down Katara's back in reassurance. She asked, "Do they need your help with the whale?"
A nod was the reply, but Katara didn't rise. Azula pushed her back gently and kissed her. "I'll follow. I just need to stretch."
"Don't push too hard." Katara kissed her mouth. "Eat some of the soup that's in the pot before you come out." Another kiss. "I dried out your parka and patched it…one day and you already put a hole in it." Another kiss. "Oh, and try to avoid the ocean this time." Katara gave her one last kiss before she left.
It was only as she dressed that Azula realized her mistake. She should have asked Katara to pull her hair back before she left. Now she had the unpleasant job of combing her hair out with Katara's bone comb. She frowned in concentration as she tied a leather thong to gather the hair at the base of her neck. It took three tries before she managed to gather it all and not leave an unseemly lump at the top of her head. Well, she hoped she hadn't; there wasn't a mirror in the hut.
With that task finished, Azula limped out onto the ice towards laughter and voices. As she walked, her leg loosened and the awkward stiffness of her healed wound went away. Katara was in a class of her own with her healing talents.
Under different circumstances, Azula would have assumed a horrible battle had taken place to stain the ice along the bay with so much blood. Instead of the screams and pleadings that were involved with violent deaths, she heard laughter and chatter.
The whale had been reduced to its under layer of muscle, several large piles of pink blubber, and viscera scattered across the ice. A few men now worked to free strips of dark muscle with long double-edged knives on poles.
The flukes of the whale had been removed in two pieces, and two women were slicing through the thick pink fat and muscle beneath the hide. Two teenagers close by were stripping the gut of the whale. Perhaps it could be used like komodo rhino gut to make tough string for nets or fishing line or thread.
The mouth of the whale had been opened—actually, the mandible had been removed entirely—and its baleen was fanned out in an impressive display. A few villagers were working at the base of the mouth, gradually freeing the long whalebone strips from the carcass.
A childish peal of laughter drew her attention. Azula recognized Ana's parka by sight—the pretty white and purple swirls of water across the whole lower half of it—now that she'd seen it framed in that moment of adrenaline when the polar bear dog reared towards her. Ana ran towards her, and Azula knew enough about children to bend down.
She ached, and she was afraid her tired muscles would seize up. She'd been too lazy with her stretches, and she needed to put in a good workout the next morning. Despite that, she was able to wrap her arms around Ana and straighten with the little girl in her arms. Even in the mass of parka, Ana didn't weigh much.
"You are never to hide away in a sled again."
Ana's smile faded when she saw Azula's serious expression. She began to pout—not in bratty emotion but in honest unhappiness. Obviously Katara had had a long talk with her so she didn't plan to make this particularly painful for either one of them. "You were almost killed. You made your mother very upset. Never do that again. Do you understand?"
Slowly, Ana nodded.
"In the future, if an animal is snarling at you, don't approach it."
"Are you still hurted?"
"No, I'm not hurt, sweetie." Azula let her expression break into a smile—even though she balked at using her mother's endearment, dear Agni, what?—and Ana immediately responded with her own grin.
"Azuwa!" the girl giggled.
"Azula," she corrected mildly before she could think better of it.
Ana nodded. "Azuwa," she repeated.
Azula sighed. "I suppose that's close enough." She'd learned that correcting a young child's mispronunciations was always and forever an exercise in futility. Ana would learn to pronounce her liquid consonants soon enough.
The little girl's nose was running, which was especially apparent when she leaned close and gave Azula a wet kiss on her cheek. Azula admirably suppressed a shudder. She appreciated the kiss; she didn't appreciate the snot. Azula would much rather deal with her bearded cat's vomit than a child's mucus any day.
"Mommy said to give this to you."
Azula freed a hand to take the gift. Ana put the object in her mitten. She almost mistook it for a shell. It had a flat whirling lip like a shell, but instead of the usual glossy finish of shells, it was full of small holes and ruts. It was about the length and width of her palm. Azula turned it in her fingers curiously. "Thank you very much. What is it?"
Ana tugged on Azula's ear shyly.
"When someone tells you 'thank you', you should reply with…"
"You're wecome," Ana said dutifully. Yes, this was Katara's child. Katara had used that particular lesson with Azula so many times she felt a certain glee at being able to use it on another person. Ana had responded in kind, but Azula usually responded with a rude gesture.
"Tell me in words what this is."
"Ear bone," Ana said. "Of the whawe."
