Chapter 17: When a loss is a victory
"Would you like to say anything to the Fire Lord?" Azula asked Ana. "He's your uncle."
"Poopy head!" Ana giggled. It was a silly insult she'd learned while Azula was away, much to Katara's consternation.
She should have scolded the girl for her words; Katara would have. Instead, Azula said, "While I may be inclined to agree, he is your uncle. You should refer to him as Uncle Zuzu."
That prompted a giggling burst of 'zu's. Azula smirked and smoothed out a blank scroll on Katara's ink-stained writing chest. She wrote:
Most Prestigious and Powerful Fire Lord Zuko:
Greetings and salutations from the cold shores of the South Pole, et cetera ad nauseam. As much as I hate wasting my time writing to my dumb-dumb big brother during my vacation, I thought I should send word of my news.
Katara and I are married. We'll start wedding arrangements when we return. Katara also has an adopted daughter named Ana. She's an intelligent little girl, which she's proven by proclaiming you are a poopy head. Would you start the paperwork for her adoption for me, Fire Lord Poopy Head?
I've had many interesting experiences in the South Pole. We'll be returning at some point in the next few weeks. I do require a favor. Would you outlaw dragon hunting?
Your sister,
Princess Azula
PS: I can firebend again.
PPS: I tamed a dragon too.
Azula gleefully pictured her brother spitting out a mouthful of tea in shock as he got to the end of her letter. She waited for the ink to dry, rolled the scroll, melted wax with her bending, and pressed the generic seal for Fire Nation royalty into the wax before it hardened. Kota had packed two of these seals in Azula's luggage. How Kota could have possibly predicted Azula might lose her personal seal, Azula couldn't fathom. Her bodyservant proved to be dependable even when absent.
Next was the tricky task of dressing a wiggling little girl in her tiny parka, but Azula managed without creating too much havoc in the hut. If she could feed herself and this independent little girl, she could certainly dress her. Katara had been called away for a birth earlier that afternoon with a list of quick instructions that hadn't been helpful in the least. Ana was critical of the crunchy rice and the dry fish, but Azula had pulled out her trump card: she promised Ana could see the dragon again if she finished her food. There were no more complaints.
They stepped out of the hut, and Ana let go of Azula's hand when they got to the newly restored bay ice. She ran away only to run back again and again. What boundless energy.
At least until Ana slipped and fell. The fall seemed to scare her more than it hurt her, but she began to sniffle and cry as she jogged back to Azula for a hug. Azula sighed and picked up the little girl. "You're alright," she reassured her. And then Azula slipped on the ice and went down on one knee. "Ow," Azula said dryly.
Ana giggled.
The man waiting for them by his small sailboat didn't hide his grin. His face crinkled oddly; he had a heavy burn scar and wore an eye-patch over one eye. "Is that it?" he asked when she handed the scroll to him.
"Yes. The seal should preclude any demands for money for its carriage. Thank you for taking it for me."
"We're sailing up to the port to sell some wares anyway. I'm glad we didn't leave this morning or we'd have missed your dragon taming. Darndest thing I've ever seen." The man grinned, displaying a gap between his front teeth. The man's son waved at Ana, who waved back happily. Azula flicked her gaze into their boat. It was filled with an assortment Southern Water Tribe goods. She'd been silly to ever think these people depended on her ship.
"Bye-bye!" Ana called as they pushed off the ice and paddled into the bay.
The two men gave another wave before they unfurled their sails. They watched the boat sail away. Ana put her head against Azula's shoulder and was apparently content to remain where she was. After watching the quiet bay for a few minutes, Azula turned them back to the village.
Rakka swept down from the sky and settled on the ice. She had blood all over her head, and she carried in her mouth a strip of bone, muscle, and gristle with a flap of gray skin along one edge. Remnants of a walrus, perhaps? Apparently hunting had gone well. Azula paused when her dragon dropped her burden onto the ice. Rakka practically preened as she presented her gory gift.
Apparently dragons were like bearded cats.
After her dragon licked her muzzle clean, Azula reached out to rub the velvety plate above her nose. This was a peaceful touch, and Rakka heaved a great sigh and settled into a more comfortable position to rub her face clean in the snow. Azula glanced at Ana, surprised the little girl hadn't demanded to collect her reward for finishing dinner.
Ana was asleep on her shoulder.
Rakka curled up by her gruesome gift and closed her eyes to join in that activity. Azula was ready to join them both. When she walked back to the hut she settled the little girl in her bed, lowered the wick on the lamp, and buried her face in Katara's bed to fall into a deep sleep. She awoke momentarily as Katara slipped in with her but couldn't stay awake for long.
Despite the outrageous nature of returning to the Southern Water Tribe with a dragon, the next day started out normally. When she woke up fresh and relaxed from her long sleep, Azula left Katara asleep in bed and took Ana with her to brave the outhouse.
After that terrifying chore, Azula sat in the snow and meditated in the sun. Ana was uncharacteristically content to sit in her lap. Azula's heat expanded around them like a warm cocoon, and her dragon encircled them and added her warmth as well. Ana kept a tiny hand on Rakka's blue scales the entire time, and Azula fell into meditation even with those distractions. She would ask Iroh to train with her soon.
For now though, she returned to the routine she'd maintained the week before she left. They woke up Katara, shared a quick breakfast, and began their day together. When she and Katara—who had been quiet all morning—led Ana to the town hall for her morning lessons, Mina was waiting there. She looked at Azula and announced, "We're tanning leather this morning."
"Have fun." Katara kissed Azula on the cheek and left her in Mina's care. That her smile was subdued bothered Azula.
Tanning leather turned out to be an interesting process here. In the Fire Nation, leather was cured several ways. For supple leather, tannin—purified from a specific tree bark—was used. To create harder leather used in armor, it was sometimes boiled. Here there were no trees, tannin was too expensive to purchase, and they wore soft furred leather.
Azula had already been shown how to scrape the inner membrane off of a soaked hide, but Mina was giving her more details about the whole process, including extraneous information that should not have been mentioned. As they stirred the pelts in the big buckets of limewater, she said, "We used to just chew the leather after it dried naturally."
Azula shuddered in disgust.
"I still remember my great-grandmother's knobby teeth. They were worn down to nothing after a lifetime of it." Mina's smirk widened. "If you think that's bad: before we used limewater, we'd use urine or animal dung."
Azula was horrified, and Mina was delighted by her horror.
It was an odd thing to look up and see Ursa standing at the tent entrance. With her elegant furred robes and her topknot, she looked quite alien. Ursa's nose wrinkled at the smell of limewater, but she didn't say anything. Azula excused herself with the promise to return after her visit with her mother.
Ursa walked beside Azula through the village. The sun reflected sharply off of the ice, and in the distance, Azula's dragon interrupted the line of flat whiteness of the bay ice.
Rakka had caused a stir earlier. After their shared meditation, she'd gone hunting and managed to catch and return with a toothed whale. She'd eaten half of it and left the other half for Azula. The villagers were happy to use it, especially the bizarre tusk growing from the whale's snout. Now the dragon was asleep on her side, one wing half open and her torso twisted so that her short pelvic limbs stuck up into the air. A few villagers and sailors stood watching her, but they didn't approach.
"You like it here," Ursa said quietly.
"I do."
"What will you do?" Ursa's question was vehement. "You know your brother's going to ask—"
"I'll do what's right," Azula replied firmly. What that was she didn't know yet, and that made her uneasy. She was as excited as she was worried. Putting the dilemma into the back of her mind while she was still in the South Pole was almost too easy. She wanted to enjoy the time that remained before she returned to the Fire Nation and the duties that awaited her there.
Ursa opened her mouth to protest, but then she shook her head almost sadly. Instead of her question, she said, "I know you will."
After few silent moments, Ursa took Azula's arm and said, "I'm sorry."
"Well, that's an interesting thing to hear from you," Azula said neutrally. She squeezed her mother's hand when her words didn't provoke an irritated response. "What are you sorry for?"
Ursa turned a bare look to Azula that was more perplexity and awe than Azula ever wanted to see from her mother. "I didn't know. I had no idea. I was wrong when I told you your firebending was a triviality. Azula, those first few years I hoped and prayed you'd never regain it. I was wrong."
It stung, but she wasn't surprised.
