Chapter Twenty
Valjean sat at his desk waiting for Javert to receive his message and come see him. He did not want to have this conversation. He knew that Javert would not understand and would probably renew his efforts to protect him from himself or whatever his strange rationale had been. They needed to talk about this, however. He could not just leave town for a few days without letting the head of his small police force (as well as several other people) know and he was going to have to provide some sort of explanation or probably arouse Javert's suspicions again even with Javert's beliefs that his superiors should not answer to him. Not that this had ever prevented him from giving his superiors instructions if he did not feel they were behaving as they ought, of course, or at least it had never stopped him with Valjean.
Javert knocked twice on the door.
"Come in."
Javert entered, his hat in his hands. "Monsieur le Maire," he said, bowing.
"Welcome, Javert," Valjean said. "I'm leaving in two days."
Javert frowned. "Leaving?"
"Not permanently," Valjean assured him. "Not even for very long, I shouldn't wonder. Just however long it takes me to travel to Toulon and back and perhaps a day or two longer than that to conduct my business and rest and before starting the return trip. I do not wish to be away from Cosette for long."
"What bus-" Javert started to ask before stopping and staring at him. "You are leaving Cosette here?"
Valjean nodded. "Do you take issue with that?"
"No, of course not," Javert said. "You are her father and she is yours to do with as you like. Many children her age and younger survive well enough on the streets their whole lives and I am sure that you would not leave her so unattended."
"That is true," Valjean agreed. "I asked Madame Martin to watch over her for me and she has agreed. It will not be that much different from usual except I will not be there after work is over or to walk her to school in the mornings. She will miss me, I am sure, and I will miss her but it will not be long."
Javert clearly wanted to say something more.
"Speak," Valjean invited.
"It is just a little surprising that you would leave the girl behind," Javert admitted. "You seem…very attached to her."
"I am," Valjean said, nodding. "But Toulon is no place for a child."
"There are many children in Toulon," Javert said blandly. "People say it is quite nice, especially by the sea. Many respectable families like to go out to the sea. I am sure that Cosette would enjoy it as well."
"She can see the sea at some other time."
"What business is it that you could possibly have at Toulon that you do not want Cosette to be a part of?" Javert asked, almost suspiciously.
There was really no point in hiding it. Javert would find out sooner or later and he was doing nothing wrong by doing this. Or rather, he was given the whole situation but he had done what he could and he had to believe that this was not his fault. Or, if nothing else, he had to try.
"I am going to the prison at Toulon," Valjean said.
Javert's brow furrowed. "What business could such a respectable and goodly man such as yourself have in such a place? It is a place where the scum of society go, the undesirables who must be hidden away from the eyes of the just and made to pay for their crimes."
"Are there no just men or society in Toulon the town?" Valjean asked rhetorically. "It would seem to me that they see a great deal of these criminals."
"Oh, that is different," Javert insisted. "They are used to it so they do not feel it like other honest men would. If a criminal came to Montreuil then the whole town would be talking about it for weeks. If a man in Toulon sees a criminal it is only cause for concern if it is an escapee. That is why there are not allowed to be any convicts someplace where a member of the royal family might see them. What a thing it would be if the King himself were to get used to those wretches!"
"What a thing indeed," echoed Valjean.
"What is your purpose there?" Javert asked again.
"I am going to see Champmathieu," Valjean declared.
It was not some hasty decision on his part. He had been fighting the impulse on and off since the moment he had learned that his desperate and hateful journey to save an unfortunate stranger had all been for naught. He had been willing to condemn himself and lose everything he had (lose Cosette though he had not known and loved her yet) and even risk going back to Toulon and yet it had all been for nothing. His night of agony had been for nothing. It was not as though he did not relish the fact his sacrifice had not been necessary and God had evidently had other plans for him but just the same it was…it was not right. Champmathieu deserved to be judged for his own crimes, not Valjean's. He could have been the vilest of murderers and he would still not deserve Valjean's noose around his neck as well.
He did not want to go back to Toulon. He did not know if he even could, though this time the circumstances would be far more agreeable than the first time he went or the circumstances that he imagined that he might find himself back there in. But it could never be truly agreeable. He doubted even honest men would find it a pleasant place and certainly he would not, could not. No one would know it was him and even if they did there was nothing that anybody could do now that Champmathieu was named and imprisoned. But how could he face it?
