Chapter 15: Chasing dragons
They were getting ready for bed when someone knocked on the wooden support of Katara's hut. Despite the cliché about the general frenzy of a wedding night, Azula was almost too happy to want sex. Not that they wouldn't make love. Sokka had promised Ana would not be brought to them in the middle of the night tonight. He'd mentioned being terrified of seeing his baby sister 'in flagrante delicto'. He hadn't pronounced it right, but Azula had been kind enough not to mention it.
At the sound of the knock, Katara's brow furrowed. She glanced at Azula, who shrugged.
"Come in."
Sokka stuck his head in the hut and peaked in at them through his fingers. He heaved an exaggerated sigh of relief, but something about his manner was off. "Phew. I was afraid I'd interrupt something that would scar me for life. Gran Gran wanted me to tell you that Pakku wants to talk to you—both of you."
Katara's hand tightened on Azula's. So that was the reason for the lines of worry around Sokka's eyes.
The sun was still bright as they walked across the village. There were only a few people out, and they smiled and waved.
The first thing Azula noticed when they ducked into Kanna's hut was the heavy scent of incense. It brought an uncomfortable emotional response to her: a memory of the screaming agony and waking nightmares that had plagued her during her bouts with pneumonia. Her physician had burned this incense to open her lungs and calm her. Now as she smelled it, panic rose and she felt her lungs close.
Katara squeezed her hand, and Azula took a healthy breath. She wasn't sick; she wasn't weak. She'd recovered. There was no reason to fear this smell.
This building was much closer to a house than any other in the village, probably a statement to the great respect Kanna had earned from her peers. There was even a small room cut off from the general room by a flap of leather.
Kanna looked up from the warm coals. She smiled and motioned them closer. Katara, then Azula, accepted a kiss from her. Her smile was tight with sadness. "He wants to speak to both of you."
Katara ducked under the leather flap and Azula followed her. The smell of a sour body, age, and incense were stronger here.
Pakku was a thin body in a pile of sleeping furs. His facial hair was white and thin, shaved into a neat goat-trim. Despite his smell, his face and hair were clean. Azula realized that Kanna lovingly tended to this man, shaving his cheeks and washing him every day when he was unable to.
Pakku opened his eyes and turned to look at them. Katara took his hand. "Pakku," she said clearly. "How are you feeling?"
His smile was weak but real. "I'm a happy old man, knowing you're finally married. It only took you ten years." He turned his head to Azula and held out a hand. She took it. His palm was dry and his grip was surprisingly strong. To Azula's surprise, he said, "You're Iroh's daughter."
"How do you know my father?"
"We are of the White Lotus."
"I see." He had just earned her respect for that fact. The White Lotus was an elite organization. He'd betrayed himself as a powerful man. It came as no surprise that Iroh was one of them too.
His grip tightened slightly, and his gaze was steady. "You love Katara?"
"Yes."
"Take care of her."
"When she lets me."
He smiled. "Damn hard thing with such a headstrong woman, isn't it?"
His eyes lost focus for a moment, then he released Azula's hand and turned back to Katara. "Live your life, Katara. Make yourself happy. Don't make the same mistake I did."
What did that mean? Katara nodded wordlessly and blinked out a few slow tears. "I love you, Pakku," she said quietly. "I'm sorry that I couldn't help you."
Pakku smiled. "Come now. You've kept a sick, crotchety man comfortable. Cared for me like a granddaughter. That's how I think of you…as my granddaughter."
Katara's shoulders trembled as she held down more tears. She nodded and kissed his hand, then his cheek. "Grandfather Pakku."
His smile slowly spread across his face. "You make me a happy old man. Now go enjoy your wedding night. Try not to keep your neighbors up."
Azula had to respect an ill man who kept such a dry sense of humor.
As they walked in the quiet evening, Katara's tears continued. Azula wasn't sure why she was so sad. Sokka and Kanna's manner had been dark too. The old woman had sent them away rather sharply when Katara had offered to sit with her. "Why are you crying? He seemed better than you described."
Katara shook her head. "You've never tended to someone dying."
Azula waited for the explanation.
"There's a…rebound. A person can go months on their deathbed, then for one day be so lucid. Usually it's a sign that they're ready to move on. To die."
Katara was already grieving for the man. She wished she could take the pain away, but this was a part of who Katara was.
"Surely you don't blame yourself."
Katara shook her head with a rueful smile. "I used to think I could heal anyone and anything with my waterbending. I looked down on your physician. Who needs poultices, herbs, and incense when I can just use some water and tweak a little chi? And then…" Katara shivered and drew closer. "Then I sat there, water in my hands, ready to heal the wound through your throat, and I realized I had no idea all the structures that were there: nerves, muscles, bone, cartilage, veins, arteries, lymph nodes. I'm still surprised I didn't kill you."
"You saved my life," Azula said, not liking Katara's words.
"Your physician did just as much as I did. Even with his help, I couldn't fix you." Katara smiled tightly. "That made me a better healer, realizing it. Your physician taught me just as much about healing as any master waterbender. And even knowing as much as I do, all I can do for Pakku is keep him comfortable."
Azula squeezed her hand, sensing a heavy loneliness in her lover…her wife. "Do you want me to get Ana?"
Katara's nod was weak. Azula kissed her gently. "Go home. I'll go get her."
So then, on their wedding night, she and Katara held each other fully clothed and listened to the comforting sounds of Ana's sleep. Azula didn't let herself fall asleep until Katara had, but it took her wife a long time to find peace.
Pakku's funeral had much the same structure as the wedding had. The ceremony was solemn, with many of the tribe members stepping forward to speak good words about the man who had passed in the night. After his burial at sea came quiet communion, sharing of food, and subdued laughter and stories that gradually escalated into a party.
Kanna grieved quietly, but there was also relief in her manner, which she explained partly with her words before Pakku's body was given back to the sea. "We had many happy years together. I'm glad you've found a better place to be now. Don't stray too far, Pakku. I'll find you when I pass, and we won't part again."
Azula was surprised that Katara didn't speak. Instead, Katara reached out for her grandmother, and they hugged each other close and cried quietly in each other's arms. When Azula heard Katara murmur to Kanna, she realized whatever Katara had to say was only for her grandmother.
Iroh did give a few words, provoking quiet laughter despite the sadness of this ceremony. "Pakku, you are the only other man in this world who also enjoys crushed liquorish bark tea. We did not know each other well, but we shared that simple truth that is the greatest between two old men: exquisite taste in tea. I will think of you every time I drink it. Enjoy your rest and try out all the news teas for me."
They dropped his body wrapped in weighted cloth into the ocean, where it sank to its final resting place.
The town hall saw its second gathering in as many days. Kanna retired quickly, likely to grieve in private. She was a strong woman; she had to be to raise her grandchildren alone during the war. Strong women like that didn't often share their emotional burdens. Azula knew that well; she'd married Katara.
She was a little surprised that Katara didn't retire herself. Instead, they stayed in the town hall while food and alcohol were passed around and stories were told. Some of the stories involved Pakku—Katara described meeting the man, much to the enjoyment of the tribe who knew both individuals well—but many stories did not. Perhaps it was more about the spirit of community. Pakku's passing was a celebration of his life, and any man or woman that was a part of this community was celebrated by laughter and happiness.
Azula had learned a great deal about Katara's community and in turn about Katara since her arrival the week before. She learned even more through that day with all the stories they told. Stories were of foreign things: hunting, ice dodging, dog sledding, animal spirits, and the aurora sky. There were also stories of very familiar things: courting, drunkenness, love, coming of age, and family.
Azula's favorite legend told that day was of Rakka, a great icy serpent that coveted the temperate lands of the ancient world. Rakka used her considerable power to throw her icy scales across a small piece of land, breaking it apart from the rest. Triumphant but weak, she crawled ashore on her claimed island to regain her energy. But the land was too hot for her. She melted onto it. Yet when it floated to rest close to the cold southern pole, Rakka's home, her essence refroze, and her fierce prideful spirit remained to guard this land she had claimed.