"I never realized you were so good. I had no idea. I have never seen anything like your talent and ability. I thought Ozai was the best. You are a hundred times better than he ever was. And this is after you haven't been able to firebend for so long."
"It's better this way," Azula admitted. "During that coup attempt, I thought about what I would have done if I could firebend. In that scenario, I killed Zuko." She would have done it, and she would never have forgiven herself. She would have traded her family and Katara for the throne without a thought and regretted it for the rest of her life. It was an ugly truth Azula had examined in herself in the years following Ozai's arrows.
Ursa made a noise of pain; Azula continued, "I wouldn't make that choice now."
"I know that," Ursa said with a sniffle.
"I loved firebending then and now. But before I thought of it as a tool; it was the means to an end. It isn't now, and it never should be. Firebending is an expression of life; it's a joy to perform. It's an art, as I so ridiculed you for saying."
"You called it life too."
Azula looked at her mother and smiled. "I said the words, but I didn't understand what it meant." Her mind flickered with a few uneasy questions she wanted answered once and for all. "I would like to speak to Iroh alone. Is that acceptable?"
Ursa smiled and kissed her. "Go. I know he wants to talk to you."
Azula sought her father out aboard the ship. When he ushered her into the estate cabin, he looked in her eyes and lost his smile. They shared a pot of tea at the table in the center of the room and regarded each other soberly. Azula was finally comfortable asking him, "If I weren't your daughter, would you have pulled me out of that prison?"
Iroh's jaw clenched, and he remained silent for some time. Eventually he said, "No. I would not have returned to the Fire Nation."
That was what she expected.
"Why did you never like me as a child?"
He took a long breath and looked at her in real shame. "I've wondered that myself many times. The answer is ugly. I had many reasons, few of them deserved. The first… You represented the reason why Ursa turned away from me. Those months with her were a breath of fresh air. I dreamed of taking her as my wife, taking Zuko as my second son. And then Ozai returned."
"And I happened," she continued neutrally.
Iroh nodded gravely. "I suspected at the time that I might be your father, but you turned out to be Ozai's daughter in every way Zuko was Ursa's son. I always thought a little girl would play with dolls and tea sets, and you broke every expectation I had—and every toy I ever gave you." That was offered with a smile. "You were an avid firebender, you were dreadfully mischievous, and you learned cruelty from Ozai so easily."
Azula sipped her tea as she pondered that. It was all true, of course, but…
Iroh smiled ruefully at her. "You also learned his disdain for me. And then…then I lost my son." His eyes filled with tears, and he had to pause to regain his composure. Azula couldn't imagine what kind of pain he still carried for Lu Ten's death. "But I was the adult; I was to blame for not trying to know you and teach you, especially after Ursa was banished. I assumed…" He took a long breath and his voice went thick again. "I assumed that Ozai's cruelty was focused on Zuko. In the face of my own suffering, I was blind to yours."
"Spare me," Azula said, though gently. "Ozai used violence as a tool, but that kept me alive during the war. I don't respond well to soft words and gentle lessons if you hadn't noticed. Without something to occupy me, I become especially destructive."
He smiled sadly. "Do you still think so? You suffered your first and only true loss because of Sozin's Comet. You survived six months of captivity under conditions no human should suffer. You lost the war, you lost your bid for the throne, and you lost your fire. And then you lost your father. All of those things defined you. Instead of giving up, you kept living and defined yourself."
"It's all quite melodramatic when you put it like that," she said lightly.
Her derision didn't divert him. "You retreated to recover and occupied yourself with trivialities. You gained a lover and regained your family. You returned in full strength to your nation, defeated a coup attempt against your brother, fought and won an Agni Kai without firebending—the only one in history won in such a way—and you survived certain death when the man you still trusted as your father tried to kill you."
"I had help," Azula reminded him. "I didn't do that alone."
"Yes!" Iroh leaned forward and spoke fiercely. "And you accepted that help. You welcomed it. That is as much a victory as anything else. You've grown strong again. You've taken a seat of power in your nation and made your own family quite apart from that. You found your fire, and you found a dragon. A dragon that is yours."
"I would have thought I was the last person in the Fire Nation worthy of a dragon." Azula's voice betrayed more vulnerability than she liked.
"You are the most worthy," Iroh corrected fiercely. His words and his tone surprised her. "You lost everything, Azula, and you've regained it all. You are hope and tenacity in one, an embodiment of the best qualities of our people. Like your brother, you have faced much and have only become stronger for it."
"Because I'm your daughter?" she asked him neutrally. For some reason she knew his answer was important.
Iroh smiled gently and took a surprising tangent. "I told Ozai the truth before he died. I told him that every effort he ever made to turn you into him failed. I told him that you would live your life in great success as my daughter. That you would continue on the legacy of our family as my daughter. But you aren't doing those things because you are my child. You're doing them because you are Azula."
It was the answer she'd wanted. She wiped her eyes and met Iroh's gaze. She realized she had grown to love this man very much, and that he had grown to love her. Maybe Azula should have asked him what she should do when she returned to the Fire Nation, but she had a more pressing question: "Do you think I could be a mother?"
"There is no doubt in my mind you will be a good mother. You've already become one," he said. His eyes filled with tears. "And that is the greatest victory of all."
Azula had held so much hope for an interesting day after she'd returned from those draining conversations with her parents to finish her leather-working chore with Mina. After a cold lunch, Hakoda motioned for her to join him. Now she sat across from Hakoda in a sealskin kayak as they paddled west into the bay. He was quiet, and she was bored. This was not in the least bit interesting.
She remembered what Katara and Sokka had both said about Hakoda spearheading the efforts to build the town hall. Just to start a conversation, she asked, "Why is the town hall constructed differently than the other buildings?"
Hakoda put his paddle into the boat. He was subdued as he answered. "It's a prototype. I traveled a lot of places during the war, and I saw a lot of building designs I thought might be more comfortable than our traditional huts and igloos. Katara's hut is the first we built like that, in fact. It was a welcome home gift after she came back from the Fire Nation."
A welcome home gift that was a house. That had a naked implication. Azula raised an eyebrow as she remembered Sokka's story about that day. "Did Katara really announce to the entire tribe that I'm excellent in bed?"
Hakoda scowled and guessed the source of Azula's information. "My son…"
"At least I know why you assumed I seduced Katara." She decided to get this silly bother out of the way. "We didn't start in bed and we don't end there either. We were friends for months before we realized we were attracted to each other."
Hakoda kept his eyes on the horizon. "I wanted her to break up with Aang. I knew she wasn't happy with him. Mostly I wanted her home again. She couldn't be here if she was with him. And to hear her say that she'd found someone in the Fire Nation. And then finding out it was you…"
"Did we…meet during the war?"
He gave a laugh of disbelief, and his teeth flashed white in contrast with his dark skin. "You don't remember? I was one of the prisoners that escaped from Boiling Rock."
It wasn't a happy memory, and it provoked a scowl. "You and your family were horrid headaches during the war."
They fell into silence until he asked, "Do you treat her right?"
She met his eyes. This wasn't a question she could dodge. "I try."
"How will they treat Ana?"
They, meaning the Fire Nation. "As my daughter. I will accept no less." She smiled fiercely. "And the wonderful thing about being royalty is that there are consequences to disobeying me."
To her surprise, he smiled. "I get the feeling you aren't a person to be crossed. I know you'll protect them."
"Katara doesn't need my protection." The very thought was amusing, and Hakoda gave a barking laugh of agreement. He said, "You're right about that. She wouldn't take it either."
They drifted in comfortable silence for a moment before Hakoda reached for the barbed spear he'd brought in the kayak. It had a length of rope attached to its blunt end. He balanced it in his palm and said, "This is a fishing spear."
As if she hadn't already guessed. Azula rolled her eyes, and Hakoda smirked. She had actually piddled around with spearfishing on Ember Island, but in that scenario, spearfishing involved swimming in the clear waters along a reef offshore and taking potshots at the small sharks that lived there.
There was a long stretch of silence again as Hakoda waited for a fish to venture close to their boat. When a fish did come, he shifted into a balanced crouch and gracefully speared it. The fish was a char; it had a surprising red belly and speckles along its sides. It was big enough to be a meal for a family. He explained their freshwater spawning habits and their seasonality as Azula took the next turn. Hakoda gave the lesson on char for at least fifteen minutes before another fish swam close to the kayak. Azula was perplexed when her perfect spear thrust didn't strike the fish.
