The Headquarters of The Order of the Black Knights
Kallen tried to scream, but no sound escaped. Her mouth was completely covered by a black leather glove, giving her barely enough room to breathe through her nose and rubbing against her skin uncomfortably. She had been captured.
She wasn't sure why that scared her so much; only a few seconds earlier she was attempting to commit suicide. The idea that she could be mere moments from death should be comforting, given that her attempt had somehow failed. It couldn't have been the fear that she would be raped or tortured, although the second one was likely if information was the goal; there were far easier targets around for those sorts of crimes than Kōzuki Kallen.
Perhaps she didn't want to die, after all.
The balcony they stood on shook slightly from the added weight, but didn't creak or appear to be breaking. Their accommodations since Schneizel's victory were substandard at best. It was all they could do house everyone in the two floors they currently occupied; they couldn't afford more than an old building with bolt-on balconies.
Her captor pushed her up against the outer wall of the building, to the left of the bathroom window. She complied willingly, not attempting to sneak a look at the person's face as he or she also flattened themselves against the wall next to her. She was far too weak to resist, anyway; the old Kallen would have knocked them unconscious in seconds, but with the after-effects of refrain still affecting her, even Lelouch could probably subdue her with ease.
Combined with the adrenaline running through her body, that thought almost made her laugh.
"Check her pulse!"
Kallen struggled against the arms restraining her to no avail. '…Ōgi?'
"There's no pulse!"
'…Villetta?' Kallen narrowed her eyes. 'What pulse? What's happening in there?'
Her confusion grew rapidly with every word the two obviously-distraught adults spoke, an acute sense of dread developing rapidly within her. She could do little more than listen as they fought over whatever it was that had happened, flinching at the sound of Villetta's fist connecting with Ōgi's nose. Kallen grit her teeth; if it wasn't for the refrain, she would have been able to escape and help them.
It wasn't until Villetta had stopped crying and the bathroom door was heard closing that the hold around her torso and arms slackened slightly, her captor wincing as if they had suffered some sort of injury but had been forcing themselves to remain silent.
Kallen took the opportunity to pull away and climb back in though the window, her captor scrambling in after her. Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw, and it was only the gloved hand once again covering her mouth which served to muffle what would have otherwise been an ear-piercing scream.
Her body lay lifeless in the centre of the room.
Breaking free once again, she sprinted over and threw herself to her knees next to it. Blood coated her palms as she searched for a pulse, just as Villetta had done only a few minutes ago. She didn't find one.
Kallen hunched over her corpse, drawing in long, ragged breaths. Tears were falling onto her pale, cold face before she even realised they were pooling in her eyes. The entire situation was so surreal – so impossible – that the only conclusion she could come to was that something had gone horribly wrong.
'Am I…' Kallen reached for the knife, but pulled her hand back at the last moment. 'Am I dead after all?'
That realisation tore at her worse than she'd ever thought it would. She had promised to liberate Japan – and indeed, the rest of the world – but in the end she had been too weak. She had made such grand promises, but she'd been unable to fulfil any of them.
'At least I kept my promise not to break Tamaki's headband' she told herself grimly, slowly removing the accessory and placing it in her pocket. Ōgi and Villetta might notice it missing, and they might not, but there was no way she could bring herself to leave without it.
If she had been thinking clearly, she might have realised that an identical headband rested on her own forehead.
"Come."
Kallen froze. Theory after theory had been created in her mind about what could possibly be happening to her, most of which centring around the likelihood that her captive was the shinigami or some other spirit, having come to collect her and take her to the afterlife. All of those theories were for naught now; she knew that voice.
'Lelouch…'
She slowly turned around, trembling at the thought of finding the purple eyes of Lelouch staring back at her.
The mask of Zero greeted her.
Kallen took a step backwards in fear; this wasn't the Zero she knew. As far as she knew, every Zero mask made by the Order of the Black Knights had a purple oval in the centre; this one was silver.
"Who…Who are you?"
'Zero' walked back to the window. "Follow me."
Kallen had no choice but to follow as he climbed back out onto the balcony and made his way around to the other side of the building. She needed answers, and she couldn't deal with Ōgi and Villetta now; they were likely to have a heart attack if they saw her alive.
He stopped at the entrance to the fire escape, turning around to make sure she was following and beckoning her to walk up the staircase in front of him. She reluctantly complied, all the while trying to think of who this 'Zero' was. A voice-masker was almost certainly concealing the person's voice; still, if there wasn't one attached, it could only be Lelouch.
"We're here."
They had walked out onto the roof and were standing in the centre. There wasn't much on top of the building other than air vents and the like, but Kallen had been up there more than a few times to watch the stars. She had almost used refrain there a week earlier during a brief lapse in judgement, but had realised just in time that she was risking death if she accidentally wandered off the unprotected side of the building during her hallucination.
"You aren't Zero. Who–" she began, but was cut off by 'Zero' raising a hand to indicate that she was to be silent.
"That is correct. I am not Zero," he stated evenly. "I am one of Zero's operatives. He noticed your absence from the execution and ordered me to leave towards the end and deliver a message to you."