Azula raised an eyebrow as she regarded the strange bone in her hand. Ana giggled shyly, showing her baby teeth as she did so. Azula looked at her for a moment, then crossed her eyes and puffed out her cheeks. Ana's reaction was much like Azula's niece and nephew: shrieking laughter. Children were so easy to please; make a funny face and you were their new best friend. If only Hakoda worked like that too. That would have saved everyone a lot of grief.
She finally caught sight of Katara, who was with a few other women cutting long strips of whale skin into smaller pieces. Katara was watching her with an odd expression that melted into a tender smile. Even after all these years, that particular smile still warmed her. Katara motioned Azula over.
"You beckoned?" Azula said drolly as she approached. The women working with Katara watched Azula curiously. "Hi." She smiled in what she hoped was a welcoming way.
"Eat."
Azula dubiously accepted the slice of raw blubber that Katara put in her mouth. Ana opened her mouth and said, "Ahhh!" Katara gave her a piece as well. Azula got a good look at it then: pink blubber attached to a piece of black skin. Not exactly the most appetizing thing she'd ever had in her mouth. Ana began to crunch happily on her mouthful. It crunched?
"This is Lia and Mina."
Of course Katara would introduce someone just after she'd put something in Azula's mouth. She nodded wordlessly; the women grinned up at her. Azula turned her attention to the bite in her mouth.
The taste was fishy, rather like the tender inland raw fish. It was not unexpectedly oily—obviously it would be if it was blubber—but it did have an odd buttery consistency. The piece of skin was the source of the illogical crunch. Instead of the satisfying crunch of vegetables, this had a grisly crunch of cartilage. She gave it two ineffective chews and just swallowed it whole like an oyster. The taste that remained in her mouth was strangely sweet.
All three of the women were watching her reaction with slowly widening grins. The indignity of it… She turned back to the one person who was taking her seriously. "Ana, what do you call it?"
"Whawe candy!" Ana giggled. She began to shift in Azula's arms, a cue for Azula to set her down. When back on the ground, she ran towards a group of small children playing inland of them. There seemed to be a young adult chaperoning them. "Not too far!" Katara called, in a shockingly strong mommy-voice.
Azula settled on her knees next to Katara. She wanted to try whatever it was they were doing. "This cannot be beyond my abilities."
"I'm going to remind you that you said that when you cut off your finger."
Azula pulled off a mitten to show Katara her middle finger. "This one?"
The other women giggled. Katara rolled her eyes, muttered something about 'respect', and handed her a sharp knife with a thin blade. It looked like a filleting knife by Azula's unpracticed eye. Katara demonstrated the correct cut of slicing a slender strip of the long, wide patches of flesh that had come from the whale. Azula put her bare hand on the ivory knife handle. She mimicked Katara and soon fell into a rhythm.
In the wake of their silence, she said, "I found an old scroll lost in a corner of the archives about these whales. It was written by an Earth Kingdom zoologist that tracked a pod of these whales about a century ago. He was hosted here, in fact, and tasted one of the whales he'd spent his life studying. He described it as a very spiritual experience."
"Dork," Katara muttered.
"I am learned, not a dork."
Katara rolled her eyes and mimicked Azula's voice for her next statement. "By 'learn-ed', you mean awkwardly bookish."
"And you say I'm disrespectful, darling."
"I could just call you doofus and be done with it," Katara retorted.
Their conversation incited a round of giggles from the other two women. In the Fire Nation, Azula wouldn't have stood for it except from her family. And yet here… This community acted like a big family. The informality of it was almost freeing. Here laughter had a different connotation. Noble giggles hid sharp sneers, and this laughter was honest happiness.
"Azula," said one of them. Mina, with the scar across her left eyebrow. "This must seem like such a small place to you. Katara said you've seen Ba Sing Se and Omashu."
Well, there was no reason to soften that truth. "I conquered Ba Sing Se," she corrected mildly, earning a look of surprise. "It was impressively horrid for its biased class system, but the Dai Li police was extraordinary, despite being wasted on Long Feng's drivel. They're mine now, and I must say I use them better than Long Feng ever did.
"But here… I had no idea what to expect of a place that exists on ice. This is…" She looked around her. "...exotic to me. And it has proven to be more exciting than the endless political posturing I put up with in Capital City."
Her words had pleased them. She asked her own question, glancing back at where the men were removing the ribs from the whale's carcass. "How do you divide such a large resource?"
Lia offered the answer with a shy smile. She wore blue and white beads in a few thin braids in her hair. It had a pretty effect. "The best is the fluke. We divide that between our elders and the whale hunters. The blubber we store and distribute to all the families."