"You have to aim lower," Hakoda said with a smug grin.
Of course. Light refracted in water. Azula shot him an irritated glance. "That would have been helpful to learn before I missed."
He grinned at her snidely, but he lost his smile when her dragon flew overhead with a roar. Hakoda lurched back, put a hand to his chest, and groaned. "Can you get that dragon to shut up?"
Rakka swept close to their boat and dragged her tail through the water, splashing them both. Hakoda scowled as he wiped the beaded water from his parka. "I don't think we're going to catch many fish with that dragon of yours helping."
"I think this is closer to playing behavior than hunting," Azula replied dryly. Rakka folded her wings and dove into the ocean. The dragon used her snake-like body to swim beneath their boat, which rocked against the waves she'd created, and she burst out of the water steaming, snorting twin froths of water from her nostrils.
"A dragon." Hakoda's voice was tainted by grief. Azula thought she'd gotten that out of the way by the name she'd given her dragon.
"She's no danger to you."
"Are you sure about that?" Hakoda lifted his head, and Azula was surprised to see tears slide down his cheeks. "I spent years traveling the world, trying to fight the Fire Nation in any way I could so that my children would be protected from the war. Every day I spent apart from them made me miss them more. It was like my heart was ripped from my chest. I never expected to see the war end, and I never expected to be back here, in my home with my family. I don't take a single day for granted." His voice broke. "But every time I see Katara leave, I wonder if she's going to come back."
Hakoda's snarling attacks were easier to deal with than this sorrow. Azula felt a twitch of unease and a shiver of anger that he would assume she'd ever be that selfish. "I would never ask that of her."
He gave a bitter laugh. "You don't have to ask. My daughter loves you, and she wants a family with you. She'd leave us behind in a heartbeat for that."
As surprised as she was by his certainty, she was angry too. Her voice was sharp. "Hakoda, it won't come to that. I know how important this is to her."
He wasn't swayed in the least. "It would be easier to believe if you weren't royalty. The Fire Nation is your home. I know you can't give that up any more than I can give up the South Pole." He scoffed bitterly. "And you have a dragon now. I'm not stupid; I remember your story. My daughter will have to make a choice one way or the other, and she'll choose you."
He was right about at least one thing. Azula had no doubt that her mother's concerns were true: Zuko would ask her to take the mantle of Fire Lord. His mind was occupied with dreams of a utopian city, and she guessed the trade between his nation and that dream wouldn't be difficult for him. And this time...Azula was in a position to accept. What she wanted was simple, but her greatest desires precluded each other. She couldn't solve this problem without speaking to her brother first. Even then… Azula could already see that someone would be unhappy with whatever decision she made. She wasn't sure she was strong enough to make that person herself.
Hakoda saw that in her face, and he smiled bitterly.
They called off their spearfishing when Rakka continued darting through the water, and they paddled back to the South Pole shore. Katara was waiting for them there. She had her parka hood down, and her loose hair spilled across her shoulders. As much as Azula understood Katara couldn't stand for her hair to be down, she appreciated it immensely. By her smile, Katara was in a much better mood than that morning. Her happiness was both balm and stinging guilt.
"Did you catch anything?"
"One fish," Hakoda muttered. "Then that dragon scared all the fish away."
Azula rolled her eyes as she stepped onto the ice. "I'm sensing a pattern: you blame large animals for your apparent failures to hunt."
"Keep that up and I'll slip some sea prunes in your next meal."
They began to drag the kayak out of the water, but Katara rolled her eyes and summoned a narrow wave that set the kayak on the ice in seconds. Katara wrapped her arms around her father's neck and kissed him on his cheek. "Gran Gran was looking for you."
His expression stretched in alarm. "Whoops. I completely forgot—" Hakoda began to jog across the ice, apparently afraid of his mother's irritation. They watched him hurry towards the village. Katara took Azula's hand, and her happy smile shifted to something less innocent. Katara turned her blue eyes up and down Azula's body in a way that made her shiver in pleasure. Sometimes Katara's gaze could be a caress.
"I know you don't have to wear that parka anymore."
She didn't, but Azula liked the way it made her feel to wear clothing Katara had made for her. She also liked that she didn't stand out wearing it.
"You gave it to me. I'm not giving it back." Azula tried to be haughty, and Katara laughed. She took Azula's hand and said, "Something occurred to me this morning: I've never had sex with a firebender before."
"Is that on your to-do list today?" Azula asked. She smirked even as her heart rate increased. After all these years, Katara had the act of rendering Azula into a helpless mess with one look down to an art. Katara turned that look on Azula now.
"I just happen to have some free time. And we have a few hours before Ana's lessons end."
Azula laughed breathlessly. "You are a temptation."
They were in Katara's hut, in her bed, naked, and very close to enjoying the activity Katara had suggested when she paused and looked up Azula's body. "I'm going to interrupt the mood here… But can firebenders fart fire?"
Azula guffawed. What a question! Where had that come from? She lifted her head and raised her eyebrows. Katara bridged her fingers over Azula's belly and settled her chin there with a sheepish smile.
"Consider the mood broken. And that is one aspect of firebending that I never care to explore. There are jokes and stories, of course, but I've never heard of a real incident."
"You've never tried it?" Katara asked. She began to snicker immediately, probably at her own question.
"Princesses do not fart."
"Uh huh," Katara said dubiously. She pressed a quick kiss to Azula's skin. "I bet you think you don't snore either."
Azula was appalled. "Bite your tongue, woman!"
Katara kissed her skin with greater purpose and lifted her mouth to Azula's breasts, causing Azula to shiver. The mood was restored just like that. Katara slipped inside Azula and ascended to kiss her. "Turn your head," Katara murmured.
Azula did. The warm coals pulsed in time with her breaths. She concentrated on stopping her input, but Katara curled her fingers and rubbed within her. Azula's hips jerked as her body seemed to hollow in pleasure.
"Stop thinking, baby," Katara murmured into her ear.
"It would be…oh! You—Katara!" Azula grabbed her shoulders and managed to blurt, "I don't want to burn your hut down."
"You're warmer," Katara said quietly, apparently unconcerned. Her fingers found that place again and rubbed. Azula tossed her head and gasped, guessing that Katara was going to wring her out with pleasure and anticipating it. "Did you know that? You're warmer here too." She swirled her fingers again and Azula's toes curled.
The lamp flared blue.
"Ooh, that felt good, didn't it?" Katara did it again, her expression smug.
Coals popped. Katara kissed her with a gentle sweep of her tongue. She murmured, "Very good. I can make it even better."
Azula was powerless to respond in words. Katara continued that confounding touch, whispering soft commands to relax, to let it happen, to trust her...and Azula did. She let go and focused only on Katara's quiet, wicked words in her ear. When Azula came, her world slipped into gray momentarily. Katara brought her back to reality with a long, smug kiss. "Good, hm?" Katara brushed Azula's hair from her face gently. "Guess what. You didn't burn the hut down."
Azula was still gasping and relaxed bonelessly as she collected herself. She would have to pay Katara back for that. No doubt they would both enjoy that particular revenge. Katara must have guessed her thoughts because she smiled wickedly and pronounced, "I'm not finished with you yet."
"Azuwa."
"Yes, Ana?" Azula asked, opening her eyes. She was tired but happy. Katara had left to check on the new baby and mother with Hama after a delicious, exhausting afternoon. No doubt Katara's task had ballooned into more…or into gossip. For her part, Azula had enjoyed the few hours she'd spent entertaining her little girl while they waited for Katara to return for supper.
Ana bounced, and Azula hid her wince. She held Ana around the waist and steadied her. "I'm not a trampoline."
"What's that?"
"A platform made out of supple leather. You bounce on it. As you should not bounce on me."
"A bwanket toss!" Ana said in recognition. She stopped bouncing, for the moment at least. Azula returned her hands behind her head and relaxed onto the pelt that lined the wood floor. Ana smiled at her so sweetly and flopped on Azula's chest to give her a squeeze around her neck. Azula lifted her head to give that little head a kiss. Ana could be a busy, independent little thing, but she liked to sit with the adults in her life for much longer than Azula's niece or nephew. She hoped the three children would be quick to mesh.