It was the perfect legend to explain how this land and its people came to be. The Southern Water Tribe was proud of their home, and they trusted this inhospitable place to provide the resources they needed to thrive. This was not a place of poverty; it was a place of richness.
Ana sat with Katara for much of the afternoon. As little as she was, she seemed to sense Katara needed comfort. She was as good as a rambunctious three year old could be in such a setting. Eventually Katara coaxed her to go sit with her uncle. Sokka sent them a grateful look across the room when she snuggled in his arms. Suki patted the little girl on the shoulder and gained a shy smile.
Perhaps it was no great surprise that Azula was asked for a story. Azula glanced at the people around her and realized with all she knew about Fire Nation history, she had not one story that was suitable for children. Fire Nation legends involved murder, sex, betrayal, and war. It wasn't appropriate for today. "I'm afraid Fire Nation history is rarely appropriate for mixed company."
"How do you train a dragon?" one man offered with a grin. Maybe he thought of the song they'd sung the day before.
Now that she could talk about. "It depends on the dragon. Dragons were like bearded cats, as contrary as that statement sounds. If they were handled soon after they hatched, they were fairly docile. They would choose who would ride them of course, but it was more a matter of feeding and attending to the dragon."
She smiled. Ana was watching her with wide eyes. Another interesting dangerous animal. "But feral dragons… They were a different sort of animal. It's no wonder in ancient times only the greatest firebenders ever rode a dragon. Firebenders and dragons alike share a love for battle and fire. That love of battle and fire was how a firebender became a dragon rider: by showing the dragon they were not only worthy but stronger.
"The longest recorded fight between dragon and firebender is said to have lasted four days. The firebender was one of my ancestors, and his dragon's descendant was ridden by my great-grandfather Sozin hundreds of years later. The man, Zin, and his dragon, Gore, started a wildfire so hot it scarred the eastern ridges of Flail Island; nothing grows there to this day. It's said they slept with one eye open to wait for the other to begin their battle anew. They exchanged fire, fought tooth and nail, and by the end of it they were so exhausted they slept against each other.
"And so when Zin woke the final time, he was taken upon his dragon's back, and his dragon flew him high enough to see the Fire Nation as if on a map. Legend says they just kept going, but in reality, Zin returned to the capital and seized the seat of power from his cousin. He reigned for almost eighty years. When he died, his dragon set his funeral pyre alight with his breath and lay down on it with him."
She was surprised to see Katara was crying quietly. She didn't think the tale was particularly sad. Azula put her arm around Katara, and her wife settled against her shoulder. "That was a happy ending," she told Katara, who began to laugh despite her tears.
In the early evening, Hakoda was drawn into the center of the room and persuaded to tell a tale. Everyone stopped their conversation and turned to the center of the hut. Azula realized he had been saved for last because he was the best story teller. She knew he was their chief, but she still had precious little idea of his responsibilities. Maybe this was one of them.
Hakoda considered for a moment as he looked around him. "What will we hear today?"
"Halkarata!" came several shouts.
"I didn't actually wrestle with the bear," Azula murmured to Katara, who hushed her.
Hakoda glanced at them both in hesitation that surprised Azula. Then she realized he must have guessed. Katara had been hinting at the truth about Azula's firebending though. What harm was the reality of this story, especially when Katara must already know that Azula didn't use fire against the bear?
Whatever Hakoda saw in her face made him accept the request. He cleared his throat. "Halkarata, it is. It all started when I decided to take my new daughter out on the fast ice to show her our ways."
"Actually, you were trying to scare me off," Azula butted in.
He shot her a glare as laughter echoed. "I'm the one telling this story."
"You certainly have an artistic license. I'm waiting for your story to end with taking tea on the hot beach of the South Pole with a kindly old polar bear dog."
"Shh," Katara hushed with a laugh. Azula raised her hands and settled back to listen.
Hakoda hunched his back and began a swooping walk between the two fire pits. He was playing the part of the polar bear dog, and he did it well: curling his lip, baring his teeth, and roaring. He went on all fours and rubbed his head against Ana. She giggled, "Gampaw!"
That prompted more laughter before Hakoda managed to get into the story. He described feeling very similar terror to Azula's seeing the bear stand in front of Ana. "Ice in my veins, no breath in my lungs. Ana standing within reach of a man-eater. I didn't know what to do.
"But Azula did. When my new daughter saw the bear, she didn't hesitate; she didn't think. She had no weapon and no time to get one. So she put her feet to the ice and ran!"
He mimed her. "She put her head down low and ran as fast as the wind."
He reared back and raised his arms, spreading his fingers like claws, and he roared. "The great bear reared to strike…" He lunged at a group of young girls, and they shrieked happily.
"And Azula put her shoulder down and…" He lunged with his shoulder down and lurched into a mimed strike. "And slammed into the great bear like—" He slammed his palms together in a loud clap. That same group of girls shrieked again, probably just for fun.
"I've never seen anything like it. The great bear, as big and as mean as any I've ever seen, reeled as if struck by another bear, not a woman! It fell back like a walrus!" He flopped back onto his side and swung his arm around. "And it swung its great paw! Azula's leg was caught as she fell, and down she went, once again a woman. A lone woman on the ice with a great bear full of rage. It lunged forward to bite!"
He lunged and snapped his teeth, invoking another set of girlish squeals. "Ana was away, in safety for the moment, but I still had ice in my veins. I was too far to throw my spear still. I was certain the bear would bite deep into Azula's body and take her spirit. But my new daughter didn't go that easily.
"The bear snapped." He mimed it again. "And she kicked it in the head! Once more!"
He lunged and snapped his teeth again.
"And Azula's foot landed true and broke its jaw! She killed the bear with her bare hands, for he would never again hunt or eat!" He twisted his mouth and stuck his tongue out one side. "The great bear's jaw was unhinged, and its tongue lolled out. But it still roared! It knew it would die, and such a black-hearted man-eater only wanted revenge before it passed."
He roared.
"And its great paw swung! My daughter-in-law was no match for a great polar bear dog paw. She rolled and cupped her head, but the great paw struck her back so hard she skidded across the ice like a penguin." He paused for dramatic effect.
"Straight into the seal hole!"
There were gasps. Everyone was clearly enjoying the story, and Hakoda was relishing it. He was certainly making her out to be a great deal cleverer than she'd actually been. Azula didn't remember much except the polar bear dog's drooling mouth.
"I threw my spear, and the gods guided it into the bear's black heart. I snatched up Ana and carried her with me as I ran to the seal hole. I prayed to all the spirits I knew that my hand would reach down and find Azula. If I lost her, I would lose my daughter.
"I shucked off my parka as I ran and reached!" He made a great gesture, miming plunging his hand into the seal hole.
"At first I felt nothing but cold and water. But the water spirits kept my fingers feeling and strong, and when I closed them, I caught her wrist! The spirits strengthened my hand, then my arms, and I pulled her out."
He grinned happily. "The best catch I've pulled out of the sea yet!"
The drama had fallen to humor. Laughter rang out, perhaps in part relief.
"And so, I gained another daughter, kept my own, and kept my granddaughter."
Several villagers turned to Azula and patted her shoulder and shook her hand. Katara's hand found hers and squeezed, then tugged. Azula understood the cue and rose, following Katara out into the evening sun. Instead of turning towards her hut, Katara led them out onto the bay ice.
"I'm going to ask you something," Katara said quietly. She was pale and sober, and she didn't look at Azula as she spoke. "And you're going to tell me the truth."
Even after accepting that this might happen, Azula felt the cold flush of fear. This was not a conversation they needed to have the day that Katara lost a man she considered family, but Azula wanted it over with no matter her own fear or Katara's certain hurt.
"Yes," Azula acquiesced quietly.
"How long has it been since you've been able to firebend?"
"Longer than you think."
"In years," Katara said, still so quiet.
"Twelve." She was surprised by the weight that lifted from her shoulders with that truth. She heaved a shaky sigh of relief at her admission and waited for Katara's reaction.
Katara stopped walking; her grip on Azula's hand tightened. She took a controlled breath that she exhaled in a steady white cloud. "Twelve ye—" Katara cut herself off to tightly say, "Thank you for finally telling me."