"The whale is our rice and oil," Katara elaborated, indicating it was their mainstay with the idiom. "Baleen will be jewelry and baskets and reinforcement for spears and bows. The ribs we'll use to make another hut for a family still in a tent. Its other bones will be used for weapons and tools. The gut we can make into fishing line and netting. We even make drums out of the membrane that covers the liver and lungs."
Azula considered what they told her now about the whale and remembered what Katara had said about raising the spear only to see the sacrifice the whale made for her people. Perhaps it was spiritual to eat the flesh of the whale they hunted. Every part of it would go into a different aspect of their lives.
When the other two women got up to haul long strips of blubber across the ice to add to their pile to pare down, Azula turned to Katara. "Is there a symbolic meaning to this?" She held out the ear bone.
Katara folded Azula's fingers over it. "It's a gift. For you."
"Yes, but what does it mean?"
Katara hesitated; the look she gave Azula in that moment was uncharacteristically wary. "The spirit of the whale stays with its skull. We deliver the spirit back to the sea with the skull, but a small bit of it—the ear bones—will stay on land. The whale chooses who will carry a piece of its spirit."
What an interesting belief. Azula traced her thumb along the lip of the dense bone. She didn't hold much stake in animal spirits, but she knew what a blessing was when she saw one. At least one person in this village had given her their approval. "Is there a proper thing to do with the spirit?"
Katara's relief was palpable; she swallowed and blinked back tears. "Remember."
"Can I have another bit of your whale candy in remembrance then?"
"I thought you didn't like it."
"It wasn't what I expected, but it certainly wasn't bad." Azula hoped that Katara understood she meant it about more than the whale. "But in the future, refrain from feeding me new and strange things before you introduce me to your people."
Katara smirked guiltily. She sliced another piece and placed it in Azula's mouth. Azula took more time to enjoy the flavor and didn't attempt to chew the skin at all. This bite was much more pleasant. To her surprise, Katara pulled her into a gentle kiss. When they drew back, Katara looked at her in a way that made Azula shiver. There was tenderness there, but there was also desire. Even with her aching body and her exhaustion, Azula's body reacted.
"That'll keep your teeth from falling out, by the way," Katara said quite unromantically.
Those words were enough to distract her. Azula adopted an indignant tone. "My teeth are in no danger of falling out, I assure you."
"They would be if you couldn't eat citrus fruit every day, like us...so we eat whale skin." Katara nodded to the dark skin of the whale in her hands. She gave a knowing smile. "I know how much you like random information."
Azula pondered that for a minute. How fascinating. Who would have thought whale skin and orangefruit had that in common? She would have to send for texts on whales from the university in Ba Sing Se and perhaps from the North Pole.
By Katara's slow smile, she guessed what Azula was thinking. She said, "I was thinking we could go out tomorrow night."
Azula couldn't begin to guess what those words meant in this context. If the South Pole had theater, she would eat her parka hood. "Go out where?"
"Of the village."
"As long as it doesn't involve a polar bear dog or a seal hole, I think I can clear my schedule for you."
"Clear it. I'll make sure." Katara leaned close and kissed her gently on the mouth once more. "You look tired."
"Today was a little more exciting than I had hoped," Azula admitted.
"I should have known all I needed to do was have you and Dad together for a few minutes for you to win him over. And then almost get yourself killed."
"Of course. I'm a people person."
Katara leaned in for another kiss. Her lips were curved into a smile. "You should probably go see your parents and let them know you're okay. Then you should go lie down. You'll have the chance to help us with another whale soon."
Azula stood and stretched to soften the pain in her sore muscles. She was twenty-seven years old, surely not old enough to miss her teenage body during the war. She hoped it was more a matter of no longer being used to the constant stretching and bruising and burning of her muscles. She'd grown soft. Better than growing old.
Azula drew up short when she realized Zuko would be turning thirty soon. She needed to start planning that gift, didn't she?
Villagers greeted her as she passed, and Azula nodded to them because she assumed that was appropriate. She was surprised by their familiarity. "Halkarata!" one of the younger men called to her.
In the old tongue, that was roughly 'wrestle with bear'. They'd been spreading rumors about her little incident that morning then. She allowed a smile. "I like that name."
The boy dropped his knife in surprise, and his friends slapped him on the back and laughed.
The sailors on the ship were more formal; she was, after all, their princess. They paused in their tasks to bow as she passed. Captain Lee alone had the appropriate camaraderie to greet her with her title. He admitted her into his captain's cabin with a wary smile. "Princess, may I help you?"
"Are my parents aboard?"
"In their estate cabin, Princess."