Katara stepped into the hut with a current of cold air. She pulled off her parka and paused when she looked up. Katara's smile was slow but full as she saw them. Ana lifted her head and was quick to clamber off of Azula. She put her knee sharply against Azula's bladder as she did, drawing a wince.
"Mommy!"
"Hi, sweetheart. Did you have a good day?"
"Uh huh! Azuwa is the Princess and the Mongoose Dragon!"
She'd gotten quite a few points for that fact. Apparently it was Ana's favorite picture book. Katara's expression shifted into a faint frown that she directed in part to Azula. Surely she couldn't protest Azula reading a picture book to her child. "I'd guessed. Ana, never ever try to ride a mongoose dragon."
"They aren't that dangerous," Azula protested. Katara gave her a pointed look, and she amended her statement. "Not the hatchlings, at least."
"You didn't try to ride a hatchling."
Azula considered Ana's past record with dangerous animals and pulled a face. "Ana, you are never to try to ride a mongoose dragon without my supervision."
"What?" Ana turned to Azula with wide eyes. "What's that?"
"Supervision. It means that I'm with you and aware of what you're doing."
Ana frowned in consideration. She was still working out the term camouflage, using it as much as possible. Now she had another big word to learn. Katara settled by the coal pit and sighed—a sigh that could have been happy or sad. "I was thinking we could leave next week if everything goes well."
Azula sensed some reluctance in that statement. "Before you get your third whale?"
Katara smiled. "Nema can guide the kayak. She did earlier, when you were gone."
"But you didn't get it?"
Katara's smile broadened. She was proud. "She sensed it had a calf. We don't take mothers. She made the right choice."
Even as hunters these people were gentle. It was an interesting balance, one that probably ensured the whales would survive and propagate enough to sustain the Southern Water Tribe through the ages. They took no more than they needed and were careful about what they did take.
"Are you ready to leave?"
"I miss the Fire Nation," Katara admitted. Those words were a pleasant surprise. "I've been away for a long time."
"Is Kanna ready for you to go back?"
"Actually, I think I've convinced her—or Iroh has—to come with us to see the Fire Nation. If that's okay."
It would be good for the woman to experience something wholly new after the loss of Pakku, and she wouldn't be parted from Katara or Ana. It would be good for Katara too. Azula reached across the fire pit to squeeze Katara's hand. "That's okay," she said firmly. Ana put her little hand on theirs and echoed Azula. "That's okay!"
All three of them jumped when someone rapped on the wooden support of Katara's door. "Aang's here!" came the cheerful call.
Azula didn't bother with her parka jacket. She hung back at the entrance to the hut and held Ana back from greeting the man. Katara hurried forward into the sunny cold day to greet the Avatar, who stood just outside of Katara's hut. Either he didn't see Azula or he didn't recognize her in these clothes. He carried her lopsided shoulder-bag in his hand. Instead of a happy returned greeting to Katara, he was uncharacteristically somber. He was pale, and deep shadows ringed his bloodshot eyes. Had he been crying?
"I'm so sorry, Katara." His voice was uncharacteristically rough.
Katara hesitated. "Sorry? For what?"
"She… I…" He held out Azula's betrothal necklace in one hand. His fingers were trembling. Katara's shoulders stiffened. A murmur broke out among the few people who had come forward to greet the Avatar. His shoulders shrank. He'd grown to be a fairly tall man, but he didn't look it now.
Azula bent down to Ana. "Go inside." Whatever was in her expression or tone, it caused Ana to obey her without a word.
She stood and walked towards the Avatar; her sealskin boots were soft against her sore heels. "What are you going to say, Avatar? That you killed me? Or that I bullied you into leaving me on that island?" Azula asked, finally ready to goad him into a fight. She could kill him now with her firebending and be done with this animal fear that made her stupid and angry. "What a pleasure to see you again. How is the beautiful Lady Fafa?"
"Azula," Katara warned sharply.
The Avatar's face had gone white at the sound of Azula's voice. His wide eyes looked between Azula and Katara in frozen horror. She'd been right; he hadn't expected her to be alive. She held out her empty hand. "I would like my belongings returned."
"I thought you were dead," he said fearfully. No doubt his fear was more about Katara's reaction than of Azula. Perhaps she could change that.
Katara went still. "Dead?" she said quietly. Even though that word wasn't directed at her, Azula felt a shiver of fear.
"Then…you can bend," the Avatar said quietly, addressing Azula.
"Thanks to you." Azula looked him in the eye and let him judge her thoughts: test me now, Avatar. "Or no thanks to you. No doubt the majority of the damage you witnessed on that island was from me."
"Ran and Shaw—"
"Dead." Azula said it only to horrify him. She ignored Katara's interjection. "It turns out I am the Last Dragon of the West."
His color returned in a red flush, and his apparent guilt became anger. "You don't deserve her!"
So it had turned into that sort of confrontation. How droll—though it made her task of angering him significantly easier.
"Yes, I'm sure," Azula replied with a sneer and a twitch of her hand. "Clearly I'm the evil Fire Nation Princess, and I use Katara as my waterbending concubine. I must have seduced her, and I keep her as a trophy for my bed. She will never be allowed to leave the Fire Nation, and I will bear heirs from strong firebending Fire Nation noble men while Katara serves me in the bedroom."
She paused, watched Aang's face go white, and laughed. "Is that what you really believe? For someone who touts Katara as much as you do, you don't seem to think she's good enough to be my wife."
"That's not what I said!" the Avatar shouted. She'd made him angry with her statement. This was delicious anger, and she wanted to draw out more. She wanted to see him squirm. She could match him now.
"Both of you stop it!" Katara snapped.
The Avatar stepped towards Azula aggressively. "It took you ten years to come here! Ten years Katara waited for you to see her home and meet her family, and even though you made her wait that long she still married you! And you'll probably never come back here again!"
Azula looked into his eyes and drove the knife deep. "The pathetic thing to me, Avatar, is that you pine over a woman who would never have loved you even if I didn't exist."
She realized what he was going to do just as he threw his arms up with a roar of anger. She was encased in ice a second later. Azula used her flame to shatter that ice away from the huts and let out a burst of fire to propel her across the ground, away from the Avatar. She couldn't attack him with the village to his back. She could beat him; she knew that. But she couldn't do it while trying to prevent the destruction of a village-worth of people and property.
"Stop it!" Katara screamed. The villagers were all scrambling away…for good reason.
The Avatar threw a burst of fire towards her, and Azula broke it easily. She sneered at his measly flame. She settled into the steady stance of the dancing dragon and waited for his next attack. He didn't disappoint; he cracked up a frozen patch of earth and kicked it at her. The ice within cracked when her flame scorched it, and it shattered with her kick, peppering the ice wall but causing no damage. She'd have to get beyond the wall before she could fight him evenly; she'd have to do so to make sure he didn't destroy any more of the village.
She jumped, combusted fire beneath her feet, and spun past the air attack he swept at her. She gave another burst of fire to redirect her momentum upward. Another powerful surge and she was sailing out onto the tundra. The Avatar chased her on a swirl of air. She gave a steady exhale as the flame from her hands and feet shot her across the tundra. When she dropped onto the ground, she ran before her momentum slowed enough for her to stop. She spun and punched a burst of fire at the rapidly approaching Avatar.
He breathed a blast of icy wind to disperse her flames as he landed near her. With two jerks of his arm, he sent ice projectiles streaking towards her. Azula simply rolled her shoulder, exhaled, and brought her flame around her like a cloak. The sharp ice hit her fire and boiled away into nothing.
Then a very angry dragon gave a very angry scream. Rakka flew down in front of Azula, and there was a crackle of static as her dragon coaxed lightning. The Avatar stared up at her dragon with his mouth open; his assault stopped momentarily.
Rakka rotated her body and sent a bolt of lightning at the Avatar. It wasn't particularly powerful, but it could kill him. His gaze sharpened as he seized it. He redirected it—at Azula.
It was a round robin of lightning redirection. What had started as a small bolt from Rakka gained strength as it passed through the Avatar's core, and it took Azula's breath away as she redirected it inland, where it shattered the ground in a massive crash of thunder and a shocking ring of static. The Avatar was gaping again, but his shock was at Azula, not her dragon now. Perhaps at himself. Lightning was the ultimate killing element, and he touted himself a pacifist.