Kallen narrowed her eyebrows in suspicion. Suzaku – or whoever they had been following – had been in Britannian custody since being captured by Schneizel. It was impossible that he could have realised she wasn't there and found a way to get a message to her; he would almost certainly have been tied to an execution vehicle. She asked the logical question.
"How can I trust you?"
The man who had admitted he wasn't Zero was silent for a moment. "I am Q-4. I can't tell you any more until after you have heard the message."
Kallen nodded. "Fine. What is it?"
"Zero wishes to meet with you," he began, prompting a raised eyebrow from Kallen. Even if Zero miraculously escaped his execution, he would be able to contact her easily at any time. "Nine days from now at two hours before midnight, he will be waiting at the Shinjuku Wrecking Yard. You are to come alone."
Kallen flinched slightly at the location; it was the same place Lelouch had asked her and Ōgi to build a replica of Clovis' vehicle. She shook her head; she had bigger things to worry about. "Will you be there?"
"No. Zero will also be alone."
Kallen was extremely wary by now, but the man could have easily killed her so it was unlikely to be an assassination scheme. There was also the fact that Schneizel himself had released her repeatedly to take into consideration.
"I accept," she stated firmly, before beginning to shake slightly as the adrenaline wore off. "But tell me…what happened back there?"
He didn't respond for almost a minute, seemingly dealing with some inner struggle. "Maybe I should show you."
He placed his palm over the silver oval on his mask, allowing the mechanism to retract. He removed it slowly, almost nervously, causing Kallen to gasp as she set eyes upon a face she thought she would never see again.
"Sh-Shirley?"
"It's been a while, Kallen," she replied wistfully. When she smiled, it never quite reached her eyes.
"But...But you…" Kallen trailed off as she threw her arms around the girl. Everything told her that Shirley couldn't possibly be standing in front of her, but she didn't care; it didn't matter how – she had her friend back.
"K-Kallen," she stammered, a few tears falling from her eyes as if it pained her to say her old friend's name.
No further words were exchanged, and within a few seconds both of them were crying. Kallen would never admit it under pain of death when she told her story, but for the moment she was content to let her spiralling emotions take control of her. Refrain, attempted suicide and kneeling over her dead body had been a lot to deal with, but seeing Shirley? That had well and truly broken the camel's back.
Shirley was in much the same state. Her emotions had been becoming steadily more erratic from the moment she saw Kallen, although not for the same reasons. It was all she could do to force her way through delivering the message without breaking down.
'Now that Kallen is…Now…Lelouch…'
Not only that, but Shirley could never have guessed that Kallen would resort to suicide. She might have attempted it herself by the time she got to where Kallen was, but her old friend was much stronger than her in that respect. There had to be something else; the Kallen she knew would never succumb to that desire.
Indeed, it had been nothing short of a miracle that Shirley had arrived when she did. Zero hadn't known anything about any sort of suicide attempt; his order was only to deliver the message. It had been by sheer chance that Shirley – having used the fire escape to avoid the Black Knights – made it to the bathroom window mere moments before the knife reached Kallen's chest.
Abruptly, she fell to her knees and let out a low groan, causing Kallen to look up in alarm.
"You're hurt." It wasn't a question.
"I'll be alright. I'm used to this," she assured her, standing up. "It doesn't hurt as much as it should; it only feels like a kick in the chest."
Kallen raised an eyebrow; she hadn't seen her get hurt. Shirley walked to the edge of the building and looked out at the Settlement and the ghetto, Kallen moving to stand on her right.
"Shirley, how did I survive? How did you survive? Why is my body downstairs?" Kallen asked slowly, the perfectly serious expression she held being reflected in her tone. "How are any of these things possible?"
Shirley sighed, gazing up at the waning moon. "I guess you deserve to know."
2017 a.t.b
Ashford Academy
"Shirley?"
The girl in question felt her body go rigid monetarily, silently thankful that she was facing the opposite direction to her roommate. Her first instinct was to hide the piece of paper she had been writing on – years spent on Milly Ashford's student council honing her schoolgirl reflexes – but her hands quickly changed their course. Although it held extremely sensitive information, it wouldn't be nearly as disastrous for her if it was discovered when compared with the loaded firearm on the desk next to her.
She couldn't afford to think like that anymore. Zero was Lelouch, and Lelouch was Zero; Shirley Fenette had stumbled upon what was likely the most dangerous information in the entire world. Despite the degree to which her mind itched to analyse – as fantasise would be an inappropriate expression, regardless of what regular schoolgirl conventions may say to the contrary – how it would impact on her feelings towards Lelouch Lamperouge, the fact remained that she was likely the sole person alive who knew of Zero's identity without being allied with him.
The sound of bed sheets being moved around drew her out of her teary contemplation with barely enough time to hurriedly conceal the pistol underneath her uniform, thankful that regaining consciousness in the morning is often accompanied by a certain inattentiveness to details.
Details like a gun on a school campus.
"What are you doing up so early? Writing a letter?"
Shirley gulped, freezing momentarily. She hated to lie – especially to her friends – but the truth was too dangerous in this situation. Then again, wasn't it Lelouch's deceit that was hurting her so badly?
"Yeah, sort of."
Her friend replied immediately with as much excitement as one can express less than a minute after waking up, relieving Shirley of the tension grasping her from the possibility that she had seen the weapon. "Could it be a love letter? Writing to Lelouch?"