She stepped into the hallway. The iron and steel had been coated with thick paint to ward off rust, and they'd used a bright color to reduce the cave-like quality of the narrow hallway. After seeing so much openness through the day, the color didn't help. The floor was covered in a woven runner that had seen better days. Azula walked down the hallway and took the narrow winding staircase up to the next level.
When she knocked on the estate cabin door, Iroh greeted her with a quick hug that surprised her. By his expression, she'd worried him. "You heard about my little swim, then."
His smile was rueful. "Come, have some tea and reassure your mother you are alright."
The two estate cabins on the ship were the only places in the vessel that had wooden flooring. It was so heavily polished it would probably never catch fire. The reds and golds of the room were strange on her eyes even after only a day in the Southern Water Tribe. Azula caught sight of herself in the mirror across the room and started. In this parka with her hair loosely clasped, she looked like a much different person.
Ursa sat at the low table in the center of the cabin, her teacup already cradled in her hands. The still waters of the bay apparently had eased her seasickness. "You're going to send me to an early grave with all these brushes with death, Azula. I get a horrible pain right in my—"
"Yes, enough about your phantom labor pains. Believe me, it's not purposeful."
Iroh sat down beside Ursa and asked a pointed question. "When did you rediscover your fire?"
That surprised her. She'd expected to be peppered with questions about Ana and the polar bear dog incident, not her lack of bending. She shook off her parka jacket and mittens in this too warm fire-heated room and sat down across the table from her parents. "I haven't. Why would you ask?"
"Show us your hands."
Azula placed her hands on the table and spread her fingers. Her parents regarded them with concentration, and Azula looked down as well.
She had a long raised scar across the back of her right hand where she'd torn it open arresting her fall at the Western Air Temple. Her left hand had a few old training scars across her knuckles and a burn scar that rounded her wrist. Ozai had given her that one. These hands looked the same as they always had, aside from the dried whale blood beneath her fingernails. She frowned at her dirty fingernails, surprised she hadn't noticed until now.
"No frostbite. At all," Iroh pointed out.
She sensed where he was going. "Hakoda was prompt with care."
"You were submerged in freezing water and left in the freezing air for some time, Azula. Are you telling me you didn't use heatbending to warm your body?"
She hesitated. Her memories were semi-lucid after she'd been ripped from the water. She remembered a conscious shift between being numb, then cold, then spreading her heat, but whether it was physiologic or psychologic, she couldn't guess.
"You did heatbend?" Ursa squeezed one of her hands. "That's wonderful, Azula!"
"It wasn't conscious," Azula replied, far less certain than her parents. "I'm not entirely sure I managed. I was a little delirious." She said the last scornfully even as she remembered Ana snuggling close and whispering, 'You're warm', in that so cold sled.
"We should meditate together," Iroh said with more enthusiasm than she'd measured in him in a long time. "We can work on your heatbending in the cold. Perhaps that's where we should have started in the first place. The contrast may be what you need to see your own fire."
Azula sat at that table and looked between her parents and realized the absolute oddity of her situation. They wanted her to firebend, and she didn't in that moment care. While the thought that she might have used bending of some sort pleased her, she'd given up on her firebending long ago. It wasn't worth this enthusiasm. She wasn't here to use the South Pole to regain her firebending; she was here for Katara.
"I've been meditating and practicing katas and doing breathing exercises—attempting to bend—for over ten years without any effect. Sharing meditation today will do nothing."
"Azula, we can—"
"Not today," she said firmly, albeit gently. "If my firebending comes back, it will. If it doesn't, it won't."
Ursa's face tightened in disagreement, but Iroh wore a much different expression. He looked proud. He squeezed her hand and cut off Ursa's protests. "Then, my daughter, that is what we will do. Enjoy your time with Katara and don't worry about us."
He leaned over the table and kissed her forehead.
Katara was right, as she usually was; Azula should have left and gone straight to bed. Instead, she fell asleep over tea and woke up to the soft sounds of her mother reading. She peeled her face off of the polished wooden table with a wince. "Ow," she said in part jest as her muscles unfroze again. "How long was I asleep?"
"Only a little while," Ursa answered. She got up from the settee to sit down across the Azula. "What do you think about Katara's little girl? Are you alright with her?"
Azula rubbed her face and considered her answer. Now she could look at the situation a little more objectively. Katara had hidden Ana, but only because of the distance between them. She'd protected her little girl from what she'd assumed would be an absent mother. The sting was still there, but Azula resolved that Katara would never feel that way again.