She laughed; her fear was gone in a rush of adrenaline. She understood this kind of fight, and she thirsted for it: battling another master bender. Lightning was fine—powerful but understood. Azula would rather lightning a thousand times over than energybending.
The heat of battle sometimes turned people to using more force than they realized. How many times had Ozai nearly killed her as a girl because of his anger at her skill in battle? The Avatar would be no different, especially if fighting in a rage. It gave her an excuse to end him. She hadn't turned the lightning back on him because in that half-second, she hadn't realized this was a battle to the death. Odd that her first reaction wasn't to just end his life, but she had free rein now.
Now…now she would kill him with her fire.
First she had to get rid of Rakka. Azula didn't need her dragon's help to win this battle. She wasn't willing to risk her either. A small zap of lightning and concentration on the command 'go away' was enough. Rakka shrieked in rage and retreated with a heavy burst of air from her wings.
A boulder of frozen earth came straight at Azula's head. She dropped onto her hands, balanced there, and swung her leg under her lifted right arm. As she did so, she exhaled, and a rolling wall of fire coned outward from her feet. Left in its wake was steaming, rippled snow. The Avatar tried to stand firm in the face of the attack, but apparently he hadn't expected the force of her fire. He broke enough to not be burned, but he staggered backwards.
Azula continued her motion to gain her feet and coaxed her flame as she did so. The Avatar lifted his hands in a burst of air that saved his life, but he continued to stagger off-balance. She took a step forward, steady and firm, and her next attack sent him to his back on the ice.
In just a few seconds she had uprooted him and knocked him down to the ground. Apparently he hadn't expected her strength; the element of surprise was useful after all. He would die for underestimating her.
Azula grinned fiercely as she took a breath and lifted her hand. She was about to deliver the death blow to the Avatar. He knew what was coming. His eyes went wide and he yanked ice around himself for protection, but it would never be enough, not from her flame. She was going to kill her enemy in glorious battle. Princess Azula, Vanquisher of the Avatar! She would kill her fear, burn it to nothing, and render it moot, cleanse herself of it out on this frozen tundra.
"Stop!"
Azula stopped before she consciously understood those words or who had screamed them. Katara approached on a swath of ice, but she was too far away to do much more than scream. Katara had served as Azula's moral compass even contrary to her first instincts, and Azula obeyed the certain command as much as she understood it was right to obey. She exhaled and her fire came, but she shifted her weight and sent it roaring and tearing up earth and ice and snow to her left. Her attack left a massive scar meters deep into the tundra. It would have killed the Avatar easily.
Azula had stopped.
The Avatar didn't.
When he broke from his ice shield, his eyes and tattoos were glowing. He levitated forward faster than Azula could have anticipated. Instead of using flame or earth or ice or air, he reached out with his bare hand. After the explosive speed of his approach, he hovered in front of her in utter stillness. Then his thumb gently touched her chest.
Just that small touch stripped her of everything. Azula was paralyzed. Her muscles turned to liquid and she fell to her knees, staring up at his inhuman face. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe, and couldn't protect herself in any capacity with that paralyzing touch on her chest. She'd been so certain she would win. She could have, but winning would have meant she'd lose what she valued most in her life.
And now she was going to lose her bending all over again.
This was her nightmare in every form: the paralysis and her helpless terror.
How had it come to this? Punishment for goading him all these years, perhaps. Punishment for her very fear of him and his power. What a fool pride had made her.
Azula was certain of the next moment: the Avatar's second thumb brushing her forehead and the screaming terror of him reaching into her soul. Would she feel a spiritual rip or would she only feel his intrusion? She watched his right hand descend.
In that moment an unexpected emotion settled over her: she felt peace. She'd been able to enjoy her firebending for just these few days, but it was better than not at all. This would change nothing about her life or her spirit. She was Azula, even if she couldn't command her namesake. She would face her greatest fear, undergo it, and survive past it.
And life would be simpler without bending. Easier.
She accepted her fate with dignity and watched his second thumb reach towards her face.
Abruptly, that thumb jerked backwards, and the Avatar's wrist twisted. His entire body flexed and bowed. His feet lifted from the ground. His right arm continued moving until it was twisted at a painful angle well away from Azula's body.
Behind him Katara's hands were up in waterbending stance, and her face was tight in concentration. Bloodbender. She was bloodbending the Avatar.
"Don't touch her, Aang!" Katara snarled.
The Avatar groaned, and his body lurched as Katara shifted her hips and levitated him back. The glowing white of his eyes faded and was replaced by tears. His thumb fell from Azula's chest.
Azula took a gasping breath where she remained on her knees. A second gasping breath, then she exhaled a flick of fire. Azula put her hand in the snow and got to her feet. She walked away as tears slipped down her cheeks. She'd faced the nightmare and lost. She hadn't expected to be rescued.
Lying on his back on the ground, the Avatar moaned. He curled up and put his hands over his face. Through them, his words were barely audible: "I'm sorry; I'm so sorry…"
Katara ran past him without a look and wrapped her arms around Azula's shoulders. She looked as faint as Azula felt.
"Are you okay?"
Azula steadied herself against Katara, and Katara wiped away her tears. She managed to say, "I'll survive. A little terror never did anyone any harm." She looked at the Avatar, surprised that in that moment all she really felt was pity. Azula leaned forward and rested her forehead against Katara's. "I was going to kill him. Thank you for stopping me."
"I should have let you." Katara was crying too, but these were angry tears by the set of her mouth. Azula couldn't imagine what kind of betrayal this felt like to her wife; despite Azula's own part in this battle, Katara was sure to take this personally. After a few moments in a reassuring embrace, Katara took her hand and walked them by the Avatar without a word.
Azula didn't say anything as they walked back to the village. She was fairly certain she'd get a tongue-lashing as soon as Katara calmed down enough from her anger at the Avatar to realize she was angry at Azula too, but in that moment, Azula was too relieved to care.
She glanced back over her shoulder and watched the Avatar slowly get to his feet. He was quietly crying. He was just a man, just a human with his own motivations and needs. His name was Aang. There was no reason to fear him anymore and certainly no reason to tout him by his title. Aang.
"Katara!" he called desperately.
Katara didn't turn around. Her expression didn't change, but her grip on Azula's hand tightened.
There were a few people at the village wall waiting, but they took one look at Katara and made themselves scarce. Azula's dragon swept down hesitantly and managed a contrite croon. Azula put her palm on Rakka's snout to soothe both of their emotions. She'd been afraid the little incident had damaged the bond that was growing between them, but Rakka hadn't reverted to wildness. Her dragon slithered into the village and coiled into a guarding mass in front of Katara's hut.
Azula stopped to pick up her shoulder-bag from where Aang had dropped it. Katara touched her shoulder and reached out to tie on her betrothal necklace wordlessly. When they ducked into Katara's hut, Ana looked up at them in apparent relief. She wordlessly requested a hug, and it wasn't difficult to give to her.
Azula sorted through her bag, shaky but falling into a calmness she remembered post-battle during the war. Ana recited the items within it. Her dragon dagger—with the certain command: "No touching"—personal seal, and the money pouch were all there. Aang had kept her things safe for her; she had to give him that. It must have been a temptation to destroy at least her betrothal necklace.
Through all of that Katara sat and brooded in silence, staring into the coal pit. This was the downside to such a small living space: no privacy to be angry.
Azula realized she would have to distract a worried three-year-old. She went over to the trunk and pulled out one of Laza's illustrated books. Ana couldn't read yet, but Azula traced her fingertip down each character as she read it aloud. She'd learned with her niece and nephew that children liked a certain cadence and enunciation. She couldn't quite manage it in the fragile silence of the hut.
A knock sounded against the outer edge of the hut.
"Go away!"
Katara's sharp tone scared Ana. It was a little intimidating to Azula. Someone pushed into the hut. Kanna's wrinkled face was drawn in a chastising frown. "That is no way to speak to your grandmother, who just braved a dragon to come get you."