Shirley's body visibly stiffened at the blunt, yet oblivious reminder of her dilemma. "Maybe…"
Silence reigned for a few minutes as the orange-haired girl allowed her mind to wander and her friend began to create a mental checklist for the various comparatively inconsequential tasks she wanted to accomplish that day.
Eventually the young girl dragged herself out of bed and slowly made her way over to the shared wardrobe, pulling her nightgown over her head as she walked and discarding it in a basket. Her yawn as she shuffled through various outfits startled Shirley slightly, interrupting her thoughts.
"I have to go now," she began shakily as she moved towards the door, her voice devoid of the usual cheer it carried. "I might be gone for a while."
"Where are you going?"
She was silent for a moment, choosing her words carefully. "To visit someone precious to me."
Her friend gasped and turned towards her with almost visible hearts in her eyes, a shirt tangled around her neck and half of her bra clasp unconnected. "You're going to see Lelouch, aren't you?"
It was almost an accusation, and Shirley was beginning to feel distinctly uncomfortable with the mention of Lelouch.
"Maybe…" she finally replied, eyes unfocussed as they stared at the richly varnished timber in front of her. "Don't tell anyone where I've gone…"
"What do you mean? I don't even know where you're going."
Shirley mentally shook herself. "Oh…right. Of course you don't."
It was still somewhat dark outside as she left her dormitory – enough to clearly see where she was going, but an approximation of five or six a.m. could be easily reached from observing the lighting conditions alone.
Despite her strong desire to leave the campus as quickly as possible before anyone could question her about it, something brought her to a halt once she was halfway across the one of Ashford Academy's patches of lawn. The grass was still damp from the morning dew, although not so much as to suggest that rain might have fallen while she had been sleeping. The situation was such that if she had been thinking in her normal manner, she would likely be glad that she had neglected to change out of the Ashford uniform in her haste; the only other clean outfit in her wardrobe consisted of a pair of slightly-too-long pants, the hems of which would almost certainly have been soaked through and caused her considerable discomfort during her train ride.
She stood there for decidedly longer than she had wanted to be loitering around the grounds, her legs refusing to move until she had completed some insignificant action. Her eyes drifted blankly over the buildings as she slowly turned around, inevitably coming to rest on a building in the opposite direction to the one she was heading in. Not a single clear thought passed through her mind as she stared; it was as if her eyes were drinking in the details, but her brain was refusing to process it past that stage. It took almost two minutes for her to finally draw the connection between the building and its function – the Student Council building.
Where Lelouch was.
A shiver ran down her spine the second she reached that conclusion, reflexively averting her gaze to the main building. Taking a deep breath and shaking her head in an attempt to clear it, she continued walking at a somewhat more brisk pace. She had barely made it five steps before she paused, her hand subconsciously moving towards her bag.
Had she just seen a leg disappear behind the corner of the building? Was somebody watching her? Did somebody know what she was carrying? Was it Lelouch? Did he know she had seen him?
What started off as completely reasonable paranoia had begun to control her, reason and clear thought dissolving in a caustic sea of unproven concerns. That wasn't to say these concerns weren't legitimate, however – especially when the extremely illegal contents of her bag were taken into account. In less than twenty-four hours, Shirley had committed several serious criminal offences.
She had deliberately acted against the Britannian military when participating in an investigation at a live battle scene.
She had carried – and was still carrying – an unlicensed firearm.
She was withholding information on the identity of someone who was regarded by Britannia as the most dangerous 'terrorist' in the world.
And worst of all, she had killed a Britannian officer.
She had killed a Britannian officer to protect Lelouch.
She had killed for Lelouch.
Even after everything she had done for Lelouch, she was still trapped between what was the right thing to do and what was the wrong thing.
Her long-term crush had been responsible for her own father's death, but rational thought and a small amount of research before discovering his identity had led her to the conclusion that while Zero had been ultimately responsible for the landslide that had claimed her father's life, the Britannian military was extremely negligent in protecting the civilian population. Even without ordering an evacuation and alerting the Japan Liberation Front, there were many ways to shield the city from any damage it may inadvertently receive from the full-scale knightmare battle. If Shirley – someone with no military experience whatsoever – could name three such ways, then surely Cornelia Li Britannia would have been able to think of one.
Almost all of the blood drained out of her face as she felt a hand on her shoulder. Drawing in a sharp breath, she tried to turn around to see her assailant's face, but was stopped by another hand on the back of her head; evidently whoever it was didn't want to be seen – at least at the moment.
A silent push on her shoulder had her slowly making her way behind one of the rarely used sections of Ashford Academy, to an area which wasn't visible from any of the dormitories. Another almost gentle prod had her pressing herself up against the wall for fear of repercussions, her eyes clenched firmly in panic. The hand on her shoulder released her without warning after a few seconds, giving Shirley the opportunity to cautiously turn around.
What she saw was not what she had been expecting.
The person in front of her was not Lelouch, nor was it anyone in the uniform of the Order of the Black Knights. It wasn't a member of the Britannian military who had come to arrest her for one or more of her many crimes, either. Standing a few feet in front of her was a green-haired girl in the female uniform of Ashford Academy. If it wasn't for the girl's stern facial expression, Shirley would have immediately attempted to laugh it off as a harmless prank, despite knowing every person at the school and never having seen that one in her life.