"Yes, I am. We resolved a few conflicts yesterday." Azula thought of the unique personality she'd seen flashes of in just one day. Her next words were a compliment: "Ana will prove to be a handful."
"I know you think I'm just nagging you about having children, but I think you'd be a wonderful mother. I know how much you loved holding Tozin and Rina as babies. I would never want you to miss out on that joy." Ursa took her hand with a hopeful smile.
"I have a daughter now," Azula pointed out in gentle warning. She hoped Ursa got the hint: Ana would not be treated as anything less than Azula's child.
Ursa hesitated, but then she smiled gently. "Yes, you do. But you can have more." Ursa raised her hands to ward off Azula's retort. "Think about it, please; that's all I ask."
Azula couldn't be irritated by that statement. She got to her feet and pulled on her parka jacket. Ursa rounded the table and reached out to brush her fingers along the shoulders of Azula's parka. "That's beautiful."
Azula felt a puff of pride that surprised her. "Katara made it."
"Really?" Ursa ran a finger along one seam. "Amazing. I had a hard enough time when I tried to work with silk and linen. I can't imagine working with leather."
Rarely if ever did Ursa talk about her life in Ba Sing Se. Zuko had told Azula that he'd found Ursa in a clothier shop. As a noblewoman, Ursa probably thought what she did there was demeaning to her station. Azula treaded carefully now despite her curiosity. "Were you a seamstress?"
"Agni no," Ursa replied with a little laugh. "I couldn't sew a straight seam to save my life. I worked for the seamstress. She was very good at what she did, but she couldn't read or write and couldn't do figures. I balanced her finances and handled advertising and orders, which allowed us to move from the outer ring of Ba Sing Se." Ursa shook her head. "What an awful city. You were right to want to change it."
"Do you keep track of her?"
"You can be assured that I don't think of her at all," Ursa replied darkly, her eyes seeing something other than Azula's parka. "I owe her a great deal, but my care is not one of those things."
Those years had been dark times for them all, apparently. Azula leaned to her mother and kissed her cheek. Ursa went wide-eyed and then burst into tears. "My goodness," Azula said dryly. "I can't say I've ever made anyone cry by kissing them."
"Oh, shut up." Ursa pulled her in for a tight hug. "You're a good woman. I'm proud of you."
Azula pulled back and cleared her throat. "Yes, well, before this becomes a bloodbath of teary mother-daughter moments, I think I'll save us the indignity."
Ursa patted her cheek with a smile. "Go to Katara."
It was the best piece of advice that her mother had ever given her. A few minutes later, Azula stepped out into the cold of the South Pole. Her internal clock told her it was late in the day, but the sun was still well above the horizon. Her eyes were drawn to where Iroh and Kanna stood together at the railing of the ship, looking out into the still waters of the bay.
Kanna saw her watching them. She didn't smile. "Come with me."
Iroh reached out and squeezed Azula's shoulder as he passed by.
Kanna took hold of Azula's elbow in a surprisingly strong grip as they stepped out onto the ice. Instead of leading them towards the village, Kanna steered them parallel to the edge of the ice. They were silent; the only sounds Azula heard were the crunching of snow under their boots and the distant hubbub of the whale slaughter.
This was probably another test. She was far more worried about gaining Kanna's approval than she had been about Hakoda's.
"My son worried you were keeping Katara as your sexual plaything," the old woman said dryly. Before Azula could respond, Kanna continued. "I never feared that. Katara would never stand for such a thing. She is a unique woman. I knew that for you to be her lover, you must see that too."
An endorsement? Azula waited for the 'but'.
Kanna turned them to face across the bay ice. In the distance, Azula saw the remains of the whale, little more than a skeleton now. The giant skull had been separated from the other bones, and a woman—Katara—swept her arms in a long roll, guiding the ocean to wrap around the skull to draw it back into its depths…returning its soul to the sea. Azula fingered the ear bone in her pocket as she watched the skull slip out of view. In the background, the village sat, quaint but merry, with several of its huts giving off soft smoke from their fire pits. Beyond that, frozen tundra sparkled in the sun.
"This is her home," Kanna said quietly.
"I know." She'd always known that. She'd always respected it.
Kanna squeezed Azula's elbow and continued, "This is her home, but she's unhappy when she's here because she misses you." Kanna turned a long look to Azula, pinning her with her gaze. "And I think when she's with you, she's unhappy because she misses her home."
Azula felt the sharp sting of Kanna's quiet disapproval. She'd been selfish, and it hurt to have that pointed out.
Kanna patted her hand. "Good," she said quietly. She smiled. "I knew you would understand. Come, it's time to go home."
-TBC-