"Gran Gran." Even as an adult, Katara was cowed. "I'm sorry. I was…"
"You're angry at perhaps a few individuals today." Kanna's gaze flickered to Azula, who had to look away. The old woman folded her arms. "I'll feed this little one and get her ready for bed. Both of you should go to the town hall to talk to each other."
"I don't want to even look at him—"
Azula knew Katara needed this. She said, "Even if you don't have anything to say, I have a few questions. I'd prefer your certain protection in case my questions provoke his anger again." But as she said it, she knew there would never be another attack.
They kissed Ana goodnight, and Katara finally softened into Ana's tight hug. When they stepped out into the cold, the village was conspicuously silent. No doubt everyone here knew what kind of temper Katara hid behind her general good nature, and they were staying well out of the way.
Aang sat in front of the main fire pit in the town hall. He was pale and unhappy. When they entered, he stood up. He looked into Azula's eyes with remorse and bowed deeply. "I'm so sorry, Azula. I'm can't express how sorry I am." His next question was desperate, perhaps a little defensive. "Why do you keep making me angry on purpose?"
She looked back at him evenly, did not bow, and did not sit down. "Because I hate being afraid, and I'm afraid of you."
Aang looked at her as if she'd said the strangest thing in the world. Katara shifted in obvious surprise.
"It horrified me when I learned of what you did to Ozai. What you did was far worse than killing him. I had nightmares about you stripping my bending for years."
He flinched, but she continued on. That hadn't been the point she wanted to make.
"Ozai remained alive as a prisoner in deplorable conditions. I had to petition for his comfort. And even with what comforts I could give him, he lived in two rooms—the same two rooms—for the rest of his life without any hope of freedom. His anger at his situation multiplied and stagnated. Zuko and I were lucky that his anger manifested as an attempt on my life. You and I are both lucky that the arrow meant for Katara was never loosed.
"Avatar Aang, did you consider that Ozai could still hold great sway in the Fire Nation after the war ended? That he could have organized a coup to murder my brother? That he could have destroyed the Fire Nation with his very presence? That as miserable of a man as he was, he deserved an honorable death in battle? And that the last thing my brother ever needed in his life was to give the order to execute his own father?"
Aang shook his head slowly; he looked absolutely exhausted. "No, I didn't. But I wouldn't change what I did to Ozai. I am, though, deeply sorry about what I tried to do to you. There's a time and place for energybending, but that wasn't it."
"You should be. You put yourself in a situation that had two possible results: you would strip my bending, or you would be stripped of your own."
His eyes went wide.
Azula smiled into his shocked face. Her words were a bluff in a way; it hadn't even occurred to her until now their confrontation could have ended in such a way. "Toph Bei Fong and I regularly correspond. She seems to think that if you attempt to energybend without a pure of spirit, you lose everything. Earlier, when you fought me in anger and jealousy, was your heart pure?"
He took a long, fragile breath and nodded. "No. You could be right. Katara, thank you for stopping me."
Aang looked at Katara with hopeful remorse. Katara ignored him. Her shoulders were a tight line and her arms were folded defensively. Katara's eyes looked almost clear with her anger, and her gaze remained on the fire pit. Her jaw was set in a hard, stubborn line. Azula wasn't sure she'd ever seen Katara this angry. Apparently Aang hadn't either. His expression broke.
"You hold a power that is devastating and horrifying, Avatar Aang. I hope that in the future you will wield it responsibly." She met his eyes. "You are not above reproach. You are not above our laws. I am bound to protect the people of my nation. And I can beat you."
He nodded slowly even as his beard-covered jaw tightened. Aang didn't quite believe it, but she'd put some doubt in him. He'd put some doubt in her too. Perhaps they were both mutually deterred. "Noted," he said quietly. He turned to Katara in desperation. "Please, Katara, I'm so sorry."
"You were my friend." Katara's voice was choked with tears. She didn't look at him to see his boyish face break at the past-tense in her statement. "Why couldn't you just be happy for me? Is it that hard? Can't you just give up on me?!"
"I just want what's best for you, Katara."
"Azula is. She loves me. She's my wife, Aang. I love her, and I will always choose her. I can't forgive you for this. Not only did you leave her alone on a dangerous island, you didn't give her any information about what she would face. You used lightning against her, and you tried to energybend her!"
"I thought she was going to kill me! She said she killed the dragons, and all the things she'd said about sleeping with other women and liking you only for your body—"
"And you!" Katara shot a look of pure frustrated anger to Azula, who flinched. "Stop it! I don't care if Aang makes you piss your pants; stop provoking him!" She turned back to Aang. "She calls me 'darling', sends my family gifts here, visited me when I asked her, will marry me back in the Fire Nation despite all the hassle because I want it. She's adopting Ana as her child. She loves me, she's lying to you to make you angry. Trust me. Would I ever tolerate all those things you say she's said?"
She turned back to Azula and pointed at Aang. Her eyes were sharp, flecked with pale blue like ice. "This man is the gentlest person I've never known. He once nursed a baby cat owl to health by hand-feeding it for three weeks. He always offers help when he's asked, and he has never met a person he doesn't like. He's always been there for me, and all he wants is for everyone in this world to be safe and happy.
"I love both of you so much, and it hurts me that you can't find a way to at least tolerate each other. Every fight, every lie, every time you insult each other, you're hurting me."
Aang's shoulders rounded down; he looked as cowed as Azula felt. Katara pointed at the rug in front of the firepit. "Both of you sit down and hold hands."
"What?" Azula asked flatly. Aang turned a terrified look from Azula to Katara; he met Katara's gaze and sat down. When Azula did the same, Katara's sharp gaze made her legs fold to sitting too. She and Aang stared at each other's hands for a long moment before Aang opened his palm. Azula put her hand in his sweaty palm and sighed heavily. She couldn't believe this.
"Now, talk to each other. I'm leaving. No one comes out of this hut for fifteen minutes. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Aang said quietly. Azula sighed once more and nodded.
Katara walked out of the building. Azula and Aang let go of each other's hands as soon as she was out of the door and shuffled away to give each other a more comfortable meter of personal space.
For a moment they sat in stillness. Azula sighed once again, looking at the palm that had held his. "I lie. I get angry and I lash out. So remember this truth even if I'm saying something else: Katara is unique. She's singular. There is no one else in this world like her, and I know how lucky I am that she's chosen me to share her life with. But I didn't steal her from you. She left you before she ever entertained the thought of being with me, and there's no one you can blame for that, not even yourself."
He looked at her warily; Azula could see he was considering her words, as painful as they must be. She continued, "Katara is also the most forgiving person I know. I was her enemy…all of your enemies during the war, and yet now I'm her wife."
"You don't have to rub it in," he said. His eyes flicked to her betrothal necklace, and he had to look away quickly.
Azula rolled her eyes and waved her hand. "Your lack of comprehension skills astounds me. Listen to what I mean, not the words I'm saying. I'm trying to tell you that if she can forgive me that, she can forgive you this. If she's making us sit together and hold hands, surely she means to forgive you."
He was still wary. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Certainly not because I spare a thought towards you, especially after your pathetic attempts against me. But she loves you as her friend, and she won't forgive herself for all of this until she forgives you." She looked him in the eye as her face hardened. "Make no mistake, Aang. If you ever make an attempt on my life or my firebending again, I will feed you to my dragon."
His eyes widened, and he was momentarily diverted. "How did that happen? Where did it come from? And Ran and Shaw…?"
Perhaps she owed him that information. "Ran and Shaw's last surviving offspring. We did a little battle, and she's my dragon now. I never saw the other two."
He slumped forward as if in relief. "So that was what I saw. I was so angry when I took you to the Sun Warrior's island. The betrothal necklace and then after I made the whole trip, you didn't want my help at all. I didn't think you'd actually be in danger, but... I made it all the way back to the Earth Kingdom, and then I realized I couldn't just leave you. So I went back. I thought you were dead—the beach was completely destroyed, and the Sun Warriors weren't there. I thought I'd killed you. I didn't know what to do. I went back to the Earth Kingdom to work for a few days, but I knew I'd have to tell Katara."
Azula watched his shoulders shrink. She realized for the first time that there was a fine stubble of dark hair on his head that matched the shadowed facial hair over his lip. He looked stressed. He said, "I feel so awful for what I did."
What a pathetic little pissant. What kind of person made it through life feeling guilty about such little things? Azula laughed at him. "Get over yourself."