Shirley broke the tense silence after a minute or two; it seemed like the girl was waiting for her to speak first.
"Who are you?"
"My name is C.C.," she replied immediately, evidently having seen the question coming. "I am Zero's partner."
Shirley bit her lip at the blunt admission, realising just how much danger she was in.
"Le–"
"–Lelouch," C.C finished, cutting her off. "So you do know, after all."
Shirley didn't know whether it was patience or an intimidation attempt that kept the girl perfectly straight faced for the full minute it took her to reply, but if it was the latter, then it was certainly working.
"Lulu…Lelouch knows I was there?"
"Was where?" the C.C. replied, a smirk going unnoticed as it just barely passed across her lips.
"At the docks last ni–"
Shirley clamped both hands over her mouth, her eyes widening in shock. She'd been tricked and she knew it.
The girl was silent for a moment, staring at her without really looking like she was thinking at all. When she finally spoke, it was with a perfectly blank expression.
"You love him, don't you?"
It was a statement; her tone left no doubt that she felt positive of the answer. Shirley's fists went limp as a few of the tears she had been bottling up overnight were finally able to break free of their restraints.
"Zero killed my father! Why would…why would Lulu do that?"
"Was I wrong?" C.C. asked, completely ignoring her response.
"No! I mean yes…I mean–"
"–You may not know me, Shirley Fenette," C.C. interrupted, "but I know you."
Shirley backed up against the wall like a cornered animal, her hands shaking in fright. "W-What do you want?"
C.C. took a step towards her. "I've seen the way you act around him. I've seen your eyes when he's around. I've seen centuries' worth of fake love, but yours…yours isn't like the others."
Panicking, Shirley pressed both of her hands up against the wall and looked to either side repeatedly, trying to decide which way held the easiest escape.
'Love? Why is she talking about love? Hasn't she come to kill me? Hasn't Lulu…Hasn't Lelouch sent her to kill me?'
C.C. slowly reached out to her, never breaking eye contact as she moved closer. "Take my hand."
Looking back, Shirley had no idea what compelled her to take the green-haired girl's hand. Perhaps it was because there was some element of truth in C.C.'s words. Perhaps somewhere inside herself – subconsciously, even – she knew that if she didn't reach out, a side of her she had never seen would remain locked away forever.
Shirley's eyelids flickered open and closed rapidly as a myriad of broken images assaulted her mind. Lelouch, Milly, Rivalz, Lelouch, Kallen, her father, Lelouch, Nina – distorted images of everyone dear to her.
For a moment the images disappeared, and she was falling – falling down a never-ending tunnel. If it were to occur to her in real life, she would almost certainly have been overcome by vertigo, nausea, fear…something. As it were, she felt nothing.
Visions of things she had never seen – could never have known about – worked their way into her mind, and she was falling no longer. A child with long, blond hair which reached the floor below him, an underground city bathed in a purple hue, the Emperor of Britannia standing before the ruins of a temple and surrounded by a sea of golden clouds – these things had no reason to be in her head, and yet they were.
For a split-second she was falling again, before another set of images took hold of her. These were unlike the others, consisting purely of her deepest fears, worst memories and her most intense hatreds. Zero, identifying her father's lifeless body, the Order of the Black Knights, TV footage of the Narita landslide, the man she thought she knew…
…Lelouch.
He stared at her for a moment – his piercing purple eyes boring into her green ones. She wanted to back away – to shrink under the immense weight of his gaze – but found that she was unable to move. Her mind screamed at her legs to comply but they refused to respond, forcing her to watch as her vision was filled with thousands of Lelouches – each with their face concealed by a plain, white mask.
As one, the masks fell to the floor, shattering upon impact and blanketing her in a sea of darkness.
Before she could react, five blindingly bright cables made from no obvious substance snaked out to seize her – one grasping each limb and another firmly affixed around her torso – drawing her through a pair of opened doors, each marked with an electric blue sigil in the shape of a bird.
Whatever Shirley had been expecting to find beyond the foreboding structures, the eternal void of pure white nothingness caught her off-guard.
"Do you seek power?"
"What?…Power? What is this place? Why would I want–" she began, cutting herself as she spun around, searching almost frantically for the voice.
"Ah but you do," the voice continued. "Last night you shot a Britannian officer to save Lelouch, but you don't know whether or not saving him was the right thing to do…yet."
Shirley's eyes were wide in shock and she would have taken a step backwards if she hadn't been petrified that there might not be anything solid to stand on around her.
"You…How did you–"
"–You seek power more than anything at the moment. You don't know what it is you want to do, but you know that you must do something.
The statement hit home and she gulped, strengthening her resolve. "And you…you can give me this power?"
"Yes. I can."
"But why?" she shouted, clenching her fists in frustration. "Why would you give it to me?"
The voice – which she had identified as being C.C.'s under the echoing effects – remained silent.
"What kind of power?" Shirley finally asked, her voice shaking slightly in apprehension.
"You will be granted the means to achieve your deepest desire; however, your heart is conflicted as to what that is. Your power will be either the greatest tool at Lelouch's disposal, or the most deadly when used against him. With it you will be able to make his plans become a reality, yet you will also be able to make him throw away his life with ease."