"You're angry."
"I'm very angry," Katara said quietly. She dropped Azula's hand and her fist clenched. "Twelve years. You accepted an Agni Kai challenge knowing you couldn't firebend. I can't believe you!" The volume of her voice had risen steadily, and Katara stopped to take another controlled breath. She bit her lip and closed her eyes. "I promised myself I wouldn't overreact, but I thought this was from your injuries. I thought you were protecting me… I can't believe you accused me of not trusting you. Twelve years."
"I'm sorry." What else could Azula say?
"Why? Why hide this from me?" Katara stiffened and turned to her sharply. Instead of anger, there was fear on her face. "Did Aang do this to you?"
"No."
Katara's shoulders relaxed and then squared again as she demanded, "Tell me what happened."
As if it were that easy. Azula felt a touch of anger even in the midst of her strange melange of emotion. "Nothing happened. If it had, I would have something to blame other than myself. I can't firebend because of my own failures."
Katara met her eyes. Her anger was great, but it was a slow simmer, not her usual sharp anger. Azula would rather shouting than this. "Something must have happened between me chaining you and you losing your bending. Tell me what it was."
"That isn't why—"
"Tell me!" This time Katara shouted. It was an ultimatum.
Now Azula had to take the steadying breath. "There's a museum under the Royal Palace. The defeated generals who didn't die in honorable combat have bits of themselves remaining there for posterity. It's an old tradition: the removal of fingernails and hair. I was placed in prison afterwards. And every day all I could think about were my failures."
"You mean they…they cut your fingernails?" Katara said, once again pale.
Surely Katara couldn't still be that naive about Fire Nation customs. "They cut my hair. They tore off my fingernails. Clearly both grew back."
Katara made a noise of pain, shook her head, and put her hand over her mouth for a long moment. "Where was Zuko?"
"He was busy," Azula said in quiet warning. "He's not to blame. Neither are you."
"How long was he busy?" Katara asked, her voice strained.
"A few months." Azula hedged that. She didn't want to add to the horror in Katara's face. The reality wasn't as bad as it sounded: a bit of pain and a long, long time to stew on the worst day of her life. "When I returned to the palace… My mother told me I wasn't crazy. I thought maybe I did deserve my firebending again. And when I reached for it…" She shook her head. "Nothing."
Katara began to cry, but it was a slow wash of tears. This was a bad time for this unhappy revelation. This conversation hadn't gone at all like Azula had assumed it would, and for the first time in a long time she realized Katara might take Azula's failure on her own shoulders.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell one person who defeated me so readily that I was even more pitiable?" Azula gave a bitter laugh at the thought. "I wanted your respect, even those first days on Ember Island. I started the lie for pride. Then it propagated because I knew how angry you would be. And since then… It's moot. I knew it would hurt you to know that I've lied this long, and there was no point in bringing up an impossibility."
"I am hurt. I'm scared too. You could have died under the ice. You could have lost your fingers to frostbite. I took that for granted." Katara turned towards the hazy line of the ocean on the horizon. She seemed more sad than angry now. "It didn't make any sense to me. I saw the bear pelt was whole, and Ana only talked about you tackling the polar bear dog, but Gran Gran told me when they took you out of that sled you were warm to the touch."
"Possibly I was able to heatbend."
"Then you feel your chi?" Katara turned back to her, her expression hopeful.
"No," Azula admitted. She opened her hand and exhaled, and there was no echo of energy, no fire, and no warmth. She produced a rueful smile, but Katara had turned away.
Katara was silent for a long time. Every moment of that silence strung Azula's fear out further until she felt she would snap. What would she do if Katara wouldn't forgive this? She wanted to pull Katara into her arms, but she was afraid of a rebuff.
Finally Katara said, "I'm very angry. And I'm hurt. I'm sad for you too." Katara took her hand with a tight smile, and Azula shivered in relief. "Let's go to home. We need to figure this out, and I don't think we'll do it standing out here all night."
Azula knew better than to say there wasn't anything to figure out.
They walked through the village in silence. A tall figure paused when he saw them. He had a sleeping child on his shoulder. Sokka smiled tightly, and Katara reached out for a one-armed hug. She kissed Ana's sleeping face. "Don't let her stay up too late."
"I think we're all ready to conk out." Suki said, shivering in her parka. She offered a sad smile to Katara. "I'm sorry, Katara."
They hugged. When Sokka pulled Azula into a one-armed hug, she didn't protest it. Suki smiled as she reached out to rub Sokka's shoulder. "Come on, big guy."
In their hut, Katara pulled down her Fire Nation lamp and set it on the floor. Azula guessed the reason and smiled at the thought. Gently, she said, "I've meditated on more candles and lanterns than I can count."
"This is a demonstration," Katara refuted sharply. She shuffled through the many storage containers in her hut and pulled out a long slow-burning match. Azula removed her parka jacket and sat down obediently.
Katara raised the wick on the lantern, and the light from its fire spilled across the hut. At this angle, it cast long shadows from their figures. "This was you during the war."
She lowered the wick until it snuffed. The hut fell into darkness with only the glowing coals providing light. In the darkness, Katara spoke. Her voice was soft but firm. "I think this is you now. I know every part of your body better than my own. There's nothing wrong with the flow of your chi. Your body's strong again. So how can we light your fire?"
Katara put the match in the coal pit, and it began to glow from the heat providing it. When it caught fire, she relit the lamp, and its light spread merrily through the hut.
Azula admitted, "Every technique I've tried has failed. I may have been close after the coup attempt. And then Ozai…"
"Ozai," Katara murmured bitterly. "Because of me."
"No—"
"Yes. He tried to kill you because of me." Katara didn't look at Azula as she said that.
"You aren't to blame," Azula said sharply.
"I blame him," Katara said just as sharply. "I hate him so much for what he's done to you." She stood up to replace the lamp on the ceiling. Her eyes remained on the warm fire within its glass for a long silent minute.
Finally, Katara said, "I should have guessed the truth, but it was too easy to believe. Servants always did everything for you. Why would you waste your fire on something trivial like lighting a lamp? I wondered if you'd just gotten lazy and let it go. I thought I must have seen you firebend at some point, right?" She laughed ruefully. "You're Azula. Firebending is so much a part of you in my mind that I took it for granted. Only recently I've really started to wonder."
Katara was quiet again for a moment. She wiped away a few silent tears. "I didn't go to your Agni Kai because I knew I would bloodbend him. I didn't ask about it because I was afraid they would tell me you made him suffer. How did you kill that man? Did you think you would regain your firebending in combat?"
It was best she hadn't gone; Katara's admission only reiterated that. Azula shook her head, wishing she had that justification for Katara. "I knew I didn't need firebending to kill him. I turned his flame against him and crushed his throat. He suffered...but not as long as he should have."
Katara continued watching the lamp for a long moment. "I didn't understand how you could subsist on fighting and death. You relish it even now. You were so open and happy yesterday, but if someone had challenged you to Agni Kai right after we were married, you would have accepted, killed him, and enjoyed doing it."
It was true. "I can't change that part of myself."
Katara offered an unhappy smile. "I said I didn't. I do understand now, even if I don't agree with you. I was raised to protect my family; you were raised to win wars." She heaved a long, mournful sigh. "Sometimes I wonder how you and your brother can be so different, but he's really no different. Sometimes I forget what he was like those first few months. Does he know?"
"I'm sure he does."
"I don't understand that." Katara shook her head. Her face was stretched with grief, and Azula knew she'd caused much of it. "When we joined us during the war, he lost his firebending. He and Aang went somewhere to fix that. Even Aang got better from whatever they did. Why would he not tell you about it and help you?"
That sounded like a long shot, but she knew better than to dismiss it with Katara looking at her like that. "I'll ask him about it when we go back."
Katara met her eyes. Her anger was back, but her voice was steady. "No, Azula. Aang is working close to Kyoshi Island right now. Go with Sokka. He'll take you to Aang. Ask Aang to help you. He will if you tell him I sent you."
She was being sent away. The implication scared her. "I should be with you."