Aang's head jerked up. He looked at her in shock. Azula rolled her eyes. "Shall we go over a list of your supposed sins? First, you took me to a place I asked you to take me to and you left me when I asked you to. If you wanted me dead you should have just dropped me over the ocean, and you certainly shouldn't have returned to the island in a fit of conscience.
"Then when I provoked your anger and nearly killed you, you tried to take my bending. And you failed at it all. The only thing that's worth feeling guilty over is your appalling performance. Don't make a career out of it; you would be a terrible antagonist. Take it from someone who was exceptional at filling that role." She lifted her nose and examined her fingernails haughtily.
Aang's shoulders slumped—not in guilt but in relief—and he really looked at her for the first time. He was obviously perplexed by her. Azula doubted she could ever like him, but despite his characteristic passive aggressive manifestations, he'd actually earned a tad bit of her respect for doing something with his anger instead of just walking away. It helped so much that she no longer felt that dreadful fear when she looked at him. She'd faced the nightmare and had accepted it.
"You should note this." Azula's words to him were a vow. "Give up on her; find someone else to love. I plan to spend the rest of my life convincing Katara she made the right choice when she chose me." She paused. "But in so doing, I could never stand in the way of you being her friend."
His gray eyes dropped. Then he looked up at Azula; his face had shifted in acceptance. He stood as she got up, and he bowed to her. "Thank you, Azula."
"You're not welcome," she sneered. He gave a soft laugh anyway.
When Azula got up to leave, Aang pointed out, "It probably hasn't been fifteen minutes yet."
Azula glanced at the trunk in the corner considering. She'd been introduced to a few games that were within it. Might as well battle in a nonviolent way than sit in awkward silence. "Do you play cards?"
Katara was waiting for her outside a little while later. Azula held out her hand and released a breath of relief when Katara took the invitation. "I suppose a great deal of this is my fault."
"Yes, it is," Katara said in less anger that Azula expected. "But he should have stayed with you on that island. He knew the dangers. And he should never have started that fight or tried to take your bending."
Azula stopped her. "Aside from obviously provoking his anger, my mistake was not confronting him years ago. It was petty pride and fear on my part. I have no doubt that I only kept confirming his beliefs about me: that I don't deserve you. I did it purposefully to hurt him. I never considered that it hurt you too."
"I don't care what you said to him. He should never have attacked you. We're adults; we aren't six year olds. We don't fight; we talk! And then trying to use energybending against you even after you stopped fighting..." Katara turned her head and shivered in rage. If she were a firebender, there would be twin streams of flame exhaled from her nose. "Oh, I'm mad at you, but I'm madder at him."
Azula wasn't deterred from her main concern. "Are you alright?"
"I can't believe it."
"Yes, the Avatar is a rather miserable adversary."
Her joke wasn't appreciated. "This is serious!"
"Katara." Azula placed her hand on Katara's lips. "Are you alright about what you did? Bloodbending him?"
Katara took her hand and pulled her in the direction of the bay. They walked in silence to the ice edge and turned to slowly walk parallel to the water. Katara exhaled a long breath in a puff of white air, and she was calm when she spoke. "I've learned a lot about myself from you. You've complicated a lot in my life; you've mixed up my moralities. You can be so good, so wonderful…and then you can be the embodiment of everything I fear about the Fire Nation.
"You think the ends justify the means, especially with violence. You're so mean sometimes; you needle people. That you need to stop, at least with my friends. So stop."
Azula gave a half smile. "I will attempt to consider saying something else."
"Or nothing at all." Katara continued on her earlier thought. "You wouldn't hesitate to kill an enemy. You wouldn't hesitate to make that death a lesson for others. You don't hesitate to intimidate, and you enjoy it. You like the power you wield. That's as much a part of you as the woman who loves her bearded cat and tears up when she holds a baby."
What an odd characterization.
"And to love you, I've had to accept it all. I've had to learn to trust you. You taught me that things aren't black and white. I don't like bloodbending. I think it's wrong. But I wouldn't change what I did to Aang, and I don't regret doing it. It was the right thing to do."
"He went back for me," Azula had to admit. "He saw the remnants of the battle with my dragon and thought I was dead. And I gather things have changed a great deal where he took me." Azula squeezed her arm. "I don't care if you associate with him, Katara. You don't have to suffer a grudge for my sake."
"This is for my sake right now. Ten years I've been waiting for him to grow up and give up on me to be my friend again, and he does this. I trusted him with you, and he betrayed me." Katara's jaw tightened and tears rose in her eyes. "I hesitated. I hesitated because I was afraid of what will happen now. It's one thing for you to firebend; it's another for you to have a dragon."
Azula couldn't blame her. She hoped her words weren't empty when she said, "This will change nothing."
Katara smiled an unhappy smile. "I trust you, Azula, but I don't believe that."
"Thank you," Azula told her quietly. She kissed Katara's bare hands and met Katara's eyes with a long look. "Thank you for saving me anyway."
The Avatar left the village the same day of his arrival in apparent embarrassment, though he offered Azula a smile and asked for another card game when they met again. A truce, she supposed, though she boasted she would win next time.
Azula expected at least some sort of awkwardness about what had happened, but the next day no one seemed at all bothered. It wasn't the elephant rat in the room either; they all just moved on. Somehow it was easy to move on herself.
She knew she would never have to worry about Aang again. Maybe he would find peace with himself too. Hopefully he and Katara would recover what relationship they could, if only to resolve the unhappiness and anger that this had caused in Katara. It had done the opposite for Azula; she felt a sort of happiness about getting that confrontation out of the way and facing down her nightmare, even if she didn't win that battle.
Even after all the insanity of the last week, Azula spent most of her hours the next days working with the villagers to help them make a living. She was coached on fishing, weaving nets, carving bone, and sewing leather. She began crafting her own spear and machete-like weapon that would double as a club. She was careful with every shave and grind; the bones that these weapons were created from were precious.
The hardest task she had so far was weaving a basket from baleen. The men and women of the tribe who gathered to chat and sing as they wove their baskets were quick. Their fingers flicked, and the baleen basket began to form in minutes. Some of them even made miniature baskets. One woman carved ivory into little figurines that would sit in the basket top. Kanna was the best of the weavers, and she was a very good teacher. Azula wasn't a particularly good student.
Azula frowned down at the basket in her lap. It was little more than an ivory ring and a few centimeters of weaving, but it was already uneven.
"I did that weave too thick."
Kanna smiled. "Then just make it thicker on the other side to balance it."
Azula glanced at Kanna's basket. "All of your rows are even."
"I've woven hundreds of these baskets in my life," Kanna replied calmly. "None of them were perfect. It doesn't have to be perfect; it only has to do its job."
"I don't care if it's perfect," Azula muttered as she reached for another precious piece of whalebone. "I'd just like it to be even."
Kanna laughed and patted her hand. "Then practice."
Azula managed another row, but she was caught up in her own worry. This task invited an open mind, and Azula's open mind was full of unhappy thoughts. Hakoda had been right to worry about what would happen when they left, but Azula didn't want Kanna to think Katara would never come back, especially after Kanna's recent loss.
When Kanna met her eyes, Azula said, "I won't ask Katara to give this up."
To Azula's surprise, the woman smiled gently. "Of course not. This place is in your spirit now too. You'll be called back just as she is."
She opened her mouth to explain it was not quite that easy and saw that Kanna knew exactly what the stakes were. This woman wasn't from the Fire Nation, but she wasn't stupid. She knew what this dragon meant…and she still trusted Azula with her granddaughter. Kanna's smile softened even more, and she patted Azula's hand.
The town hall door opened, and Katara stepped inside. She didn't remove her parka jacket, but she pushed the hood off, displaying the tight braid Azula had watched her form that morning. It was still mind boggling to watch a woman braid her own hair so efficiently. Katara stopped to kiss her grandmother and sat down in front of Azula. Her expression was a bit impish, a good change from the quiet anger she'd carried around about Aang the last few days.
"So, I have some free time."
There was no way this was a proposition, not in present company. "I see," Azula replied neutrally.
Katara's smile widened in apparent anticipation. "I want to spar."