An image flashed in front of her eyes, disappearing before she could take notice of any more than the golden background.
"No matter what happens, one thing is certain; you will use your power in the name of Lelouch. You will have to choose whether to use it to help him, or use it to destroy him. You may not have to make this choice for days, months, or even years, but the day will come when it must be made."
She made an attempt to respond, but was startled by sharp outlines of both herself and C.C. flashing randomly in front of her. There was something mesmerising about the images that kept her looking, but she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.
"And how do you know I won't choose to de-destroy him?" Shirley questioned heatedly, stuttering slightly at the insinuation that she might want to kill Lelouch.
"Because you love him," C.C. replied without hesitation.
Shirley bit her lip as she prepared a retort, finally speaking with more confidence than she honestly possessed at that moment. "How could you know that when I don't even know myself?"
"I told you before; I've seen centuries' worth of love, but yours isn't like the others."
For the first time, Shirley began to contemplate that C.C. hadn't merely been exaggerating when she used the word 'centuries.' The things she had been shown over the last few minutes gave her more than enough reason to suspect that she had meant 'centuries' in the literal sense. That left one question in her mind.
What exactly was C.C.?
The sketchy outlines of her figure appeared momentarily once again as she did her best to analyse the situation. No matter where her thoughts led her, they always came to the conclusion that C.C. must have had some ulterior motive for offering this 'power' to her.
"What about you? What do you get out of this?" she asked hesitantly, almost afraid of the answer.
"This is a contract. In return for power, I want you to grant me one of my wishes."
Shirley stared directly ahead, where she thought C.C.'s voice was coming from. "Wishes…?"
"You will be my backup plan, should Lelouch fail to fulfil our contract. I will not inform him that you have entered into one with me, but whether or not you choose to is up to you."
The same image appeared before her for less than a second. It showed the platform she had seen Charles Zi Britannia stand upon as she was dragged into this world, although he wasn't the only one this time. Lelouch stood in front of him, each staring the other in the eye. For a moment she couldn't fathom for what reason Lelouch could be meeting with the Emperor, but finally she realised the chilling truth.
Lelouch's goal wasn't to be a terrorist and protest against Britannian rule; he wanted to fight them.
Lelouch wanted to go to war with the Holy Britannian Empire.
"If you agree to the contract, you will live as a human, but differ from other humans. A different source, a different time, a different life," C.C. continued. "The power of the King will make you isolated. If you are prepared for that…"
Shirley knew she had only one real choice. Hardening her resolve, she prepared herself to walk down a path she would never be able to turn back from.
"This contract…I accept it!"
In the end, she knew only one word.
Geass.
When Shirley regained consciousness, there was no sign of the green-haired girl.
'Was it all a dream?' she wondered as she rubbed her head and pulled herself off the ground. 'No. That couldn't have been a dream.'
What would she use her power for, though? Would she help Lelouch, or help to destroy him? Could she deliberately harm someone she loved, or at least knew she loved until recently? On the other hand, could she allow someone like Zero to get away and cause more pain for so many people?
These were the questions that plagued her. Even ignoring the subject of Lelouch, she had no idea which side of this 'war' she wanted to be on. Sure, she was a Britannian citizen herself, but even from within the sheltered lifestyle led by most students of Ashford Academy, she could see Britannia for what it was – a corrupt society where the strong were encouraged to oppress the weak. But was that enough to justify Lelouch's actions?
"You will have to choose whether to use it to help him, or use it to destroy him. You may not have to make this choice for days, months, or even years, but the day will come when it must be made."
"I'm sorry, Father," Shirley muttered. "This day isn't about me or Lelouch; today is about you."
Brushing a thin layer of dust off her uniform from lying on the ground, she quickly checked the time on her watch, thankful that she wasn't out cold for too long.
"If I hurry, I can still make it to the train in time."
Narita
"I know what you're thinking," the man – who had identified himself as 'Mao' – stated. "You're thinking that perhaps if you use your Geass, you might be able to escape. Am I right?"
Shirley made no attempt to respond, just as she had seemingly ignored every statement or question he had directed at her over the course of the cable car ride. He appeared completely unperturbed by her silence, continuing with his one-sided conversation as if it was unnecessary for her to respond at all.
"It seems I am," he continued, letting out a loud, mocking laugh. He gestured to a chess board on the stairs between himself and Shirley. "But that doesn't matter; my Geass is one which yours cannot possibly defeat."
She fidgeted with the hem of her skirt, once again not offering a response. However it was no longer by choice; her mind clouded over as the memory of Mao's words clawed at her conscience.
"You can't forgive those kinds of people."
He gestured to a chess board on the stairs between himself and Shirley. "How about a game of chess while we wait? I must admit I've never played before."
"You, who killed someone and seduced a man, are not fit to be a heroine. You are the wicked witch."
Mao sighed dramatically. "No? Oh well, I guess I'll save my first game for our next guest."
"You are a murderer. You have committed the same crime as Zero."
This time he looked up, focussing his Geass to more clearly make out what she was thinking. A slight smirk appeared on his face, although he was careful not to allow a laugh to escape and break her thought processes. He silently reached into his pocket, abandoning his previous attempt at conversation.