"I need you to go more than I need you here," Katara said quietly. Then her voice hardened. "That wasn't a request."
"Should I come back?" Azula asked quietly. She was stretched so tight she thought she would shatter with Katara's answer.
Katara's eyes filled with tears, and she slid to her knees and pressed herself into Azula's arms for a tight embrace. Her voice was muffled but sharp. "I love you. Nothing's going to change that. But don't you ever hide something like this from me again."
That was an ultimatum. And it was deserved. Azula tightened her arms around Katara and shivered in relief. "I hope we've both given up our big secrets with this trip." She managed a smile. "Wait, I remember one. I took dancing lessons."
To her relief, Katara sagged against her shoulder with a weak laugh. Azula kissed Katara's cheek. "I'm sorry for the lie. But you must know I've been happy. This hasn't been a problem for me in years. I'd rather be with you than I would to firebend again."
"There's no tradeoff. I want you, and I want you to firebend." Katara cupped her cheek. "You were better than Zuko or Iroh or Ozai." That surprised Azula, and Katara saw it. She smiled weakly, and her voice shifted into a teasing note. "Come on, Azula. Blue fire."
The pride that thought evoked surprised her. "Iroh could probably do that if he tried—"
"He didn't. You did."
"Quite a few have done it," Azula admitted. "But I was the first to train myself to sustain the heat of my flame."
"And lightning."
"It's actually a simple technique. What holds most firebenders back is the ability to release the energy that they coax. Though I've learned Zuzu can't manage a spark." Azula thought of that with a smile. She'd watched him try once only to have his fire blow up in his face. She'd never even imagined that would occur, but she'd laughed at him for a long time over that.
"You love firebending. I know you do; I just saw it in your face. You are a firebender, Azula. I want you to have that. Never ever give up on yourself," Katara said fiercely.
"I accepted that—"
"You gave up on it," Katara said firmly. Her disapproval was a sharp shame, as much as Iroh's pride had coaxed her own. "I want you to find it again. Do it for yourself. Fire is as much a part of you as water is a part of me."
If only that were true. "Not anymore."
"Yes, it is. I've wondered, Azula. You scared me during Zuko's wedding because you were so self-assured. I thought it was uncharacteristic, but that's the way you really are, isn't it? That hasn't been here—" She tapped Azula's chest. "Since the end of the war. I want you to be proud of yourself again."
"I'm not ashamed." Yet as she said it, she understood what Katara meant. She'd given up even while clutching for her fire. Giving up had been a relief, but she'd lost some of her self-respect doing it.
"I said proud. I'm not talking about the Fire Nation Princess or Iroh's daughter or my wife. I'm talking about you, Azula. I don't think you're proud of yourself, and that breaks my heart." Katara's voice broke and she paused to wipe some of her tears away. "You're missing something important, and that thing is your firebending. So go to Aang and ask him to help you. Find your fire. And then come back to me."
Katara made it sound so simple. But...there was no saying 'no' to that tearful request.
The whole of the next day was stiff. Katara threw herself into her work, and Azula piddled at a few more jobs through the day until the late afternoon. She was preoccupied with worries about her coming trip and worries about Katara. Katara ducked into the hut soon after Azula, and there was strained silence between them that Azula wished she could ease.
Someone knocked.
They glanced up to see Sokka duck into the hut. He nodded to Azula, crouched in the rounded ceiling. "Do you actually want to go on a real seal hunt? I promise it isn't a euphemism this time."
"No," Katara said immediately.
Sokka was surprised, but he responded with his usual good humor. He lifted his mittens in a peace gesture. "No polar bear dogs or alcohol, I swear on my honor as a seal hunter."
Katara was pointedly silent. Azula sighed. "I can't firebend," she explained.
Sokka opened his mouth. He winced and closed it. Then he said, "I know."
Azula looked at him in surprise. He raised his eyebrows right back at her. "You talk a lot when you're drunk."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Katara asked him.
"Oh, yeah, Katara. I'd tell you that your girlfriend's been lying to you for ten years the night before your wedding. Give me a little credit," Sokka said sarcastically. He shrugged. "I can't bend either. And I'm still alive with all my limbs attached."
Katara became tearful. "I just think about what happened last time—"
Sokka put his hand on her shoulder and met Katara's eyes. "I won't let anything happen."
Katara looked up at her brother, and her shoulders drooped. She acquiesced with a tight nod. Azula hesitantly touched her hand, and Katara drew it to her mouth to kiss it. "Be careful," Katara said quietly. She managed to smile. "Let Sokka do all the animal tackling, okay?"
"I vow to push him to the ground to distract the predator while I make my escape."
"Hey, now," Sokka said.
They walked out of the village a few minutes later, bundled up and with their burdens distributed evenly. Sokka shifted the bag over his shoulder and gave a long whistle as he looked up at the sky. "I thought she was just sad about Pakku, but she's actually pissed. I know from experience that calm pissed is a lot scarier than shouting pissed."
Angry and hurt and in mourning. So much for the happiness from their wedding day...and most of it centered around Azula, not Pakku's passing. "She wants me to go with you to ask the Avatar for help."
Sokka scoffed. "Good luck with that." He heaved a sigh that became a rude noise. "Well, knowing Aang, you'll go on a nice adventure and be fast friends after. Maybe he'll finally get over Katara."
Scornful laughter was the only response she could have to that silly prediction. Azula waited for Sokka to start chattering, but he was uncharacteristically quiet. Eventually she was coaxed to ask, "Were you close to Pakku?"
He shrugged. His breath was a white cloud that swept along with the powdered snow on the frigid breeze. "I'll miss him, but I wasn't as close to him as Katara. They had waterbending to bring them together, and she was able to be here more than me. Actually, he was always kind of a jerk to me." But as he said it, he smiled.
Much later, Azula asked a question she'd pondered since he'd arrived. "How do you and your wife manage to travel here as a couple?"
"Suki and I come at least once a year. She comes for me, but she doesn't like it. Usually I stay a little longer and catch one of our ships to the port north of us. We have a couple of small sailboats that take trips to a couple of independent ports. Usually they pop by our walrus hunting grounds or fish out at sea on the way back." He glanced at her. "I'm surprised you've taken so well to this place, actually."
"The only indulgence I require is a bath aboard the steamship every two days." Azula vowed to bring her own bathing pan with her next time. No more dunks in the dog water trough. As much money as her investments brought in, she couldn't afford to pay the steamer to stay with her for more than this trip. She knew what it would look like too: a way out.
Sokka continued on with his own thoughts. "This time around Suki volunteered when I told her things were a little iffy with Noakka dying. And Pakku…" He was silent for a moment, fighting sadness. "Katara said she'd asked you to come too. I knew what that meant: you two were definitely getting married. So we brought some Kyoshis to get Dad's town hall up so you two could get married in it." He grinned. "You're whipped. Don't even pretend you aren't."
"I'm whipped," Azula agreed dryly. She considered her next words carefully. "I'm…surprised at how accepting everyone's been."
Sokka shrugged. "Everybody loves Katara. And she loves you. Maybe you don't see it, but she looks at you and she just lights up. And they've had ten years to get used to the idea of you. If you had any doubters before, you definitely don't now." He smiled. "You're different here too. This place has a way of bringing it out in people."
After a bit more walking, Sokka glanced around and said, "The seal hole should be around here somewhere, according to Bato. It's still pretty early in the season to hunt seal, but I figured we should get one in just for the experience."
How did these people keep track of landmarks in a place that didn't seem to have any? All around them were rippling hills of snow and ice that sparkled in the sunlight. "Katara mentioned you usually hunt them in autumn."
"Then it's easiest to get the adults; the fast ice expands, and they have to use their breathing holes to hunt near the shore. Late winter the holes can get buried under snow and are harder to find. Then in the spring the pups are out. Summer is for whales. Follow me when I wave for you, okay?"
Sokka motioned for her to stay in one place as he carefully searched for the seal hole in the seemingly unbroken ripples of white snow and ice. When he found it, he sat down facing it and motioned her over. She sat next to him at his gesture. He placed mitten over his mouth to indicate silence. Then he lifted his spear onto his shoulder and sat as still as a statue.
