Chapter 12 – On the other side

[ Rin's POV]

Twenty-three months. That's, what, a year and eleven months?

Anyway, twenty-three months. That's how long Haru held out for.

I always did wonder how he kept up until that long.

He didn't hold out until Christmas though. It was only our second Christmas together.

~.~.~.~

Black. There was black everywhere. Black suits, black shirts, black ties, black dresses, black blouses, black skirts, black hats, black shoes, black sunglasses. There was some white mixed in with it, but other than these colours, there was nothing.

His body was there, in a shiny wooden coffin, ready to be incinerated.

We all got a chance to have one last look at the Haru we all knew. But we were all just staring at an empty shell.

I mean, would all his distant relatives know Haru's little quirks just by looking at his dead body? The fact that he can't resist water? The fact that he loved to eat fish? The fact that he seemed to be cold and distant but he actually cared? The fact that he is a genius in drawing? The fact that his smile, although small, can warm up the coldest winter nights?

I don't think so.

Haru's face looked angelic. He wasn't wearing a smile, but his expression was that of when he was floating in water, ignorant to the world, floating in pure bliss. And I wanted, no, needed him to stay ignorant.

I could feel the tears welling up again. Even though my eyes felt puffy and sore form last night's crying, the tears were coming for me again. My chest felt so painful. Everything inside it was constricting so badly.

~.~.~.~

Haru was sleeping. He was sleeping soundly now. Very soundly.

His chest didn't rise or fall with each breath he took. He wasn't breathing at all.

The machine to tell us Haru's heart rate was beside me, and I could hear the long beep sound. His heart had stopped.

Funny, the beeping sound reminded me of that summer day when Haru, Makoto, Nagisa and I went cicada hunting.

I had called the nurses, but I knew that even the best surgeons wouldn't be able to do anything. Incurable disease. That's what the doctors have said. That's what everyone else had said. That's what Haru had said. And now, I believe it. It's incurable. There's no way to save him.

~.~.~.~

The fire was a scorching mix of red, orange, yellow and blue.

Blue, Haru's favourite colour.

They closed the incinerator, not wanting us to watch any longer.

The heat that was emitted form the machine was burning my skin. Burning my heart along with Haru.

The ashes, the remains of Haru's body were kept in a blue porcelain vase with a pattern of dolphins on it. "His grandmother's old vase" Haru's mother had said.

Taking it to the beach (it wasn't that far away since the funeral was held near the sea), Haru was set free. His parents had attempted to throw his remains into the water, but the wind had picked up and blew the ashes up into the sky until it disappeared from our sight.

Were the gods so cruel?

First, they diagnosed Haru with that bone disease. Then they didn't make a cure. When Haru's remains were about to hit the waves he loved the most, the gods just had to blow wind and take the ashes up into the air, which I am sure Haru wouldn't like.

Stupid gods.

~.~.~.~

I chugged down my whiskey. It was warm and it was setting my throat and lungs on fire.

Even my heart.

I sat in front of the empty grave. Haru's empty grave.

His picture was there, a picture which didn't show any signs of a smile unless you squinted really, really hard. I could tell though. His shoulders were much more relaxed, his posture wasn't too straight. There was a hint of his lips curling up at the sides.

Out of my jacket pocket, I took out a photo of Haru that I've taken at the hospital. He seemed embarrassed by such a sudden shot, blush dusting his cheeks, eyes wide. I traced my fingers over his face. He looks so beautiful. Ever since the first day I met him, he has been so.

I took another swing and finished the bottle in two more gulps. It tasted good.

Today is the 30th of June. Haru's birthday.

I've been coming here almost every day for the past three years.

Three years since Haru died.

"Yo, Haru." I looked long and hard at the picture on the grave.

"You know, a lot of things have happened today." No answer. But I was used to that.

I began telling Haru all about today's events. Whenever I ran out of things to say, I read the headlines from the newspaper.

The other families who come to visit the dead's graves must think I'm crazy.

Like that couple over there, they've been staring at me for a while.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! If only you were here, Haru. Look at their faces!

You know what Haru? I couldn't bring myself to go back to that hospital. I couldn't look at the pool next to it. I couldn't look at your special room in the hospital. That's because I would cry. I would be pained. That's because all I could see when I'm there is you.

I've got money, I'm out working now. Oh, and here's the good part. I bought your house!

Funny, isn't it? I couldn't stand going back to the hospital, but I can stand living in your house!

Maybe it's because that even if it hurts, I need to see you, Haru. I really need to see you. Even if it is just for a while.

I never touched your room. That's yours. I understand your privacy.

I live in one of the spare rooms instead. The one with the small window and big table.

I miss you Haru.

I miss you until it hurts. I miss you until I'm crying almost every night when I can feel your ghost in the house. I miss you until I've even thought about killing myself just to be with you.

I miss you so much...

Why did it have to be you, Haru?

Why?

Why?!

Crappy ending, I know. But I'm thinking of writing a sequel to this. If anyone wants to read the sequel, please let me know through the reviews!

Thank you all for reading, favouriting and reviewing my story!

Until next time!