"It's time for you to get your just deserts."
"Embrace this emotion for the rest of your life. Embrace it all by yourself. If you don't bear your sins and set your heart free, you and Lelouch will be terribly pitiful."
"Punishment is required; both you and him."
Punishment. That final statement echoed repeatedly in Shirley's head. Perhaps they did deserve punishment, but more than that, they owed it to those they had wronged to seek atonement.
She flinched as Mao placed a hand over her own with an almost kindly smile on his face, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. His other hand slowly reached out, offering to return the gun he had confiscated before boarding the cable car.
"You know what you have to do, Shirley Fenette."
Shirley clutched the back of Lelouch's jacket desperately, tears trailing down her cheeks. "But…Lulu, I shot you!"
"I forgive it, your sin. I'll bear all of it," he replied firmly, his eyes focussed intensely on a distant point over her shoulder.
She buried her head even further in the fabric of his jacket. Her breathing was beginning to return to normal, his forgiveness and comfort lulling her into a somewhat calmer state and drying up her tears. "I wanted you to be kind to me."
"What's wrong with that?"
"Even though father died…" she mumbled, a feeling of light-headedness beginning to creep into her system and blur her thoughts.
Lelouch released the hug and gripped her shoulders firmly. He locked his gaze onto hers. "Forget it. It's okay if you want to forget all the horrible things."
"I can't do it!" she screamed, writhing uncomfortably under the weight of his words. She ducked her head to avoid his stare.
"You can. I'll make you forget everything."
She looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Don't tell me…"
"Shirley, I'm sorry about your father. If reincarnation exists, I will…"
He trailed off as the Geass sigil flared to life in his left eye.
"Lulu…" she began, panic setting in as she realised what he was planning to do. "No!"
Whether it had been out of pity, love, or some sense of obligation, he would never tell her for as long as they lived. Perhaps he had yearned to forget the weight of his own sins – an impossible desire to release himself from a duty he was obligated to see through to the very end – but she was never to know.
She would never ask him why, either; however selfish it may have seemed, she would be forever thankful for the chance to have one more year of innocence at Ashford Academy before she had to make a decision that would affect the entire world.
2018 a.t.b
Tokyo Settlement
It was raining heavily as Shirley made her way back to Ashford Academy. A pink umbrella protected her from being drenched, although it wasn't able to stop the ground being slightly slippery and difficult to traverse in her heels. Her gloved left hand held a pink communication device to her ear, connected to Rivalz back in the Student Council room.
"Lulu will be talking to the Gardening Club…"
"Well that's fine if Lelouch is doing it; he's better at those sorts of things, anyway," he quipped over the phone, laughing wildly at his own wit. "I guess I'll see you when you get back, then?"
Shirley smiled; Rivalz had never been one to volunteer for any work when there was a chance he could hoodwink Lelouch into doing it. "Okay, see you!"
Her mind was still caught up in details of the impending negotiations with the gardening club when she first felt the effects. It was something she couldn't describe with regular expressions; as if a pressure was being exerted on her mind, and a weight being lifted from it simultaneously.
She froze as a string of images pierced her thoughts, restoring the memories which were rightfully hers. Lelouch and her shopping for one of Milly's ridiculous events, Lelouch and the rest of the school council at the beach, Lelouch wearing an absolutely unflattering pair of swimming shorts nobody had ever seen before or ever would again, Lelouch telling her to forget…
"I remember…" she whispered, a haunted expression in her eyes. "Zero, the man who killed my father is…"
A single tear rolled down her cheek.
"…Lelouch!"
The Next Day
Ashford Academy
Shirley awoke with a start, trying desperately to relegate the terrifying images of Zero to the deepest recesses of her mind. The same nightmare – with Villetta, and Lelouch wearing that terrifying white mask – had repeated itself so many times over the course of the night, that Shirley was no longer sure whether it had been based on an actual event or something her vivid imagination had conjured by itself.
She slowly sat up on her bed, giving up on going back to sleep for at least the twentieth time.
'That's right.' She reminded herself, her expression uncharacteristically apathetic. 'Lulu is Zero, and I have to avenge my father…'
5th Circinate Line
Shirley leant lightly against the door of the monorail carriage, her eyes glazed over in contemplation. She truly had no idea what she was supposed to do; would she fight for Lelouch, or would she fight against him?
The manner in which her memories had been returned was so flawless that had she not regained the memory of Lelouch using his Geass on her, or held suspicions in advance, she would likely never have even guessed that there was ever anything wrong. There was no information dump, and no misplaced memories; everything which had been lost to her, had been returned in perfect condition.
Amongst all of those memories was the one thing that scared her the most.
Geass.
She knew she possessed a Geass, and the thought of what she could do with it chilled her to the bone. Although it was close, not even the knowledge of Zero's identity had the same impact on her; she had almost accepted Lelouch's secret identity by now, yet was unable to make a decision on what to do regarding it.
"With it you will be able to make his plans become a reality, yet you will also be able to make him throw away his life with ease."
C.C. had told her she had to make a choice, and Shirley knew it was one which would affect the future of the entire world. If she made the wrong choice, her Geass could leave the world in far worse condition than what it currently was. She had no idea how she could use a Geass like hers to cause such widespread chaos, but for some reason she couldn't help but trust the green-haired girl.