Azula meditated on the dark waters of the seal hole. It was a shocking moment when a whiskered face finally bobbed up to take a breath. Sokka, who had not moved a muscle this entire time, drove his spear without hesitation. He gored the seal in what was a quick, gruesome death. Azula hooked it beneath one flipper at his request, and they dragged it out onto the ice.
He drew his knife and nodded to her to watch. Each cut was careful: bleeding the animal into a storage skin and splitting skin and blubber and fascia. She expected Sokka to continue dressing the seal, but he opened its steaming viscera to the air and sliced off a piece of its dark liver. Sokka held it out to her. "One of the best parts of a fresh seal."
It was warm iron and brass on her tongue. The texture was more rubbery than mealy, and the flavor of blood was strong in the back of her throat. The next bit Sokka handed her was a round, lobed kidney; it took a bit of time to remove, but he was expert in his cuts. The kidney had a cobblestone appearance, and the ureter looked like a string of thin fat hanging from it. She glanced up to see Sokka eat the second kidney. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. She mimicked him. It was also rubber and blood…blood and minerals and fat and odd sweetness too.
"This is rather barbaric," she said as she swallowed a slice of raw blubber he gave her next.
"It's a gift," Sokka replied, uncharacteristically sober. He carved out an eye and ate it whole. "For you and me and Pakku and the village when we go back. Its bones will be tools and jewelry, its skin will keep us warm and dry from the cold, and maybe I can convince Gran Gran to make her seal sausage so you can try it. She only makes it every few years, but it is the best sausage ever."
A gift. This gory pleasure was spiritual in its own way. Maybe it was a good sign before her coming journey.
Azula crouched on the ice in front of the Kyoshi ship, rechecking her bag for the final time. She felt the cold air more keenly now that she'd traded her parka for the fur-lined fitted leather that had come from the Fire Nation. She'd rather leave her parka in Katara's care than risk it on this journey. She would have left her betrothal necklace, but Katara gave her one look and Azula retied it to her neck.
She brought her dragon dagger, her personal seal, light silk clothes to change into, and a pouch of silver coins provided by Captain Lee of her steamer. She didn't see the reason to carry money in this situation, but Katara had demanded it. The leather bag that carried it all was rather pathetic looking, but she'd made it herself and was proud to carry it. She recited the list in her mind again. Ana had helped her pack it with careful enunciation of each item. Azula had said her goodbye to the little girl before she'd been taken to her lessons earlier that morning.
She glanced up to watch her parents stride towards her. She hadn't had time to speak to them about leaving so this must be a shock. It was still a bit of a shock to Azula.
"You're leaving? Now?" Ursa asked in sharp disapproval. "Katara's grandmother just lost her husband! You were just married!"
"Katara wants me to go." More like demanded it.
"But where?" Iroh asked.
Azula waved her hand. "I'm supposed to ask the Avatar to help me regain my bending." Their eyes widened and she smiled ruefully in reply. "Katara isn't happy with me about that. No doubt I'll be back in a few days because he'll refuse to help me."
"I don't trust him," Ursa hissed. "Don't let him touch you!"
"I don't think Aang will energybend Azula, Ursa. As much as he may covet Katara." Iroh pinned her with a surprisingly stern stare. "Try not to rub it in his face."
"He's her friend. As much as I may wish otherwise, he's off-limits."
"Be careful, sweetie."
"No flame is worth dying for before I get my honeymoon," Azula muttered. She stood and pulled the bag over her shoulder as Katara approached from the village. Despite the certain command she'd given about Azula going, she didn't seem to want to let Azula go. They kissed and said their goodbyes, but Katara followed her aboard the Kyoshi ship and pulled her into a tight embrace.
Katara's mouth found hers again and again. In the bustle of activity around them on the square-sailed Kyoshi ship, they ignored everyone else. No doubt they were in the way, but neither Katara nor Azula cared.
"Be careful," Katara said, tightening her hand against the back of Azula's neck.
Azula accepted another kiss and brushed her nose against Katara's. "I'll be back soon." She clarified after Katara's questioning look. "You'll want to be with Kanna now, won't you? So I'll come back here. We'll go back to the Fire Nation only when you're ready."
Katara nodded with a tight smile. "Then I'll wait here. Be careful," she said again.
"If Zuko survived it, I doubt there's any danger." Her words were rewarded with a small smile.
Finally Katara let her go and walked off of the ship. She stayed by the edge of the ice, watched the ship pull away, and offered a lonely wave. Ursa—who was generally not demonstrative with Katara—wrapped her arms around Katara's shoulders. Azula appreciated the gesture.
She lifted her hand to return Katara's lonely wave.
"Remind me again why exactly Katara wanted you to come when she's standing there like she's watching a whale calf drown?" Sokka asked.
She smiled tightly. "Chasing dragons."
He blinked at her. "Dragons are all dead, aren't they?"
"It's a colloquialism, more fitting now after the last dragon was killed by Iroh. It means chasing dreams or myths; trying to do something foolish and impossible. Also related to a moniker that describes the process of smoking opium in the Earth Kingdom."
Sokka's eyebrows climbed. "That sounds pretty stupid."
"Because it is stupid." But she would do it for Katara. She'd do anything for Katara. Azula resigned herself to the trip. "How far is the Avatar from Kyoshi Island?"
"Half a day's sail north. We'll get to him tomorrow afternoon."
"Princess!" Suki shouldered by Sokka and shoved a long paddle into Azula's hands with a pointed glare. For such a sweet-voiced woman, she knew how to order someone around. "This isn't a Fire Nation cruiser. You don't row, you don't ride. So get rowing."
It was going to be a long day on the water. Hopefully the wind would strengthen to speed their journey.
Late that night, Azula sat in front of a crackling fire and chewed on unagi listlessly. Ty Lee had offered it with a regretful smile; she knew well enough that Azula didn't care for eel flesh. Ty Lee had turned out to be a comfort during this trip. Despite her willing help, Azula's body ached from rowing, the skin of her hands had cracked open and was oozing from pulling the oar, and all she wanted was to go back home to Katara.
The night sky was not as brightly lit here as the South Pole. They were far enough north that the aurora was no longer visible, but there were still twice as many stars as were visible in Capital City. The air felt warm in contrast to the South Pole, but she had no doubt there would be frost on the ground in the morning.
"Here."
She glanced up at Sokka and took the cup he held out to her despite her sore muscles. Rowing was not an activity to be thrown into for a day. She swallowed the flavorful tea and relaxed at the scent of it. Sokka nodded at her. "Let me see those hands."
Azula set down her dinner bowl and tea cup and opened her hands with effort. Her ligaments and tendons seem to groan as her fingers extended. Sokka swiped his fingers through a tin of lard that smelled like menthol. He rubbed it into her palms, provoking a hiss from the sting of it. Soon after, the pain in her hands eased.
She stared at her palms. "If you order me to row tomorrow, I will eviscerate you."
After the hell Suki put her through, she never wanted to see, let alone touch, another oar again. With every cry to keep rowing, Azula had had to close her eyes and remember the look on Katara's face when she'd demanded this trip. This was for Katara, not for Azula's enjoyment or comfort. So she'd swallowed her anger and rowed.
His grin had an apologetic cast; it was acknowledgement that Suki had been harsh even if he didn't put it into words. "All sailing by the wind, babe."
"Call me that again, and I'll eviscerate you."
He patted her shoulder. "I set up a cot for you at our house. Come on in when you're ready to sleep."
Azula left her food and drink sitting by the fire and followed him immediately. She wasn't aware of much but the tiny cot under a roof. It threatened to spill her out if she moved; it was just as well because she was too tired to move. She closed her eyes and was gone in black silent sleep until Sokka shook her awake in the gray light of dawn many hours later.
The groan that erupted from her when she moved wasn't suppressible. Her pain was as much about the repetitive rowing as the uncomfortable angle her body had taken in her sleep. Sokka didn't smile at her pain; he waited while she prepared herself. He'd shaved at some point since she'd fallen asleep last night, and he looked much younger for it.