The thought had a certain appeal, but as much as she appreciated Katara's talent, Azula knew she'd pull her punches. Azula hesitated, and Katara was obviously surprised. She grinned in perplexity. "I would have thought you'd be all over this."
Ten years ago, she would have. "I trust your strength, but…"
Katara rolled her eyes and grabbed Azula's hand. "It's not an Agni Kai, Azula. Come on."
Azula let herself be dragged to her feet and out onto the ice of the bay. When they took their stances, she was as hesitant as Katara was anticipatory. Rakka lifted her head from her nap on the ice in curiosity. A few villagers had gathered to watch them. Azula sensed this would only end in her personal embarrassment.
Katara started with a little water whip, and Azula broke it with a gentle flick of fire. Katara made a rude noise at the weakness of the counter. They exchanged a slightly stronger attack, but Azula was beginning to realize that Katara's enthusiasm was more about seeing her fire than about actually fighting. Maybe this would become custom for them, but it would take a lot of practice…and there was no one in the world who could instruct Azula on the right steps.
Azula dodged a gentle water attack, and Katara yanked the ice from beneath her feet. Azula was too preoccupied by the flare of fire she'd just released to react, and she went down on her back with a yelp.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" Katara slid next to her. "Did you hit your head?"
Lying on her back with a wedge of hard snow digging into her shoulder, Azula began to laugh. "Darling, I think the war was a unique experience for us if we can't manage a simple sparring session."
Katara settled down beside her and put her head on Azula's chest. "This seemed a lot more fun in theory."
"Why don't we dance instead?"
"Dance as in our dance or dance as in your dragon death dance?" Despite the dubious nature of the question, Katara's enthusiasm had returned. Azula had to kiss her for that. She said, "A mix of both. We'll mirror attacks and see how close we can get between our elements."
Katara grinned. "That sounds fun."
And it worked out quite well, actually. This was going to be a profitable exercise; Azula learned something new about her firebending with that one session. She would never be able to use the graceful, flowing movements Katara utilized to tease water, but it was fun to try. Katara, for her part, giggled with each attempt to shove her water away like fire, and their session ended with laughter when she accidentally doused them both.
They would certainly be doing this again.
The day that they left, the villagers threw a summer end party. They'd made their last whale kill the day before, and everyone was relieved and happy for it. "It was a late season, but this was the shortest whale season we've had," Katara said. "Nema guided the kayak beautifully."
Nema was a quiet young woman, but she smiled more today than Azula had ever seen. It probably had a lot to do with Katara's praise.
Instead of having their party in the warm town hall, everyone bundled up and went out onto the bay ice. Iroh and Ursa emerged from the ship to participate. The celebration started with a simple meal of whale flesh. Katara fed Azula a bit of every portion of the whale, and she appreciated the difference between blubber, fluke, flipper, and skin. Ursa even tried a bit of whale skin; the look of perplexed disgust on her face was hilarious.
"You shouldn't laugh at your mother," Iroh said, but he was laughing too.
After all appetites were satisfied, the adults stretched out a trampoline made from sealskin and formed a tight pack around it. Children were lifted one at a time onto the trampoline and practically thrown in the air by the adults.
Azula had twitches of fear as Ana shrieked and bounced happily on the trampoline, but Katara wasn't concerned at all. No wonder they called it a blanket toss. "You could do it too if you want," Katara suggested. "It's really fun."
"I don't think so," Azula replied simply. She managed to prompt a laugh with that response somehow.
The young adults were thrown much higher than the children, and Ana, safely sitting on Azula's shoulders, laughed in delight to watch them flip and spin in the air.
When the last of the kids had their turn, most of the adults stepped away from the sealskin blanket so that only a few held the edges. Katara took Ana from Azula's shoulders, and Ana ran to the edge of the blanket and bounced on her toes in anticipation. Hakoda threw handfuls of Fire Nation candy and small trinkets like shells and small bones onto the blanket, and the children of the village raced around to collect the treats as they bounced off of the shaking trampoline.
It was all laughter and delight from both the children and the adults. This was a celebration of a season well-ended and a celebration of the new generation that was still so young.
Ana ran back to them, happy with her prizes, and she handed them to Katara to keep with a big grin. Then, with a shy smile, Ana handed a Fire Nation candy to all of the adults in their little group. Iroh and Ursa gasped in exaggerated thanks. Kanna smiled and patted Ana's head. Azula was less overt. "Thank you very much, Ana."
"You're wecome," Ana replied with a big grin.
Azula unwrapped the candy. It was a soft chocolate candy, appropriate for a young child to eat, but it kept its shape in the cold air. It was shaped like a war balloon. How silly. "Look," she said.
"What?" Ana asked in a happy uptick question.
Azula held out the candy in her fingers. "It's shaped like a war balloon."
Ana looked at the candy in perplexity. She asked, "What's war?"
Azula opened her mouth. She closed it. There was never a time in her life that she hadn't known what war was. There was probably never a time in Katara's life like that either; she'd certainly understood war in every capacity the she lost her mother. The part of Azula that was all Fire Nation warrior was saddened. The part of her that finally understood the impact that war could bring was grateful that these children didn't understand those losses. She sighed, ate the candy, and admitted, "Not something you need to know about."
Katara rubbed her back, and Azula straightened. Katara sniffed and wiped tears from her eyes. She met Azula's gaze with a long, tender look.
A shout rang out, and their attention went to the bay. Beside her, Katara laughed. Azula reached down and picked Ana up to put her on her shoulders again. Ana gasped in delight.
There was a pod of whales, the same whales that Katara's people hunted, and they were swimming lazily along the bay. They flashed their flukes as they swam by, and one whale even breached to show the white splash on its jaw. Azula had seen them on the ice and seen them dismantled, but that didn't prepare her for seeing them like this. No wonder it was hard to throw the spear and take the life of one.
The crowd of people gasped and laughed and shouted praises for the whales that were dancing for them.
"They always know," Katara said quietly. "Somehow they always know when we've taken our last whale for the season."
"Will you go swim with them?"
Katara smiled and took Azula's hand. "I'm happy here."
The villagers began to sing an old song. It was in the old tongue, and it was a song of thanks for the whales and the sea and the season. Katara sang it beside her with a clear, pretty voice, and Ana hummed along happily. Rakka settled nearby to listen.
The dragon had turned into a fairly docile creature through the week. She'd quickly learned a few whistle commands from Azula with the help of Hakoda and Bato. Rakka had let the children climb on her and was happy to share her kills with the tribe. One afternoon many of the villagers scrubbed her scales, brushed her fur out, and oiled her down. For such an ornery dragon, Rakka loved human attention and was gentle in the face of it. But Azula had no doubt she would eat any man alive that threatened her or Azula's family. Azula wouldn't want it any other way.
When the last whale was out of sight, Hakoda started a second song that was a much jollier tune about a walrus that thought it was a seal. Ana, who had demanded to stand on her own two feet again, held the hands of both Katara and Azula and bounced against their grips to the beat. When Hakoda got to the chorus, she sang, "Wawus, wawus, don't you see your tusks, tu—sks?!"
Rakka also participated. She began to croon, and that croon rose to a joyful wail, not unlike a dog's howl. It was similar enough that all the dogs penned back in the village began to howl too. Hakoda wasn't upset. He smiled and listened as Rakka sang her own song with the dogs' accompaniment. At the end of her song, she lifted herself high and opened her wings to full width. Azula felt her dragon's joy.
Everyone clapped and cheered, and Rakka, the cuss, preened at the attention.
Azula had a new appreciation for how difficult it must be for Katara to leave this place. Kanna was right: it had gotten into Azula's bones. She was homesick for the Fire Nation, but she knew as they stepped aboard the steamer that she would become homesick for the South Pole too. It could be a good life, balancing the two. If only she could figure out how.
The dilemma she'd put off crashed onto her shoulders standing on the Fire Nation steamer that would take her back to Capital City…to her obligations, her duties. It would be a lie to say she wasn't anticipating the changes that were sure to come, but she dreaded the repercussions.
Katara cried as she waved goodbye to her family and friends. Earlier she'd hugged everyone, and her father had held her for a long time. When the steamer pulled away from the ice, Katara stood beside Azula to wave goodbye a final time. Azula saw the truth in Katara's eyes: she didn't think she'd ever be coming back.
-TBC-