The decision she had to make was something far more complex than 'Lelouch or Britannia.' Regardless of the regimes proposed by either, a full-scale war was inevitable if Lelouch was allowed to continue. There had been a number of battles over the past year and a half, but never ones with the sheer number of personnel Lelouch would need to seriously challenge the Emperor.
"It's not like that. It has nothing to do with that. Even I think that what happened at Narita was…"
Regardless of what her beliefs were, Shirley wasn't like Lelouch and Suzaku. She wasn't a visionary with plans to change the world for the better. She wanted the fighting to stop, and she wanted the people of the world to be safe at home with their families and friends, not worrying about fighting a war and whether or not they'd ever return home.
That was why she had asked Suzaku to meet her at the Ikebukuro Station. Her conviction had been so strong an hour earlier when she had placed the call, but that had entirely dissipated by the time she even boarded the monorail. Despite her best efforts, her mind could no longer separate her feeling for Lelouch from his identity as Zero, her desires from the world's, subjectivity from objectivity. All she could do now was to reminisce on what once was, and how things had gone so bad.
'Lulu is Zero…Ms. Villetta is a soldier…Kallen is with the Order of the Black Knights. Then what about Nina? The President? Rivalz? Is it just the academy that's strange? Why is Nunna the Governor-General? What is a lie? What is the truth?'
Ikebukuro Station
There were surprisingly few people around as she made her way to the location where her and Suzaku had agreed to meet; a couple walking next to her earlier had been saying something about a few of the carriages being out of service for maintenance, so she supposed that might have explained it.
Shirley didn't think it was possible for her heart to ever beat faster than it was when she had been pointing the gun at Lelouch, but somehow it was. At least then she had her own finger on the trigger the entire time; if she handed Lelouch over to Suzaku and the Britannian Military, he would be pursued relentlessly and there would be nothing she could do if she had a change of heart.
"Shirley."
Looking up from the ground, the first thing she saw was Suzaku.
The first and only thought running through her head was of Lelouch.
Panicked, she tried to get away, escape, anything to give her just a little bit more time to make her decision. She couldn't do anything unless she was absolutely sure it was right.
"Wait," he called, lifting a pair of frameless, black sunglasses from his eyes. "It's me."
She turned to face him in silence.
"Why did you ask me to come out all of a sudden?"
Shirley bit her lip, silently wishing for anyone, anything to save her from the uncomfortable situation. She was preparing herself to attempt to pass it off as an sneaky attempt at weaselling a date out of him – however unfair it might have been on Suzaku – when her prayers were both answered and crushed simultaneously.
"Shirley?"
Suzaku slowly turned around, an expression on his face which was somewhere between curiosity and suspicion.
"Lelouch?"
Shirley excused herself momentarily as her, Suzaku and Lelouch made their way towards the roof. The two boys entered a nearby store as she left, casually browsing aisles of merchandise and continuing to exchange the same, almost artificial, small talk they had been keeping up for the past few minutes.
Headed towards the emergency exit instead of the bathroom, she was relieved to find that the door to the stairwell wasn't alarmed as many at shopping centres and other public facilities were. It seemed to be deserted, but she headed down a flight anyway just to make sure. She allowed her eyes to slowly close over; it wasn't safe for her to be near the two as she was.
When they reopened, a bright red Geass sigil blazed fiercely in her left eye.
She had to make a final decision, but before that she had another choice to make; she could return to Lelouch and Suzaku, or she could escape.
She did both.
"This is the border," Lelouch commented, looking out over the edge of the rooftop.
"Between the Settlement and the ghetto," Suzaku added, a slight tinge of anger creeping into his voice. "But I will remove this boundary, someday…"
'Wait…What if they're working together?' Shirley narrowed her eyebrows. 'To restore Area 11 to Japan…'
She looked at each of them in turn through her peripheral vision.
'That's right. They've been best friends for a long time.'
The sound of two white masks falling to the floor together echoed in her mind as she began to run towards the edge.
Shirley gasped as she stared down at the ground far beneath her feet. She was easily at a lethal height if she was to fall, and the only thing preventing her from doing so was…
She gulped and looked up.
'Lulu…'
"No!" she screamed, writhing desperately in an attempt to force Lelouch to drop her. "Let me go! Let me go!"
How could she have been so stupid as to put Lelouch and Suzaku in that kind of danger? Lelouch was entirely hanging over the edge and Suzaku was the kind of person who would never let go of them, even if he was only holding on by one finger himself.
'Lulu…Please…Let go…I'll be alright…'
"No! I won't let go!" he told her forcefully, shocking Shirley enough to force her to look up at him. "I don't…I don't want to lose anything else. I don't want to lose anything at all."
His expression at that time betrayed his anguish more than any she had ever seen on his face.
"Shirley!"
'Lulu…'
She took his hand.
"You had something important to talk about?"
Shirley came to a halt and turned to face Suzaku. "I…I like Lulu."
He flinched, but said nothing.
"You don't like him, Suzaku?"
"I…used to like him…" he replied, slowly removing his sunglasses and placing them in his pocket.