She folded the sweat-scented leather she'd worn through the long day and left it on her cot. They could sell it…or set it on fire as no doubt Suki would want to. Azula pulled on a black silk tunic and trousers more appropriate for the temperate climate of the Earth Kingdom. She wanted a bath desperately, but she wanted to finish her journey more. She attached her dragon dagger to her belt and pushed her feet into her soft boots. She picked her small shoulder-bag and checked for the money pouch and her personal seal inside it.
Her hair remained steadfast in Katara's strong braids, which saved her the necessity of working on it.
After Azula regained the use of her sore muscles, she followed Sokka to the docks. If she hadn't been so exhausted the night before, she would have enjoyed exploring the town. In the quiet of the morning, some fishers and farmers were setting up stalls with their produce. They called out greetings to Sokka and smiled at her unassumingly. Azula paused to take in the raised painted statue of Avatar Kyoshi on their trip to the dock. That was an Avatar she could respect.
Sokka clambered onto a five meter long sailing boat. He pointed to the bow. "That's you. If I shout to get down, flatten out or you'll get your head knocked off by the boom."
She flattened out without command and was asleep in minutes in the gentle rocking of the boat.
When she awoke again, the sun was high enough to indicate midmorning and there was no land visible around them. She was glad she'd had the foresight to position her bag to shade her face. She didn't need sunburn added to her list of aches.
"Rise and shine," Sokka said, noting she'd awakened. He leaned forward to hand her a water skin and a few bites of jerked fish. She enjoyed the simple meal in silence.
Eventually, he said, "So, you like Ana."
She glanced across the small boat. There was no point in lying; he had seen for himself the truth. "Yes."
"She's going to be your daughter. And you're going to go back with Katara to the South Pole?"
"We'll be going back as a family," Azula responded. She could do it as the Princess of the Fire Nation when she could not as the Fire Lord. Her life ended up working out in ways she'd never imagined. She asked him, "Why do you not have children?"
Sokka gave an uncomfortable shrug; he didn't hide his disappointment well. "Suki wants to wait until she retires from the Kyoshi Warriors. Just a few more years. Then we'll have a lot of little ones running around."
She thought of all the vapid firebending nobles her mother had been suggesting for years, remembered Katara's quiet wish to have a family, and thought of the odd urges she'd been having too. She looked at Sokka sitting across from her, and the question that fell out of her mouth surprised her: "Would you consider fathering a child for someone else?"
That got his attention. His expression of incredulity melted into enthusiasm. "Yeah, of course!" Then his eyes darted between her legs and he looked a little out of his depth. His embarrassment caused her to smirk. Sokka relaxed when he saw her expression. "I mean… I would love having a kid—well, helping you and Katara have a kid. But not, you know, the process."
She rolled her eyes. He certainly knew how to compliment a woman. "Don't worry. I wouldn't choose have intercourse with you. I would only need your seed."
"Would that work?"
"Fire Nation komodo rhino breeders have been doing it successfully for centuries." She headed off whatever wise-crack he'd been about to make. "This isn't a proposition, only a question as to your willingness in case Katara and I consider it."
"Okay," he said simply. "I can deal with that. Just make sure Suki doesn't find out. She might actually try to murder you."
"Your wife and I aren't exactly bosom buddies," Azula sneered. "I expect you to take care of that drama without my input."
They fell into silence, both watching the slow rolls of the gentle ocean. They were sailing north, through gentle seas protected on all sides by sweeping islands. The wind was strong, bearing them up and down the rollers easily. The ocean wind was cool and wet against her face.
She pondered Sokka's kind acceptance, Hakoda's harsh distrust, and Kanna's gentle disapproval. The first time she'd seen Sokka after the war, he'd been genial if cautious. He'd known that Katara was sharing her bed at that time. She'd always wondered how Katara told them, but Katara had only ever given her vague answers to her inquiries. This seemed a good time to ask. "How did you find out?"
He glanced at her in question.
"How did Katara tell you about me the first time?"
"Katara never told you?" He whistled and settled back to tell his tale with relish. "You'll like this story…maybe. I guess you know the start: that Aang asked Katara to marry him, and she broke up with him and went to the Fire Nation for a vacation."
Thankfully she hadn't chosen the North Pole or the Earth Kingdom. Thankfully Zuko had been a jerk and sent Katara to Ember Island.
Sokka continued, "Meanwhile Aang built it up in his head that she was just taking her time to accept. He was pretty broken up about Katara saying 'no'. That was hard for me. I kept telling him not to put words in Katara's mouth." Sokka shook his head. "Anyway, when Katara came back to the South Pole, everyone was happy to see her. Aang was there too. During the welcome home party, he made a big scene and proposed again."
She was both disgusted and a little pitying. Sokka winced. "I think it was mainly out of desperation. Katara was… She was pretty mad. She told him she was seeing someone else. I thought maybe she had a thing going with Zuko."
Azula's lip curled at the thought.
Sokka laughed at her disgust. "Aang accused her of cheating on him and wanted to know who she was with. Keep in mind, everyone in the tribe was overhearing this. Really awkward but kind of fascinating at the same time. They were screaming at each other about it until Katara said, 'Azula!'
"When she said that, I thought I must have been drinking cactus juice. Dad went white; I thought he was going to faint. The funny thing is, Aang started to laugh. He said something like, 'Two girls can't have sex!'"
Azula raised her eyebrows. Sokka mirrored her shock with a nod. "I'm still not sure where that came from. I'm pretty sure he chats with Avatar Kyoshi sometimes, and let me tell you, she didn't just teach the principles of fighting to the Kyoshi Warriors."
Azula allowed herself to be momentarily diverted. Ty Lee had talked her ear off about her new girlfriend the entire trip. "Ty Lee certainly enjoys that aspect."
Sokka laughed. "I think she's actually settled down with one of the new recruits. Suki hates girlfriend drama, but I think it's pretty fun. Anyway, back to the best part of the story: Aang said that, and Katara was…really, really mad. She stood up and shouted…I'll never forget what she said: 'Azula and I manage to be together as lovers a hundred times better than you and I ever did!'"
"This was in front of the whole tribe?" It was almost too much to believe.
Sokka nodded. "Yep. Katara outed you as her girlfriend and that you're excellent in the sack…in front of the whole Water Tribe."
Azula tried to picture it. She wished she'd been able to see it. "I'm shocked she didn't die of mortification. She can barely stand the thought of the servants overhearing."
Sokka raised his hands. "Stop! Too much information. I don't want to hear anything about my little sister in a vaguely sexual way."
"She really likes it when I use my tongue—"
Sokka shrieked and covered his ears. Azula laughed hard enough to make her throat sore. When he uncovered his ears, she had to admit, "You're a good brother."
"I'm a good brother who did not just tell you that story."
"No," Azula agreed. She knew why Katara hadn't told her about that: it was more about Azula's ego than Katara's embarrassment. She would keep this within herself as a comforting truth. She would look at the Avatar and know. No wonder he hated her. "Now I understand why your father accused me of seducing Katara."
Sokka found that particularly amusing.
As the morning progressed, dark, threatening clouds rolled in from the north. When they docked at the settlement on the coast of the southern Earth Kingdom that was hosting the Avatar, Sokka gave the threatening clouds a worried look. Azula picked up her bag and stepped onto the dock. "Go. I can find him."
Sokka's relief was evident. "Thanks. Suki wants me back tonight." He pointed towards the sky. "Those would keep me here for a couple of days probably. Good luck with your dragon chasing."
She waved in reply to the salute he sketched her.
The town was a small one. This deep into rural land of the Earth Kingdom and in her current garb, she doubted the citizens would recognize her as the princess of the Fire Nation.
As she expected, the first few people she saw only gave her a spare curious glance. She focused on one young man. When she caught his eye, she smiled in a way she hoped was disarming. The boy went red and straightened. "Excuse me. Where is the Avatar?"
He pointed down the street, not taking his eyes from her. Behind him, a winged lemur landed on the eaves of the building and chattered at her aggressively; it was the Avatar's. It leapt off the straw roof and flew down the street, more helpful than the boy had been.