How could he dare not after what was being done to Champmathieu that should have been done to him? No, it should have been done to no one but it was his fate and not Champmathieu's. He had thought, for a time, he was forgetting but he was beginning to realize that that was not to be. He would be haunted by this until he saw it for himself, it seemed. And perhaps then he would still be haunted or be haunted even stronger by the images and memories this visit caused and stirred. But wasn't that really the least bit of penance he could do? Toulon would not be his cage again and the least he could do was recognize what sort of a cage it was proving to Champmathieu.
"You mean that you are going to see Jean Valjean," Javert corrected, oblivious as usual to his inner turmoil. Or perhaps he was just choosing not to see it as Valjean was his superior.
"If I had meant that then I would have said that," Valjean argued. "You forget that I was there at his trial. I did not see all of it but I saw enough. I do not feel that the district attorney proved his case satisfactorily. I do not believe that that poor man is Jean Valjean."
"The law says that he is so he is," Javert said.
Valjean and Javert stared at each other for a moment.
Javert sighed. "But that is not enough convince you, is it?"
"No."
"I continue to fail to understand how such a good and upstanding man as you, one who has surely profited from the law keeping order, is so mistrustful of it," Javert said, shaking his head.
"I am not mistrustful," Valjean denied. "I just seem to care more for the individual than the law does. But as I must only deal with a finite number of people and the law must deal with literally everyone, perhaps that is not surprising."
Javert seemed to be struggling with himself about something. "Let us set aside the issue of whether or not he is truly Jean Valjean as I do not think that will be a productive conversation and ultimately it will change nothing as he will still be in prison serving Valjean's sentence."
Valjean looked down. "I know."
It was hard enough to think of Champmathieu being in Toulon when he was that old and feeble and very possibly innocent of everything. It was harder still to be reminded that he was serving Valjean's own sentence and every day of freedom and happiness he had with Cosette was bought at the cost of Champmathieu's unearned torture and slavery. But what could he do? He had tried. He was still trying. Surely God would forgive him his failure.
"What possible purpose could you have for going to visit Valjean in prison?" Javert demanded. "That man has nothing to do with you."
That was true. That almost made it worse since it was not as though meeting Valjean ruined Champmathieu's life but they did not even have to meet for Valjean to have ruined it. He had nothing to do with the initial arrest or the fact that Brevet had initially misidentified him and everyone else fell into line behind him but it was his own broken parole and missing status that had enabled this to happen in the first place.
"You did not think so once."
Javert narrowed his eyes. "Will you bring this up forever?"
"Only when we are discussing Champmathieu. I am…curious about the man you believed to be me," Valjean said slowly.
"Surely you assuaged your 'curiosity' when you went to his trial and confessed for him," Javert bit back.
"I need to see him in Toulon."
"You do not want to go to Toulon. You do not want to see the lengths that we must go to to contain and correct these despicable men," Javert warned.
Valjean smiled humorlessly. "I know that I do not. But I feel like I must go nonetheless. I owe him that much."
"You owe him nothing!" Javert exclaimed, looking scandalized.
"I'm afraid you're not going to change my mind, Javert, and surely one little visit is not going to be too much to bear?" Valjean asked rhetorically.
Javert sighed. "If it stays just one visit. But it is a waste of time and you have responsibilities here."
"I have arranged things very carefully so that the important things I have taken care of now or can take care of when I return and if anything important happens while I am gone it will be taken care of," Valjean explained. "It will be fine."
Javert sighed again. "Very well, Monsieur le Maire. Is there anything you would need of me? Why have you told me this personally? Will you be personally informing the rest of the town as well?"
"I had not planned on it though I have told certain other people who needed to know such as my foreman and forewoman," Valjean replied. "I wanted you to know because I will be gone for…I do not even know. More than a week, I should say."
"Considerably longer than I week I should say," Javert said dryly.
"I would appreciate it if, at some point, you could look in on Cosette," Valjean said. "I know you are very busy and I trust Madame Martin implicitly but I don't want her to get lonely and she likes you."
"I certainly have more pressing duties than keeping children you mistakenly believe like me entertained," Javert replied.
"I do not need you to watch her all the time! Just maybe stop by and see her once or twice or let her come by the station," Valjean said. "It would mean a lot to her and to me. And she does like you. I know that for a fact."
"How difficult is it to be liked by that child?" Javert challenged.
"That is neither here nor there," Valjean said smoothly. "So will I be able to count on you for this, Javert?"
Javert sighed. "I will see if I have time."
"Great," Valjean said, feeling almost cheerful all of a sudden. "I will let Madame Martin know that Cosette will be able to stop by."
Telling Javert had, ironically, been the easy part but that was only because this next part was going to be so difficult.