"What about now?" she asked, a deceptively loaded question masked by the light manner in which she delivered it. He didn't reply, but she had been expecting that and continued regardless. "I thought it was strange…You used to be such good friends. Did you fight?"
"I can't forgive him."
Shirley's responded immediately; she had spent the last fifteen minutes planning this conversation in her head. "Nothing's unforgivable. I'm sure it's just you who can't forgive him. Because you don't want to."
Suzaku was visibly taken aback.
"I've already forgiven him a long time ago," she added, truly smiling for the first time since regaining her memories.
He narrowed his eyebrows. "Shirley, you–"
The conversation was cut short by an explosion of some kind coming from the station. Suzaku immediately raced towards the officers on duty, Shirley hot on his heels.
"I'm the Knight of Seven, Kururugi Suzaku," he stated clearly, displaying his badge and reaching into a pocket for his headset. "There's a possibility of terrorist involvement. I'll supervise the police and firefighters in the vicinity from here on out."
"Yes, My Lord!"
He tilted his head to the side, indicating Shirley. "I'd like you to protect her."
Suzaku was gone before the officers could even give an answer, sprinting around the facility to identify likely escape routes for terrorists and any external damage. One of the two guards – for they had turned out to be regular security guards, and not police officers as Shirley had first thought – escorted her to where the police cars were beginning to arrive.
"I need you to step into this car."
Shirley took a step backwards, pulling out her phone. "Can I make a call first?"
The guard thought for a moment and nodded, leaving to give her some privacy, but remaining close enough to observe her. She placed four separate calls, but Lelouch never picked up.
"Please step into the car," the guard insisted, interrupting her fifth attempt. "It's an order from the Knight of Seven."
'All alone…' Shirley slid her phone shut silently. '…Lulu could be fighting all alone…'
Ignoring the guard's cries, she sprinted towards the station; if there was anything she could do to help Lelouch, she would do it. It wasn't until she was almost there that she realised she had made her way over to the unguarded secondary entrance in her haste; the concentration of gas was far higher there, and the police didn't have the correct breathing material on-site to risk standing near it.
'Maybe I shouldn't…' she thought, pausing only a few steps away from the door. A quick glance around her showed that she was alone. '…It's best if I don't.'
Shirley Fenette ran away as fast as her legs would carry her.
Away from Ikebukuro Station.
Away from Lelouch.
"I like you, Lulu. Even though I found out you got my father involved, I didn't come to dislike you…Even though you made me forget everything, I came to like you again…Even though my memories were manipulated, I came to like you again…"
"You can't!" Lelouch screamed hysterically, almost tearing the contact from his left eye. "Don't die, Shirley!"
Red rings appeared around her eyes, but nothing could stop their body from dying. "No matter how many times I'm reborn, I'm sure I'll come to like you again…" Her voice wavered as more blood began to pour out of the wound. "This must be fate, right…?"
"Don't die, Shirley!" Tears were beginning to pool in his eyes. "Don't die! Don't die!"
"So it's okay, right, Lulu?" she asked, tears forming in her own as Lelouch's began to roll down his cheeks. "To be reborn, and come to like you again…? I'll come to like you, no matter how many times…
Her hand slipped from his, falling lifelessly to the floor.
"Shirley...Shirley!"
It was silent.
Lelouch screamed.
One mile from Ikebukuro Station.
Shirley stood form her position on a park bench, seemingly asleep to anybody who was paying attention. She could get in contact with Lelouch in a few days' time, but she'd have to get as far away as possible now; Ikebukuro station had become a crime scene.
It had hurt her to say those words to Lelouch, but she knew that Rolo could have returned at any moment. Whilst it didn't matter to her whether Rolo saw Lelouch upset over her death or not, if he had overheard her telling him that she would survive, she would be in even greater danger.
She bit back a tear. It would have been easy to simply die without the speech, but some part of her took a guilty pleasure in hearing Lelouch shout at her to survive, even going as far as to use his Geass – a Geass she was still under the effects of.
"A manipulative woman. You acted pitiful on purpose because you wanted him to be nice to you."
It was manipulative, and she knew it; that thought alone almost made her sick.
'I'm sorry, Lelouch...I'll make it up to you…' she promised. '…I'll help you destroy Britannia.'
"You will have to choose whether to use it to help him, or use it to destroy him."
Shirley Fenette was dead, but she had made her choice.
The Headquarters of The Order of the Black Knights
Kallen's eyes were wide in shock as Shirley stopped speaking and turned to face her; her friend's eyes had never left the moon the entire time she was speaking. It took her a few seconds to realise that she had reflexively taken a few steps backwards over the course of the story; if she hadn't been so confused – and somewhat concerned – then she would have blushed at her actions.
"Geass?" Kallen questioned, breaking the tense silence between them. "You were given a Geass?"
She nodded.
"Then this headband…" Kallen began, holding up the accessory she had taken from her corpse. "It means nothing, does it?"
"No."
The pair watched as it gradually fell, finally hitting the street below.
"Your Geass…" Kallen was almost afraid to ask her next question. "What…What is its power?"
Shirley returned her gaze to the moon, a bittersweet smile on her lips.
"…Absolute Animation."
Kallen gasped, flinching visibly at her words. If that was what she thought it was…
"Absolute Animation?" she repeated, her lower lip trembling. "Does that mean…"