Azula followed the animal and found the Avatar soon after when the lemur landed on his shoulder. His bald pate was distinctive with the blue arrow that emerged from his collar. When he turned towards her, he had a pleasant smile despite his pet's hissing protests. For the first time she realized his boyish face was handsome; he'd never actually smiled at her before. He had matured a great deal in the past few years and wore a respectably thick brown beard across his jaw.
The Avatar didn't recognize her at first. As his eyes swept over her face, his beard-covered jaw tightened and his smile fell away. His gaze lingered on the Water Tribe braids in her hair. Then his gaze dipped below her chin.
She'd never seen someone lose all hope in a single moment…until that moment. The Avatar looked at her necklace, and his face broke in anger and pain. How could he possibly think after all this time that she would give Katara up? Or that Katara would want him in that capacity?
It would be so easy and satisfying to gloat. To pretend there were other women in the Fire Nation, that she'd force Katara to move away from home to be with her—anything to sharpen the sting of his loss and distract herself from the fear she still felt for his power.
"I've come to ask for your help," she said instead.
"Why would I help you?"
They were the first words he'd spoken directly to her since she'd lied about sleeping with Laza. His tone conveyed a decade's worth of jealous anger. Azula focused past her own unease and disgust and stated the bare truth: "Katara sent me."
He was silent; his eyes fell to the ground and remained there.
"She said you and my brother traveled somewhere and that you came back from that place better firebenders. She thought you would take me there, as a favor to her." She took a breath and admitted, "I haven't been able to firebend since the war. Katara has demanded that I make this trip to regain my bending. No doubt she believes this is partly her fault."
His jaw tightened slowly. In the distance, thunder rumbled. Azula was so certain he would decline that his terse nod came as a shock. He turned to the old woman who had been watching them with blatant curiosity. "I'll be back by tomorrow afternoon, Lady Fafa."
The 'lady' was certainly not that, but when the Avatar used that term, she gave a gummy smile. Azula counted three teeth.
"Lady Fafa, I'm Princess Azula of the Fire Nation. It's a pleasure to meet you."
The woman's eyes went wide.
"How do you feel about whale candy?"
The woman looked at her like she was crazy. Azula had no time to clarify her question; the Avatar was walking away from her with purpose. She followed him stride for stride across the village center and clambered up on his sky bison after him. He didn't wait for her to settle before he flicked the reins. Thankfully their takeoff was much smoother than any airship she'd ever flown on or she'd have tumbled off and ended her journey with a broken leg.
In the long hours that they were in the air, the Avatar said not a single word to her. Azula occupied herself by trying to pick out landmarks on the earth below them when it wasn't hidden by clouds. They flew mainly over coastal land; there was not a moment in which they were over completely open ocean. The sky remained cool from their altitude, but the sun grew warmer as they neared the equator.
As night fell, she dozed fitfully, her dreams vague and memories elusive each time she awoke. At one point, she awoke from a dream to find herself flying on a serpent's back only to wake up once more to blink down at the winged lemur asleep in her lap. It took her several minutes to ground herself in her reality here as her fingers traced over the velvety fur on the lemur's folded ear. Her apprehension grew with each silent minute and each mile farther west. This felt like a mistake. This felt like danger. This man was not her ally, no matter how much Katara trusted him.
When the gray sky of morning broke with the first hint of sunlight, their altitude dipped, and they flew down towards an island in what Azula assumed was the Northwest Sea. She saw three islands nearby; the one closest was straight to the north, probably within swimming distance.
When they landed, the Avatar shifted as if he meant to dismount. Azula had long since made up her mind that she would do this without his help. She gave him a sharp look, and he sat down, his eyes wide. In case that wasn't clear enough, she enunciated: "I don't need your help." Her loathing of him made her emphasize 'your' a little too much, and the Avatar didn't miss that. His brow abruptly tightened, and he looked away in evident anger.
Katara had told Azula to do this for herself. This was not a place for titles or relationships. She was not here as Iroh's daughter, Katara's wife, or the Fire Nation's Princess. She was only Azula. She untied the knife from her waist, removed her betrothal necklace, and placed them in her shoulder bag with her personal seal.
When the Avatar refused to meet her gaze, she set the bag beside him. "Keep these safe for me."
He gave a curt nod in reply.
When she slipped off of the sky bison, it was aloft only a moment later. She felt growing unease at the task ahead of her. The Avatar hadn't had the attitude of a man who would come back for her, but she'd rather swim to another island than take any more of his help than this. As she watched him fly away, she felt dread and fear fall from her shoulders. After all these years, she was still afraid of him, and she hated him for that.
Azula stood on the sandy beach where she'd been set and decided this was not a venture to go into thinking about getting back home. She needed to find the key and only then worry about her journey home.
She took a deep breath, pushed away the vague flicker of déjà vu that raised the hair on her neck, and took her first step.
The sandy beach became grassy dunes. The dunes climbed steeply into rock and folded out in an abrupt view of crumbled ruins of a city. It was a great city with a rising pyramid in the center of its ruins. Azula studied the pyramid. It was grandiose enough that she had some hope that was where she needed to go. There was a structure on the top of it, potentially an altar.
What was this place?
She climbed down steps chipped into the rock to reach the outer perimeter of the city. More climbing was required to navigate through several rubble filled streets. After balancing across a fallen wall of a half-destroyed building, she had to jump and grab onto a ledge at the top of the leaning wall. Her sore arms and hands protested as she pulled herself onto the flat roof. From there was a simple jump down onto a clear causeway beyond. From her landing crouch, she looked up the street. What she saw raised the hair on the back of her neck.
A set of molded bricks had fallen across the path. From inconspicuous holes in the building beside it, four slender spears emerged towards the pressure plate the bricks were triggering.
It was a booby trap.
Her progress slowed considerably after that.
She found five more booby traps. Of the five, she set off one when she let her attention slip momentarily. The flail was old but sharp; she avoided decapitation with a jerk of her head. Instead, one sharp edge sliced across the hard cartilage of her ear, opening her ear up to through the lobe. She flattened herself to the ground and waited for the heavy iron ball to stop swinging. The narrow brush with death flushed her body with ice in that hot morning.
She probed the wound; her fingers came back covered in blood. She traced the wound down and realized the flail had also opened some skin along the back part of her cheekbone. It wasn't a serious cut aside from the certainly it would bleed profusely. There was no way to bind it, so she let it bleed to clot and turned her mind to other matters.
By the time she reached the great mural wall that sat halfway to the central pyramid, her clothes were soaked in sweat and her right shoulder with blood. She didn't smell of hard work; she smelled like sour fear. And yet there was some joy in it. She hadn't been this on edge since the war. The adrenaline was heady, and her pain made her feel alive.
She didn't think of Katara. She couldn't. It was a selfishness that would keep her alive.
At that central point between the edges of the ruins and the pyramid, she stopped to study the etching on the massive wall. The wall embodied grandiose enormity, not just from height but from sheer mass. It stretched at least twelve meters high, a marvel in itself. A firebender was carved at top and center, his arms raised to command the flames that swirled around him. Two dragons stood to either side, belching out flames that mixed with what the man commanded.
Harmony or battle?
As she pondered it, she realized that unlike her first assumption, the man in the center was not the actual focus on the wall. The dragons to either side of him were. There was a harmony in the yin and yang theme of those dragons though they were perfect mirrors. The man was only a centerpiece between them.
This had all the marks of a Sun Warrior creation. Azula turned and looked back the way she'd come. The buildings had a style to their architecture that tickled her memory. This city had been built during the first years of the Age of Enlightenment of the Fire Nation. Capital City used to look like this until the battle for gender equality had demolished it completely. When they'd rebuilt Capital City, it had been much easier to use wood instead of stone.
Fire Sages had a tender love for the ages though. Their temples still held designs like this in their balustrades and decorative columns. Azula was standing in history much older than she'd at first imagined.
She looked back up at the carved mural with awe. Yet… There was no blinding epiphany, not that she expected one. She felt no closer to unlocking the secret that apparently her brother and the Avatar had discovered. To the pyramid it was. She moved on as the sun grew hotter through the late morning.