He found Cosette standing on a stool so that she could be tall enough to reach the mantle and playing with his candlesticks. He had not thought that anyone could or would play with candlesticks but Cosette did so on a fairly regular basis.
"Cosette," he greeted her.
Cosette looked over with a smile. "I like your candlesticks. They're pretty."
Valjean couldn't help but return her smile, not the least because she appreciated the candlesticks though of course had no idea just what they meant to him.
"Where did you get them?" Cosette asked.
"A very good man gave them to me," Valjean told her vaguely. "He saved my life and wanted me to remember to be a good man."
"But you always remember," Cosette said, looking confused.
"It's easier now than it was," Valjean allowed, "but then I have the candlesticks to remind me!"
Cosette set the candlesticks down and patted the top of them. "Good candlesticks."
"Come here," Valjean said, beckoning to her.
Obediently, Cosette followed him and sat down on his lap when he took a seat.
"Cosette, I have something that I must do," Valjean said seriously.
Honestly, he was not quite sure how to tell Cosette this. It was one thing to tell Javert. Javert would be more likely to be suspicious of what he was doing in Toulon than anyone else but Javert's suspicions, as difficult as this was to believe, seemed to have died the moment he laid eyes on Champmathieu. What a strange thing when a stranger looked more like him than he himself did! Strange and sad and terrible. But what was it truly to Javert? Perhaps Javert would not like it if he left Montreuil forever (particularly if he took the industry and prosperity with him) or perhaps he would prefer a superior who was more conventional and in line with his views. But Valjean going away for a few days was really nothing to him.
Cosette, on the other hand…It would be better if he could take her with him. He could not, though. Toulon was no place for a child and even if he kept her well away from the prison how could he make sure that she saw no convicts? They were everywhere. She would not understand and he could not explain. What if she feared them? What if she thought they were not quite human? What if she hated them? What if she pitied them? No, it was best to just keep her out of it altogether.
And even could he ensure that she would see nothing that she was not meant to, how could he possibly face that with her at his side? It was terribly unfair to her. He did not know how he would react to going again. He did not want to. But he had to, didn't he? He owed it to Champmathieu to see, just once, the hell he had not been able to stop from consigning him to.
Cosette blinked her large eyes up at him. "Oh?"
"I have business I must take care of a few days away. I need to go two days from now. I do not know how long it will take," Valjean continued.
Cosette frowned. "You have business? You will be gone?"
"I am sorry, Cosette, but you must stay here," Valjean said gently.
Cosette blinked rapidly. "Why?"
He was afraid of her reaction. She had been abandoned too much in her life by those that loved her. They had seen no better alternative and had never meant to hurt her but it did not change the past. He did not want to add to that but how could he take her with him? This was better. It was not good, certainly, but it was…better.
"You have school."
"I can miss school," Cosette said. "If you are going to be so long that I would fall too far behind you should not leave me for that long."
"It will not be that long," Valjean conceded with a sigh. "But it is no place for a child."
"If it is no place for a child it is no place for a grown-up," Cosette reasoned childishly. "I don't want you going to any bad place."
"I'm afraid that I have to, Cosette," Valjean said apologetically, warmed by her consideration. "But it will not be long and I will be back as soon as I can."
Cosette pouted. "I don't want you to go."
"I know, Cosette, I know," Valjean said, smoothing back her hair. "But I have to."
"Why?" Cosette asked. "If you do not want to go and I do not want you to go then don't go."
Valjean sighed again. "It is not that simple. Sometimes you just have to do things that you do not want to do."
"But you're the mayor!" Cosette cried out, unable to believe that.
Valjean did smile a little at this. "Yes, I am the mayor but even the mayor of a town sometimes has to do things that he does not want to do."
"Really?" Cosette asked, surprised.
Valjean's smile turned a few shades more genuine. "Yes. Just this morning, in fact, I had to go to a meeting that was very boring!"
Cosette laughed. "Was it important?"
"Yes," Valjean replied, "which is why I went but it was very difficult to pay attention."
Cosette nodded. "It's like that sometimes in school, too."
"But you do pay attention, right?" Valjean asked pointedly.
Cosette nodded. "Of course! I like school. I wish I had it earlier."
Valjean smiled sadly at that and pressed a kiss onto Cosette's forehead. "I do, too, but we cannot change the past, only make the future better."
"You're going no matter what, aren't you?" Cosette asked somberly, staring at him with too-old eyes.
"I'm sorry, Cosette."
"Well…" she said slowly before throwing her arms around his neck. "Come back soon."