The sun had reached the highest part in the sky when Azula climbed the first terrace of the central pyramid of the city. She stepped across carved stone that was clearly a sun calendar. At least she assumed it was because of the reflective glass that sat within the tip of an obelisk nearby. The focus was defunct; the red jewel in the obelisk was cracked and sat crooked in its mold.
She walked around one side of the ring, sweeping her eyes up the ruins. A gaping hole opened the temple wall. About three meters of wall still remained below it. The destruction must have been caused by something bursting out from within; the rubble spilled outward, not inward. The sight of it made her shiver even in the heat. She climbed the rubble pile and looked through the hole. Azula waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. Her first instinct was to flinch back when she caught sight of figures within.
Statues. Very dusty statues all standing in a wide ring. She dropped into the room and sneezed when her feet kicked up a layer of dust from the floor. No one had been in here in a long time. Azula curled her lip at her own trivial thought. "Well, that's certainly expected of ancient ruins, isn't it?" she told herself.
She walked slowly to the center of the room until her feet touched the threadbare circular tapestry centered in the ring of statues. As her eyes turned across one half of the circle, she saw fluidity in the poses. This was Zuko's mystery firebending technique. He'd learned it from statues? Absurd.
She turned around and studied the poses on the opposite side. They were a perfect mirror. Then she looked at the jagged empty hole in the floor between the two semicircles; it gaped several meters wide. The tapestry had been burned black around the edges of the pit, blending with the foreboding darkness of the hole. The hair on the back of her neck went up. She didn't approach.
Instead, Azula turned back to the statues. When she stepped up to study a statue in more detail, a tile shifted beneath her foot. Azula slowly stepped back, thinking it was a trap. The tile returned to its original position without effect. There were more in front of each statue, and she realized perhaps this was the key.
Standing there, facing the statues, she lifted her arms, shifted her legs, and fell into the stance and kata with ease. It was easy to put together from what she'd copied from Zuko. She saw some flaws in his technique…though perhaps they were flaws in her memory of his implementation. Probably a little of both. As she stepped through the kata, her feet fell into the pressure plates in front of each statue.
She swept fluidly along the line of statues; her stances reflected their poses perfectly. As she settled into last stance, she expected something to happen.
Nothing did.
Feeling foolish, she repeated the process for the mirroring side. There was no click, no secret passage opening, no blinding epiphany. She gave up on that venture and searched the corners of the darkened room. Nothing.
"Of course," she said, her voice small even as it echoed in the empty room. "At least I made a fool of myself alone."
To the top of the pyramid it was.
She had to take a running kick off the wall to grab the ledge and haul herself back out. Her hands screamed at her and her left palm began to bleed when she gashed it on the stone. At least there were stairs the rest of the way up the temple.
At the top she was once again disappointed. The altar—or whatever it actually was—that she'd spied from the edge of the city was a lavishly decorated eight meter high spade cut into the top of the temple, but whatever it was meant to guard wasn't there anymore.
How useless. Azula turned in a circle and surveyed the entire island from this vantage point, which was apparently the only useful aspect of this pyramid. Across the island a twin set of rocky peaks emerged from dense jungle. It was as good a place as any to go. It wasn't like she had another important place to be, no matter how foreboding that place looked.
She followed a worn path through the other side of the city. On this side of the ruins, the buildings seemed newer and the paths were well-traveled. There were no booby traps. Instead of open door buildings, there were wooden doors and tattered linen cloth coverings; within these buildings was wooden furniture. One bed even had a hay-packed mattress. It was all deathly silent—as if the inhabitants had simply decided to pack up and leave one day. Despite the age of the ruins, she had the vague idea that whoever had lived here had left not so long ago.
Close to the outer perimeter of the city, her hunch was confirmed.
She closed a swinging wooden door on one stone building. When she pushed it closed, she saw the nail driven into it. On the nail hung a sign made from driftwood. Carved into it from the universal language was: GONE FISHING.
Her bark of laughter broke the dense silence of the dead city.
What the fuck was going on?
There was nothing to do but push on. After she escaped the eerie silence of the city, some of her unease fell away. The jungle was lush and humid, but its shade was a relief to the sun she'd endured through the long morning. She stopped at a stream, gorged herself on its water, and tended to her wounds as well as she could.
The trail she followed through the jungle was well marked and moved steadily uphill. The vegetation had been bushwhacked time and time again—tree trunks that grew within reach were layered with scars—until it grew amenably for easy passage. There was some sign of regrowth along the floor of the jungle, but the bare earth beneath the sprouting weeds and vines indicated this path had been traveled extensively in the near past.
As the sun began its gradual fall into evening, Azula broke out of the jungle. The dense forest gave way to tall grasses, and the path steepened until it entered a chipped passage through inhospitable rock. There was no way to tell what lay behind that rock, but she assumed she'd find the sharp peaks she'd spied at the top of the ruined city.
She looked up and judged the height of the rock. Brown sunburnt stone jutted up into the air. Once again, Azula found herself intimidated. And once again she refused to reconsider. She'd come too far.
She followed the narrow path through the rocks. When she reached the end, the true end of the trail, she had to stop and stare.
There was a wide circular ring of chipped rock that sat in front of a steep rise of crude steps. She walked in a vague ellipse, judging the flames carved into the stone. The steps rose as much as fifty meters into the air and spilled onto a stone bridge that spanned the distance between two sharp dirks of rock. This was not a place she could have imagined in her wildest dreams. There was no mark of the Sun Warriors here. This was alien. It was frightening.
And this was it. She knew that standing here, looking up at that bridge of stone. This was the reason she'd come to this island. If there truly was a secret to unlock, it lurked here. She sensed that secret was not benevolent.
Azula took a moment to gather herself. Then her feet propelled her across the ground and up the steps as if in a dream.
Standing here as she was, she thought she might vomit or pass out in one. The bridge opened into the great crags of rock: two black caves swallowed the edges of the stone bridge. From the inky blackness of one cave, she sensed malignant forces more strongly. Yet in that danger, she was drawn closer.
She was as afraid as she was excited.
Her breath came fast, her hands trembled, and her sight pinpointed then expanded again with adrenaline. Her feet moved her forward without thought. Then she stopped. She was waiting. For what she didn't know.
An inhuman scream sounded. It echoed and reechoed in this circle of rock.
She guessed what had made the horrifying noise. No, she knew what it was. And yet she was frozen in disbelief as a winged reptilian beast burst from the blackness of the cave.
A dragon.
A dragon!
She would have laughed if she could. She'd been chasing dragons, and by Agni, she'd found one.
Azula's wish in that moment was to study the beast, to touch it, and put to memory the reality of an extinct animal, but the only detail she saw was the hot yellow flames the dragon belched at her.
Time slowed.
There was nowhere for her to go to avoid the flames except off the platform to fall to her certain death. So she did what had been ingrained in her since her earliest childhood memories: she slipped into a fire-breaking kata and brought her arms across her body to command her enemy's flames and split them across her body.
The flame parted around her, and she was not burned.
Wide-eyed shock rocked through her when she processed what had just happened. She'd felt the flames resonate with her chi and had seen them burn from yellow to harsh blue. Even the sound changed: a dull crackle shifted to a deep, sharp gas hiss, a sound she knew and loved.
The dragon roared again as it banked around one rocky peak, but she couldn't spare it a thought.
Azula stared at her hands in frozen concentration. She took a deep breath and released it. Cupped in her palm was blue fire…familiar and beautiful and dangerous. Her fire, her namesake. She had no time to consider how or why. This was a gift, and she had to show the dragon that had given fire back to her that she deserved it.
Azula threw her head back and roared a joyous cry to echo the dragon's shriek. From her mouth, her blue flame arched in the sky.
There was no more thought. There needed to be no more thought. One did not think during battles.
"Come and get it!" she challenged.
The dragon burst towards her with a powerful undulation of its body and roared a challenging reply.
It was a dropped cape and a gong strike in the setting sun. Fire would be their equalizer.
Azula was about to fight an Agni Kai with a dragon.
-TBC-